Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or the song from Box Car Racer named 'I
Feel So'
Author: GWingAngel
Rating: uh.PG?
Warnings: Shonen Ai, Heero OOC?
Gwing: this is mostly just Heero thinking so there's none of Duo's thoughts but it's not Heero's POV
(lyrics)
Song Book 3 I Feel So
(Sometimes, I wish I was brave, I wish I was stronger, wish I could feel no pain.)
Heero watched Duo sleep and heard the song that was playing on Duo's stupid CD player. A smirk appeared on Heero's face. He liked Duo. With all his heart, but he didn't know if he was strong enough for Duo's rejection. He could handle anything physically thrown at him, but when something uncertain happened in heart he became broken.
Why did they care if he lived or died? He was just alive for missions. Wasn't he?
(Wish I was young, wish I was shy, I wish I was honest, wish I was you not I.)
They were having a conversation. Well, Duo was just talking while Heero zoned in and out of his musings. What was Duo talking about with his never ending energy? Something about wanting real home cooked food and waiting until the stupid war was over.
Home cooked food? Heero's home cooked food was usually any sort of microwave-able things. A home cooked meal was actually starting to sound good.
"Have you ever had one Heero?"
Heero looked up to see Duo smiling happily at him while waiting for some kind of motion.
"No, I'd like one."
Duo's eyes widened at the answer. "Wow you've never had a home cooked meal? The food at the orphanage was great! Everybody enjoyed Helen's home cooked meals!"
Everybody. Other kids. Were they kids anymore?
Duo took another bite of his microwaved meal and made a face.
"This stuff is so bad. I really need to get away from this crap."
Duo was so honest and could never shut up but did seem to know when to stop. But why did Heero care? Why did he care that Duo seemed happier? Something inside Heero stirred. It was an unknown feeling of.of jealousy? Jealousy for Duo's persona?
(Cause I feel so mad, I feel so angry, feel so callused, so lost confused again.)
"Shut up Duo, I'm trying to work!" Heero yelled. Duo stopped and stood still for a moment before silently nodding, Duo walked over to his bed and turned on his Pre-colony music. Heero heard it again. Angry words going through Duo's ears because of Heero.
Heero shook his head. He felt sorry for breaking Duo's happiness. But why did he care? Stupid baka was always talking and being himself.
That stupid jealousy arose in him. What was happening?
(Feel so cheap, so used unfaithful, let's start ever, let's start over.)
Something inside Heero felt wrong whenever he saw Duo sad. It wasn't right to see those bright eyes suddenly dull because of words.
A week later Heero was typing out a report inside his bedroom. Duo skipped into Heero's room with a huge smile on his face.
"What do you want baka?"
"Awe come on Hee-chan," Duo started glomping Heero. Heero struggled underneath him. "You cooked that for me didn't you?"
"Hn."
Duo jumped up and shrugged. "Fine Heero, I'm going to eat the mysterious dinner. Wanna join me?"
"Hn."
Duo shrugged again and left the room. "Thanks Heero!"
Can't I be like you?
(Sometimes, I wish I was smart, I wish I made cures for the way people are, I wish I had power, I wish I could lead, I wish I could change the world for you and me.)
Heero and Duo arrived at their apartment after a mission to the L2 colony. Duo's home colony.
Duo was unusually quiet. Heero took it as a blessing, but then he started to get worried. Heero had to admit the colony was worst off than the last time he saw it.
That night Heero awoke suddenly. He heard murmuring and was ready to shoot someone, but saw it was Duo stirring. Heero walked over and was ready to shake Duo awake, but.
"Helen."
Heero stopped and waited. "No Solo."
"Let go. don't."
Duo was thrashing about and shrank into his mattress.
What was happening in Duo's head? What internal struggle could such a bright creature have?
Heero shook him awake. Duo grabbed his wrist and almost crushed it to breaking but Duo blinked and noticed Heero. Duo looked down at his hand and quickly released it.
"Oh Heero," Duo said wiping his eyes.
"You were having a nightmare," Heero answered flatly.
"Yeah," Duo murmured. Duo rubbed his arms. "I'm going to take a shower."
Heero watched as Duo walked into the bathroom. Something happened in Duo's past that made him uncomfortable. He had an idea what it was, but he didn't want to think of it.
Heero shook his head. He suddenly wished he could have protected the orphan, but now all he could do was try to change the way the colonies and earth were. It was kind of late for Duo, but they were all trying to change the world for some reason.
(Cause I feel so mad, I feel so angry, feel so callused, so lost confused again, feel so cheap so used unfaithful, let's start over, let's start over.)
Duo was talking so much about this girl. Her name was Hilde. Did that mean that he liked girls not guys? Was Heero thinking something forbidden about the boy who slept in the same room?
It was eating away at Heero. He was told to follow his feelings and all his feelings were screaming out Maxwell. Heero growled and tried to concentrate on the computer screen, but he kept glancing back at the sleeping boy. Heero closed his eyes and before he knew it he was kneeling next to Duo's bed and shaking him awake. Duo blinked his eyes sleepily open and stared into Heero's cobalt eyes.
"A mission?" he asked sleepily.
"Do you like Hilde?" Heero blurted out. Duo blinked and sat up.
"Uh, yeah. She's a great friend Heero."
Heero nodded, but stayed still.
"But if you're asking if I'm in love with her then it's no."
Something inside of Heero was released. It wasn't a breath but anxiety. He knew the truth.
Heero turned away.
"Wait a sec!" Duo exclaimed. "You woke me up in the middle of the night to ask me about Hilde?" Heero turned back to Duo with a shrug. Duo stood up and shook his head. "No way! There has to be something else. Its," Duo paused and looked at his watch, "it's midnight and you asked me such a trivial question. There has to be something else."
"I like you," Heero said immediately after.
"It's midnight and." Duo paused and blinked and stared at Heero. "What?"
"You heard me," Heero whispered and turned to his computer. Duo blinked and sat back down on his bed again. Heero turned to his computer.
Was the end for them? Duo was going to reject him. He had to do something quick, but what? Act like it didn't matter? Be angry? Turn away? Do something! A thought a nanosecond rushed through his head he couldn't think. He stared blankly at the screen.
Suddenly to arms slowly wrapped themselves around Heero's shoulders and neck. Heero was alarmed by the gesture, but slowly realized it was Duo. He instantly melted.
"Hilde's just a great friend Heero," Duo purred into Heero's ear, "But I love people with great blue yes and great brown hair." Duo kissed the top of Heero's head before turning back to his bed. Heero was frozen in the moment and didn't notice.
"Goodnight Hee-chan," Duo yawned going back to sleep.
Heero continued sitting there until he finally blinked. The warmth was gone and Duo was in dreamland. Heero turned to Duo, stripped down to his boxers and cuddled next to Duo.
(Cause I feel so mad, I feel so angry, feel so callused, so lost confused again, feel so cheap so used unfaithful, let's start over, let's start over.)
Author: GWingAngel
Rating: uh.PG?
Warnings: Shonen Ai, Heero OOC?
Gwing: this is mostly just Heero thinking so there's none of Duo's thoughts but it's not Heero's POV
(lyrics)
Song Book 3 I Feel So
(Sometimes, I wish I was brave, I wish I was stronger, wish I could feel no pain.)
Heero watched Duo sleep and heard the song that was playing on Duo's stupid CD player. A smirk appeared on Heero's face. He liked Duo. With all his heart, but he didn't know if he was strong enough for Duo's rejection. He could handle anything physically thrown at him, but when something uncertain happened in heart he became broken.
Why did they care if he lived or died? He was just alive for missions. Wasn't he?
(Wish I was young, wish I was shy, I wish I was honest, wish I was you not I.)
They were having a conversation. Well, Duo was just talking while Heero zoned in and out of his musings. What was Duo talking about with his never ending energy? Something about wanting real home cooked food and waiting until the stupid war was over.
Home cooked food? Heero's home cooked food was usually any sort of microwave-able things. A home cooked meal was actually starting to sound good.
"Have you ever had one Heero?"
Heero looked up to see Duo smiling happily at him while waiting for some kind of motion.
"No, I'd like one."
Duo's eyes widened at the answer. "Wow you've never had a home cooked meal? The food at the orphanage was great! Everybody enjoyed Helen's home cooked meals!"
Everybody. Other kids. Were they kids anymore?
Duo took another bite of his microwaved meal and made a face.
"This stuff is so bad. I really need to get away from this crap."
Duo was so honest and could never shut up but did seem to know when to stop. But why did Heero care? Why did he care that Duo seemed happier? Something inside Heero stirred. It was an unknown feeling of.of jealousy? Jealousy for Duo's persona?
(Cause I feel so mad, I feel so angry, feel so callused, so lost confused again.)
"Shut up Duo, I'm trying to work!" Heero yelled. Duo stopped and stood still for a moment before silently nodding, Duo walked over to his bed and turned on his Pre-colony music. Heero heard it again. Angry words going through Duo's ears because of Heero.
Heero shook his head. He felt sorry for breaking Duo's happiness. But why did he care? Stupid baka was always talking and being himself.
That stupid jealousy arose in him. What was happening?
(Feel so cheap, so used unfaithful, let's start ever, let's start over.)
Something inside Heero felt wrong whenever he saw Duo sad. It wasn't right to see those bright eyes suddenly dull because of words.
A week later Heero was typing out a report inside his bedroom. Duo skipped into Heero's room with a huge smile on his face.
"What do you want baka?"
"Awe come on Hee-chan," Duo started glomping Heero. Heero struggled underneath him. "You cooked that for me didn't you?"
"Hn."
Duo jumped up and shrugged. "Fine Heero, I'm going to eat the mysterious dinner. Wanna join me?"
"Hn."
Duo shrugged again and left the room. "Thanks Heero!"
Can't I be like you?
(Sometimes, I wish I was smart, I wish I made cures for the way people are, I wish I had power, I wish I could lead, I wish I could change the world for you and me.)
Heero and Duo arrived at their apartment after a mission to the L2 colony. Duo's home colony.
Duo was unusually quiet. Heero took it as a blessing, but then he started to get worried. Heero had to admit the colony was worst off than the last time he saw it.
That night Heero awoke suddenly. He heard murmuring and was ready to shoot someone, but saw it was Duo stirring. Heero walked over and was ready to shake Duo awake, but.
"Helen."
Heero stopped and waited. "No Solo."
"Let go. don't."
Duo was thrashing about and shrank into his mattress.
What was happening in Duo's head? What internal struggle could such a bright creature have?
Heero shook him awake. Duo grabbed his wrist and almost crushed it to breaking but Duo blinked and noticed Heero. Duo looked down at his hand and quickly released it.
"Oh Heero," Duo said wiping his eyes.
"You were having a nightmare," Heero answered flatly.
"Yeah," Duo murmured. Duo rubbed his arms. "I'm going to take a shower."
Heero watched as Duo walked into the bathroom. Something happened in Duo's past that made him uncomfortable. He had an idea what it was, but he didn't want to think of it.
Heero shook his head. He suddenly wished he could have protected the orphan, but now all he could do was try to change the way the colonies and earth were. It was kind of late for Duo, but they were all trying to change the world for some reason.
(Cause I feel so mad, I feel so angry, feel so callused, so lost confused again, feel so cheap so used unfaithful, let's start over, let's start over.)
Duo was talking so much about this girl. Her name was Hilde. Did that mean that he liked girls not guys? Was Heero thinking something forbidden about the boy who slept in the same room?
It was eating away at Heero. He was told to follow his feelings and all his feelings were screaming out Maxwell. Heero growled and tried to concentrate on the computer screen, but he kept glancing back at the sleeping boy. Heero closed his eyes and before he knew it he was kneeling next to Duo's bed and shaking him awake. Duo blinked his eyes sleepily open and stared into Heero's cobalt eyes.
"A mission?" he asked sleepily.
"Do you like Hilde?" Heero blurted out. Duo blinked and sat up.
"Uh, yeah. She's a great friend Heero."
Heero nodded, but stayed still.
"But if you're asking if I'm in love with her then it's no."
Something inside of Heero was released. It wasn't a breath but anxiety. He knew the truth.
Heero turned away.
"Wait a sec!" Duo exclaimed. "You woke me up in the middle of the night to ask me about Hilde?" Heero turned back to Duo with a shrug. Duo stood up and shook his head. "No way! There has to be something else. Its," Duo paused and looked at his watch, "it's midnight and you asked me such a trivial question. There has to be something else."
"I like you," Heero said immediately after.
"It's midnight and." Duo paused and blinked and stared at Heero. "What?"
"You heard me," Heero whispered and turned to his computer. Duo blinked and sat back down on his bed again. Heero turned to his computer.
Was the end for them? Duo was going to reject him. He had to do something quick, but what? Act like it didn't matter? Be angry? Turn away? Do something! A thought a nanosecond rushed through his head he couldn't think. He stared blankly at the screen.
Suddenly to arms slowly wrapped themselves around Heero's shoulders and neck. Heero was alarmed by the gesture, but slowly realized it was Duo. He instantly melted.
"Hilde's just a great friend Heero," Duo purred into Heero's ear, "But I love people with great blue yes and great brown hair." Duo kissed the top of Heero's head before turning back to his bed. Heero was frozen in the moment and didn't notice.
"Goodnight Hee-chan," Duo yawned going back to sleep.
Heero continued sitting there until he finally blinked. The warmth was gone and Duo was in dreamland. Heero turned to Duo, stripped down to his boxers and cuddled next to Duo.
(Cause I feel so mad, I feel so angry, feel so callused, so lost confused again, feel so cheap so used unfaithful, let's start over, let's start over.)