And after she had been inspected by Gandalf, and had been joyously received
by the group, she
went over to the elf, who sat quietly stroking Jairah's long blonde
hair. He smiled at Gwen, as she
stumbled over to him, as she was still in quite a lot of pain, though
her wounds were on the mend.
She smiled back. "How is she?" she asked, though she knew the answer.
He looked down at Jairah again, and shook his head, taking a handful
of her hair into his hand and
gently draping it over her shoulder. "I do not know." He said, sadly.
"She is asleep, now. But when
she is awake, she does not respond. She does not eat, nor speak. I
cannot find her, so far is she
hidden."
Gwen sat down next to him, and put a hand on his arm. "I know where she is hiding," she said.
Legolas' head shot up, and he fixed his gaze hard on Gwen. "What?" he asked. "How do you know?"
"I had passed over into shadow, and somehow I found my way to her. She
is hiding in her mind, in
a place she thinks is safe."
Legolas' eyes searched Gwen. "You were there, in her mind? How did you
get there? Where is she
hiding?"
"I do not know how I got there," Gwen said, truthfully. "It was a large
castle, in the middle of a large
wood. Jairah came out of nowhere, once I was inside of the castle.
A castle with magick doors, and
rooms that change." She searched his face, hoping that he'd follow
what she was saying.
He did. "My father's castle," he whispered. "Our home," He looked down
at Jairah, who slumbered
still, and he played with another lock of her hair.
Gwen nodded. "She is there, alone."
Legolas looked at Gwen sadly. "She spoke with you, then?"
Gwen nodded again. "Yes. It was her who guided me back to myself, here."
Legolas smiled sadly again, and pulled of of Jairah's hands up and kissed
it." What did she say to
you, Gwen? Did she say why she is hiding?"
Gwen sighed. "She said she does not like who she is outside of where
she is hiding. She says all
she does is kill, outside of there, and that there, she is safe."
Legolas shook his head. "What else?" he pressed. He seemed anxious, for anything that might help.
"There is not much else," Gwen said. "She then helped me, to come back
here, so that I would not
pass over into shadow fully. She helped me find the light."
Legolas looked at her, his eyes wide. "So Jairah knows where the light is?" he asked.
Gwen nodded. "Yes, she took me to two large doors, which opened up,
and the light came through
them. She told me that I needed only to walk into it, and I would come
back to myself. I asked her
to come with me."
"And what did she say?" Legolas asked.
"She said she could not come." Gwen said sadly. "She went back into
the castle and shut the doors.
I do not understand. She is alone, there. And she said that she misses
you. She had your blades in
her hands. But yet, she says she cannot come out."
"She knows where the light is, and yet she cannot come out," Legolas
mused, looking down at
Jairah again, whose eyes remained closed. Now he closed his own eyes,
in pain.
Gwen reached out and touched Legolas' arm again. "I am sorry, if I have
upset you. I just thought
you should know what I saw."
He opened his eyes. "No, Gwen. I thank you for telling me. Its just,
I do not know how to reach her.
She has hidden herself well. And now that I know where she is hiding,
I just do not know how to
get within her to convince her to come out."
And then they were silent, with sadness. Legolas' heart was the heaviest
it had ever been on this
journey. He wanted her back, for this was almost worse than having
her die.
**
Gandalf had heard the entire conversation, sitting over on the far side
of the fire, next to Merry and
Pippin. And so now he closed his eyes, and focused his thought on Jairah's
mind, which he could
see, as her body lay across from him, her head nestled against her
lover. It would not do for Jairah
to be hidden away in her mind, for she was needed out here, with the
company. Gandalf's heart told
him this. There were times ahead that Jairah was needed for, both good
and bad.
When he had reached the outer doors of Thranduil's castle, he knew he'd
reached her mind. He
moved slowly, with caution, as not to alarm her. He'd heard Gwen say
that Jairah had Legolas'
blades here, probably using them as protection against outsiders. It
made sense that she would
hold on to something that belonged to him to protect her. And though
he doubted that Jairah
would harm him, he still proceeded with caution.
Jairah heard her hallway doors open again, and once again removed the
blades from their keeping
places and moved towards the stairs. She saw the light coming from
down the stair, and was not as
wary as before. She wondered if any of her other friends had passed
over into shadow. She hoped
not, she did not want any of them here.
She moved towards the footsteps quickly, and stopped dead in her tracks
when she saw who they
belonged to.
"Gandalf!" she said, the blades in her hands clattering to the floor.
"What are you doing here? You
have not passed into shadow again, have you?"
The wizard smiled at her, and shook his head. "That was a noble thing
you did, Jairah, guiding
Gwen back towards the light."
"Then she did make it back," Jairah smiled. "I had been wondering."
She looked at Gandalf, then
bent down and picked up the blades that she had dropped. "So why have
you come, Gandalf. How
have you gotten here? Have you also been led astray?"
Gandalf shook his head. "No, Jairah." He said, following her as she
went back towards the room
from where she had come, and watched as the doors opened for her as
she approached. She
entered the room, replaced the blades again to the wall, and turned
to him. He was looking her up
and down, closely.
"Gandalf?" she asked, wondering why he was looking at her like that.
She looked down at herself,
and saw nothing out of the ordinary.
Gandalf saw different. Jairah was not dressed how she was with her body.
Here she was dressed in
black, a long, black velvet pinafore dress, with a midnight blue silk
bodice underneath. Her hair
was let loose, flowing over her shoulders and down her back, except
where it was braided in two
small braids in the very front, which were tucked behind her ears.
But was most noticeable, was the
necklace she bore, which she almost always wore against her skin. But
here it was let out on its
long chain, and hanging against her small chest, against the velvet
of her dress. And the silver of
the chain and the pendant was almost glaring.
The pendant was quite beautiful, just a simple bit of silver, the Elvish
character for eternity. It had
been a present from Legolas, quite some time ago. Gandalf had seen
it only once before, when he
had healed Jairah from the Orc wound. She almost never wore it out,
it was almost always
underneath her garments, against her skin. It was something that she
said she didn't want to share
with anyone, when she was asked about it.
She was dressed as if she was in mourning, or if she was to be laid
out for her funeral, which
troubled Gandalf. He was afraid that she perhaps had no intention of
ever leaving her mind.
"Jairah," he said now, looking into her eyes, which were searching him.
"Why are you hiding here,
child?"
She turned away from him, and went to the window, which opened for her
when she touched it.
"Because, Gandalf. I am safe here." She stared out the window at the
dark.
"You are safe out there, Jairah. Do you know how pained Legolas is,
out there, with your body? He
worries for you. Your body, it does not respond to him. It does not
eat. It barely breathes. And all
this at a time where you are needed out there, very dearly."
Jairah looked at Gandalf sharply. "Why am I needed, Gandalf? To slay
more Orcs? I have slain more
Orcs and other beasts than I care to remember on this quest. All I
do out there is kill. I do not wish
to kill anymore, whether it be enemies or not. Everytime I do, I lose
who I am. I lose who I was
before any of this happened. I hear that voice in my head telling me
that I am a killer, killer, KILLER,
Gandalf. "
Gandalf shook his head. "That is not you, Jairah. You should know the
difference between a warrior
and a killer. You are a warrior, not a killer. You have helped on this
quest more than you know, and
your skill with a bow and arrow, and your sword have saved the lives
of many. Boromir, for
instance. You helped Leila keep him alive."
Jairah didn't say anything, just looked out the window again, and sighed.
"You are needed, Jairah. You are needed by those who love you. You cannot remain hidden here."
"Yes, I can." Jairah said. "I can stay here forever." She got up from
the window, and moved past him,
and out of the room, towards the staircase again. But Gandalf was too
quick for her, and appeared
on the stairway in front of her.
"And what of the Elf-Prince?" Gandalf said, barring her way, for he
knew she was headed to hallway,
to try to push him out of her mind. "Will you let him suffer still,
without you?"
Jairah's eyes filled with tears, but she said nothing.
"One day, you two are to take the throne of Mirkwood, if such times
are to come to pass, Jairah. He
cannot do it with you hidden here. I have told you he is pained. He
is, in all respects, your husband,
and yet, you still hide here, away from him. If you cannot come out
of here for any other reason,
come out for him. You went on this quest for him. Come out for him."
The tears slipped down Jairah's face, but she still could not form words.
Gandalf's eyes strayed to
her necklace.
"Did he not give you that necklace, long ago? What does it say, tell me?"
Jairah began to sob. "Eternity…" she whispered, and took the pendant
and its long chain and
pushed it under the neck of her dress, out of sight. " But I cannot
leave here, Gandalf. Not even for
him."
And then she turned on her heel, and ran out of sight.
Gandalf sighed, and turned and walked towards the large doors that would
release him from
Jairah's mind. He knew the only thing to do would be to send Legolas
in after her.