Three:
"Kat, there's something I need to tell you...." Tommy had begun, and Katherine wished she could banish his voice from her head and the words from her memory. She could do neither.
She had been expecting to have a conversation with Tommy about their relationship ever since Divatox had revealed who her hostages had been. She had seen the look on her boyfriend's face when he saw Kimberly in the monitor. Though he had quickly regained control of his surging emotions, that brief flash had been enough to confirm that he still had some pretty deep feelings for the captive gymnast. Throughout her relationship with the Red Ranger, Kat had to contend with the ghost of his ex-girlfriend, and she had never understood why he would cling to a woman who had left him for another. There was no reason to hang on to Kimberly when Tommy could have had any woman he wanted.
"You're probably wondering why I still want to be with Kim even after everything she did. The thing is, I've never told any of you guys the real reason she sent that letter... nobody else knows...."
She knew now and wished she didn't.
Tommy didn't want another girlfriend; he wanted a boyfriend, and she just couldn't believe it. That was why she was standing outside Kimberly's motel room trying to work up the courage to knock. The stunned young woman felt tears threatening again, and she hastily scrubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. Katherine was surprised she had any left after crying herself out in Tanya's arms last night after Tommy's departure.
This can't be happening to me! It's just not fair! Why can't Tommy and I have a chance to be happy together? she raged inwardly, using her anger to keep her tears in check. It had been hard enough competing with another woman for Tommy's affection, but another man...?
What's that joke? All the good men are either married or gay, she reflected with a touch of bitterness. Tommy was as good as both!
"Katherine?"
Her thoughts were disrupted by the surprised greeting. The Pink Ranger looked up to see her predecessor coming down the corridor; she was dressed in a swimsuit, a towel wrapped about her hips.
"Hi, Kim," she responded in an unsteady voice.
"What's wrong?" Kimberly asked, her words laced with genuine concern as she took in the dark circles and red puffiness about the eyes and the stricken expression on her companion's pallid face.
For a moment, Kat didn't answer. Only the other night she had wanted to lash out at the former Pink Ranger for bringing Tommy more pain and disrupting their relationship, and now she was turning to her... for what? Confirmation? Denial? Solace?
"C-can we talk?" she asked at last, fumbling over the words.
The gymnast touched her arm in sympathy and smiled kindly.
"Tommy told you," she said with quiet certainty.
Kat didn't trust her composure, so she simply nodded, wondering at the sureness with which Kim made her claim. Without another word, the petite young woman unlocked the door and ushered them both inside.
Kimberly directed Kat to have a seat on the bed, and the blonde waited as her companion pulled on her bathrobe over her still-damp suit.
"How'd you know...?" Kat ventured at last.
"What was troubling you? Because I looked just the same way you do now the day Tommy told me," Kim said gently, taking a seat on the bed, too.
"So it's true?" It was all Kat could think to ask, her eyes pleading with the woman across from her to say it was all some cruel joke. The brunette merely smiled sadly and nodded her head.
"And you knew this the whole time you were dating Tommy?"
"Not quite the whole time --he told me not too long after we first began going out-- but close enough for it not to matter."
"How could you date him knowing he was in love with Jason?"
"He told you that?" Kim gasped in complete astonishment. "I didn't think he'd ever tell anyone else that it was Jason.... he's always been so afraid of Jase finding out...." Her mind was racing. How could Tommy slip up like that after all this time?
"He didn't want to tell me," Kat confessed sheepishly, staring down at her folded hands. They were clasped so tightly together, her knuckles were white. "I was so hurt and angry... I thought he was just being a coward and concocting some cockamamie story to break up with me. If I'd have stopped to think about it rationally, I'd have known that he was serious. Tommy isn't the sort to lie... I just wasn't feeling very rational at that moment. I demanded he tell me who it was." She raised her eyes heavenward. "God! I wish I hadn't asked. It was like stripping his soul bare, and he looked at me as if I'd just asked him to betray his best friend. Maybe, in a way, I did."
"I don't think he'd intended to tell me about Jason either," Kim said, understanding exactly what Kat was going through: the shock, the anger, the denial.... "I think, though, that he had to tell me. He'd told me he was gay because he couldn't keep lying to me, but I believe he told me about Jason because if he didn't tell someone he was going to burst. I guess he really needed a confidante to share his feelings with. In spite of everything that's happened, I've always been glad that he thought enough of me to trust me with his secret."
Kim's words brought Kat's whirling thoughts up short. Gay? He told me he was bi.... She noticed Kim's expression had become distant, and a fond smile touched her lips. She was beginning to see that Kimberly was as much in need to share this secret as Tommy had ever been.
"In those early days after he first told me, I can remember how Tommy would come to me and gush about Jason," Kim began with a quiet chuckle. Suddenly feeling the need to do more than just sit there, she reached for her brush on the nightstand and began working it through her damp tangles. "He didn't do it to be mean or rub it in or anything. He was in love and just so happy to be allowed to show it. He was as bad as Trini or Aisha telling me all about a hunk they'd seen at the mall! It was kind of weird and kind of cute. It hurt sometimes that I wasn't the one he was in love with, but I was also really happy for him. How can you not be when someone is so happy? And I was sad, too, that nothing would ever come of it for him.
"There was this one time he and I were waiting for the others in the park, and this really gorgeous guy wearing nothing but his shoes and a very short pair of running shorts came by. Tommy and I turned at the exact same moment to get a second look, then sighed longingly. When we realized what we had done, we laughed ourselves silly."
Kat couldn't hold back a smile at the mental picture that evoked. However, Kim's wistful grin faded.
"After a while, he didn't do it as much," the former Ranger sighed, abandoning her hairbrush. "I don't know why. Maybe he got to feeling self-conscious again. Maybe he saw that it hurt me...."
Maybe he realized that he was falling in love with you, Kat mused. Aloud, she said, "Why did you do it? It had to be hell for you to be with him, knowing he was in love with someone else." Any more than it had been easy for her dating Tommy, knowing how much he still cared for Kim.
"It wasn't all bad," Kim hastened to correct her. "Tommy and I got along really well and had a lot of fun together. Probably because there was no pressure to try and impress each other. Oh, I liked dressing up for him, and he liked doing nice, thoughtful things for me. It was just that we weren't doing those things because we felt like we had to, to win and keep the other's affection."
The Pink Turbo Ranger understood what Kim was trying to convey: that need to always show your best to the object of your desire, to never let him see that you were less than perfect. She was as guilty of doing that as anyone.
"The only time it was bad was when I remembered that things weren't as they seemed... it was so easy to forget that none of it was real, sometimes." Absently, Kim claimed one of the pillows and hugged it to her chest, rocking back and forth gently.
"Why did I do it?" she reiterated, getting back to Kat's question. "Because the minute I laid eyes on Tommy, I fell in love with him, and there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him.
"He gave me opportunities to back out if I wanted to," she continued with a heavy sigh, "but I never took him up on them --until I'd gone to Florida. I was hopelessly in love, and I honestly believed that I could make him straight... make him love me... if only I was patient and stood by him. I even had fantasies of making love to him to make him forget all about Jason...." She shook her head in disbelief, giving herself a reproachful snort. "I was so naive... so blind. It took me a long time to realize that that would never happen --and even longer to accept it. I think I had my first glimmer of the truth when Jason left for the peace conference.
"Tommy was really shaken up by Jason's departure --on top of dealing with his new powers and responsibilities as team leader. He was so afraid that he'd lose Jason... that they wouldn't remain friends. He felt abandoned. I remember sitting in his room, holding him while he talked. I think that's when I realized that Tommy had more than a crush... that it wasn't a phase or something that could be 'cured.' I began to see that Jason would always have a special place in Tommy's heart.
"I thought about breaking up with him then; without Jase around, Tommy didn't need a fake girlfriend to hide behind, and I didn't want to be a substitute for Jason forever, but I just couldn't bring myself to abandon him, too. He needed me, so I hung on.
"Pretty pathetic, huh?" Kim snapped with self-directed censure. "We were both pathetic; we both loved someone who could never love us back, and we were willing to settle for whatever kind of relationship we could get with the one we loved."
Kat was taken aback by Kimberly's harsh summation. How could she possibly not see that Tommy had been as much in love with her as he had been with Jason? He never treated anyone with the patience and consideration, friendship and respect he'd shown her. Anyone who saw them together could see the love between them --even Zedd and Rita! So why couldn't Kim?
Because Tommy had told her it wasn't love, and she believed him. She had no reason not to.
Katherine wanted to shake some sense into her stubbornly blind companion. Kim had to know in her heart that Tommy cared for her. It didn't matter how much her head told her otherwise; if there had been nothing more than smoke between the pair, she wouldn't have stayed so long. There had always been a faint flicker of hope that the petite brunette had clung to. What had doused that tiny flame?
"What about your last Christmas at home? While I wasn't around much, Aisha told me all about the Christmas party at the Youth Center and how chummy the two of you looked under the mistletoe...."
"I know," Kim said quietly, her voice beginning to crack. "Since I'd first told Tommy about having to move to Paris, I'd noticed something different about him... about our relationship. It seemed like the two of us had never been closer. I thought that maybe, just maybe, he had finally learned to love me." Kim made a rueful face as she qualified, "The way I'd always hoped he would, you know?" Then she continued past her own interjection. "Especially after Zedd had stolen my powers. I nearly turned Coach Schmidt down because I didn't want anything to ruin my chances of having a real relationship with Tommy. That Christmas had been so wonderful....
"I had just returned to Florida when I had gotten a call from Tommy. He asked me what I thought about him telling Jason the truth. I don't know why, but when he said that, it felt as if Zedd was squeezing my heart in his cold fist. Still, I told him that I thought it'd be the best thing he could do. Then came the kicker. His parents had bought him a round trip ticket to Geneva so he could go visit Jason. Tommy was so excited, and then he started getting all nervous and worried about whether he should say anything while he was there, and he kept going on and on about how good it would be to see Jason after so long.... It was just too much. I knew then that I couldn't keep fooling myself.
"So, I wrote the letter. I thought it'd be easy since I was so tired of playing the game... it was something I should have done a long time ago.... Writing that lie was the hardest thing I'd ever done. I don't know how many times I started it then crumpled it up or almost talked myself out of sending it. I take that back... the hardest thing I'd ever done was actually dropping the thing in the mailbox.
"I thought I'd be relieved that it was over at last. I should have been happy to be free, but... oh, God, Kat...!"
Kim finally broke down, and Kat was next to her in an instant, wrapping her devastated friend tightly in her arms as the young woman cried. It was ironic. She had come to Kimberly for comfort and reassurance, and she had wound up offering it instead. In spite of her own tumultuous emotions regarding Tommy's secret, Kat, true to her nurturing nature, rocked her friend and rival, stroking her hair and just letting her vent for as long as she needed to.
"I-I'm sorry," Kim stammered as her tears began to subside and she tried to regain her composure. "I didn't mean to come apart like this."
"It's all right," Kat assured her. "Believe me, I understand."
"But you didn't come down here to have me unload on you."
"I came here for the truth --which you've given me."
"The truth is, Tommy has always loved Jason and probably always will, no matter who he winds up with. The thing is, I still love him even though I know he doesn't feel that way about me. I want to let him go, but I just can't seem to...."
"Did you even try finding someone else in Florida?" Kat wondered.
"I tried," Kim confessed, "though there really wasn't much opportunity or selection. I think Tommy had me spoiled; nobody was half as good to me as he was, and he was only pretending."
"No, he wasn't," Kat said sternly. "He loved --loves-- you, Kim. Take if from someone who knows. While I didn't hear all this about Jason, I most certainly heard all about you. Not only that, but I saw with my own eyes how much you meant to each other."
The blonde regarded her companion's dubious expression and sighed in frustration. For as hard as she had tried to work things out with Tommy, she couldn't believe she was going to do this... but they were her friends after all.... "Kim, there's still a chance for you and Tommy."
"Why? Because you broke up with him?" Kimberly asked. Why was everyone so sure Tommy wanted her when he preferred guys to girls?
"Actually, Tommy broke up with me," Kat admitted with a wry smile, and she wanted to laugh at her friend's flummoxed expression.
"He did?" was all Kim could utter. She hadn't figured Tommy would want to hurt Kat anymore than necessary, just like he hadn't really wanted to hurt her. She assumed he'd try and let the relationship dissolve slowly, like they were supposed to have done with theirs, so the others wouldn't ask awkward questions.
"You expected otherwise? He told me that he couldn't in all honesty say whether he was going out with me because he truly loved me or because he was using me as a shield as he had you."
"That stupid, idiotic, mixed up...!" the brunette fumed, her frustration with her one-time boyfriend getting the better of her. How many times was he going to ruin things for himself --and other people-- because he didn't know how to handle this mess? She had wanted him to be honest with Katherine, but he hadn't needed to be hurtfully honest!
The Pink Turbo Ranger chuckled and shook her head at her predecessor's display of impatience.
"To tell you the truth," Kat began, "I'm glad he's the one who called it off."
"You are?" Kimberly blinked in surprise.
"Struggling against his memories of you was bad enough, but vying with his feelings for Jason... I don't think that's a battle I want to get involved in. I care for Tommy, but not enough to compete with both of your ghosts for his affection. And I care enough that I didn't want to make him feel like I had abandoned him, too, if I'd have been the one to break off our relationship."
"I'm sorry, Kat," Kim murmured, her eyes brimming with sympathy.
"Don't be sorry. At least, not for me," Kat requested, her voice thick with her emotions. "If anyone needs our pity, it's our stupid, mixed up, idiotic ex-boyfriend."