Quistis had long drilled herself to be up with the sun; she could often tell the time of day simply by the level of light that was peeking through her dormitory window. Today, however, a number of factors were throwing off her calculations. For one, she was in Timber, and her biological clock was screaming at her that something was amiss. For another, she was not in her dormitory, but in an unfamiliar hotel room. And finally, it was pitch black outside; she had awakened well before the predawn hour.

Nonetheless, she quickly determined that no amount of effort would convince her body to accept a return to sleep; the moment her mind had returned to consciousness, a host of thoughts had sparked to life, and had no intention of returning to dormancy.

Careful not to disturb Squall, who lay resting next to her, she slid out of bed and padded over to the doors to the hotel room balcony. She quietly let herself out into the calm autumn night, looking out over the skyline of downtown Timber. The lights of the intra-city trams flitted about the town like faeries, and the city lights almost seemed like a pattern of stars. There was a sort of peace to the scene; Quistis could imagine the aftermath of a long night spen in celebration of their nation's newly achieved independence, not unlike that night after they had defeated Ultimecia, when they all stayed up almost to the morning.

That party was another of the memories that had flooded into her mind, unbidden, yesterday night. Like all the memories that had returned to her, this one was centered about Rinoa. Or rather, Squall and Rinoa. They'd stayed out on the balcony the whole night, not once coming in or ever taking their attention away from each other. Quistis had stayed around later than most of the others; she'd told herself she wanted to congratulate the two of them on their success in the battle, which she had not had any chance to do. But looking back now, it was easy to see just how jealous she had been. Not just of Rinoa for having Squall, but of both of them, for having someone.

Or had that been only a lie she'd told herself, too? Or had her supposed love for Squall been the lie? She shook her head sadly. After being married to him for this many years, she would think she could be able to reconcile her feelings about him.

But then, how could she understand things she couldn't even remember? All her memories were of Squall and Rinoa; try as she would, she was unable to discover a single one regarding Squall and her.

When I saw how she was affecting him, how he was beginning to open up to her in a way he never would with me, I knew I never had a chance. And now, with all these memories of them together, I can't bring myself to believe even now.

It was ridiculous, she knew. After all, he was sleeping just inside the door. But every time she told herself that, she would see him with Rinoa, smiling, acting like a real person; whereas with Quistis, he was always looking for ways to make her go away. Though the memories were six years old, she felt as if they could have happened yesterday.

Go talk to a wall, she muttered. It was too easy to believe that Squall could never hold a warm place in his heart for her. Too easy to think that he only cared for this dark-haired girl with the pretty smile.

She heard the click of the latch on the balcony door. For a moment, she thought she had failed to shut it properly, but then she heard his footsteps behind her. She didn't look at him, instead continuing to gaze out at the Timber cityscape as a cool breeze began to rustle her nightgown. Naturally, he remained silent as well; as always, she knew that if anything was going to be said, the first words would have to be hers.

she said, a sigh escaping with her words. Do you remember our wedding at all?

His voice was calm, absent tone, but she nonetheless picked up a hint of frustration that few others could discern. At least she knew him that well.

Do you know how we got engaged? When we had our first date? How long we've been married?

He didn't respond. She hadn't really expected him to. Sighing wearily, she rested her shoulders on the balcony railing and let her gaze fall down to the streets below. Her body felt exhausted, but she knew that her mind would forbid her to sleep.

Our anniversary is in five weeks, she said. Beyond that, I don't know anything. If it's our first anniversary, or our third, or our sixth She sighed again. I don't remember all those things that we're supposed to keep with us for the rest of our lives. I don't know how we got married, I don't know when,

I don't know why. She lapsed into silence again, unable to vocalize her most striking fear. I don't know if he really loves me.

They remained in silence for a long time. Eventually, Quistis' eyes were caught by the gleam of the wedding band on her finger. It was infuriating, she thought; she knew what the ring was, and what it meant, but beyond that there was nothing. She couldn't remember how she had gotten it, or when; it was simply there.

How can we ever understand our lives if we can only remember bits and pieces of who we were? How can we be sure we made the right choices, if we don't even remember what they were, or why we made them?

A little hesitantly, she glanced over at him for the first time since he had come onto the balcony. His hair was shorter, and he seemed taller than sheremembered. Was she truly so lost in these memories that she expected her husband to look the same as he did when he was seventeen?

And what if Squall now saw her as she had been six years ago; as the nosy instructor who was so desperate as to drag one of her former students out to the Secret Area on the night of his graduation? Would he now feel as cold to her as he had that night?

If it was infuriating to forget, she thought, now this partial remembrance was terrifying. How could Squall fail to see the Quistis from six years ago, when he could remember her so much better than the woman she was now. She couldn't remember who she was now, she was so caught up in the memories.

The GF, Squall muttered, breaking her from her reverie. Now he glanced over at her.

she asked. She had been so caught up in her fears that she was completely unable to reconcile his statement with anything contained within her active mind.

These things must have all happened while we were still on active duty, and we were junctioning a lot of GFs. The GF made us forget, just like we forgot about our childhoods when we first began to junction.

Of course. She wondered why she hadn't realized that. Probably because the one thing that she hadn't been thinking about was why they had forgotten.

Squall glanced away again, looking profusely uncomfortable. He never acted like this before Rinoa, she thought. As a matter of fact, he never showed this kind of discomfort with Rinoa. This sparked some other memory deep within her mind, one that she couldn't quite grasp.

Back then, Squall began, you were never really sure of yourself. You tried to act like you were, because so many of the students looked up to you. He paused. I think you told me this once, and I didn't want to listen. I thoughtyou were weak, because you couldn't deal with those problems on your own.

Quistis was silent. She felt the sting of his judgment, but she fought it off; he was trying to say something, and that was something the Squall she remembered would not do. This was her husband talking.

I think it was your adoptive parents. You came to Garden because they didn't think you were worth their efforts, and so you always tried to prove them wrong, even though they weren't watching. You needed someone to believe in you, to say you deserved to be where you were. Once you realized that you shouldn't spend so much time doubting yourself and looking to others to tell you who you werewell, you were a lot less annoying.

She laughed, despite herself. At first, there was a flood of relief at the realization that he had remembered her; then the meaning of his words began to sink in. Once more, she had been waiting for Squall to give her some sign that he wouldn't abandon her and run off to be with Rinoa. She knew it wasn't normal for her to be so fragile, but it had been typical for the Quistis who had seen Squall with Rinoa. And she'd unconsciously been allowing herself to become that person again.

Maybe it's better when we don't remember, she said. If we get too caught up in the past, we lose sight of the present. And how can we ever move forward if we spend all our time wondering about what we could have done differently in the past?

Squall nodded, giving a small smile that, she happily realized, was very familiar to her. I'm still not quite sure why I decided to marry you, he said, but I'm willing to believe it was the right choice.

Quistis smiled back. Me, too.

A moment passed with the two of them simply looking at each other. The memories of Rinoa that had resurfaced last night had very nearly made them forget how much they both had changed over the last six years. But now, those memories were in the past where they belonged, and they had their marriage back in proper order.

Well, for god's sake, Quistis said. Let's get back to bed. We won't make a very good impression if we show up for the ceremony half-asleep.