Temper the Soul
Chapter 31
By zapenstap
There were some sights and scents that were more lovely in dreams than in reality, or so Damion thought until a light and a warmth flooded through his body and he awoke into his own dream by a kiss.
Long, dark silky hair brushed through his vision like a curtain, trailing along the side of his face, and he closed his eyes as he became more aware of soft lips pressed up against his mouth and the soft, sweet smell of a woman in his nose. Recognizing the woman, he kissed her reflexively and smiled. When she pulled away, he woke fully, opening his eyes to look into Audrey's face. Automatically he started touching her, sitting up and gently trailing his hands over her bare shoulders and back as she fell willingly into his embrace.
Her skin was even softer and silkier than he had imagined before yesterday, and there was more of her to touch than he had thought. She murmured quietly under his stroking. He lay back down with her body in his arms, feeling helpless and satisfied and…happy.
"You slept through the night," Audrey told him as he brushed back her hair. "You hardly stirred. Did you dream?"
"Nice dreams," he said, studying her face, "nicer than I've had since he died, nicer than even before then." He stopped to look at her again. "How are you? Are you feeling okay?" He touched her face, remembering the night, the sensations, the sounds, the pleasures he had felt. "Can I get you anything?"
She smiled at him and shook her head. "No. No, I am fine. I don't think I've ever felt this good."
On a whim he kissed her, hard and forceful until she relaxed and accepted it, giving way. Damion couldn't believe how subtle she was, how she responded to his every touch and how quickly. He kissed her until he felt he must do more or burst. There was no reason they couldn't do more, any time and any place they liked, but at the moment he knew there wasn't time, at least, not time for the way he wanted it. It was still too new, too fresh, to be carefree, and he owed her something that would take more patience.
Audrey laughed lightly like a bird when he broke the kiss, smiling so genuinely his heart thudded even harder than it did from the feel of her skin against his. Laughter from her was the finest music he had ever heard and her body naked and tangled in the sheets the most beautiful sight. "If I had known it would be like this I would never have been scared," she said, calming down and holding his arms. There was a rosy hue in her cheeks, a modest blush that was contrasted by a knowing look in her eye. He wanted to be the only man who would ever see that look. He would be. He was.
Was she making light of it or merely saying she enjoyed it? He blinked at her for a moment. "Ah, you say that now," he said seductively, raising his eyebrows, "but I'm not done with you yet."
Her eyes widened a fraction, but immediately she settled back against the pillows with an almost rapt look on her face, staring at him with expectation…and desire. His hand touched her stomach and he stared at her body, at her breasts and her legs and the bare skin between. His head felt inflated and he stirred inwardly, but with an effort he only smiled at her and shook his head.
"What?" she said, sitting up again.
"Later," he said. "I will make love to you all night if you want, but right now we have to pack."
"Pack?" she said, and then with equal surprise and a bit of whisper added, "All night?"
His breathing deepened as he lifted a hand to her face and kissed her softly. "Yeah. Where do you want to go? I want beaches and waves and tropical drinks, but it's up to you if you want to go to Hawaii or Jamaica or the Caribbean or Mexico or the Bahamas…"
She stared at him in some lack of comprehension. "The Bahamas," she said, and he couldn't tell if she was asking a question, restating an option or making a decision, but he grabbed at it.
"The Bahamas," he agreed. "For a honeymoon, and some time for me to get away from my memories and concentrate on you. It was suggested by the Council and now… Now I think it's a good idea. Is it okay with you?"
"I've never heard anything more appealing," she said, still sounding dazed. "When do we leave?"
He closed his eyes and kissed her forehead. "Right now," he whispered quietly. "Get packed."
She climbed out of bed and he couldn't help staring at her body, wondering if he could make it to the Bahamas before he had to touch her again. In a tropical setting with no work to do and nothing to remind him of Manny or Gardiner or his own responsibilities, he would not feel guilty about obsessing about his new wife, or making love to her whenever they wanted. He could take some time away from the grief that being in Taravren only multiplied and work out the troubled knots in his head. He was pretty sure Audrey could smooth out any knots with her hands, or maybe her lips, if she would. They could teach each other what they wanted. He would do anything for her.
She was still dressing when he came up behind her and put his hands on her hips, his fingers wrapping around her stomach. Instead of flinching, she leaned back against him and held onto his wrists, seeming to want to keep him there instead of pushing him away. It was going to be hard getting to the Bahamas.
"When I next make love to you," he told her, and turned her head to kiss her jaw. She closed her eyes and smiled. "I promise you will see stars. I want you to feel everything possible."
"Damion…" she began, almost in protest. He was so silent she paused, as if reconsidering what she was about to say. "I would like that," she said finally. "But if you…"
"I'll show you what I want too," he said. "But I promise, even if it takes a million tries…" He grinned behind her ear. "You'll see fireworks. You will." He was determined to make it happen and he could sense that she knew that. He felt her shiver under his fingers, smiling in anticipation with her head thrown back against his shoulder. "The quicker we get there the quicker it can happen," he added.
He set about packing himself, but even doing something so focused he could scarcely keep his eyes and hands off her. The best part was that she didn't seem to be able to leave him alone either and they got ready with a constant exchange of touching and kissing and soft words. He wanted to roll her onto the bed right then, but he could wait now that he knew she was his forever. He was going to find it difficult to think about anything else for awhile. Willingly, he let his other troubles drop away.
*****
Heero placed the grocery bags on the counter, eight in all, and began unloading boxes and cans and bags of fresh fruit and vegetables. He had never stocked a new kitchen before, but there was practically nothing in his new home except his wife. They had a bit of furniture and some of the things they both had in their separate apartments, but there was a lot of empty space that needed filling. Heero had decided that filling the refrigerator and the cupboards took precedence over filling the bookshelves and setting knick-knacks around the living room. He left most of that sort of decorating to Relena, though he told her to keep things simple if she would.
Even with boxes still everywhere and so much empty space, the place felt like something Heero had never really had before…home. There was a quiet and peaceful sense about it that was both comfortable and yet kept him alert and bewildered all the time. The first day they came back, Relena called for carpeting to be put in, a light tan in most of the rooms, and had the wood floor in the kitchen and entry hall polished. They were still debating over wallpaper and Relena was insistent that they must have paintings or some sort of decorations on the walls in most the rooms. Relena had brought a few of her own things, but it was not nearly enough. They could spend several years, maybe their whole lives, saving up for the things to make the house perfect to Relena's satisfaction.
Heero didn't mind. He would put up wallpaper if she wanted wallpaper. He would pick out paintings if she wanted paintings. He wasn't much of a connoisseur for art, but he could recognize the decent from the terrible and he had a general idea of what he would like if it came to it. He didn't think it would be too much of a problem agreeing. They could always split up the rooms.
With comfortable thoughts, he set about putting soup cans in the cupboard and milk and cheese in the refrigerator. When all the groceries were put away he walked around the counter (a new kitchen installed just yesterday) and went to search the house for Relena. He found her almost immediately, leaning against the rail on the wrap around porch, dressed in a blue dress that made her look younger in some ways, but still as deep and beautiful and confounding as ever.
Confounding. That's what is was, the mysterious quality of her that whispered to him like a song just out of hearing. Even in the past, in the midst of everything, it was like that. They could always look at each other and see…something familiar. And it sang. Whatever it was it had always confused him and yet called him deeper was like a tune he couldn't quite grasp, though he felt like he knew every note. It was different now. He had claimed her. It was less like a call now and more like music, a deep, thundering, but gentle song that caught them both up together in a dance that never ceased though the tempo changed. This was love. Whatever it was, he was sure of that, and it always had been.
He didn't say anything as he walked up behind her and touched her shoulder. She turned her head and smiled at him, her hair falling over her face. Sometimes he was struck by her beauty and sometimes she just looked like Relena. Both thoughts amazed him, and he was amazed all the time, though nothing about his expression would have indicated it.
"It's finally real," Relena said, staring out over the countryside toward the city.
He touched her cheek with the back of his index finger and smiled. "I know."
Closing her eyes, she took his hand, turned it over and kissed it, burying her face in his palm. He raised his other hand to stroke her hair, and then lifted her chin to kiss her on the lips.
"Do you think Damion is as happy as I am?" Relena whispered when he pulled away.
"I don't know," Heero said. They had heard Damion went to the tropics with Audrey the day after their wedding. Heero couldn't imagine being depressed in the Bahamas with an inexhaustible bank account and a new wife, but they had all seen Damion spiraling through an array of black emotions in the last week. Heero could still clearly remember the way he had looked when they rescued him from a dungeon, bruised and torn, wild and enraged. Returning to Taravren, he had taking on a ruling authority, fired servants, reordered his staff, delegated responsibility of his duties, offended all his advisors and hardly slept. What with the horror of his experience, losing his best friend, his Staff Manager quitting, and his fiance an uncertain card, it was hard to say that even the Bahamas would make Damion happy again. Heero knew everyone in Taravren feared he would never be the same. "I really don't know," Heero said again. "I hope so."
*****
The waves of the ocean made a sound like a gentle roaring behind his back as Damion trudged up across the white sand to the patio outside the hotel. Tables were set up on the patio, white tables with umbrellas where couples and families sat eating and laughing. Audrey was sitting at one of those tables looking over the menu, a drink half empty by her left hand. Damion had gone to walk along the beach alone, listening to the mournful sound of the seabirds crying in the sky above and drowning his thoughts in the rhythm of the waves crashing on the shore. He looked back over the ocean, appreciating the way the sun gleamed off the water. In a way the beauty of the white sand beaches were only spoiled by the number of people sprawled out along the sand, but being a stranger among so many was comforting in its own way. Looking back toward the tables, he smiled.
Climbing the stairs to the patio, Damion sat down across from his wife. She smiled at him over the menu, her face flushed and her sunburns beginning to turn into a soft tan. Her hair was a wavy mess around her face that seemed particularly sexy because he prided himself on owing to its condition. There wasn't time in the mornings or during the day to keep up a palace appearance, and if there was he found some time to muss her. The sunburns did crazy things to him the first time they made love after a day at the beach. The contrast in color from her bathing suit lines drew him to the relevant areas of her body like targets, and the hissing sounds she made when he touched the skin where she was burned made the sex seem especially sensitive. That was when he had still been counting the number of times they had made love since the first.
Though the pleasures and experimentation of their sex life was the most exciting aspect of their marriage at the time, he felt warmest and happiest just loving her, talking and holding her and taking her out. They held long, deep conversations that lasted until late into the night and sometimes they just talked and laughed and discovered habits and interests that they had not known before. He was finding that there was always something new about her to learn, and that he liked learning it. It was as if he knew her soul and loved her for it already, but some of the pieces and experiences of her life were still new to him. He thought he might always be discovering her.
It worked both ways. She learned about him too, all the details of his life. It was unfortunate that telling her some of those things sunk him into a quiet place of grief and depression. He was hopelessly distracted, but he couldn't forget himself entirely and there were times when he would grow silent and stare out at nothing, wondering where Manny was and what he was doing, wondering what he would do when he got home. Audrey understood. She never said anything or told him how to feel. Sometimes, if he looked like he needed it, she would stroke him and whisper and sometimes leave him alone to think. Once she had led him to bed where he drowned himself in the scent of sweat on her skin, but she never judged him. In a little time, he always managed to dissolve his darker thought and resume his happiness in loving his wife. Audrey said she understood it would take time before Manny death and all that surrounded it were no longer painful and he could talk about them without sadness, but as long as he was being honest about his feelings and trying to work through it, she would be understanding.
He couldn't describe what it was like making love to her, and being able to do it over and over. At first she had been afraid but now she told him she loved it and loved him and to his mind everything was perfect. He still remembered arriving at their hotel and setting down their bags. The first thing she had done was start unbuttoning his shirt with a creased brow and hands that shook. They hadn't even unpacked. She whispered that she was going to get used to him as quickly as possible and he had better start early if he really wanted to love her a million times in order to keep his promise. Besides, she added, they needed to change clothes for the climate and there was no point getting dressed right away. It turned out he didn't need a million tries. For him, the second time was more intoxicating than the first and he made sure she felt it too. Afterwards, after much quiet whispers and gentle touches, they got dressed again, in clothing appropriate for the climate and location, and he took her out to dinner by the ocean. His eyes almost popped out of his head seeing Audrey stroll around in a flimsy, wrap-around skirt that showed her legs up to the tops of her thighs and a top that didn't cover her midriff and completely bared her arms. He glared at other men who looked at her and almost felt he should tell her to put on more clothes, but it was hot and he enjoyed looking. He didn't think she'd listen anyway. They made it through dinner casting each other suggestive looks throughout their conversation and were back in the hotel room earlier than either of them had planned.
No matter how many times he made love to her, something about her kept him wanting more, more of her body and more of her company. Sitting across the table from him, he just looked at her for awhile, appraising the creature who wore his wedding ring and feeling like he was lucky or blessed or something. He kept waiting for the reality to sink in. She was his wife.
After ordering more drinks, Damion smiled and covered her hand with his. "I almost feel like I don't want to go home," he said, looking out over the beach.
Audrey sighed, setting down her menu. "I suppose this can't last forever, though, can it?"
"The important stuff will," he assured her. "I'll miss the beach," he added wryly. "And the freedom."
She smiled at him. "You miss your work," she said knowingly, taking a sip of her drink.
"No I don't," he said stubbornly.
She grinned and leaned forward, her dark eyes shining. "Don't even think about lying to me, Damion, or I'll kick you. I know you needed a break, but admit it, you love your home and you miss everyone."
He opened his mouth to protest, but felt her toes slam against his leg. She raised her eyebrows, giving him another swift (though completely painless) kick in the shin. He grinned at her and gave in. He did miss home. He loved it here, but it was clearly a vacation spot, a fantasy, a paradise, not home. Besides, he wanted to mend all the mistakes he had made. He missed Manny and he missed Terese, but there were other people he had offended, people he had frightened, people he had ignored. There were things to do. Life could not stop here forever.
She made fun of him subtly throughout their meal and he let her, but not without getting in a few stabs of his own. By the time he had paid, he felt it might be necessary to pick her up and throw her in the ocean. Sensing he was about to move, she got up hurriedly from the table and was off the patio and on the beach before he could finish signing a payment slip. Then he was after her.
She dodged past the people sunbathing and led him to an area of the beach that was less perfect and more deserted. There were large, dark rocks protruding into the ocean and he suddenly wondered what was on the other side. Eventually, he caught up with Audrey. He was careful tripping her in the sand, but he did manage to topple her over, driving her into the beach with his weight. She screamed playfully as he wrapped his arms around her waist and picked her up, sand getting between their clothes and showering to the ground.
"We're going in the water," he said as she yelped and kicked.
Fully clothed, he plunged them both into the waves, eating salty spray. She wore her bathing suit underneath her wrap- around skirt, and he dislodged the skirt without a thought, throwing it wet and sopping onto the sand. He didn't want her drowning because there was so much material around her legs. Leaning back in the water, he grabbed her about the waist and kicked, swimming with her body on top of him. In only her bathing suit, her body was not only bare, but wet and slick under his arms and against his chest. She was familiar now.
"Behind the rocks," she said, and he released her so that they could swim together. What he found was something like a shallow lagoon with no shore, like a horseshoe of rock protruding out of the sea. The water was fairly shallow and in a minute he was standing, but the water crashed against the rocks all around except the way they came in. Looking up, all he could see was sky.
"Did you know this was here?" he said, and his voice echoed a little strangely.
In a moment he felt her wet arms slip around his neck and her body press up against him. He grasped her uncertainly, aroused. "I found it yesterday," she whispered. "It's secluded."
"We're in broad daylight," he said quietly back, "there are people all around on the other side of these rocks..."
"They can't see us," she said, and planted wet kisses along his neck and shoulders. "I want to make it memorable, so stop complaining."
He gave in. He wasn't really resisting anyway.
*****
"Heero."
Heero blinked his eyes, sitting up in the sunlight, disorientated. Had he fallen asleep?
Relena was kneeling beside him, looking up at him as he slept in a chair by the window, whispering. "Heero," she said. "They'll be here any minute."
Heero was amazed how quickly the time flew. Duo, Hilde, Wufei, Quatre, Trowa, Zechs and Noin were all coming over for dinner and he must have dozed off. Blinking sleep out of his eyes, he sat up, wondering if there was anything more to arrange in the house for company.
It took almost a full two weeks to unpack all of their things and decide where exactly they wanted the remaining furniture to go. They laughed trying to move a heavy, iron-wrought table with a glass surface into the den. Relena put on a brave show of pretending she could carry her end as well as Heero, but in the end he dragged most of it himself while she protested that she really was stronger than he thought. That had ended with them making love on the newly carpeted floor, the table not quite in place, Heero proving to Relena just how much stronger than her he could be when he wanted. She didn't do any protesting after that but seemed to make a show of being weaker just so he could have the thrill of taking her in hand.
Once they had the house as orderly as possible without spending several thousand dollars to buy more furniture to fill the rooms, Relena decided they needed to invite people over.
Feeling groggy, Heero stood up and let Relena usher him inside. Grimacing, he tried to straighten his hair and then went into the kitchen to check on dinner. Five minutes later, the doorbell rang. Relena answered it and he could hear her voice mixing in with those of the people he knew, Duo's most prominent among them.
"About time we had a little reunion!" Duo said loudly. "Heero where are you? You live together, don't ya?" he said in a teasing voice.
"Relena, you're house is lovely," Hilde said politely.
"Why don't you come sit down?" he heard Relena's voice saying. "Dinner's almost ready."
Heero walked out to the dining room and tried to look hospitable, though Relena told him later he looked like an angry bull. It seemed to hit everybody that Heero and Relena really were married and not just putting on a show when they saw them living together in a new house with rings on their fingers, making and serving dinner to guests. Well, they tried to make dinner. Neither Relena nor Heero had any experience with cooking. Relena had always had a personal chef and Heero had always made simple food if he made anything. Still, tackling a cookbook, they managed something presentable and were complimented on their effort even if the meal was not perfect. Relena promised to learn how to cook if Heero promised to learn how to fix the house when it fell apart, as it inevitably would. Heero supposed learning the rudimentals of house repair couldn't be more difficult than fixing a broken gundam. Relena had less to go on with cooking, but she managed surprisingly well.
"I can't believe it," Duo kept muttering in disbelief. "Married. Wow. You are having a second reception, right?"
"Yes, Duo," Trowa said. Even he looked irritated with this continuous question.
Though Relena and Heero both felt adequately married already, they assured Duo the ceremony was still on. Hilde then asked Relena how she was doing with the preparations. Relena still seemed to find enormous joy in picking up where she had left off in her planning. The date for the reception would take place in the spring. Heero participated in the planning as much as he was forced, but since he already considered Relena his wife, he was more conscious of keeping the affair small and in a budget they could both afford. Relena had a sizeable amount of money in her savings, but Heero would rather save that for their children. Telling this to Relena at the table when Quatre brought up finances had produced an expression of shock on everyone's face.
"I thought you forgot," Relena whispered. "I wasn't sure you really meant…"
Everyone else just stared.
"That's so wonderful!" Hilde said at last.
"Heero?" Duo exclaimed almost on top of her. "With children? I'm really just… I don't know what to say about that."
Heero glared at all of them. "Not right now," he growled, but turned to Relena with a reassuring look. "Eventually, yes."
He was surrounded by exclamations of approval and glowered in order to avoid flushing.
Duo was scratching his head, apparently still in shock. "I'd like to see the ceremony first," he laughed. "But uh, I think we should toast anyway." Standing, he made a half bow at everyone around the table and lifted his champagne glass. "To Heero and Relena," he said, "whom everyone always knew were meant for each other because they shared a fascination with dying if nothing else."
"You're the one always claiming to be the God of Death," Hilde accused before Duo could drink. "And that's morbid."
Duo nodded thoughtfully. "Very well," he said, lifting his glass again. "To Heero and Relena, whose encouragement of each other somehow brought peace to Earth and Space and who will likely confound everyone who knows them as long as they live. We wish you all the happiness in the world." Duo took a sip of his champagne, but before the others could follow suit, he added, "and don't forget, Heero. I'm the best man."
"All right," Heero agreed officially. "I still might let Damion hold the ring, though," he said after Duo finally stopped grinning. "I'm afraid you might lose it."
Duo looked so crestfallen that Heero laughed out loud, and after a moment of shock from everyone at the table, the others laughed too. Even, after a minute, Duo.
"Congratulations," Zechs said, and titled his glass to his lips. Relena beamed at Heero and for a moment, he never felt like the only man in the world. The voices of his friends receded into the background and the truth of Relena's statement dawned on him. It was finally real. It wasn't over, it was just beginning. Silently, he clinked his glass against his wife's and they both drank.
*****
Three weeks in paradise were enough to spin her head, but when they finally boarded a flight and went back to Taravren, the wonder did not fade. When they drove up to the Palace and stepped into the foyer, Audrey's first reaction was to take a deep breath, close her eyes and smile. Something about vacationing made one appreciate home, and the Palace had never felt more like home than it did now with her husband by her side and her head packed with wonderful memories.
She knew those they had left behind would not have her memories. Everyone here was waiting to see if time away with a new wife had settled their raging Prince down. Even the people who came to get their bags at the airport had cast furtive glances in Damion's direction. Audrey kept up a cool presence, but she smiled in answer to fearful looks cast her way.
No one had anything to worry about any longer. Damion was in a good mood, a humor she was used to seeing him in again. Whatever dark troubles had fogged his mind and caused him to shout and mope and shake had vanished. True, his depression came back sometimes, at odd intervals when he thought about Manny or sometimes seemingly for no reason at all, but for the most part he was living again, smiling and laughing and enjoying himself.
When they came into Palace, the servants noticed. Everyone noticed. Damion came home in something between a run and a stride, with Audrey just beside him and an almost boyish smile on his face. Servants had taken their bags at the airport but the first thing Damion did when he walked into the foyer was summon the people passing by and congratulate them from keeping the palace relatively intact while he was gone. Even Audrey thought it looked particularly well maintained. There was something about it that reminded her of times before the trouble began, back when Terese was in charge of the staff with Manny to help her and everything just flowed beautifully. She hadn't been sure it would ever feel that way again. Perhaps it was just Damion in his normal state again, happy again, that made his home feel like hers as well, or was it the way the servants greeted them immediately, the way the pictures hung on the wall, the way all the furniture had been dusted and polished?
A thought entered Audrey's mind that almost seemed too good to be true.
The servants seemed in shock. Some of them appeared to be most affected by the change in Damion. Some of them just seemed to be hiding smiles. For a moment, Audrey felt nothing less than lovely. Old loyalties crept up on the faces of every man and woman who stood before them. She thought they would have burst into laughter or tears in a moment. Or maybe that was how she felt. The servants looked at Damion with startled faces, but then they beamed at one another, made exaggerated bows as Manny had always done and asked his majesty if he wanted anything, anything at all.
"Damion! Damion, you're back! Thank God."
And Audrey did laugh, laughing as she gasped and moved out of the way as a figure burst through one of the doors by the stairs and a girl in a blue dress with wild black hair and shining eyes ran across the room and flung her arms around Damion's neck with a squeal of delight.
"Terese," Damion said in paralyzed shock, clasping her awkwardly.
The girl bounced back down to the floor, bobbing on her toes and looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Oh, Damion, Damion! Are you okay? I feel just awful."
"Terese," Damion repeated in the same tone. "What are you doing back? I thought you had gone for good."
A look like terror passed through the girl's eyes. "Is it bad? You won't turn me away will you?"
There were tears in Damion's eyes. Audrey wasn't sure what sort they were, but if Terese had not been in the way, she would have touched his arm or his chest to draw away his attention. Seeing her would remind him…but he had spoken of how much he missed Terese being in the Palace, even if Manny was not there. Was he happy to see her, or did her presence sadden him?
"No," Damion said to Terese, and Audrey knew he was happy, even if he was also sad. "But I thought the memories…" He swallowed himself, looking around. "He is still here, Terese. I can feel him everywhere."
"I know!" Terese wailed. "But so are you. I've been foolish. I thought I could escape some of the pain by going away but nothing changed at home. He was still gone. I cried so many times and nothing helped. Only, no one at home knew him and then I realized how much worse you must be feeling. I loved him," she said, tears sparkling in her dark eyes. "He was my lover and my friend and I miss him so much, but you've known him longer than I have, and deeper too, despite that and he and I…well…" she looked around wildly and caught sight of Audrey. "God, Audrey, you look wonderful."
"Thank you," Audrey said automatically, blinking.
Damion cocked his head, staring at Terese with eyes that were scrunched and wet with emotion and amazement. The servants looked nervous, swallowing as they swung guarded looks between Terese and Damion. Manny's name had not been mentioned. It had been stumbled around and inferred, but no one dared to say it.
"I miss him too," Damion said quietly, and then took a deep breath. "But Manny wouldn't want me to be sad forever."
Terese clasped her hand over her mouth and then threw her arms around Damion again, bursting into tears that sounded more hysterical than emotional. "Oh, but I love you too! It was wretched of me to just walk out when we needed each other. Damion… Damion… I want my job back if you'll take me," she exclaimed, blinking big eyes at him. "I love it here. It wasn't the same when I left. I missed him so much more with no one around who even knew him. God I feel weird asking, but can we talk about Manny? I would just feel so much better if I just…"
"Yes," Damion said immediately, and hugged her before he let go. "Yes. I think that would…yes, we can. And you have your position back. It's just not the same without you."
The servants brightened immediately, many of them grinning. Since Terese had returned, she had probably assumed her old duties automatically, and no doubt everyone had been wondering and hoping if she would be allowed to stay.
When Terese finally stepped back, Audrey touched Damion's arm. He looked at her and she smiled into his face, conveying that she understood he would want some time to talk to Terese about Manny for awhile. His return look was grateful and affectionate. It also held a promise for later. Their first night back at the palace had been discussed, and the bed in their room didn't seem scary anymore.
Terese gasped, staring at Audrey with eyes like a startled owl. "Oh! I missed the wedding!" she exclaimed, and sighed. "Well, I knew I had, but seeing you two together now… Ah! How is it? How did the ceremony go? Is everything between you…" She giggled. "I mean, Manny had concerns and I…"
Damion stared at her in something like shock. The servants suddenly disappeared, slinking away and then running to avoid being incriminated. Audrey laughed. "I'll be on the balcony," she said to Damion, not replying to Terese's unfinished question and hardly able to contain her mirth. "Find me later?"
Damion nodded absently and Terese made another exclamation that had them both flushing and avoiding looking at her or each other. Quietly, Audrey stole away, leaving Damion with Terese to discuss (she hoped) something else.
The balcony was Audrey's favorite place to stand and think. Last time she had been here she was anxious, but now her thoughts were pleasant and she closed her eyes, letting the cool breeze wash over her. Damion was going to be okay. She and Damion were going to be okay together too. She had no doubts about their marriage, no alarming thoughts at all. Her fingers curled over the railing. She was Queen of Taravren, but even that monstrous thought was a buzz in the back of her head. The position was different these days anyway. The title was formal. Her real job was more like being a president's wife. She didn't feel any different and she expected little to change really.
Oh, her children would be princes and princesses. That was the main difference. She would have to teach them a lot more responsibility than perhaps other mothers did, but that did not bother her. She wondered when she should think about getting pregnant, how soon was too soon. She felt young and foolish and wanted more time to have Damion to herself, but she also knew it was important to provide an heir for him and the thought of children gave her a warm feeling. Perhaps next spring they would try to have a baby, or maybe the following year? She looked forward to the trying. If what she had seen so far was just the beginning, when they were both experimenting and inexperienced, she could only imagine what it would be like when they knew each other's bodies as well as they knew their own. It had astonished her when he kept his promise. She hadn't been sure it would work, but to her amazement it did and the memory made her shiver with delight. She wasn't sure it would have been the same with anyone else, but with Damion it was something she determined to do on a regular basis the rest of their lives. She didn't see any reason why they couldn't.
And then the children. She closed her eyes and smiled. That might make life more difficult, but the more work the more enjoyment and she could see herself standing by this window, holding a miniature version of herself and Damion wrapped in a blanket… She could see her baby growing older, imitating her and his father (surely it would be a boy) and learning to be a prince. Maybe one of Manny's siblings would have a baby about the same age, someone to carry on the tradition she knew Damion still loved even if it broke his heart.
It was half past seven when she felt Damion's presence behind her. She could always tell when it was him now, a scent and feel she recognized. Turning her head over her shoulder, she smiled at him and held out a hand. He took it and she wrapped his arm around her waist, looking out again as he buried his face in her hair.
"Did you and Terese talk about Manny all this time?" she whispered.
"Some of it," he said. "I'm okay now."
Audrey closed her eyes.
"I also took care of something else," Damion added. "My first order of business was to pardon Julia."
Relief crashed over her body as his arms tightened around her waist. "You told the Council?"
"Yes. It seems that Gardiner has been offered to Taravren. I turned down the right to host the trial. It will be handled internationally. It's not likely he will be killed tried anywhere else, but…" Damion paused. "It doesn't concern me if he's found life in prison or death or begs insanity. I don't care. I just want to love you and get on with me life."
It was hard not to smile. It didn't even matter what Gardiner's sentence was, as long as Damion was okay. She blinked tears from her eyes. One day, Julia would come back to visit them. When she did…
"I was thinking about a baby," Audrey said quietly.
Damion raised his head. "I'll have to have an heir," he said absently.
She smiled, understanding the way his logic worked. A baby might not be real to him until he was holding it, but the idea was a political necessity. She had no doubt that Damion would love his children more than he loved his own life when they were real. She knew it in the depths of her soul. "I was thinking," she said again, and paused. "Will your son have a personal servant?"
She could sense his beautiful gray eyes blinking down at her from beneath his dark hair. "I can't think of a better way of honoring Manny's memory," he said. "I also can't believe how happy I am. Even with everything…" He kissed her cheek. "Come to bed, lady," he said, stepping back and pulling her arm out, his finger barely grasping hers. "And I'll make you a proper wife."
She felt herself glow to hear his call. When they first met she told him she would never make him a proper wife, and now he was going to hold it over her head. "I want you to," she said, smiling, turning to him.
Pulling her in, he pushed back her dark hair and rested his hand on her face. "Thank you," he said, emotion glimmering in his eyes, silver like the stars. "For saving me, and believing in me. I'm not the same person I was, but I love you."
"You are the same person," she said. "You're just stronger, and I love you too. Thank you for bringing me home."
Smiling ever so slightly, he leaned his head in to kiss her.
~The End~
*gasp* Over????? Seriously? *zap stares around in bewilderment* I honestly don't believe it. I've been working on this since September. That's TEN months! An overcooked baby. I really can't comprehend this being done. Not that I'm going to stop writing. The only follow-up yet planned for Temper the Soul is some author's notes, which helps me lay it aside and focus on other things, but I will always keep writing something. I have another 1xR one-shot already completed and will be posted soon.
I NEED TO THANK ALL OF YOU!!!
I have many reviews and there's no way I can remember everybody, so please please PLEASE don't be offended if you are left out, but some personal thank yous need to go out to the people who have made an effort to keep me going by reviewing. You honestly have no idea how much my confidence and my writing has improved merely from the reviews I receive here. They mean the world to me and I can't thank any of you enough, but I will try to let you know that you were noticed. They're not in any particular order, but I hope you can find your name.
Butterflygirl, you've been with me from the VERY beginning. I noticed. It means so much. THANK you. Cutlass317, is there really any need to thank you personally? I talk to you on AIM all the time. ^_^ Sai, you've been around forever and I REALLY appreciate your feedback. You are one of the best! Same to Ley, Ame-san, kmf, Meio-chan, apol (you rock!), Mya (come back! It isn't over and I love seeing comments from you!), Lit Tenshi (you are awesome!), Oyuki (a good author AND reviewer. You've been with me all the way!), Wing (who *I think* loves cliffhangers and whom I adore, but what happened to you? You were so faithful!), and okapi-chan (I love being in anybody's favorites! And I love okapis…^_^) . Also a big thank you to deathangel (you were there for awhile and you've reviewed other fics of mine. Thank you. I love it!), Star Pheonix (you seemed so emotional. I love that!), Zero's Wings (you know you kick butt as a reviewer and a writer), LadySaturn (thank you! You came back even after I thought you had gone), The Infamous Chibicat (who leaves a review for every chapter, not just the current one! ^_^), kansho (who never signs in, but rocks all the same! Is 14 still your favorite chapter? ^_~ Thank you for continuing this story!), Peanutbutter (a fan of the Mandred Chronicles who kept me writing at a critical stage, but where did you go?), Sea Faerie (thank you! but what happened to you?), Demon Faerie Aeryka (whose reviews are long, detailed, and EXCELLENT), Sailor Even Horizon (thank you for your encouragement!), Chris (who ALSO never signs in, but reappears consistently in splendor. I love your website), Ayanamichan (you came in late, but beautifully! Thank you!), Knightwolfe (I think you only appeared once, but did you keep reading?), Jason M Lee (also a Mandred fan and an excellent writer, but evaporated in this fic. I still appreciate you!), sync*n (who gave me critiques I appreciated!), RedMirax (one review in the middle…but then I gotcha again when Manny died! *sniffle* But now where are you?), faust (You leave long, magnificent reviews, but you DISAPPEARED), amber (thanks for the support! You are wonderful. Come back!), Nonsequitur (a favorite aspect of the Question Game. You wrote an essay of a review! Going back to look over that chapter, I actually agree, but it wasn't meant to be read like that!), Footprints (your reviews had me reeling with happiness. Thank you!), WingZeroChick (you had me hanging on in the middle!), relena (I hope I know who you are. Thank you so much!), Jewls (you are fantastic!!!!! Do you really want to hear about a book? Thank you!!), Imc (I think I remember you from Mandred too. You rock! I wish you hadn't disappeared!), Yue Lover (A Scottish terrier? It's entirely possible! Thank you!), Ley (*tears up* You wrote so much for me! I appreciate it so much), Jenn Lynne (you commented on the priest! Wow! That's so incredibly awesome, thank you!), LSR-7 (I really have lost my voice. Thank you so much. You have no idea how encouraging you are), Nightheart (you are such a lurker! I love it when you review, though! Hang around more often!), September Rose (you came in the middle and I'm not sure you came back, but thank you for all the lovely comments!) kiwi (coming and going, your reviews are really fabulous. Thank you), the archduke (you left reviews for a few chapters and I really loved them!), angelic1090 (you were there in the beginning and vanished for a long time, but you came back! Thank you so much), Andi (you were there in the middle!), C.G. (thank you! But… where did you go?), Chihaya (your artwork is SOOOO lovely. Did you continue reading?), Bunny (thank you! You came in late and stuck with it! Amazing!), Rhiannon (is that from RJ? Thanks for the reviews! I got one in the middle and then *gasp* you were still there in the end! Thank you!), Cailet/Jen (definitely a fan of Melanie Rawn. ^_^ but OMG! I didn't realize you were reading! Thank you!), km Iowe (*sniff* reviews for old chapters…thank you), Xlade (you made me laugh with happiness! Where did you go, though?), Amanda (oh, thank you SOO much!), Kai (*huge smile* thank you), Leaky Pfaucet (I came to depend on you, even if you showed up late. Your reviews meant a lot! Thank you very, very much), b (are b and just b the same person? Hard to tell, but either way, thank you very very much. It means a lot), kitty hilde (you are amazing! Reviews for old chapters are always amazing. Best wishes), Cass (you liked the 1xr wedding? Aw, thank you), thePolokid (maybe words can't, but they sure help me! Thank you! I really appreciated your encouragement toward the end!), Belldandy (*zap blushes* I'm flattered. Thank you!), Cyndi (the best? Wow, thank you.), rin (so they are! Please come back!), Arielle (thank you thank you thank you! I wasn't sure you'd stick around!) Angel Y (you've been reading from the beginning? I had no idea! Thank you! Please review more often! ^_^) Kitcat (thank you for finally reviewing! It is SO appreciated!), Bluestarlight922 (you didn't review for a long time, but your current effort means worlds to me!!! Thank you!!!), Evil Karyta (I came to depend on you! Wait until the end *gasp* Thank you for reviewing sooner! I loved it), Tenoko (you came in VERY late, but your reviews are no less appreciated!!! I needed the support all the way through. Thank you EVER so much), Trinni (three days! I hope it was worth it. Thank you!). Okay, one last thank you to The Fic Critic, who amuses me immensely but stopped evaluating my story when it was about a third-of-the-way done. 8 is pretty good, but did it get any better? And to Coley Merrin (I don't know if you look at ff.net, but your emailed reviews surpass all. It's incredible. You've made me cry. Thank you so much.)
If you haven't reviewed yet, or haven't in a long time, PLEASE do. I can't tell you how much it means to me, even still, especially when I'm planning an original work and in need of encouragement. Thank you for reading. Really. It means a lot to me and I sincerely appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. A big thank you to all my readers. I have a vision for a story, but it's the readers I write them for, and it's readers I am hoping to please. I have no idea if you like it if you don't tell me, so I appreciate your comments very much. Thank you, everybody, very VERY much for reading this enormous work of mine. I may count the pages and let you know how long it was in the author's notes, though it might frighten you. ^_^ Again, thank you so very much for reading and please write a review. You have no idea how much they help me and someday it might pay off in an actual book. I would be ecstatic if I ever publish anything and I will have all of you to thank for encouraging me to try. If my publishing something interests you (and don't get my hopes up if it really doesn't) let me know and I'll contact you. I need all the help I can get and I'm a little lacking in courage.
For any reason you can email me at:
zapenstap@yahoo.com
or
webmaster@zapenstap.topcities.com
Thank you, everybody!!!! I'm so incredibly sorry if I missed anyone!