"So how's it going?" Willow asked Buffy over the phone.
"It's basically akin to doing the backstroke in a pool of oil...that's on fire." Buffy grumbled, glancing around the otherwise unoccupied kitchen.
"It's really that bad?" Willow remarked in wonderment.
"Yes. Athena and I despise each other. Dawn's whining constantly, and Mom's drinking, and that's ALWAYS a bad sign."
"What about Diana?"
Buffy opened her mouth to comment, but then paused, thinking.
"I'm not sure honestly, she's a hard read. Diana is always so stoic and polite. Like a queen. It's weird. I can't figure her ou-" Buffy started.
"Buffy?! It's my turn to use the phone!" Dawn screeched from the living room.
"Great. The goblin who passes for my kid sister is howling for telephone time. I have to go." Buffy explained with a grimace.
"It's okay, Buffy. Bye!"
"Bye! Come and get it Dawn! Ding! Ding!"
Hanging up the phone, Buffy nimbly dodged Dawn who sprinted into the kitchen for said phone and back into the living room.
As she entered, Joyce, Diana, and Athena all looked at her. Joyce then spoke up:
"You know Buffy, Diana and I were talking, when do you think I might see some grandchildren?"
Buffy almost choked up and gagged upon hearing that question.
"Huh. I had the same reaction when Mom asked me just now." Athena commented, amused.
"It is a fair question daughter." Diana stated, looking at Athena.
"Who am I supposed to have them with?" Athena asked. She glanced at Buffy.
"Buffy?"
Buffy stared at Athena in disbelief.
Athena then grinned at Buffy.
"What do you think sweetie? Ready to squirt out a bundle of joy?"
"I would rather jump naked and on fire into the Hellmouth than ever consider the possibility of ever having anything with you, ever." Buffy snapped.
"Well, that was rather sexual, wasn't it?" Athena replied with a cluck of her tongue.
"OH MY GOD?! DO YOU EVER STOP?!" Buffy shouted, running her hands through her hair.
"Sorry. I forgot. Blondes are more your speed!" Athena laughed salaciously.
"You are such an unrepentant evil lying slut!" Buffy hissed.
Athena got off the couch at that and started towards Buffy, who went into a fighting stance when Dawn's voice stopped them both cold with what she said:
"Wow. You two need a room. And not to play checkers."
All the women turned and stared at her in disbelief.
Dawn's reaction was to grin impishly and then run up the stairs.
Joyce looked at the other women and said brightly:
"So, who's hungry?"
Artemis, Lilith, and Faith made their way into the school library. As they entered, the others looked up.
"How did you ladies fare with Willy?" Ares asked curiously.
"He didn't have much to offer except for rumors. According to him, vampires and other monsters are being assaulted by their dead relatives, who then transform, into these...things. We got a taste of that ourselves when Willy's dead father appeared and attacked him and us. We slew him and turned back to question Willy when there was a flash of light behind us." Artemis replied.
"Yeah, then we spun around and Willy's dad had went poof! Gone without a trace!" Faith added, throwing her hands outwards to illustrate.
"I am afraid we had a similar experience at Ryan's house with a dead attacker." Giles said.
The three new arrivals all looked at each other.
"Who was this attacker, Rupert?" Lilith inquired.
"Ryan's deceased spouse." Giles answered grimly.
"What the fuck is this?!" Faith wondered.
"So this plague is targeting everybody in Sunnydale, human and non-human alike." Bellona commented.
"But what's causing it?" Neil mused. He looked at Giles.
"Could it be that artifact we found?" Neil asked.
"Perhaps." Giles conceded, taking off his glasses thoughtfully.
"Artifact?" Lilith asked.
"Yes. We found it at Ryan's home. Let me show you." Giles explained.
Giles and Ares went into Giles's office and returned with Ryan's chest and sat it on the library table. The Englishman opened it and turned it toward Faith, Artemis, and Lilith so they could see the...device?...for themselves.
All three women stared at it for a few minutes before Faith finally broke the silence with:
"What...the...fuck...?"
"Fascinating." Lilith remarked.
"Looks like something we might discover in Eppy's world." Artemis observed.
"I had the same thought." Giles agreed.
"Any luck researching...it?" Faith asked.
"None. There's nothing even close to it in any of Giles's books." Neil answered.
"With our inquiries at a dead end, I had best phone the Council." Giles stated.
He turned around and went into his office to do so.
Hera chose that moment to reenter the library.
"Hey hon." Ares greeted.
"Hey Red." Hera greeted back.
The phone on the library counter decided to ring, and Hera, being the closest, decided to pick it up and answer it.
"Yeah?" Hera asked the caller on the other line.
"Hera? This is Helen. Is Neil there?"
"He is. What's up?"
"There's a weird woman wandering around Sunnydale who eerily fits the description of Neil's dead mother. She's looking for him."
Hera turned and gazed at Neil worriedly. Neil cocked his head at her in confusion.
"Oh shit." Hera growled.
An hour later...
"Helen!" Neptune whispered softly.
Helen turned to look at him and quickly joined him in ducking down behind a rusted out car along with Apollo, Zeus, and Taryn. They peered out cautiously at what had caused their hasty concealment. A pale moon shone down, illuminating the scene.
A middle-aged woman walked quickly past, only a hundred feet from their hiding place. They all immediately recognized her.
Neil's mother.
The five of them had been looking for her ever since they had heard her description and who she was looking for from a friendly patrolman who they had fought alongside against Demona during the final battle to liberate Sunnydale from her reign of terror.
Finally spotting her, they had stealthily followed her to a deserted and desolate scrapyard.
Waiting until she was gone, they emerged from their hiding place and continued trailing her.
After a few moments of following, they watched as she made her way into an open area in the exact middle of the junkyard. She paused and waited. Her wait was brief.
Two older men appeared on the other side of the open area and crossed to Neil's mother.
"Neil's father and one of his uncles." Taryn whispered.
"I know. They're both dead too. How are they here and what are they up to?" Apollo asked.
The three of them began speaking, and Helen and the others listened in with their enhanced hearing.
"He is here. I know it." Neil's mother (Sandra) commented.
"Yes. I feel his presence." Neil's uncle (James) replied.
"But where is he?" Neil's father (Neal) wondered.
"You said you saw him near the local high school." James reminded him.
"I'm aware of what I saw, but he vanished after that, and I couldn't locate him after that." Neal answered, clearly a little defensive.
"Then let's look for him together. We're stronger as a group." Sandra reasoned.
The men nodded in agreement, and all three left together.
Waiting until they vanished from their sight, Zeus spoke up.
"We had better call the library up again, and warn them." Zeus said.
Helen pulled out her cell phone again and started dialing. She spoke to Bellona for a few moments, and then they both hung up.
"Come on, or we're going to lose them." Taryn said.
The five of them transformed into bats and flew after their quarry.
General Hammond reentered the briefing room and everyone turned toward him.
"What did he say sir?" Sam asked.
"He's requested that we dispatch you and the rest of SG-1 to go with Eppy and Spidey to investigate this threat firsthand. We're attempting to contact the Tok'ra so they can dispatch Jacob here to pick you up and ferry the six of you to their reality. Of course, that poses the question of how Eppy and Spidey came to our universe, but I assumed it was through a wormhole or something similar." Hammond answered and spoke to Sam and Eppy at the same time.
"It was a dimensional aperture, but close enough. It should still be open." Eppy replied.
"Should?" Jack said questioningly.
"Our scans showed no sign of it closing when we passed through it. It seemed very stable Mr. Jack." Spidey explained.
"Ah. Stable. Great. It's good when things are stable. Don't you think?" Jack grinned.
Spidey closed one of its eyes in response to Jack's statement. Jack wasn't sure what that meant, if indeed it meant anything.
"When we enter your universe, how will we know where to go to rendezvous with your people, or for that matter, identify ourselves as non-hostile? They will clearly not recognize Jacob's vessel." Teal'c wondered.
"Oh! Spidey and I have intergalactic communicators, plus our ship has a distress beacon. If a rescue craft is not already on the way, we can contact them to provide one. Then we will meet up with them, they can take us on board, and they'll ferry us the rest of the way." Eppy told Teal'c reassuringly.
"I see." Teal'c nodded.
"Please contact them as soon as possible." Hammond asked Eppy and Spidey.
"Of course, my friend!" Eppy responded enthusiastically.
"Who is Jacob, by the way?" Spidey inquired.
"That's my father." Sam replied with a warm smile.
"Ohhh…" Spidey and Eppy stated with a clear air of realization.
"That reminds me Captain, you have been officially promoted to Major. Congratulations." Hammond said suddenly.
SG-1, especially Sam stared at Hammond at this revelation.
"Wow, Sam. That's wonderful!" Daniel commented.
"Kudos, Major Carter." Teal'c said.
"You deserve it, Carter." Jack stated.
"Y-Yeah, oh my god!" Sam stammered in clear disbelief.
Hammond turned to Eppy and Spidey and said to them:
"Anytime you're ready."
Eppy pulled a peculiar orb-like device from its body and began speaking into what they assumed was its native language. The dialect was composed of clicks, whistles, hoots, and less describable sounds. Eppy finished speaking and swept them all with its gaze.
"A ship will arrive here in twenty of your hours." it announced.
"Can you have them meet Jacob's vessel behind our moon?" Jack asked Eppy.
"Good thinking Colonel." Hammond said approvingly.
"I aim to please sir." Jack replied.
Eppy spoke into its communication device once more and then looked at them all again and said:
"Done."
"Now we wait." Teal'c said.
"So, to pass the time, how about a little cultural exchange?" Daniel asked Eppy and Spidey.
"Sure Friend Daniel!" Eppy responded gleefully, slapping its front flippers together.
"Oh brother." Jack and Spidey muttered under their breath, rolling their eyes.
All five women (well, four women and a girl) were sitting around the table in the dining room in Buffy's house.
"Well isn't this wonderful? Mothers and daughters sitting together, having a pleasant dinner. Doesn't everyone think so?" Joyce stated brightly, looking around the table.
"Indeed I do Joyce." Diana replied calmly. The mothers looked at their respective daughters.
Said daughters seemed highly skeptical.
"Sure, Mom. It's all very peachy." Buffy groused.
"Well, let's eat! Everybody dig in!" Joyce gushed, clearly ignoring Buffy's sarcastic remark.
Diana raised a hand, causing Joyce to pause and look at her.
"In keeping with the spirit of this evening, I believe one of our daughters should serve us our food." Diana said.
Buffy, Dawn, and Athena stared at her in disbelief.
"Uh, well-" Joyce began uncertainly.
"Athena." Diana interrupted sternly, waving a hand at the food on the table and regarding her daughter coolly.
"Please begin." Diana ordered. Joyce, Buffy, and Dawn looked a little unsure about this turn of events, but kept their peace.
Athena glared daggers at her mother, but arose from her seat and picked up the bowl of mashed potatoes. She went around placing a helping of potatoes on everyone's plate calmly, (except for Buffy, who nearly jumped when Athena slammed her serving down harder than necessary), until she came to her mother, where she hesitated.
There was a moment's silence. The tension started to build. They could all feel it. It was like a choking fog.
Athena leaned over Diana ominously. They both stared at each other.
"I've got a great idea. Why don't you fucking serve yourself...YOUR HIGHNESS?!" Athena snarled, all but spitting in her mother's face and slamming the potato bowl on the table.
Joyce and Dawn were clearly getting frightened. Buffy tensed.
Diana slowly got up and faced her daughter.
"Meet me in the back yard." Diana ordered icily. She turned away and left the dining area, heading for the back door. Athena followed without hesitation.
Buffy got up and followed, with Joyce and Dawn following more reluctantly.
Diana opened the back door and entered the back yard, Athena hot on her heels. Buffy, Joyce, and Dawn stopped on the back porch.
"So, what now Momm-" Athena started sardonically only to receive a backhand to her face almost spinning her around. Joyce and Dawn gasped, while Buffy's expression became grim.
"I am your mother, Athena and you will respect me, and obey me, in loving submission, or I will thrash you within an inch of your disobedient life, just as I did when you were small. Do you understand me child?!" Diana almost hissed.
Athena calmly spat out blood and turned to face her mother.
"I'm not a little girl anymore Mom. And if you want to spank my ass, you're going to have to kick it first." Athena growled in response.
Diana's face hardened.
"As you wish." Diana replied.
Both amazons assumed a fighting stance.
Joyce made a move to intervene, but felt Buffy's strong hand on her shoulder. She looked at Buffy, and Buffy shook her head. Joyce wisely yielded to her daughter's wishes.
I want to see this. Buffy thought.
Just in case I have to fight one or both of them someday.
Athena and Diana looked at Buffy, then back at each other.
'ej Qu'Daj mIw. (Buffy is watching us closely.) Athena commented.
'ej choljaj ngIvwI'ghomquv. vay' ghotvam. (Let her watch. She may learn something.) Diana answered.
"What the hell did they say?!" Dawn wondered aloud.
They began.
Sandra, Neal, and James entered Sunnydale High cautiously. Their instincts told them something was amiss.
As they made their way down the corridor, a muscular and raven-haired woman stepped out in front of them from a nearby classroom door, a curved sword in hand. The three of them paused at this unexpected sight. It was obvious she meant business.
"You will proceed no further." the woman ordered menacingly.
"And who the fuck are you?!" Sandra snarled threateningly.
"I am the one preventing you from murdering your son." the woman replied, her pale blue eyes radiating malice.
"Who are you to keep me from my child?!" Sandra screamed.
"More of a mother than you will ever be Sandra." the woman replied.
Sandra started at that. Neal moved in front of Sandra and growled:
"You'll stop us from killing Neil all by your lonesome?"
"Lonesome?" she answered confidently.
Sensing something behind them, or rather someone, they turned to see they had been outflanked. A brunette woman, a giant noirette woman, and a red-headed man had appeared behind them. Looking back at the dark-haired woman, they noticed she had been joined by a red-headed woman and a black-haired girl.
And the new arrivals were armed as well.
"Shit." James muttered.
Diana and Athena started swinging punches and kicks at each other, parrying, blocking, and dodging. Their speed was tremendous!
Holy shit. Their technique...it's amazing! Buffy thought.
Diana landed a series of quick punches on her defiant daughter, knocking her back, but Athena responded by springing back and landing a vicious side kick to Diana's face! Athena followed it up with an uppercut to her mother's jaw, but Diana seized her daughter's wrist and kneed Athena in the stomach and then slammed a savage kick into Athena's ribs!
Athena retaliated with a palm strike to her mother's nose with her free hand, stunning Diana and forcing her to release her grip on her wrist. She then threw Diana over her massive shoulder in a practiced maneuver. Diana simply rolled thru the toss and landed on her feet, then whirled on Athena as she advanced on her and smashed her fist into Athena's mouth, bloodying it! Diana then swiftly applied an arm-bar on Athena's left arm, but Athena blocked its full execution.
Both Amazons struggled, their well-defined muscles straining, as they both sought to impose their will on the other. There was a low ominous rumble of thunder on the horizon for some reason.
Diana gained the better of the contest and entrapped Athena in the arm-bar. She was obviously the stronger of the two. Athena gritted her teeth as Diana increased the pressure.
"Submit to me Athena, and your arm will remain whole and undamaged. Otherwise…" Diana told Athena threateningly.
"FUCK YOU!" Athena hissed in response.
Without warning, Athena drove her elbow into Diana's abdominals. There was a forceful exhalation of air from Diana's mouth as she was forced to release her hold. Athena used one of her long legs to kick Diana in the face, knocking her to the ground.
And now Athena proved she was the quicker of the two, wrapping herself around her mother like a python before she could react. Her arms went around Diana's neck, and her long legs around Diana's waist. She began squeezing.
Diana struggled violently as she was relentlessly constricted. An evil grin spread across Athena's face.
"How about you surrender to me, you pretentious bitch?!" Athena almost screamed.
"Buffy! Stop this! They're going to kill each other!" Joyce shouted.
Buffy looked at her mom, then back at the fight, then back at her mom.
Diana painfully stood up, Athena hanging on determinedly, and wrenched Athena's ears brutally, forcing her child to start to release her and then flipped Athena over her, shattering her grip instantly and completely.
As Diana reached down for Athena, Athena violently punched her mother in the right eye! It was immediately blackened.
Staggering away, Diana was an easy target for an Athena jump kick which almost sent her back down. Athena grabbed Diana only to receive another powerful backhand to the face!
Diana began whaling on Athena with a barrage of agonizing punches to her face and stomach, her hands almost a blur! Athena went down, Diana atop her, still hitting her relentlessly!
"DIANA STOP! PLEASE STOP!" Joyce pleaded.
"SHE'S FUCKING KILLING HER JESUS!" Dawn shouted.
Diana paused her assault at what Joyce and Dawn said.
"What madness is this?! What am I doing?!" Diana whispered.
Athena took that opportunity to unleash a blow so strong it literally knocked Diana off of her!
Getting up, Athena stormed up to Diana, who was clearly dazed by Athena's attack. She raised her foot to stomp her mother's head into the dirt.
Only to find herself tackled into the grass by a determined Buffy!
Buffy held Athena down and snarled:
"What are you doing?! That's your mother! IT'S YOUR MOTHER!"
"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" Athena snapped back at Buffy. She kicked the Slayer off her, flipped to her feet, jumped over the wooden fence and ran off into the night.
But Buffy would not be dissuaded so easily.
She jumped up herself, hopped over said fence and ran after Athena in hot pursuit.
Lilith found herself tackled through a second story school window by an enraged Sandra, her old body already twisting and contorting as she underwent her awful metamorphosis. They both fell to the ground but Lilith spun them around so Sandra took the impact of the fall. As Lilith readied herself to strike, Sandra lashed out and cast Lilith from her, but Lilith simply rolled with the blow, regained her feet, and turned to face her foe.
Now finally changed, Lilith inspected her new form with a critical and measuring eye. Neil's mother had become a semi-skeletal and Gigerusque like horror. She now had four arms sporting clawed hands, and there were hooked tentacles coming from her back. Her face was now a warped almost skeletal version of the original, mouth filled with shark-like teeth.
Lilith smiled, her face shifting to vampire mode, and she whirled her sword menacingly.
With a scream, Sandra charged.
Lilith advanced and slashed through one of Sandra's tentacles! It flopped ineffectually as it fell to the earth.
Sandra cried out, but counterattacked with her claws and hooks, Lilith aggressively striking back and ducking and weaving around her determined assault.
Nearby in the gymnasium, Bellona and Artemis were battling James. He had transformed into a spider-like creature with multiple snake heads and crab claws. Those claws and heads snapped at the huge muscle-women as they dodged and parried. Artemis did a back-flip and bounced off the wall as she unleashed several arrows from her trusty bow. James shrieked as they pierced his flesh. Bellona took advantage to cleave through one of his heads and claws simultaneously with her battle-axe. They both plummeted uselessly to the floor.
Outside in the quad, Ares, Hera, and Faith were waging their own fight against Neal. He had assumed the shape of a reptilian ape-like being with one massive arm ending in a huge scythe. Neal swung at Faith with said scythe but she nimbly hopped over it. Ares took advantage of Neal's shift in attention to slam his mace into Neal's side, while Hera used her naginata to slash across Neal's thick chest.
"DAMN YOU!" Neal roared.
"FUCK YOU YOU ABANDONING BITCH!" Hera roared back.
Helen, Neptune, Apollo, Zeus, and Taryn shifted from bat form to human form as they arrived at the side of the school. They could all hear the sounds of battle and ran towards them.
As they ran forward, they all witnessed Lilith fighting some horrific monster in the front. Then they noticed Giles and Neil run out the main school doors, loaded crossbows in hand, and fire them at Lilith's enemy. The bolts struck it in the back, and it screeched in pained surprise. Whirling around, it saw Neil and Giles, and screamed out Neil's name in Sandra's voice!
Then it (she?) spotted them and vanished in a flash of crimson light!
"Damnit! Fuck!" Neptune swore as they reached the others.
Ares, Hera, and Faith appeared around the corner and sprinted towards them, Bellona and Artemis joining them a moment later.
"Yours vanish too?" Bellona asked Ares.
"Unfortunately." Ares replied to Bellona as he looked around warily.
"Fucking coward." Hera snarled.
"Neil?" Faith asked anxiously.
"Are you alright Neil?" Giles inquired worriedly.
"Neil? Shit…" Helen whispered.
Everyone turned to look at him. He was shaking. Neil collapsed to his knees, tears in his eyes.
Faith ran to him, knelt beside him, and embraced him.
The battle was over.
But the war had just begun.
Buffy walked determinedly down the dark street, looking around as she did so.
As she continued her search, Athena's voice made her grind to a halt:
"You certainly are a stubborn little thing, aren't you? Never give up."
Buffy paused, and looked to her right side as Athena emerged from the shadows under a dark tree.
"No. No, I don't." Buffy replied, as she watched the taller woman move in front of her and turn to face her.
They regarded each other for a few moments, illuminated by the moonlight.
Buffy found that she was admiring Athena's beauty despite herself. The moon really emphasized it in a stunning way. The wind gently blew both women's hair.
A shadow passed strangely over Athena's face, and her eyes became black as coals.
That made the Slayer shudder a little.
So pretty.
So evil.
"What?" Athena asked with an uncharacteristic softness, breaking into Buffy's thoughts.
"Nothing." Buffy replied quietly.
"What do you want Buffy?"
"Come back with me."
Athena scoffed at that.
"Why? For Joyce?"
"For Neil."
"Please. I'm not being in the same place as that frigid cunt that has the gall to call herself my mother."
"What is wrong with you and her? What is the issue?"
"You really want to know huh?"
"Yes."
"Alright Buffy. Here's how it is. It's story-time with Athena."
"Okay."
"See, Joyce is warm and nurturing. My mother is the opposite. She doesn't treat me like her child. She treats me like her servant, or her subject. Did you hear that bullshit about "loving submission"? Mom thinks she's a queen, or an empress, but she's not! She's so fucking arrogant, it makes me sick! I complain about your self-righteousness, but she actually has you beaten in spades! And if I don't obey? I get punished. Severely. I get slapped. I get backhanded. I get my ass kicked. And I get bullshit, like, "I am doing this for your own good Athena." or "Sometimes, words are not sufficient to instill discipline, so I must resort to pain." or how about "You are forcing me to do this. You bring it onto yourself daughter." while she's thrashing me within an inch of my life! Mommy just can't accept that I'm different from her. That I'm not the dutiful little daughter. That I'm not a fucking princess! I'M JUST ME!" Athena snapped at Buffy, causing the blonde to flinch.
Buffy stared at Athena, stunned at what she heard.
"Have you tried to talk to her about all this?!" Buffy asked.
"Tsk. Royalty doesn't listen to commoners, dear." Athena answered.
"How about Neil? Have you spoken to him about it?"
Athena hesitated.
"No." she said at last.
"You should. Come with me. Let's call him." Buffy offered.
""Fine. Whatever." Athena agreed grudgingly.
The two of them turned and started walking back to Buffy's house.
A matter of minutes later…
"Should we go with you Diana?" Joyce asked worriedly from the front porch where she stood with Dawn.
"No Joyce. Stay inside with Dawn. I will-" Diana started as she walked away from the house to find Buffy and Athena but then paused suddenly.
"What is it?" Dawn asked anxiously.
Her question was quickly answered as Buffy and Athena reappeared. Buffy and Athena walked past Diana without comment.
"Is everything okay?" Joyce asked Buffy hopefully as Buffy and Athena went inside the home.
"I hope so." Buffy replied.
They closed the front door behind them.
Joyce looked at Diana as she made her way to the porch.
"Diana?" Joyce asked nervously.
"Yes?" Diana replied, looking at Joyce.
"May I ask a question?"
"You may."
"W-Why did yo-"
"I do not know. I have disciplined my Athena many times, corporal punishment you understand, but I have never attempted to murder her, ever, in my life."
Diana looked at her hands, tarnished with her daughter's blood.
"Something is wrong."
Diana stared at Joyce and Dawn intently.
They stared back worriedly.
"But what, precisely is wrong?" Diana thought aloud.
Dark thoughts swirled in Diana's head.
And somewhere unseen…
...someone...smiled...