Chapter Forty-Nine
Realizations

Once Trowa had left the bedroom, Serena rolled onto her back looking up at the ceiling. Her hands flew up to her face as she pulled her fingers along her skin.

What's wrong with me?

Serena had shown her weakness for a man she wasn't supposed to have feelings for. She never intended for any of this to happen, but Serena knew she cared about Trowa and when she allowed herself to feel things, Serena vowed to make sure that in the end Trowa wasn't harmed. Physically at least. She couldn't promise that his feelings wouldn't be hurt, but Serena had to do what she needed to do to escape the hold Edwards had on her.

Something had changed from the first time she had met Trowa. Serena had been curious about Trowa while she watched him sleeping peacefully in the chair next to her when she had been strapped to an exam table that first day. Serena had studied his face and his body. Trowa was attractive, there was no doubt in her mind about it, but when he awoke to her staring at him, Serena had pushed every thought aside. She needed to be cleared headed and Trowa was just a distraction.

It wasn't until Trowa had undone her restraints that Serena saw an opportunity to possibly free herself. Flirting with him was easy, though Serena had been trained to use her body and her looks to get what she wanted, and it seemed he was more than willing to play along with her.

Then slowly it began to grow from there.

Trowa had spent the better part of two weeks by her side. Bringing her food and keeping her company. Serena had thought about leaving several times but she never did. Whether it was because Serena knew she was safer being in the protection of Preventer, or it was for her own selfish reasons. It was possibly a combination of both.

Serena knew she needed help and by bonding with Heero and the others, her chances of getting out of the mess she had been dropped into were better than her trying on her own. Serena had also wanted to know Heero better. Even though that hadn't gone well and still wasn't going well.

Partly because of herself and partly because of him.

Either way, it didn't matter so much anymore. Last night had proved that Heero would never see Serena as anything but what she was. His clone. They would never see eye to eye and Heero would most likely never change his opinion about her.

Then why did it hurt so much when he refused to answer me? Why does it matter if he cares about me or not?

Serena shook her head against her pillow. She had been weak in front of Heero too. Serena had thought out of any of them, Heero would've understood the most since their backgrounds were similar, though she still questioned if he ever truly understood in the first place. Trying, Serena pushed away the thoughts of Heero to return to her current situation. The one she deemed to be the most important.

Trowa.

Serena needed to try and pinpoint where things had changed. She had continued to flirt with Trowa even before moving in with him. It was a dangerous game, but she knew how to play it well. Serena knew she had pushed things at one point but Trowa had turned around and caught her off guard. Then there was the kiss. The kiss had her heart racing and her head spinning. Never had she felt anything like it before. Serena could feel her face reddening at the memory. It was the start of everything. That kiss had changed her. He had changed her that night.

Serena's thoughts drifted to the things Catherine had said to her the night before. More often than not, Serena found herself thinking over the other woman's words and Serena had learned that she cared for Trowa on a deeper level. What those feelings were Serena wasn't sure, then last night she had let those feelings run ramped. Controlling her actions without a second thought. Serena had been completely honest with him, to a fault. Some secrets she just couldn't share with him.

Closing her eyes, Serena knew she only had a few minutes before Trowa returned. Serena needed to understand why she had allowed herself to be so vulnerable with him. She needed Trowa, but why?

Serena felt safe when she was with Trowa. Her guard could be let down and he never judged her. Trowa accepted her for who she was, even when he didn't know the full truth. Trowa made her feel things she had never experienced before meeting him.

The butterflies she'd get in her stomach from him, or the deep almost burning feeling she'd get when they were together. Any time Trowa would touch her, any time he'd kiss her, Serena felt something. She found comfort in him and a sense of belonging. Trowa made her feel alive like she had never truly been before.

Last night was no different. Trowa had whispered those words again to her, "I love you." His voice had held so much emotion. But what did it mean? Serena knew the general definition of love but not what it felt like to love or be loved in return. Was this what it felt like? Serena remembered her heart pounding in her chest. Why was it that when Trowa spoke those words, it made her react in such a way? She had heard the words before, but they never meant anything, and Serena never felt anything in return.

Serena's eyes snapped open at the sound of the door being opened. All her thoughts vanished as she sat up. Trowa walked into the room, a cup of coffee in each hand. Making his way over to her side of the bed. Serena tried to push any lingering thoughts aside as Trowa sat down on the edge, handing her one of the cups.

"Are you alright?" He asked. Serena snapped her eyes up to his. Concern was written on his face.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you for the coffee," Serena said before she brought the mug up to her lips.

"Your face is flushed, are you sure?" His hand came up to touch her cheek, his fingers trailing down to her jawline. Serena was sure her face had reddened even more and it didn't help that a shiver ran through her body.

"Yeah," she breathed. Serena knew she needed to compose herself but that seemed to be more difficult, especially with him around. Why was she acting like this? She was trained to not have any feelings, made to not have any. And yet a simple touch could paralyze her.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Uh-huh," Serena wanted to slap herself. Part of her was yelling, reminding her to control herself while the other half wanted more. More of him. Serena felt like she was being torn in two. Trowa's chuckle brought her back to reality.

"You're cute when you're not fully awake," he said, leaning forward he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. Her eyes closed from the contact. "Would you like to join me in the shower? Or would you rather stay in bed longer?"

Slowly Serena opened her eyes. Trowa's soft smile held the same amount of gentleness as his kiss. Maybe just this once, Serena could allow herself this one small comfort. Even when she knew that all of this would one day come to an end. Nodding her head, Serena offered Trowa a small smile of her own.

Even if just for a moment in my life, I want to enjoy this. I want to enjoy being with him.

Once they were out of the shower Trowa and Serena dressed for the day. Making their way out into the living room, Serena stopped, looking down the hallway that led to the guest room.

"I don't think Catherine is awake yet," Trowa said as he came to stand next to her.

"No, she is," Serena said. Trowa's eyebrow lifted in question before he heard the door open. Catherine stepped out slowly while holding a hand to her head.

"Remind me to never drink that much again," Catherine groaned as she walked towards them. "How are you not hungover?" She gave Serena a questioning look.

"Fast metabolism?" Serena said as she tilted her head to the side.

"Of course, that would be your answer," Catherine groaned again. Instead of responding, Serena headed toward the kitchen. Trowa watched her carefully as she returned.

"Here, drink this and I'll make us some breakfast," Serena said. Catherine stared down at the bottle of beer that was being held out to her.

"You're joking right?" Catherine asked as she raised her eyes to look at Serena.

"It'll help, I promise."

"I don't know..." Catherine didn't move as Serena opened the bottle and held it out to her once again. Not a word was said but there was a strong determined look in Serena's eyes. Accepting the bottle, Catherine held it in her hands.

"Good. Now go sit and I'll work on some food." Serena spun on her heel heading back to the kitchen where she began pulling out various utensils before heading to the refrigerator.

"Serena can cook?" Catherine asked him.

"She's quite good," Trowa smirked at the questioning look Catherine was giving him. "Serena's been making all of our meals since she started staying here." Catherine's mouth formed an oh before a smug smile graced her lips.

"She's a keeper then," Catherine whispered. Trowa was about to ask what she meant by it when Serena spoke, pulling his attention away.

"Catherine, are you drinking that beer yet?" Catherine sighed before taking a sip.

"Yup," Catherine cringed.

"Just drink it and it probably wouldn't hurt to take something as well," Serena frowned. Turning her head away. "Breakfast will be ready in a little."

"Serena has a point. Duo told me that you should drink something the next morning to help ease the hangover and you usually feel better after," Trowa said when Catherine looked at him.

"Thanks for the help," Catherine grumbled as she made her way toward the bathroom. Beer in hand. Trowa shook his head before he walked over to Serena. She was busy cutting up vegetables.

"Cathy isn't thrilled with you making her drink that."

"She'll get over it," Serena said. Never taking her eyes off the task she was doing.

Trowa sat down on one of the barstools by the island watching Serena. He had offered to help but she refused. Serena was stubborn at times but Trowa wasn't going to push her. Serena seemed to be busy with what she was doing and it seemed her mind was elsewhere. Much like his.

Serena hadn't said anything to him about the previous night. When he had brought her a cup of java, Serena's face had been flushed and she seemed to be nervous. Trowa had brushed it off when she agreed to join him in the shower. It had become a normal morning routine for them. With stolen kisses and light touches, Trowa hadn't pushed for sex even though he had wanted it. Serena's body seemed to have relaxed more under the hot stream of water and her smile had returned to normal. The one that reached up to her eyes. Trowa had wondered if she even remembered anything and what had been said between them.

Taking a chance, Trowa got up and walked around the island to where Serena was standing over by the stove. Wrapping his arms around her, Trowa pressed a kiss to her neck.

"I love you," he murmured against her skin. Trowa felt her tense before her body relaxed in his embrace.

"I know…" she said quietly.

"So you do remember?" Trowa asked as he loosened his hold, allowing Serena to turn and face him.

"Yes," her eyes held a questionable look. "If you're looking for me to respond with the same. I can't."

"I know," Trowa said. To him, it didn't matter, Serena knew how he felt and hadn't run away. "When you're ready," he offered her a smile before Trowa lowered his head to kiss her. Serena's arms found their way around his shoulders as the kiss deepened.

Catherine walked out into the living room, looking to the kitchen where Trowa and Serena were standing. A smile tugged at her lips. The two seemed oblivious to her and for the first time, Catherine witnessed Trowa being affectionate towards someone.

While she was happy for her brother, Catherine had seen enough. Clearing her throat, Catherine made her presence known. Trowa pulled away, turning his head towards her. A blush colored his cheeks while Serena glanced at her before turning back to whatever she had been doing.

"No getting touchy-feely while I'm here," Catherine winked for good nature.

Trowa hid his face as Catherine came to sit at the breakfast bar. Catherine knew he wasn't one to openly kiss someone in front of anyone. Trowa always kept his relationships behind closed doors.

"Are you feeling any better?" Serena asked.

"A little better, yes. Though drinking a beer first thing in the morning isn't something I normally do."

"Finish it," Serena said as she turned around, a plate in her hand. "And eat this."

Serena had made an omelet stuffed with vegetables and cheese. Catherine looked down at it before looking back up.

"Thank you?"

Serena nodded her head, turning back to the stove to start another one. Catherine had been surprised but in a good way. Serena had seasoned the omelet just right and the various vegetables she had added brought a lot of flavor to something as simple as an egg.

Catherine ate quietly next to Trowa while Serena stood opposite them. After a few minutes, Catherine decided to start up a conversation.

"So, Trowa tells me you've been cooking for him since you started staying here?" Catherine asked. Serena looked up from her plate.

"Yes."

"What else do you do around here if you don't mind me asking?" Catherine asked. Serena's brow lifted this time.

"I take care of the apartment."

"So, you clean and cook. Do you do laundry as well?"

"Yes…" Serena looked at Trowa with a questioning look.

"I see," Catherine nodded her head. Turning to look at Trowa. "I stand by my earlier statement."

"What earlier statement?" Serena looked at them with a puzzled expression on her face. Catherine saw Trowa lowered his head, hiding his face behind his bangs.

"That you're a keeper," Catherine said with a wide smile on her face.

"Keeper?" Serena turned to Trowa. "What does that mean!?" Trowa chuckled lightly, his bangs still shielding his face.

"It means Trowa shouldn't give you up. A woman like you is hard to come by so he better be smart and treat you right." Catherine couldn't help herself, she tried to hold in the laughter when Serena's face paled at the same time her eyes grew wide.

"Serena," Trowa said as he reached to touch her hand.

"I don't want to know and I'm just going to make another pot of coffee," Serena shook her head before she pulled her hand away. Turning she busied herself with just that.

Trowa looked at Catherine. She smiled at him and mouthed, "I like her."

After the kitchen was cleaned and more coffee was made the three sat down in the living room to talk. Catherine seemed to be feeling better and had been asking Trowa how work had been before Serena had come to stay with him.

Serena for her part hadn't taken any offense and chose to stay quiet while Trowa and Catherine were talking. Trowa had asked how the Circus was doing and if they were planning on traveling to Earth any time soon. Serena's ear had perked up at the mention of it. Serena had asked if he'd be going back if they came to Earth. When Trowa asked Serena why she had asked that, Serena only smirked at him.

"I'd very much like to see Catherine throw some knives at you."

The conversation had stopped till Trowa's laughter broke the silence. He had told Serena about the different performances he used to do. Even though Serena knew most of them. But Trowa had learned that Serena had never seen one of their shows. Trowa promised Serena that if they ever came to Earth, he'd take her and possibly put on his old costume to do a few acts with Catherine. Once Trowa had to explain to Catherine what Serena was referring to, Trowa decided to ask them about their girl's night.

Catherine had jumped straight into telling him everything she could remember. They had gone to dinner at a restaurant not too far from the apartment and Serena even agreed that the food was good. Trowa filed the information away for later use. He had thought about taking Serena out again, and with all the stress they had been under, especially her, a night out would do Serena some good.

From there, Trowa learned that they started bar hopping. Catherine laughed when she told him that she had to explain to Serena what the term meant. Trowa glanced at Serena only to see her shaking her head. Trowa knew Serena didn't understand some terms used by people and Catherine had seemed to pick up on that. Catherine had apologized to Serena for laughing about it again before she continued with her story.

"Then we ended up at this one bar that was doing karaoke. I tried getting Serena to go up on stage with me," Catherine said. Trowa couldn't hide his smirk. Karaoke and Serena sounded like a good idea in theory, but he knew that it wasn't something she'd do. "It took some convincing, but I got Serena to agree to sing a song with me."

Trowa glanced at Serena from the corner of his eye. Serena was trying to hide her blush behind her coffee mug. He wasn't expecting to hear that bit of information.

"She's incredible!" Catherine beamed. Trowa had to agree. Serena was but he had already known that.

"So you only sing when you're drunk?" Trowa smirked at Serena. He watched as her face reddened even more.

"You knew she could sing!?" Catherine stood, placing her hands on her hips.

"Yes," he said.

"And why did neither of you tell me this!?"

"I don't sing for people," Serena stated.

"Then why did you last night?"

"Because you wanted to," Serena said flatly.

"Wait… you sang because of me?"

"Yes? You asked me to do it. You said that it would be fun. Am I wrong?" Serena asked with a confused look on her face.

"No… it's just… you sang because of me?" Catherine repeated herself.

"Yes."

"But you won't sing for him?" Catherine asked, pointing to Trowa.

"I have." Serena elaborated more when Catherine threw her a questioning look. "Sort of."

"So if we get you drunk again will you sing for him?"

"No," Serena deadpanned.

"What if I put on some music? Will you sing then?" Catherine kept one hand on her hip. "Don't you want to hear her, Trowa?" Catherine asked, turning to him.

"Always," Trowa smirked when he caught Serena's glare. Trowa knew he wasn't helping her situation, but Trowa couldn't help but tease Serena a little bit. It wasn't like she never teased him.

"I will not sing," Serena said pointedly to both Catherine and himself.

"Fine," Catherine huffed as she sat back down on the couch. "Now what?"

Trowa was about to respond to Cathy when a knock came from the apartment door. Trowa exchanged glances with Serena as she stood, moving towards Catherine. He wasn't expecting anyone, nor had Serena mentioned anything about someone stopping by.

Making his way to the door, Trowa opened it to see Dorothy and Quatre standing on the other side.

"Hello, Trowa," Quatre smiled.

"Hello," Dorothy said.

Trowa turned his head to look at Catherine and Serena. Serena was standing in front of Catherine, while Catherine stayed seated on the couch.

"Oh, so this must be the famous Serena I've heard so much about," Dorothy said. Trowa turned back to Dorothy. He stepped aside as Dorothy made her way in. Quatre sent him an apologetic look as he followed her.

Trowa shut the door, turning in time to see Dorothy and Quatre making their way to the living room before Dorothy stopped dead in her tracks.

"Aria?"

A/N

Happy Wednesday!

Oh boy. So do you think Dorothy knows Serena? Or is Dorothy mistaken? You'll find out on Friday!

Let's start with Serena. Serena's doing a lot of reflecting on not only what happened the night before, but what has led up to this point. Serena goes through a variety of emotions. We see that Serena's feelings have changed for Trowa from the beginning of their relationship, from when they first met, up to the point she's at now. Serena's allowing herself to confess that she does care for Trowa and while it's been in the back of her mind, it would appear that she's finally giving into those feelings, as confusing as they are to her. Was Serena always interested in Trowa? Serena knows a lot about Trowa from viewing the file that J provided her. Did Serena develop some sort of feelings towards Trowa before she even met him in person? Something to think about.

To quickly touch on Serena's thoughts on Heero, before we move on, Serena is clearly upset still by the fact Heero didn't answer her question. But why was Serena looking for him to answer her so badly? Maybe Serena's unable to admit to herself that she cares for Heero deeply as well. To be honest, I think Serena has always wanted Heero to like her and care about her the way she does for him. I think there's a deeper connection there that neither of them wants to admit or recognize.

Back to Serena trying to figure out what she feels for Trowa. Serena realizes that Trowa is the reason she's changed. Sound familiar? Serena is learning that her feelings for Trowa are real. She's comfortable, Trowa makes her feel safe. Trowa makes her feel like she's alive. And having him tell her that he loves her, now has Serena thinking even deeper about those feelings. Because maybe Serena's questioning if she loves him or not. Regardless, it seems as though for whatever time she has left in this world, she's going to enjoy being with Trowa. She's going to enjoy what it's like to be loved, for the first time in her whole 6 years of life. If you're mad I ruined that... I had to because I was getting choked up.

(I should also note that Serena reminds herself that she was not only trained to not have feelings but made to not have feelings.)

Moving on, Catherine loves Serena. Doesn't matter that they went out and got wasted the night before, Catherine believes wholeheartedly that Serena is a "keeper," and that Trowa shouldn't mess up this relationship. It may be because of what will happen in the next chapter, but Catherine is dreaming big already. Though it's very interesting that Serena didn't hear Catherine say that the first time. Did anyone notice? Serena knew Catherine was awake before Catherine came out of her room, but yet Serena didn't hear Catherine's comment to Trowa. But Serena was clearly paying attention to them talking.

Trowa... just dropping those words like it's the easiest thing he's ever done in his life. But Serena says she can't say them back. Not that she doesn't want to, well she doesn't know what the hell love is so I don't blame her for not saying anything. Good luck Trowa, that's all I'm gonna say.

Dorothy and Quatre... wonder what's going to happen. And why did Dorothy say "Aria?" What else is a certain someone not telling people?

Shit's getting real, that's the best way I can put it. Get ready for a wild ride moving forward. It'll be slow and fast-paced at the same time. Slow because of posting and how I have the chapters set up, fast as in everything happening.

I'll see you all on Friday with chapter 50, Old Acquaintances!

-MM