Mr. Canary is sitting at the Go Position from a PWA event.
Mr. Canary: Ladies and gentlemen, I please welcome you all to a Parody reenactment trailers and scenes. Hopefully you enjoy them, but I added some of my own twist and turns. And a potential idea.
The Miraculous Ladybug and the Spider Inspiration trailer
Adrien Agreste: Oh, look at this. This is a good one. "Some suggest that Marinette's powers include some spider ability to hypnotize females"
Marinette Dupain-Cheng: Come on, that's spiders.
Adrien: Yes, my Ladybug Queen.
Marinette: Can we just like stay up here all day. It is so crazy down there.
[J. Jonah Jameson]: That's right, folks. Ladybug is in fact Marinette Dupain-Cheng
Marinette: List, I did not kill Ulysses. The drones did.
Cop: The drones that are yours.
Adrien: Does any part of you feel relieved about this?
Marinette: What do you mean?
Adrien: Now that everybody knows, you don't really have to hide or lie to people.
Marinette: For the record, I never wanted to lie to you. But how do you tell someone that you're Ladybug? Now everybody knows.
Marinette: But this isn't about me. This is hurting a lot of people.
Marinette: I've just been thinking about how to fix all of this.
Maria the Virgin Witch: So, Mary, to what do I owe the pleasure?
Marinette: I'm sorry to bother you, madam.
Maria: Please. We saved half the universe together. I think we're beyond you calling me "madam".
Marinette: Okay. Maria.
Maria: That feels weird, but I'll allow it.
Marinette: When Ulysses revealed my identity, my entire life got screwed up. I was wondering if maybe you could make it so that he never did.
Vivian: Maria, don't cast that spell. It's too dangerous
Maria: Fine. I won't.
Maria: The entire world is about to forget that Marinette Dupain-Cheng is Ladybug.
Marinette: Wait, everyone? Can't some people still know?
Maria: That's not how the spell works.
Marinette: So Adrien is going to forget about everything we've ever been through?
Maria: Stop tampering with the spell.
Marinette: Oh, my God. Alya. She's my best friend. And my parents should really know!
Maria: Stop talking!
Marinette: What just happened?
Maria: We tampered with the stability of spacetime. The multiverse is a concept about which we know frighteningly little.
Maria: The problem is you trying to live two different lives. The longer you do it, the more dangerous it becomes.
Maria: Be careful what you wish for, Mary.
Nicolai Technus: Hello, my dear.
The Anime Cinematic Universe: The Suicide Squad
[The Magical Girl King, aka, Kaname Asagiri is sitting alone in the square space, playing a rubber ball. Saw a bird and toss the ball to the wall for a ricochet kill. Cornelia li Britannia appears through the door]
Asagiri: I got another 15
Britannia: Not today, you don't. You're up. [They leave to a medical office] You know the deal; successfully complete the mission, you get ten years off your sentence. You fail to follow my orders in any way and I detonate the explosive device in the base of your skull.
Doctor: [Asagiri been implanted with the bomb] Good dog.
[They leave, in gear of a businessman with Cornelia leading the way to meet Gino Weinberg]
Britannia: We are a black ops unit. [voice over] Meaning, nothing you see here ever happened.
Weinberg: Magical Girl King, MGK.
Britannia: [voice over] Your commanding officer will be Captain Gino Weinberg.
Weinberg: Or would you rather be called Kaname?
Asagiri: I'd rather not be called at all. But I'll do anything to get out of this hellhole.
Weinberg: Well, welcome to "anything".
[Through out the shot, the official team is in gear and ready to combat]
Asagiri: So this is the famous "Suicide Squad".
Weinberg: Well, we consider that term degrading. The official term is "Task Force X". And love 'em or hate 'em, these are your brothers and sisters for the next few days.
Anderson: [teasing to shoot] Oh! Whoa.
Foxy: [Leaving the military truck] Fueh-feh-feh-feh!
Weinberg: [Leading the pack with introduction to each member to the carrier]. Spring Maiden [aka Vernal Branwen]. Trans Guard [aka Alice Anderson]. Temari [aka Susamaru]. Angel of Death [aka Isaac Zack Foster]. JB [aka Wonderful Gocche]. Silver Fox [aka Foxy]. And of course...
[Himiko Toga enter the carrier]
Toga: Hey, guys! Sorry I'm late. Had to go number two.
Weinberg: [Disgusted] Good to know.
Toga: Gino. Oh, sorry. Comin' through. Hey, Vernal.
Branwen: What are you doing back in prison, Himiko?
Toga: Killed some publisher at Deika City. [Going through everyone and hits Asagiri with her bag] Oh! So, sorry. Comin' through!
Gocche: [Helping Anderson with her seatbelts] Turn it around. There. No.
Anderson: There? Here?
Gocche: Put it in there. Now you're safe.
Anderson: All right. Thanks, man.
Pilot: [Start flying away] Prepare for liftoff. And away we go.
-Toga and JB
-Branwen
-...have they worked before?
-Not yet. I'm excited.
-What does MGK do again?
-It's Kaname Asagiri. He used Magical Girl technology and master strategist.
-Yeah, well, I'm putting 20 on him that he's gonna bite it.
-Me too. And Silver Fox, Spring Maiden, and Temari.
-Yeah, I think...
-Is Temari a Demon or a Mutant?
Britannia: What are you doing?
-Oh. Hey.
-Just making sure everything was ready to go.
-Good meeting, everybody. Just our normal, casual morning meeting.
-Yeah, I just gotta, uh, do this thing.
-Nothing weird about it.
-Okay.
-Oh, yeah.
Britannia: [Grabs the radio] Weinberg.
[At the carrier]
Weinberg: Yeah, we're T-minus five from the drop.
Britannia: Get the whole team safely to that beach, Captain. You will receive further orders once there.
[Branwen smirks while Asagiri isn't impressed]
Branwen: We're in a butcher's freezer, Himi. Surrounded by dead hogs hangin' on hooks. Only they don't know it yet.
Toga: Leave them alone, Vern.
Foster: What does JB stand for?
Gocche: What?
Foster: Your name is JB, correct?
Gocche: Yeah.
Foster: And it stands for what?
Gocche: It's my Villain Name.
Foster: Your Villain Name is letters?
Branwen: All names are letters, dumbass.
[Toga and Foster look at each other's weapon of choice]
Toga: I love your work from America.
Foster: America love serial killers.
Toga: They do. Because I'm very popular over there.
[Foxy is snoring]
Anderson: Is he a pirate?
Branwen: What?
Anderson: Is he a pirate?
Branwen: A... a pirate?
Anderson: Yes.
Branwen:: What kind of pirate do you think he is, girl?
Anderson: I don't know, I'm only familiar with Warlords and Emperors.
Gocche: I'm gonna go with Brazilian drug lord.
Branwen: Since when does a Brazilian drug lords have such big noses and pointy hair?
Toga: Oh, my God, is he part of the Beast Pirates? I've wanted to meet a Beast Pirate forever.
Anderson: [Freaking out] Yo, they sat me next ot a Beast Pirate?
Gocche: Doesn't seem right.
Anderson: Hey, let me out. I do not fuck with Kaido.
Weinberg: Hey, hey, he's not a Beast Pirate, okay! He's harmless. I mean, he's not harmless, he killed 27 people, but, you know, we go him to... I think he's agreed to do this. Whatever the case, just everyone get into position to drop.
[Everyone start to drop into the water]
Foxy: Wait! Wait! Wait! I thought we were being drop off at a beach!
[Foxy been forced off]
Weinberg: Did anyone check on whether Silver Fox could swim?
[Asagiri went to save Foxy and swim back at the beach for a check-up]
Asagiri: Foxy is dead! I repeat, Silver Fox is dead.
Britannia: Northeast, all clear. Approach the shore. Over.
Weinberg: MGK, hold your position.
Asagiri: Roger that. [Everyone is reaching the beach] Beneathers.
[Everyone is in position behind boulders and the bay]
Weinberg: Cornelia, we're on the beach and dry.
[Toga laughs. Anderson leave his position]
Branwen: [Whisper] Trans Guard! Get down, you...
Anderson: [Loud] Hey, girls! Hey.
Branwen: [Whisper] ...there's fucking soldiers everywhere!
Anderson: You can come out now, it's just me.
Weinberg: What the fuck is Trans Guard doing?
Anderson: I'm the one who contacted you!
Foster: Is this what's supposed to happen?! What the fuck?!
Weinberg: Trans Guard, get back to your position!
Anderson: Look, look. I brought everybody, look. They're right behind me. Whoa! Hey! Hey, girls. Whoa! We got a deal, right? Uh... uh...
Weinberg: Cornelia, we're made.
Anderson: I'm a girl like all of you!
[Anderson been shoot at the face]
Weinberg: Trans Guard, sold us out. She contacted the fucking Amazon Lily Army! Cornelia, we need to retreat.
Britannia: Negative, Weinberg. The mission is too important. This is a tough group. You can make it.
Toga: Okey-doke.
Weinberg: Lady Cornelia, with all due respect, we're in the middle of a goddamn... [Himiko grabs a rocket launcher and fired] Toga, wait!
Toga: Whoo-hoo!
[War zone]
-Zero-two-two-seven is wide open.
-Captain, dispatch Jiggle Butt.
Weinberg: JB, two o'clock!
Toga: Jiggle Butt is his Villain Name? [Gocche goes to a nearby fire and turned around for a squating position then farted out for an improv flamethrower] What the fuck?
Weinberg: I didn't pick the damn team!
Susamaru: Don't worry, Gino! I got the bird!
Weinberg: Temari. Don't!
[Susamaru terribly brought down the chopter while killing Branwen, and herself]
Toga: Vernal!
[Chaos. Foster and Gocche been shot to death. Asagiri is terrified and leave the beach and tried to leave the mission by swimming]
-Asagiri is off the rails.
Britannia: Asagiri, turn back. Asagiri. Asagiri, I'm warning you, this is desertion. Asagiri! This is your last chance. Turn back around. You are in violation of your agreement!
[Open the briefcase to reveal switches]
Asagiri: Oh, please! No.
Britannia: Damn it.
[Turn the switch to blow Asagiri head off while swimming]
Britannia: How's Team Two holding up?
-Team Two, check. Set point bravo. All troops on the south beach are engaged. Team Two is clear to go on the north beach.
[Two-Hand Revy, aka Rebecca Lee appear from the water]
Britannia: Congratulations, Two-Hand Revy
Lee: How you do it, Britannia? There's no soldiers out here on patrol at all.
Britannia: Let's just say they were distracted.
[Behind Rebecca Lee, team two appears; Calamity Mary, aka, Naoko Yamamoto; Hellhound, aka, Loona; Frog Witch, aka, Eruka; and Heavy Metal Siren, aka, Ember McLain. Walking next to Rebecca Lee, in their gear. Title screen appears behind them]
The Magical Girl Cinematic Universe: The Miraculous Ladybug & the Adventures of Cat Noir
Ladybug swings into the top of the Gabriel Tower. Going through an window, safely. Gabriel Agreste, wearing his Hawk Moth suit minus the helmet.
Gabriel: Good evening, Marinette.
Marinette: I'm here to stop you, Hawk Moth!
Gabriel: Of course you are, but that name is meant for Cat Noir to say. But for you... you can call me the Collector. I was wondering why you're here?
Marinette: The Collector? You mean the big boss that's selling the Akuma weapons?
Gabriel: The very same, Marinette.
Marinette: Look what you're doing to Adrien.
Gabriel: I'm doing this because I want to help him achieve his dreams on becoming a superhero.
Marinette: He can still be one. Just stop selling the Akuma weapons and please stop attacking your son.
Gabriel: You don't get it. I was sending them all out there, every week, sending a new "supervillain" to attack him. A monster of the week type of thing. A stage attack with faulty tech for my son to beat them and save the day. Or me, sending out butterflies to inject negativity and my sellers, providing the tech that match their personalities. My son, or my "archnemesis" Cat Noir will beat them or spew out the "power of friendship". I get the petty criminals out of jail and give them a small fortune to enjoy their lives. And his friends can live in a happy life. But then you showed up. Made my son look like a fool. A damsel in distress. Bringing down my entire organization and plot, and start rewriting it in your image. Taking down my Akuma's every week.
Marinette: But this monster of the week thing, you're taking it too literally. All of the other Magical Girls stories about them fighting monsters every week is just... stories. You can't keep sending out criminals after your son. It's start breaking him down. He even start calling himself Felix.
Gabriel: [Concerned and confused]. What did you say?
Marinette: Felix. He even call himself Felix Agreste sometimes.
Gabriel: [Walk over his desk then sat down in sorrow]. Felix Graham de Vanily. Fun fact for you, he was the one he came up the name and idea of Cat Noir. Before the accident.
Marinette: I saw Felix Graham de Vanily earlier today. He just posted a new video.
Gabriel: But to Adrien, he believe from a suit test run that my wife once made. Because of that suit test run, my wife is in a coma then send Felix to the hospital. Adrien believed his killed both of them, he doesn't believe that Felix is alive and that is just a look alike. Adrien told me that he'll make sure that nobody else gets hurt, but thanks to me, a controlled environment but yet, I'm helping him. But now... hearing what I had been doing to him, I guess it's time to end this. I must thank you, Ladybug. [Pressed a button on his computer desk]. Activate, Protocol: Metamorphosis.
Marinette: So you're gonna turn yourself to the authorities, and telling your son about this insane plan?
Gabriel: That Was the original ending to this journey, but now, seeing that my son is on the brink of insanity, the only ending I see is him... killing his own father.
Intercom: [All over the building]. Protocol: Metamorphosis had been activated. You have one hour to leave Gabriel.
Marinette: What's "Protocol: Metamorphosis"?
Gabriel: I'm gonna blow my entire Gabriel building, and inspired Adrien to beat me then reveal my identity. If you're wondering about my entire staff, don't. There's enough time for them to fully evacuate from the building. And... [Gabriel grab his cane and slams it down to activate an EMP-like to affect Marinette's Ladybug to turn her back to normal]. I did say my Akuma tech is faulty but it's faulty for my son to beat yet still provide a challenge for him, but I didn't say it's a perfect tech to combat against Magical Girls and their tech. [Mechanical hawk moth wings attach onto Gabriel back when he put on his helmet]. Time for my son to become the hero.
Gabriel flies away while Marinette try to stop him.
Marinette: WAIT!
MGCU: The Miraculous Ladybug and the Alchemist Knight
The First Meeting
[Marinette looks awe-inspired after seeing Ulysses in full gear but minus the hat].
Marinette: [Mutters] Ulysses...?
Ulysses: [Offers his hand]. Montmorency de Ulysses. [Marinette accepted]. But feel free to call me Ulysses.
Luna: He's from France, just not in this time period.
Marinette: You mean you're from the future? Time travel?
Luna: No. He's in fact from the past. During the Hundred Year War.
Marinette: But your powers... it seems so advanced compared to most of us Magical Girls.
Ulysses: Because my powers is a form of alchemy.
Marinette: If you're from the Hundred Year War, then did you know Joan of Arc?
Ulysses: Yes. But it seems that the modern day love to misspelled or bastardize her name in English. It's spelled, Jeanne d'Arc.
Marinette: Right. I'm French. Actually, I'm a French Magical Girl.
Ulysses: I can see that. Saint d'Arc would be happy to see that. And Saint d'Arc is a lovely girl who fought for this beautiful country.
Marinette: But how did you got here?
Ulysses: I met a Maiden Witch somewhere in France, and claims that I'm an evil alchemist, try destroying him but I counter it for a spell of my own. Not a powerful power spell since a Maiden Witch is far beyond powerful than a traditional one. And when I woke up, I found myself in the future. Seeing monsters but seeing different kind of witches, fighting them. But before I met the Maiden Witch... I wasn't there for the execution of her death. And I try to change that part of the past but I couldn't. Then the Maiden Witch told me that I can't change the past and moved on. So I'm seeing a bunch of Magical Girls being what Jeanne would had been happily to see. If she was here.
Marinette: So what is your mission now?
Luna: Gabriel's personal assistant, Ms. Nathalie Sancoeur, is continuing on his work, but replace Cat Noir. We asked Adrien about his father but didn't get anything new. Then we been following her and she's going under the codename, Mayura. And her plan is something called, "Operation Catalyst".
Marinette: Trying to make Adrien a big time superhero again?
Ulysses: Not Adrien this time but her apprentice, Lila Rossi.
Luna: An Italian student with Magical Girl tech that resemble yours. She goes by the codename, Volpina.
Marinette: Must be Akuma tech since it can rival any MG tech.
Ulysses: Very impressive. Usually it's either witches or alchemists have such power. But Agreste must had some access of such power.
Marinette: So what's Operation Catalyst?
Luna: It's a massive mass murdering operation. What we found on them is that Ms. Sancoeur is planning on making her apprentice the hero. I guess Ms. Sancoeur just took some ideals from her boss, Mr. Agreste but add her own mix to it.
The Reveal
[Ulysses glides onto the building then Lila Rossi as Volpina stalks him, resulting Ulysses used his alchemy to hold her in place. From the shadows, Nathalie Sancoeur as Mayura reveal herself in the shadows with multiple soldiers]
Mayura: What brings you here... Ulysses?
Ulysses: Just to tell you that I got all of the details.
All of soldiers withdraw and start showing their applause while Ulysses let go of Volpina.
Mayura: What did you find out?
Ulysses: I can only managed to get only Marinette there, while other Magical Girls will be busy. And... [Ulysses pressed a button from his phone] I made sure that another battle royale had started in Japan as we speak.
Mayura: That's great to hear. You'll keep her busy while we make Lila here a real MG.
Ulysses: Yeah... about that. We got to reshift the plan as much as possible, because they know Operation: Catalyst. I had to lure them in somehow, but after seeing what this fruad MG of Ladybug can do, I'm not too worry about her. Volpina here can take her on.
Mayura: I'm only doing this for Mr. Agreste. I wanted Adrien but...
Ulysses: But zip it! I was only doing this for Gabriel. I didn't do it for another Magical Girl.
Volpina: Do you have a problem with Magical Girls?
Ulysses: Yes. But not gonna take it out on you. Right now, we're gonna make both Ulysses the Alchemist Knight, and the Fox Magical Girl, Volpina. This is a world where Magical Girls write all of the rules! And people like me, Alchemists, or this lamer titled, "Magical Boys" are being alienated because we don't fit their vision. I don't care because I got my own plan.
Mayura: Which is?
Ulysses: You'll know when I'm ready to reveal.
Lady Noir vs. Ulysses
[Marinette, in Lady Noir gear, had enter Notre-Dame de Paris. Marinette cat crawling on the walls].
Ulysses: [Voiced over]. Ladybug, or should I call you a Witch? But, since you're not a real Magical Girl. You're just a Witch with MG technology.
Lady Noir: Yeah. But I also know that you're not Montmorency de Ulysses. But you're really Gilles de Rais. The child serial killer, rapist, demon summoner, and an illegal alchemist.
Ulysses: Oh. You know about that? [Illusion of the Hundred Year War. Ulysses with children being pulled away, and demon summoning]. For some reason doing some little demonic occult at the side is a big crime today. What's wrong on doing some demonic summoning? As for the child killing, guilty. But it's lie giving boys MG tech, which I did. I gave some MG tech to some boys as an experiment means, but it doesn't mean I'm Satanist for that.
[Glyph appeared and blast her away]
Lady Noir: I thought you were Magical Boy? Or at least care about Magical Girls since Jeanne d'Arc would had.
[Illusion of different Magical Girls being held on the stake, ready to be burned alive]
Ulysses: Never much care about them since I'm planning on betraying Sancoeur. [Stakes for Mayura] She's technically a "Magical Girl" and her little fox. But that plan will happen after I infiltrate the Magical Girl's Sailor Guardian through Volpina getting in. [Volpina with the Sailor Guardians being burned on the Moon's surface]. Because once I get access, I'll finally accomplish multiple goals.
Lady Noir: Which are?
[Lady Noir turned around to see Earth on fire with the Magical Girls being burned on the stake next to her]
Ulysses: Killing all witches or to modern day people, "Magical Girls", because this world wasn't fond with witches from my era. When they killed Jeanne d'Arc. [Jeanne (Ulysses version) being burned alive]. She was no witch. She was an ordinary girl wanted to bring peace and love, but everyone hated her. She was the perfect idea, but now that you Magical Girls are ruining the idea of Peace and Love, and none of you don't care about her, then I'll burn the entire world because they were Capt'n d'Arc final orders when she was being burned alive. Her final words are her regretting everything. [Jeanne mouthing the final orders while being burned alive]. And from what the Devil showed me in my dreams, is her burning people in Hell. She became this sickening version of what she was, because what they had done. [Jeanne (Drifters version) in Hell]. She's in Hell because of those people! But now... those same people are celebrating "Magical Girls", but to me, you're all Witches compared to her. She's the real Magical Girl!
[Ulysses dives down and try some spells, but Lady Noir dodges and fight it out]
Lady Noir: Is that why you're a child serial killer because she died? Created the Magical Girls death games at Japan because you resent them? Gave Agreste the Akuma technology?
Ulysses: Gabriel... I respect him and what he was doing. Until you ruined that for him and Adrien. I used my demon summoning to infuse with his Akuma technology. But now you have to die. But I'll have fun with your remains, since... what do some, what my soldiers said to me centuries ago? "I'm a demented sick, son of a bitch"? If you read my history? Then you know what's gonna happen to you next. [Lady Noir had Glyphs around her wrists and ankles then be tossed around the Notre-Dame. Lady Noir managed to clawed Ulysses]. Guess I should burn you in this beautiful place that Jeanne deserved to see, and I'll take it away from you people. Nobody don't deserve to see it if Capt'n d'Arc can't see it. [Ulysses cast a Glyph on the floor to hold Lady Noir down while he cast some fire around Notre-Dame]. But if there's some truth from out time together, I really am sorry but I'm doing this for Jeanne.
MGCU: Magica
Kyubel
[Homura Akemi and Rika Furude enter the Cathedral of All Magic. Both of them look around till...]
Kyubel: Hey, y'all!
Rika: You again?
Kyubel: Welcome to the Cathedral of All Magic.
Homura: Come on.
Kyubel: Congratulations. Y'all had an awfully long journey to get here. She's impressed.
Rika: Who's impressed?
Kyubel: The Great Witch.
Homura: And who is she?
Kyubey: She created all and she controls all. At the end, it is only the Great Witch. And she wants to offer you a deal. She's been making a few creative adjustments, and she's worked it out so we can reinsert both of you into the Magica Timeline in a way that won't disrupt things.
Rika: "Won't disrupt things"?
Kyubey: Yes. The Circle of Witches can keep doing its vital work and y'all can live the lives you've always wanted.
Homura: And what have we always wanted?
Kyubey: Don't play coy with me, Akemi. You know how you got into this mess.
Homura: What?
Kyubey: Both of you wanted to leave your predestination paradox, doome to witness all of the horrible stuff. The small town of Hinamizawa where changes can happen but still yet won't effect the Magica Timeline. Revive Madoka Kaname? Sure. Want all of your friends to live together and be happy? Yes. Both of you get the happy ending. So what do you say? So we all agreed to this arrangment? End the cycle of death in order to live in pure love and family, like a true magical girl ending.
Homura: Both of us? Happy ending?
Kyubey: It's crazy, but she could make it work. All of it. Everything. Exactly the way you've always wanted. And you can have it all.
Rika: It's fiction.
Homura: We write our own happy ending.
Kyubey: Oh, sure you do. Good luck with that.
The Great Witch
[The Great Witch walked around her couch while both Homura and Rika go to the chairs at each side. In front of the Great Witch, a box television set]
The Great Witch: I've been given many titles. The Momentary Dark King. The Dimension Witch. A Creator. The Great Witch.
Rika: We're asking for a proper name.
The Great Witch: Okay. Then pick a name on which seems appropriate for you. I'll go in order; Setsuna Meiou; Yuko Ichihara; Ikuko Hachijo; Eua. Pick whatever name suits you.
Homura: Did you say, Setsuna Meiou? As in, Sailor Pluto?
The Great Witch: Yes. But she's a... how can I say this? A partial part of myself. A manifestation of what part of me being placed into that time period. A Sailor Guardian of Space and Time? Talk about a powerful being. I had to placed a rule onto each manifestation. Setsuna, can't used her powers to break reality and the paradox or else she single handedly destroyed the universe. Every dark matter across the stars being forced to be rip apart to make a universal scar. No Sailor Guardian isn't that powerful, not even Cosmos. And since Pluto isn't a planet, depends on the time period, I manipulate the memories for her. The green hair is just me being different. Plus, if I let remnants of her Sailor Powers remaining, then everyone would had learn the Secrets of Time.
Rika: If you don't want everyone to have such power, then why are we here?
The Great Witch: I want to hear your creative ideas. You two had created your own paradox without my influence on power. You two are the most powerful beings in the universe. The most powerful Magical Girl, Homura Akemi. The Magica Girl of Time. And the most powerful Witch, Rika Furude. The Witch of Miracles, or Bernkastel as her Witch name. Both of you, enemies to one another but wanted to have a different future from the one I present you. I still recommend on taking my offer from Kyubel, because my counter offers are the... bad ending to the Magica Timeline.
Homura: Give us what we wanted?
Rika: We want everyone to have a happy life. Not just our own.
The Great Witch: Such a boring world. That's literally my very first program I ever written. It's so boring, I ended up hanging myself from pure boredom.
Rika: What's wrong on that ending? That life with little conflict, it can satisfied anyone. A slice of life.
The Great Witch: Because little conflict can always have easy resolution.
Homura: Magical Girls doesn't have such resolution, I had literally died over and over again just to get here. I had to fight Ms. Furude here till she told me her story.
The Great Witch: Your conflict is different. In fact, did you know that your powers is the remnants of the legendary Sailor Guardian, Pluto? All Magical Girls technology and abilities are just remnants of the original Sailor Guardians. The only beings that seem to be the source of the Moon itself are those Pretty Cure MG's. I dabble with Tuxedo Mask's abilities and thus slowly creating Magical Boys or MB's for short. Then one day... I had an accident during your time as a Magical Girl, Ms. Akemi. I accidentally killed the original Madoka Kaname. But seeing you, had changed my mind. I was gonna reverse it and retcon it but your determination on protecting her and thus created your own predestination paradox. I didn't do that by choice. But thanks to that accident, I created a brand new era of MG's. Thus you... created that story of a Magical Girl. Madoka is destined to die right in front of you. No matter what, her living is the bad ending of the Magica Timeline. So I turned Madoka the first Magical Girl Goddess. Not even the legendary Sailor Guardian, Moon didn't achieved that goal. Thus, it solved one of the biggest plot holes from her era. Saturn. Moon had created immortals in her revival ceremony thus getting rid of the idea of Saturn's one job description in her title; Death and Rebirth. Because the Magical Girls we had created is the reason why her job is done. Saturn is forever dead with the Outer Guardians. Their jobs are down. And what happen to everyone during her Thousand Years Sleep? You and every other MG came after had killed them all. So in a way, we had created a happy ending where everyone gets to live and never die. It's a shame, but isn't that the goal? Make sure everyone is happy and living, forever.
Rika: That solves the Magical Girls problem, but what about My problem?
The Great Witch: Yes. Hinamizawa. Simple answered. Even before the Magica Timeline, beyond the start of the timeline, I had this feeling of keeping one person in that place at all time. And your resolution is easy, you and all of your friends can just leave. Except one.
Rika: So I'm destined to stay there forever?
The Great Witch: No. I'm keeping the most dangerous person in that little town. Because if she gets out, then she'll become the most powerful Witch, even the Sailor Guardians won't be able to stop. And I would had love to see how it turned out. But I had to keep her there. Forever.
Rika: Who is it? Rena? She's a psychopath, created multiple mass murderings. Is it Shion? She's crazy for Satoshi but it is for a cause. To cure the Hinamizawa Syndrome. And you allow Ms. Takano to cause this much carnage to me and my friends? To what she had done to my town, and you allow that to keep happening? Just trap her there. Trap her because she's the source of all my problems at Hinamizawa, she's the one you wanted to trap.
The Great Witch: It's not her.
Rika: Then... [realized] what did Satoko do?
The Great Witch: More like what do you didn't do. I had a glimpse of another universe and timeline where it's just you and your friends, and what I saw was the most entertaining experience. She's the most fun, but yet, if I let her live, Satoko would have killed the Sailor Guardians, and thus the Magical Girls wouldn't rise and Witches would continue on their dominance. If there's no Magical Girls. Then there's no Homura Akemo. And no Madoka Kaname to save. Such a shame. And even if I had updated the Sailor Guardians from their 90's to 2010's, Satoko would still managed to find a way to kill them all. Thus Sailor Saturn will continue her job till she decided to end the Magica Timeline and restart all over again. Rinse and repeat with their minds act like nothing ever happen. But I think about the creed of a magical girl since they all want the same thing; "Every one gets a happy ending". So I sacrificed everyone for those who gets a happy ending in the end. Oddly but turns out it's for the right reason. The Spec-Ops. The website. Raising Project. They'll kill each other and because each Sailor Guardian remnant is in Japanese Magical Girl branch, meaning their powers is lived through them unlike other Magical Girls from all around the world. That bug girl from Paris? Artificial. The Nigerian girl who was inspired by a revolutionary? Artificial. The giantess girl who became the Princess of Power? Artificial. Those girls are nothing more but fakes. They're nothing more than a Witch wearing pretty, flashy clothes. But there's some Witches are trying to live up their titled and using old magic to a dying art. The witches from Luna Nova. The Virgin Witch. Those Fairies across Europe. The Guardians of Kandrakar. All of them are living in old magic, speaking of which... that giantess I mentioned, she's a reincarnate of an old universal legend. Just minus the twin brother.
Rika: You said, we here for creative ideas. What can I do to prevent Satoko being the cause of the Magical Girl's deaths?
The Great Witch: You're already did. Living a hundred years to repeat the same month, over and over again.
Rika: I want Satoko to live with me at St. Lucia Academy.
The Great Witch: I wouldn't recommend that. Because that would only create the Embodiment of Tragedy. The Witch of the Absolute, Lambdadelta. And later on, Lambdadelta will give birth to the Twins of Thanatos and Hades. With those two, they'll create a world of absolute Despair. I had seen what those twins do, and they were just high school students when they destroyed their world. And from what I seen afterwards, there's no Magical Girls came to save the day. Ever.
Rika: Is there a way she can join me in at St. Lucia?
Homura: What's the deal Kyubel wanted to make?
The Great Witch: Guess I should had tell you that. Well, that's a deal but if I'm gonna be honest, you Ms. Furude might not like it.
Rika: What part of it?
The Great Witch: All of it. Because I thought of the idea of Satoko going to St. Lucia, but she still need to stay at Hinamizawa. Because my offer is that Satoko and... you, Ms. Akemi, have to play the roles of the antagonists.
Rika: Antagonists? Isn't that what you wanted to avoid from Satoko.
The Great Witch: I don't want Satoko to leave Hinamizawa, I didn't say she can't be an antagonist. So I thought of it, but it might be risky. And as for you Ms. Akemi. The happy ending still might happen, I just need to trip one of the other Magical Girls I mentioned to start the killing of the remnants of Saturn. I call this the Rebellion arc.
Horuma: And how does these endings might cause the Happy Ending conclusion?
The Great Witch: Oh, as long they're destroying any Remnants of Saturn, then no one will die once Sailor Moon and the Guardians awaken from their Reincarnation Sleep. As long Saturn will lose her powers, then Death and Reincarnation will die forever.
Rika: And your job?
The Great Witch: Killing anything potential timelines that will ruined the Happy Ending.
Horuma: Then what about the Black Moon Clan? They time travel. Isn't that a crime?
The Great Witch: Again, I placed a piece of my soul into that point of time. How else do I get to correct the Magica Timeline to it correct course? It's not like they could had done anything in the future because there's literally nobody alive in the Universe since Immortality is for Earth and their Planets only. And since both Uranus and Neptune left their post because they were suffering the Immortal Madness, they travel throughout the entire Universe... to find a way to die. And Pluto, which is me, job is done and just relaxing. Saturn is completely dead, thanks to you Horuma, there's no point on having those three around. That's what happen when you involved time travel in the middle of the story, because you got to find a way to canon it all in the end with a neat bow.
Horuma: What about Sailor Chibi Moon disappearing after Galaxia collected her father's Star Seed?
The Great Witch: Pluto just placed her into the Spatial Time Crystal. Meaning she'll survive regardless. Because as long she's still visible to Pluto, then it means she's safe. Again, time travel can be a bitch when it coming up with a story when you place it in the middle.
Rika: So you lead the Dead Moon Clan into the 20th Century so they can die for the Happy Ending?
The Great Witch: Correct. Usagi made it challenging, and I had to grab all of her mails that Pluto had keep hidden away. Or else Usagi destroyed her only way for Earth's Happy Ending. Better than what I saw in other Universes... [The Great Witch felt something odd then looked at the Magica Timeline]. I guess... there's something had happen. [Sees two different Timeline strings going into the Magica Timeline]. I think... other Universes and Timelines are coming in, and I doubt I could fix it. Okay, how about this deal; kill me, and you won't have a couple of Devils running around but an entire different Universes Devils, coming in and killing everything that Sailor Moon worked so hard for. Or help me by accepting my offer. Because regardless, someone or people in your case, is dying here in order to reset the Magica Timeline. Because once I die... the Magica Timeline will have different kinds of Devils living with you. And you think keeping Satoko Hojo in Hinamizawa, then you don't want to meet the other Devils. That's how some monkey managed to got rid of one problem out of his Universe. They Journey of Ultraviolent Multiuniverse Punchout. Or JUMP for short, or at least that's what he named his Universe, but he got lazy on the naming and sticked with JUMP.
Horuma: Who's this Devil?
The Great Witch: Devils. And he got rid of a man named Erin Hunter or something like that. Maybe something German. But, what I'm saying that... the choice is yours. Happy Ending, or Eternal Death where it can only be on repeat with different results. The power of love and friendship, or the power of reality and bitterness? Which is it, girls? [The Great Witch looks back to see another timeline string coming in, then looks back to them]. Because they're coming in.
Yang and Quiet Blake
Respond to Criticism
[Yang Xiao Long and Blake Belladonna are looking at the fast food menus till Blake looks up on the internet]
Yang Xiao Long: Let's see if those fucks said something new about our latest Volume? [Both of them are listening while eating their fast food meal]. "...this is where we are after 8 years of the show's creators refusing to listen to any criticism or attempting to improve their craft in any way..."? Motherfuckers! It's time we wrote something back! Type this shit down. [Blake open up a new Reddit post on her cell]. "All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who refuse to listen to any criticism or can't improve your craft. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and a cry like little bitches. Once we find this Celtic Phoenix Production, and the rest of those greedy fucks who are rewriting our show. We're gonna make them eat our shit, then shit our shit, then eat their shit which is made of our shit that we made them eat. Then all you motherfuckers or "critics" are next. Love, Yang and Quiet Blake".
The Coalition of Creatures Kompassion
Lisa Lavender: I'm Diethard Ried with an exclusive news now bullentin. The provasik animal-testing facility in Boulder was the focus of an attack by a terroristic animal rescue syndicate calling themselves the Coalition of Creatures Kompassion. Or simply COCK In the video sent to authorities this morning credit for the liberation of multiple animals from the lab last night is taken by these women. Identified in literature that accompanied the tape as Yang and Quiet Blake, in this chilling clip they make it very clear that they are in control of the COCK
Distorted Voice: We are the COCK. None of you are safe. Now tremble before the might of our merciless leader.
Yang Xiao Long: I am the COCK commander!
Lisa Lavender: Terrifying. Now here to help us explain this footage is Federal Wildlife Marshal, Ruby Rose. Officer Rose, thanks for joining us. At this point, what can you tell us about the COCK?
Ruby Rose: From the intelligence we've been gathering, we've discovered that the COCK is actually a tiny offshoot of the PENIS
Lisa Lavender: Uh, the Protect the Endangered from the National Imprisonment Supremacist movement?
Ruby Rose: Exactly. Now the 2 women that you saw in the video, they go by the obvious codenames of "Yang" and "Quiet Blake". If anyone out there should come across them, or any other COCKies, please exercise extreme caution.
Nora Valkyrie: See? Told you that restraining order was a good idea.
Lisa Lavender: What response do you hope to elicit by putting this kind of pressure on the COCK?
Ruby Rose: It's a difficult situation. You don't want to rub the COCK the wrong way.
Raven Branwen: I'm so proud of my daughter right now.
Lisa Lavender: Is that your scroll, madam?
Ruby Rose: Oscar. Give me a friggin' break. I'm on my way. We've got 'em. They're in Utah. Citizens of Utah, stimulation of the COCK is not recommended.
Lisa Lavender: In the meantime, citizens of Utah, we recommend watching the full video of the COCK before interacting any COCKies.
Distorted Voice: We are the COCK. None of you are safe. Now tremble before the might of our merciless leader.
Yang Xiao Long: I am the master of the COCK! Remember this fucking face! Wherever you see COCK, You'll see this fucking face. I make that shit work! No one rules the COCK like me? Not these bitches here, none of you little bitches out there. I am the COCK commander! When it comes down to business, this is what I do; I punch it like this, ooh, you tiny fuck. Then I rub my nose.
Love Son
Yang Xiao Long: What the fuck are you waiting for? Get out there and give him the monkey. Look, Blake. Fuckin' maybe it ain't so bad up at that lab. Maybe they experiment on 'em by making 'em fuck a bunch of different good-lookin' monkeys. We don't know. You stay out of this, you weepy little chimp. Fuck, girl, I'm no strategist. You're the girl who makes the blueprints. I don't have the fuckin' smarts of a little... kid. [Leaving the diner]. Do not shoot! Don't shoot! We're just, uh, trying to take our son out of this hostile environment.
Sun Wukong: Their son?
Ruby Rose: Maybe they're one of those gay couples?
Yang Xiao Long: Yeah, we're gay. And this is our adopted love child. We're not from around here. Don't make us go back to our liberal city home with tales of prejudice and bigotry from in the heart of Utah.
Ruby Rose: Oh, God, this is the last thing I need. A bunch of uppity homosexuals shooting their mouths off to the liberal media that the Federal Wildlife Marshal Office presecutes gays.
Sun Wukong: Are you fuckin' crazy? Now, they may be gay, but that's not their son. That's the ape.
Ruby Rose: I think I would recognize an ape if I saw one, ok? And the only thing I do recognize right now is a political fiasco here. That I'm about to avoid by letting this butt-trucking Brady Bunch go.
Sun Wukong: Uh!
Ruby Rose: You are free to leave, ladies. Yes, you ladies.
Yang Xiao Long: So we can just go?
Ruby Rose: Yes, madam. Please accept my apologies for detaining you and your unorthodox but constitutionally protected family unit.
Sun Wukong: Un-fuckin'-believable.
Ruby Rose: I might add that's one fine-looking boy you're raising there.
Yang Xiao Long: Hell, yeah. That's cause he's from my egg. See, I got knocked up by our sexy friend of ours who I fuck on the side so I'm not to be all the way gay, but my kitty wife here, she's 100% queer. She loves the puss.
Ruby Rose: Well, she certainly looks insatiable. Bye-bye.
Yang Xiao Long: Bye-bye
[Both Yang and Blake left]
Ruby Rose: Well, it's not my way, but I'll be damned if there doesn't go one happy family. All right, gang. Let's just shoot some tear gas into the diner, and then, when the girls come out with the monkey...Suck beans! That was them, wasn't it?
"Kick Some Ass"
[Yang Xiao Long and Blake Belladonna are walking down from the movie studio. Jaune Arc walk behind them, at the side].
Jaune Arc: Well, ladies. You're rich. In love. And to top that off, you've got your own show. What more could two girls from Texas possibly want?
Yang Xiao Long: All those fucks to stop talking shit about us on the internet, for starters.
Jaune Arc: What do I keep telling you? There's not much you can do to stop that. Well, short of showing up at all their houses and beating the shit out of them, I guess.
[Jaune left the scene. Yang and Blake about to leave till an idea came in mind with a grin]
Yang Xiao Long: You know? With all that money we're gonna make, we can buy a lotta plane tickets.
[Yang and Blake goes to different places. They go to Canada to meat a chubby Aboriginal man, wearing a PWA shirt]
Yang Xiao Long: Do you go by... "Mr. Leaf Canary, founder, promoter and writer of Pro Wrestling of Animation"?
Mr. Canary: Yeah. You two work for me. Is there anything you want to know?
Yang Xiao Long: Not right now on that. Did you ever questioned or even show a smallest amount of criticism towards us being canon or not?
Mr. Canary: I didn't like the execution of it. Dialogue could just be fine or something rather than being vague guesses.
Yang Xiao Long: Really?
[Both Yang and Blake start beating the shit out of Mr. Canary in his backyard. They go to another Critic]
Yang Xiao Long: Did you questioned or can't support Rooster Teeth because we aren't an official couple?
Critic: Well yeah. Because I won't accept it over vague scenes. Or even show a lesbian couple kissing.
Yang Xiao Long: Really?
[They beat the shit out of the Critic. Afterwards, they start travelling and beat the shit out of other Critics. Both of them leave a movie theater with a sign that reads; Entry fee of movie ticket and a purchase of our latest T-shirt in order to watch Volume 9 after Volume 5. No refunds after ticket purchase]
Yang Xiao Long: YO! THE FINAL PARODY REENACTMENT TRAILER IS ABOUT TO PLAY! SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME!
The Magical Girl Cinematic Universe: The Miraculous Ladybug and the Spider Inspiration trailer
Marinette: Ever since I was given these powers. [Marinette in the rain. Leaping around Paris with Adrien. Being chased down]. I only had one week where my life felt normal. And that when you found out.
[Marinette goes to Maria's place]
Maria: When you botch that spell, where you want everyone forget that Marinette Dupain-Cheng is Ladybug. [Magical sphere. Plasimus attacks]. We start getting some visitors. From every Universe.
[Marinette vs. Nine]
Nicolai Technus: Hello, my dear. [Ladybug vs. Technus, highway fight. Hold Marinette down]. I'm not after you, my dear.
Marinette: I'm sorry, what's your name again?
Nicolai Technus: Doctor Nicolai Technus.
Marinette: [Giggles with Adrien and Alya]. Okay seriously, what's your actual name?
Maria: They are those out there where we need to send them back. So, Scooby-Doo this crap!
Adrien Agreste: You know, all of this is kind of your mess. I know a couple of magic words myself. Starting with, "please"
Maria: "Please", Scooby-Doo this crap.
[Nine and Voltex attacks]
Nicolai Technus: [Ladybug vs. Technus]. You're flying out into the darkness to fight ghosts.
Marinette: What do you mean?
Maria: They're all dying. [Marinette took an explosion]. Fighting heroes. It's their fate. I'm sorry kid.
Marinette: Yeah... me too.
Maria: Don't...!
[Ladybug vs. Maria the Virgin Witch]
Marinette: There have to be another way?!
Maria: There isn't. [Ladybug vs. Technus]. They're a danger to our Universe.
Nine: [Attacks] You're not taking this away from me!
Vlad Masters: Oh, hero. You're struggling for everything you want, while the world try to make you choose.
[Ladybug vs. Nine, Vortex and Wolfram]
Marinette: This is all my fault. I can't save everyone.
[Adrien falls. Marinette reach out]
[Marinette dives down and reach out for Adrien]
Maria: They're coming. And I can't stop them!