Disclaimer, Summary: See chapter 1.
Song Disclaimer: This song is either The Heart Of The Matter, or Forgivness
by Don Henley. It does not belong to us.
Author's Notes: It's me, Tigerwolf again. Ok. This is for drinktheposion
and anyone else who thought that we made a mistake about Spike's soul. When
we started writing this, Two To Go and Grave hadn't even aired yet. All we
knew was that Spike was getting a soul. So, we ran with it. This is the
result of that assumption. I'm sorry for everyone who got rather upset with
us because of something we didn't even know about at the time. Thank you
for reading this note.
Authors Notes 2: And a big thanks to Spooky-Girl for giving us the name and
artist of the song used at the beginning of each chapter. Although Spooky-
Girl thought that the title was "The Heart Of The Matter", and Julia
Nusbaum thought it was "Forgiveness". Either way, thanks you guys! =)
Actors/Authors: Tigerwolf as Spike, Tequila Sunrise as Buffy,
MissKitieFantastico as Willow (Additional characters are shared by all)
Title: The Heart Of The Matter
Chapter 2
I've been trying to get down To the heart of the matter But the flesh is so weak And the ashes all scatter But I think it's about Forgiveness, forgiveness Even if, even if You don't love me anymore
Buffy swallowed hard, knowing she gave a great impression of confidence, and knowing that Spike never had, nor would he ever swallow her bullshit.
"Xander still hates you."
His eyes clouded but he said cheerily, "I'd be disappointed with anything less."
"But he won't give you shit anymore. At least... Not too much. He understands what you mean- meant to me. Anya is demon-ee again. But... She won't do vengence." She opened the door.
Giles sat at a round table, books all around him. But not ancient ones. Spike looked closely at them. "Help For Recovering Addicts". [i]Must be for Red[/i]. As the Watcher looked up, surprise crossed his features, and sadness tinged his eyes. It faded however, to protective fierceness. As fiercely elegant as Giles always was, he acknowledged. Standing and taking a subtle fighting stance in one fluid motion, Giles said smoothly, "Well. Hello, Spike."
"Wa-Giles."
An awkward silence fell. Finally Giles cleared his throat, cleaned his glasses and said, "Well? Are you ready to kill us?"
Bitterness tinged Spike's response. "I didn't come for that, Rupe. I think... I think that I'm officially a clichee."
"What?"
"I didn't get the chip removed, Watcher. I got a soul reinstated."
Giles was dumbstruck, which looked rather funny on him. He motioned as if to remove his glasses, only then realizing that he had already removed them.
"A.. soul," he said finally. "Are you sure?"
Spike rolled his eyes and responded, "No, I have no clue what it feels like to hate yourself for your entire life. So how could I possibly know what it feels like to have a soul? Cause, heaven forbid that [i]I[/i] could ever get a second chance..." Tears had filled Spike's blue eyes again, and Buffy tried to stop his rant by placing a hand on his shoulder, but Spike shrugged it off. "Because no one would ever give old William the Bloody a second chance, no! He was never evil enough. You have to be the bloody Scourge of Europe to deserve a second, no, third chance!" Spike's body was shaking with a combination of rage and guilt. Finally the rage spent itself and Spike sank into a chair across the table from Giles, silent tears rolling down his pale cheeks.
Giles, for his part, was completely shocked at Spike's outburst. Not because he'd never blown up before, god knows he had, but because he hadn't been yelling at Giles, he had been yelling at himself. "Well," Giles said. "I think we can be certain that you do have a soul. Considering that you appear to be angrier at yourself than at us."
Buffy allowed a hand to rest on Spike's shoulder as she stood behind him. Trying to reassure him, without making it obvious to Giles that was what she was doing. Spike had finally calmed down, when the door opened, and another emotional outburst waiting to happen walked it. Spike looked up.
"L'il Bit?"
Spike stood to face her.
Dawn's ready smile faded off her face, and took a patented, teenaged, "I don't give a rat's butt about you, but I'm gonna make you feel like hell anyway" look. Her eyes fired, and she glared at Spike.
"Welcome home." The 'asshole' was unspoken, but heard clear as a bell.
Buffy looked nervously at her sister. "Dawnie... Spike is-"
"A grown vampire who can speak for himself if he even thinks he can defend himself." She folded her arms. "Well, Mr. Explanation?"
He needed to be delicate here. She didn't hate him. She was hurt. Well, bloody hell, so was he! "Listen, little bit. I never meant to hurt you-"
Dawn's fist cracked against his nose, much like Buffy's always had. Everyone in the shop stopped in surprise, and there were only two movements: Dawn quivering in rage, and Spike, wiping gently at the trickle of blood down his nose.
"Well you [i]DID[/i]!" She let out a choked sob and launched herself at him, gripping him in a tight hug.
Spike stared at the teen wrapped around his middle, crying. His arms snaked around her cautiously. "Nibblet, don't cry." He turned his face into her hair. [i]Hope she doesn't kill me for gettin' blood in it[/i]. "God, don't cry. It hurts." His own eyes welled when a wracking sob tore through her, as she tried to settle herself down.
Buffy frowned. She hadn't known the four months had been that hard on her little sister.
And her heart broke when Dawn looked up at Spike, eyes huge and watery and said hoarsely, "You aren't going to hurt her again, are you?" Her bottom lip trembled. "Hurt us?"
Spike looked down at the emotionally drained teenager in his arms, the tears threatening to fall again. "Never again, Niblet. Never again, I promise."
"And Spike keeps his promises," Buffy spoke up from behind him, offering a small smile. Spike looked back over his shoulder, giving the Slayer a grateful look, then back down at Dawn, who was now holding him even tighter, her head resting on his chest.
"The Slayer's right, Bit," he whispered. "Besides, you know I love you. And I wouldn't have left, except that I needed something."
"You know where the store is, so what did you need that took [i]four months[/i] to get? Where did you go? Austrailia?"
Spike chuckled a little. "Actually, I went to Africa, so you're not too far off."
"[i]AFRICA![/i]", Dawn blurted, pulling slightly away from the vampire. "What the.." She glanced at Buffy and Giles. "..heck were you doing in [i]Africa[/i]?"
"You want to tell her?", Spike asked, shooting Buffy a playful look.
"Oh no," Buffy said, allowing a smile to appear on her face for the first time since Dawn had come in. "By all means, it's your soul.. Oops."
Dawn pulled back and stared at Spike. "A soul! You have a soul? That's great!" She hugged him again. Spike blinked, that wasn't exactly the reaction he was expecting.
"You're not upset, Niblet?"
"Of course not," she said, hugging him again. Then she pulled back and narrowed her eyes. "Wait a minute. You can't lose the soul, can you? You don't have that clause, like Angel?"
Spike grinned. "If I did, I would have lost the bleedin' thing the moment you hugged me, L'il Bit."
At this, Dawn let out a squeal and completely knocked Spike over. The two of them were now on the floor, laughing. It was at this time, that Willow came in.
"Willow?" Buffy questioned.
"Hey Buffy." Willow smiled softly, stepping down into the Magic Box, hands full of books. "I just-- I just came to drop these off." She said quietly.
Stepping around Dawn and Spike, Willow dropped the books on the table Giles was occupying. He gave her a curious look before lowering his eyes to the texts.
"I d-don't need them anymore..." She said, eyes on her hands, wringing them together nervously.
"That's good Willow, thank you." Giles offered softly.
"I-I should be going. I don't want to bother you." Eyes on the floor, Willow made her way back to the door.
"Wait!" Dawn said, shooting up from the floor.
"Willow you don't have to go." Buffy said, reaching her hand out for the ex- witch.
"Yeah, Buffy's right, you should stay. Y'know, cuz... Spike's here! He came back." Dawn said enthusiatically, glancing down at Spike, who was picking himself off the floor.
"No." Willow turned around sharply, and she caught the disappointed look in Dawn's eyes. "I can't." She added, her eyes softening, and starting to water.
The guilt over what she had almost done, what she HAD done, was eating her alive. She couldn't be around them. They loved her, and she tried to kill them all, and she couldn't even look them in the eye. Never again.
"I- I'm sorry." Willow rushed out her apology, and bolted for the door, thowing it open and disappearing into the daylight.
"Well," Spike said, standing up and brushing himself off. "That broke the good mood."
"I should go after her," Buffy said, but Dawn stopped her. "Dawny, what is it?"
"Let's all go." She glanced at her vampire friend. "[i]All[/i] of us. Maybe Spike can help."
Spike looked at Buffy for permission, she nodded. "Good idea, Dawn. We'll all go." She turned to the former Watcher. "Giles? Wanna come with?"
Giles replaced his glasses and regarded the Slayer, her sister, and the vampire, then shook his head. "No, I should probably stay here untill Anya comes back. Since she and Xander have begun speaking to each other again, I've been doing alot more around the shop."
Spike glanced at the door, and the sunshine that was filtered through it. "If I'm going, I'd better take the sewers."
"We can come with you, Spike," that was Buffy, suprisingly. Even Dawn looked at her with a strange look on her face. She wasn't used to this "caring about Spike" side of her sister, yet. But she liked it.
"No need, Luv," Spike said, heading for the back room again, and the sewer entrance. "I'll meet you two girls there." Then, under his breath, "Gotta pick up my jacket, anyway."
Willow tossed her keyes on the table by the door, and then slammed the door shut. The entire walk, run rather, back to the house, she had been holding in her tears, but the moment she crossed the threshold, she couldn't any longer.
Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she raced up the stairs and into her bedroom. Gasping for air, she stopped, taking a look around her, realizing she didn't want to be here... the memories, they were just too much. Too much. Memories of her and Tara, the day she came back to Willow and the future that was finally back in Willow's grasp.
The bed. That damn bed! She was so happy, so happy... and he took it away from her. Wiped away everything Willow wanted-- [i]needed[/i]-- in her life, and she could never get it back.
She let out a loud sob, and ripped the comforter off that damn bed, proceed to rip it clean of everything until there was nothing left but the mattress. It didn't help. She could still smell her, everywhere, and FEEL her... Inside her head, in her heart, and in her body and it wouldn't go away!
Everything was tainted with Tara. The books on the shelves. The clock on the table. The pink pen on the desk with the feathered end. The brush on the nightstand that Tara used to comb Willows hair at night... Flashes of Tara ran through her brain and she couldn't make it stop. It wouldn't stop.
Willow would sit at the vanity and gaze at Tara through the mirror as she'd run the silver brush through her red locks, then run her hands through Willow's hair, so softly when she was finished...
"No!" She screamed, turning around, her arms flailing out at the vanity, wiping it clean. Glass and make-up tumbled to the floor, and an expensive, and fragile, blown glass figurine shattered upon impact.
She dropped to the floor, completely spent, tears running down her face, burning her cheeks and her eyes...
"Make it stop..." She whispered. "Please, I can't take it anymore..."
She curled up into a ball on the floor, sobbing, trying to make it go away with the sheer force of her will, but it wouldn't.
The grief, the pain, the regret, the guilt... it wouldn't go away.
Willow didn't even notice the soft footsteps on the plush carpeting, and the hand on her shaking shoulder... the voice, shushing her softly, telling her it would be alright.
"Easy, Red," Spike said, gently rubbing a hand on Willow's quaking back. "Shh. It's okay."
Willow didn't look at him. "They won't go away...", she mumbles through her tears, curling up more.
"Who won't go away?", Spike asked gently.
"Them... I hurt them... and she.. I can't get her out of my head!", Willow said, as she slammed her fist into the floor.
"Them? The Scoobies?" Spike lifted her chin. "Red, look at me. Are you talking about the scoobies?"
Willow looked at him, then, in an almost inauditable whisper,"yes".
Spike sat down next to her. "Look, pet. I know it's bad..."
"You know!?", Willow interrupted him. "How could you possibly know..." She paused for a moment, sensing his soul for the first time. Then, in a quieter voice, "Spike, please help me."
Spike did the first thing he could think of, he pulled the former witch into a hug right there on the floor, gently rocking back and forth.
"...please...", Willow whispers again. About that time, Spike senses another presence, and sees Buffy and Dawn standing in the doorway.
Buffy took in the sight of Willow in Spike's arms sobbing, and her heart broke. Falling on her knees next to them, she wrapped both her arms around Willow. Dawn did the same thing on Willow's other side. The youngest girl was crying right along with Willow.
"I miss her, too, Will." She sniffled largely. "We always watched cartoons, and movies on Saturday."
Buffy said quiletly, "I told her about Spike first. She helped me... Helped me heal..." Tears rolled slowly down the slayer's cheeks. "Can we... Willow, can we mourn with you? Can we all heal together?"
Willow shook her head, still sobbing. "It still hurts... I can't... Just... forget!"
"We don't want to forget. Never. It'll hurt. But we can remember all the good things about Tara. Can we remember how great she was with you, Willow?" This, from Spike, as he ran a hand down her hair softly. "We can help eachother. We can help you. You can help us."
Willow glanced up at the vampire, noticeing the tears glistening in his blue eyes, she attempted to wrap her arms around Spike, Buffy, and Dawn all at once. The four friends held on to each other.
After a long while, they broke the hug and simply sat together on the floor. After awhile, Willow spoke up. Her eyes were still red with tears, but she was making an effort.
"So, Spike," she began, her voice hoarse from all the crying. "You have a soul now?"
Spike attempted a grin, it came out more like a grimmace. "Yeah. Leave it to me to make myself into a poofter."
"I don't think you're a "poofter"," Dawn said, leaning against the vampire. "Whatever that means."
Spike chuckled and slipped an arm around the younger Summers. "It means that I'm like my grandsire, the Great Poof, Angel."
Buffy tried, unsuccessfully to hide a smile, then, to her suprise as much as the others, said, "You forgot to call him a wanker.."
Everyone looked at Buffy for an incredulous moment, then they all, even Willow, burst into a laughing fit. A few much needed moments of laughter later, Buffy looked at the circle of friends and she smiled. "I think if we had a map, this would be Step in The Right Direction One." She kissed her sister's forehead, then Willow's. "I love you guys so much." She looked at Spike over their heads. "So much. We can do this together."
Her heart felt lighter. It still hurt, but... As if knowing she was healing, she felt better. The glimmer of hope in Willow's eyes was fragile, but it was there, and everyone felt it. This was a step in the right direction.
TBC....
Hey all! Sunrise here. Look, I know this isn't the most original idea, but we think it's a really good story. And remember! *Wink* Shakespere never wrote anything original either, he just wrote it better! And who do we ALLLL study in ninth grade now? Not some guy who did a 'sailing' version of R&J. No! We study the LAND LUBBER ITALIAN version (which, kicks ass, btw). See? People don't need to be original. Just better. lol Sorry. Felt like saying that. You guys are such nice reviewers! Buffy fans are the best out there at it. Seriously. So keep it up! We appreciate it!
Always. Tequila Sunrise
I've been trying to get down To the heart of the matter But the flesh is so weak And the ashes all scatter But I think it's about Forgiveness, forgiveness Even if, even if You don't love me anymore
Buffy swallowed hard, knowing she gave a great impression of confidence, and knowing that Spike never had, nor would he ever swallow her bullshit.
"Xander still hates you."
His eyes clouded but he said cheerily, "I'd be disappointed with anything less."
"But he won't give you shit anymore. At least... Not too much. He understands what you mean- meant to me. Anya is demon-ee again. But... She won't do vengence." She opened the door.
Giles sat at a round table, books all around him. But not ancient ones. Spike looked closely at them. "Help For Recovering Addicts". [i]Must be for Red[/i]. As the Watcher looked up, surprise crossed his features, and sadness tinged his eyes. It faded however, to protective fierceness. As fiercely elegant as Giles always was, he acknowledged. Standing and taking a subtle fighting stance in one fluid motion, Giles said smoothly, "Well. Hello, Spike."
"Wa-Giles."
An awkward silence fell. Finally Giles cleared his throat, cleaned his glasses and said, "Well? Are you ready to kill us?"
Bitterness tinged Spike's response. "I didn't come for that, Rupe. I think... I think that I'm officially a clichee."
"What?"
"I didn't get the chip removed, Watcher. I got a soul reinstated."
Giles was dumbstruck, which looked rather funny on him. He motioned as if to remove his glasses, only then realizing that he had already removed them.
"A.. soul," he said finally. "Are you sure?"
Spike rolled his eyes and responded, "No, I have no clue what it feels like to hate yourself for your entire life. So how could I possibly know what it feels like to have a soul? Cause, heaven forbid that [i]I[/i] could ever get a second chance..." Tears had filled Spike's blue eyes again, and Buffy tried to stop his rant by placing a hand on his shoulder, but Spike shrugged it off. "Because no one would ever give old William the Bloody a second chance, no! He was never evil enough. You have to be the bloody Scourge of Europe to deserve a second, no, third chance!" Spike's body was shaking with a combination of rage and guilt. Finally the rage spent itself and Spike sank into a chair across the table from Giles, silent tears rolling down his pale cheeks.
Giles, for his part, was completely shocked at Spike's outburst. Not because he'd never blown up before, god knows he had, but because he hadn't been yelling at Giles, he had been yelling at himself. "Well," Giles said. "I think we can be certain that you do have a soul. Considering that you appear to be angrier at yourself than at us."
Buffy allowed a hand to rest on Spike's shoulder as she stood behind him. Trying to reassure him, without making it obvious to Giles that was what she was doing. Spike had finally calmed down, when the door opened, and another emotional outburst waiting to happen walked it. Spike looked up.
"L'il Bit?"
Spike stood to face her.
Dawn's ready smile faded off her face, and took a patented, teenaged, "I don't give a rat's butt about you, but I'm gonna make you feel like hell anyway" look. Her eyes fired, and she glared at Spike.
"Welcome home." The 'asshole' was unspoken, but heard clear as a bell.
Buffy looked nervously at her sister. "Dawnie... Spike is-"
"A grown vampire who can speak for himself if he even thinks he can defend himself." She folded her arms. "Well, Mr. Explanation?"
He needed to be delicate here. She didn't hate him. She was hurt. Well, bloody hell, so was he! "Listen, little bit. I never meant to hurt you-"
Dawn's fist cracked against his nose, much like Buffy's always had. Everyone in the shop stopped in surprise, and there were only two movements: Dawn quivering in rage, and Spike, wiping gently at the trickle of blood down his nose.
"Well you [i]DID[/i]!" She let out a choked sob and launched herself at him, gripping him in a tight hug.
Spike stared at the teen wrapped around his middle, crying. His arms snaked around her cautiously. "Nibblet, don't cry." He turned his face into her hair. [i]Hope she doesn't kill me for gettin' blood in it[/i]. "God, don't cry. It hurts." His own eyes welled when a wracking sob tore through her, as she tried to settle herself down.
Buffy frowned. She hadn't known the four months had been that hard on her little sister.
And her heart broke when Dawn looked up at Spike, eyes huge and watery and said hoarsely, "You aren't going to hurt her again, are you?" Her bottom lip trembled. "Hurt us?"
Spike looked down at the emotionally drained teenager in his arms, the tears threatening to fall again. "Never again, Niblet. Never again, I promise."
"And Spike keeps his promises," Buffy spoke up from behind him, offering a small smile. Spike looked back over his shoulder, giving the Slayer a grateful look, then back down at Dawn, who was now holding him even tighter, her head resting on his chest.
"The Slayer's right, Bit," he whispered. "Besides, you know I love you. And I wouldn't have left, except that I needed something."
"You know where the store is, so what did you need that took [i]four months[/i] to get? Where did you go? Austrailia?"
Spike chuckled a little. "Actually, I went to Africa, so you're not too far off."
"[i]AFRICA![/i]", Dawn blurted, pulling slightly away from the vampire. "What the.." She glanced at Buffy and Giles. "..heck were you doing in [i]Africa[/i]?"
"You want to tell her?", Spike asked, shooting Buffy a playful look.
"Oh no," Buffy said, allowing a smile to appear on her face for the first time since Dawn had come in. "By all means, it's your soul.. Oops."
Dawn pulled back and stared at Spike. "A soul! You have a soul? That's great!" She hugged him again. Spike blinked, that wasn't exactly the reaction he was expecting.
"You're not upset, Niblet?"
"Of course not," she said, hugging him again. Then she pulled back and narrowed her eyes. "Wait a minute. You can't lose the soul, can you? You don't have that clause, like Angel?"
Spike grinned. "If I did, I would have lost the bleedin' thing the moment you hugged me, L'il Bit."
At this, Dawn let out a squeal and completely knocked Spike over. The two of them were now on the floor, laughing. It was at this time, that Willow came in.
"Willow?" Buffy questioned.
"Hey Buffy." Willow smiled softly, stepping down into the Magic Box, hands full of books. "I just-- I just came to drop these off." She said quietly.
Stepping around Dawn and Spike, Willow dropped the books on the table Giles was occupying. He gave her a curious look before lowering his eyes to the texts.
"I d-don't need them anymore..." She said, eyes on her hands, wringing them together nervously.
"That's good Willow, thank you." Giles offered softly.
"I-I should be going. I don't want to bother you." Eyes on the floor, Willow made her way back to the door.
"Wait!" Dawn said, shooting up from the floor.
"Willow you don't have to go." Buffy said, reaching her hand out for the ex- witch.
"Yeah, Buffy's right, you should stay. Y'know, cuz... Spike's here! He came back." Dawn said enthusiatically, glancing down at Spike, who was picking himself off the floor.
"No." Willow turned around sharply, and she caught the disappointed look in Dawn's eyes. "I can't." She added, her eyes softening, and starting to water.
The guilt over what she had almost done, what she HAD done, was eating her alive. She couldn't be around them. They loved her, and she tried to kill them all, and she couldn't even look them in the eye. Never again.
"I- I'm sorry." Willow rushed out her apology, and bolted for the door, thowing it open and disappearing into the daylight.
"Well," Spike said, standing up and brushing himself off. "That broke the good mood."
"I should go after her," Buffy said, but Dawn stopped her. "Dawny, what is it?"
"Let's all go." She glanced at her vampire friend. "[i]All[/i] of us. Maybe Spike can help."
Spike looked at Buffy for permission, she nodded. "Good idea, Dawn. We'll all go." She turned to the former Watcher. "Giles? Wanna come with?"
Giles replaced his glasses and regarded the Slayer, her sister, and the vampire, then shook his head. "No, I should probably stay here untill Anya comes back. Since she and Xander have begun speaking to each other again, I've been doing alot more around the shop."
Spike glanced at the door, and the sunshine that was filtered through it. "If I'm going, I'd better take the sewers."
"We can come with you, Spike," that was Buffy, suprisingly. Even Dawn looked at her with a strange look on her face. She wasn't used to this "caring about Spike" side of her sister, yet. But she liked it.
"No need, Luv," Spike said, heading for the back room again, and the sewer entrance. "I'll meet you two girls there." Then, under his breath, "Gotta pick up my jacket, anyway."
Willow tossed her keyes on the table by the door, and then slammed the door shut. The entire walk, run rather, back to the house, she had been holding in her tears, but the moment she crossed the threshold, she couldn't any longer.
Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she raced up the stairs and into her bedroom. Gasping for air, she stopped, taking a look around her, realizing she didn't want to be here... the memories, they were just too much. Too much. Memories of her and Tara, the day she came back to Willow and the future that was finally back in Willow's grasp.
The bed. That damn bed! She was so happy, so happy... and he took it away from her. Wiped away everything Willow wanted-- [i]needed[/i]-- in her life, and she could never get it back.
She let out a loud sob, and ripped the comforter off that damn bed, proceed to rip it clean of everything until there was nothing left but the mattress. It didn't help. She could still smell her, everywhere, and FEEL her... Inside her head, in her heart, and in her body and it wouldn't go away!
Everything was tainted with Tara. The books on the shelves. The clock on the table. The pink pen on the desk with the feathered end. The brush on the nightstand that Tara used to comb Willows hair at night... Flashes of Tara ran through her brain and she couldn't make it stop. It wouldn't stop.
Willow would sit at the vanity and gaze at Tara through the mirror as she'd run the silver brush through her red locks, then run her hands through Willow's hair, so softly when she was finished...
"No!" She screamed, turning around, her arms flailing out at the vanity, wiping it clean. Glass and make-up tumbled to the floor, and an expensive, and fragile, blown glass figurine shattered upon impact.
She dropped to the floor, completely spent, tears running down her face, burning her cheeks and her eyes...
"Make it stop..." She whispered. "Please, I can't take it anymore..."
She curled up into a ball on the floor, sobbing, trying to make it go away with the sheer force of her will, but it wouldn't.
The grief, the pain, the regret, the guilt... it wouldn't go away.
Willow didn't even notice the soft footsteps on the plush carpeting, and the hand on her shaking shoulder... the voice, shushing her softly, telling her it would be alright.
"Easy, Red," Spike said, gently rubbing a hand on Willow's quaking back. "Shh. It's okay."
Willow didn't look at him. "They won't go away...", she mumbles through her tears, curling up more.
"Who won't go away?", Spike asked gently.
"Them... I hurt them... and she.. I can't get her out of my head!", Willow said, as she slammed her fist into the floor.
"Them? The Scoobies?" Spike lifted her chin. "Red, look at me. Are you talking about the scoobies?"
Willow looked at him, then, in an almost inauditable whisper,"yes".
Spike sat down next to her. "Look, pet. I know it's bad..."
"You know!?", Willow interrupted him. "How could you possibly know..." She paused for a moment, sensing his soul for the first time. Then, in a quieter voice, "Spike, please help me."
Spike did the first thing he could think of, he pulled the former witch into a hug right there on the floor, gently rocking back and forth.
"...please...", Willow whispers again. About that time, Spike senses another presence, and sees Buffy and Dawn standing in the doorway.
Buffy took in the sight of Willow in Spike's arms sobbing, and her heart broke. Falling on her knees next to them, she wrapped both her arms around Willow. Dawn did the same thing on Willow's other side. The youngest girl was crying right along with Willow.
"I miss her, too, Will." She sniffled largely. "We always watched cartoons, and movies on Saturday."
Buffy said quiletly, "I told her about Spike first. She helped me... Helped me heal..." Tears rolled slowly down the slayer's cheeks. "Can we... Willow, can we mourn with you? Can we all heal together?"
Willow shook her head, still sobbing. "It still hurts... I can't... Just... forget!"
"We don't want to forget. Never. It'll hurt. But we can remember all the good things about Tara. Can we remember how great she was with you, Willow?" This, from Spike, as he ran a hand down her hair softly. "We can help eachother. We can help you. You can help us."
Willow glanced up at the vampire, noticeing the tears glistening in his blue eyes, she attempted to wrap her arms around Spike, Buffy, and Dawn all at once. The four friends held on to each other.
After a long while, they broke the hug and simply sat together on the floor. After awhile, Willow spoke up. Her eyes were still red with tears, but she was making an effort.
"So, Spike," she began, her voice hoarse from all the crying. "You have a soul now?"
Spike attempted a grin, it came out more like a grimmace. "Yeah. Leave it to me to make myself into a poofter."
"I don't think you're a "poofter"," Dawn said, leaning against the vampire. "Whatever that means."
Spike chuckled and slipped an arm around the younger Summers. "It means that I'm like my grandsire, the Great Poof, Angel."
Buffy tried, unsuccessfully to hide a smile, then, to her suprise as much as the others, said, "You forgot to call him a wanker.."
Everyone looked at Buffy for an incredulous moment, then they all, even Willow, burst into a laughing fit. A few much needed moments of laughter later, Buffy looked at the circle of friends and she smiled. "I think if we had a map, this would be Step in The Right Direction One." She kissed her sister's forehead, then Willow's. "I love you guys so much." She looked at Spike over their heads. "So much. We can do this together."
Her heart felt lighter. It still hurt, but... As if knowing she was healing, she felt better. The glimmer of hope in Willow's eyes was fragile, but it was there, and everyone felt it. This was a step in the right direction.
TBC....
Hey all! Sunrise here. Look, I know this isn't the most original idea, but we think it's a really good story. And remember! *Wink* Shakespere never wrote anything original either, he just wrote it better! And who do we ALLLL study in ninth grade now? Not some guy who did a 'sailing' version of R&J. No! We study the LAND LUBBER ITALIAN version (which, kicks ass, btw). See? People don't need to be original. Just better. lol Sorry. Felt like saying that. You guys are such nice reviewers! Buffy fans are the best out there at it. Seriously. So keep it up! We appreciate it!
Always. Tequila Sunrise