Title: Starlight, Starlight
Author: Steven Quinlan
Disclaimer: I own them all....Psych! However the plot is mine
Archives: Let me know where, but otherwise feel free to archive
------
Most humans believe that when you dance with the Devil he changes you.
Most Nietzcheans believe that if they dance with the Devil, they change the Devil.
-Chaddee Wharlocksa,
third seer of Alturn 9
CY 9982
------
"Harper" The word reverberates in my brain like any sound that is locked in a place that just isn't big enough. Hi, I'm Seamus Zelazny Harper, former chief engineer of the Andromeda Ascendant, or, Rommie, as we like to call her. I say former, because, well being blind means I can't do half my job.
Seeing as she is interrupting my session in the computer I guess I should reply to her, even if i know what she's going to say.
"Harper, my records show you've been jacked in for over 8 hours"
"That's right Rom-doll, i'm jacked in, and cruisin' the electron wave" I flash her one of my patented Seamus smiles, it wilts of my face as she glares at me.
"Hey come on, it's not as if i can do anything usefull in the real world."
She gives me a sad smile. Did i mention that the Adnromeda Avatar is hot, and that I can only see her because I'm jacked directly into her mainframe. The things i'm "seeing" are actually just electrical impulses coming straight in through my port, in here, I can see.
Two months ago a panel exploded in my face, according to Trance it left hundreds of slivers of metal embedded all over my face. While most of it has healed okay, there's no way it could fix my eyes.
"Harper, you know that isn't true. Just because you lost your eyesight doesn't mean you aren't a usefull part of the crew. It just means we have to adjust for your new condition"
That sets me right of, one thing I have never dealt well with was pity. "Yeah, unfortunately the only condition I ever wanted was the kind you get from lots of Salsa music and cute danspartners. Care to help?"
I know, i'm being petty, and mean, but I can't help it. Of all the people on the ship, Rommie may actually be the only one who knows what it's like to go blind. The amount of times her sensors have been disabled just isn't funny, and each time I guess it's like going blind.
"Look, i'm sorry, but while i'm in here, at least I can do some good by keeping you in perfect working order. Can't have a shoddy AI now can we, how's that going to look for Dylan's new commonwealth?"
"Nice try Harper, but with the ten hours a day you've been spending in here, my AI program is so smooth, it could be sheet of glass."
I laugh at that. Rommie, my favorite AI, always trying to be the caring attentive mother hen.... Did i just say that out loud? By the look she's giving me i'd say yes.
"Time to go get some sleep, i've alerted Trance to help you get to the mess deck, and then bed." She gives me another smirk and suddenly I know how she's going to get me to leave the AI matrix, and before I can even begin to protest, I feel a sharp electric shock run through my dataport, and I reflexively yank the jack out of it. I massage the back of my neck, grumbling about pushy AI's when I hear the doors to my quarters open and hear Trance walk in.
That's the other thing about being blind, without all the sight to clutter things up, you learn to listen very carefully to what's around you. I could tell it was Trance you see. It was a soft footstep, so it couldn't be Dylan, Tyr or Rev Bem, and because it was light it couldn't be Rommie's avatar either. She's a robot, the added weight makes more noise. Beka's stride is very forceful, much like she is, and these were soft footsteps, so the only person it could be was my very own purple pixie.
We exchange some basic pleasantries while she helps me to my feet and walks beside me towards the mess hall. It only takes us a few minutes to get there. You'd figure that with me being a super genius and all, I'd be able to memorize my way around the ship pretty quickly wouldn't you. Too bad it doesn't work that way. I don't walk evenly so I can't measure distance properly, and believe you me, we tried.
Still feeling a little upset at the fact that Rommie booted me out of the AI matrix, I decide to be a little proactive, so after Trance has put me down at one of the tables, and gone to get food for both of us I start planning. I'll show them i'm not helpless yet.
It's stupid okay, I know that, I'm blind, I should accept my limitations, but you know what? I don't want to. So when Trance puts down my food and drink, I don't wait for her to pass it to me, I reach out and try and grab for the glass, where I think it is on the table, from the sound of where she put it down.
I feel my hand brush against it, and can almost imagine the glass as it falls over, splashing me and part of the bench I'm sitting on with water, then rolling down the table and shattering on the floor below. I listen and hear silence. Tyr is no longr talking to Dylan, Rev isn't muttering wayist prayers any more, and even the boss has stopped eating.
I fight back tears as wave after wave of helplessness wash over me, and I think I have it under control untill trance intones, ever so patiently,
"Harper, you should have waited, I could have passed it to you."
I thought Rommie was bad, this is ten times worse, a hundred times, heck, maybe more. I'm Seamus Harper dammit, not some two year old who needs to be fed. With a quick motion I stand up and snap that thought to Trance before turning round and stalking out. I hope I don't trip before I find a wall i can follow to the door.
I must have left them with their jaws open, eith that or I'm finally getting the hang of blind navigation, as I'm out the door before anyone tries to stop me. I make it probably over thirty feet before I miss an incline in the deck and go crashing to the floor. I consider getting up again, but I figure, what's the point. I'll just fall down again.
I shake my head bitterly, story of my life, I get up, and get knocked down, I get up and get knocked down, over and over and over. Now i've gone and made a fool out of myself to the others as well, just great.
Again I hear soft footsteps approach me.
"Harper, are you okay?"
"What kind of stupid question is that Trance, I'm blind, or didn't you notice" I practically shout at her. I regret it the moment I say it, well, shout it, because Trance doesn't deserve that. I don't say anything though, i'm still too upset."
"Please Harper, i'm only trying to help." Oh God, I can tell that tone of voice without my eyes. Great job Harper, you made her cry. Are you happy with yourself now? What an accomplishment.
I reach out to the sound of her sniffling, and motion for her to come over to me. Thankfully she does and she puts a single hand in mine. Did you know she has a very smooth skin, a lot smoother than a humans, again, something I never noticed before.
Now that I have a hold of her I pull her down beside me and put my arms around her in a hug.
"Hey, it's okay. I know you're only trying to help, but this whole invalid thing, it makes me feel so useless. I can't really explain it, but this is so unfair. Unfair to me, unfair to you guys."
"I know what you mean Harper, I feel useless too. You're my friend, and I can't do anything to really help you. I mean I can walk you about and bring you tuff" She puts a single hand on my chest, "But I can't help you in here, where it hurts most."
I smile at that, There really is only one Trance Gemini. "Hey, let's have no more of that from my sparkly purple babe. You're here, and you care, that's all the help I need."
I can almost feel her smile, but then that's Trance for you. she pulls out of the hug and helps me to my feet, before turning me round and dragging me back to the mes hall for a late dinner.
--
Waking up is the worst. You go from one darkness to another, and even after two months it's still disorienting and fightning, but I figure i'm beginning to get used to it.... yeah right. I reach out my right hand to the can of Sparky Cola that I keep next to my bedside, only to find it isn't there. it takes me a moment to realise that's because I'm not in my bed, I'm on the couch. I feel around me, and sure enough, a tail, attached to a body, attached to Trance.
Last night, after the lunchroom debacle, she walked me back to my quarters and insisted on pending some more time with me. We started playing a game, she'd put on some music and i'd try and guess the title. I got forty-eight out of her fifty-one choices. We must have fallen asleep at some point or another.
I smile as I look forward to the day, surprising I know, but today we're actually doing something I like. Well no, not really, I hate shopping, but since Beka is taking me past doctors who may be able to either clone me a new pair of eyes, or fix me up with Bionics, I am more than up for it.
We actually tried half a dozen places already, but apparently cloning is so rare these days that we haven't found anyone who can do it, and Bionic eye replacements for humans will cost a fortune. The good old Harper is human Gene strikes again. Apparently, in my weak immune system is a particular sequence which is ultra sensetive to foreign equipment. I can handle the dataport because it plugs straight into my neural system without needing to use anyof the bodies relays. Bionic eyes however, have to be able to interface with my bodies own connections. Bionic eyes for me are going to be hard to find.
It takes me a while to get ready, can't help but want to look my best, even if I can't look back at anyone, before Beka calls that she is ready to go. I tell her to come over and we head down to the surface in the Maru. I find it strange, I can navigate the Maru without trouble, and by myself, I think it's because the Maru is smaller, less room to get turned around while going through it. I sit with Beka in the Command room, I can't call it a deck, and once again hate the fact that I can't see the stars.
When i was a kid, growing up the way I did on Earth, the one thing I always enjoyed doing was looking at the stars. They gave me hope that somewhere out there, a better life could be found. I did find it, with Beka, and I still have that better life, to be honest, but I miss the stars.
That sort of makes the mood somber, and the day doesn't get any better. We visit four places here, in Kendran Drift, and the only Doc we find, that Beka trust to do the operation won't do it for less than 50,000 thrones. We simply don't have that sort of money. What little money we make with the Andromeda goes to buying parts she can't replicate and we're mostly broke or nearly so.
I'm standing there quietly cursing the guy when someone knocks into me hard. I shout at the person to back off, right before a solid hand slams into my cheek. Let's be honest, I'm not a big heavy guy like Dylan or Tyr, I'm weedy and i don't eat as much as I should, the result? When a fist like that hits me I go flying.
Hitting the ground hurts, I realise groggily. Sitting up is totally out of the question, but I think I can lift myself on my arms. I hear Beka shouting my name, and the familiar sounds of people getting hurt as flesh hits flesh. There's nothing I can do, as someone kicks me in the head dropping me to the ground.
Once again I feel so utterly useless, my boss, my friend is in trouble, she's calling me, and I can't do a thing to help her. I'm almost glad for the next kick that knocks me out. At least now i don't ahve to be awake and deal with my guilt.
Author: Steven Quinlan
Disclaimer: I own them all....Psych! However the plot is mine
Archives: Let me know where, but otherwise feel free to archive
------
Most humans believe that when you dance with the Devil he changes you.
Most Nietzcheans believe that if they dance with the Devil, they change the Devil.
-Chaddee Wharlocksa,
third seer of Alturn 9
CY 9982
------
"Harper" The word reverberates in my brain like any sound that is locked in a place that just isn't big enough. Hi, I'm Seamus Zelazny Harper, former chief engineer of the Andromeda Ascendant, or, Rommie, as we like to call her. I say former, because, well being blind means I can't do half my job.
Seeing as she is interrupting my session in the computer I guess I should reply to her, even if i know what she's going to say.
"Harper, my records show you've been jacked in for over 8 hours"
"That's right Rom-doll, i'm jacked in, and cruisin' the electron wave" I flash her one of my patented Seamus smiles, it wilts of my face as she glares at me.
"Hey come on, it's not as if i can do anything usefull in the real world."
She gives me a sad smile. Did i mention that the Adnromeda Avatar is hot, and that I can only see her because I'm jacked directly into her mainframe. The things i'm "seeing" are actually just electrical impulses coming straight in through my port, in here, I can see.
Two months ago a panel exploded in my face, according to Trance it left hundreds of slivers of metal embedded all over my face. While most of it has healed okay, there's no way it could fix my eyes.
"Harper, you know that isn't true. Just because you lost your eyesight doesn't mean you aren't a usefull part of the crew. It just means we have to adjust for your new condition"
That sets me right of, one thing I have never dealt well with was pity. "Yeah, unfortunately the only condition I ever wanted was the kind you get from lots of Salsa music and cute danspartners. Care to help?"
I know, i'm being petty, and mean, but I can't help it. Of all the people on the ship, Rommie may actually be the only one who knows what it's like to go blind. The amount of times her sensors have been disabled just isn't funny, and each time I guess it's like going blind.
"Look, i'm sorry, but while i'm in here, at least I can do some good by keeping you in perfect working order. Can't have a shoddy AI now can we, how's that going to look for Dylan's new commonwealth?"
"Nice try Harper, but with the ten hours a day you've been spending in here, my AI program is so smooth, it could be sheet of glass."
I laugh at that. Rommie, my favorite AI, always trying to be the caring attentive mother hen.... Did i just say that out loud? By the look she's giving me i'd say yes.
"Time to go get some sleep, i've alerted Trance to help you get to the mess deck, and then bed." She gives me another smirk and suddenly I know how she's going to get me to leave the AI matrix, and before I can even begin to protest, I feel a sharp electric shock run through my dataport, and I reflexively yank the jack out of it. I massage the back of my neck, grumbling about pushy AI's when I hear the doors to my quarters open and hear Trance walk in.
That's the other thing about being blind, without all the sight to clutter things up, you learn to listen very carefully to what's around you. I could tell it was Trance you see. It was a soft footstep, so it couldn't be Dylan, Tyr or Rev Bem, and because it was light it couldn't be Rommie's avatar either. She's a robot, the added weight makes more noise. Beka's stride is very forceful, much like she is, and these were soft footsteps, so the only person it could be was my very own purple pixie.
We exchange some basic pleasantries while she helps me to my feet and walks beside me towards the mess hall. It only takes us a few minutes to get there. You'd figure that with me being a super genius and all, I'd be able to memorize my way around the ship pretty quickly wouldn't you. Too bad it doesn't work that way. I don't walk evenly so I can't measure distance properly, and believe you me, we tried.
Still feeling a little upset at the fact that Rommie booted me out of the AI matrix, I decide to be a little proactive, so after Trance has put me down at one of the tables, and gone to get food for both of us I start planning. I'll show them i'm not helpless yet.
It's stupid okay, I know that, I'm blind, I should accept my limitations, but you know what? I don't want to. So when Trance puts down my food and drink, I don't wait for her to pass it to me, I reach out and try and grab for the glass, where I think it is on the table, from the sound of where she put it down.
I feel my hand brush against it, and can almost imagine the glass as it falls over, splashing me and part of the bench I'm sitting on with water, then rolling down the table and shattering on the floor below. I listen and hear silence. Tyr is no longr talking to Dylan, Rev isn't muttering wayist prayers any more, and even the boss has stopped eating.
I fight back tears as wave after wave of helplessness wash over me, and I think I have it under control untill trance intones, ever so patiently,
"Harper, you should have waited, I could have passed it to you."
I thought Rommie was bad, this is ten times worse, a hundred times, heck, maybe more. I'm Seamus Harper dammit, not some two year old who needs to be fed. With a quick motion I stand up and snap that thought to Trance before turning round and stalking out. I hope I don't trip before I find a wall i can follow to the door.
I must have left them with their jaws open, eith that or I'm finally getting the hang of blind navigation, as I'm out the door before anyone tries to stop me. I make it probably over thirty feet before I miss an incline in the deck and go crashing to the floor. I consider getting up again, but I figure, what's the point. I'll just fall down again.
I shake my head bitterly, story of my life, I get up, and get knocked down, I get up and get knocked down, over and over and over. Now i've gone and made a fool out of myself to the others as well, just great.
Again I hear soft footsteps approach me.
"Harper, are you okay?"
"What kind of stupid question is that Trance, I'm blind, or didn't you notice" I practically shout at her. I regret it the moment I say it, well, shout it, because Trance doesn't deserve that. I don't say anything though, i'm still too upset."
"Please Harper, i'm only trying to help." Oh God, I can tell that tone of voice without my eyes. Great job Harper, you made her cry. Are you happy with yourself now? What an accomplishment.
I reach out to the sound of her sniffling, and motion for her to come over to me. Thankfully she does and she puts a single hand in mine. Did you know she has a very smooth skin, a lot smoother than a humans, again, something I never noticed before.
Now that I have a hold of her I pull her down beside me and put my arms around her in a hug.
"Hey, it's okay. I know you're only trying to help, but this whole invalid thing, it makes me feel so useless. I can't really explain it, but this is so unfair. Unfair to me, unfair to you guys."
"I know what you mean Harper, I feel useless too. You're my friend, and I can't do anything to really help you. I mean I can walk you about and bring you tuff" She puts a single hand on my chest, "But I can't help you in here, where it hurts most."
I smile at that, There really is only one Trance Gemini. "Hey, let's have no more of that from my sparkly purple babe. You're here, and you care, that's all the help I need."
I can almost feel her smile, but then that's Trance for you. she pulls out of the hug and helps me to my feet, before turning me round and dragging me back to the mes hall for a late dinner.
--
Waking up is the worst. You go from one darkness to another, and even after two months it's still disorienting and fightning, but I figure i'm beginning to get used to it.... yeah right. I reach out my right hand to the can of Sparky Cola that I keep next to my bedside, only to find it isn't there. it takes me a moment to realise that's because I'm not in my bed, I'm on the couch. I feel around me, and sure enough, a tail, attached to a body, attached to Trance.
Last night, after the lunchroom debacle, she walked me back to my quarters and insisted on pending some more time with me. We started playing a game, she'd put on some music and i'd try and guess the title. I got forty-eight out of her fifty-one choices. We must have fallen asleep at some point or another.
I smile as I look forward to the day, surprising I know, but today we're actually doing something I like. Well no, not really, I hate shopping, but since Beka is taking me past doctors who may be able to either clone me a new pair of eyes, or fix me up with Bionics, I am more than up for it.
We actually tried half a dozen places already, but apparently cloning is so rare these days that we haven't found anyone who can do it, and Bionic eye replacements for humans will cost a fortune. The good old Harper is human Gene strikes again. Apparently, in my weak immune system is a particular sequence which is ultra sensetive to foreign equipment. I can handle the dataport because it plugs straight into my neural system without needing to use anyof the bodies relays. Bionic eyes however, have to be able to interface with my bodies own connections. Bionic eyes for me are going to be hard to find.
It takes me a while to get ready, can't help but want to look my best, even if I can't look back at anyone, before Beka calls that she is ready to go. I tell her to come over and we head down to the surface in the Maru. I find it strange, I can navigate the Maru without trouble, and by myself, I think it's because the Maru is smaller, less room to get turned around while going through it. I sit with Beka in the Command room, I can't call it a deck, and once again hate the fact that I can't see the stars.
When i was a kid, growing up the way I did on Earth, the one thing I always enjoyed doing was looking at the stars. They gave me hope that somewhere out there, a better life could be found. I did find it, with Beka, and I still have that better life, to be honest, but I miss the stars.
That sort of makes the mood somber, and the day doesn't get any better. We visit four places here, in Kendran Drift, and the only Doc we find, that Beka trust to do the operation won't do it for less than 50,000 thrones. We simply don't have that sort of money. What little money we make with the Andromeda goes to buying parts she can't replicate and we're mostly broke or nearly so.
I'm standing there quietly cursing the guy when someone knocks into me hard. I shout at the person to back off, right before a solid hand slams into my cheek. Let's be honest, I'm not a big heavy guy like Dylan or Tyr, I'm weedy and i don't eat as much as I should, the result? When a fist like that hits me I go flying.
Hitting the ground hurts, I realise groggily. Sitting up is totally out of the question, but I think I can lift myself on my arms. I hear Beka shouting my name, and the familiar sounds of people getting hurt as flesh hits flesh. There's nothing I can do, as someone kicks me in the head dropping me to the ground.
Once again I feel so utterly useless, my boss, my friend is in trouble, she's calling me, and I can't do a thing to help her. I'm almost glad for the next kick that knocks me out. At least now i don't ahve to be awake and deal with my guilt.