Chapter Forty-Eight
Confessions

Heero thought about staying at the hotel when he dropped Duo and Quatre off. Deciding against it he headed back home. Knowing that in reality, he just wanted to be alone.

Heero tried to sleep but in the end, he was unable to. Serena's words were haunting him all night, and by six in the morning, Heero had all but given up on trying to get any kind of sleep. Getting dressed, Heero made his way back over to the hotel.

Once at the hotel, Heero made his way up to the floor Relena's room was on. A few of the agents that were on the night shift had stopped to ask him if everything was alright. They had told Heero that Relena along with everyone else who was staying at the hotel were fine and no incidents had occurred while he was away. Heero informed them that Relena had called him and it wasn't anything to worry about. Heero dismissed the two agents stationed outside of her room before slipping his keycard into the lock.

Heero opened the door as quietly as he could before stepping inside. Shutting the door behind him, Heero scanned the room. His eyes landed on a woman lying on the oversized bed. Taking off his shoes, he made his way over to the bed.

Stripping down to just his boxers, Heero lifted the covers, sliding himself onto the bed, Heero lay down next to the woman he had finally fully given himself to four years ago. Wrapping an arm around Relena, Heero pulled her closer. Her honey-blonde hair fanned out around her head as Relena nuzzled herself into his toned chest.

"You're finally here," Relena murmured to him. Heero kissed her head, murmuring a response back to her. Relena sighed as moved her head so she could look at him. "Is something wrong, Heero?"

Heero gazed at her. Relena was truly beautiful in his eyes even when her light blue eyes shone with worry for him. How had he gotten so lucky? To have someone care for him as much as he cared for her.

Heero watched as her brows furrowed together. She was waiting for a response from him. How could he even answer her question?

Yeah, I'm the biggest asshole in the world because I couldn't answer a simple question. Even one as simple as yours.

Heero had figured out that he could've avoided the hostility between him and Serena by simply telling her that he did care. But to say it meant that Heero was admitting to himself that he did care about Serena and what could happen to her.

It wasn't like how it was with Relena. Heero knew at times he struggled to express himself the way Relena wanted him to, but his actions showed her how he truly felt. But with Serena, Heero was battling himself over how he should truly feel and how to react to her.

"Heero?" Relena's worried tone shook Heero from his thoughts.

"Everything's fine," he said. Relena regarded him with a questioning look. As she opened her mouth to speak again, Heero pressed his lips to hers. "Everything's fine, Relena," Heero said when he pulled away from her.

"It's about Serena isn't it?" Heero's eye grew wide for a moment before he pulled himself back.

"Why would you say that?"

"Because it's been the same thing you've been struggling with since you met her. I can see it in your eyes. What happened this time?" Relena asked. Sighing, Heero rolled onto his back as he raked a hand through his hair.

"We argued," Heero said. Relena frowned as she sat up slightly.

"That's nothing new. You two bicker about things all the time like you're actually siblings."

Heero cringed at Relena's words. It wasn't so much that it wasn't true, it was just that Serena and he weren't siblings.

"This one was different."

"How so?" Relena arched a brow at him. Sighing again, Heero closed his eyes.

"She asked me a question I couldn't answer."

"What do you mean you couldn't answer? What was the question?"

Heero didn't want to answer Relena's questions. While she had good intentions, Heero couldn't discuss it with her right now.

"Relena," Heero said, turning his head towards her. "To be honest I don't want to talk about this."

"Then what do you want?"

"To take my mind off of things."

Trowa awoke the next morning to sunlight filtering through the curtains while his mind told him it was too early to be awake. Trowa couldn't remember exactly what time he had fallen asleep other than he knew it was late and well past three in the morning.

Turning his head to the other side of the bed, Trowa saw a bare shoulder with dark brown hair flowing onto the pillow. Serena's back was to him and from her even breathing, Trowa knew she was still asleep. Turning on his side, Trowa reached his arm around Serena's body, moving her closer to him. The feel of her bare skin against his brought back the memory of the previous night.

"I missed you."

Closing his eyes, Trowa remembered the look in Serena's eyes right before she crushed her lips to his. One he had never seen before. It wasn't the lustful look she normally had when they were about to make love. It wasn't fear or anger towards his words. It had been almost as though Serena was trying to tell him something. Trowa had felt something behind her kiss and it wasn't until she whispered the words that he started to understand.

"I need you."

"You need me?" He asked.

"I… I don't want to be alone anymore," Serena's voice trembled as she wrapped her arms tighter around him. Burying her face into his chest. "But I'm… I'm not who you think I am, and I can't be who you want me to be," her head shook against him.

"Serena, look at me." Trowa waited but she refused to look at him. "Serena… please." Slowly she lifted her head. Sadness had filled her eyes. "Serena, I don't want you to be anyone but who you are."

"You don't know the real me…. If you did…" Serena pulled away from him. "Heero was always right not to trust me." Serena balled her hand against her chest. "You shouldn't-"

"And Heero's wrong," Trowa said, cutting her off. Taking her hand, Trowa held it hand against his heart. "I don't care what your past is. What I care about is who you are now. I trust you with my life, with my heart."

"Trowa…" Serena's eyes had gone wide.

It was now or never.

"Serena, I love you."

"I…" Serena pulled her hand away.

Trowa felt his heart drop. He had completely given in to his emotions. Baring them fully to her. Trowa had thought about it all night and he realized that it wasn't just some crush he had but that he was in love with her. Serena's eyes were still wide before she turned her head to the side.

"I…" Serena said again before looking back up at him. "I don't know what love is."

At that moment Trowa understood everything. Serena was terrified of what he had confessed to her. Either no one had ever told her or if they had, they never meant it. Trowa could see Serena was trying desperately to make sense of those three small words that carried so much meaning behind them.

Slowly Trowa took a step closer to her.

"Then let me show you."

Their love-making had been full of passion. Trowa had spent a great deal of time caressing and kissing all his favorite places. He had learned which spots were the most sensitive and brought Serena the most pleasure. Even the spot just below her breast would have Serena twisting beneath him in a fit of laughter. Trowa had been filing them away in his mind not just for his use but so every time they were intimate together, Trowa knew Serena was enjoying it as much as he was. Trowa prided himself on making sure Serena's needs were met every time.

When he had finally joined their bodies together, Trowa swore he saw sparks fly right before his eyes. Everything felt right and Serena felt even better. It had always felt that way, but this time was different. Trowa didn't want to rush. It wasn't about them going through the motions but rather him showing Serena how much he cared and how he had truly fallen in love with her.

As his hips worked slowly building up his pace, Trowa couldn't help staring at Serena as she lay beneath him. Her blue eyes clouded but yet they had been so clear at the same time. Serena had let her guard down completely and allowed him to fully see her. Their love-making that night would be one he would never forget.

Serena was unforgettable.

When they were laying together afterward, Trowa had asked Serena some questions in hopes of better understanding her feelings and also helping Serena associate the words she knew with those feelings. It only resulted in pain grabbing at Trowa's heart again. He had never seen such pain in Serena's eyes before. Pulling her closer to him, Trowa kissed her head, telling Serena that she never had to be alone again. That she was safe and no one would ever hurt her. Serena had nestled herself closer to him after and Trowa was able to feel her breathing evening out as she fell into a deep slumber. Cradled in his arms. Arms that would protect her no matter the cost.

The same arms that were holding her now.

Trowa had closed his eyes again as he reflected on the previous night. Serena had said a lot to him and even though he didn't fully understand some of it, Serena had told him how she wanted to be in control of her own emotions and not just be told how she should think and feel. Serena wanted to be free to experience them for herself. Trowa wasn't sure if it was just based on her training or something more she wasn't telling him. He had asked her, but Serena wouldn't answer him. Trowa knew she was hurting from whatever it was, but all he wanted to do in the end was comfort her.

Serena's words were still gripping at Trowa's heart as they repeated in his mind. Trowa wondered what had happened to Serena before he met her? What had these people done to Serena to make her feel not only alone but not allow her to think or feel freely? Was this J's doing? Or was this someone else's doing?

Trowa felt her move before he opened his eyes again, breaking his thoughts of the night before. Serena had turned herself so she was facing him. Her blue eyes starring at him.

"Good morning."

"Morning," Serena said quietly to him. Tightening his arm around her, Trowa pulled her closer.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay."

"Why don't you rest while I make us some java?" Trowa watched as a faint smile graced her lips as Serena nodded her head. Trowa kissed her before he got out of bed. Grabbing a pair of sweatpants, he pulled them up over his hips. Glancing over his shoulder, Trowa smiled at Serena before making his way out of the bedroom.

Quatre couldn't sleep. He had tried all night and by seven A.M. he had given up. Dorothy was still asleep next to him so Quatre quietly slipped out of bed making his way to the bathroom.

After showering, Quatre got himself dressed and by then it was just a little after seven-thirty. He wanted to head straight over to Trowa's apartment but Quatre knew that there was a chance that no one would be awake or if they were, Quatre wasn't sure he felt comfortable intruding on them so early. Deciding in the end he would head out for an early breakfast to try and kill some time.

Leaving the bathroom Quatre went to check on Dorothy before he left their room.

"Going somewhere?" Dorothy spoke with her back still turned to him. Quarte hadn't been expecting her to be awake. He figured he'd leave Dororthy a note telling her where he was going and his plans then deal with the questions later.

"I was going to go get some breakfast then head over to Trowa's." Dorothy rolled over staring at him. One of her eyebrows raised in question.

"Didn't you just see him last night?"

"Yes," Quatre said as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants. How was he to explain this to her? Quatre hadn't exactly gone over what he would end up saying to Dorothy. He had been too busy thinking about what he would say to Trowa and Serena that he hadn't thought about Dorothy and what her questions might be. "I just want to see him again and talk about a few things."

"Quatre?" Dorothy asked as she sat up. He knew his face must have been giving it away. "What's going on?" Her eyes narrowed at him. Sighing, Quatre debated on what to say but in the end, he decided it was best to just tell Dorothy.

"Do you want to go to breakfast with me and I'll explain everything?" He asked. Dorothy stared at him for a moment.

"Give me some time to get ready and you will explain why you feel the need to rush over to Trowa's this early in the morning," she said pointedly to him.

Dorothy had taken her sweet time showering and getting herself ready. Quatre knew he should've expected it but it did allow his mind to continue to think over the previous night. There was so much that had gone on. Between Heero, Serena, and Trowa, he wasn't sure what to make of everything.

Trowa had been the easiest to figure out. Quatre was sure that Trowa had feelings for Serena. Almost as if an invisible string was linking the two. At least that's what Quatre was able to feel from Trowa's perspective. Trowa held strong feelings for Serena, but Quatre didn't know if Serena reciprocated those feelings.

It was too hard to tell with everything else he was feeling.

Quatre's thoughts moved from Trowa to Heero. If he had to guess, Heero was struggling with his feelings towards Serena. Heero had given the impression that he had been for some time and last night only added fuel to the fire. Was it a trust issue? Or did Heero care about Serena in a way he wasn't comfortable with? Or was it possible that Heero just didn't understand how he felt about Serena?

Seeing them together, one would swear they were brother and sister. Was it possible they formed a bond that neither of them knew how to define? Quatre shook his head to dispel the thought. He was ending up with more questions than answers. Quatre knew Heero well enough to know a thing or two about him, but this was a completely different matter. Heero's emotions were all over the place much like Serena's. While they kept their exterior composed, it was obvious they were struggling with each other on the inside.

Which brought Quatre's thoughts to Serena. She was complex, to say the least. While Quatre had a good idea of Serena's background, he still had questions. The only thing Quatre had been able to come up with was that something had happened to Serena to cause her to feel such hurt and sadness. But if something had happened to her what was it? Was it something J had done or was it something ROE had done to her? Did Serena know something that she wasn't telling anyone? And if she did know something, why was Serena trying to hide it?

Duo had mentioned how Serena had been helping them. She had given Preventer as much information as she could along with doing some side work, but Duo hadn't gone into too much detail other than Serena had spent some time locating members of the organization that had worked their way into Preventers.

Quatre furrowed his brow as he thought. The more he tried to analyze things the more questions he had. Quatre just hoped Trowa and Serena could fill in the blanks, or at least he hoped that Serena would let him see what was going on with her. She was his main concern after all.

They had all gone through so much, from the heartaches to feeling betrayed by the very people they thought they were fighting for, but something about Serena bothered him. Quatre could understand if Serena was having remorse over what she had done in the past or being upset from the lack of information she had been able to gather. Duo had said briefly that they hadn't gotten any farther with leads and were giving it a break till Monday when they'd all reconvene.

All Quatre knew was something was going on with Serena, which seemed to be causing a ripple effect. She was at the center of Heero's struggles and Trowa's affections.

Quatre's thoughts came to a stop when Dorothy came to stand in front of him. It seemed as though Dorothy had finally finished getting herself ready. Quatre looked up to see a smirk on her lips as Dorothy placed a finger on her chin.

"Had enough time to think? Know what you're going to say to Trowa and this Serena?"

"Huh?"

"I overheard you talking to yourself. It's not like you, Quatre, to be so careless with your thoughts. So, tell me what has you this worked up?"

Quatre stared up at Dorothy from the chair he was sitting in. He was talking to himself? Dorothy was right, it wasn't like him but then again, the circumstances were different. Very rarely did Quatre opening talk to himself. Standing, Quatre made his way to stand in front of her. Looking down he tried his best to give her his best smile.

"Let's go get something to eat and like I said, I'll explain what I can."

"You said 'everything.' But I'll let it slide this time," Dorothy stood on her toes, kissing him on the cheek. "Now let's go, I'm famished."

A/N

Happy Monday!

What a way to start off the week with lots of confessions! Where do we even start? Is Heero coming to a realization? Trowa telling Serena those three words? Serena telling Trowa she doesn't want to be alone anymore? Quatre and his struggle to understand what the hell is going on? Or the fact Dorothy is Dorothy and we all know damn well we're going to see her in action soon?

I guess we'll start with Heero. Poor Heero, he just wanted to get his mind off the fact he couldn't answer Serena's question, because why? Because Heero cares! Awww, but don't think he's gonna come out and say it. Nope, not a chance is he going to admit that to ANYONE. Right now, he's just spending the early morning hours with Relena and doing what any couple would do in bed. At least he was honest with Relena, he wasn't looking for anything more than her comfort. Maybe Relena will even help Heero sort out his feelings, though it seems pretty clear by now that Heero's changing his mind and opinion of Serena. The big question is, is Heero finally seeing what others have said to him and what Serena has been trying to show/tell him this entire time? Btw, this was confession #1.

Let's move on to Trowa and Serena. Oh boy, but maybe not. I think we can all agree that this was coming. It was only a matter of time before Trowa would tell Serena his feelings for her. I know I wrote in my notes that they've only been "dating" a week, but do not forget the fact that Trowa has been by Serena's side for over a month now. He was the first one to speak with her, the first one to stay by her side, and because of all of that, Trowa has really gotten to know Serena. It was going to be a matter of time before they ended up in some kind of relationship. They just happened to fast-track it a little. But we can't blame them. Kind of hard for something to not happen when they not only live together but the amount of flirting that was going on between them.

So Trowa dropped the three-word bomb on Serena. Trowa, good job as it took you only a month, and Heero has yet to say it to Relena. So you have a one-up on Heero. Woo! Moving in fast, getting the girl, locking down the relationship, well as locked down as it can be at this time, but Trowa, you're doing pretty good! All jokes aside, I want to focus on the things Serena said and how she reacted to Trowa after he said "I love you." I want to mention before I get into everything, we haven't seen Serena's POV yet, but it's very clear that Serena may have been expecting this, but at the same time was very taken aback and confused. Possibly in shock. She tells Trowa that she doesn't know what love is and I think Trowa caught on quickly that it's very likely no one has ever said those words to Serena or possibly shown her what love is. So Trowa does just that, he shows her what love is. At least what he could do at that moment.

Afterward, we see that Trowa tries to get more information out of Serena. Why would she tell him that she doesn't want to be alone anymore? Why does she feel that way, to begin with? You the reader know why she feels alone, for the most part, but Trowa had no idea. But we see that Serena's told him some more information, something she's hinted at several times in the past, but mainly to Heero. She wants to control her own emotions, her own thoughts, her own feelings. Serena is telling Trowa that she wants to be in control of herself as a whole. If you're just as confused by this as Trowa is, don't worry, we're getting closer to finding out that information. All of that has tugged on Trowa's heartstrings and it seems he's vowing to protect Serena in whatever way he can.

Let's talk about Quatre. Quatre has every intention of getting answers and maybe he will, maybe he won't. But I want to point out something, Quatre figured out very quickly that Trowa's got the feels for Serena, but does Serena feel the same? We don't know, do we? Quatre also has seemed to pinpoint some of Heero's struggles in regards to Serena. Does Heero trust Serena? Does it have anything to do with Heero's feelings about possibly caring about Serena and it's just making Heero really uncomfortable? *shrugs* Going to have to wait for those answers, but when it comes to Serena, herself, Quatre can already tell how complex Serena is. But there seems to be a growing theme here. Quatre has the same questions as Trowa and I guess Heero too, but the only difference is that Quatre can feel the depth of what Serena is going through. This is why he's honing in on Serena the most. That and Quatre's concerned, very concerned.

We also find out that Duo didn't seem to mention everything about Serena. Which is very interesting. Why wouldn't Duo, considering Duo likes to talk and he has no issues telling people stuff they probably shouldn't know? Just ponder that. As far as Dorothy goes, guess we'll find out on Wednesday what happens when she and Quatre go to pay Trowa and Serena a visit. Along with Serena's POV of what happened and her thoughts and feelings and ever-growing confusion.

I'll see you all on Wednesday with chapter 49, Realizations! Wonder what this one could be about?

-MM