Five:
Jason didn't manage to track Kimberly down until the following day. He found her at the Youth Center making use of the gymnastics equipment. He shook his head in amazement. Just like when we were Rangers --even when you had a minute to yourself, you could never really relax. If they weren't fighting monsters, they had school activities or homework or family plans, making the quiet times all the more precious.
That had been one of the nicest things about going to the peace conference: the chance to have some time to himself. Although, he had to confess that that had worn thin after a while. For all his patience when it came to diffusing situations, he'd always been more a man of action than of words. Tommy's call couldn't have come at a better time.
Poor Kim; she still can't call her time her own.
He watched as his petite friend readied herself at the far corner of the mat, preparing for her next tumbling pass. He was more used to seeing her prance gracefully across the balance beam than seeing her charge across the floor, gaining speed for a powerhouse move. He held his breath as she launched into a triple twist punch front. As she hit her landing and held it, Jason applauded enthusiastically. That pulled her out of her focus, and she breathlessly scampered over.
"That was fantastic," he raved appreciatively. "I haven't really seen you work out since you went to train in Florida. Man, I don't remember you ever being this good."
"Thanks," she responded, collecting her water bottle and taking a large swallow. "Chalk it up to clean living and Wheaties," she jibed. Her eyes twinkled with amusement. "Coach really thinks I can medal in more than one event."
"Hey, he wouldn't have asked you to train with him in the first place if he hadn't," Jason pointed out.
"I feel pretty confident about my beam routine, but I'm not so sure about my skills on the other apparatuses."
"Hence the extra practice time while you're on vacation."
"I promised Coach I'd put in a couple hours every day. He knows I have access to equipment here."
"Think you can take a break now?"
"Sure. What's up?"
"For starters, no one has seen you since the victory party, and I thought you'd come home for a visit. Secondly, I'd like to finish the conversation we started in Divatox's bilge," he replied, his no-nonsense tone letting her know that he wasn't going to be put off.
"Oh. Okay, I guess." The life seemed to drain out of Kimberly, and suddenly she appeared immeasurably tired. Her reaction told Jason that she knew exactly what he wanted to discuss.
"Come on; let's gather up your gear and go some place a little more private," he suggested.
Upon leaving the Youth Center, Jason directed Kim towards the park. They had almost reached the grassy expanse when he finally ventured his question.
"Before I say anything else, I need to know one thing. When you broke up with Tommy, was it because you honestly believed he didn't love you?"
A frown creased Kim's face. While she knew their conversation would be about what happened between her and Tommy, she wasn't quite sure where he was headed with this particular query. There was something about the way he phrased it.... How did he know Tommy hadn't loved her? She hadn't specifically said that --just that she couldn't keep on pretending. Maybe Jason was better at reading between the lines than she thought.
"Yes."
"That's all? You weren't wigged out by the fact that he was into guys?"
"How'd you find out about that?" Kim gasped, halting in mid-stride, her eyes wide with a mixture of surprise and fear. She reached out to him, her hand catching his arm, and she asked earnestly, "Please tell me it wasn't Kat!"
"No, Tommy told me," he assured her with a gentle smile for her overwhelming urge to protect their friend. "The others found out from her and Tanya, but I already knew by then."
"B-but why? You... Kat... Tommy never wanted anyone else to know!" she protested, disbelieving. "After all this time... after everything...."
"After everything he put you through and asked you to endure to keep his secret... after he toyed with your heart and crushed your dreams, why did he finally come clean?" Jason prompted, and Kim nodded tearfully. "If I told you right now, you wouldn't believe me, but trust me, he had a very good reason for doing so."
"How did everyone else take it? Was Tommy there when they heard?" she stammered, trying to get a grip on her whirlwind thoughts. "I know Kat was pretty upset, but she told me she didn't let Tommy see how much. They didn't make a big deal out of it, did they?"
"They were surprised as all get out --after all, the two of you sure did a great job of keeping it under wraps. None of us had any clue... but they were accepting and supportive...."
Kim sighed, the exhalation tinged with vexation. "Just like I always tried to tell him...."
"….and really pissed at what he put you through."
"They shouldn't be upset with him about that!" she burst out vehemently. She had never wanted her friends to blame Tommy; that's why she had made up the lie about finding someone else. It wasn't good for the team for the others to be angry with their leader. "It wasn't all Tommy's fault."
"He's the one who asked you to pretend to be his girlfriend."
"He was scared, Jason, confused. He didn't know what to do or where to turn, back then. I'm the one who let it go on for so long. It's not like I never knew he was gay... like I never knew that nothing would ever come of staying together with him.... What's so funny?" she demanded when Jason began chuckling.
"You are," he said at last, his eyes glimmering with merriment. "You amaze me."
"Because I was so pathetic and desperate to be with Tommy that I'd settle for a fake relationship?" she snapped, turning away from him so he wouldn't see how much the truth hurt.
Jason eased her around again until she faced him. "No, because you love him so much that even though he put you through hell, you're still willing to protect him."
Kimberly's resolve crumbled at his words, and he pulled her into a fierce hug, letting her cling to him as she sobbed.
"It's all right," he murmured soothingly, stroking her hair. "Tell me something, even though you knew it was pretend, how was your relationship with Tommy? How did he treat you? To the rest of us, it sure looked like the real thing. Was it much different between the two of you when no one else was around?"
"Tommy was wonderful, in public and private. He always used to make me feel so good," Kim admitted with a sniffle. "So kind, considerate, affectionate... That's why it hurt so much to know it was just make-believe. He was so good to me... too good sometimes. It was so easy to forget...."
"Like I said, you guys sure had everyone fooled," Jason continued, a sly quirk to his grin. "I mean, I don't know how many times Tommy and I would be hanging out shooting baskets or sparring and he'd be going on non-stop about you."
"H-he did that?" Kim mumbled diffidently.
"All the time," the one-time Gold Ranger laughed softly. "He'd have this stupid look on his face: mushy puppy-eyes and a goofy grin; he'd be practically glowing. Anytime you'd flash him a smile or hug him or --heaven help me-- kiss him, I'd have to peel him off the ceiling because he was positively floating."
The broken-hearted gymnast bit her lower lip and eyed her broad-shouldered companion dubiously.
"Even worse than the mushiness was the horniness," he continued, a bit more frankly than he normally would be with his female friends.
That evoked a response.
"I made him...?" She blushed hotly in spite of the incredulity in her tone.
"Yes, you did," Jason assured her firmly. "We'd practically have to hose him down in the locker room after he watched one of your practices. He almost embarrassed himself the first time he saw you in a bikini, and don't get me started on when you changed your wardrobe and started wearing those skorts and midriffs! I heard about what a cute belly button you had so often that I nearly begged Trini to ask you to start wearing baggy sweatpants and knee-length t-shirts."
"N-no way," she protested weakly.
"Not that that would have stopped him," he went on. "And heaven help the monster who laid a hand on you. I heard all about what happened when Zedd stole your Power Coin. That was scary. Do you remember how cold and dark Tommy's voice was when he was the evil Green Ranger? That's what he sounded like when he told me everything after the fact. And the things he wanted to do to ol' Radiator Face.... He had plenty of reason to hate Zedd and Rita, but he never wanted to get back at them so viciously for what they'd done to him, but for what they'd done to you...."
How many times had she listened to Tommy react the same way whenever Goldar had hurt Jason?
"What I'm trying to show you is that Tommy did care --far more than just a friend. Sure, he could have faked some of this, but all of it...? I don't think so; he's not that good an actor. He's too honest when it comes to his feelings. And the reason that he had all the rest of us fooled is that it wasn't an act. He really loved you."
"If he loved me, why didn't he ever tell me? If he was attracted to me, why did he tell me he was gay?" Kim demanded, anguished.
"You said it yourself. Tommy was confused," Jason said gently. "What Tommy didn't know back when he first told you was that he wasn't gay. He wasn't straight either. He was both."
"Both?"
"Yes, bisexual. Kim, if Tommy was really a homosexual, there's no way things would have been so confusing and messed up."
"How so?"
"Quite simply, Tommy wouldn't have let it. If he had been totally gay, he would have treated you very differently. He would never have let you get as close to him as you did; he wouldn't have had any interest in being close to you, and he would have set some ground rules for your fake relationship to keep you at a distance. His sense of honor wouldn't have let him do anything else."
"But he did set rules...."
"He told you he was gay and asked you to pretend to be his girlfriend in public. If he had no interest in you, you guys wouldn't have played the part of a couple in private as well. Do you remember the night after Tommy came back to the team as the White Ranger? The way he told it, the two of you had a pretty intense private reunion party that started with a hot kiss --that he instigated...."
Kim blushed fiercely at the memory.
"That would never have happened --especially at such a late date in your relationship. Or the kiss under the mistletoe during your last Christmas home....
"If Tommy was strictly gay, you both would have known. Instead, you both had no idea what was going on. Some guys wouldn't have known because they were still in denial about being gay. Tommy wasn't. He'd already accepted his attraction to other men. He was confused because he liked you in ways that he shouldn't have as a homosexual, and you were confused because his words were telling you one thing, and his actions were telling you something else entirely.
"That's why you stuck things out for so long. It wasn't because you were pathetic; your heart believed his actions while your head believed his words. And Tommy never told you he loved you because he didn't figure out that what he felt for you was really love until he had lost you."
Jason could tell his words were starting to get through to her. He could see how much she wanted to believe, so he pressed his advantage.
"When he came to see me in Geneva after he got your letter and phone call, Tommy's first words to me were, 'Now she'll never believe how much I love her.' And he still loves you, Kim."
The former Pink Ranger said nothing, doubt still wavering in her eyes.
"Believe it, Kim!" Jason commanded, grasping her by the arms and giving her a shake as he stared into her surprise-widened orbs. "Tommy loves you so much that he told me the one thing he never wanted me to find out about him --so that I'd understand what went wrong, and be able to help him find a way to convince you of the truth."
He could sense her capitulation, but she held onto one last thread of misgiving. However, he knew how to snip it.
"He even told me about being in love with me."
His revelation left Kim gaping at him, speechless. He laughed at her dumbfounded expression.
"I probably had that same look on my face when he told me."
"How'd you react? Did you get upset? Did you let him down gently?" she asked quietly, though her words spilled out in a rush. Her eyes pleaded with silent intensity. Her concern for her ex-boyfriend's feelings was still astonishing. Tommy was luckier than he deserved.
"Who says I let him down?" he teased. He didn't think Kimberly's eyes could get any bigger, but some how, they did. "I'm kidding, Kim. Although, I think if I was interested in other men, I'd have fallen for Tommy pretty easily. I just gave it to him straight --he'd expect no less from me. I love Tommy dearly, but not in the way he'd like. He understood.
"I can't give him the kind of relationship he'd like to have with me, but you can give him the one he'd like to have with you."
"Jase, I don't want to be a substitute for you," she objected. "Been there. Done that."
"You wouldn't be! Kim, if Tommy could have his way, he'd spend the rest of his life partnered with both of us. However, even if we were agreeable, things just don't work that way."
"I know," the gymnast admitted with a sigh. "It's not fair, though, that he has to choose... that it has to be one or the other."
Jason's eyebrows climbed in query. "Could you really share Tommy with me in a relationship like that –physically as well as emotionally?"
"I've been sharing Tommy with you in one way or another ever since I've known him," she countered with a diffident smile.
"Kim, please give Tommy another chance. He has my friendship and love, but he's still not happy. I think even if I could be his lover, he'd still be unhappy without you in his life. And if I know you, you won't be happy without Tommy in yours."
Kimberly knew she could not refute his statement. She considered all Jason had told her. Her heart was telling her to go for it; wasn't that what she wanted? Her head, however, was advising caution.
"I won't make any promises, but I'll talk to him," she agreed, reaching a middle ground with her inner-demons.
"Thank you," Jason said with genuine gratitude, slipping her a peck on the cheek. Kim wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight.
"Now, I should get you back to your motel so you can clean up and give Tommy a call," he declared briskly, his mind turning to the advice he needed to give Tommy so his best friend wouldn't blow it with her again.
"In a hurry, are we?" Kim wondered, cocking her head as she eyed him with a mixture of amusement and suspicion.
"Tommy hasn't been driving you nuts with his moping," he retorted. "He's probably at home right now pacing a hole in his mother's carpet, waiting for me to let him know what happened."
"Well, anything to spare Jan's rug," Kim murmured with a bemused lilt to her voice.
"I never could get used to calling Mrs. Oliver 'Jan'," he remarked.
"Tommy never felt comfortable enough with my mom to call her anything but Mrs. Hart, and knowing him, he probably will never remember to call her 'Dumas' now," Kim noted. The comment made her stop and think. "His folks know, don't they?"
"They do now."
Kimberly winced at the implication. Then, her demeanor grew thoughtful. "Maybe we'd better not say anything to my mother, though. At least, not for a while."
Jason bit back his knowing smile. Kim was talking as if their reunion was a foregone conclusion. He wondered if she even realized it. And as they wound their way back through the maze of paved paths in companionable silence, he observed a spring in his diminutive comrade's step. That hopeful spark was back. However, now that his mind was at ease about his friends' future, Jason turned his thoughts to more personal matters regarding Tommy's revelation.
"Can I ask you something else, Kim?" he began awkwardly.
"If it's not any worse than the last thing you wanted to ask me, shoot," she replied flippantly.
"I was wondering if you'd ever been angry with me over all of this. After all, I was the reason Tommy couldn't give you the relationship you wanted. I was the 'other woman,' if you will."
"But you didn't know it," Kim answered. "You weren't to blame, Jason. It's not like you deliberately seduced Tommy away from me. I'll admit that there were times when I was jealous of you, but I was never angry or hateful. It wasn't your fault."
Jason conceded her point with a nod then lapsed into a distracted silence, wondering if he should pursue the rest.
"What else did you want to ask?" Kim prompted, as if reading his mind.
"I probably could have asked this of Tommy, but I knew that he needed my unconditional support more than my questions," he fumbled. "I've always known how he felt about you.... I'm just having a hard time believing his feelings for me run in the same vein. He'd really go to you and gush about me the way he came to me about you?"
Kim couldn't help laughing, but he wasn't offended. He understood the incongruity of it all.
"In the beginning, he was forever going on about you!" she said at last. "The puppy-eyes, silly grin, shining face... all of it!" Her grin broadened as she watched Jason wrestle with the notion, considering what he had shared with Tommy in regards to her. He looked a trifle unsettled at speculating on the reciprocal.
"He went on about the way I dressed?" he ventured uncertainly.
"Let's see... the way your jeans hugged your butt... oh, and the things your white football pants did to his hormones...! I got so sick of hearing about your red tank tops... and heaven help me if you went shirtless!" she responded, echoing his earlier litany about her wardrobe. "I practically had to hose him down."
"He didn't," Jason gasped, a touch horrified at the thought. What was most disturbing about it wasn't so much that Tommy felt like that (which would take some getting used to, he had to confess) but that he'd share something like that with Kimberly! As he noted Kim's wicked grin, he had to wonder just how much enjoyment she was deriving from making him squirm. Maybe she hadn't been angry... just ticked off enough to get a little of her own back, perhaps?
"Oh, he did," she confirmed with a giggle. "I hate to tell you this, Jase, but I know more about what you look like naked than any woman who isn't your girlfriend has a right to."
"Oh really?" he challenged defiantly.
"All those locker room showers after P.E. or football practice or Karate class at the Youth Center.... I hear you have this really cute dimple on your left...."
"Oh, God," he groaned, wanting desperately to sink into the cracks in the pavement. Tommy really had told her everything!
"And the things you did in his dreams... what a naughty boy you were!"
"I'll kill him," Jason grumbled, thoroughly embarrassed.
"You'll have to go through me first," she warned, looking decidedly fierce, though they both knew that they were only fooling.
"I know better than to mess with you when it comes to Tommy," Jason laughed, tousling her hair. She lightly punched him in the bicep. "You know something; I'm beginning to think that your break up was the best thing that could have happened to you guys."
"What do you mean by that?" she asked, pulling a face at his outrageous remark.
"If you hadn't split up, things would have continued on as they had been and nothing would have been resolved. Tommy would not have had figure out that he really loved you, and he never would have found the courage to come out to me --or anyone else-- without the prospect of regaining your love spurring him on. And without Tommy coming out, you'd never have believed that he truly loves you." He saw the flash in Kim's eyes, and forestalled her objection to his claim. "Listen to your heart, not your head, Kim. What is it telling you?"
"To get my butt back to my motel room and call Tommy," she answered.
"Then let's get you there."
"Jason, I'm still really scared," she confessed.
"I know, Kim. So's Tommy."