Author's Notes: You know, people learn new things all the time. Like how I found out a little while ago that it was Ambient who killed Raven's parents and not Shadow. It's funny how one mistake can be posted on a webpage and then it's all over the internet because everyone copies off of each other. Oh yeah, one more thing. I found a great site to buy Zoid models off of! I've already got the Konig Wolf, and it's really cool! The instructions are in Japanese though, but that's not a problem because they've got all the pretty pictures showing you what to do! And it only takes about a week for the Zoids to get to your house, and I've just got the Berserk Fury and a Lightning Saix (The Lightning Saix walks really fast and the Fury is really hard to build. And my sister got the Geno Breaker, and that's even harder because of the thing on its back. The Geno Breaker also comes with Shadow and Raven action figures, but the Raven is red, but paint can fix that. I personally think that the Fury is better than the Geno Breaker because the Fury has a walking mode and a charged particle beam mode, and the Breaker only walks). This site lets you order any Zoid, so you're not limited to the crappy American selection! If you want to know what this site is, then e-mail me and ask. My address is Duowolf@aol.com

Brad's Phone Adventure

Brad Hunter was having a really bad day. He was pissed off and ready to strangle the next person who bugged him. It seemed that everything had gone wrong for him that day. Jamie had accidentally set fire to Brad's pancakes while he was cooking them and Brad had burned himself while trying to help put out the flames. The Doc had been playing with his Zoid models and decided to pretend that they were having an adventure at the beach, and he had decided that Brad's bathroom would be the beach. The Doc had screwed up Brad's bathroom so badly that it was hardly recognizable. Leena had chained herself to the refrigerator after she found out that Bit was eating her food again, so no one could eat anything since Leena had a few large knives with her. Fortunately Bit wasn't there since he had gone treasure hunting for parts again.

Brad was now sitting on a couch pretending that he wasn't hungry. He hoped that Leena would soon have to go to the bathroom so he could run in and grab some food before she got back. He also hoped that she wouldn't pee on the floor instead of going to the bathroom, because then he would never have the chance to get food and eat.

Brad was really getting bored now, and he decided to watch TV. He flicked channels until something caught his eye. It was Steve Irwin the Croc Hunter on Animal Planet! And his arm was being chewed on by a huge snake! Fascinated by all the blood, Brad watched as Steve went "Ow! Ow! Ow!". Then Brad got bored again when the scene changed and all the blood went away. He flicked to another channel. This time it was Cartoon Network! And Sailor Moon was on. Brad watched the girls with the skirts twirl around with magical wands shouting things that had to do with love. He wondered why their enemies didn't kill them when they were twirling around for ten minutes. Finally Brad had had enough of the girl with long spaghetti hair and turned off the TV. The TV helped a little but Brad was still bored and pissed off.

Right after Brad had turned off the idiot box, Bit walked in, smelling like the stuff dogs like to roll in.

Bit screamed at Brad, "HI BRAD! HOW ARE YOU, TODAY?"

Brad ignored Bit hoping that IT would go away.

Bit shrieked, "MY DAY WAS GREAT! I GOT ALL DIRTY AND I SMELL!!!"

Brad's eye twitched.

Bit screamed like a girl, "I LIKE TO EAT APPLE PIE AND HEAT IT UP FOR HALF AN HOUR SO THAT IT MAKES MY THROAT ALL NICE AND TINGLY AND WARM WHEN I SWALLOW!!!"

Brad's hands started to shake.

Bit took out a cell phone and shrieked, "LOOKIE HERE, BRAD! I FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO USE THIS NEW ELECTRIC-UH-CITY LIGHTER!"

A vein in Brad's forehead started to pulse rapidly.

Bit screamed again, "WHAT'S WRONG BRAD? HOW COME YOU'RE NOT TALKING TO ME??!!"

Brad started to sweat and glared at Bit.

Bit shrieked, "I KNOW WHAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!!!"

Then Bit jumped onto the couch Brad was sitting on and started to jump up and down singing a horrible tune about the Doc's underwear at the top of his lungs. And Brad couldn't take anymore.

"FUCK IT! I HATE YOU!" Brad screamed and pulled down Bit's pants and underwear and jammed the cell phone up Bit's ass.

Bit screamed like a little girl and waddled as quickly as he could out of the room, screaming for Doc to do something about Brad and the phone up his butt, while Brad laughed his head off.

Brad was now having a good day. A very good day.

More Phone Calls and The Contest

Biowolf once again sits in her chair with a phone on one side and Jamie the Madman, bound to the chair with a metal harness and gagged again, on the other. But there are three extra "guests" today. Karl Shubaltz and Raven are also there, but not tied up, instead they are there because Biowolf threatened to feed them to Jamie if they didn't show up. The third guest, who was mentioned in a review, is everyone's favorite insane sadistic pyromaniac! Dilandau Albatou from Escaflowne!

Biowolf: "Welcome back everybody! I hope you enjoyed "Brad's Phone Adventure"! Today I have some more questions for our characters, and a special event at the end!"

Raven (to Karl): "I bet you that the "special event" involves us."

Karl (to Raven): "Probably."

Raven (to Karl): "I bet you that it's going to be humiliating and painful."

Karl (to Raven): "I think you're probably right."

Biowolf: "Shut up, you two, or I'll have Jamie do something horrible to the both of you. Anyway, Fire Fox actually asked ME a question! Yippee! The question is: do I know anyone who can loan her a "Screw me" sign? My answer: Nope, I don't know anyone who can loan you one, but maybe you could find some Dilandau fangirls and ask them!"

Dilandau: "Hey! That's not funny!"

Biowolf: "Oh yeah! I almost forgot. I want to take over the world too, so you can't have Hiltz! He's mine! (sticks out tongue) And I agree with you that Van is perky, and that he must be destroyed!"

Dilandau (angry): "Van? You mean Van Fanel?"

Biowolf: "No, Dilandau. He's a different Van; the one from Zoids."

Dilandau: "Oh, well since he has the same first name as Van Fanel, then I must burn and kill him too!"

Biowolf: "I'm sure all the Raven fans would be happy if you did that, Dilandau."

Raven: "I wouldn't! I want to kill Van!"

Dilandau: "I want to kill ALL Vans!!!"

Raven: "I'm going to kill Van first!"

Dilandau: "Not in this life time!"

Biowolf: "SHUT UP! Dilandau, you can kill the Van from Escaflowne, and Raven, you can kill the Van from Zoids."

Dilandau: "But-"

Biowolf: "Shut up or I'll feed you to Jamie the Madman."

As if on cue, Jamie's stomach growls and he starts drooling. Dilandau shuts up.

Karl: "I'm glad that's over. Can I take the next question?"

Biowolf: "Sure thing Karl! You haven't annoyed me yet!"

Karl (takes an index card from Biowolf): "Oh…no. Not another one! Oh well, it's from Shelly and I have to tell Schala85 that I can't go out with her character, because I'm engaged to Shelly's character."

Raven: "You're engaged?"

Karl: "Fangirls."

Raven: "Oh, I know how you feel."

Karl: "I know you do. That reminds me! How DID you get away from all those fangirls who were chasing you?"

Raven (grins): "That's a secret."

Karl: "Um, yeah. I have one more question from Shelly. Raven, what would you do if you saw Van on the side of the street?"

Dilandau: "VAN!"

Biowolf: "Settle down. He means the other Van."

Dilandau: "Oh."

Raven: "Hmm. There's lots of nasty things I'd love to do to him, but I'd think the best would be to-"

Dilandau: "Burn him!"

Raven: "Burn him? Hmm…I guess that's okay, but I would want him to suffer more."
Dilandau: "You're talking to the master of torture. If you want Van to suffer, first you have to grab him and tie him down. Then stab him with knives all over his body, but don't push down too hard or he'll lose too much blood and he won't suffer as much. Then you have to burn him, but only on his legs and arms, and there will be lots of blood. That way he doesn't die as quickly and you are inflicting the maximum amount of pain because you've left his organs alone. One time I got this guy, but I wasn't being careful and I sliced off his head with my sword, then I chopped up his body, but he was already dead so he didn't feel any pain. That's why you need to leave his head and torso alone, so he can live longer while you torture him, and you can hear him scream if he still has his head. Since I cut off that guy's head, I didn't get to hear him screa-"

Biowolf: "That's enough Dilandau! I think Raven gets the point!"

Raven: "Yeah. But I have to admit that Dilandau is right about that. If I want to make Van suffer, then I-"

Biowolf: "Next question Karl!"

Karl: "Right. (looks down at card) Heh. Hey Dilandau! Infernos says that you got wasted by fangirls!"

Dilandau: "I most certainly did not!"

Biowolf: "Suuuure you didn't, Dilandau."

Dilandau: "That's right! For your information, I'm with Folk-"

Biowolf: "I knew it! You are Folken are together! Ha!"

Dilandau: "That reminds me. You really enjoyed that story about me and Folken in the Escaflowne section, didn't you?"

Biowolf: "Uhh…I don't know what you're talking about."

Dilandau: "Yes you do. What was it called again? Something about a coin and three sides…"

Biowolf (pushes a secret button under the phone table, which unlocks Jamie from his chair): "Jamie! Take him back to where he belongs!"

Jamie snickers and drags Dilandau, who is screaming bloody murder, from the room.

Biowolf: "Umm…heh. Okay, continue Karl."

Karl: "Okay. This is for Raven, from…someone who is irrelevant. Your Geno Breaker and Shadow are on the path you're running down, and they're covered with anti-fangirl spray, so you can use them to destroy the fangirls."

Raven: "I know. I've already found them. That's how I escaped from the fangirls, along with some help from two others."

Biowolf: "Who helped you?"

Raven: "That's a secret."

Jamie the Madman returns and sits down in his chair again, then Biowolf presses the button and locks him back in. Jamie growls at her, but she ignores him and silently refuses to give back his Axe of Doom.

Karl: "Infernos wants to call Riece and ask her to mind control Hiltz into loaning Raven his Death Stinger to fight the fangirls, who will go after Raven again eventually, or at least help him out using her Geno Saurer."

Biowolf (picks up phone and dials Riece's number, who answers quickly): "Hello? Riece?"

Riece: "Yes. How may I help you? Would you like to know about the suffering you will go through in the future?"

Karl (takes phone from Biowolf, who smacks him upside the head): "OW!"

Riece: "Huh? Was that pain I heard?"

Karl: "Never mind. Anyway, could you mind control Hiltz into lending Raven his Death Stinger so he can fight off the unending swarm of fangirls, or else help him out in your Geno Saurer?"

Riece: "Yeah, sure. Um….let's see…..where is Hiltz….I'm using my powers to find him so I don't have to get up……huh?…he's not at his house!….so where is he…."

Karl: "Have you found him yet?"

Riece: "No….Yes! He's at Biowolf's house!"

Karl shoots a look at Biowolf, who whistles innocently.

Karl: "Why's he at your house, Biowolf?"

Biowolf (gives him the "Duh! Isn't it obvious!" look): "He's my favorite character."

Karl (disgusted): "That's sick."

Biowolf (grins): "I don't care."

Riece: "Going to use mind control powers now I am. Make Hiltz give to Raven his Death Stinger I will."

Biowolf, Karl, and Raven: "Yoda freak! Yoda freak!"

Riece: "Fine then! (sniffles and is about to cry) I won't do it! You're all so mean to me!!! (starts crying) WAAAAAAAH-*click*"

Biowolf and Karl: "Oops."

Raven: "HAHAHAHA!"

Biowolf: "Raven! That's mean! We already damaged her fragile mental stability and self-confidence!"

Raven: "So…"

Biowolf: "You should have laughed in her face, you dork!"

Raven: "I'll make sure to do that later."

Karl: "Both of you are weird. Anyway, since Riece broke down before she could get Hiltz to lend Raven his Death Stinger, then I guess we'll have to move on to the next question, which isn't a question. Okay…it's for Jamie, from Infernos, saying that you'll be more efficient in your killing spree if you use your Raynos."

Jamie: "Mmph mmm mmph mm!"

Biowolf: "Jamie says he knows that, and that he's having two huge axes installed on it right now!"

Jamie: "Mmph!"

Karl: "Isn't that bad?"

Biowolf: "I don't know what you mean."

Raven: "It's fine by me as long as he leaves Van alone so I can kill him."

Karl (sweatdrops): "Forget it. Anyway, E-307 is next in line for asking questions. The first question however, cannot be answered because it'll take Riece a few weeks to recover from her traumatic experience, so we'll just skip it and go to the next one."

Raven (leans over to look at the index card in Karl's hand): "Wait! I can answer some of it! I can't tell you your future, but even though she has psychic powers she can't find her keys because she's an idiot! HAHAHAHA!!!"

Karl: "Yes…thank you Raven for your "intelligent" answer."

Raven (pissed off): "Hey!"

Karl: "Let's move on. The next question is for Vega, from E-307 who wants to borrow his Berserk Fury for a while."

Biowolf calls Vega, who answers after six rings.

Biowolf: "Hi Vega! My friend wants to borrow the Berserk Fury for a while, so will you let him?"

Vega: "Sure, but don't blame me if the Fury kills your friend when he tries to get in the cockpit. Bye."

Biowolf: "See ya. (hangs up)"

Karl: "Wow, that was really positive."

Biowolf: "Yeah I know. It kind of feels weird."

Biowolf, Raven, Karl, and Jamie sit in silence for a few minutes.

Raven: "I want to kill Van's bloody heart. Blood, blood, blood!"

Biowolf, Karl, and Jamie snap out of the trance.

Biowolf: "Thanks for that, Raven."

Raven: "Your welcome. Blood!"

Karl: "Okay, here's another one from E-307. It's for Shadow: Why won't you go help out Raven already?"

Raven: "He did, but I'm still not going to tell you what exactly happened!"

Biowolf: "You will eventually, isn't that right, Jamie?"

Jamie: "Mmph!"

Raven: "Blood!"

Biowolf: "Tell us! OR ELSE!"

Raven (looks at Jamie): "Okay, fine, I'll tell. I was running from the fangirls when I found Shadow and my Geno Breaker. I climbed into it to escape from THEM and Shadow fused with my Zoid. Then I started firing charged particle beams at THEM, but their EVIL POWERS kept THEM from being killed. THEY just kept getting back up and running at me. So when I thought all hope was lost, Vega, in his Berserk Fury, and Jamie the Madman showed up and helped me hold THEM off until THEY were too tired to keep getting back up."

Karl (freaked out from all the weirdness): "Um….okay, the next question is from E-307 again, wanting to know if Jamie can be hired to cause massive destruction and doom."

Jamie: "Mmph!"

Biowolf: "He says yes, he can. Just call 1-800-I-WANT-TO-KILL-PEOPLE-AND-TAKE-OVER-THE-WORLD-AND-CAUSE-LOTS-OF-DESTRUCTION-AND-MISERY-BUT-LEAVE-VAN-ALIVE-SO-RAVEN-CAN-KILL-HIM!"

Karl: "Really?"

Biowolf: "Yeah."

Raven: "Cool."

Jamie: "Mmph!"

Karl: "Whatever. Since you two, or three if Jamie counts, are so weird, then I will do this by myself."

Raven: "No way! It's my turn! (pokes Karl in the eye and snatches the index card with all the questions on it) Okay! Now I'm in charge. So I'm going to do it MY way! And if you have a problem with that then I'll kill you. I'm not going to call anybody, instead I'm going to answer the questions myself! Okay, Mistress of All Worlds has a lot of questions. The Doc can't give you all his models because he's in the hospital recovering from his injuries from his JAMIE ENCOUNTER! And I know who Fiona really likes; she likes Prozen! She only pretends to like Van! She's such a slut!"

Biowolf (pokes Raven in the eye and snatches the index card away from him): "Sorry, Mistress of All Worlds. Now I'll call Leena for you and ask if she would give you her Gun Sniper if you became her bodyguard to protect her from you-know-who *coughcoughVoldemortcoughcoughOrIsItHarrycoughcough*"

Biowolf dials Leena's number, and Leena answers after a while.

Leena (whispering): "Hello?"

Biowolf: "Hi Leena! It's me, Biowolf. And my friend, Mistress of All Worlds, would like to become your bodyguard to protect you from you-know-who, but you'd have to give her your Gun Sniper."

Leena (very happy): "Yes! Of course she can be my bodyguard and have my Gun Sniper! Just as long as she protects me from Voldemort! Bye! *click*"

Biowolf: "That was unexpected."

Raven: "I'm Harry Potter's father! Hahaha!"

Karl: "Really?"

Raven: "No, of course not, you dimwitted blondie-boy."

Karl (offended): "Hey!"

Biowolf: "…………um, yeah, Anyway, Mistress of All Worlds would also like to ask Bit who he really likes."

Biowolf calls Bit, who actually answers the phone for the first time of his life!

Bit: "Hi?"

Biowolf: "Hi Bit! I'm a stranger that you don't know, but can you tell me who you really like?"

Bit: "Sure. I have a crush on Raven!"

Biowolf: "Raven!?"

Bit: "Yeah…..who are you again?"

Biowolf: "I'm nobody. Bye."

Bit: "Bye Mr. Nobody! *click*"

Raven: "I don't like him. I need to kill him."

Biowolf: "I'm not going to stop you. Anyway, Karl, Mistress of All Worlds wants you to kill Thomas."

Karl: "Kill Thomas? I would never do that! I love my little brother and I would never even dream of killing him!"

Raven: "I'd kill him."

Karl: "No you won't!"

Raven: "Yes I will!"

Karl: "What about Van?"

Raven: "Oh! That's right! I need to kill Van first! Forget Thomas! I MUST kill Van!"

Biowolf: "………….Okay. Now it's Schala85's turn."

Karl: "Oh, no. Not her again!"

Biowolf: "And guess what! All the questions are for you again, Karl! Kay, how does it feel to be the person to fire the huge, cool gravity cannon?"

Karl: "Actually, it makes me want to shoot like crazy and destroy everything. I think it makes me feel like that because I can feel the power flowing through me whenever I'm sitting in that chair and I think 'Hey! I need to destroy stuff'!"

Biowolf: "Ooooookaaaay. So would you go out with her character Nayru?"

Karl: "Sure, but I'd rather go out with Schala85 because she said I was the coolest and most handsome person ever! (blushes)"

Raven: "Dork."

Karl: "I hate you."

Raven: "Good."

Biowolf (looks at the rest of Schala85's review, and decides to not mention it because she feels Thomas gets bashed enough already, the poor guy): "Okay. Now it's time for the special event of the day!"

Raven and Karl: "Nooooo!!"

Biowolf: "It's time for The Hottest Guy Contest between Raven and Karl!"

A huge swarm of fangirls arrive screaming "Raven! Raven!" and "Karl! Karl!", freaking Raven and Karl out. They are holding various signs and flags with various dorky sayings on them like "Raven is the Best! He can beat all the rest! We know he can! Kill that loser, Van!" and "Karl is really hot! He never misses a shot! We really like his chin! We know he will win!" Biowolf waits a few minutes before releasing Jamie the Madman to chase them all away.

Biowolf: "Okay, and the winner is…..(thinks of all the horrible things fangirls are capable of doing)….Hiltz. He is the winner."

Raven and Karl: "WHAT!"

Karl: "He wasn't a choice!"

Raven: "Yeah!"

Biowolf: "Do you dare face the wrath of me and Jamie the Madman?"

Karl: "…..You know, Hiltz is pretty good-looking."

Raven: "….Yeah. I guess it's okay if he wins."

Biowolf: "Are you sure?"

Raven and Karl look at Jamie, who is looking at them with glowing red eyes.

Raven and Karl: "Yeah."

Biowolf: "Good. Anyway, both of you guys are hot. It's too hard to choose one of you."

Karl: "Yeah, that and you have a crush on Hiltz."

Biowolf: "Say that again and I'll feed you to Jamie."

Jamie: "Mmph!"

Biowolf: "Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this weird chapter. So review or face the madness of Jamie."