Hyrule: Caught On Camera!
A fanfic by Sheik
Disclaimer: See chapter one
Well, here's the next episode in my first attempt at a humorous story! ("Humor" is the secondary genre for a reason, people!) I hope you like it, so be sure to review and tell me what you think. I am open to suggestions, too!
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤
(We see nothing but total blackness except the glow from the giant TV monitor, which dimly lights up the red couch and a coffee table which has been placed in front of it. A bewildered audience is half-applauding, half- murmuring and some have multicolored glowsticks. As a shadowy figure steps forward, everybody hushes and the glowsticks go out. The figure is followed by a fairy, which suddenly flies higher, showing the dim figure of Saria, who is holding a megaphone.)
Saria: (through megaphone) Hello, and welcome back to "Hyrule: Caught On Camera!" If you are wondering about the lights, we are currently experiencing a power failure, and due to a lack of proper technicians, the backup generators only cover the monitor, and about three microphones in the back of the studio.
(About three flashlight beams fall on Saria from different spots in the audience. The fairy, no longer needed, settles down on the coffee table.)
Saria: (through megaphone) Thank you. Now, as you know, our show's first contestant is none other than the Hero of Time himself. Link!
Audience: (Applause)
Saria: (through megaphone) And we will be watching his footage—
Audience: Yay!
Saria: (through megaphone) —right after this commercial break.
Audience: Aaaawwwww..........
(The screen goes black and fades in on Hyrule castle in the morning as the first rays of sun dawn over the mountains. It is a very tranquil scene until we cut to a shot of the inside of the castle: the Royal Gym to be exact. We see a bunch of people working out on multiples of the same huge, scary machine. Princess Zelda is walking around and giving instructions to the people. We see that she is wearing a black sports bra- the kind that can be worn as a top- and black workout capris. Her hair is back in a ponytail, and there is a black cloth headband in her hair. She is much different from the Zelda in the game as she has rippling muscles all over.)
Zelda: That's it! Work your arms! You, fifteen pounds more resistance! Come on! Work harder! Harder! Harder!
(Zelda sees the camera and walks up to it and begins talking like those over-charismatic people that are always on infomercials)
Zelda: Do you want to get in shape? Do you want six-pack abs and a killer punch? Then have I got the machine for you!
(She points to one of the machines, which is currently vacant.)
Zelda: Meet the Lizalfinator! How many times have you wished you could be in as good shape as a lizalfos, jumping and running with the greatest of ease? Then you need the Lizalfinator! When you call the toll-free number that will be displayed at the end of this announcement you will receive the Lizalfinator at your door in an amazingly fast six months! Some assembly is required, but if- er, when- you complete the construction, you will be amazed at the variety of exercises available to you!
(Cut to a scene of a huge box of nothing but amazingly small parts, metal tubes, rods, weights, and little rubber doohickeys. An annoyed Hylian throws down an incomprehensible map, which is supposed to tell you how to put the thing together, and throws the entire "machine" in the trash. Next we see a person who has managed to put the monstrosity together, and they are doing an amazing total of three different exercises. The screen fades out and fades back in on the gym again.)
Zelda: This amazing machine can fit nearly anywhere!
(We see a flustered Hylian trying to cram the thing in a closet, under a bed, and finally into a trash can.)
Zelda: You will not only get the Lizalfinator, but we will throw in three extra-resistance weights at no cost whatsoever!
(We see Link, who, wearing his golden gauntlets, still cannot lift the lightest of the weights more than one foot off the ground. A telephone number flashes across the screen when the scene goes back to the gym)
Zelda: Simply call "l-2384-599987-5690243-222654-95986533-8362057294568- lizalfinator", and the Lizalfinator is yours in only ten easy payments of three thousand rupees! Well, I've got to go use my Lizalfinator now, so I'll see you later when I return to show you another one of our great products: The Bomb Roller! How many times have you wished that you could roll downhill holding a bomb flower just like the Gorons do? The answer will come when I come back with another one of Dangerous Lifesaving Products, inc.'s great inventions! See ya!
(The screen fades out and back in on the studio. The lights have come back on, and Saria is talking to a guy from the tech crew while she gets her mic in place. Upon hearing a message via his headset, the guy takes off, carrying the megaphone as Saria addresses the audience.)
Saria: Welcome back! Now that we've got our power back, we can bring you the rest of our show!
Audience: Yay! (Applause)
Saria: So, without—
(The fairy flies up from where she was sleeping on the coffee table.)
Fairy: Hey! That's my line!
Saria: Sorry. Go ahead.
Fairy: Thank you. *Ahem!* So, without further ado, we proudly present:
Saria and Fairy: Hyrule:
Saria, Fairy, and Audience: Caught on Camera!
Audience: Yay! (Lots of applause and cheering)
(The screen goes black as Saria sits down on the couch and the Fairy takes her place on the coffee table.)
Day 1: Link is trying out his new equipment.
(The scene fades in on a lovely picture: a poorly-operated handheld video camera is focusing in and out on the most beautiful shot of Link's knees that anyone has ever seen.)
Link: Sweeeeet……..
(The date-and-time display mechanism kicks in, displaying "Feb. 49,0000" at the bottom left comer of the screen. "15:92 AM" is flashing annoyingly right beneath it)
Link: Aw, man! Why did they have to make it unfixable!?
Mysterious Voices: (from outside) Hey, Link!
Link: Huh!?
(The camera shuts off and we see a shot of about three very excited Kokiri children sticking their faces directly into the camera.)
Kokiri: Cooooollllll.....
Kokiri #1: Hey, can I see it?
All Kokiri: Hey! No fair! I wanna!
(The three Kokiri that were there and two others have tackled Link and are trying to wrestle the camera out of his hands.)
Link: Hey! Watch it! Cut that out!
(Link somehow manages to get up and get away from the Kokiri. A few chase after him, but most give up the chase. The camera shuts off, and we see a shot of Link's face. He appears to be in the Lost Woods somewhere.)
Link: Hello, and welcome to the first edition of SageCam! Our first sage is Saria. Let's go see what we can see!
(Link steps through a log and we see a huge maze made out of hedges. Since Ganon has been defeated, the moblins are gone and the mad scrubs are back. Link doesn't seem too worried about them as he dashes out into the maze, not using the camera well at all. We see a dizzy shot of the ground moving up and down very quickly, with the occasional appearance of Link's right foot.)
Link: And here we go! Through the—OOF!!!
(A very angry Mad Scrub has shot a well-aimed Deku nut at Link's feet. Link falls to the ground and we see a sideways shot of the mad scrub running up to the camera. It picks up the camera and takes off. Fortunately, the scrub has grabbed the camera backwards and we can see a Suprisingly good view of a harried Link trying to catch up with the scrub.)
Link: (as she scrub is taking the camera) Wh-? HEY! Give that back!
Link: (getting up off the ground) Come back you little pest! Argh! I HATE SCRUBS!!!!
(Unfortunately, that call has rung throughout the entire Sacred Forest meadow, and all the scrubs in the place are now getting even with the unfortunate Hero of Time.)
Link: What!? Hey! Stop that! Ow, that hurts! Okay, you asked for it!!!
(Now the scrub still has the camera, so we get a great view of poor Link being pelted with Deku nuts. Eventually he gets sick and tired of that, so he draws his sword. He holds it back as all else around him grows dark. The blade is surrounded by flames: white, blue, and eventually a deep crimson- red. Link lets fly the powerful attack, dispatching all the scrubs except the one with the camera.)
Link: YAHAAAA!!! That'll teach you to mess with me! And now for you....
(The scrub realizes whom Link is talking to and takes off like a hurricane, with Link close behind. Eventually Link gets an idea and draws out the Fairy Bow. With one skilled shot, the scrub is gone and the camera falls to the ground, upside-down. Link runs to the camera and picks it up.)
Link: Whew! There you have it, folks! The Hero of Time in action!
(The camera shuts off and goes to a shot of the stairs in the meadow. Apparently Link is crawling up the steps so as to get a better look at Saria. We can see nothing but a green fairy floating above a tree stump. As Link crawls closer, music can be heard: Saria's Song. Finally Link gets up and walks towards the stump. In a moment Saria seems to materialize out of nowhere.)
Saria: (Looking down at her ocarina) Oh, hello. Link! How are you!
(Saria notices the camera pointed right at her.)
Saria: Link! Stop that! You know I'm busy! Go tape someone else!
(The camera shuts off and we see the next scene: Saria, inside her house, working on her lines for the next episode of the show.)
Saria: But don't worry! I'm sure the next footage will be— - No, that's not it...umm... Now, our next contestant has more experience in filmmaking, so— no, no, NO!
(Link cautiously draws closer to the house as Saria looks up to notice the camera lens sticking through her window.)
Saria: LINK! What did I tell you!?
(Saria fires up a green energy ball and aims it at the camera. We see a lot of green sparks and then static. The camera shuts off.)
A fanfic by Sheik
Disclaimer: See chapter one
Well, here's the next episode in my first attempt at a humorous story! ("Humor" is the secondary genre for a reason, people!) I hope you like it, so be sure to review and tell me what you think. I am open to suggestions, too!
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤
(We see nothing but total blackness except the glow from the giant TV monitor, which dimly lights up the red couch and a coffee table which has been placed in front of it. A bewildered audience is half-applauding, half- murmuring and some have multicolored glowsticks. As a shadowy figure steps forward, everybody hushes and the glowsticks go out. The figure is followed by a fairy, which suddenly flies higher, showing the dim figure of Saria, who is holding a megaphone.)
Saria: (through megaphone) Hello, and welcome back to "Hyrule: Caught On Camera!" If you are wondering about the lights, we are currently experiencing a power failure, and due to a lack of proper technicians, the backup generators only cover the monitor, and about three microphones in the back of the studio.
(About three flashlight beams fall on Saria from different spots in the audience. The fairy, no longer needed, settles down on the coffee table.)
Saria: (through megaphone) Thank you. Now, as you know, our show's first contestant is none other than the Hero of Time himself. Link!
Audience: (Applause)
Saria: (through megaphone) And we will be watching his footage—
Audience: Yay!
Saria: (through megaphone) —right after this commercial break.
Audience: Aaaawwwww..........
(The screen goes black and fades in on Hyrule castle in the morning as the first rays of sun dawn over the mountains. It is a very tranquil scene until we cut to a shot of the inside of the castle: the Royal Gym to be exact. We see a bunch of people working out on multiples of the same huge, scary machine. Princess Zelda is walking around and giving instructions to the people. We see that she is wearing a black sports bra- the kind that can be worn as a top- and black workout capris. Her hair is back in a ponytail, and there is a black cloth headband in her hair. She is much different from the Zelda in the game as she has rippling muscles all over.)
Zelda: That's it! Work your arms! You, fifteen pounds more resistance! Come on! Work harder! Harder! Harder!
(Zelda sees the camera and walks up to it and begins talking like those over-charismatic people that are always on infomercials)
Zelda: Do you want to get in shape? Do you want six-pack abs and a killer punch? Then have I got the machine for you!
(She points to one of the machines, which is currently vacant.)
Zelda: Meet the Lizalfinator! How many times have you wished you could be in as good shape as a lizalfos, jumping and running with the greatest of ease? Then you need the Lizalfinator! When you call the toll-free number that will be displayed at the end of this announcement you will receive the Lizalfinator at your door in an amazingly fast six months! Some assembly is required, but if- er, when- you complete the construction, you will be amazed at the variety of exercises available to you!
(Cut to a scene of a huge box of nothing but amazingly small parts, metal tubes, rods, weights, and little rubber doohickeys. An annoyed Hylian throws down an incomprehensible map, which is supposed to tell you how to put the thing together, and throws the entire "machine" in the trash. Next we see a person who has managed to put the monstrosity together, and they are doing an amazing total of three different exercises. The screen fades out and fades back in on the gym again.)
Zelda: This amazing machine can fit nearly anywhere!
(We see a flustered Hylian trying to cram the thing in a closet, under a bed, and finally into a trash can.)
Zelda: You will not only get the Lizalfinator, but we will throw in three extra-resistance weights at no cost whatsoever!
(We see Link, who, wearing his golden gauntlets, still cannot lift the lightest of the weights more than one foot off the ground. A telephone number flashes across the screen when the scene goes back to the gym)
Zelda: Simply call "l-2384-599987-5690243-222654-95986533-8362057294568- lizalfinator", and the Lizalfinator is yours in only ten easy payments of three thousand rupees! Well, I've got to go use my Lizalfinator now, so I'll see you later when I return to show you another one of our great products: The Bomb Roller! How many times have you wished that you could roll downhill holding a bomb flower just like the Gorons do? The answer will come when I come back with another one of Dangerous Lifesaving Products, inc.'s great inventions! See ya!
(The screen fades out and back in on the studio. The lights have come back on, and Saria is talking to a guy from the tech crew while she gets her mic in place. Upon hearing a message via his headset, the guy takes off, carrying the megaphone as Saria addresses the audience.)
Saria: Welcome back! Now that we've got our power back, we can bring you the rest of our show!
Audience: Yay! (Applause)
Saria: So, without—
(The fairy flies up from where she was sleeping on the coffee table.)
Fairy: Hey! That's my line!
Saria: Sorry. Go ahead.
Fairy: Thank you. *Ahem!* So, without further ado, we proudly present:
Saria and Fairy: Hyrule:
Saria, Fairy, and Audience: Caught on Camera!
Audience: Yay! (Lots of applause and cheering)
(The screen goes black as Saria sits down on the couch and the Fairy takes her place on the coffee table.)
Day 1: Link is trying out his new equipment.
(The scene fades in on a lovely picture: a poorly-operated handheld video camera is focusing in and out on the most beautiful shot of Link's knees that anyone has ever seen.)
Link: Sweeeeet……..
(The date-and-time display mechanism kicks in, displaying "Feb. 49,0000" at the bottom left comer of the screen. "15:92 AM" is flashing annoyingly right beneath it)
Link: Aw, man! Why did they have to make it unfixable!?
Mysterious Voices: (from outside) Hey, Link!
Link: Huh!?
(The camera shuts off and we see a shot of about three very excited Kokiri children sticking their faces directly into the camera.)
Kokiri: Cooooollllll.....
Kokiri #1: Hey, can I see it?
All Kokiri: Hey! No fair! I wanna!
(The three Kokiri that were there and two others have tackled Link and are trying to wrestle the camera out of his hands.)
Link: Hey! Watch it! Cut that out!
(Link somehow manages to get up and get away from the Kokiri. A few chase after him, but most give up the chase. The camera shuts off, and we see a shot of Link's face. He appears to be in the Lost Woods somewhere.)
Link: Hello, and welcome to the first edition of SageCam! Our first sage is Saria. Let's go see what we can see!
(Link steps through a log and we see a huge maze made out of hedges. Since Ganon has been defeated, the moblins are gone and the mad scrubs are back. Link doesn't seem too worried about them as he dashes out into the maze, not using the camera well at all. We see a dizzy shot of the ground moving up and down very quickly, with the occasional appearance of Link's right foot.)
Link: And here we go! Through the—OOF!!!
(A very angry Mad Scrub has shot a well-aimed Deku nut at Link's feet. Link falls to the ground and we see a sideways shot of the mad scrub running up to the camera. It picks up the camera and takes off. Fortunately, the scrub has grabbed the camera backwards and we can see a Suprisingly good view of a harried Link trying to catch up with the scrub.)
Link: (as she scrub is taking the camera) Wh-? HEY! Give that back!
Link: (getting up off the ground) Come back you little pest! Argh! I HATE SCRUBS!!!!
(Unfortunately, that call has rung throughout the entire Sacred Forest meadow, and all the scrubs in the place are now getting even with the unfortunate Hero of Time.)
Link: What!? Hey! Stop that! Ow, that hurts! Okay, you asked for it!!!
(Now the scrub still has the camera, so we get a great view of poor Link being pelted with Deku nuts. Eventually he gets sick and tired of that, so he draws his sword. He holds it back as all else around him grows dark. The blade is surrounded by flames: white, blue, and eventually a deep crimson- red. Link lets fly the powerful attack, dispatching all the scrubs except the one with the camera.)
Link: YAHAAAA!!! That'll teach you to mess with me! And now for you....
(The scrub realizes whom Link is talking to and takes off like a hurricane, with Link close behind. Eventually Link gets an idea and draws out the Fairy Bow. With one skilled shot, the scrub is gone and the camera falls to the ground, upside-down. Link runs to the camera and picks it up.)
Link: Whew! There you have it, folks! The Hero of Time in action!
(The camera shuts off and goes to a shot of the stairs in the meadow. Apparently Link is crawling up the steps so as to get a better look at Saria. We can see nothing but a green fairy floating above a tree stump. As Link crawls closer, music can be heard: Saria's Song. Finally Link gets up and walks towards the stump. In a moment Saria seems to materialize out of nowhere.)
Saria: (Looking down at her ocarina) Oh, hello. Link! How are you!
(Saria notices the camera pointed right at her.)
Saria: Link! Stop that! You know I'm busy! Go tape someone else!
(The camera shuts off and we see the next scene: Saria, inside her house, working on her lines for the next episode of the show.)
Saria: But don't worry! I'm sure the next footage will be— - No, that's not it...umm... Now, our next contestant has more experience in filmmaking, so— no, no, NO!
(Link cautiously draws closer to the house as Saria looks up to notice the camera lens sticking through her window.)
Saria: LINK! What did I tell you!?
(Saria fires up a green energy ball and aims it at the camera. We see a lot of green sparks and then static. The camera shuts off.)