Eren has the good grace not to wrinkle his nose when she gets in the car with him, though she's fairly certain that she smells pretty strongly off coffee grounds.
"Long day at work?" he asks.
"The longest," she groans, dropping her bag at her feet. "Thanks for…" She flaps a hand, "picking me up."
"Don't mention it." Eren clears his throat.
The seconds tick onward and Historia drums her fingers against her knees, wondering just how long it takes for a silence to become awkward and if this is how first dates with a boy are supposed to go.
"So…" she says, breaking the ice. "Where are we going? I hope it's not out for coffee, because if it is…"
He casts a sideways glance her way. "What if we are going out for coffee?"
She doesn't even need to think. "Then I'm breaking up with you on the spot." She realizes what she just said and goes bright red.
If anything, Eren seems just as caught off guard by her slip of the tongue- his face is also beet red.
"That's not what I…" Historia begins, then realizes that there's no way for her to finish that sentence and make any of it better. So she shuts her mouth.
Well, this is off to a great start.
"You can take me out for coffee," she says lamely. "I don't care."
"Are you sure? That's not how it sounded three seconds ago."
"I know how it sounded!" But she's laughing now.
The ice has been broken.
/
They don't go out for coffee.
They get milkshakes instead and take a seat on a bench outside the shop.
It's not idyllic by any means, but it's… definitely nice.
"Have you been here before?" Eren asks, taking a long sip.
Historia shakes her head. "I haven't." She had gotten the flavor that most intrigued her: blueberry cheesecake.
She takes a sip- and is immediately hit by the sugar bliss. "Mmm," she hums, content. "This is good."
"Yeah. This place is my favorite." The look on Eren's face turns wistful. "My mom used to take me here a lot."
"Yeah?" Historia sits back, sympathetic. "That must have been nice."
"It was." There's a small smile on his lips.
She smiles too- it's hard not to, with how soft and at peace he looks. He's usually so intense that it's nice to see him looking happy for once.
/
The date ends.
Historia almost wishes it wouldn't.
"Can we do this again?" he asks and Historia freezes.
She wants to say yes.
Her mouth feels dry when her lips part. She runs her tongue over her lips and nods once. "Yes."
Eren's face lights up.
It should have wiped her doubt away, but instead it only makes her feel more guilty.
"There's a party," he says. "Next week. If you want, we can go."
A party.
Back before Ymir, Historia had always been the life of the party.
Now, in the after, she can't remember the last time she went.
She agrees before she can change her mind. "Okay."
/
Has she lost her damn mind?
Historia lies on her back, staring at the ceiling. Maybe if she stares hard enough, it will finally start to stare back and tell her what a fool she's being.
No, she doesn't need the ceiling for that.
Not when her inner voice is already doing one hell of a job.
But she wants to see him.
She can't deny it.
She pulls her phone out.
Her lockscreen is the same as it's always been for the past three years.
Ymir, drinking a strawberry milkshake at the cute little diner they always used to frequent. Her eyebrows are drawn down low in a frown and she's in the act of flipping off the photographer.
Still, there's a hint of mischief sparkling in the depths of her brown eyes.
Typical Ymir.
She's kept it- ever since the accident, she couldn't bear the thought of ever changing it.
Seeing it now turns her stomach and she flips the phone over, unable to look at the face of her own guilt staring back at her.
A second date with Eren Yeager…
What is she thinking?
She's letting this… this thing grow out of control.
Attraction is one thing- even she knows some things are beyond her control- but a relationship is something else entirely.
Isn't she being selfish? Who does she think she is to want this after everything that happened?
What would Ymir think?
Ymir would want you to be happy.
The moment she thinks this, she knows it to be true.
Ymir would never begrudge Historia happiness. She'd want her to move on.
She takes a deep breath and flips the phone back over.
Ymir seems like she's challenging her- the way she always did in life.
What are you waiting for, loser? This is your life, you've gotta live it for yourself 'cause there's no one else to do it for you.
She'd said that right before she'd grabbed Historia's hand and plunged them both off the side of a bridge and into the lake below.
Historia smiled at the memory.
She had screamed at the time, her shrieks cut off the moment she hit the water, and she'd certainly swallowed a lot of it.
She had been angry at first, slapping at Ymir's chest, even as Ymir herself had doubled over with laughter so hard she was having trouble breathing.
Eventually, Historia had started laughing too- right after that, Sasha had snapped the photo.
That had been Ymir's way.
Always finding a means to force her out of her comfort zone, but never too far.
Maybe that can be Eren now.
After Ymir's death, she told herself she didn't deserve happiness. That it was unfair to Ymir for her to live her life the way she would have had Ymir still been here.
So she hasn't lived. She's simply existed in a sort of limbo up until the point that it hit her in the face: that's not what Ymir would have wanted.
Ymir would have wanted her to move on, to be happy again.
And, if Historia is being honest with herself… this is something she kind of wants too.
"Okay," she whispers. "I think I'm ready to live my life again."