Hyrule: Caught on Camera!
A fanfic by Sheik
Disclaimer: GOTCHA!!! I made you think that I was going back on my word, didn't I? Well, YOU go to chapter one and read your precious little disclaimer. Yeah.
By the way, in this fic, Ganon and Ganondorf are two separate beings. Ganondorf was allowed to leave on probation on the catch that his evil side was left in the Sacred Realm in the form of Ganon.
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DAY FIVE: The Ganon Project
¤ As the camera turns on, we see that Link has gathered the three Sacred Stones and the Ocarina of Time and has opened the Door of Time with them. Link is running up to grab the Master Sword. Of course, he is using the camera horribly, but at least this time we can see pretty much what Link sees. ¤
Link: And heeeeeerrrrreeee we go!
¤ Link grabs the hilt of the Master Sword with his free hand and instantly blue light surrounds the Link. The next thing we see is that Link is now in the Chamber of the Sages. He is facing Rauru, who does not seem too happy about this little intrusion. ¤
Rauru: And WHAT was it that you wanted? Room and board for another seven years, is it?
Link: Nah. I just wanted to get into the Sacred Realm.
Rauru: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Link: Yeah. You see, it's for this TV show….
Rauru: TV SHOW?! Then by all means, go ahead! It's about this realm got some attention from the press! Would you like an interview?
Link: Ah, no thanks. This is about what Ganon did to the Sacred Realm, and I think it's best to show it first-hand rather than by word of mouth.
Rauru: I see. Well, go ahead! And if you get a chance, I'd love a spare tape of that!
Link: ¤ Rolls his eyes ¤ Sure, Rauru…
Rauru: Yay!
¤ Rauru opens the door out of the Temple of Light and Link leaves to be greeted by a wasteland of… ¤
Link: CHEEZ-E PUFFS BAGS?!?!?!
¤ Apparently Ganon, during his imprisonment, had a horrible case of the "Munchies". Aside from the lightning-swept sky, the tumbled wasteland of slag, broken rock, and dead brambles, there are stacks and stacks of empty CHEEZ-E PUFFS bags EVERYWHERE. ¤
Link: Man, did this guy ever hear of Recycling?
¤ Link continues on his trek, apparently to find Ganon. The song "Mods de Chocobo" from Final Fantasy VIII (AKA The music that plays when you're riding around on a chocobo) comes on as Link begins running around. Every now and then Link holds the camera out in front of himself so we can see him running around. ¤
Link: ¤ Singing along to the music ¤ Doo doodee doo dee da da doo dee dodadadoodee…
¤ Link continues and suddenly steps on something crunchy. The music stops. Link bends down to investigate. The camera focuses in on… ¤
Link: CHEEZ-E PUFFS! I must be getting close.
Mysterious Voice: LINK!!!
Link: GAACK!
¤ Link brings the camera back up to reveal Ganon: There is cheese stuff all over his face and claws, and there are even CHEEZ-E PUFFS crumbs all over him. ¤
Ganon: Snarlsnarl grrrrr….LINK!!! Snarl grrrrr snarlnarlarl ZELDA?!
Link: EEP!
¤ Link turns tail and runs as Mods de Chocobo starts up again. Link is holding the camera backwards on his shoulder so he can tape Ganon: he is doing surprisingly well at it, too. This scene continues for about two minutes and then the music stops as the camera shuts off. ¤
DAY SIX: The Ganon Project (Continued)
¤ The camera turns on as Link is taping himself: or rather, the bottom half of his face. ¤
Link: I'm so scared!
¤ The camera shuts off. When it turns on, Link is eating some CHEEZ-E PUFFS that he apparently stole from Ganon. ¤
Link: I LOVE CHEEZ-E PUFFS!!!
¤ The camera shuts off. It then turns on again as Link is running around as "Mods de Chocobo" starts up again (A/N: I know! I'm obsessed with that song! Go download it and you'll see why. It sounds like music from one of those really cool Mitsubishi Car ads. You know the one's I'm talking about!). ¤
Link: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……….
¤ Link runs up to the top of a hill and seeing the opportunity in front of him, Link tapes himself. ¤
Link: I'm about to do SlideCam. Good luck!!!
¤ Link turns the camera around and slides down the steep side of the slope. ¤
Link: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! YEAH!!!
¤ Link suddenly realizes that the slope ends right at the brink of the cliff. It is too late, however, and Link goes careening off the side. ¤
Link: Oh no!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
¤ The camera flies from Link's grasp as he goes off the edge and gets a stunning shot of Link's face as he grabs the Longshot out of his belt pack and launches it at the face of the cliff. As it pulls him back up, Link grabs the shoulder strap of the camera just in time. When Link reaches the side of the cliff, the camera shuts off. ¤
DAY SEVEN: The Ganon Project (Continued)
¤ Link has angered Ganon again and is running for his life. He is shooting from the same angle as before, with Cheez-E Ganon showing up on the screen. ¤
Ganon: GIVE ME MY CHEEZ-E PUFFS!!!!
Link: (In a singsong voice) HA HA!!! I beat you! I beat you! There's the exit! There's the exit!
¤ Link turns the camera around to face a fast-closing exit with Rauru cheering Link on. Link throws the camera inside. It turns around so we see a great shot of poor Link running for his survival. Link dives and JUST makes it inside the Temple of Light: and JUST in time to keep Rauru from picking up the camera. We hear a loud scratching and banging on the door from outside. ¤
Ganon (Voice): CHEEZ-E PUFFS!!! CHEEZ-E PUFFS!!!
Rauru: NO! You've had enough for now! I want mine, too!
¤ Rauru puts a spell on the door to keep Ganon from breaking it and then turns to Link. ¤
Rauru: So, did you get what you wanted?
Link: Close enough.
Rauru: Good, good. I suppose you had better be going now: The Stalfie Show is about to come on!
Link: ByeI'llseeyoulatergottagoreturnthecamera!
¤ Link turns tail and runs as Rauru shouts out one last sentiment: ¤
Rauru: DON'T FORGET TO GET ME A TAPE!!!
¤ The camera shuts off. We go now to the live studio audience. Saria is sitting on the couch, accompanied by Link. The fairy, as always, is asleep on the coffee table. ¤
Saria: Well, that was quite the video! How do you feel about it?
Link: EXHAUSTED.
Saria: No, I meant, are you happy with the video?
Link: Sure, I guess.
Saria: Good. Now, get ready to meet our next contestant, right after this commercial break!
¤ The scene fades out and then back in on a beautiful green field. The sky is baby blue and there is a fake-looking rainbow in the background. ¤
Announcer Voice: Hey, kids! It's time for TeleBeamos!
Children's Voices: YAY!!!
¤ Several brightly colored Beamos run by (How do the RUN?! They don't have FEET! It's just one of the many secrets of the game…) with television screens in what are supposed to be their stomachs. They also have those weird antenna things on their heads, only these are shaped like triforces. ¤
TeleBeamos #1: Hewwo, kiddies!
All Beamos: Heeewwwoooo!!!
TeleBeamos #2: My line! You not nice!
TeleBeamos #1: Me no like woo.
¤ ZAP! ¤
TeleBeamos #2: Owieowieowie! Me telling!
¤ TB2 runs off. TB1 had zapped it with its eye laser thing, if you hadn't guessed. ¤
All TeleBeamos: TewweBeamos! The bestest show awound! If woo don't watch it, woo'll be sowwy!
¤ The commercial ends, and we see the studio again. The fairy is flying around the audience selling popcorn and peanuts. Saria is sitting on the sofa, while Link is sitting on a plush red chair that is to the viewer's left of the sofa. ¤
Saria: Well, now that we're back, we can get on with the show!
Audience: Yay!
Saria: He comes from a sand-ridden wasteland, he's the former King of Evil, say hello to Ganondorf Dragmire! Oh, and thanks to "Farty" for helping the author/producer make her decision on the next contestant!
¤ A chorus of "Boo"s and various blunt objects rain down on Ganondorf as he comes onstage wearing his deli outfit. ¤
Random Audience Member: HEY! It's Gandola!
¤ All the "Boo"s change into a chorus of applause and cheering, and the blunt objects are replaced by flowers and (Yet again) T-shirts. ¤
Ganondorf: NO! NOT THE T-SHIRTS!
¤ Ganondorf sits down on the couch next to Saria. However, he is so large and heavy compared to Saria that the whole couch tips over to the viewer's left, spilling its contents onto the unfortunate Hero of Time. Link is on bottom, then Ganondorf, then Saria. ¤
Audience: ¤ Extremely loud laughing, applauding and cat-calling. ¤
Saria: (Dazed expression)
Ganondorf: Ow.
Link: Mmmfmffmffmmmmmff!!
¤ All that can be seen of Link is one of his arms. Saria stands up. ¤
Saria: GANONDORF! Get off of Link! You're killing him!
Ganondorf: What's so bad about that? Oops! Uh, I mean, goddess! How ¤ He winces ¤ TERRIBLE…
¤ Ganondorf gets up and inspects the damage done to Link. He is unconscious, bruised, and battered. ¤
Saria: DEAR GODDESSES! Somebody call 411!
Random Audience Member #1: 411!
RAM #2: 411!
RAM #3: Somebody call 411!
RAM #4: Who has a cell phone?
RAM #5: I do! Shut up so I can call!
¤ Everybody quiets down. RAM #5 Dials 411 and begins speaking to the operator. ¤
RAM #5: Hello, 411? I need the number for emergency medical services…..okay…got it…Thank you!
¤ RAM# 5 Hangs up and dials another number. ¤
RAM #5: Hello, emergency medical services?…Yes, I have an injured game show contestant here and I---
Voice: An injured game show contestant?! Never fear, Random Audience Member! I am here!
All: It's Game Show Man!
¤ Victorious Fanfare. ¤
Game Show Man: Yes, it is I! Game Show Man!
¤ Victorious Fanfare ¤
GSM: Now, where is this poor fellow?
¤ Everybody points to Link. ¤
GSM: Never Fear, mysterious game show contestant! Game Show Man ¤ Victorious Fanfare ¤ will fly you directly to the nearest hospital! Uh, now where would that be?
¤ Everybody except Saria crashes down, anime-style. Saria points next door to a huge building that says "HYRULE GENERAL HOSPITAL" on a huge sign out front. ¤
GSM: Very well then! Come now, unconscious game show guy!
¤ GSM picks Link up and flies away, creating a large hole in the ceiling. ¤
GSM: Up, up, and next door!
¤ Victorious music plays as GSM flies Link to the hospital. ¤
All: ¤ Silence. ¤
¤ Saria regains her composure and takes control of the show once more. She signals to some stagehands who bring out the HCOC Official Contestant Contest Bag and hand it to Ganondorf. ¤
Saria: Well, that's all for today! Ganondorf, you have one week to create a film better than this one. Good luck!
¤ Ganondorf takes the bag as Saria turns to the audience ¤
Saria: Remember, watch out, Hyrule! You might get:
Saria and Audience: CAUGHT ON CAMERA!!!
¤ The audience goes nuts again as Saria and Ganon are escorted offstage by a whole company of Burly Rule-Enforcer Guys, while yet more of them are, once again, breaking up the audience fight. The credits roll as the HCOC theme song plays, and the show ends. ¤
A fanfic by Sheik
Disclaimer: GOTCHA!!! I made you think that I was going back on my word, didn't I? Well, YOU go to chapter one and read your precious little disclaimer. Yeah.
By the way, in this fic, Ganon and Ganondorf are two separate beings. Ganondorf was allowed to leave on probation on the catch that his evil side was left in the Sacred Realm in the form of Ganon.
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤
DAY FIVE: The Ganon Project
¤ As the camera turns on, we see that Link has gathered the three Sacred Stones and the Ocarina of Time and has opened the Door of Time with them. Link is running up to grab the Master Sword. Of course, he is using the camera horribly, but at least this time we can see pretty much what Link sees. ¤
Link: And heeeeeerrrrreeee we go!
¤ Link grabs the hilt of the Master Sword with his free hand and instantly blue light surrounds the Link. The next thing we see is that Link is now in the Chamber of the Sages. He is facing Rauru, who does not seem too happy about this little intrusion. ¤
Rauru: And WHAT was it that you wanted? Room and board for another seven years, is it?
Link: Nah. I just wanted to get into the Sacred Realm.
Rauru: WHAT?!?!?!?!
Link: Yeah. You see, it's for this TV show….
Rauru: TV SHOW?! Then by all means, go ahead! It's about this realm got some attention from the press! Would you like an interview?
Link: Ah, no thanks. This is about what Ganon did to the Sacred Realm, and I think it's best to show it first-hand rather than by word of mouth.
Rauru: I see. Well, go ahead! And if you get a chance, I'd love a spare tape of that!
Link: ¤ Rolls his eyes ¤ Sure, Rauru…
Rauru: Yay!
¤ Rauru opens the door out of the Temple of Light and Link leaves to be greeted by a wasteland of… ¤
Link: CHEEZ-E PUFFS BAGS?!?!?!
¤ Apparently Ganon, during his imprisonment, had a horrible case of the "Munchies". Aside from the lightning-swept sky, the tumbled wasteland of slag, broken rock, and dead brambles, there are stacks and stacks of empty CHEEZ-E PUFFS bags EVERYWHERE. ¤
Link: Man, did this guy ever hear of Recycling?
¤ Link continues on his trek, apparently to find Ganon. The song "Mods de Chocobo" from Final Fantasy VIII (AKA The music that plays when you're riding around on a chocobo) comes on as Link begins running around. Every now and then Link holds the camera out in front of himself so we can see him running around. ¤
Link: ¤ Singing along to the music ¤ Doo doodee doo dee da da doo dee dodadadoodee…
¤ Link continues and suddenly steps on something crunchy. The music stops. Link bends down to investigate. The camera focuses in on… ¤
Link: CHEEZ-E PUFFS! I must be getting close.
Mysterious Voice: LINK!!!
Link: GAACK!
¤ Link brings the camera back up to reveal Ganon: There is cheese stuff all over his face and claws, and there are even CHEEZ-E PUFFS crumbs all over him. ¤
Ganon: Snarlsnarl grrrrr….LINK!!! Snarl grrrrr snarlnarlarl ZELDA?!
Link: EEP!
¤ Link turns tail and runs as Mods de Chocobo starts up again. Link is holding the camera backwards on his shoulder so he can tape Ganon: he is doing surprisingly well at it, too. This scene continues for about two minutes and then the music stops as the camera shuts off. ¤
DAY SIX: The Ganon Project (Continued)
¤ The camera turns on as Link is taping himself: or rather, the bottom half of his face. ¤
Link: I'm so scared!
¤ The camera shuts off. When it turns on, Link is eating some CHEEZ-E PUFFS that he apparently stole from Ganon. ¤
Link: I LOVE CHEEZ-E PUFFS!!!
¤ The camera shuts off. It then turns on again as Link is running around as "Mods de Chocobo" starts up again (A/N: I know! I'm obsessed with that song! Go download it and you'll see why. It sounds like music from one of those really cool Mitsubishi Car ads. You know the one's I'm talking about!). ¤
Link: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……….
¤ Link runs up to the top of a hill and seeing the opportunity in front of him, Link tapes himself. ¤
Link: I'm about to do SlideCam. Good luck!!!
¤ Link turns the camera around and slides down the steep side of the slope. ¤
Link: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! YEAH!!!
¤ Link suddenly realizes that the slope ends right at the brink of the cliff. It is too late, however, and Link goes careening off the side. ¤
Link: Oh no!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
¤ The camera flies from Link's grasp as he goes off the edge and gets a stunning shot of Link's face as he grabs the Longshot out of his belt pack and launches it at the face of the cliff. As it pulls him back up, Link grabs the shoulder strap of the camera just in time. When Link reaches the side of the cliff, the camera shuts off. ¤
DAY SEVEN: The Ganon Project (Continued)
¤ Link has angered Ganon again and is running for his life. He is shooting from the same angle as before, with Cheez-E Ganon showing up on the screen. ¤
Ganon: GIVE ME MY CHEEZ-E PUFFS!!!!
Link: (In a singsong voice) HA HA!!! I beat you! I beat you! There's the exit! There's the exit!
¤ Link turns the camera around to face a fast-closing exit with Rauru cheering Link on. Link throws the camera inside. It turns around so we see a great shot of poor Link running for his survival. Link dives and JUST makes it inside the Temple of Light: and JUST in time to keep Rauru from picking up the camera. We hear a loud scratching and banging on the door from outside. ¤
Ganon (Voice): CHEEZ-E PUFFS!!! CHEEZ-E PUFFS!!!
Rauru: NO! You've had enough for now! I want mine, too!
¤ Rauru puts a spell on the door to keep Ganon from breaking it and then turns to Link. ¤
Rauru: So, did you get what you wanted?
Link: Close enough.
Rauru: Good, good. I suppose you had better be going now: The Stalfie Show is about to come on!
Link: ByeI'llseeyoulatergottagoreturnthecamera!
¤ Link turns tail and runs as Rauru shouts out one last sentiment: ¤
Rauru: DON'T FORGET TO GET ME A TAPE!!!
¤ The camera shuts off. We go now to the live studio audience. Saria is sitting on the couch, accompanied by Link. The fairy, as always, is asleep on the coffee table. ¤
Saria: Well, that was quite the video! How do you feel about it?
Link: EXHAUSTED.
Saria: No, I meant, are you happy with the video?
Link: Sure, I guess.
Saria: Good. Now, get ready to meet our next contestant, right after this commercial break!
¤ The scene fades out and then back in on a beautiful green field. The sky is baby blue and there is a fake-looking rainbow in the background. ¤
Announcer Voice: Hey, kids! It's time for TeleBeamos!
Children's Voices: YAY!!!
¤ Several brightly colored Beamos run by (How do the RUN?! They don't have FEET! It's just one of the many secrets of the game…) with television screens in what are supposed to be their stomachs. They also have those weird antenna things on their heads, only these are shaped like triforces. ¤
TeleBeamos #1: Hewwo, kiddies!
All Beamos: Heeewwwoooo!!!
TeleBeamos #2: My line! You not nice!
TeleBeamos #1: Me no like woo.
¤ ZAP! ¤
TeleBeamos #2: Owieowieowie! Me telling!
¤ TB2 runs off. TB1 had zapped it with its eye laser thing, if you hadn't guessed. ¤
All TeleBeamos: TewweBeamos! The bestest show awound! If woo don't watch it, woo'll be sowwy!
¤ The commercial ends, and we see the studio again. The fairy is flying around the audience selling popcorn and peanuts. Saria is sitting on the sofa, while Link is sitting on a plush red chair that is to the viewer's left of the sofa. ¤
Saria: Well, now that we're back, we can get on with the show!
Audience: Yay!
Saria: He comes from a sand-ridden wasteland, he's the former King of Evil, say hello to Ganondorf Dragmire! Oh, and thanks to "Farty" for helping the author/producer make her decision on the next contestant!
¤ A chorus of "Boo"s and various blunt objects rain down on Ganondorf as he comes onstage wearing his deli outfit. ¤
Random Audience Member: HEY! It's Gandola!
¤ All the "Boo"s change into a chorus of applause and cheering, and the blunt objects are replaced by flowers and (Yet again) T-shirts. ¤
Ganondorf: NO! NOT THE T-SHIRTS!
¤ Ganondorf sits down on the couch next to Saria. However, he is so large and heavy compared to Saria that the whole couch tips over to the viewer's left, spilling its contents onto the unfortunate Hero of Time. Link is on bottom, then Ganondorf, then Saria. ¤
Audience: ¤ Extremely loud laughing, applauding and cat-calling. ¤
Saria: (Dazed expression)
Ganondorf: Ow.
Link: Mmmfmffmffmmmmmff!!
¤ All that can be seen of Link is one of his arms. Saria stands up. ¤
Saria: GANONDORF! Get off of Link! You're killing him!
Ganondorf: What's so bad about that? Oops! Uh, I mean, goddess! How ¤ He winces ¤ TERRIBLE…
¤ Ganondorf gets up and inspects the damage done to Link. He is unconscious, bruised, and battered. ¤
Saria: DEAR GODDESSES! Somebody call 411!
Random Audience Member #1: 411!
RAM #2: 411!
RAM #3: Somebody call 411!
RAM #4: Who has a cell phone?
RAM #5: I do! Shut up so I can call!
¤ Everybody quiets down. RAM #5 Dials 411 and begins speaking to the operator. ¤
RAM #5: Hello, 411? I need the number for emergency medical services…..okay…got it…Thank you!
¤ RAM# 5 Hangs up and dials another number. ¤
RAM #5: Hello, emergency medical services?…Yes, I have an injured game show contestant here and I---
Voice: An injured game show contestant?! Never fear, Random Audience Member! I am here!
All: It's Game Show Man!
¤ Victorious Fanfare. ¤
Game Show Man: Yes, it is I! Game Show Man!
¤ Victorious Fanfare ¤
GSM: Now, where is this poor fellow?
¤ Everybody points to Link. ¤
GSM: Never Fear, mysterious game show contestant! Game Show Man ¤ Victorious Fanfare ¤ will fly you directly to the nearest hospital! Uh, now where would that be?
¤ Everybody except Saria crashes down, anime-style. Saria points next door to a huge building that says "HYRULE GENERAL HOSPITAL" on a huge sign out front. ¤
GSM: Very well then! Come now, unconscious game show guy!
¤ GSM picks Link up and flies away, creating a large hole in the ceiling. ¤
GSM: Up, up, and next door!
¤ Victorious music plays as GSM flies Link to the hospital. ¤
All: ¤ Silence. ¤
¤ Saria regains her composure and takes control of the show once more. She signals to some stagehands who bring out the HCOC Official Contestant Contest Bag and hand it to Ganondorf. ¤
Saria: Well, that's all for today! Ganondorf, you have one week to create a film better than this one. Good luck!
¤ Ganondorf takes the bag as Saria turns to the audience ¤
Saria: Remember, watch out, Hyrule! You might get:
Saria and Audience: CAUGHT ON CAMERA!!!
¤ The audience goes nuts again as Saria and Ganon are escorted offstage by a whole company of Burly Rule-Enforcer Guys, while yet more of them are, once again, breaking up the audience fight. The credits roll as the HCOC theme song plays, and the show ends. ¤