Meili awoke groggy and disoriented, her eyes fluttering slowly as they adjusted to the light. She lightly rose a hand up to her face, blocking the sun seeping through the tent's walls she appeared to be resting in. She coughed, realizing that she at some point had passed out.
Pushing herself up, Meili moved her hand to her head, rubbing against her temple where a headache was pounding. Her brain was fuzzy, and the last thing she seemed to remember was the Fire Festival. And then they were in the forest, they were ambushed, and then they were walking…
"You're awake."
The voice startled her, for she did not expect for someone else's company to be in her own. She could tell by the octave that it was Sokka, in all his sarcastic glory. She lightly turned to meet his voice, but instead of his normal, goofy demeanor, the boy's face appeared angry. He was sitting with one leg propped up, his right arm draped loosely over it. The boy's eyes had low shadows, as if he hadn't slept.
Meili fully turned her head to the right, her eyes focusing in on the figure seated beside her.
"How... long was I out for?" Meili questioned softly.
"About a day. You slept all last night and through today. The sun's about to go down soon."
Meili crossed her legs tentatively, turning away from the Water Tribe boy. "Well, now that I'm awake, we can leave."
There was a pause, one that Meili was not used to. Sokka normally took no time in filling silences, usually chiming in with an inappropriately timed joke. But instead, all Meili could hear was the boy clearing his throat roughly.
"We can leave? Meili, do you think this is a joke? You were seriously sick. Your skin felt like it was on fire! Why didn't you tell us?"
"…It would've slowed us down," Meili muttered, her brows furrowing together.
Sokka was quiet for a moment. "How long?"
"How long what?" Meili questioned.
"How long have you been sick for."
The black-haired girl coughed lightly into the crook of her arm, her gaze slightly looking up to Sokka's.
"I don't know."
A low scoff. "I'm not buying that."
He was angry. His eyebrows were pulled down together and his jaw was tense. Sokka's blue eyes, like the crashing waves, honed in on her sick figure with an even glare. She didn't know why he was so mad. It's not like they wasted that much time on her recovery. Besides, it's not their job to care for her.
But she figured the boy would soon grow more irate, and his voice would start to crack with irritation if she didn't tell him, and she didn't feel like dealing with his screeches. Meili sighed. "Since we ... left that Earth Kingdom ballroom."
"You've been sick ever since me and Katara sucked on those frogs?" Sokka all but yelled, causing Meili to wince slightly. "Meili, are you crazy? Why didn't you ... I can't believe you kept this a secret all this time!"
"It wasn't that bad." Meili scowled, not surprised that Sokka had chosen to screech anyways. "I was handling it just fine."
"Just fine..." Sokka repeated. "Just fine? You think being sick and fighting two Fire Nation generals is just fine? You think getting worse and worse day by day until you fall over is just fine?"
"I don't need anyone's help," Meili bit back. "Not yours. Not anybody's. You already told me that you can't trust me. What makes you think that I trust you?"
"That was—" Sokka spoke, cutting himself off shortly after. "That wasn't what I said. I called you a liar and — well, that was a mistake... I messed up. I was just mad, okay? At a lot of things, and I took it out on you. Even though you lied to us, I took it too far."
Meili looked down into her lap, fiddling with her hands laying atop the alabaster blanket covering her legs. She was lying to herself. Because a part of her knew that despite her venom-laced words, she did trust the people she was with now. And it was with that trust that she was becoming fearful. Meili always attributed trust with weakness. Trusting someone meant that she cared about them. It allowed leverage. It could be used against her.
She didn't want to trust or even care for the people she had been traveling with. She tried to fight it. But it was the overwhelming sense of being cared for that had started to resonate inside of her. Meili had always been alone. Even with Jai, she always felt like she had no purpose.
But with these three travelers, everything just felt right.
"I'm sorry also about - uh... acting different," Sokka mumbled out awkwardly. "When I saw your face, I mean."
Meili moved to twirl a piece of her hair, turning away from the boy. "Seems like my face isn't a secret anymore, is it?"
His apologies were… new to her. Sokka was a boy of conviction, who hardly said things he didn't mean. So for him to go out of his way to apologize for his actions, twice, Meili wasn't sure how to take it. Did he have an ulterior motive? Was he just trying to get back in her good graces?
"Well," Sokka dragged out, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. "Yeah, no. When you fell, your hood came off, and to see if you were alright, we had to continuously monitor your fever, which meant leaving it off."
Meili rolled her eyes. "Figures."
With a wince, the girl lightly began to push herself up from the cot on the ground. She was surprised with how easy it was, until she looked to her right to see Sokka lifting her up from under her arm. His tanned fingers were wrapped around her tricep, holding her steady as she attempted to right herself.
"I've got it," Meili grumbled, rolling her shoulder back to move the boy's hand from her arm.
"Fine, fine," Sokka said, shrugging and turning away.
Meili in turn, fumbled in her spot, immediately losing balance. She noticed that her body was very weak, feeble, and uncooperative. Before she crashed to the ground, however, she felt the familiar feeling of warm fingers pressed into her tricep once more.
"Are you sure you got it?" Sokka's voice came snarky from behind her.
Meili's eyebrow quivered ever so slightly in annoyance, and she turned her head away from the boy indignantly. "Okay, I might need a little help."
Sokka moved her arm over his shoulder, propping her upright so she could walk beside him.
"A few things happened while you were out," Sokka spoke. "Aang started learning how to firebend, he accidentally burned Katara, Katara learned she has healing powers — which is actually kind of annoying because when we were younger, I hurt myself all the time, and I didn't see her healing me then. Like when I fell into the greaseberry bramble … Oh, and the time this mink snake bit me! —"
"Aang can firebend?" Meili questioned.
"Not really. He tried, but Jeong Jeong said he wasn't ready." Sokka paused as if in thought. "Oh! Speaking of that old geezer, he wanted to see you after you woke up."
"Why?" Meili asked, and Sokka shrugged as he opened up the entrance to the tent.
"Beats me. I don't speak crazy ex-Fire Nation. I'm sure he'll tell you why."
Exiting the tent, Meili was met with a bright, vibrant campsite with small cottages lining a river. The sun had just begun its descent int sunset, painting the sky with brilliant hues of gold and red.
Katara was standing in the neighboring brook, moving and twirling the water under her control in a display of whips and lashes. Aang was standing in front of one of the larger cottages, talking to an older man decorated in dark robes. His left eye, similarly to hers, had a scar running through it. As they exited Meili's healing chambers, everyone seemed to take notice of her presence.
"You're awake!" the monk's voice suddenly yelled, and a whistle of wind blew as an eccentric flash of yellow stopped abruptly in front of the two teens. "I'm so glad you're alright."
"Thanks, Avatar," Meili said shyly, looking away from his cheerful eyes. "I'm … sorry … for not saying anything sooner."
"Oh, so now you're sorry?" Sokka shrieked, his voice cracking in the process.
The boy was then slapped on the back of the head, courtesy of his sister who approached from behind. "Don't be so loud, Sokka. She's still healing."
"No thanks to you, Katara," Aang said lowly, with a small hint of a blush.
Katara rubbed the back of her neck bashfully, "I mean, I'm no expert. But it was cool being able to test out my new abilities."
"Well, thank you, too," Meili attempted to smile. Though it came out more pained-looking than anything else.
"Wow, it's so crazy seeing you do that!" Katara said enthusiastically.
"Do what?" Meili questioned.
"Have emotions? Have a face?" Sokka filled in the blank.
"It's like I'm meeting you for the first time," Katara smiled.
Meili looked at them all pointedly. "Are we done now? It's just a face."
Katara's eyes lit up. "Wow! That's the exact expression I pictured you making whenever you say something sarcastic!"
Meili pulled her hood over her head. "Okay, and away it goes."
"Aw, c'mon! Leave it off!" Katara whined.
"If I may—" a powerful voice interrupted, and the kids all turned to face the Deserter, the man who escaped from the Fire Nation army, the man leading part of the resistance.
"Master Jeong Jeong," Aang spoke, bowing politely before gesturing to Meili.
"I heard you wanted to see me," the girl spoke evenly, earning a nod from the older man.
"Come."
The man began his descent away, walking down a dirt path leading toward a mountain in the distance. Meili turned to her companions, who all nodded their heads for her to follow. Sokka moved to grab some contraption from Aang, which turned out to be a makeshift crutch carved from wood.
"I made this for you to walk," Sokka said calmly, removing Meili's arm from around his shoulder and placing the blanket-padded crutch underneath of her armpit. She realized that the padding was actually a cut up piece of one of his woolen jackets, patched together and tied to the crutch with fishing line.
Meili silently pieced together that Sokka's dark circles had come from staying up to make her the crutch, and she felt slightly embarrassed that he put so much work into making something so small for her. She quietly thanked the Water Tribe boy for his gift and hobbled after the old master walking up the path to the mountain's summit.
Meili followed the firebender silently up the mountain, listening to Jeong Jeong's footsteps. He carried himself with so much prestige, and she could feel his chi radiating in a way that intimidated her. Feeling the master's aura, a chi so strong and powerful, made her almost fearful for what he was going to say.
"You had a rare firebending condition known as fire lungs," Jeong Jeong spoke. "It's a sickness that causes your chi to inflame the lungs, triggering flu-like symptoms to appear. As far as we know, firebenders get this when their chi levels become imbalanced, most-likely due to a previous illness weakening the immune system or even stress."
Meili stared forward, trying her best not to fall over with the crutch.
"I can see that your friends do not know, so I told them that it was a virus," Jeong Jeong said harshly. "I can understand your pain. Fire brings destruction. It forces those of us burdened with its care to walk a razor's edge between humanity and savagery. Eventually, we are torn apart."
"I always wondered why the spirits cursed me with these abilities," Meili spoke lowly. "I've hurt so many people because of what I am. How do you cope with it?"
"Fire is a horrible burden to bear. Its nature is to consume and without control, it destroys everything around it," Jeong Jeong grimaced, his gaze even in front of him. "Fire is alive! It breathes, it grows. Without the bender, fire will spread and destroy everything in its path if one does not have the will to control it. In the army, we were never taught restraint. But you — you have a chance to change the face of this curse."
There was a quiet pause as the man's words sunk into Meili's mind, and she processed what he was saying with each step uphill she took.
"What if I hurt the people I love again?" Meili questioned quietly, her gaze focused on his feet. "I can't hurt these people I'm with now. But I've never been taught control. I've been taught to fear who I am — to fear fire."
Jeong Jeong sighed gruffly. "I had a pupil once who had no interest in learning discipline. He was only concerned with the power of fire — how he could use it to destroy his opponents and wipe out the obstacles in his path. So much of our power comes from the breath. Not the muscles. The breath becomes energy in the body. The energy extends past your limbs and becomes fire. Without the proper foundation, fire is just a tool of destruction."
"But how does this help me?" Meili asked. The two came to a stop on top of the mountain, overlooking the forest of trees below.
"There was a reason that I knew I couldn't teach the Avatar. Not only is he not ready, but I knew I was not meant to be his master. Just like the other elements, fire is necessary for balance. Even when the war ends, the dance between darkness and light will always remain— the stars and the moon will always need the darkness to be seen, the darkness wouldn't be worth having without the moon and the stars."
"Why are you telling me this?"
Jeong Jeong shook his head. "Being a firebender, you are merely the guide of energy. You do not command it. You do not force it. Understanding the positive and negative energies of yin and yang can help you to understand why this curse was brought upon you."
"So basically I'm just supposed to find the good in me being a firebender?" Meili attempted to clarify.
"No," Jeong Jeong huffed. "The source of your power is important. Fuel your fire with pain and rage and the results can be uncontrollable; alter your perceptions to hope and change and the flames become energy and life. You decide what course your bending takes."
Meili looked back over to the land below the mountain's summit. She knew she had to tell them — eventually, whenever the time was right. She looked back on telling Jai. It was one of the hardest moments of her life.
It was a little over a year since Jai had first come to the orphanage, a year and a half before they joined the Freedom Fighters. By then, he was five and Meili had just turned eleven. They were sitting out on the back porch to the orphanage, holding a small cupcake that one of the caregivers had given to Meili. There was a candle pressed into the vanilla cake, but it had not been lit.
"Stupid caregivers, they forgot to light it!" Jai said grumpily, standing up sharply. "How are you supposed to make your birthday wish now?"
Meili lightly tugged on the bottom of his shirt, pulling him back over.
"It's okay," the girl spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. "I need to … tell you something. But it's a secret, okay? Which means you can't tell anyone! Got it?"
Jai's head perked up. "A secret?"
"Yes," Meili nodded. "If you tell anyone, I could be in danger. It's something I've never told anyone…"
Jai sat back down, his little legs dangling off the side of the patio. It was raining outside, and the tips of his shoes had droplets of water tapping steadily on the leather. Thunder boomed in the nighttime are, reverberating off of the wooden orphanage walls and echoing through the porch.
"I don't know who my parents are. I never have," Meili started, her throat tight. "I found out when I was five."
"Found out what?" Jai pressed.
"They had given me a gift at birth that I didn't know about. Something I found out on my own."
"A gift? Like a family heirloom?" Jai asked.
Meili shook her head. "I'm… a bender."
Thunder crackled in the air.
"Wow, that's so cool!" Jai exclaimed, jumping up in his spot. "Is it fun to lift up rocks? I always wished I could pick up a huge boulder and just .. throw it!"
Meili smiled anxiously. "Jai, I— I'm not…. I'm not an earthbender."
Jai paused in his movements, his eyebrows pulling down in confusion. "You're a… waterbender?"
Meili took a deep breath, holding the small cake in her left hand as she lifted up her right. Bringing a finger towards the candle, her finger suddenly flickered in bright light. Jai thought it had been the lightening outside, but he soon saw the small flame burning off of the girl's fingertip as she lit the candle on the cupcake.
Jai fell to the ground and scurried back, his face contorting into fright. "Y-you're a — stay away!"
"It's okay!" Meili frowned, blowing the flame on the candle out. "It's okay. Please. Please don't back away."
Jai lifted his hands up in front of his face, cowering in fear as Meili sauntered closer. She gently took her hand and grabbed his forearm, and Jai was surprised to feel that her hand felt normal. No heat. No fire.
He silently looked up. "You're a firebender?"
Meili looked away. "I found out the hard way. But I never asked to be this… monster."
"You're not in the army?"
The girl shook her head. "No."
Jai sighed, grabbing the cupcake from the girl in front of him. "Well, I mean, I guess that's why everyone has always been afraid of you. Maybe because your energy just feels dangerous."
"Maybe," Meili whispered, her eyes pulling away from the younger boy's. "I wish I wasn't. I wish I was normal. I'm sorry you had to learn about this."
Jai pulled the candle out of the cupcake, throwing it off of the patio and out into the rain.
"Even though you're a firebender, I mean… you're always going to be an Earth Kingdom citizen, right? So it doesn't matter if you can bend rocks or bend fire… because this is still your home, not the Fire Nation."
Meili looked taken aback, not expecting the boy's even reaction. "This is my home. Wherever you are."
Jai grinned ripping the cupcake in half. It crumbled under his touch, and pieces fell to the floor under them as he extended the cake out to Meili. "And no matter who we are, we're always going to be family."
Meili smiled slightly, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away. "Y-yes. Always."
Meili was brought back to the mountain as Jeong Jeong cleared his throat, and she turned her head to the older man. He motioned his head backward, signaling that it was time to head back. Meili resituated the crutch underneath of her armpit before nodding and following behind the man once again.
They made their way back down to the cottages. Sokka was seen cleaning his boomerang in the water where Aang and Katara were practicing waterbending in front of him. It was late, and normally the group would have been tucked into their cots by now, but it seemed as if they were waiting for Meili to arrive.
"You have a good group in front of you. They may lack concentration, but they have good hearts.."
Meili bowed to the man in front of her. "Thank you for your words of wisdom. I will remember them on our journey."
"I left some medicine for you in a pouch given to the Avatar. Your waterbender friend should help you out as well. It's the same medicine I use when I get fire lungs."
"You're very kind," Meili smiled.
Aang walked over slowly from the water, pulling himself out of the river and airbending himself dry. Momo flew onto the monk's shoulder. "We're all packed up and ready to go when you are, Meili. Katara got all of your stuff."
Sokka got up from his spot and slung a bag over his shoulder, presumably holding provisions. "Yeah. Appa's all rested up so we're going to fly through the night."
"Thank you. All of you," Meili spoke.
"Master Jeong Jeong, make sure to thank Chey for us — for leading us here!" Katara smiled. "If it wasn't for his disobedience, we wouldn't have had a safe place to stay while Meili healed."
"I know firsthand how felicitous it can be to ignore orders; that is the whole basis of our resistance. I know that when the time is right, I will meet you all again. Continue to learn and grow, Avatar. We're counting on you. But for now, you must go before the skies grow too dark. It isn't safe for you to stay in one place for too long"
The group of kids bowed before the elder, rising a moment later as they turned toward Appa grazing in the distance.
They climbed up the bison's large tail, Katara holding Meili steady as she hobbled on Appa's fur.
Settling into his saddle, the group held on as Appa rose into the air with a powerful flick of his tail, soaring into the skies above. The cottages, Jeong Jeong, and the river disappeared as they flew away.
Aang and Katara were sitting on the bison's head together, talking softly underneath of the setting sun. Meili was tucked into the corner of the saddle, holding the medicine pouch in her hands. The brown sack was sitting in her palms, and by its weight, she guessed that the medicine was in a vial.
She put it in her bag, deciding to take it in the morning after she had rested just a little bit longer. Meili was just finishing when she heard footsteps approaching from beside her. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Sokka set down the provisions and then slump next to her.
"You're kind of a pain," Sokka yawned into the crook of his arm, lounging out beside the girl.
The girl coughed lightly, her brows pulling downward in confusion. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Just chillaxing," the boy replied lazily, using the nail on his pointer finger to scratch at the pad of his thumb. "Don't know if you forgot, but we were all worried sick about you for the past few days."
The girl deadpanned. "And how does that make me a pain?"
"Eh," Sokka shrugged, rubbing the pads of his fingers together. "Girls just don't know when to admit their weaknesses. You know — because of pride and stuff like that."
"Well, no one told you to sit by me."
Sokka yawned, moving in his spot. "Yeah, but does it look like I want to sit by those two love birds canoodling over there? No."
Meili glanced back over to Katara and Aang, who had seemed to have gotten closer to one another. Meili's gaze was brought back to the boy beside her, however, as she saw his fingers moving against one another out of the corner of her eye.
"Can you stop fidgeting?" the girl questioned, seeing Sokka pick at his thumb.
"I'm not," he grumbled, sitting up in his spot. He was sticking his tongue out in order to concentrate. "I have splinters in my fingers from making that stupid crutch. Argh! — Katara said the wood has to be out before she can heal it."
Meili side-glanced at the boy's fingers. They looked worn and calloused, most likely due to his erratic carving of wood done while she was unconscious. She could see cuts and scratches as well littering his palm.
She felt her face grow warm as she thought about the selfless act he had committed: a simple carving of wood, but an overwhelmingly complex feeling of ... embarrassment? Is that what she felt?
She shook her head, biting down on her lower lip. The pink flesh was chapped and cracked, feeling drier than the air of the Great Divide. She tore a piece of the skin off with a weird ache in her chest.
"Um, when Jai and I used to play outside of the orphanage, we often got splinters. The Earth Kingdom has a lot of trees, you know. I bet the Water Tribes have to get most wood imported."
Sokka picked his gaze up, settling his eyes on the hooded girl's cowl. "Yeah, we trade penguin seal blubber for lumber. Fishing hooks ... I'm used to having stuck in my fingers. Tiny fragments of wood? Not so much."
"If I wasn't so prideful, I could get the splinters out for you," Meili replied pointedly, sarcasm dripping off of her tongue. "Only because you made the crutch for me. Not because I want to be nice or anything like that."
Sokka squinted his eyes. "Are you sure that you don't still have a fever?"
Meili crossed her arms. "On second thought, you're right! My girly weaknesses just make it too hard for me to help you. Have fun digging at your fingers all night, Ponytail."
"Wait! I was just joking," Sokka choked out vehemently.
"I wasn't."
And even though Sokka couldn't see her face, the conviction in her voice made him certain that she was telling the truth.
She didn't know why she was offering to help the boy out. He was always either sexist, sarcastic, or annoying. But he had done her a favor, even though she hadn't asked him to do it. She figured getting the splinters out would make them even; she hated feeling like she owed people.
The Water Tribe boy watched as the girl huffed indignantly, clearing her throat before moving to her hands and knees to shuffle over to Katara's bag. He saw her fumble around for a moment, pulling out a small case moments later.
"Katara's sewing stuff? Why would you need that?"
Meili shuffled back over to the back corner of the saddle, moving so that her figure was placed in front of Sokka's sprawled out legs.
"Do you want my help or not, Ponytail?"
The boy rolled his eyes at his nickname before sitting up and crossing his legs. "Fine, fine. I'll be quiet."
"Good."
She wiggled in her spot to inch forward, setting the sewing box in her lap. She slowly undid the clasp on the front, opening the box to reveal the sewing items. Meili sifted through the items until she found a small ball of wool, and stuck inside were a bunch of needles.
She carefully pulled out the small, metal tool from the tuff of wool, pinching it in-between her fingers before holding out her left hand. Meili gestured her head downward.
"Well?"
Sokka scoffed, sticking out his right hand first. She carefully took the back of his hand into her palm, examining his flesh and the wounds puckering his skin. Meili was surprised at how many splinters he had; some were small little pricks of wood lightly lodged into the surface, others were, well... not.
She carefully rose her hand to her cowl, tugging on it lightly to pull it down over her thick mass of curly hair.
"What are you doing that for?" Sokka questioned.
Meili shook her head, and as the Water Tribe boy looked at her face, he could tell she looked bemused.
"Well, Ponytail, it is nighttime. And my cloak adds unnecessary shadows. I figured I'd need every ounce of light the moon is giving off to see these splinters. But —"
And that was when he saw it. Meili was fighting back a smile.
Sokka had seen a lot of smiles in his lifetime. His father's was one he immediately remembered: the man's strong jawline, sharp and defined, would soften ever so slightly with a crease of his eyes. Every one of his perfectly aligned teeth would show, giving a look that could only be described as appreciation and respect.
Katara was one of the more expressive people in their tribe, second to Gran Gran. The girl would always burst out into hysterics, laughing bubbly with a wide grin that always made her eyes close tightly. Her face would blush, from the cold or rosacea Sokka didn't know.
The last smile he knew by heart was his mother's. It was always warm, but reserved. Soft, but enthralling. The woman's lips were always cracked and chapped from the cold, her front teeth slightly crooked. But her smiles were still kind and inviting, mostly because they always reached her ocean-blue orbs.
His mother had this ... knowing gleam in her eyes. It was cryptic at times: Sokka would always get angry when she would smile at his warrior training, thinking she was making fun of his abilities. Her eyes would shimmer almost wistfully as her lips turned upward, making it seem as though she knew something he didn't.
At the end of the day, his mother's smile had always made him smile.
Meili's grin was weird to Sokka... because it was a combination of all three smiles he knew.
The angles of her face remained rugged and stiff like his father, most likely stemming from her gruff and stand-offish attitude. But her grin, although small, was cheeky like Katara's, full of emotion and light. The closer Sokka analyzed her smile, he sensed an overwhelming amount of restraint in her actions. Meili's shoulders were stiff, and the high planes of her cheeks didn't rise as much as Sokka thought they could. But he knew she was smiling: he could tell from her eyes.
And like his mother, her blush-toned lips were lightly cracked, no doubt dry from her sickness and the increasing northern cold.
Her slight grin could've looked unimpressive to the average passerby, but it was a sight he never expected to see. And from a girl he had known to be nothing but sarcastic, the slight glimpse he had of her teeth was almost captivating.
"Ponytail, some of these splinters are so big! Just how bad are you at carving wood? I could've made myself a crutch while I was sick and still be finished without a scratch on me."
"H-hey! I'll have you know that the wood was very finicky."
"This is pathetic. Maybe instead of ponytail, I should just start calling you wood fingers."
And then, just as quickly as it had come, her inkling of a smile left her face. The speed in which it did was almost alarming to Sokka, and after fumbling the thought around in his head, he figured it was a defense mechanism.
"Yeah, yeah. Just hurry up and get them out already."
Meili positioned the boy's hand in front of her, careful to keep her gaze on his fingers. She was internally cursing at herself for letting a smile slip out. Sarcastic mirth was one thing, but she had felt actual... amusement by Sokka and his clumsy nature.
The last time she had felt that way was around Jai.
Her brother's antics had always made her grin and chuckle, and the familial bond they created always made her smile fondly. But she had not laughed in a while.
So, why had the Water Tribe boy elicited such a reaction from her? Was her fading sickness returning? Or had Sokka done something to her while she was out?
Because for some reason, every time she looked at him since the abbey … it would make her stomach churn.
Meili was slowly becoming more self-conscious of her actions and the things she said around the boy. And even though she hadn't lied — and had taken off her hood to see his hands more clearly — a part of her wanted to see Sokka's reaction. She wanted to see that look he had given her when he had seen her face for the first time.
It hadn't been his usual glower or skepticism, or even a dorky grin: it had been an intense look that unknowingly made her cheeks burn.
But she would never show him those silly reactions anyways, especially since she had no idea why they had been occurring. Meili was going to, instead, push them to the side, and ignore them. After all, she was still trying to keep herself distant from her three companions.
She worked hastily to remove the splinters, puncturing the skin with the needle over the part of the splinter closest to the surface of his palm. She would then carefully scrape the wood out of the cavity and wipe the extracted pieces onto her pants.
They were quiet for a long time, and Sokka kept his gaze focused on the dark, nighttime sky. Every now and then, he would wince from the needle piercing his skin, but Meili would always quietly apologize a moment later. At some point, his sister and Aang had moved to their cots, and they had fallen fast asleep without wishing the two goodnight.
"Aang and Katara were really worried about you, you know," Sokka spoke quietly, drawing Meili from her concentration. The black-haired girl turned in her spot to look at the two kids in the cots.
"I know."
"You know?" Sokka questioned.
Meili sighed, putting the needle down inside of the woolen puff. "They're good kids, Ponytail. They're overwhelmingly caring sometimes. I'm sure they were freaking out."
"We all were. We thought Chey had drugged you or something! But as soon as we go to the cottages, Jeong Jeong said he knew exactly what was wrong. His intuition was kind of scary."
Meili looked downward. "I didn't mean to scare you guys. I just — I don't know what I was thinking."
"I know," Sokka spoke, smirking at the fact that he had repeated her own words.
Meili furrowed her brows. "You don't know."
"Yes, I do."
Meili crossed her arms, clearly annoyed at the boy. "Oh yeah? Then why did I do it Mr. Know-It-All?"
Sokka cleared his throat, zoning his gaze in on her seafoam-green eyes. "There's two reasons why actually. The first is that you were telling the truth and really didn't want to slow us down on our journey to the Northern Water Tribe. The second one is something I know you won't admit, but again, you don't admit a lot of things."
"That's not true. I tell you guys a lot of things —only when you need to know though."
"You didn't want us to help you," Sokka said pointedly, his voice no longer playful. "Something definitely happened in your past that you keep secret; it's why you try so hard to hide your scar and your emotions. But a cloak can only hide so much."
Meili's chest felt tight. "It's not that I don't want your help, I don't need it."
Sokka let out a huff. "It's the same reason why you always place your cot further from the campfire than ours. It's why you always walk behind us when we're traveling. It's also why you're so sarcastic. And you stopping yourself from smiling earlier proved it to me: It's all a defense mechanism."
"What do you know?" Meili said sharply. "I've already said, you don't know anything."
"Then tell me I'm wrong," Sokka spoke softly.
Meili bit her lip, turning her head with annoyance. She knew he had backed her in a corner; everything from his gaze, to his body position, to his smug grin told her that she had nowhere to run. She could deny what he was saying, but he knew it would be a lie.
"I don't want you guys to be my friends. But it's more than that. There's so much underlying responsibility with friendships. It will only bring you down in the end. Everyone always turns on you."
"That's not true," Sokka objected. "Friendships can make you stronger. I mean, this trip has made my relationship with Katara so much better. We were always arguing back home about everything. It was mostly about our dad and the warriors of our tribe, but this journey has shown us what's really important."
"That's your sister though, Ponytail. I have no family. I don't have any biological siblings. I don't have a mom or a dad. I'm alone."
"So is Aang."
Meili opened her mouth to say something but couldn't bring herself to speak. Sokka was right: Meili always knew that her and Aang shared many similarities. And instead of embracing the group with distance, he was open and accepting.
"He's also the Avatar. He has far more wisdom and experience than any of us."
Sokka deadpanned. "Yes. The kid who made us watch him ride on top of a giant sea monster is definitely filled with so much wisdom."
"You know what I mean," Meili huffed. "Besides, I've always seen friendships like this. I wasn't friends with anyone in the Freedom Fighters either. It's always been easier this way."
Sokka leaned forward, placing his elbows onto his knees with his hands clasped in his lap. "It's not working anymore though, is it?"
"What do you mean?" Meili questioned.
"This front you put up," Sokka clarified, gesturing with his hands. "I know you secretly really like Katara's company and view her as a friend, that's why you wanted to keep the scroll a secret. You didn't want her to leave."
Meili grew quiet, thinking back to the abbey and the beach.
"You're wrong," Meili muttered, grabbing a piece of her black hair to twirl in her finger.
"No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are. I knew Katara had declined the offer to leave."
Sokka's brain stuttered for a moment. He thought he had hit it right on the nail on why Meili acted the way she did. But as he stared at her, watching her gaze fidget between her lap and their surroundings, he found that he was wrong. Sokka had misinterpreted her actions, and now he had no clue as to why she had acted so weird at the abbey.
Sokka swallowed roughly. "Then, why did you hide the map from us?"
Meili kept her gaze in her lap, afraid that if she looked up, she would feel that weird feeling in her chest again — the weird one that felt like a weight and static at the same time. That weird weird feeling Sokka had been educing from her recently. Especially now, in the moonlight, when his eyes sparkled with a silvery glow.
"Because, I…" she trailed off, her gaze falling down to his hands clasped together in his lap.
His brown skin was so tempting to touch again, and not so she could get out his splinters. Meili felt her gaze travel up his lean arms, seeing the veins and muscles that rested underneath. She reminded herself that he wasn't attractive. That his softly-defined face and playful smile weren't attractive. That his bright blue eyes weren't captivating.
She shook her head and comically slapped her cheeks, trying to smack herself out of the trance she had fallen into.
"Because I just did! Okay? I just wanted to."
"That seems like a pretty weird reason to hide a map," Sokka said, and Meili swore she could see mirth in his eyes.
"Can you stop that?" Meili blustered, her face growing warm.
Sokka, still amused, leaned forward slightly more. "Stop what?"
"You know what you've been doing, Ponytail! You've been doing something to make me act different; I know you have."
Sokka rose up an eyebrow, densely confused. "I haven't done anything, Meili. What are you talking about?"
"It started a little bit before we got to the abbey, but you should know that, because it's your fault."
"What started?"
"You, making me feel weird. Weirder than Aang and Katara make me feel. So stop it."
She immediately grabbed her hood and tugged it up over her head, drowning her face out in shadows so the boy could no longer see her face. Then, she threw her face into her hands.
He was making her so mad, acting like he was innocent. He was pretending like it wasn't his fault that her heart was beating so fast, and that it wasn't his fault that her face was hot. But it was.
It was quiet for a few moments, neither one of them moving. Meili assumed that the boy was figuring out how to apologize to her. He was going to flash his sarcastic, dorky grin and smile and say, "I'm sorry, Meili. I slipped a tonic into your food one night that makes you slowly go crazy. It worked, and it's so funny! I won't do it again."
But instead, the boy gently grabbed the top of the cowl, slowly removing it from her head. The black curls fell around her shoulders once again, creating a canopy over her hand-covered face. Sokka dropped the hood slowly onto her back, moving his hand to Meili's chin, lifting her head up from her palms.
"What do you mean you feel weird around me?"
He had an inkling as to why she felt weird, but he wasn't going to make any assumptions until she told him. His father always told him that when hunting, it was always important to wait and listen before making a move. He wasn't exactly hunting, but he figured the same rules applied.
Her saw her turn her head in a gentle manner, probably to hide her expression — but he could see the tips of her ears, partially hidden from the messy, black curls of her hair, and they were bright red.
Sokka had never seen much of Meili's face, but the day he spent by her side, carving the crutch, he had taken the time to look at her. From what he remembered in the Kǎoshēng campsite, Meili had very delicate features. She had a small nose, rosy lips, and bright eyes. Classically, she was beautiful. And the more he looked at her when carving the crutch, the more her scar began to fade away in his mind.
Sokka had seen her unconscious, unmoving, quiet and serene. He had also seen her panicked — angry. But the emotion he always attributed with her was aloofness. Of course he had already deduced the sarcasm as a front, but all he knew of Meili was distance. With all of that, Sokka had never seen Meili blush; it was such a contrasting image to see on her normally stoic face.
That was why it was weird to see her so expressive, hinting that she felt way more emotion than she wanted them all to believe. Although, her cloak only helped to hide that.
It made his heart flutter ever so slightly.
"I mean, look at what's happening right now," she spoke lowly, keeping her gaze as far away from the boy as possible. "And, Ponytail, I swear if you snuck some kind of tonic into my food to make me feel like this — I will kick your ass into tomorrow."
"You're unbelievably clueless," Sokka muttered. He waited for her to compose herself, seeing the color in her face and ears fade slightly as her breathing slowed down before speaking again. "How long did you say you were in the Freedom Fighters for?"
"Three years," Meili said quietly, her face passive and expressionless once again as she stared back at Sokka.
"Did you ever … uh … like anyone while you were there?"
Meili nodded her head. "I mean, obviously, or else Jai and I wouldn't have stayed. Longshot and Geun were alright, and Smellerbee was always sweet to me—"
"Not like that," Sokka said, smacking himself in the head. "I mean have you ever had a crush on one of them? Or well, anybody for that matter?"
"Of course not," Meili said with distaste. "I don't have time for any of that stuff. Besides, I already told you that relationships make people weak. I don't need anyone else, especially like that."
"Clueless," Sokka muttered once again.
"How am I clueless?" Meili snapped, her face growing angry. "If anything, you're the one acting clueless. You know what you're doing, whether you want to admit it or not. So you need to stop; it's messing with my head."
"I'm not doing anything," Sokka grinned. "This is all you. And seeing you crash and burn is actually very satisfying."
Meili abruptly sat up in her spot, not bothering to hide her anger.
"If you hadn't been making me feel so weird lately, I wouldn't have hidden the map to your father in the first place. You and your stupid grin and your stupid ponytail … the thought of you leaving made my chest hurt. And that's an actual result from a tonic; I've seen it happen before! And it's not funny."
Sokka laughed, holding his stomach comically and falling backwards onto the rim of the saddle. "This is hilarious! I can't believe you can't see it. Forget the nickname white-cloaked monster: your new name is clueless."
Meili shook furiously as she soaked in the laughter, feeling embarrassed and ashamed. Why was he laughing?
"Stop laughing, Ponytail. This is a serious issue."
He wiped his eye as he sat back up, still holding his stomach. "Yeah, it's seriously an issue that you're so clueless. Even I'm smart enough to see why you feel like this, and Katara regularly calls me an idiot."
"Of course you can see why, because you're the one doing it," Meili grumbled, standing up in her spot and throwing her hood back on. "You can get the rest of the splinters out yourself. I'm going to bed."
"You're really mad over this?" Sokka questioned.
Meili reached into one of the packed bags and threw out her cot, forgoing a blanket altogether. "I said I'm going to bed; now leave me alone."
And thankfully, the boy did. She heard him stir around and get out his own sleeping items, putting the cot down right next to her, which she knew was on purpose. Aggravated, she tried to focus on the cool, winter air filling the saddle. She counted Aang's light puffs of air as he breathed. And she ignored her heart beating rampantly in her chest as she attempted to sleep.
Sokka found himself laying on his back, facing the stars and the moon shining down from above. Even though she didn't say it, Sokka knew that Meili was starting to have a crush on him. He didn't know how to feel about it, since he though he shared a special bond with Suki. They were only with each other for a few days, but the Kiyoshi Warrior was captivating in every way. She was witty, and brave, and challenging, and unbelievably beautiful.
But then again, so was Meili.
He pulled out his hair tie, raking his fingers into his hair to take out his frustrations. Why did Meili have to like him? He was content with viewing her as a white-cloaked monster with buck teeth and big ears. He was fine with their playful banter and arguments. But this made things so complicated.
Sokka stared at the moon, yearning for a moment of clarity — thinking that his solace underneath the light would give him the answer he needed. He closed his eyes and prayed to the spirits, hoping that they would tell him what he wanted to hear.
A/N: Thank you all again for reading! I hope everyone is staying safe during this pandemic, and I'll see you all again very soon. Don't forget to check out my Instagram Ochavenn to see what Meili looks like! I appreciate all of the love and support :)