Dreams

Her husband is a good man.

His hand is big and warm and encompasses hers in a secure hold that makes her feel safe. His eyes are kind; a little sharp when it comes to work, but a pool of love when it comes to her and their daughter. His voice is like caramel in the morning and the sugar in her coffee she never knew she needed until she met him.

Sakura knows all these things. Sakura knows he is a good husband and a good father. Sakura knows he loves her.

Yet he isn't him.

It is a warm night. They walk hand-in-hand after their dinner date, the second one this month because he was away for a week for work. Her husband has always been like that—making it up to her with well-planned romantic dates and flowers and wine, and she is grinning up at him as he tells her a corny joke from his father.

They reach the car, ready to get home to their daughter they left with a babysitter when a faint sound of a piano in a local jazz bar catches her husband's attention. He looks at her in wonderment and asks if she wants to check it out for a bit, and she immediately says yes. Anything that could make him happy, really. In her mind and in her heart, that's the only thing that matters.

Sakura follows him through the neon-lighted doorway of the bar. She can see the excitement in his body as they walk inside and she couldn't help but smile. He can be such a child sometimes, but it's one of his charms that made her so fond of him. She still has that smile as she slowly makes her way deeper but one look at the name of the bar halted all of her thoughts and breathing.

In bright lights and in a pink neon sign, there flashed her name.

/

"I think it's a horrible idea."

"Sakura," he warned. "I will kick you out of the apartment."

She snorted, "You love me too much to do that." She laughed when he didn't deny it. "C'mon Sas-"

"I will call my bar whatever the hell I want," he all but pouted. He made her heart glow with warmth. "And I will actually ban you from entering it. Watch and see."

She teased him more, "You're banning the only person who will be your customer? Are you sure?"

Sakura squealed when he pounced on her and tickled her weak spots. Her laugh echoed throughout their home and she can see his amused eyes and boyish smiles. She felt so lucky to have such a handsome man.

When the laughter and the teasing died down, and when his arms were around her as they lazed around their couch she heard him ask, "What do you suggest I name it then, since you're such a genius and you know all about marketing and sales?"

She smiled and burrowed herself further in the cages of his strong arms, "I don't know. Maybe you should name it after me... since you love me too much to do that."

His voice was soft and his lips were warm when it touched her forehead when he answered, "Not bad."

/

She was only teasing back then, but now, here she is.

There is a lump in her throat that threatens to choke the hell out of her. Her heart is beating twice as much and her hands are shaking. She feels the presence of her husband back on her side to check on her and when he looks at the sign, Sakura heard him chuckle.

"Well, would you look at that? It's named after you, darling." Sakura feels his hand reach out to her and he leads her further inside.

The music is louder inside and she can feel the pulse of the drum together with the melody of the trumpet and saxophone that rival the pulse of her heartbeat. Underneath is the strum of the guitar and every stroke tugs at her own strings inside. The piano awakens the memories she buried a long time ago.

/

She was walking home after a disappointing audition. There was a splash of cold coffee staining her white dress and her blistered feet sucking her energy and her hope dwindling down the drain.

Another day, another failed attempt at her dream. When will this cycle end?

There was an unfamiliar sound that suddenly caught her ears. It's coming from a piano being played inside a restaurant she's passing by, yet the music was so unfamiliar. There was some sort of crying for help in the notes and a lament at a loss of something you never even had in the first place.

Just like her.

Sakura had to see it, the person screaming the same thing as her; and when she entered the restaurant, she had to take a second because there he was.

His hair was as black as the grand piano he was playing on and slightly covered his eyes. He has a side profile of a 50's film actor and her mind automatically went haywire. The movements of his elegant fingers are absolute; the intensity of it palpable. Sakura was even sure he forgot there were people around him because he seemed so lost in his anthem.

The beautiful piano man played his last note. There was a moment of breath he let out and Sakura realized that he had his eyes closed because she can see him opening his lids.

He looked around as if checking if someone was watching, and slightly frowned when he knew no one was paying attention. His eyes finally landed on her and Sakura knew.

That was the first time she saw his face. Right then, she knew it's a face she'll be loving for a long time.

/

That face is now inside a box in Sakura's heart not to be opened again. It's not that she doesn't want to but because she can't afford to any longer. It's a face that she knows can crumble every foundation she has built after 5 years of their separation.

Applause from the audience erupted as she sits down beside her spouse. She timidly claps together with them, eyes darting around the place, afraid and anticipating that same face at once.

Until suddenly, there he is.

Sasuke Uchiha comes back to her life and opens the goddamn box himself, seeing his way out to say hello. He's clapping as well as he makes his way to the stage. Sakura follows him with her eyes.

He's still beautiful- his lean form more built than it was the last time she saw him. He still has that aristocratic aura in him but he seems more approachable now, evident on the way he enthusiastically shakes the musicians' hands and his smile. And his voice, no matter how long it may be, still evokes warmth inside her chest.

"Thank you very much to all these wonderful musicians we have tonight," he speaks through the microphone confidently. He gives them a short but appreciative introduction to the audience, recognizing the talent and passion the band emanates. "And of course, thank you to every one of you who are here to join us."

There are hollers and even more clapping but it all died down when their eyes meet, just like they did back then.

She saw Sasuke flinch and Sakura couldn't help but grip her purse harder. Sakura watches as he opens his mouth but no words came. In the end, he settled to smile a little and averts his eyes from her.

"Welcome to Sakura's."

He made his way to his favorite place in the world, he shared with her one time- in front of the piano. Sakura holds her breath and she knows everyone in the room is doing the same. They all collectively wait as he stares at the keys.

She wonders what runs through his head. He's always been a recluse, the company he has most of the time being himself and his thoughts. She once tried to get inside them but was never successful in unfolding the mystery behind it. Sakura only got glimpses of it, pieces of himself he was willing to share with her, and she was content.

Now as she watches him collect his bearings, she finds herself wishing it could've been different. She still wants to know what he's thinking, especially now that they are in front of each other.

How are you? Are you finally happy? Did you finally stop caring about what other people think? Are you living your dream?

He finally raises his hands and hovers them above the keys.

Do you still think of me?

When she heard the familiar tune, she knew.

/

"I'm so sorry," Sasuke pleaded. "I forgot I had a schedule today that's why I didn't make it here."

Sakura's vision was blurry because of tears forming in her eyes. She made her way past him to get all of her belongings inside her car. The costumes, the props, the lightbulbs, and painted backgrounds- she tossed it all in her backseat.

She wished she can also toss him there and take him with her, but he knows she cannot do that. Not with his work and her broken heart on the line.

"Sakura, please. Talk to me," he tried to keep her from going to the driver's side of her vehicle. "At least let me know how it went."

She stopped walking, "It's over."

"I know, and I wanted to be here and support you but-"

"No, Sasuke," she interrupted him. Tears were finally falling from her eyes, "This is over."

His eyes were still and wide. It took him a moment to reply back, "What do you mean?"

"I'm done," she cried softly. "I'm so tired of this. I don't want to do this anymore."

They stood outside the theater where she just finished her one-man stage play that he chose not to be at. The street was deserted and the streetlight illuminating them was flickering on and off, like a mocking representation of their relationship.

"You don't mean that," Sasuke whispered.

"Yes I do, Sasuke."

"Please, let's just talk about this..."

"Maybe you're right," she voiced out. She looks at him longingly, as if he's still far away and not inches away from her. "Maybe it's time to grow up. Maybe it's time for me to give up this pipe dream of becoming an actress and get a different career. Maybe it's time for me to get a new dream just like you did."

Memories of them arguing about him pursuing a work he doesn't even like just because he wants to earn money for them flashed on her mind. Words of "you don't understand" and "I'm doing it for us" and "maybe you only liked me when I was down so you could feel better about yourself" echoed through her heart and it made her cry harder.

"I'm not cut out for this," Sakura continued. "I'm tired and I'm done."

She walked past him to get inside her car. She felt him follow her and she immediately slammed the car close. She ignored the way Sasuke was tapping on her window and shouting his love for her, and the way her heart clenched as she wiped her tears away.

When she drove away, she took one last look at her rear-view mirror and saw the love of her life watching her go. It took all of her courage to push on the gas and move forward.

/

As Sasuke plays the song she heard that night after she failed audition, a kaleidoscope of what-if's and what could've been's start to grow beneath her ribs.

Things like he could've been the one dropping her off at the airport when she got the role he helped her get and the one picking her up when she finally got home. He could've been her date when she finally got her first award for her supporting performance in her first movie. He could've been the father of her child and the one sitting beside her right now.

He could've been the one.

What if I didn't leave? What if I just endured a little bit longer? What if I didn't become so selfish in loving you?

So many questions, so many doubts; but none of them matters now.

This is their reality- he on his favorite spot in the world doing what he does best, and she on the front row of his performance with someone who loves her more than anything else.

And their dream, where they ended up together and lived with the family they made, is also a pipe-dream that they now have to let go.

The next thing she knows, there's a deafening cheer around her after the last lingering note and the voice of her husband met her ears above the loud applause. "Do you want to stay or do you want to go home?"

Sakura's eyes lingered on Sasuke for a moment, then looks at her other half. She touches his hand, "Let's go."

She chooses to leave with her chosen one and go home. He may not have elegant fingers or make her feel the feeling she gets when she watches her favorite films, but he is a good man. Her husband is a good man and she chooses him.

Sasuke might be her dream, but she chooses this reality.

They stand quietly and move around the cheering customers. Her husband says something about getting the car ready before he went ahead. Before she follows him outside, she stops. And just like she did when she left him that night, Sakura looks back.

He is already looking at her.

Even from a distance, Sakura can see his eyes shine. From the lights or from the tears that are also gathering in hers, she doesn't know. All she knows is she's glad she saw him again. With the way his handsome face softens, she knows he feels the same.

Sakura sees him smile sadly at her and her heart clenches a little painfully at the gesture. She gathers all the courage she could muster as she holds her head up and smiled back. She hopes he knows that what they said to each other still rings true until now.

It forever will be.

"I'm always gonna love you, you know?"

"I'm always gonna love you, too."

~fin~