This is the edited version. A "lemon" version is posted on my website, though you have to ask me for the special link. Nothing is cut out of the edited version that would take away from the story. I promise.
Temper the Soul
Chapter 30
By Zapenstap
The murmur of voices was deafening. Bodies flooded the street outside of the church where a limo pulled up to the curb. It was all Heero and Relena could do to get to the church without being trampled, even with the hands that were proffered to assist them by palace servants in black tuxedos. Certain entrances were roped off for special invited guests. They had to have a card stamped with Damion's personal seal to get through that way, reserved for family and special friends. Relena held theirs, administered to them by someone in the palace right before they left. The guard at the gate took it absently, recognizing their faces, and directed them indoors with a gloved hand.
Everyone working or in special attendance was dressed to attend a ball and the churchmen were garbed head to toe in all their clerical trimmings. The inside of the church was just starting to fill up. Relena felt like she was at a party or a convention or a concert, but if anything this felt even more formal and even more excessive.
The church was aglow in candlelight. There must have been four thousand candles in the sanctuary, set along every shelf and empty floor space. The ones along the floor were incased in blown glass tubes to keep people from kicking them over or lighting their clothes on fire, but most of the candles were on the altar and round the pulpit, glittering in rows that ascended higher and higher like a cresting wave of flickering flame. She could see the space where Damion and Audrey would stand. The area behind looked like a bonfire, there were so many candles. It looked like a night sky at sunset, with every candle's flame a star burning especially bright. The lighting in the room was darkened, but because of the red carpeting and the curtains it really did look like a sunset, a sunset with stars. Electrical lights from high above also shown down on that space, a circular beam of light to sheath the Prince of Taravren and his bride Audrey Veron so that the whole world could see them exchange rings.
"I miss Terese," Relena told Heero quietly. "She would have wanted to see this."
Standing behind her, Heero put a hand around her waist. She smiled and covered his hand with hers. His hand was larger and rougher and stronger than her hand, but she liked to touch it, to thread her pale, slim fingers between his darker, stronger ones. She also liked his hand pressed against her middle, to feel safe in his grasp, to be aware of his presence behind her, his eyes looking just over her head.
"We should sit down," Heero said in those dark, practical tones. Nodding, she took his hand and led him to where she thought they were supposed to sit. The laughter and chatting of the hundreds of people already in the room drowned out the music being played by a group of classical musicians in the corner.
They still hadn't seen or heard a word from Damion. Heero was confident he would show up with plenty of time to spare, but Relena was starting to feel a bit nervous and she couldn't really tell how much of Heero's confidence was put there just to make her feel better. Unconsciously, she kept turning to scan the faces coming in, looking for Damion's among them. The groom should be greeting the guests at this point. Where was he?
As soon as all the personally invited guests were seated, there would be room in the back for other people to stand, people who had just wanted to come. The outside of the church was lined with bodies too, with televisions so that those not admitted could still watch the ceremony and catch the couple in person when they came out. Relena was sure every other person would have carried a camera if photography wasn't forbidden for anyone except certain members of the press.
Heero was looking around the room with his dark eyes alert. Relena watched him, sitting in her seat with her head turned up to the left to look up at his face. His eyes always captivated her, intent and intelligent. He was always thinking about something, always planning his next step, adjusting himself constantly to the situation. She loved him so much.
"What are you thinking?" she asked him. Sometimes she could tell and sometimes his thoughts startled her. She loved that too.
"That if we had gotten married like this I might very well have run like Duo said," he replied.
For an instant, an icicle pierced her heart, but then she realized he was speaking of something that wouldn't happen, was merely considering a hypothetical in the past. He had married her, as strange as it had been, and there was nothing like regret in his voice. He just sounded surprised. "There would be a lot of people at my wedding," she agreed slowly. "You would have left me, Heero?"
"No. I didn't say that. I just meant I would have run from the ceremony." He looked at her, dark and mysterious. She could see her own reflection in the pupils of his eyes. "But I would never leave you."
She just shook her head at him. Of course. But then, she wasn't sure she would have asked Heero to marry her with all that much fanfare. She wasn't really fond of frills herself, but it would have been nice to wear the dress and see all their friends and family in attendance. "What about a repeat ceremony?" she asked, testing the waters. "Since the pressure is off. I mean…"
"Yeah," he said, looking straight ahead. "If you want to keep on with the plans you've already made and invite the press and all that, I wouldn't mind. Not now. It's already done."
"Hey, Heero!"
They both turned to see Duo and Hilde coming in with Quatre, Trowa and Wufei. Miliardo and Noin came in behind them, separate and together. Milliardo seemed to have made a full recovery from his injuries. Smiling in welcome, Relena beckoned to them to join her and Heero. They did, Duo and Hilde settling on Relena's right, Wufei and Trowa on Heero's left and Zechs, Noin and Quatre in the pew behind. Quatre leaned over by Duo with his elbows on the pew in front of him, his head resting on his wrists.
"Did I just hear what I think I heard?" Duo said with a grin. "Because man, Heero. I think most of us feel pretty gypped. I mean, if you have friends," he ignored Heero's glare, "I suppose we're it, and we didn't get to see your wedding. Aw, come on. Don't look at me like that. If I wasn't your friend, as hard as you are to be friends with, I wouldn't care so much."
"We'll have a second ceremony," Heero told them all blandly. "Later."
"Speaking of which," Quatre murmured. "Where is Damion?"
Relena bit her bottom lip, peering again out over the crowd. People were settling. The sitting section of the room was almost filled. The balconies were filling. The guards were beginning to let in the people from outside to stand or take what seats were left. Audrey, of course, wasn't in the room. She was in back somewhere, likely surrounded by attendants, applying last minute things and trying to quiet her nerves. Relena remembered how scared she was when Heero told her he was marrying her that night. How much worse was it with all these people watching? And if Audrey feared Damion wasn't here…
"Isn't that him?" Trowa said quietly, pointing.
Relena looked. Someone had appeared amidst the candles, emerging out of the backroom and conversing with the clergyman. A moment later, he turned and walked down to the main floor, greeting people. Relena caught a flash of gray eyes, but it was his clothes that gave him away. Damion was wearing his formal attire, the white and gold robes reserved for important ceremonies and foreign affairs. No doubt he would remove them for the reception, but for the wedding ceremony, this was what he would get married in. There was also a circlet about his head, a thin band of gold that Relena knew would be replaced with a crown in a matter of minutes.
"He looks better," Quatre said. "He's not smiling, but he looks easier than when I saw him last. Maybe a little scared about the eyes, but it is his wedding."
Beside Relena, Heero nodded, crossing his arms. "Yeah, he does look better. Not the same, though."
"Did you ever resolve that fight?" Duo asked, turning to blink large blue eyes at Heero. Hilde leaned in over Duo's shoulder, her short hair styled with gel and decorated with tiny beaded clips. She was wearing a dress too, a slender, purple gown that reached to the floor with double straps for sleeves.
"Yeah," Heero said. "We're friends again."
Heero didn't elaborate and it didn't look like anyone expected him too. Hearing him admit that Damion was a friend was enough for Relena. She had heard the story already and it had made her feel decidedly sad and happy at the same time, but she was glad Damion was feeling better anyway. It was like he had become a different person, someone she no longer liked, and she knew a lot of it had to do with his grief. It might take him awhile to deal with that, but she hoped he was recovering.
Abruptly, Damion raised his head and turned his eyes on them. He murmured something to the people he was greeting and came toward them in a steady stride. Heero put his feet flat on the floor and uncrossed his arms. Quatre sat back and Hilde shifted away from Duo, straightening her dress and patting her hair. Up close, Damion was more intimidating than he had been farther away. It was partly his clothes and partly the circlet on his head, but more than that it was just the way he had changed. Looking at him now, it was like Quatre had said. He wasn't smiling the way he used to. He looked more peaceful and controlled then when she had last seen him, but he was still different. The sweet carelessness that used to be so obvious had vanished entirely. In it's place was a commanding presence, and a look of regret.
Relena turned her head to look back at her brother. Milliardo was a prince too, a forgotten fact in most people's minds. The difference was he had never been raised in a court, but there were things about him that never entirely vanished, a presence and a state of mind that had a touch of regality about it. And Milliardo had lost so much in life, enough to make a mask out of his face without the use of the steel covering he used to wear. Milliardo's ice blue eyes met Damion's and though neither blinked or spoke, it seemed to Relena that they understood one another. Relena had seen Milliardo look the same way at Heero, a soldier recognizing another soldier, two men who cared deeply about the same girl and whose lives always seemed to be caught up by events. There was acceptance, and bestowed honor, in both tacit exchanges.
Damion's attention was on Heero now and they were speaking to one another in a very casual, but guarded way. It seemed that their fight and the talking they had done afterward had broken the ice and removed the barriers, but both of them were still behaved a little coldly. After a moment's observation, Relena didn't think much of it. There was a friendliness between the two men; it was just reserved. Heero was Heero and Damion had changed. They knew they were friends without having to be obvious about it. It was what they both preferred.
"Where have you been?" Heero asked in a muted tone.
"I went to see Pastor Howel," Damion replied. "Or that's where I ended up anyway."
"About Audrey?" Relena asked.
"No. Manny," Damion said.
No one said anything more about that. Manny was a touchy subject and they all knew it. Duo even looked a little pale when the name was mentioned, like it was a gong struck in a silent room. However, Damion seemed more relaxed. He didn't look like he wanted to talk about it, but the rage and the despair she had seen in his eyes before were gone, or at least faded. It was like he had made a kind of peace with Manny being dead, and accepted it, but now just had to deal with it, which he wasn't going to do right now. Of course, it wasn't something anyone could do and be done with. Damion just had to get used to life without his constant companion, and that would take time.
After a minute of awkward silence, Damion turned his head to look around the room. "I should go back," he said. "We'll be starting any minute and I need to be up front."
"Are you excited?" Duo asked. "About getting married?"
"Terrified is more like it," Damion said. "But yeah. I am."
"She'll be beautiful, Damion," Relena said. "In that dress with her hair done and everything. You won't have time to think about anything else."
He smiled at her, a soft, gentle curving of the lips. "Thank you," he said. "I have to go. It's good to see you all here."
As Damion left, Duo snickered. "I'll bet he wishes he could have had your wedding, Heero! Not that that's going to get you off the hook or anything. Remember, you promised. I get to be the best man!" Duo looked decidedly pleased with himself until Hilde punched him in the shoulder.
The flurry in the crowd was settling. Relena noticed abruptly that everybody was seated and the loud talk throughout the room had dropped to a conversational murmur of people waiting in their seats. A few people were still moving around, but they were mostly security and the people who were making sure everything was in place for the ceremony. She could tell who was doing the most directing by the headsets they wore and the way they stayed in the shadows of the room. Up front, Damion waited with someone who looked like a member of his advisory staff. Relena supposed he was the minister of ceremony or something like that. Surrounded by the glow of the candles, Prince Damion drew all eyes. There were other people up there as well, including Damion's mother (no longer dressed in black, but a beautiful indigo blue), two sharply dressed servants carrying small, gilded cases that they held with both hands, the clergyman who would perform the wedding ceremony, and Leif. Relena looked again at Leif. It really was him, dressed head to toe in an expensive black suit with a dagger of all things belted at his waist and looking both very regal and very proud.
"Personal bodyguard," Heero explained when she asked. "Damion hired a lot of the men who came for him to be on his new guard. It's a high honor."
"Hey," Duo exclaimed. "Isn't that the same dagger that…"
"Yeah," Heero said in such a way that Duo snapped his mouth shut.
"Oh," Relena murmured. "The music is starting."
Except for the music, the whole room became dead silent, which was quite a wonder considering how many people were packed into the space. All heads turned. There was no procession of flower girls, bridesmaids or a maid of honor, but Audrey did not walk in alone. The bride entered on her father's arm and when she came into view everyone stood. Audrey's father was dressed in his military uniform, the uniform of a respected and retired admiral, but he was drowned out by his daughter. The guards saluted and murmurs rippled down the hall.
Audrey glowed like an angel from heaven. Her dress seemed to shimmer, a flash of white light in a room glowing with yellow candle flame. She was like the white foam of the crest of a wave or the wing of a dove, a star in the heavens, a pearl in the sand. The sleeves lifted up at the shoulders and the skirt spilled all over the floor in layers of white silk and pearl-studded satin. The train rippled along the floor behind her feet. It looked like a twenty thousand dollar dress. Her skin was pale and creamy, but the dark contrast of her eyes and hair was what made the room murmur in wonder. Her hair was pulled up somehow without hairspray, and looked as soft as it did shiny. It was pulled up, but it poured over her shoulders in perfect soft, perfect curls. It would fall at any moment and instead of sticking out strangely because of hairspray, would bounce back over her shoulders and glisten like black silk cloth or liquid pitch. Only it didn't fall. Threaded with strands of pearls and (were they sapphires?) it stayed perfectly in place. The way Audrey carried herself made it seem as if she willed it that way. Her carriage was erect, her chin lifted, and her dark eyes glittered with wisdom and humility. The only way Relena could tell she was nervous was that she didn't smile, though there was a glow in her eyes and in her expression. For whatever reason, she did not wear a veil.
Quickly, Relena stole a look at Damion. For a moment he actually looked a little frightened, as if he really did think this woman was an angel from heaven and he had made some sort of mistake, but when she came near, he straightened and they exchanged a glance that seemed to settle them both. Both their faces smoothed out before the pictures came. They almost looked like they were conducting business, except for the subtle shimmer in their eyes. Audrey's father surrendered Audrey's arm to Damion with a nod at the prince and then took a seat in the first row. Slowly, Damion took Audrey's hand, staring into her face, and then they both turned to the pastor.
The ceremony was different, but most of the key points were still there. Relena would always remember how solemn the occasion was. Perhaps it was Damion's sadness, or Audrey's, but the joy such a joining normally would have inspired seemed suffocated by the nervousness of the two participants, especially following Damion's tragedy. It was difficult to hear the words the clergyman was speaking from this far away, but Relena remembered the ceremony well enough. She was a little surprised when Heero grasped her hand and stroked her fingers, but she was pleased. Damion was speaking, though no one could hear him, and then Audrey spoke too. They looked at each other's eyes as they spoke, and whatever they said, they seemed to mean every syllable. And then they were exchanging rings.
There was a breathless silence in the hall. The beauty of the room and the solemnity of a royal wedding held attention spans fast. Damion took Audrey's hand and slipped a golden band on her finger. It met with the engagement ring she already wore, the fractured faces of diamond flashing and glittering in the light, and joined with it. Audrey slid a ring on Damion's hand too, a small band of metal that encircled his finger.
That was when the difference in the ceremony became obvious. More words were spoken that Relena couldn't hear, though she imagined they came across loud and clear on television. At any rate, the cases that the servants had been carrying were opened and the entire audiences drew breath as too crowns were removed by white-gloved hands of servants from the red velvet interior of the cases. The crowns were fairly small, gold, ceremonial, beautiful, and looked to be worth a fortune.
Both Audrey and Damion knelt, Damion's right hand clasping Audrey's left, and bowed their heads. Damion's mother spoke, loud enough for everyone to hear as she relinquished all ruling authority to her son, the new king of Taravren. Relena's throat felt tight as the crown was placed upon Damion's head. It seemed to have been tempered just to fit him, and she knew that both crowns were not newly made; they were very old heirlooms, possibly redesigned every so often. Even so, they looked heavy, and drew every eye. With just as much ceremony, Damion's mother placed a crown on Audrey's head, and then knelt to kiss the girl on the cheek before she rose and stepped back with folded hands. After that the pastor spoke again, representing the church's recognition of the King and Queen of Taravren. With his blessing, Damion and Audrey rose, still hand in hand. Damion's expression was flat and grave. His eyes stayed on Audrey, who looked pale and equally serious as she stared at him, until with the pastor's permission, Damion lean in to kiss her.
Cheers resounded around the room and Relena relaxed the stiffening in her knees, overwhelmed by the flood of emotion from the audience. She was glad a lot of this was ceremonial and traditional (those crowns were likely never to be worn past the hour), but she couldn't dismiss the feeling in her breast. The shouting was intense. Everyone clapped, younger people hollered and some even stamped their feet aggressively. When Damion raised his head from Audrey's face, staring into her eyes for a moment, and then looked out over the audience, his eyes flashing. Audrey kept her eyes closed a moment longer, but when she opened them, she smiled at Damion so slightly and so sweetly it was almost hard to notice.
And then they were leaving. They strode down the aisle in a long stride, matching each other's pace, seemingly deaf to the noise that reverberated around them. Their expressions were perfectly controlled. Audrey stood as tall and proud as ever, her train sweeping out behind her, her hand around Damion's arm. When she looked at him a look almost like shyness swept over her face, but when she looked away she radiated beauty and power. Damion was more imposing altogether, but his expression when he glanced at her was tender, almost warm. Relena smiled as they passed, but neither caught her eye.
Once they had gone through the doors with guards following, everyone began to get up and talk. Some people followed the couple out to watch them make their way through the crowd and drive back to the palace, and others began getting ready to either go to the reception or go home. Relena surprised herself when she blinked tears from her eyes, overwhelmed by the emotional shift of seriousness to gaiety in the room. For the crowning, it would likely be several days of partying in Taravren, and the excitement of that plus a marriage bubbling out of people in the room was enough to knock her off her feet.
"Let's go," Heero said in her ear.
She nodded, taking his arm, Duo and Hilde climbing out of their seats behind them, laughing like children.
*****
Audrey's heart pounded in her breast as Damion grabbed her about the waist to help her out of the car. His hands felt strong, strong enough to practically lift her out onto the pavement, which was something considering how much her dress weighed. She couldn't describe how she had felt walking down that aisle with him and half the world staring at her. She felt exalted and humbled at the same time, proud and terrified. She didn't calm down until she felt the wedding band wrap around her finger, and then the crown on her head had just made things worse. It felt more like a weight in her stomach, but it kept her grounded and reminded her who she was now. Even so, she had removed it once they got in the car. Damion did too, and both heirlooms were entrusted to the chauffeur to be locked up in the vault.
Once inside the palace, heads turned to welcome them, along with cheering and clapping. Audrey smiled, but hardly slowed their race upstairs to the royal chamber. No one minded. They had to change and be back downstairs in minutes, before the guests arrived. Everybody was busy. Audrey held as much of her train as she could in her arm, but the thing really was quite ridiculous, much too large and expensive to wear at the party.
Damion opened the door for her and shut it just as quickly and led from the antechamber to the bedroom. For a moment, Audrey panicked, recognizing where she was, her eyes drawn almost automatically to the large fore-post bed. This was their quarters, hers and Damion's, and that was the room where later they would sleep together very soon.
"What dress are you wearing?" Damion asked her, throwing open the closet doors. Many of her things had already been moved.
She scrunched her eyes closed and trying to rein in her racing, whirling thoughts. "The blue one." She lifted a hand and tried to move toward the closet, but she almost tripped over her train.
Damion pulled the dress out for her and tossed it on the bed. "Let me help you out of that," he muttered, his gray eyes catching hers and then darting away.
She froze as he put a hand on her shoulder and turned her gently. His hand began undoing the buttons, slipping the pearls out from the slots. Her breaths came more heavily as the material loosened around her torso. Damion would be able to see her sheer silk slip and a lot of her bare back besides, and it was an effort not to shiver. Her stomach trembled, but he didn't say anything. Her heart beat in her chest a mile a minute. This was incredibly, terrifyingly awkward. It took all her strength to keep from laughing hysterically.
"I can get it now," she said with a voice that at first almost squeaked and then just sounded distant even to her own ears.
Damion's hands stopped moving. "All right," he said. "Hurry. They're waiting."
He turned away from her and she heard muffled sounds as he discarded his own robes hurriedly and replaced them with a black tuxedo coat from the closet. She knew that he was mostly dressed under his robes. She wasn't, but to her surprise, he kept his back turned as she hurriedly removed her dress (getting out of it was rather complicated). Clothed in nothing but a thin, sheer silk slip that ended just below her knees, she moved to the foot of the bed and lifted the blue dress off the bed. She panicked when she realized she would have to unbutton it just to get it on. Damion still wasn't looking at her as she sat carefully on the edge of the bed in nothing by a slip and began undoing the buttons at lightning speed. If he turned around… Was it so strange that part of her wanted him to? As soon as she was able, she pulled the dress on over her head and smoothed it around her hips.
She couldn't get all of the buttons in the back.
"Damion?" she said, closing her eyes and biting her lip, steeling herself. This shouldn't feel so entirely weird, but it did.
He turned and came without any more explanation and again she felt him standing behind her. He didn't touch her anywhere, only the buttons, doing them up with a single-mindedness that had to be forced. Once she was dressed, her hair still done up as elaborately as it had been for the wedding, she felt his knuckle touch her chin, turning her head around. Softly, he kissed her lips and looked into her eyes. Her stomach fluttered and when he released her she could do nothing but stare into his eyes without blinking.
"You look beautiful," he told her, his hand softly curved around her shoulder. "Did you get the roses?"
"Yes," she said, and smile. "Thank you." The note alone had been enough to settle her. He told her not to worry, that he was coming, that he loved her, and that he was ready to marry her. She remembered the way the petals felt in her hands, soft and white and pale, a beautiful contrast to the dark green stems and little thorns that would pierce if you were not careful holding the flower. The note said the roses reminded Damion of her. She had almost cried. Seeing Damion at the altar, surrounded by more white roses, had quelled the rest of her fears. This would last forever. This would last, if they could get through tonight. She licked her lips, taking deep breaths, and looked into his eyes. She couldn't describe what she found there.
"Ready?" he said softly, taking her by the hand again. She nodded and let herself be pulled along as he opened the door.
Once they were descending the stairs into the quickly growing crowd, she pushed her anxiety away as far as it would go. There was enough to occupy her otherwise. She had thought the church was elaborately decorated with the lights and the candles and the flowers covering everything, but the palace would take anyone's breath away. The chandeliers glistened. Buckets of ice chilled bottles of wine and champagne on tables covered with white tablecloth and there were no less than three stacks of champagne glasses arranged like pyramids. Servants dressed in tuxedos and white gloves with manners statelier than many of the guests, drifted through the room with trays of food and drinks or moistened towels. The guests were a rainbow of clothes and laughter. The men wore tuxedoes or fine suits with expensive cufflinks, the women wore gowns as beautiful as the sapphire blue one Audrey wore now, and every one of them was an important person or a member of a respected family. The entire Council body was present as well, though not working, most of them with family in toe. A royal wedding was a time of celebration and would be for several days. There would be feasting in another room, followed by dancing and socializing in yet another room.
At the bottom of the stairs, Damion smiled at her and leaned over to whisper into her ear. His breath made her shiver, but she concentrated on his words. "I'm going to introduce you to everyone," he said. When she didn't respond, he turned her so that she faced him, and wrapped both hands around his waist. "It's okay," he said. His smile lightened her heart. "You are the Queen of Taravren, my wife."
"I know," she said, and felt relaxed all through her body. She met his eyes and returned his smile with her smallest, most knowing expression. He nodded.
Smiling to show her teeth, she took his arm as he led her into the crowd, greeting everyone who walked past her with a gracious smile and a few words. Damion greeted everyone too, and the flood of people coming toward them seemed to have no end. Audrey's hand was kissed so many times she thought it might leave a bruise. But all of that was drowned out beside Damion. As more people surrounded them, she became increasingly aware of how well she could feel him, how much she understood of what he was thinking merely by listening to his body. The was a subtle tenseness about him, but he seemed like he was trying to relax and be merry, and pulling it off well enough. Though she knew it was ridiculous, she found herself wanting to hug him, to keep other girls away and also to feel his arms around her. She wanted him to kiss her too. She loved that, but thinking of enjoying such simple things did nothing to assuage her other fears. It was one thing to kiss a man she loved and hold him, but quite another to strip off all their clothes and have sex. There was a sweet feel to the idea of such intimacy, but she kept thinking what it would really be like, and she knew she was afraid to let anyone that close. With an effort, she pushed the idea firmly from her mind, burying it deep, and concentrated on the party.
Everyone wanted to meet her. Damion introduced her to everyone he had ever known it seemed, and each time, she couldn't help but smile genuinely as he addressed her as his wife. It occurred to her that when meeting people and introducing her, Damion seemed happy, smiling, and she wondered at the sudden change. She glanced at him every now and then, watching the way his eyes didn't seem to blink, the way he stood straight up and down with perfect posture. Was having her for a wife so wonderful that he had completely forgotten the death of his best friend, or was he putting on a show for their audience? She couldn't tell. He was hard to read when he really did not want anyone to be able to sort out his thoughts.
Eventually, the endless stream cleared out and they stood alone in a room full of people talking and drinking. As soon as everyone was gone, Damion's smile relaxed into something sad and distant. Audrey touched his arm near the shoulder with concern, love for him filling her up in every cranny. "Are you all right?" she asked him.
He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts, blinking. "I'm fine," he said. "I was just thinking that it is a shame Terese isn't here to see this and it doesn't feel right without her. She worked so hard…" Of course that would remind him why she had gone, but he smiled at her when she expressed concern. "I'm okay," he said reassuringly. "Do you want something to drink?"
Before she could answer, Audrey and Damion were accosted by Heero, Relena, Duo and Hilde. For a brief moment, Damion looked embarrassed seeing them. Audrey remember his last encounter with them, the look on his face, the way he had shouted and raged… but he welcomed them both formally and friendly.
"I'm sorry about what happened before," Damion said apologetically, shaking hands with Duo.
"Don't worry about it," Duo said, waving a hand. "It's your day today and it was understandable. Forget about it."
Damion smiled.
Dinner was served in a blur of talking and joking and trying to feel like royalty while eating. Damion was strangely very easy and relaxed about his role, or seemed to be, but then, he knew almost everyone in the room and it was his birthright. She didn't know what half the things they were eating were called, but it all tasted marvelous and seemed to melt on the tongue. Duo and Hilde seemed to be making a game out of picking apart their food trying to discover what is was. Heero looked like he either would rather not know or didn't care and Relena ate with a grace and casualty that had Audrey thinking she would make a better Queen. All through dinner Audrey and Damion were visited by guests and members of the Council, receiving an endless stream of congratulations and compliments. There was no best man's toast because there was no best man and no one else seemed up for making a toast on the behalf of the king and queen of Taravren. When he wasn't entertaining guests, Damion didn't look like he wanted to be toasted anyway. Audrey knew it had nothing to do with her.
As they were served dessert, music drifted through the hall from the ballroom. As tables finished eating, people folded their cloth napkins and removed to the ballroom to listen to the live music and talk. When Audrey set down her silverware, Damion looked in her direction and raised his eyebrows. She looked back at him wryly, knowing that no one was going to dance until they did. Seeing the acceptance in her eyes, Damion glanced at the others for their approval. Relena and Duo waved for them to go, as they, Heero and Hilde were all in deep, but casual conversation about what would be appropriate if Relena had a reception like this. Damion smiled at Audrey again, his gray eyes shining under his dark hair.
"Do you want to dance?" he asked, standing and pushing his chair in.
She nodded and set her hand in his, amazed by how gently yet firmly his fingers curled around hers. She walked with him out to the dance floor, feeling flushed as all eyes followed them. Under the lights, she and Damion turned so that they were facing each other and his grip on her hand shifted so that he was clasping the whole of it. His other hand went around her waist, again both firmly and gently. Her hand rose to his shoulder, but she stroked the lapels of his jacket smooth on her way up, smiling at him. He smiled back just slightly and they began dancing.
"Are you happy?" he asked her quietly when the music covered their conversation. They had the floor to themselves.
"Yes," she said, and smiled. She meant it. When she looked into his face she felt her stomach flutter, the way it did when she looked out over the ocean and felt that sense of wonder and completeness she could never quite describe. Only now she wasn't alone. "I'm a little overwhelmed," she admitted, "but… When I saw you this morning I just knew…"
His eyes captivated her. "I like seeing you smile," he said warmly. The warmth was real, but there were still shadows in his eyes from all he had been through, though not when he looked at her. Even so, she could see them, and wept internally for the part of him that could not seem to recover. "You worked things out with your father?"
"As well as they could be in a few hours. He never really meant to hurt either my mother or me. He knows he did, but it took him awhile to find the courage to come home. It's going to take a lot of time."
"Yeah," Damion said, looking distracted. Audrey smiled, aware suddenly of how she had always been amused whenever the Prince of Taravren lapsed into casual speech. He did it frequently, she realized, uttering monosyllabic yeahs and sures in answer to questions that sometimes required a more formal answer. It was one of the things she first noticed and liked about him, something that set him apart. Her heart fluttered with love for this young Prince who was so sweet and recently so unfortunate. When she smiled, he smiled back. "You look beautiful tonight."
Warmth suffused her cheeks. "You said that already."
He lowered his head and smiled another little smile. Again, she wanted to kiss him, and more, but that sliver of fear that was always present.
The song ended, but when the second began they kept dancing. Audrey wanted to put her head on Damion's shoulder and be held tight, but she refrained, knowing how many people were watching and judging. She didn't want to look like a little girl in love under the eyes of the Council and local nobility, nor as woman too besotted to appear to have any wits left. Damion kept his hands still too, probably for the same reasons. She knew he was still occupied by a great many things, but he seemed content to hold her and forget his troubles. She wondered what he was thinking about. With great courage, she returned his question. "Did you work things out?" she asked him quietly. She wondered if he was still bruised and bleeding on the inside. But he looked easier. She hoped…
He took a deep breath. "I'm willing to let Gardiner go if that's what you mean," he told her. "And Manny too." He sounded so sad when he said it, like it hurt. "If you're asking if I'm still deeply affected, I think so, but with time and with you…" he paused, looking thoughtful. "I don't think I'll ever really be the same."
She gripped his hand tighter. "I know," she said. He would never be quite the same, just as she would never be able to completely forget the hostility she had grown up with under her mother's jaded care. There was still a coldness about him, a chill aura of grief and sorrow that lingered even when he smiled. She hoped it would go away. Something like that used to hover around her. It still did when she wanted to protect herself, but Damion had warmed it somewhat. She hoped she could do the same for him. Between the ceremony and the greeting and dinner and now the dancing, she wondered abstractedly what time it was.
"Past eleven," Damion said, and she realized she had spoken out loud. His hand tightened around her waist and he pulled her a little closer. They were more lost among the other couples now and there was nothing unusual about dancing this close. Audrey's breath felt constricted. She could feel Damion's presence all through her body this close. She could hear him breathing. She knew then what he was thinking about. Only eleven.
They danced four dances and then took a break. More people chatted with them individually, and servants offered them wine, which Audrey refused simply because she was full from dinner. Scanning the crowd, she searched for Heero and Relena, but she could not find them.
She was startled when Damion touched her hand. "We need to go," he said.
She stared at him for a minute without comprehension.
"Others will see the guests out," he told her. His tone was so normal, she knew he had to be trying to make it that way. "We're supposed to retire before everyone is gone and a lot of people are leaving."
Retire.
"Where are Heero and Relena?" she asked.
"I think they left," he said. "They wanted time to themselves." Even as he answered her question, his eyes were riveted to her face. Something unspoken lurked in his eyes. He wasn't thinking about Heero and Relena.
Her breath caught in her throat, recognizing that look. It was time. She had thought, almost hoped, it would never come, and a part of her had been waiting. Her head felt light, like it was stuffed with cotton and she swallowed nervously.
Nodding with more confidence then she felt, she headed for the stairs with him. On the first step, Damion stopped and she stopped with him. He turned to his guests, many of them still celebrating and a few getting their coats. One of the servants clinked on a glass and the chatting ceased. All eyes turned on them. Audrey stood as proud as she ever had, but inside she was shaking. "Thank you all for coming," Damion said loudly, smiling. A thousand sets of eyes stared back. "I thank you, my wife thanks you and Taravren thanks you. I am afraid my wife and I must retire, but I hope to enjoy a long reign with all of you. Enjoy yourselves. My hospitality is yours."
Cheering answered this departing announcement along with some scattered clapping. A moment later everyone had gone back to their conversations, their drinks and their laughter. Those who had been on their way home shrugged on their coats and walked out the door. Audrey knew that everyone knew why they were retiring early, though nobody so much as glanced at them. She caught sight of Duo and Hilde before she turned. Hilde was sitting on a table in her dress, laughing. Duo stood just in front of her, gesturing with his hands as if telling a joke. Then he abruptly leaned in and kissed Hilde on the mouth where she sat. Averting her eyes, Audrey followed Damion upstairs, feeling like there were frogs in her stomach. Her eyes traced the lines of his body and she shivered from head to toe.
*****
Back in their hotel room, Heero was aware only of Relena's hands and body, her fingers buried in his hair, digging into his scalp above his ears and behind his head. She was drawn into his lap, her body flush up against his. He held her more gently than she did him, kissing her neck and chin and swell of her breasts.
Her dress lay on the floor in a heap with his clothes and there were pearls from her hair in their bed, lost in the sheets he had kicked back to make room for them. His hands wandered into her hair, tugging at the silky strands and rubbing them into her back as he leaned into her. His weight threatened to push her backward off of him and onto her back on the bed. Of course, he would follow. That wouldn't have been so bad, but she chuckled into his kiss as he shifted with the idea in mind.
"What?" he asked laconically.
She caressed his skin on his back and he caught her smile in her eyes. "Heero," she whispered. "Do you want to have a baby?"
He blinked in complete incomprehension. "What?"
"Not now," she said, and her eyes drifted half shut as she stroked his face with her hand. "But do you want to have children?"
He swallowed. Her hand on his cheek was the only thing cooling him. He imagined a little girl with Relena's blonde hair and his eyes that he could hold when she was tired, imagining the feel of a little girl's arms wrapped around his neck. He saw a little boy with his dark hair and her blue eyes holding a basketball and asking his father to teach him how to play. The girl would smile like her mother's kindness and the boy would glare like him. He would probably have to tell his son to be nice to his sister. They would both be spirited like their mother, determined and stubborn and…. They would be a handful. His children and her children…
"Heero?" she said, sounding more anxious.
"Yeah," he said, kissing her.
"Do you mean it?" she whispered, her wet lips touching his as he laid her the rest of the way down.
He grazed her lips with his tongue. "Yeah. Someday. When we go home and after we fix the house…" His body reacted to the feel of hers spread out beneath him, the silky softness of her skin. "We'll talk about it later."
*****
The party vanished from Audrey's mind the second the door shut. She felt like she had been standing still here for an eternity.
Damion didn't speak until they entered their rooms. Servants had come through to remove Damion's formal robes and Audrey's wedding dress. They had also set out wine in an iced bucked and turned down the bed. Audrey stood still beside one of the bedposts, trying not to look at it, as Damion kept walking. She watched him remove his cufflinks and head toward the bathroom. Halfway there, he removed his coat and flung it over a chair. Then he removed his shoes and set them beside the wall.
"Long day," he said conversationally. The door to the bathroom was open and she could see him undoing the black bow tie of his tuxedo in front of the mirror. Then he turned on the water over the sink. Just watching him, she could feel the tension. Neither of them were thinking about anything accept the other, and not sure how to communicate it.
Audrey looked away, unsure what it was she was supposed to do. This was it. It was time. She could not escape and she had no where to go. But then, she didn't want to go anywhere. Watching Damion all day she had been aware of this moment, of this night, trying to prepare for it. Her body yearned for him in ways that frightened her. She tried to sort out her thoughts. Fear made her tremble, but she loved him.
Stepping out of Damion's eyesight, she moved over to the closet to calm herself. She needed to do something practical. Determination guided trembling fingers as she loosened the buttons of her dress. It was easier to get them undone than to do them up and she managed without help. Heart fluttering like the wings of a hummingbird, she carefully pulled the dress over her head and hung it up on a hangar. Putting it in the closet, she shivered in a silk slip. There was a mirror to her left, set up over an ornate dresser.
All the lines of her body were clearly visible under that slip, as well as the lacy lingerie beneath. The slinky material went just past her knees, but it was thin and sheer and clung to the contours of her body. The skin from the tops of her breasts and all the way down her arms was completely bare. She had never been this uncovered in anyone's presence before, not since her body matured anyway. Gingerly, she began taking her hair down. As she removed the pins, the curls fell loosely one by one over her shoulders, framing a face even paler than usual. Even so, she thought she looked pretty. Strange, that she should want to. She shook her head when all the jewels were out and then counted them to make sure she had not lost any. Taking a deep breath, she walked back toward the bed, wondering what to do next when Damion came out of the bathroom.
She could feel his eyes on her before she turned around, a prickling between her shoulder blades, made all the worse because her back was bare. Heat pumped through her, but her limps and fingers felt stiff, paralyzed. Slowly, she turned, taking a deep breath. The first few buttons to Damion's dress-shirt had been undone and the cuffs of his sleeves had been rolled up, but otherwise he was still fully clothed.
"I thought…" He swallowed. "I thought we might talk a little," he said slowly, staring at her like she was an apparition, hardly able to form words. His eyes were on her body, skimming the lines and curves that he had never clearly seen. His eyes told her that he found her beautiful, even if he didn't say it.
Her own voice seemed lodged in her throat. She thought of things she could tell him, should tell him, about how much she loved him, about how much she had been waiting for this moment, and also how terrified she was. But she couldn't think of any words that were adequate, and no words at all took form in her head. He looked good to her, so good, but she couldn't move.
Taking her silence in stride, Damion stepped close and put a hand around her waist. Her eyes widened a little even when he smiled at her reassuringly. There was practically nothing between his hand and her bare skin and she could feel the warmth of the contact very clearly. His hand moved against the silk, as if seeking more to feel, lightly kneading the skin around her midriff. She took deep breaths to bring cold air into her body. She felt heady, slightly drunk, and her blood seemed to pulse with sudden, sexual tension. His other hand jumped to her neck, the fingers curving around the back behind her hair, partially holding her face with his thumb on her jaw. His gray eyes seemed to glow as he looked at her and she relaxed a little, recognizing this touch, though she shivered. His mouth sought hers and she accepted his kiss gratefully, almost greedily, tasting his lips and drawing warmth from them. Her stomach quivered, but she suppressed her nervousness, trying to trap her thoughts in the moment.
"I love you," he whispered into her ear. He drew a hand from her face to her neck and over the swell of her breast. When she reacted, he gripped her about the waist and pulled her flush to him, his mouth meeting hers again. She could feel his whole body. Hers seemed to buzz with electricity.
She could feel his love for her as he continued to kiss her, but her head began to swim. His kisses made her want to… She shook in his embrace, trembling. The lights swirled, the ground seemed to leap up at her and she stiffened her knees to keep from wilting. Automatically, her old, defensive walls formed around her, supporting her, guarding her from the intimacy that threatened to overwhelm and consume her. Damion was still kissing her, but her reactions were more guarded. She was afraid to let herself give in. Calmly, she reached for the buttons on his shirt and mindlessly began to undo them one by one. His chin lowered, his eyes following her movements as he breathed, but he didn't say anything. The last and only time she had seen his chest it had been covered with bruises. Shirt flaps hanging open, his chest and stomach were smooth and normal now. When the last button came apart, her fingers hovered in space, frozen. Part of her wanted to touch him, to slide her hand around his back and pull him close, to sink into his skin, but she was afraid of that part.
He seemed to tense up, the muscles in his arms flexing. "What are you thinking about?" he said. She knew that he had felt a change in her. There was a strain in his voice, like he was trying to regain control. His tone was almost an accusation that begged her to shout Gardiner's name.
"Nothing," she said. "I'm fine."
He kissed her lips again, holding her head in his hands, but more aggressively this time, as if trying to capture and possess her. She would have been scared if she was not so numb. And still there was that part of her that was reacting, that was begging her to let go of her fears and give into the desires she had dammed up. Afraid, she refused to give in or give back. Still kissing her, Damion lowered his hands to her body, wrapping them around her ribs. She lifted her elbows to give him space and he ran both hands up over her breasts. She swallowed, but her breath was lodged in her throat. Then he began to undress her, carefully peeling her slip from her shoulder, the straps falling loosely over her arms. A moment later and the whole thing slinked off her body and fell in a pool at her feet. Naked, she just concentrated on keeping her desires under control, because they were threatening to flood her. Damion clasped her whole body to him, feeling every curve, kissing her neck and face and wherever was within easy reach. She trembled with every touch, her fear growing in proportion to her lust.
Audrey had stopped moving. She remembered vaguely the foreplay of that night with Abel, and all the revulsion and fear and shame welled up with the memories. She reminded herself that this was Damion, her prince, her husband, and she loved him, but the stiffness in her limbs seemed out of her control. If he just kept going she wouldn't stop him. The desire in her burned like an ember, but she had locked it in a box, refusing to fan the flame. If he would just keep going…
Damion's head hit her shoulder and he stopped, breathing hard. She heard him choke, a sound that made tears spring into her eyes suddenly in shame. His hands released her and he stepped back, staring at her in her with his eyebrows creased in a pained expression. "I can't," he said, sounding desperate and hurt. "Audrey, don't make me do this. I can't. I love you, but you have to let me. I need you…" His breathing became more audible. She could visibly see the lust in his eyes, natural sexual drive, warring for his love that kept him from wanting to hurt her. His hands reached for her and grasped at air.
Tears sprang into her eyes and she kicked at her own walls, trying to break them down.
"Audrey," he begged, and took her hand in his. He pulled her close to him again, caressing her back, kissing her hair. "I love you. You mean everything to me. If this is not what you want…"
It felt so wonderful. She didn't really want him to stop. With that simple admittance, the dam broke. Heat washed over her, a frightening, yet exciting wave of sensuality. Tilting her head, she kissed him to stifle his words, pulling his head down to hers. When she broke the kiss, his head buried itself in her neck. "I love you," she said into his ear, running her fingers through his hair. It felt nice under her touch. Tenderly, she caressed his neck and kissed his cheek. "And I want you," she added, "I'm scared, but I want you to make love to me. Damion, please. I do." As she spoke the words became more true. Suddenly she needed him, wanted him. She stroked his neck and put a hand on his bare chest. His heart beat under her hand, surprising her.
He lifted his head. The light in his eyes seemed softer now, like the Damion she remembered, and his lips curved in a sweet, small smile. He had his arm wrapped around her waist with the cuffs of his sleeve dangling over his fingers now and pulled her into an embrace right up against his chest. His hands grasped her hips, fingers reaching down toward her thighs, and he began kissing her skin again, his hands running along her body, caressing her curves.
She trembled, gasping at his sudden aggressiveness, but she could feel his heart beating, his blood pumping, more quickly the more he touched her, and his skin was surprisingly smooth, yet hard from the muscles beneath. She whimpered and he groaned in response, muttering her name in her ear like a fervent chant. He was pulling the walls down with every kiss and caress and she closed her eyes, brows knitting as she made little sounds half in encouragement and half in protest. As she became more worked up, she suddenly didn't care anymore. She just didn't want it to stop. With that thought, he broke through her like a tidal wave and she allowed herself to be possessed. Hands wrapping around his chest under his shirt, sliding along his back, she craned her neck to kiss him.
He made a sound in the back of his throat and to her surprise, lifted her off the ground and laid her on the bed in what seemed like one motion. She quelled a surge of fright, feeling him hover over her, but it was the kind of fright that came when boarding a roller coaster. Something in her wanted to hit those peaks and make those dives. The pillows came up behind her head and he was leaning over her with his elbows to either side of her body, his shirt hanging open. "I love you," he said, and his eyes reminded her of rain or clouds or liquid silver. Shrugging out of his shirt, he leaned forward on his elbows to kiss her again, hands pushing her hair away from her face. They opened their mouths at the same time, and she was so absorbed by the feeling of his tongue in his kiss, the feel of his upper body over hers just felt right.
She opened her eyes, not realizing she had closed them. "Oh," she said. "Damion, I'm ready now." She wasn't sure how she knew, but she could believe she had been afraid of this. The revelation was followed by a little laugh that escaped her as anxious tension was released. When she laughed, Damion smiled genuinely, and then kissed her again before he got to work.
What she remembered best about it was the way his presence filled her, his scent and his body and his arms, everything about him flooding her senses. At worst it was a little awkward…at best…. She smiled deliciously. When it was over he breathed heavily, kissing her neck and shoulders softly and rubbing his face in her skin. Audrey opened her eyes and smiled at her lover, drowning in the emotion of his gray eyes. She wanted to tell him she loved him. She wanted him to hold her forever. Caught up by a swell of emotion, she kissed him, feeling something like tears in her eyes, and stroked the back of his neck with her hand. It came to her suddenly that this was the first night of many that were to come and that she would be his wife for the rest of her life.
"What?" he said, kissing back. "Are you sad? I…"
"I love you," she whispered. "And I'm so happy. Will you hold me?"
He looked amazed, but he rolled them both over until she was lying flush up against his body. For a few minutes she just kissed him, but he looked so tired that she eventually stopped. She couldn't tell if she felt older or younger, more of a woman or more of a child. Perhaps there was no change at all. What she was sure of was that she wasn't going anywhere and didn't want to. He blinked his eyes sleepily and caressed her shoulders and arms with his hands, turning her body so that she was tucked against him and he could stroke her everywhere. Lying there, she wondered if she had lost her head or just her mind. Every nerve in her body was tingling, but her consciousness was sinking fast.
"I love you," she heard him murmur. He fell asleep almost before she closed her eyes, and the quiet sound of his breathing lulled her to rest too.
AH! I forgot to tell you!! It's NOT over. There's ONE more chapter. *chagrin* Sorry!