Title: And the Feeling Returns
Author: Carrie aka Buffychick
Summary: After a phone call from her father sends Buffy to LA, light is shed on the theory that she came back "wrong."
Rating: PG-13
Archiving: Sure, but ask me first please!
Spoilers: Everything up to and including Season 6 for BtVS and Season 3 for AtS.
Feedback: Would make my life shimmer.
Website for more fanfic and other fun stuff: http://www.angelfire.com/mo3/fanfic/SMGMain.html
*~*~*
Angelus sniffed the air. "Oh yeah…she's human all right. Aren't you, bitch?" His face morphed as he spoke, his eyes glowing brightly as he approached Saria, and his gate slowed to a lazy stroll that was somehow more intimidating than had he been running right at her.
"Human. Didn't count on that," Buffy said mused, her tone flat, level. "Doesn't really change a lot for me." Unconsciously she had begun mimicking Angel's calculated walk, in the opposite direction. Together they circled in front of her like hawks over prey and Saria swallowed, almost imperceptibly. Almost.
"You should be nervous. The odds are a little less in your favor right now, sweet thing," Angel purred, eyes on the Queen, who had moved up onto a platform where her throne stood. "Much as I loathe working side by side with the blonde wonder over there, fact is, we decimated your boys here." He toed one of the dead demons in disgust and continued. "The witches aren't going to let you kill either of us, because they still have – sniff! - the hopes of saving us." He clasped his hands over his heart with mock emotion. "And there's not a damn thing you can do to them." His gaze slid slowly over Willow and Tara, savoring the sight of them. "More's the pity."
They rewarded him with scowls.
"What's up with you being human?" Buffy asked, twisting her head until the bones in her necked cracked.
Saria swallowed again and raised her nose in the air. "I have more warriors. They can be here with a snap of my fingers," she answered, dodging the question.
Buffy's eyes sparkled at the thought of a new battle. "So snap."
"She snaps and her fingers become canapés," Angelus countered. "For starters." He and Buffy were now within ten feet of the Queen now and she was showing obvious signs of internal panic.
Saria glanced back and forth between the four people in front of her. "What is it you want?"
"Release them," Tara demanded before anyone else could speak.
"Impossible," Saria snapped.
"Why?"
"Because it's not done. She is the only one to ever leave this place, to be called back to her dimension. It caused a great disruption to our world," Saria answered, stabbing a finger at Buffy.
"Trust me. Not my idea," Buffy told her, her voice steely.
Something caught Saria's gaze and she seemed to perk up. "You cannot be released. And I think my guards will have some effect on this decision," she said bravely as more demons entered the hall from the far end.
With the use of vampire speed Angelus was at her side, leaping up the four feet to the top of the platform, a wrapping a hand tightly around her throat. She cried out as one arm was pulled behind her back before she had time to blink. "Stop!" Angelus called between clenched teeth, his voice sounding loud, and very deadly. The troops halted their advances.
"You know what I'm thinking?" he asked, leaning in to scrape a fang over her neck. "I'm thinking I just kill you, and they make me King. Whaddya think about that? I look damn fine in a crown."
Saria's eyes were wide with panic and pain and Angelus tightened his grip on her throat. She tried to speak, but no air was reaching her lungs.
Angelus loosened his grip. "What was that? Abdicating in my favor?"
"You don't want to live here," Saria rasped.
"Why's that now? You know…come to think of it, I could just turn you…then you can be at my side. My faithful Queen. We'll feed…we'll laugh…we'll…play," he murmured suggestively.
"You don't want to live here," she struggled to say. "No…humans…here."
He loosened his grip more, a little taken back. "Say that again?"
Saria gulped in a deep breath of fresh air. "I'm the only human on this Plane. The Teplir are the indigenous species. I'm the only one."
"She is telling the truth, Angelus," one of the demons called out. Buffy recognized his voice. It was one of the demons that had pushed him into the portal. "She is the only human, our Queen."
"What?" Willow asked.
"I'm the only one," Saria snapped. "You'd have nothing to eat, unless you fancy Teplir blood, and I've been told it's foul."
"So, we're all road-tripping. Grand," Buffy scowled at Angelus.
"No one is leaving," Saria corrected. "You cannot."
Buffy's eyes narrowed. "You're very wrong."
"Give them back their souls!" Tara begged. "Please. You're human…why are you doing this?"
Saria's eyes moved to hers. "It is the life-force of my people. Like air is to yours, to my own. The energy of souls keeps the Teplir alive, as it has been for thousands of years. Strong souls are sought out, but yours found us."
"So it's a power trip," Willow spat out.
"Look, I wasn't searching the want ads for just any portal to jump through, Queenie," Buffy scowled. "I was doing my job, like any Slayer would have done. Can't help it if I happened to end up here."
Saria gave a dismissive wave of her. "That may be. However, the facts are the facts. You came here, to us, willingly, which is the only criteria for the procedure."
"Yeah, and you kept her happy by feeding her an image of heaven!" Willow cried angrily.
Saria considered. "You would do what is necessary to secure the fate of your people, yes? I am doing nothing more than that."
"Except your little plan's gotten interrupted twice now, and that's not exactly textbook is it?" Angelus growled. "Gotta say…you can keep my soul, honey. It's all yours."
"Shut up, Angelus," Willow snapped, stepping forward. "Look, your Highness. You can't have them. You don't understand. This is the Slayer. And he's…all-important vampire-with-a-soul-every-thing-I-do-is-prophesied guy. They're key players in our world. And we need them. You don't. Get some other souls, I don't care! But you can't have theirs. Now…Give. Them. Back."
For a moment everyone was quiet, stunned by the red head's outburst.
"I'm sorry. It's impossible," Saria told her.
Willow stared at her for a moment, then turned to Tara. A look passed between the two women.
You know what we have to do, Tara's mind whispered to Willow's.
Willow nodded. It will wipe us out. Our magical energies will be tapped, for who knows how long.
Tara took Willow's hand and squeezed it. We can do it. I know we can. And we have to. We can't leave them here like this.
I know.
I have to go for a moment…someone needs to go back and warn the others that when we return, Angel's not himself anymore.
Willow's eyes opened in panic. You're leaving me? Here? Alone?
Tara smiled gently and stroked one hand along Willow's cheek. Just for a moment, I promise. I'd let you go, but you're not strong enough in the astral world for that. Traveling takes so much control…you wouldn't have enough left to perform the spell to bring them back.
Willow looked disappointed and Tara, breaking off the mind-speak, was quick to reassure her. "You've done so well, Will…especially since you haven't been practicing lately. You're the strongest witch I've ever known. Stronger than my mom was."
Tara's words didn't fall on deaf ears. "Really?" Willow asked, knowing what a compliment this truly was.
Tara nodded. "I promise." She squeezed her hand again, and tugged on the scarf Willow wore around her neck. "I'll bring this back, okay?" she said, holding it up. "I'll find you."
Willow nodded shakily and watched as Tara stepped back and closed her eyes. In a moment she began to fade until she had completely disappeared.
"Where did she go?" Buffy demanded. "You two are so big with the orders…'Don't kill him,' 'We've got to get back to our world,' and now she leaves?"
"She'll be back, Buffy. In just a minute," Willow assured her. She turned back to Angelus, still holding Queen Saria captive, and then to the horde of demons being her, waiting to attack.
"In just a minute," she repeated.
*~*~*
With a gasp, Tara reentered her body and her eyes flew open. She sat up quickly, getting her bearings.
"What happened!?" Dawn cried, flying to her side.
"Are you okay?" Gunn asked.
"Where's Willow? Why isn't she waking up?" Xander asked.
Tara took a deep breath. "She's fine. I'm going back. Buffy and Angel are okay…except that Angel's Angelus and Buffy's sorta…worse than before."
"Worse? How worse?" Xander asked.
"Just worse. I don't have time right now, I left them there, alone, to warn you. Angel's Angelus. Will and I are going to perform a spell to bring them back to this plane, but it's difficult and really complicated. Inter-dimensional traveling is very advanced, even for two witches channeling their magics. We won't be any good to you when we come back."
"What are you saying?" Dawn asked, tears in her eyes.
"She's saying Angel's all rowdy and we need to be ready for his big arrival 'cause she and Willow aren't going to be able to save our butts. Do I got ya?" Gunn asked.
Tara nodded.
"I feel you. We'll be ready," he said, his tone dead serious.
"I've gotta go. Just be ready. Don't let him get away. Tie them up, chain them up, whatever. But keep them here," Tara pleaded.
"Go on!" Cordelia cried. "Bring them back!"
Tara glanced once again at her friends and the newcomers, to Fred standing worriedly in the background, to the lone Teplir, still tied tightly in the back of the shop, to Wesley, standing guard over little Connor's punkin' seat. Nodding at them all, she lay back on the table and steadied her breathing, calming herself.
*~*~*
"This is boring," Angelus complained. "And I'm hungry." He grinned at Buffy. "Whaddya say, Buff? Gimme a taste for old times sake?"
She cocked her head, unemotional. "If you want to bring up old times…how about I ram a sword through your gut and send you to Hell? That something you're looking to relive?"
He continued to grin at her. "I think we all know you couldn't kill me again."
"The old her couldn't kill you again," Willow corrected snidely. "I don't know what soulless Buffy's capable of."
"She's not soulless," Saria corrected.
All three sets of eyes moved to hers. "What?" Willow asked.
"She's not soulless. You interrupted the ritual, again."
Willow shook her head, realizing the implications of what Saria was saying. "So there's no Buffy left in there. There's Slayer. Just Slayer."
"Interesting," Angelus mused. "No more, 'woah-is-me, fight the good fight' Buffy, eh?"
Buffy was unmoved. "I feel fine. Clearer, actually, if you want to know the truth."
"The ritual was stopped. The part of her soul that was Buffy Summers, the mortal, is gone, with us now. The remaining part, the soul that is Buffy Summers, the Slayer, is partially extracted. Hers did not come to us as easily as your did," Saria said bravely, considering Angelus still had a strong hold on her, and she was one of two available snacks on this plane.
"So she's not even full-Slayer?" Willow asked.
Saria glanced at her. "Not entirely, no."
Buffy considered this as she tossed her stake from hand to hand. Suddenly she launched it backwards and it embedded itself in the forehead of one of the awaiting demons. The demon didn't even have a chance to cry out in pain before he sunk to the ground, utterly dead.
Willow gasped.
"Don't seem to being too bad if you ask me," Buffy said simply.
Saria watched, impassively, as the demon died at the Slayer's hand. "Your Slayer abilities, even diminished, are stronger now than they ever were when your body was occupied by your human soul. Your human soul restrains your true power, your actual aptitudes. It inhibits you. Without your mortal soul, you would be almost unstoppable. You don't need it."
"You're saying that just so she lets you keep her soul!" Willow accused.
The Queen ignored her. "She senses it. She knows it's true," Saria countered, her eyes steady on Buffy's. "Feel it," she nodded, encouraging. "You're stronger now than you ever were when you had emotions burdening you, plaguing your mind. Without them holding you down you can be what a Slayer is truly meant to be…a fighter."
"Without a conscience," Willow stated flatly. "She'd be a killer. No better than Angelus, or Spike."
"Wrong," Saria snapped. "A vampire, while soulless, is a killer because there is a demon raging inside them, forcing their hand. It tips the scales. Not having a soul simply means a being is without essence, without conscience. Without remorse."
"You mean without joy," Willow countered angrily.
"Like the first Slayer," Buffy mused softly, ignoring Willow. "Just the hunt, only the kill. No friends. No family. No love."
"Hindrances," Saria sniffed. "Holding you back."
Buffy seemed to consider this for a moment. "Back to my roots. Almost like I should thank you. I've got this whole clarity thing going on. All black & white, no gray anymore."
"Now you're coming around," Angelus said, grinning happily at the turn of events.
Willow ran to her friend. "Buffy, she's trying to strike a deal with you. She knows we're going to get you out of here. She knows it. She's trying to make you think that if you let her keep your mortal soul, which I know is stronger than the Slayer-part on any day, that you'll be happy. But you won't! You won't be anything! You won't feel anything, ever! You'll go through life without ever really laughing again, a good belly-laugh like that time Xander spit chocolate milk out of his nose and it hit Principal Snyder right on the back of his bald head."
Willow paused for a moment, letting her words sink in, and took another step towards Buffy. Her eyes were huge with concern and determination. "We'll never cry at sad movies together, or take in a great day at the park, swinging on swings like we're four-years-old again. You won't ever hug Dawn again and really feel the love that she has for you. Buffy," she pleaded, moving to stand directly in front of her friend, tears welling in her eyes. "You won't truly remember your mom, and how much you loved her, how much you cared for her, and how much she wanted you to go on with your life, to live…for her."
Buffy stared at her best friend for a minute, then another. Live…for her…the words sounded so clearly in her head. She couldn't remember exactly how it had felt…of those times Willow mentioned, or the hundreds more that she now recalled in her mind. She remembered them, but she couldn't feel them now, like you can with a really great memory…how you can conjure up almost the exact feeling of euphoria or sadness, or anger or any emotion… Just thinking of those times brought back nothing for her. They were just times, events. Things she'd done.
And then Buffy shrugged. "Suits me fine," she told Willow, and jumped straight up in the air, flipping forward and wrestling the Queen from Angelus' arms. With a smirk, Buffy locked Saria's arms to her sides and shoved their faces nose to nose. "But you're starting to annoy me." She swung out, bloodying Saria's nose and knocking her to the ground.
And then Buffy turned on Angel. "Let's give it a go."
Angelus grinned. "Been waiting," he answered. Faking to the left he caught her right cheek with a punch, then kicked out, sweeping to knock her legs out from under her. She anticipated his move and jumped up and in, avoiding his kick, but knocking him back and off the platform, into the waiting arms of the Teplir.
"Now we're talkin!" Angelus called, scrambling to his feet and then ducking to avoid the swing of an ax, wielded by a Teplir guard.
Buffy dove off the platform and into the mix.
"No! Aagh…stop!" Willow cried, grasping both sides of her head in frustration. She zinged off a few spells, trying to help out, but the room was nothing but chaos and it was impossible to see what was going on. She began to jump into the air, trying desperately to fly and gain a better vantagepoint.
Suddenly a hand slipped into hers.
"Rise!" Tara cried and they immediately rose off the ground, clasping each other's hand firmly in their own. Two sets of eyes went jet black as dark power filled them. Together they began to channel their most dangerous magics, manifesting them into one supreme element.
"Off," Tara hissed, motioning with her hand, and two demons that had knocked Angelus to the ground suddenly flew back against a wall and crumpled to the floor.
"Fuegas!" Willow howled, producing a ball of fire and hurling it at a cluster of Teplir headed for Buffy.
"Disperta!" Tara shouted angrily, aiming her inky gaze at yet another division of the army, causing them to shoot backwards, falling to the ground.
Below them Angelus and Buffy were kicking and punching their ways through the crowd of demons, unconsciously working together and separately enjoying a good fight, even if the odds were thirty, maybe forty to two. The Queen, lying on the ground, half-conscious, struggled to pull herself backwards, against the wall and as out of the way as possible. Blood trickled from her nose and mouth, staining her cotton-white dress. The smell of it was like Pavlov's bell and instantly Angelus began moving towards her.
"Rise," Tara's voice sounded inside his head as he kicked out, knocking two Teplir into each other and out of his way. With no warning he felt his body lift off the ground.
"What?!" he cried, then glared angrily at the witches, floating some twenty feet away from him. To his right, Buffy too began to levitate above the din, protesting loudly. The Teplir swarmed around their Queen, protecting her.
"Don't think so," Willow hissed, and summoned all her control, holding it in a ball, welled in her chest. Saria began to rise off the floor, limp from her injuries. Her minions danced around her, crying out her name, clutching at her robes, but it did no good. "One for the road," Willow seethed, and turned to Tara.
"We have to travel with them," Tara told her. "Or the magic will get out of control."
Willow nodded. "Fine by me," she rasped.
Tara began. "Mala, Keeper of the Roads, we seek access to the regions beyond."
"Allow us entry and guide us safe!" Willow followed as a powerful wind began to kick up, whirling in a funnel cloud around them.
Tara shouted the next part to be heard above the din. "Five seek the Path, entry to our time, trembling at your name!"
"We beseech thee, Guardian of the Way, take us now!" Willow called and suddenly felt as if her body was being sucked down a drain. She heard the cries of Tara, Saria, Buffy and Angelus around her, but was unable to do anything to soothe them. And then it stopped.
She opened her eyes to find herself as she'd left, lying on the table next to a shaking Tara. Sitting up she spun around wildly, looking for their companions. They were behind them, all three lying on the ground, unconscious.
"You made it!" Dawn cried, rushing forward to engulf Tara, then Willow, in massive hugs.
"Yeah," Willow nodded, unsteady and still trying to catch her breath. She moved to stand and realized almost too late that her legs wouldn't hold her. Xander caught her just in time.
"Woah, there, little lady," he teased, though it was obvious he was worried about her. "Take it easy."
"We'll be…out of it…for a while," Tara gasped, her breath still coming quickly. She closed her eyes to block out the dizziness.
"I didn't know…I had no idea…that was…that was…" Willow stammered.
"Powerful," Tara finished, meeting the red head's eyes.
Willow nodded in agreement and shifted on the table. "We have to get them tied up. All of them."
"Even Buffy?" Cordelia asked.
Tara and Willow exchanged a glance. "It might not be a bad idea," Tara told them. "It will keep her from killing Angel at least."
Wesley cocked an eyebrow. "That bad, eh?"
The witches didn't answer him and everyone began to move around, preparing for when their friends woke.
Anya raised her hand. "Can I ask a question?"
The group stopped and turned to see her toeing the Queen uneasily.
"Who exactly is this?"