Heya all, this is my first fanfic – I could go along like (mostly) everyone else and ask you to be gentle … but I won't! Be as cruel as you like, I can handle it (after having consumed as much Coke as I have, you could probably handle anything too). Criticism is perfectly acceptable as long as it's somewhat constructive. I mean, there's no point in telling me off if I'm not gonna learn anything from it, is there? Before anyone says a word, this will be a S/D fic cause there's simply no couple cuter! If you're not a fan of these two crazy lovebirds, I suggest you run screaming for the hills cause there ain't nothing for you hereJ
Standard disclaimers apply cause none of us me owns any part/s of these characters – I'm just using them for my own twisted pleasure (that sounds wrong, doesn't it?) and mean no harm to anyone. Sue away; you're not gonna get a damn thing anyway. I'm a poor, hapless uni student who (apparently) has no life whatsoever.
Read at your own risk. I take no responsibility for anything – living or otherwise – that may be damaged about from reading this piece of dribble.
Enough from me and on with the story.
Cupid Must be Crazy
Chapter 1 Overshare
The muted white light of her laptop was slowly driving Serena Halliday a bit closer to the brink of insanity. She really just wanted to throw the damn thing against the wall and be done with the entire debacle, but unfortunately she had an article to write and so really couldn't chuck the infernal piece of equipment out just yet.
Nor could she use it to throttle her sub editor to unconsciousness.
Then again, if she kept the protective cover in place and made all efforts to be gentle, there really wouldn't be too much damage.
To the laptop.
She heaved in a sigh, mentally throwing another bout of hexes on her temporary editor's next three lives, as she stared at the mostly blank screen. She had no clue as to what to write.
Honestly, what was it possible to say when one had to explain the socio-economic benefits of the current television programming on the NBC Network? It wasn't the first time she'd experienced these surges of the deepest dislike for Ann, the Nazi dictator like woman that these days masqueraded as the New York Times sub-editor.
Why had Raye Fier insisted on attending that stupid editor's conference? And leaving Ann in charge was just another piece of managerial genius. Sometimes she wondered just how that girl had managed to keep things in check for the last four years. Although, as Raye's second in command, technically Ann was entitled to the position in the event of the Head Editor's absence.
That still wasn't an excuse!
Serena's inner litany stopped abruptly as Mina Summers traipsed into the apartment, tossed her leather coat on a chair in the kitchenette and collapsed into the cream chaise. After a moment of unresponsive silence, Serena felt that it was up to her to do the talking.
"Rough day?" Serena asked flippantly, turning back to her handwritten notes spread haphazardly on every available surface of the glass coffee table. She was curled up on the white rug in front of the television resting back against the chaise, elbows propped up on the table. Her pink-socked feet peeked out from beneath the fabric of her light denim overalls.
"Of all the immoral, misogynistic, psychopathic, dense, stupid, brainless …" Mina trailed off, searching the insult database in her head for more appropriate terms. "…Dumbass things to do! Ooh, that …that… moronic model!"
Mina's little outburst caught Serena slightly off base – she hadn't really been expecting an eruption of this magnitude. From Raye, definitely. From Mina however, was a definite no. As a result of Mina's slowly rising vocal volume, Serena jumped about five feet in the air in complete shock. Apparently unaware of her friend's reaction to her unexpected outburst, Mina chose to continue.
She didn't really speak. It was more of a fluent and creative – although graphic – depiction of what she'd have liked to do to the agitator at this present moment. Both her vocabulary and imagery impressed Serena greatly. It never would have occurred to her to use a barbeque fork in such a manner.
"What's Andrew done now?" Serena asked, tapping her fingernails against the matte keyboard. Andrew Drysdale alone had the distinct privilege of eliciting a reaction such as this in their histrionic Mina. When one thought about it, it was quite a talent of sorts.
"He was born," the irate blond actress seethed.
As Mina started to blabber incessantly about today's so called 'Andrew encounter', Serena wondered vaguely if she had a camera handy at that particular moment. It was always fun to watch a Mina mental collapse. She was well aware of the impending deadline – however, watching her best friend having a nervous breakdown was much more entertaining than the broadcasting policies of the NBC.
From what she could gather from Mina's jumbled yammerings, the 'crappy ass sadistic bastard' had forgotten their six-month anniversary. Obviously, this little slip upset Mina greatly.
They were no longer on speaking terms and had officially broken up.
Again.
Serena sighed. Mina and Andrew had managed to split up on an average of three occasions per month. It was unhealthy for the mental well being of her friends, but it was great for the paparazzi. Every time Mina and Andrew were together, the press had a field day – they were sure to somehow get on the front pages the following day. Serena looked forward to reading about this break up in tomorrow's tabloids.
At least there she'd probably get a reasonably easy to follow story.
During Mina's long and involved litany – by that time Serena had stopped listening and was idly staring off into space, considerately uttering an 'uh huh' or 'really' at the appropriate moments – there was a knock at the door. Taking view of the situation, she realised that Mina was somewhat indisposed and in no position to answer the door.
It didn't sound like she'd be shutting up anytime soon either.
So Serena, after a disparaging glance at her insane friend, got to her feet and threw open the door.
Now at this time Serena, not really thinking about who exactly would be visiting them at ten o'clock in the evening, decided to forgo the peephole. Indeed, she figured that if anyone were to be visiting this late, it would probably be Lita or Amy. Moments after she opened the door, she became conscious of her mistake, realising that the girls probably wouldn't have bothered with the knocking and just walked right in.
"Hi Andrew," Serena said absently. Then she did a double take. "Andrew!"
She was abruptly cut off as he ignored her completely, instead pushing open the door and stepping further into the room. Serena stared in amused disbelief. He appeared a little preoccupied but the look on his face made her refrain from commenting further. She just stepped back, leaned against the wall, and watched the scene unfold before her.
Upon sweeping grandly into the room, Andrew headed unswervingly in Mina's direction. Mina meanwhile had risen from her seat and looked about ready to give the guy a piece of her mind. Several pieces in fact, if the expression on her face was any indication. Nevertheless, before the disgruntled actress could say a single word, Andrew had taken the last remaining steps to her side and trapped her in his embrace, lowering his face to hers. Seconds later, the sizzling couple were kissing as though their very lives depended on it, apparently unaware that they had an audience.
A very unwilling audience at that.
Mina pulled away for a brief second, opening her mouth to say something. It seemed as though her thought processes weren't working all that properly and she looked confused for a moment, unsure of what she had been about to say. Andrew quickly remedied this problem by claiming her mouth again, this time with more intensity, bending her over backwards so only his arms supported her lithe frame.
Serena wondered briefly where the popcorn was when you needed it; this was so much better than a movie. She was thinking that it was all incredibly romantic … it wasn't until she noted the fact that Mina's once buttoned blouse was dangerously close to being unbuttoned and that Andrew's shirt was no longer tucked that she realised she'd better skedaddle post haste. It was turning NC-17 rather quickly and, personally, her group of friends had traumatised her enough as it was.
"Hi Serena, I –" Serena's previous sentiments were proven right as Amy Carrara pushed open the door and stepped into the apartment unannounced. The young genius's mouth dropped open in surprise and, upon regaining the use of her facilities, she slapped her hand over her eyes at the scandalous spectacle.
"Ohmigosh!" she squeaked.
Lita Chase, unaware of the spectacle inside the apartment, somehow missed the squeak that escaped the blue haired girl. She stepped into the apartment after Amy. Then her eyes widened and her jaw all but dropped to the floor. Then she narrowed her eyes speculatively at the couple in the living room. "I wasn't even aware that was logistically possible…"
Before Serena could even think of reacting to that incisive assessment, Amy had hightailed it out into the hallway and slammed the door shut behind her. Lita and Serena stared at each other, at the couple in the living room, and then back at each other.
Seconds later, the door reopened and Amy peeked her head in, staring wide-eyed at her friends. "How about some ice cream?"
Serena nodded mutely, slipping her feet into her canvas sneakers that she'd conveniently left by the door earlier that afternoon. Murmuring hurried apologies that she was certain the two in the living room hadn't heard anyway, she hurried out into the hallway behind Lita.
"That was a definite overshare," Serena commented in the elevator. At this rate, she'd be in therapy for the next couple of thousand years; there was just no end to the trauma!
"Uh huh." The usually astute Amy had apparently reverted to a monosyllabic lexis.
"At least they're getting along," Lita said sunnily.
The other two just stared.
An hour later the three girls sat in a booth in the Crown Arcade merrily discussing the entertaining enigma that was their blond friend's fluctuating relationship with Andrew. They'd been going out for what seemed like years and had yet to carry on a civilised conversation for more than an hour with each other. Although, it seemed as though they were doing something right or else they probably wouldn't have lasted as long as they had.
"It's definitely the sex," Lita took a thoughtful spoonful of her strawberry sundae.
Amy nearly choked on her mocha whirl. "I don't think I'm all that curious about their sex life, Lita."
Lita shrugged nonchalantly. "You have another explanation?"
"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe they actually like each other?" Serena dismissed their identical dubious looks. "Alright, aside from the constant fighting and death threats, they're actually rather cute when they're not trying to kill each other."
"Right…" Lita was giving her that look. The one that clearly showed that she thought Serena was vaulting completely off the deep end without an inkling of hope for her sanity.
"I just think there's more to their squabbling than they care to admit." Serena protested.
"Homicidal tendencies, perhaps?"
With a glance at her ice cream, Lita waved her spoon in the air. "You guys do realise they're gonna murder each other eventually, right?"
Serena nodded. "It's inevitable."
Scooping out the last spoonful from her bowl, Amy glanced at her watch. "Ohmigosh," she said, looking up hurriedly. "It's nearly midnight."
"What's your point?" Lita was still playfully attacking her ice cream with enthusiasm, swirling the now officially unfrozen frozen confection at the bottom of the bowl.
Amy rolled her eyes heavenward before turning to Serena. "Weren't you supposed to finish that article for the paper?"
One eyebrow rose as Serena stared incredulously at her friend. "You wanna go up to the apartment to get my laptop?" She asked pointedly. As the sudden understanding dawned in Amy's eyes, Serena shrugged. "Didn't think so."
"Then what are you going to do?" Lita asked, finally letting her spoon drop with a muted plop.
"Hope to the gods that they're finished when I sneak in tomorrow morning."
How was it? I realise you people probably have lots to do that doesn't involve reviewing, but c'mon, it wouldn't hurt huh? Should I continue? Do I suck? Should I stop blabbering on so much? Dying for opinions here – I depress myself, I really do.
Starlite Princess signing off now … gone now.