Chapter Thirty-One
Feelings

Serena felt warm and comfortable until a loud annoying sound came from something behind her. She felt the weight and heat that was wrapped around her midsection move as someone groaned while they flipped themselves over, quickly silencing whatever noise had been going off before returning to envelop her in the warmth she felt before.

Trying to get her mind to wake up more, Serena knew she was in a bed, next to a very warm and hard body. The heat she was feeling was from whoever was pressed up against her back with their arm draped around her. Serena spent a moment taking in how she felt. Her body was relaxed, content to be in the position it was in, while her mind kept trying to return to the black-full bliss of sleep. And Serena would've given in had she known where she was.

Serena couldn't remember the last time she had slept that peacefully. She had every desire to stay there in that bed and never leave it. Then Serena felt the soreness between her legs.

Slowly she opened her eyes. At first, Serena couldn't figure out where she was. The bedroom looked different than what she was used to seeing. Then there was the fact that someone else was in bed with her. Slowly, her still foggy brain filled in the missing pieces.

"Trowa…" Serena whispered.

"Five more minutes," Trowa grumbled into her hair as he pulled her closer to him.

"You need to get up," Serena chuckled. Turning enough in his arm to face him, Trowa looked at her with one eye open. His face was pressed into his pillow and his bangs were a mess around his head. "I'll go make us some coffee if you want?"

Trowa said nothing as he released the hold he had on her waist. Serena pushed the sheets off herself as she climbed out of the bed. Walking to the door she stopped to stare at the trail of clothes littering the floor. Out of the corner of her eye, Serena caught sight of Trowa sitting up. A questioning look on his face.

"What? You've never seen a woman walk around naked before?" Serena smirked at him.

"It's not an everyday occurrence for me." Trowa offered her a smile of his own.

"You may want to get used to it. It's not like you're never going to see me naked again," Serena laughed as she leaned against the door frame. "And I think we need to pick up the trail of evidence leading to the bedroom," she said. Trowa threw back the covers getting out of the bed, coming to stand a foot away from her.

"What?" Trowa asked when she lifted a brow at him.

"Someone seems to be at attention this morning." Serena's smile widened when he looked down.

"Like what you see?" Trowa asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Serena laughed again before walking out of the room. "I'm going to make our coffee now."

Once the coffee was done brewing, Serena poured two cups for them. Making her way back into the bedroom, she found Trowa sitting back on the bed looking at his phone.

"You should be getting ready for work," Serena said while handing him one of the mugs.

"Thank you," Trowa said as he accepted the cup from her. "I thought maybe I'd extend my original shower invitation." Trowa smiled mischievously against his mug before taking a sip.

"Looking for a repeat?" Serena mirrored him.

"I'd prefer to have you in the shower with me this time," Trowa said. Serena's lips curled up, before she could do anything Trowa was already standing taking her cup away. He proceeded to pick her up, carrying her to the bathroom.

Their shower lasted longer than it should have. While Serena was enjoying running her hands over Trowa's muscles, she knew Trowa needed to get ready for work or he was going to be late, again. Even though Trowa was making it very difficult for her to try and get them out of the shower.

With every kiss and every touch, Trowa gave her, Serena's mind slowly started to forget the rest of the world. Then again, maybe that was his plan all along? As Trowa's hand slipped between her legs, Serena ignored the soreness to relish in the feeling of his fingers.

Trowa had picked up fast on what she wanted from him last night. When Serena allowed him to have control, Trowa worked to keep the pace she had set for them. He became less concerned about hurting her and became more engrossed with the sex they were having. Serena knew that Trowa could meet her expectations. He may have even exceeded those expectations. It wasn't that Serena didn't mind the slow and sensual act of sex, but instead, she preferred someone to challenge her.

Maybe it was sick and twisted considering what she had gone through in her short life, but if there was one thing Serena learned from a few people, sex could be bearable, almost enjoyable when done right. Serena just needed someone she could be herself with. She knew Trowa could handle her and Serena had hoped that he would be able to fulfill her needs. More often than not, Serena would have to hold herself back, making sure she behaved the way she was supposed to. Though last night she didn't have to.

Serena's lips curled up at the memory as Trowa kissed her neck. He had managed to find a spot that had her begging him for more. Trowa may have been taking his time now. Slowly building up the tension again between them, but when Serena asked him for what she wanted, Trowa had no objections as his hand slid down her side to lift her leg. Serena rested her head against the tile in the shower as he pushed himself into her. Joining their bodies together once again.

Trowa's head was resting against her shoulder as the water sprayed down his back. He had increased his pace with each thrust, bringing them closer to the edge. Serena could hear his grunts even as her moans mixed with the sounds around them. Serena opened her eyes when she felt him lift his head. Looking into his green eyes, filled with lust before Trowa lowered his head to capture her lips. As their kissing grew, Serena started to feel something else ignite in her.

Something about the way Trowa was kissing her made her body tingle. It wasn't just the flame burning in her lower stomach, but something in her chest. The same feeling she's had felt a few times now. The same feeling Trowa had invoked in her last night.

Breaking away, Serena leaned forward to whisper in his ear. Trowa grunted a response, tightening his hold on her as he quickened his pace. Serena knew he was close to his release as she encouraged him more. Her release wasn't far as she gripped his shoulders tighter. Trying to keep her balance. Then Serena felt her breath leave her as the pleasure washed over her. Trowa's breath ragged against her cheek as his release came.

Slowly Serena opened her eyes again. Both of them were struggling to regain their breathing as they stared at each other. Trowa's gaze was intense and for a moment Serena saw something flash through Trowa's eyes before he dipped his head, kissing her gently on the lips.

"We should probably finish up," he murmured against her mouth.

"Don't want you to be late," she murmured back.

Trowa ended up having to rush to make it to work on time. Before he ran out the door Trowa stopped to grab the extra cup of coffee Serena had made for him. Thanking her with a kiss and murmuring his goodbye. Serena bit her lip when the door finally closed. Leaving her to herself for the day. Trowa had said he'd call her when he could, but as she fiddled with the teardrop pendant hanging around her neck, Serena wasn't so sure about what they were doing.

Serena remembered the look in Trowa's eyes when he had shown it to her. The contentment swirling about in those green orbs for the small gift. While she had received gifts in the past, Trowa's was special in some way. It felt different to wear, almost as if she were to remove it, she'd lose the feelings it held. Feelings Serena still didn't understand.

As she rolled it between her fingers guilt started to slowly creep up till it fully consumed her.

Trowa had no idea who she was or what she was truly capable of. The realization made Serena's chest hurt. Trowa may have been a soldier but she was far deadlier than he was. Trowa had no idea who he was getting himself involved with. As Serena's hand tightened around the pendant she knew that she needed to address it with him. Especially after what had already happened between them.

Serena's thoughts were interrupted when she heard a noise coming from the hallway. Dropping her hand from the necklace, Serena made her way toward her bedroom. Locating the source of the noise, Serena frowned when she realized it was coming from her computer. Opening the screen she was greeted by a scowling man.

"Delta! I have yet to receive your confirmation."

"So?" Serena narrowed her eyes.

"So?" The man repeated. "You need to confirm. I cannot turn a blind eye to this." Serena rolled her eyes.

"Tough, figure it out for yourself."

"Don't be foolish. If I have to, I'll have you brought back."

"I'd like to see you try," Serena laughed bitterly. "Because of you," she said, pointing a finger at the screen. "I'm in this mess. Thanks for that by the way." The older man scoffed at her. "I refuse to accept the new orders. I figured I made myself clear when I didn't confirm the last one."

"You know your purpose, Delta. This isn't some game you can play. If you don't-"

"Don't what? I thought I made myself clear, I'm done playing your games," Serena said angrily, cutting him off. "Twice now you have failed to see that. In fact, it's been more than that. How many times do I have to kill someone before you realize you were wrong? How many more times do I need to try to kill myself before you learn?"

"Delta…" his voice was low.

"I'm done."

"You're making a huge mistake,"

"The only mistake I see is you letting someone control another human," Serena slammed the screen shut. Her fists balled at her sides, Serena tried to control her breathing as the anger continued to build inside of her.

Serena had been pacing since J called. Her anger came and went in waves with every passing thought. Serena knew she needed to formulate a new plan. One that would help to better shape the outcome she wanted in the end. Serena knew she was playing a dangerous game, one that could end her life, but it had never stopped her in the past. Especially after she learned that death was harder to achieve than she thought it would be.

"I should've pulled the trigger the first time," Serena grumbled to herself.

Blowing herself up had only succeeded in destroying a part of a hangar and killing a few unfortunate people who happened to be close enough to the blast.

Serena had woken up to discover that Edwards had been unharmed and only enraged with her. Even after a month of her being unconscious, not only had the Gundam been damaged and needed to be rebuilt, but the hangar itself needed to be repaired as well.

Doctor J had been impressed with the fact that she had survived. Even though he had told her that the next time she did something like that, Serena should stay inside the cockpit if she wished to kill herself.

Serena had told him that the next time she'd just blow up the whole damn place. After all, it was partially his idea. Even though Serena had added a few extra explosives, hoping it would've blown up the entire satellite, J was always one step ahead of her.

The hangar had been reinforced to contain any explosions. The observation room had gone untouched by her stunt, which only added more fuel to the fire that was burning inside of her. The only thing Serena regretted was not being able to see Edwards's face when she had done it. It would have made everything a little more worthwhile in her eyes.

Doctor J had only been a constant reminder of her failure since that day. Whether he saw it or not, Serena knew she had failed. Serena knew escaping from her past would be hard, but she needed to do something, anything, going back wasn't an option for her. But was staying on Earth with Heero and everyone else one? Was this really where she belonged? Where she was supposed to be all along?

Serena wondered if she had once again fallen victim to another one of J's cruel games. Anytime Serena felt she was getting a step ahead, J would come and knock her back down. Or maybe it wasn't him? Maybe he was just the messenger being sent as a reminder? Reminding her that she had no real freedom.

But he's the one who did this to me. He's the one that never stopped him from...

Serena sighed as she stopped pacing the living room. It was always the same. No matter what, She couldn't change the past. After all, the past was what had helped shape her into who she was today. Serena just needed to keep moving forward. What other options did she truly have?

Serena felt pain run from her neck up to her head. Reaching a hand up, she rubbed the back of her neck. It was another small reminder of who she was.

Shaking the thoughts out of her head, Serena walked to the kitchen to grab her phone, knowing she had to check in soon. Picking it up, she entered her pin to unlock the device. The phone buzzed in error. Serena tried again, thinking maybe she hit the wrong numbers. Frowning down at the phone after her third attempt, realization dawned on her that she had Trowa's phone instead of hers.

After a few moments, the corners of Serena's mouth turned up as she ran to grab her jacket. Throwing it on, she zipped it up to her neck as she walked into Trowa's room, heading for the closet. Once locating a hat, she tucked her hair into it, hoping the slightly oversized hat would stay in place long enough. Walking back out of his room, Serena headed for the door, stopping only briefly to grab the only set of keys hanging on a hook before leaving the apartment.

A/N

Happy Friday!

The weekend is almost upon us! I hope you all can enjoy the weekend and maybe relax or take care of anything you didn't get to during the week.

I'm not sorry for another adult active scene. Had to get into Serena's head a little. And this story wouldn't be rated M for a reason. Though I will say now, if I haven't (because I can't remember my other notes) I will have a warning before some chapters about certain topics that are brought up. Moving on, Serena is in struggle land. To put it nicely. She'll be there for a while. But it's a learning lesson for her. Serena needs to figure things out and make some decisions. Obviously, she's decided that she's not going to listen to J. But she also understands the impact that's going to have on her. Serena is going to go back and forth between what she wants, and what she knows she needs to do. It's going to be a battle with herself. Literally, add lots of wink faces here. If anything I want you to take from this, is we all struggle with something and we know what's right and what's wrong, so at times put yourself into Serena's shoes, even if you hate her lol, but look at it from a real-world perspective. Not to mention we haven't heard the full back story yet... hehe

I know this is fanfic and we're all here because of that, but there's so much real-world infusion that comes into play when we watch or read our favorite shows/mangas, etc. And hopefully, you as the reader can see and feel that. I'm not trying to persuade you in any way.

I'll see you all on Monday with Breaking and Entering!
-MM