By Sorceress Quisty
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Sorry to my fans! I have not died! I am not Aeris, either, but I do think Sephy is really cute. (J) I have been on swim team, cut my hair, played Tales of Destiny (the first one, I've had it for 4 years), and have come up with various excuses for not working on my Fanfic. Oops, I'm doing that now.
Once again, thanks for the reviews. I can only write humor when I'm happy, and you don't wanna see my attempt at writing angst. I've decided to do the next four chapters centering on one pair each (This is the Room 1 chapter), and then have a chapter about them all. Then I'll let my readers vote on the winner, and do a final chapter and epilogue based on the results. Another note: just because two characters are placed together doesn't mean they're a couple! For example, this is not a Quistis + Squall. The ending was so sweet (it made me cry ;_;) and it shows that Squall and Rinoa are meant to stay together 4-ever! Plus, Rinoa is my second favorite character (Squall is third). However, 'roommates aren't couples' doesn't ALWAYS apply… but since the name of this chapter is translated as "Fuu-chan of love", you probably already figured that out. I don't really like splitting up in-game couples (that's an understatement), but me and my friend came up with this on a sugar high, and I couldn't resist using it.
Updated Disclaimer: I don't own any anime that Fujin may talk about (I'm not making any of them up, either. You'd be surprised at how weird some anime names are.) I don't own the song "Ai No Senshi" (it's from Sailor Moon). I apologize to people who don't like anime and have to put up with Fujin speak. This chapter is supposed to be funny because one doesn't know what she's talking about, but I guess it would have a special meaning to anime fans, too.
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Roommates Recap:
Contestant Deaths: 1
Roommates Staff Deaths: 0
Long Term Relationships Ended: 0
III. Ai No Fuu-chan
At 12:01 AM, Day Four, we find the contestants asleep in their beds…
In Room 1:
"… FUSHIGI YUUGI…" mumbled Fujin in her sleep, clutching a comic. "…SAILOR MOON… RAYEARTH… SAILOR MOON R… YUYU HAKUSHO… SAILOR MOON S… TENCHI MUYO… SAILOR MOON. SUPER S… INUYASHA… SAILOR MOON STARS…"
"...Fuu-chan…" murmured Zell in his sleep, blushing as red as a tomato. "… I bought you… a new comic…"
"NO! DEMON! EVIL! RAGE!" yelled Fujin, in her dream kicking a demon, but in reality accidentally kicking Zell. "…OUTLAW STAR…"
In Room 2:
"…Irvine!…" murmured Selphie. "…Thank you for the roses!…"
"…Selphie …Go away…" mumbled Irvine. "…I don't love you…I wanna ride the pink pony…"
In Room 3:
"…Squall…" mumbled Quistis. "…Will you marry me… I DO!"
"…I love you… Rinoa…" murmured Squall.
In Room 4:
"…Squall…" mumbled Rinoa.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" yelled Seifer, apparently not asleep. Guess the narrative was wrong. "Fujin deserted me! When I was killed by a piano, she did absolutely nothing! Never mind that she was bound and gagged and probably really tired from running a race bound and gagged. But revenge will be mine! She will never forget me, Seifer! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
6 hours later…
In Room 1:
Zell woke up. Fujin was gone. "Oh well," he said to himself. "She's probably in the Roommates library, getting the latest copy of Fushigi Yuyu or Yuugi Hakusho. (Author's note: It's supposed to be Fushigi Yuugi and Yuyu Hakusho, not the other way around!) I know! I'll surprise her by cooking breakfast!" To Zell's credit, the food was very good, given that the Roommates staff hadn't given them much to work with. Apparently, they weren't very good at remembering to feed the contestants. Those kind of people really shouldn't have pets. Half an hour later, the food had gone cold, the soufflé had collapsed, and Zell was pacing the room back and forth, worried about Fuu-chan. "Ohmygosh! She could be injured! Or killed! Or completely absorbed in a huge anime comic, obliviously starving to death as she reads it again and again and again and again… I gotta save her!"
In the Roommates Library:
Two burly staff workers carried a heavy box of manga comics to the front desk. Written on one side of the box was "Reserved for Fujin Kazeno". Suddenly, Zell rushed in, brushing against the box and knocking it onto the workers, who were crushed. "FUU-CHAN!" yelled Zell. "Have you seen Fuu-chan?" Zell asked the librarian.
"You mean Ms. Kazeno?" asked the bored librarian. "No, she's usually here by now, demanding comics. Well, I guess that means I can be the first to read Tenchi Muyo Volume 11…" Zell rushed out, thinking that the librarian wouldn't be any help.
In Room 2:
Selphie found herself shaken awake. She looked up, and about three inches away from her face was Zell.
"FUU-CHAN!"
"Zell! What's going on?!"
"You've gotta come quick! There's a problem in Room 1!" Zell shouted.
"Say it, don't spray it! And I'm not leaving Irvine!"
"You've gotten yourself into a Soi and Nakago type relationship!"
"It's about Fujin, right?!" asked Selphie, thinking, I've heard that term twice this week! Who ARE those people?
"FUU-CHAN IS MISSING!" yelled Zell.
"Uh, okay, let's go find her!" murmured Selphie.
In Room 3:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" came a scream from outside the door.
"What is it?" muttered Quistis. "Oh well, I'll get the door so Squall doesn't have to." She opened the door and was met by two panicking SeeDs.
"FUJIN IS MISSING!" yelled Selphie.
"FUU-CHAN!" yelled Zell.
"SQUALL-SAMA!" yelled Quistis. "Sorry about that. I fell asleep again and started to dream because I'm used to actual sleep."
"You dream about Squall?!" said Selphie. "Eeeew!"
"Quistis, you're in a…" started Zell.
"Soi and Nakago type relationship!" finished Zell and Selphie together.
"I'm not! Squall will love me someday…" trailed off Quistis. (Sure you're not.)
"Just help us find Fujin!" said Selphie.
From the Journal of Quistis:
***
Day 4, 6:45: Squall, oh Squall, why don't you love me? Why do you love Rinoa and not me? ANY sorceress could have brought you back to life! Who are Soi and Nakago? Is that an anime couple that eventually got together? Then as an instructor of Balamb Garden, I will NOT let it offend me. WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME, SQUALL? WHY NOT ME?
Fujin is missing. We have gathered evidence. It isn't Zell, because he loves Fujin. It isn't Selphie, because she would have left something obvious at the scene of the crime. It isn't Irvine, because we heard him dreaming at the intro to this chapter. It can't be Squall because he wouldn't do something like that. It isn't me, duh. It can't be Rinoa, because even though Squall should have chosen me, Rinoa is still my friend and is not evil. I can't even imagine Seifer doing evil. Sicko, yes. Evil, no. Oh well. There is new anime at the library, and it will eventually drive Fujin home.
***
In Room 4:
Seifer was stuffing something blue down the laundry chute. Suddenly, he heard something slamming against the door. The sound came from Quistis, Zell, and Selphie, who were throwing themselves at the door because it was locked. The only way to make Zell shut up was to give him back his Fuu-chan, and a little pain was nothing compared to hearing Zell talk about anime all day.
"whatisit?" mumbled Rinoa, who was waking up. "Never mind. I'll get it." Rinoa opened up the door and was knocked over by Zell, Quistis, and Selphie.
"FUJIN'S GONE!" yelled Quistis.
"FUJIN IS MISSING!" yelled Selphie.
"FUU-CHAN!" yelled Zell.
"Ohmygosh!" said Rinoa as she got up. "We gotta find her!"
In the Staff Room:
"You see, Fujin is gone!" explained Rinoa to the producer.
"FUJIN'S GONE!" shouted Quistis.
"FUJIN IS MISSING!" shouted Selphie.
"FUU-CHAN!" yelled Zell.
"I don't see what can be done about it," said the producer. "Zell, you have permission to compete alone in the challenge today. Everybody competes alone in THIS challenge. It's in five minutes, and the prize is legal ownership over your roommate."
I could make Squall love me, thought Quistis.
I could make Irvine love me, thought Selphie.
I could make Seifer hate me, thought Rinoa.
"I can't betray my Fuu-chan," said Zell.
"Huh?" said everyone but Zell.
"If I go to the challenge," said Zell, "I won't be able to look for Fuu-chan. She could be SCARED and ALONE, and I gotta save her!" He ran out of the room.
Aww, what nice SAPPY romantic romance! Yay!
In the Roommates Laundry Room:
Fujin woke up. She found herself inside a laundry basket, as if she had been stuffed down the Room 4 laundry chute and happened to land right there, which is quite similar to what actually happened. She looked around at the other stuff that Seifer had chosen to "hide" by throwing down the laundry chute. Apparently, Seifer didn't know that the Roommates staff collected the laundry to be washed each day. In fact, Fujin was in danger of being laundered, because to an underpaid staff member in the dark, a one-eyed Disciplinary Committee girl looks almost exactly like, oh, a trench coat. She noticed she was sitting on something… leathery. As you Roommates fans may have guessed, the leathery object was Irvine's pants. There were all kinds of smuggled luxury items in the laundry room, including something that looked like a cowboy hat. Fujin got up and walked around a bit. She realized that, although she had no way to escape the laundry room, she could see whatever was going on in Room 1, Room 2, and Room 4. However, nobody was in their rooms.
"CHALLENGE MISSED!" said Fujin, although it didn't really bother her that much, since Zell would be suffering. Fujin might not ever win a Miss Balamb Garden beauty pageant, but she was able to survive if stranded in a laundry room. In fact, she always kept a water bottle and Sailor Moon Volume 23 with her just in case of such an event. But… the pages of her comic book were torn out and replaced with love letters from Seifer. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Fujin screamed.
At the Challenge:
"Okaaaaaaaaay!" yelled the producer. "We need some publicity photos because nobody is watching our show…"
Well, duh! That's because it's a Fanfic!
"Well, in FFVIII land, it's a show! Wait a minute, I'm the producer, I don't have to take orders from you!"
I'm the author, and I can turn you into a frog if I so wish!
"Anyway," said the producer, "Enough with that Quisty girl. Your challenge is to smile while we take photos of you! Last person smiling wins!"
"Really?!" asked Selphie. "I'm really good at that!"
"Yes, Selphie," croaked the producer, who was now mysteriously a frog. "Go!"
Back in Room 1:
Fujin was in no imminent danger of being rescued, since Zell was still looking under the couch. He saw a year old slice of pizza, but no Fujin. Next, he decided to look under the TV. He saw nothing but a squished rodent.
This continues for quite some time. Meanwhile, a smiling competition led by a frog also continues for quite some time. At noon, Day 5, it's down to Rinoa and Selphie.
At the Challenge:
"I… can't… take it anymore!" gasped Rinoa, finally not smiling. Selphie jumped up and down to celebrate her victory, still smiling.
"You can stop smiling now," croaked the producer.
"I never stop smiling!" said Selphie. "And now Irvine is mine!!!"
"Not anymore," the producer frog croaked. "Your legal ownership of him was only for five seconds."
"Oh well!" said Selphie. "It can't bring me down!"
Okay, I'm bored with frogs. The producer is back to normal. I hope he learned his lesson.
The producer stuck out his tongue and ate a fly. It looks like he hasn't realized he's back to normal yet.
From the Journal of Quistis:
***
Day 5, 12:05 PM- This is horrible. This is awful. This is terrible. This is horribly terribly awful. Our producer thinks he is a frog. Fujin is missing. Zell hasn't showed up for the challenge. I don't think I'll be able to last another day. This cannot get any worse.
Day 5, 5:00 PM- Cancel that. Things have gotten worse. Seifer is guarding the laundry room. We can't deposit our laundry in the bin like we were told. What will happen? What will we do without laundry service, and without Fujin to compare the whole thing to some anime? I bet Fujin could even find an anime meaning in her own kidnapping. But Fujin is gone, and Zell is missing. Will life in Roommates ever be the same?
***
Will Fujin ever get out of the laundry room?
Will Zell find his Fuu-Chan?
Will the gang ever be able to get their laundry done?
Will Sorceress Quisty let the producer know he's human again?
And what will happen on…
Roommates?
Find out next time, on…
Ai No Fuu-Chan Part II