Rae was having her first evening on her own. Jesse was just next-door, but she had begged him to let her be left by herself. Michael Ball was on the cd player, she had just got out of the shower, and was having an evening with music, a magazine and, as a treat, a bar of chocolate. I like chocolate. Texas likes chocolate, maybe more than anybody else. She heard the doorbell, and her heart sank. She looked through the peephole on her door.
"Steve…? Why are… you here?" She slowly opened the door and looked at her partner; he looked terrible. As he walked over towards her sofa she spoke again. "Steve… is Texas… here?"
"Rae, I just need to talk, I walked out on her, and I don't know why." You're lying, Sloan, you do know why, you just can't admit it. "Honey, I know it takes you time to put your thoughts into words, but can you listen to me and then help me at the end?"
Rae just nodded at him as she turned the music off and he started to talk.
"It was a great evening. She had gone to so much trouble, the food was delicious," he paused, "And so was she. She looked stunning." He stopped talking as he heard the phone ring. Why did Jo make him so nervous? He felt like a bird just learning to fly. The answer phone cut in, but whoever it was didn't want to leave a message and the room fell silent.
"She tried …hard for you… Steve…What hap…pened?"
"I guess she missed one detail. She didn't know that her date would get cold feet." Steve stood up and started to pace. He couldn't keep still. "God, I feel like a sixteen year old. She began to kiss me… to …" He stopped. He trusted Rae, and he didn't mind sharing this with her, but he wasn't sure if she felt the same since her accident. He was instantly guilty for thinking it, she was the same person, and his dad had said that she could cope with almost all everyday things now.
"Steve... I won't… tell …anybody" Rae smiled at him, waited until he walked past her, reached out and put her hand over his. "Talk to me… pa…partner…we'll sort it."
Steve took a breath and sat back down. "I knew what she wanted, Rae, and I wanted the same thing. But when she started to kiss me, I panicked. I wanted her so much, right there and then, but I knew it would be wrong. It was going to be our first time, it should have been slow and beautiful, relaxed just like the evening had been. I just wanted to pick her up carry her into the other room and … well you know the rest." Suddenly he was embarrassed. He couldn't tell Rae everything; it wasn't right. He wouldn't do that to her, or Jo.
"Go back to her… Steve, tell her…. She needs that... If she's…cross, well… it will be… sad … She is a very… con…confident lady, but… if you don't go back now…she will… never know… what she did… that was wrong." Slowly her words came out and Rae hoped she had said them right.
"She wasn't wrong, Rae, I was." Steve looked at her, maybe she didn't understand after all; maybe he had been wrong to burden her with this.
"I know … Steve… but she … doesn't... she knows … you left… She won't be blam…blaming you… she will be sitting… crying… about … what she… did wrong… It isn't fair… Steve… not on her… or you."
Steve looked across at his partner. "Hey, you know what, you're cleverer than you look! And your speech is getting way better." Rae smiled at him.
"I know." She was still blunt but he liked her that way.
"You're right, and I'm going back, right now." He stood up and walked over to the door. Then he turned. "Thank you, Rae. I'll come visit with you tomorrow. The Chief has given me some time off, maybe we could go out, just you and me."
Rae smiled. "Yes…Steve…thank you."
"For what?"
"For treating…me like…me."
Steve walked back across the room, Rae stood up and he hugged her. They held each other tight for a long while and then he kissed her on the cheek and let go of her.
"Take care, Rae."
"I will…you…too."
With that he opened the door and was gone. Rae leant back against the sofa with a smile. She felt bad for Steve, but he had come to her, asked her for help, and despite her handicaps she had helped him, she felt like she could fly as high as anybody right now.
As Steve walked back towards his car his heart was considerably lighter. It didn't take him long to get back to Jo's house and soon he was standing once again at her front door. He rang the bell and waited.
Jo had been devastated when he had left her. She had got up and automatically loaded the dishwasher, and then she had sat trying to work out what she had done that had been so wrong. She phoned Rae, but only got her machine. What she needed to say couldn't be left on a tape, so she hung up and sat silently, her brain whirring as she relived the evening over and over again. Jo had no idea how long she had been sitting there when she heard her doorbell. Getting up she wiped the tears from her face and headed for the door.
"Steve! Oh, honey, I'm so sorry, I don't know what I did or said, but I'm so sorry!" The words almost fell over themselves as they poured from her. Steve leant over and gently placed a finger against her lips.
"Shhh, it's, ok, it's not your fault. Let me come back in and I'll try to explain to you." Steve was extremely relieved when Jo moved back from the door, and he was able to come in and close it behind him. He leant over and kissed her gently on the lips and then together they walked across the hallway and over to one of the large chairs that went with the sofa. Steve sat down and to his delight Jo sat on his lap.
"What did I do, Steve? Why did you leave?" Jo was so hurt and confused, she didn't really know where to start, but she had to know.
"Jo, shhh. This isn't your fault, any of it, but you're taking charge, honey, and I have to speak." He looked at her, and she blushed. God, I love it when she does that. "I owe you an explanation…" He raised his finger once more as he saw her about to speak. "When you started to kiss me and then undo my shirt, I wanted you so much that it scared me. I didn't want it to be that way, Jo. It should have been slow and gentle, but I could have just picked you up and … and had you right there. You deserve better… I'm sorry, Jo. I'll go now, I hope that you'll forgive me, and that we can go out again." Steve started gently to ease her off his lap, but she turned and held on to the wings of the chair.
"Oh, no, Sloan, you don't get away that easy." Part of her wanted to let him go, so that he could get a hold of himself properly and they could try again, but the dominant part of her won out. "I worked like a slave today to get this right for you. How do you know that if you had done what you wanted, that it wouldn't have been what I wanted, too? Or if it wasn't, that I wouldn't have stopped you? I'm a grown woman, Steve, not some shrinkin' violet. I'm not a virgin, an' lookin' like you do, I'm damn sure you aren't either." With that Jo got up and moved off him. "If you want to go, go. I've had my say, I won't stop you." She moved away from him but felt his hand go around her wrist.
"Jo, stop it. Do you want me to go?" He saw her shake her head. "Good, because I don't want to go either." He stood up and pulled her to him and kissed her, hard.
She felt the zipper at the back of her dress as he slowly moved it down, and then his big, but gentle hands on her shoulders as he slid the dress off her body.
"I've wanted to do this bit all night." He reached up and finally was able to let her hair fall around her shoulders.
She moved away from him. "If I undo your shirt, will you still be here when I've finished?" She smiled at him.
"Oh, God, yes, Jo, I can't stop again, I want you so badly." He moaned as he felt her fingers move down and the buttons of his shirt come undone. When he felt her hands run gently down his chest and end up on his belt he thought that his knees would give way under him. He put his arms around her and picked her up, before she could continue. As he kissed her again a thought struck him. "Jo, where's the bedroom?"
"Straight up the stairs, partner. Turn right, an' then just keep a-walkin'; you'll be fine." As soon as they were inside the room Jo felt herself being lowered to the floor, then with a speed that surprised her she felt herself pushed back up against the wall and Steve began to kiss her with a passion that took her breath way. She moved her hands and removed his shirt, then she went back to his belt and took his pants, shorts and socks off. She could feel his hardness against her. Slowly she pushed her palms against his shoulders and moved him away from her. "Steve, the bed is a lot more comfortable than this ol' wall."
"Jo, I'm sorry," Steve picked her up again and lay her gently on the bed. He reached down and undid the front clasp on her bra and she gasped as he released her breasts and placed a kiss on each of them.
Steve saw her shiver as she felt his fingers in the sides of her panties, and she raised her body to help him remove them. She turned towards him and he lowered himself onto the bed and they began to kiss again. As she arched her back he ran his fingers gently over her breasts, and then she turned to goo as he began to kiss and nip them again. Jo was surprised at the gentleness that he showed her. She was no fool, she knew how much he wanted her, but he was being slow and loving. She moved her hand down, and slowly ran her fingers up and down his hard rod.
"Oh, God, Jo, I can't wait any longer, I want you now." His heart turned somersaults as he saw her look at him and open her body up to him. Slowly he entered her, he was a big man, but she took him in completely and soon they were moving in time together.
"Steve, don't hold back, I need you, too." She felt his movements grow stronger, and suddenly saw him stiffen for a moment, and then felt him pour into her.
"Jo, Jo, Oh, honey, Ooooooh." He felt her body tighten around him as she came at the same time as him and for a moment they took flight together. "Oh, God, Jo." He collapsed down onto her, using his arms to protect her from his complete weight.
Jo wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down towards her. She felt the heat from his body as he lay over her.
"Honey, I'm heavier than you, I'll crush you"
"Shhh, I want to feel you, like this, just for a minute, I'll move when I need too." With that she traced her fingers up his back and through his hair, then she began to kiss him. As she felt his weight begin to overwhelm her she slowly rolled until she was lying on top of him.
He had nothing left now to talk. He kissed the top of her head and then watched her as she collected herself. Jo moved until she was lying with her head on his chest.
"Steve, honey? That was wonderful, thank you." She moved slightly and kissed him on the lips. There was no response and she looked up. He was fast asleep. She gave a small chuckle, and then making herself comfortable where she was, closed her eyes and let her mind wander back over the last half hour or so. Soon, without realising it, she had joined him in dreamland.
Steve slowly awoke, and looked down at Jo, she was fast asleep in his arms. He took a deep contented breath and then ran his fingers down her face. Jo moved slightly in her sleep and snuggled up to him. Then slowly she opened her eyes and looked up. "Hi, what are you doin' here?"
"Waiting for you to wake up." Steve smiled at her and placed his lips on hers. Gradually he moved his hands over her back and up into her hair. It was messed up from sleep, but it still felt beautifully soft on his fingers. "Mm, Jo, I love your hair."
"Thank you, kind sir, but don't you have to be gettin' ready for work, it's after nine already?"
"Nope, the Chief gave me five days off. I have four of them left. I promised to take Rae out today, but the rest of the time is ours, unless you have other things you would rather do."
"Three days, honey, I'm yours." She began to kiss him, and Steve put all his plans to the back of his mind, and he ran his fingers over her breasts and felt her respond to him once again.
It was just after ten when they walked down the stairs together and in to the dining room. Steve just stared. The table was laid, and there was coffee already brewed in the pot on the side. "When did you do this? I was only in the shower for a few minutes."
"Honey, I didn't do it. I told you I gave the butler the night off, well this mornin' he's back."
"Are you ready for your breakfast now, madam?" A deep, English voice spoke behind them and Steve nearly jumped out of his skin. With a very shocked expression on his face he turned round. There was a middle-aged man, dressed in a black suit waiting by the door.
"Good mornin' Michael, yes, we're ready, thank you." Jo with a huge grin moved forward and then stopped. Steve hadn't moved a muscle. "Steve, come on, darlin' or everythin' will get cold."
"What, oh, yeah, I'm coming." Steve walked in a daze up to the table, and sat down. He didn't even think to hold Jo's chair out for her, but Michael did it for her anyway.
"What would you like this morning, Miss Walters?"
"Just cereal an' some toast, thank you, Michael. I hope I left your kitchen tidy for you last night." Jo smiled at him.
"It was just fine, madam, thank you. And for you, Sir?"
Steve had automatically picked up the glass of orange juice that was in front of him and was drinking from it. "What? Oh, oh, I'll have the same, thank you." He was shell-shocked.
"Steve, honey, are you all right?"
"Yeah, it's just that… Jo, I thought you were joking when you said that you had given the butler the night off."
"Honey, why would I joke about that? She had a puzzled look on her face. "Michael was my grandmamma's butler, an' when she died he looked after the house 'til I moved out here. I couldn't just fire him now could I?"
"No, I guess not." He didn't know if he should ask the next question but before he knew it he had just blurted it out. "How can you afford to pay him?" Steve realised that he was being rude, but he couldn't take the words back. He would just have to wait and see how she reacted. To his relief she began to laugh.
"My grandmamma is still payin' him. She left enough money 'specially for him. He could leave, but I guess he likes it here." She looked at him with a smile. "Want me to ask him?"
"God, no, Jo. I just never expected this that's all." He knew it was a lame finish and he wished he had never started this conversation.
"Steve, you employ people at your restaurant for cookin' an' servin' the food, well this is no different."
"Oh, trust me, Jo, this is different."
Michael came quietly back into the room, which ended their conversation. He put down the cereal and the milk and left without a word. Jo picked up a container from the centre of the table and began to prepare her breakfast.
"This is nice, I usually eat on my own. It makes a change to have somebody to talk to."
"What about Michael?"
"I tried, just once, apparently it isn't the done thing! He never ate with my grandmamma an' he isn't gonna eat with me either!"
"Oh …So, what do you want to talk about?" Steve looked over at her. "I'm sorry, Jo, I didn't mean to be rude, or insensitive, but I've never met anybody who has a butler before."
"Don't worry about it. I've always had one, so I guess I just don't think about it. Where are you plannin' to take Rae today?"
Steve pulled himself back together and tried to gather his thoughts. "I wondered about taking her to the zoo in Griffith Park. She could see the animals, and there are plenty of places where she can sit and rest, or she could even go round in a wheelchair if she wanted to, although somehow I don't think she will."
"Yeah, I guess you could do that. But Steve, she isn't a child. Maybe you could take her to an art gallery, or somethin' like that. What would she have liked to do before the accident?"
"I don't know, we didn't go out just the two of us before her accident, maybe I should ask her, instead of making plans without consulting her, huh?"
"I would say so."
Michael came back in with the toast and they were silent then until they had finished their meal. As Steve put his coffee cup down he looked across at Jo.
"You know, I could get used to this."
"What the butler? I knew he'd grow on you." Jo smiled.
"No, sitting here, having breakfast with you." Steve watched with delight as a blush crept up her face.
They walked to the front door together, and Steve kissed her gently on the lips. But Jo wasn't happy with that. "Hey, I'm not gonna see you for the rest of the day, is that the best you can do?"
"Oh, no, I can do this too." He entwined his fingers in her hair and pulled her closer to him, she felt his tongue as it moved into her mouth and she ran her hands up into his hair too. The kiss seemed to last forever, but in the end Steve knew he needed to come up for air. "I have to go, honey, unless you want to come with me."
"No, you spend some time with her on your own, I know you are special to her, just as she is special to you, an' it will do the pair of you good. But, Steve, before you go, I've been thinkin' about what she can and can't do. Can we talk for just a minute?"
"Yeah, sure, what is it?" Steve didn't know why, but he got the feeling that he didn't want to hear what Jo was going to say. He wanted to believe that if he gave Rae a few weeks she would be back to her normal self, and by his side again as they worked together.
Jo led him into the lounge and they sat together on the wine coloured sofa. "I've been thinkin' about what she can and can't remember."
"And."
"Well, she never mentioned Kira before she saw her. She didn't know who I was when I first went in to her room at the hospital and she definitely didn't know my name. It's almost as if until she sees someone, or is told somethin' it isn't there, in her memory. Maybe you ought to talk to Jesse about it."
They walked back out to the front door and Steve started to kiss her again. As he pulled her to him he saw Michael walk across behind them towards the kitchen and moved away from her too embarrassed to say or do anything.
"Honey?" Jo looked confused.
"I'm sorry, Jo, I, I could see Michael." Steve's confusion was complete when Jo began to laugh.
"He's my butler, not my daddy. If you want to kiss me, any place in this house, you go right ahead. I don't mind, an' he won't either. Now, come here." She ran her fingers into this hair and gently moved his face down to hers and began to kiss him again. Steve still felt awkward, but slowly he started to respond and soon was kissing her passionately once again.
Steve walked down to his car and got in. He drove a little way from Jo's house and pulled up. He had so much to think about he didn't know where to start. He took his cell phone out and called Rae's number.
"Hello."
"Rae, it's me." Steve purposely didn't say who it was.
"Who's me?"
"Steve."
"Oh…we're going out…you're late."
Steve smiled. "I won't be long, I just wanted to let you know I was still coming, ok?"
"Ok." Rae put the phone down.
Steve laughed to himself, but his smile soon vanished again. He had a feeling that Jo was right, and Rae had more memory problems than they were prepared to admit to themselves, but if she recognised things then the memories would come back. He had to believe that. He drew back into the traffic and headed towards Rae and Jesse's apartment block.
Rae was waiting by the door when he got there, she watched him walk all along the hallway. "Hi…Steve."
"Hi, honey, how are you today?"
"I don't …know… Cross."
"Why are you cross? Is it because I'm late?"
"No… I'm… just cross."
"Where's Jesse?"
"Inside…I wanted … to wait…for … you."
"Come on then, let's go in."
Steve put his arm around Rae and they walked in together. Jesse was sat on the sofa trying to read the paper, but Kira had decided that she was going to play with him instead, and was moving up and down under the pages. "You are gonna be turned into soup if you don't stop that."
"Jesse…no." Rae looked horrified, and Steve could see tears spring to her eyes.
"Rae, it's a joke, he's just joking."
"Oh, for goodness sake, Rae, I'm only messing about." Jesse got up and threw the paper on the sofa. Kira meowed as she was picked up and dumped on the floor. Then he headed for the kitchen.
"Jesse… you're…horrid." Rae bent down and picked Kira up. She went slowly towards her bedroom and before she shut the door she turned back to Steve. "I don't … want to…go out… today."
"Jess, was that really necessary?" Steve looked at his friend. He was shocked by his outburst.
"I'm sorry, Steve, I'm just getting frustrated. I know I shouldn't. I'll go and apologise."
Jesse tapped on the door to the bedroom, and waited. He could hear Rae talking to Kira and he opened the door a little bit.
"Rae, sweetie, can I come in?"
She looked at him and nodded. "I'm … sorry…I make…you…mad."
"Oh, Rae, honey, you don't make me mad, I just…" he stopped; he wasn't sure how to explain it.
"Feel…sorry… for me?" Rae looked him straight in the eye.
"Yeah, maybe, but only because I know you want to be able to do so much more than you can, right now."
"I know…it… will come… Maybe… you need…to know…that…too." She smiled at him and then she put her hand into his and pulled him onto the bed next to her, and for the first time since her accident she began to kiss him properly. He felt her begin to explore with her tongue and he began to respond. Rae's fingers went into his hair and she closed her eyes.
After a short while Jesse pulled gently away from her. "Rae, honey, I love you, so much."
"I know…I love … you too… I will…stay …here for…a bit."
Jesse smiled at her, and kissed her once more, this time on the cheek, then he stood up and went back into the other room.
Steve looked at Jesse as he came back through the door alone. "Will she be all right in there, only I want to talk to you about her, Jess."
"Yeah, she likes to be in there, and we made up. What is it?"
Steve told Jesse what Jo had said to him that morning. His face got graver the more he heard. "You know I don't like to admit it, but I think you could be right. She's gonna start speech therapy next week, maybe that will help, and maybe we should start talking about things that happened in the past. So that she can start working on her memory.
"Why did she shut herself away, Jesse?"
"Because she couldn't understand my joke, she couldn't cope with that so she did the equivalent of running away."
"Oh. Look I want to go and see Dad, and tell him what I've told you. If I ring Jo, will you come with me?"
"Yeah, ok."
Jo arrived at Rae's apartment just over half an hour later. She had just been leaving the house when Steve had called, and had changed out of her riding gear and headed straight over. She rang the bell, and Steve answered the door.
"Hello, stranger." Jo put her arms around his neck and kissed him tenderly on the lips.
Steve felt as if he was going to float away. "Mm, hello to you too. I'm sorry to break into your day, but I want to go talk to Dad, and we can't leave Rae on her own."
"Honey, it was me who put this into your head, we'll be fine today, I'll probably take her to the beach and we can walk along the sand. Where is she?"
"In her room, she was sulking because Jesse shouted at her, they made up, but she wanted to stay there."
"Oh, ok, I can deal with that. But I'll speak to her before you leave.
Jo went over to the door and knocked. She didn't wait for Rae to speak she just went in. "Hi, Rae, it's me." Rae turned to her.
"Hi, Texas." She smiled. "Steve… is out there."
"I know, I came to see you. Listen, honey, Steve an' Jesse have to go see Mark, so you an' I can go out, is that all right?"
"Yes." Rae got up and walked over to her. "Where…? Shopping?"
"Do you want to go shoppin'? We can do that." Jo smiled at her. She had made a decision, by herself.
They walked together out into the other room. "Ah, guys, change of plan, we are goin' shoppin'."
Steve picked up on the significance of what Jo was saying, "She decided by herself?"
"Yep, completely by herself."
Jo and Rae walked round the shops together. Rae had been worried by the amount of people around her when they had got out of the car, but by the time they had slowly walked to the first level of shops she had begun to feel more confident. But after a while she had become upset that she couldn't do things like she used to, so they had stopped at a coffee shop and Jo had talked to her, and asked her what was different. It had taken a while, but Rae had finally said that she wanted to buy things without taking so long to ask and that she couldn't walk very fast. They had decided that they would walk leisurely together, down the edges of the walkways, then they wouldn't get in other people's way and that Jo would help Rae in the stores if she needed it. So far it appeared to be working.
They had bought a new top each, and then Rae had seen a candy store that didn't have any people in it. She put her hand on Jo's arm. "Stay here."
"What? Rae!" Jo watched as she walked slowly away from her. She saw her go into the store right in front of her and she hoped she would be all right alone.
Rae walked up to the counter. She smiled and waited, thinking all the while. There was a young man putting some chocolate bars onto a stand. He turned and moved towards her.
"Hi, can I help you?"
"Yes… I want …" Rae pointed to some boxes on a display. "I talk…slow."
The young man smiled. That's ok. Do you want this size?"
Rae looked at the box in front of her. "Yes …please… It's a … present."
"Ok, I'll make it look pretty. Just like you."
Rae beamed and got her money out while she waited. The box of candy was wrapped in shiny paper and then a twirly ribbon was put on it. The assistant walked back over with it and showed Rae.
"It's … lovely… Thank you." Rae handed over her money and waited for her change. Then she picked up the bag with her purchase in and with a wide smile turned and walked back to Jo.
"These … are for you."
"You know you didn't have to do that, but thank you. It seemed to me you did all right in there."
Rae was still smiling, she turned back to look at the man in the store and then back to Jo. "I did… he was nice."
They got into the elevator and got out on the third floor of the mall and began to look in the shops again.
Suddenly Rae stopped walking.
"What is it, Rae, are you all right, honey?"
She pointed at a shop halfway down the hallway. "Hair…My hair… not cut."
"No, you don't have to have your hair cut, we are only here to look."
"No, NO!" Rae shouted at her friend, and a couple walking past them stared at her. Jo put her hand on her arm.
"Shhh, honey, it's all right."
Rae tried again. "My hair…not cut…before." Rae was quiet for a while then a pained look crossed her face. "He… hurt…Jesse…I want … to go…now."
"Ok, we'll go an' find the guys."
They walked slowly back to Jo's car and as Rae sat quietly in the front. Jo got her phone out and called Steve. He was still at the hospital and so they drove over to meet them there.
Jo checked her mirror as they drew out of the parking lot. She saw a green Mercedes waiting behind her and it followed her out. Rae seemed quite agitated on the drive over to Community General, and Jo tried to get her to talk.
"Rae, what's wrong? Why are you upset?"
"He…hurt…Jesse."
"When was Jesse hurt, Rae, before you were hurt?" Rae just shook her head, and Jo knew that she wasn't going to say any more.
They drew up into the parking lot, and Jo went to help her out of the car. "I … can do it… myself." Rae glared at her and pulled herself out of the seat.
"Sorry. I'll leave you be." Jo watched as she straightened up and they walked together into the hospital.