**
*
CHAPTER THREE: They Actually Spent a Night as a Team!
**
Author's Note: I have made some minor changes, like Luke gets to bring him laptop and Darth Vader brings an asthma thing. The team order is also different, so I guess I'll have to change Chapter Two, soon, two. I mean too. I was sort of in a hurry to write this, so please excuse typos like tis. Enpoy!
**
The early morning sunlight stung every person's—or creature's—eyes, or whatever organ they used to see. Team One, made up of the sinister Darth Vader a.k.a. the former (or future) Anakin Skywalker, Mara Jade and her husband, Luke Skywalker, Anakin Solo, the Yuuzhan Vong Nom Anor, the famous Jedi Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jacen Solo and Mara's former master, Emperor Palpatine himself, was awaken by Jeft Proast in the wee hours of the morning.
"Survivors of Team One!" He shouted through the hills. "You'd better wake up now or else you're all disqualified!"
As soon as those words left his mouth, hurried feet rustling through the sand was heard all around, coming from the Sandborrow tribe. Jeft quickly strode towards their camp.
He eyed the sleepy fictional characters. "Has anyone here watched the real Survivor series?"
All heads shook from side to side. Fur and hair were swayed by the wind hollowing through the mountains. (Wait a minute, this is supposed to be humor, right? Oh, sorry. I'm getting into my 'serious writer' mood.) Nom Anor's tatoos were… ah… glimmering in the morning sun.
Jeft rolled his eyes. Why couldn't he be like Regis Philbin, huh? He had to be a lowly host who had nothing else in life but explain a game to some fictional Star Wars characters. "Well, you'll get mail on a specific day of the week," he started, pointing to a nearby bamboo tree. "There will be a letter, in the form of a riddle, or if our producers get writer's block, it will just be a normal letter, announcing a challenge, or usually Tribal Council."
Mumblings were exchanged throughout the group. Jacen finally spoke up. "Er, Mr. Roast?"
"It's Proast."
"Oh, yeah. Proast. What's Tribal Council?"
Jeft wanted to rip all the hair off his head. This was getting very annoying, explaining the rules to a bunch of sci-fi people. No, some of them weren't even people! "There are two sorts of challenges. A reward challenge, where you obviously compete for a reward. Then there's the immunity challenge, where you compete, as a team, for immunity."
Before anyone spoke up, he continued. "The team which looses the immunity challenge will have to go to Tribal Council. There the team will vote off one of its members."
"If you still don't get the rules," he said with a renewed exasperation, "then I can't do anything 'bout it."
"Isn't that unethical, Proast?" Luke interjected. "Inviting us to a game, then not telling us the rules?"
Jeft was steaming, but since he was on TV, and if he had any chance of running for president one day, he might as well keep his cool.
"If you got any questions, then ask me. Okay," he rubbed his palms together. "Come with me and I'll give you your first taste of a real challenge."
The clearing was paved with grass, and the Sandburrow members could already see the Norub members fidgeting in their places, impatient and eager for this challenge.
"Now, this is an immunity challenge," he said, pointing to two coconut trees opposite each other. "The goal is to eat as many coconuts as you can whithin the time limit. The catch is, you'll have to run up that tree…"
"Oh, Chewie's good at that," Han whispered to his wife, who was already conspiring against the other team.
"…then you'll have to break open the fruits, eat up EVERYTHING that is inside, then dump its shell or whatever its called into a hole in the ground that you'll have to dig." He saw crooked smiled all around, and figured they were already cooking up ways to win this. "By the way, when you get the coconut you'll have to bring it down, too. Only one nut at a time."
"Okay, on your mark…" Obviously Sandburrow had a different strategy than Norub. Instead of a this-is-your-job-and-this-is-my-job sort of thing, they had decided to do it by taking turns. Luke went first.
"Get set…" If any of them wanted to play this game cleanly at first, then right now any one who had that feeling lost that feeling.
"Go!" Chewbacca ran up their coconut tree just as fast as a jawa could fall from it. Luke, on the other had, was struggling up, while at the same time getting a scolding from his father, clothed in the dark robes and breathing device.
"Luke Sywalker! What are you doing? Get up there this instant!" Darth Vader's voice was low and crisp. "Didn't your mother ever teach you how to climb a tree? Or at least your father?!" He slowed down, and grumbled a faint, "Oh. Never mind."
By the time Luke snatched a fruit, Chewbacca had already grabbed another one. While Luke struggle to open his, Jacen climbed up, and his echoing self-encouragements could barely be heard. Must… get… coconut!" He finally reached the peak, and grasped a fruit. He lost his balance and fell.
"Hey kid," Gavin Darklighter shouted. "Haven't you ever heard of the 'Balance Point'?"
"Ha, ha, very funny. He looked away from his mother's team as he spotted his sister trying to keep her laughter in. She wasn't doing a very good job at it.
"It's by Kathy Tyers!" Gavin roared. The buzzer sounded, and Jeft's voice boomed on a megaphone. "Okay, that's it, people!"
He walked over to Norub's hole. Apparently their strategy had worked. "Seven coconuts," he said, keeping a mental track of the team's score.
Striding over to Sandburrow's hole, which was quite shallow, he say only four coconuts. Even before his mouth opened, he heard a groan. 'Four fruits," he said as sternly as possible. "Apparently, you must go to Tribal Council tonight, Sandburrow." He was interrupted by the clapping and shrieks of joy from the other team.
Continuing, he announced, "I'll see you tonight." Luke's head and shoulders dropped. Jacen, though, secluded himself, meeting them at their camp later that afternoon.
*
At the Norub tribe, there was nothing but celebration. Jaina high- fived her dad as he said, "Told ya Chewie's the best climber of 'em all!"
Well, can't really tell you their story that night. I'd better get going to the Tribal Council, or else that host Jeft will start soon…
***
Finally, thought Jeft, the author's here.
Sorry, Jeft. I thought back. I was at the Norub camp.
I could tell, he complained.
After the host's exchange of thoughts with the author, tribal council started. Jeft started his summary just the way the real host did it on TV.
"Well," he started with a smile, "this is your first tribal council, and the first Star Wars tribal council ever. Jacen, do you think you will be voted out tonight?"
He just shrugged, trying to appear cool and comfortable. "Well, I really don't fell anything. I can't use the Force remember," he reminded. "Besides, I think all of us feel vulnerable right now."
Jeft nodded. "Alright, then. It's time to vote."
Eight members later, Jeft returned. "Once the votes are read, the decision is… er, final."
He pulled out the first one. It said "Jacen, but there was a little note scrawled in the corner. "Brush teeth," it said.
"Palpatine."
Every vote increased the tension in the air.
"Emperor. That's two votes Palpatine, one vote Jacen. The next one reads, Jacen. Three votes, Jacen. The next vote reads… Nom Anor."
The Yuuzhan Vong flinched.
"Next one, Emperor Imp." Jeft withheld his grin.
"Last and deciding vote. Emperor Palp. The emperor got up, torch in hand. Sorry, Emperor Palpatine. You are the weakest link." Doing his best Annie Robinson impersonation, he quickly said, "Goodbye!"
**
*
CHAPTER THREE: They Actually Spent a Night as a Team!
**
Author's Note: I have made some minor changes, like Luke gets to bring him laptop and Darth Vader brings an asthma thing. The team order is also different, so I guess I'll have to change Chapter Two, soon, two. I mean too. I was sort of in a hurry to write this, so please excuse typos like tis. Enpoy!
**
The early morning sunlight stung every person's—or creature's—eyes, or whatever organ they used to see. Team One, made up of the sinister Darth Vader a.k.a. the former (or future) Anakin Skywalker, Mara Jade and her husband, Luke Skywalker, Anakin Solo, the Yuuzhan Vong Nom Anor, the famous Jedi Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jacen Solo and Mara's former master, Emperor Palpatine himself, was awaken by Jeft Proast in the wee hours of the morning.
"Survivors of Team One!" He shouted through the hills. "You'd better wake up now or else you're all disqualified!"
As soon as those words left his mouth, hurried feet rustling through the sand was heard all around, coming from the Sandborrow tribe. Jeft quickly strode towards their camp.
He eyed the sleepy fictional characters. "Has anyone here watched the real Survivor series?"
All heads shook from side to side. Fur and hair were swayed by the wind hollowing through the mountains. (Wait a minute, this is supposed to be humor, right? Oh, sorry. I'm getting into my 'serious writer' mood.) Nom Anor's tatoos were… ah… glimmering in the morning sun.
Jeft rolled his eyes. Why couldn't he be like Regis Philbin, huh? He had to be a lowly host who had nothing else in life but explain a game to some fictional Star Wars characters. "Well, you'll get mail on a specific day of the week," he started, pointing to a nearby bamboo tree. "There will be a letter, in the form of a riddle, or if our producers get writer's block, it will just be a normal letter, announcing a challenge, or usually Tribal Council."
Mumblings were exchanged throughout the group. Jacen finally spoke up. "Er, Mr. Roast?"
"It's Proast."
"Oh, yeah. Proast. What's Tribal Council?"
Jeft wanted to rip all the hair off his head. This was getting very annoying, explaining the rules to a bunch of sci-fi people. No, some of them weren't even people! "There are two sorts of challenges. A reward challenge, where you obviously compete for a reward. Then there's the immunity challenge, where you compete, as a team, for immunity."
Before anyone spoke up, he continued. "The team which looses the immunity challenge will have to go to Tribal Council. There the team will vote off one of its members."
"If you still don't get the rules," he said with a renewed exasperation, "then I can't do anything 'bout it."
"Isn't that unethical, Proast?" Luke interjected. "Inviting us to a game, then not telling us the rules?"
Jeft was steaming, but since he was on TV, and if he had any chance of running for president one day, he might as well keep his cool.
"If you got any questions, then ask me. Okay," he rubbed his palms together. "Come with me and I'll give you your first taste of a real challenge."
The clearing was paved with grass, and the Sandburrow members could already see the Norub members fidgeting in their places, impatient and eager for this challenge.
"Now, this is an immunity challenge," he said, pointing to two coconut trees opposite each other. "The goal is to eat as many coconuts as you can whithin the time limit. The catch is, you'll have to run up that tree…"
"Oh, Chewie's good at that," Han whispered to his wife, who was already conspiring against the other team.
"…then you'll have to break open the fruits, eat up EVERYTHING that is inside, then dump its shell or whatever its called into a hole in the ground that you'll have to dig." He saw crooked smiled all around, and figured they were already cooking up ways to win this. "By the way, when you get the coconut you'll have to bring it down, too. Only one nut at a time."
"Okay, on your mark…" Obviously Sandburrow had a different strategy than Norub. Instead of a this-is-your-job-and-this-is-my-job sort of thing, they had decided to do it by taking turns. Luke went first.
"Get set…" If any of them wanted to play this game cleanly at first, then right now any one who had that feeling lost that feeling.
"Go!" Chewbacca ran up their coconut tree just as fast as a jawa could fall from it. Luke, on the other had, was struggling up, while at the same time getting a scolding from his father, clothed in the dark robes and breathing device.
"Luke Sywalker! What are you doing? Get up there this instant!" Darth Vader's voice was low and crisp. "Didn't your mother ever teach you how to climb a tree? Or at least your father?!" He slowed down, and grumbled a faint, "Oh. Never mind."
By the time Luke snatched a fruit, Chewbacca had already grabbed another one. While Luke struggle to open his, Jacen climbed up, and his echoing self-encouragements could barely be heard. Must… get… coconut!" He finally reached the peak, and grasped a fruit. He lost his balance and fell.
"Hey kid," Gavin Darklighter shouted. "Haven't you ever heard of the 'Balance Point'?"
"Ha, ha, very funny. He looked away from his mother's team as he spotted his sister trying to keep her laughter in. She wasn't doing a very good job at it.
"It's by Kathy Tyers!" Gavin roared. The buzzer sounded, and Jeft's voice boomed on a megaphone. "Okay, that's it, people!"
He walked over to Norub's hole. Apparently their strategy had worked. "Seven coconuts," he said, keeping a mental track of the team's score.
Striding over to Sandburrow's hole, which was quite shallow, he say only four coconuts. Even before his mouth opened, he heard a groan. 'Four fruits," he said as sternly as possible. "Apparently, you must go to Tribal Council tonight, Sandburrow." He was interrupted by the clapping and shrieks of joy from the other team.
Continuing, he announced, "I'll see you tonight." Luke's head and shoulders dropped. Jacen, though, secluded himself, meeting them at their camp later that afternoon.
*
At the Norub tribe, there was nothing but celebration. Jaina high- fived her dad as he said, "Told ya Chewie's the best climber of 'em all!"
Well, can't really tell you their story that night. I'd better get going to the Tribal Council, or else that host Jeft will start soon…
***
Finally, thought Jeft, the author's here.
Sorry, Jeft. I thought back. I was at the Norub camp.
I could tell, he complained.
After the host's exchange of thoughts with the author, tribal council started. Jeft started his summary just the way the real host did it on TV.
"Well," he started with a smile, "this is your first tribal council, and the first Star Wars tribal council ever. Jacen, do you think you will be voted out tonight?"
He just shrugged, trying to appear cool and comfortable. "Well, I really don't fell anything. I can't use the Force remember," he reminded. "Besides, I think all of us feel vulnerable right now."
Jeft nodded. "Alright, then. It's time to vote."
Eight members later, Jeft returned. "Once the votes are read, the decision is… er, final."
He pulled out the first one. It said "Jacen, but there was a little note scrawled in the corner. "Brush teeth," it said.
"Palpatine."
Every vote increased the tension in the air.
"Emperor. That's two votes Palpatine, one vote Jacen. The next one reads, Jacen. Three votes, Jacen. The next vote reads… Nom Anor."
The Yuuzhan Vong flinched.
"Next one, Emperor Imp." Jeft withheld his grin.
"Last and deciding vote. Emperor Palp. The emperor got up, torch in hand. Sorry, Emperor Palpatine. You are the weakest link." Doing his best Annie Robinson impersonation, he quickly said, "Goodbye!"
**