It Could Only Get Worse
Author: Murto ( Ding-dong, another brilliant idea from the people who brought you beer milkshakes)
Author's Notes: Be afraid. Be VERY afraid. That is the advice I would give you if I happened to have the rights to Love Hina. It'd probably be a mixture of Love Hina, Excel Saga and Puni Puni Poemi if I did. NOW you get the picture? I've never actually seen Puni Puni Poemi, but many years of british comedy, plus the refined humour of my grandfather amounts to at least 100 Puni Puni Poemi's.
Murto: .anyway, this is my plan. Whilst everyone else is sitting around goin' "Doop be doo, doop be doop be doo. Doo do dooo. La la laaa."
Myuu: *Gives a stern look and starts to eminate fire* Murto.
Murto: Sorry. Anyway, when everyone is standing around going goin' "Doop be doo, doop be doop be doo. Doo do dooo. La la laaa."
Myuu: *Sigh*
By the way.: This is an attempt at a Pulp Fiction / Reservior Dogs style storyline, but based around the House Warming party. This is also my first FanFiction that I actually planned out in advance, all of my others I just made up on the spot in one sitting. I expect it to go for 3 parts, quite long compared to the last 4 chapters.
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It Could Only Get Worse
Chapter 5: The Sh-sh-saga Beginsh - Part 1
'Light. Lots of light. Brilliant white light. Ooh, a ceiling!' Murto thought as he opened his eyes to greet the morning.
As his muscles got energised again, he looked at his watch. '7am? That has to be a record! I've never slept past 6.30am after drinking. Shit, musta had a good time,' Murto thought as he stood up. 'Stomach, okay. Head, okay. Energy levels, okay-ish. Dignity, okay, I think.'
It was at this stage that Murto realised that he slept on the top 3 or 4 steps between the 2nd and 3rd story staircase, wearing a fez.
'A fez? Where the hell did THIS come from?'
Then, Shinobu walked past giving Murto a funny but utterly tired look. She looked fucked up, her eyes more sunken than the titanic. She shrugged and then walked downstairs.
"Whatever," Murto said to himself, walking to his room to watch Anime.
"KYAAAAAAAAAA!!!!," was what eminated throughout the Hinata a few seconds later.
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"Ok, ok, ok." Keitaro said reassuringly. "Ok, lets go through this logically".
Murto, Shinobu and Talon were all sitting down in the living area downstairs, listening to what Keitaro had to say. Murto still had the fez on his head, playing with the tassle whilst humming the Evangelion theme song. Shinobu was still tired (as we all were), her eyes deep in their sockets. Talon was taking Panadol, packets and all, and washing them down with MegaLitres of water. Naru was clutching the disembodied ear of her Liddo-kun, crying, whilst Kitsune and Mutsume were still asleep. Motoko, Suu and Kanako were nowhere to be seen.
"Lets just get on with it," Talon said, clutching his head. "And don't speak so loudly".
"Seta's Van is in the hot springs; Naru's Liddo-kun is gone, missing an ear too; Murto woke up with a Fez on his head and we are all messed up beyond belief."
"U-U-Urashima-senpai? D-d-don't you think it would be best if we all went through what we remember, and collaberate our stories?" Shinobu said, sucking down a cup of coffee; the life slowly returning to her.
"Ok Murto, you go first." Talon whispered.
"Why me?" Murto said.
"Because if you don't I'll blame YOU for Liddo-kun," Naru said, cracking her knuckles.
"Ok, ok."
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/\/\/\Murto's Version, Timeframe 1/\/\/\
"Dinner's ready!" called Shinobu from the kitchen. Everyone bolted downstairs as quick as if they had won the lotto.
Everyone was there, seated at the table in the dining room. Naru, Kitsune, Keitaro and Motoko were sat on one side, already helping themselves to a large roast chook. Talon, Mutsume, Suu, Haruka and a couple of spare seats were on the other.
"Mmm, it's really good Shinobu!" Keitaro said as I looked around the room. Everybody else had already started gorging themselves.
"Yeah, it looks great Shinobu," I said as I sat down. "You cook the most amazing food ever!".
"Arigato, Murto-senpai," she replied.
"It needs to be spicier," said Suu. "And it needs more bananas".
"Murto," was all that Motoko said, giving me the biggest daggers I'd ever seen whilst clutching the hilt of her Katana.
"Ok, ok. I get the message," I said, throwing my arms up in self-defense. "By the way Motoko, how did you get your sword back?"
"I threatened Kitsune." Motoko replied, releasing her hand from the sword and pouring gravy over her roast.
"Yeah, I mean how rude is that; saying you'll cut off my sake supply if I don't give it back," Kitsune complained whilst stuffing her face full of baked spuds. "You know sake is my life-blood, I almost sobered up for a moment there."
"Kitsune, you're such an Alco," Talon said, popping the top off his first stubbie. "Kampai!"
"Kampai!" every else chimed in, raising their glasses of beer, sake and Mountain Dew: Code Red.
After everyone finished eating and after Suu stopped throwing peas at Talon, Keitaro got up to help do the dishes. He bumped into Kitsune as she was laying out the bottles of grog on the table. The entire lot fell over; spilling rum, sake and beer all over the table. Kitsune started crying, possibly having withdrawal symptoms already.
"YOU IDIOT!!!" Naru yelled. "I was looking forward to that sake!"
"Bloody hell Keitaro! There goes my rum!" Talon said, igniting his lightsaber.
"Ara, lets go get some more." Mutsume said, smiling as usual.
"Ok, I'll go too. Aunt Haruka, do you have any money?" Keitaro asked.
"Just call me Haruka," she said, smacking him around the head. "I guess I'll have to come along, I'll pay with my credit card."
"Ooh! Can I play too?" Suu asked, dancing in circles around the group.
"Sure, why not." Keitaro said.
"Ara, if 2's company and 3's a crowd, is 4 a mosh pit?" Mutsume asked dumbly.
"Lets just go already," Haruka said, sweatdropping.
Haruka, Keitaro, Mutsume and Suu left.
"I'm going to watch some TV." Motoko announced, grabbing a carton of Moutain Dew: Code Red.
"Senpai, can I watch too?" Shinobu asked, holding the Excel Saga boxed set of DVD's in her hand.
"Why, Shinobu. I woulda never have guessed that you were an Excel Saga fan." Kitsune said, lapping up the sake that had formed some little puddles on the table.
Shinobu just blushed, and walked out with Motoko. I just thought 'Well bugger me' and got up to do some power drinking.
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"But sheriously, there's nothing quicker than a quick fit fitter." I said, taking another shot of vodka.
"Murto, are you saying you suffer from epilepsy?" Kitsune asked, pouring some vodka for herself.
"Nah, I've just been watching Aussie Tv. It's an ad for a tyre company."
"By the way Murto, it was awfully nice of you to share your vodka with us." Naru said, making a screwdriver.
"Meh, it's just my private stash. Besides, I couldn't be bothered waiting until the other 4 get back."
Then there was a knock, knock, knocking on my chamber door.
"Who thou goest there?" Talon said, lamenting over poor Lenore.
"Hi," Seta said, blood streaming down his head. "I heard you guys are having a party here?"
"Yeah, sort of." Said Naru, her face slightly flushed from the alcohol or Seta. Probably a bit of both I thought.
"Is Ms Haruka around?"
Then a rock smacked him in the back of the head.
"Just call me Haruka" was heard, way off in the distance.
"No, she's gone to get some more drink." Talon said pulling out his mobile, texting a person or persons unknown.
"Ok, hey! What are they watching in there?" Seta said, walking across the room and peeking into the lounge room.
"Excel Saga I think. Watch out though, there is ALOT of Mountain Dew: Code Red and Jolt Cola in there." Kitsune warned, her liver of steel not yet feeling the affects of the vodka. Then Motoko and Shinobu could be heard yelling 'Honey, Noodles, Na hana ha' at the top of their lungs.
"Shit! Looks like they're up to episode 21 already!" I commented as I began to feel the lovely warmth that anti-freeze, I mean vodka gives one.
"Wow! Ok, see you guys later." Seta said as he disappeared into the room amid crys of 'Hail Il Pallatzo!'.
I grabbed the bottle and poured myself a vodka and blue pepsi. Kitsune held out her glass and I filled it up. Naru grabbed the bottle and finished it off.
"Hey watch it Naru, that's half a bottle of straight vodka!" Talon said, slowly edging away.
"Heh heh heh. Don't worry Talon," I said. "The night is still young.
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/\/\/\Back to the living room the next morning/\/\/\
"Are you sure that's what happened?" Keitaro said after getting off the phone with the local 'Alcodol' supplier. (Alcodol is a hangover preventative drug)
"Yeah, we talked for a bit more after that. We couldn't drink anything else until you guys came back from the bottler," Murto explained. "And Motoko, Shinobu and Seta were getting smashed on caffiene and Excel Saga next in the lounge room."
"Hai, Murto-senpai is right," Shinobu agreed.
"What happened after that part of the evening?" Keitaro asked.
"When you guys came back, everyone moved around. Naru and Kitsune left for the hot springs and I remember a lot of other stuff was going on all over the place." Murto said, trying his hardest to remember. "You and Mutsume came and hung with us for a bit, and you guys were already pretty wasted. Talon will verify that, he was almost sober until that stage."
"Yeah, the cockroach finished the vodka. I didn't see a drop." Talon remarked.
"Who cares!" Naru yelled as she gave him a half-arsed Naru-Punch.
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/\/\/\Murto's Version, Timeframe 2/\/\/\
"40seconds!!Aww,Iwantitnow!!" Motoko yelled as she ran around without her Gi on, though she was taped up as usual. Shinobu was hot on her heels yelling "Motoko-senpai,comebackandputonyourGi.You'llcatchacold!". Then they both disappeared up the stairs yelling "Aah! Watch out for the rabid monkey butler!".
'Whatever,' I thought as I emptied the bottle of vodka into a hole I'd made in the watermelon.
"Ara, Murto-kun. Are you sure this is okay?" Mutsume asked, partially upset at the thought of ruining one of her watermelons.
"This makesh them alcoholic, and very juishy." Talon said, holding the cleaver.
"DUDE!! Don't use that! Your too drunk, gimme your lightshaber!" I said.
After a short thumb wrestle, I gave up and went to reload my foam-dome. By the time we'd finished however it was already cut and Mutsume was already digging in.
"Hey, using force powers to cut watermelons is cheating!" I argued.
"I didn't, honestly." Talon replied.
"Ara, thish ish goooooooooo.d," Mutsume said, almost instantly smashed from the strength of the uber-melon. "TALLY-KUN!!!"
Mutsume jumped and landed on top of Talon, and it appeared that she was absolutely gone. I began to think that the uber-melon was a bad idea; Keitaro had disappeared behind the lounge suite and the Mutsume was now paralytic on top of Talon. She hadn't passed out yet, she was mumbling to herself in Turtle-speak.
"Myuu, myu, myu, myu!" she said, her eyes not focusing.
Painful groaning was heard coming from 2 directions; the direction of Talon who was feeling sick after Mutsume and alcohol, and that of the lounge which sounded like Keitaro.
'Honestly' I thought, 'Mutsume and Keitaro already fucking para, and Talon's not much better.'
"HEY!!!KANAKO!!!STOPTALKINGTOSUU!!!COMEHEREANDBE MY BITCHFORACHANGE!!!" Motoko yelled from upstairs.
"MOTOKO-SENPAI!!!PUTYOURCLOTHESBACKON!!!" Shinobu yelled as loud thumps could be heard from the floor above.
"Oh well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" Murto said, taking a triple dose of Vodka and Red Bull and began chasing flying goldfish around the coffee table.
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/\/\/\Back to the present/\/\/\
"Murto, is it just me or ARE YOU FUCKED IN THE HEAD?" Talon said, brandishing his weretiger claws.
"Talon! If you kill him we may never know who or what fucked up Seta's van and my Liddo-kun." Naru said, drawing her right arm backwards.
"G-g-get on with it, Murto-senpai." Shinobu said, still in disbelief in her apparent state the previous night.
"Yes! Get on with it before she spanks the weretiger!" Talon pleaded.
"Why, you PERVERT!!!" Naru screamed, indeed spanking the weretiger through the wall out into a patch of bindii on the front lawn.
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/\/\/\Murto's Version, Timeframe 3/\/\/\
'Hmm, that's strange,' I thought as I looked at my watch. "Isn't it amazing that vodka and Red Bull can make 2 or 3 hours just vanish?'.
I sat up, not quite as drunk or caffinated as before. My muscles had given up in the laundry. Why I thought flying goldfish would be hiding in the laundry completely evades me, but I got up and returned to the living room to see what was happening.
Kitsune and Shinobu were at the table. Kitsune was rather drunk and was trying to get Shinobu in a similar state. Talon's agonising screams could be heard off in the distance with Naru's 'GET BACK HERE' in more or less the same direction. Motoko, Mutsune and Keitaro were nowhere to be seen.
"Here Shinobu, try this." Kitsune said, holding up a bright green bubbling alcohol.
Hang on, bright green bubbling alcohol?
"HEY! That's my drink I invented! I call it "The Hulk"." I complained.
"Hey, it's just beer and blue pepsi," Kitsune grinned devilishly. "Besides, it's gone public".
I looked around to see dozens of glasses laden with the telltale green crusty dregs of my drink. 'Oh well, good secrets are best shared around I suppose' I thought.
"Murto, where's Silver and David? They said they were coming didn't they?" Kitsune asked, mixing up a few more litres of the good stuff.
"Silver is off drinking with Haitani and Shirai apparently and honestly I wouldn't be surprised if David is playing Final Fantasy 7 in his room." I replied, loading the vodka into an intravenous drip.
"Mmm,GoOdGoOdGoOd!VeRyGoOd," Shinobu said, trying to get as much of the green stuff in her gob as possible.
"Maybe giving her alcohol AND large amounts of caffiene at such a young age isn't a good idea?" I suggested to Kitsune.
"MMMMUUUURRRRTTTOOO-KUUUNN!!!!" Shinobu squeeked as she gave me a roundhouse kick before smacking me to the ground, my bones leaving something to be desired as they made a destinctive crunch.
"Dammit Kitsune!! Give me a beer before my nerves start sending my brain those annoying 'Pain' messages!"
"Comin' right up!" she said, chucking me a beer.
"COME BACK HERE YOU PERVERTED, HORNY-GOAT-WEED-INFESTED TIGER!!" Naru yelled as she chased Talon out to the hot springs.
'What the fuck?' I thought, getting up and stumbling over towards the hot springs.
"MURTY, MURTY, MURTYYYYYYY!!!!!" Shinobu said clinging to my leg something chronic, very drunk and very Mountain Dewed.
" 'nobu-chan, can I have my leg back? I'm too drunk, it's hard enough to walk already!" I said, kicking my leg trying to shake her loose. It was all in vane however, 'cuz she wasn't letting go.
I just sighed and continued over to the 'springs with Shinobu hanging on to my leg squealing something about the attack of the rolling-pin people. The scene I saw before me when I got there wasn't very original; Naru was chasing Talon around the hot springs in circles, around and around and around and around and around (I'm sure you get the picture). Motoko and Kanako were goin' at it like jackrabbits in the middle of the 'spring, and Mutsume and Keitaro could be seen climbing tree's with shovels. Being drunk, and also because I had nothing better to do, I started chasing Naru. I don't know why.
Author: Probably because you have a soft spot for nearly all the girls in the series?
"Yeah, I'll drink to that!"
Shinobu, now shaken free was chasing me yelling 'MuRtO-kUn!' and talking really fast. Kitsune wasn't far behind her, holding various bottles yelling 'Hey! What about the drinking competition?'. The chase didn't make sense to anyone, but it was obvious that running around in circles wasn't getting anyone anywhere. Talon force-jumped up to the 2nd story window, Naru cursing and heading for the stairs.
I followed suit, as did Shinobu and Kitsune.
"Come back you cheating bastard!!" Naru yelled, grabbing a deck of playing cards. She threw them one at a time, really quickly, turning her into a machine gun. Each card lodged into the wall Indiana Jones style (you know, with those pygmy dudes with the spears?)
Shinobu was ecstatic, she somehow acquired the ability to run on the ceiling. 'Probably the green stuff' I though, narrowly evading her desperate grasps for 'Murty-kun'.
"Stop right there Shinobu!" Kitsune yelled, as everything went black.
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/\/\/\Back to the Present, again/\/\/\
".and that's all I have to say about that." Murto finished.
"THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING!!" Naru screamed hysterically as she tried to insert the refridgerator in him.
"Hmm, it seems that Shinobu is right. In order for the whole thing to make sense we'll have to hear someone else's story." Keitaro said, looking for the refridgerator cream in the first aid kit.
"Ok, so who's next?" Talon asked, looking around the lounge room.
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Notes: See last chapter. I couldn't be bothered, so just email me. Notice how I have put stuff in brackets occaisionally, but they are just for baka's.
Alrighty then, we have yet another chapter! It'll be another 2 parts after this one for the story to be rounded off, probably of comparible length. I have already decided who's next. Soo; Kanako is Motoko's bitch for a change? Rabid monkey butlers? Honey, noodles, na hana ha? Will Seta's now submarinal van, the disembodied Liddo-kun and Murto's fez EVER be explained?
Coming soon (Between chrissie and new years probably)!!! It Could Only Get Worse - Chapter 6: The Sh-sh-saga Continuesh (Part 2)
Myuu: *Sigh and sweatdrop* You should really stop watching the Simpsons
Murto: I haven't watched it in months.
Myuu: *Mega-sweatdrop* You really haven't been the same since starting Music at uni you know that?
Murto: I'm not crazy, everyone else is just too normal.
Myuu: *Picks up phone and dials* Hello? Is this Baille Henderson?
PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF MY NEW CHAPTERS ARE ANY GOOD!!!
Author: Murto ( Ding-dong, another brilliant idea from the people who brought you beer milkshakes)
Author's Notes: Be afraid. Be VERY afraid. That is the advice I would give you if I happened to have the rights to Love Hina. It'd probably be a mixture of Love Hina, Excel Saga and Puni Puni Poemi if I did. NOW you get the picture? I've never actually seen Puni Puni Poemi, but many years of british comedy, plus the refined humour of my grandfather amounts to at least 100 Puni Puni Poemi's.
Murto: .anyway, this is my plan. Whilst everyone else is sitting around goin' "Doop be doo, doop be doop be doo. Doo do dooo. La la laaa."
Myuu: *Gives a stern look and starts to eminate fire* Murto.
Murto: Sorry. Anyway, when everyone is standing around going goin' "Doop be doo, doop be doop be doo. Doo do dooo. La la laaa."
Myuu: *Sigh*
By the way.: This is an attempt at a Pulp Fiction / Reservior Dogs style storyline, but based around the House Warming party. This is also my first FanFiction that I actually planned out in advance, all of my others I just made up on the spot in one sitting. I expect it to go for 3 parts, quite long compared to the last 4 chapters.
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It Could Only Get Worse
Chapter 5: The Sh-sh-saga Beginsh - Part 1
'Light. Lots of light. Brilliant white light. Ooh, a ceiling!' Murto thought as he opened his eyes to greet the morning.
As his muscles got energised again, he looked at his watch. '7am? That has to be a record! I've never slept past 6.30am after drinking. Shit, musta had a good time,' Murto thought as he stood up. 'Stomach, okay. Head, okay. Energy levels, okay-ish. Dignity, okay, I think.'
It was at this stage that Murto realised that he slept on the top 3 or 4 steps between the 2nd and 3rd story staircase, wearing a fez.
'A fez? Where the hell did THIS come from?'
Then, Shinobu walked past giving Murto a funny but utterly tired look. She looked fucked up, her eyes more sunken than the titanic. She shrugged and then walked downstairs.
"Whatever," Murto said to himself, walking to his room to watch Anime.
"KYAAAAAAAAAA!!!!," was what eminated throughout the Hinata a few seconds later.
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"Ok, ok, ok." Keitaro said reassuringly. "Ok, lets go through this logically".
Murto, Shinobu and Talon were all sitting down in the living area downstairs, listening to what Keitaro had to say. Murto still had the fez on his head, playing with the tassle whilst humming the Evangelion theme song. Shinobu was still tired (as we all were), her eyes deep in their sockets. Talon was taking Panadol, packets and all, and washing them down with MegaLitres of water. Naru was clutching the disembodied ear of her Liddo-kun, crying, whilst Kitsune and Mutsume were still asleep. Motoko, Suu and Kanako were nowhere to be seen.
"Lets just get on with it," Talon said, clutching his head. "And don't speak so loudly".
"Seta's Van is in the hot springs; Naru's Liddo-kun is gone, missing an ear too; Murto woke up with a Fez on his head and we are all messed up beyond belief."
"U-U-Urashima-senpai? D-d-don't you think it would be best if we all went through what we remember, and collaberate our stories?" Shinobu said, sucking down a cup of coffee; the life slowly returning to her.
"Ok Murto, you go first." Talon whispered.
"Why me?" Murto said.
"Because if you don't I'll blame YOU for Liddo-kun," Naru said, cracking her knuckles.
"Ok, ok."
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/\/\/\Murto's Version, Timeframe 1/\/\/\
"Dinner's ready!" called Shinobu from the kitchen. Everyone bolted downstairs as quick as if they had won the lotto.
Everyone was there, seated at the table in the dining room. Naru, Kitsune, Keitaro and Motoko were sat on one side, already helping themselves to a large roast chook. Talon, Mutsume, Suu, Haruka and a couple of spare seats were on the other.
"Mmm, it's really good Shinobu!" Keitaro said as I looked around the room. Everybody else had already started gorging themselves.
"Yeah, it looks great Shinobu," I said as I sat down. "You cook the most amazing food ever!".
"Arigato, Murto-senpai," she replied.
"It needs to be spicier," said Suu. "And it needs more bananas".
"Murto," was all that Motoko said, giving me the biggest daggers I'd ever seen whilst clutching the hilt of her Katana.
"Ok, ok. I get the message," I said, throwing my arms up in self-defense. "By the way Motoko, how did you get your sword back?"
"I threatened Kitsune." Motoko replied, releasing her hand from the sword and pouring gravy over her roast.
"Yeah, I mean how rude is that; saying you'll cut off my sake supply if I don't give it back," Kitsune complained whilst stuffing her face full of baked spuds. "You know sake is my life-blood, I almost sobered up for a moment there."
"Kitsune, you're such an Alco," Talon said, popping the top off his first stubbie. "Kampai!"
"Kampai!" every else chimed in, raising their glasses of beer, sake and Mountain Dew: Code Red.
After everyone finished eating and after Suu stopped throwing peas at Talon, Keitaro got up to help do the dishes. He bumped into Kitsune as she was laying out the bottles of grog on the table. The entire lot fell over; spilling rum, sake and beer all over the table. Kitsune started crying, possibly having withdrawal symptoms already.
"YOU IDIOT!!!" Naru yelled. "I was looking forward to that sake!"
"Bloody hell Keitaro! There goes my rum!" Talon said, igniting his lightsaber.
"Ara, lets go get some more." Mutsume said, smiling as usual.
"Ok, I'll go too. Aunt Haruka, do you have any money?" Keitaro asked.
"Just call me Haruka," she said, smacking him around the head. "I guess I'll have to come along, I'll pay with my credit card."
"Ooh! Can I play too?" Suu asked, dancing in circles around the group.
"Sure, why not." Keitaro said.
"Ara, if 2's company and 3's a crowd, is 4 a mosh pit?" Mutsume asked dumbly.
"Lets just go already," Haruka said, sweatdropping.
Haruka, Keitaro, Mutsume and Suu left.
"I'm going to watch some TV." Motoko announced, grabbing a carton of Moutain Dew: Code Red.
"Senpai, can I watch too?" Shinobu asked, holding the Excel Saga boxed set of DVD's in her hand.
"Why, Shinobu. I woulda never have guessed that you were an Excel Saga fan." Kitsune said, lapping up the sake that had formed some little puddles on the table.
Shinobu just blushed, and walked out with Motoko. I just thought 'Well bugger me' and got up to do some power drinking.
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"But sheriously, there's nothing quicker than a quick fit fitter." I said, taking another shot of vodka.
"Murto, are you saying you suffer from epilepsy?" Kitsune asked, pouring some vodka for herself.
"Nah, I've just been watching Aussie Tv. It's an ad for a tyre company."
"By the way Murto, it was awfully nice of you to share your vodka with us." Naru said, making a screwdriver.
"Meh, it's just my private stash. Besides, I couldn't be bothered waiting until the other 4 get back."
Then there was a knock, knock, knocking on my chamber door.
"Who thou goest there?" Talon said, lamenting over poor Lenore.
"Hi," Seta said, blood streaming down his head. "I heard you guys are having a party here?"
"Yeah, sort of." Said Naru, her face slightly flushed from the alcohol or Seta. Probably a bit of both I thought.
"Is Ms Haruka around?"
Then a rock smacked him in the back of the head.
"Just call me Haruka" was heard, way off in the distance.
"No, she's gone to get some more drink." Talon said pulling out his mobile, texting a person or persons unknown.
"Ok, hey! What are they watching in there?" Seta said, walking across the room and peeking into the lounge room.
"Excel Saga I think. Watch out though, there is ALOT of Mountain Dew: Code Red and Jolt Cola in there." Kitsune warned, her liver of steel not yet feeling the affects of the vodka. Then Motoko and Shinobu could be heard yelling 'Honey, Noodles, Na hana ha' at the top of their lungs.
"Shit! Looks like they're up to episode 21 already!" I commented as I began to feel the lovely warmth that anti-freeze, I mean vodka gives one.
"Wow! Ok, see you guys later." Seta said as he disappeared into the room amid crys of 'Hail Il Pallatzo!'.
I grabbed the bottle and poured myself a vodka and blue pepsi. Kitsune held out her glass and I filled it up. Naru grabbed the bottle and finished it off.
"Hey watch it Naru, that's half a bottle of straight vodka!" Talon said, slowly edging away.
"Heh heh heh. Don't worry Talon," I said. "The night is still young.
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/\/\/\Back to the living room the next morning/\/\/\
"Are you sure that's what happened?" Keitaro said after getting off the phone with the local 'Alcodol' supplier. (Alcodol is a hangover preventative drug)
"Yeah, we talked for a bit more after that. We couldn't drink anything else until you guys came back from the bottler," Murto explained. "And Motoko, Shinobu and Seta were getting smashed on caffiene and Excel Saga next in the lounge room."
"Hai, Murto-senpai is right," Shinobu agreed.
"What happened after that part of the evening?" Keitaro asked.
"When you guys came back, everyone moved around. Naru and Kitsune left for the hot springs and I remember a lot of other stuff was going on all over the place." Murto said, trying his hardest to remember. "You and Mutsume came and hung with us for a bit, and you guys were already pretty wasted. Talon will verify that, he was almost sober until that stage."
"Yeah, the cockroach finished the vodka. I didn't see a drop." Talon remarked.
"Who cares!" Naru yelled as she gave him a half-arsed Naru-Punch.
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/\/\/\Murto's Version, Timeframe 2/\/\/\
"40seconds!!Aww,Iwantitnow!!" Motoko yelled as she ran around without her Gi on, though she was taped up as usual. Shinobu was hot on her heels yelling "Motoko-senpai,comebackandputonyourGi.You'llcatchacold!". Then they both disappeared up the stairs yelling "Aah! Watch out for the rabid monkey butler!".
'Whatever,' I thought as I emptied the bottle of vodka into a hole I'd made in the watermelon.
"Ara, Murto-kun. Are you sure this is okay?" Mutsume asked, partially upset at the thought of ruining one of her watermelons.
"This makesh them alcoholic, and very juishy." Talon said, holding the cleaver.
"DUDE!! Don't use that! Your too drunk, gimme your lightshaber!" I said.
After a short thumb wrestle, I gave up and went to reload my foam-dome. By the time we'd finished however it was already cut and Mutsume was already digging in.
"Hey, using force powers to cut watermelons is cheating!" I argued.
"I didn't, honestly." Talon replied.
"Ara, thish ish goooooooooo.d," Mutsume said, almost instantly smashed from the strength of the uber-melon. "TALLY-KUN!!!"
Mutsume jumped and landed on top of Talon, and it appeared that she was absolutely gone. I began to think that the uber-melon was a bad idea; Keitaro had disappeared behind the lounge suite and the Mutsume was now paralytic on top of Talon. She hadn't passed out yet, she was mumbling to herself in Turtle-speak.
"Myuu, myu, myu, myu!" she said, her eyes not focusing.
Painful groaning was heard coming from 2 directions; the direction of Talon who was feeling sick after Mutsume and alcohol, and that of the lounge which sounded like Keitaro.
'Honestly' I thought, 'Mutsume and Keitaro already fucking para, and Talon's not much better.'
"HEY!!!KANAKO!!!STOPTALKINGTOSUU!!!COMEHEREANDBE MY BITCHFORACHANGE!!!" Motoko yelled from upstairs.
"MOTOKO-SENPAI!!!PUTYOURCLOTHESBACKON!!!" Shinobu yelled as loud thumps could be heard from the floor above.
"Oh well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" Murto said, taking a triple dose of Vodka and Red Bull and began chasing flying goldfish around the coffee table.
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/\/\/\Back to the present/\/\/\
"Murto, is it just me or ARE YOU FUCKED IN THE HEAD?" Talon said, brandishing his weretiger claws.
"Talon! If you kill him we may never know who or what fucked up Seta's van and my Liddo-kun." Naru said, drawing her right arm backwards.
"G-g-get on with it, Murto-senpai." Shinobu said, still in disbelief in her apparent state the previous night.
"Yes! Get on with it before she spanks the weretiger!" Talon pleaded.
"Why, you PERVERT!!!" Naru screamed, indeed spanking the weretiger through the wall out into a patch of bindii on the front lawn.
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/\/\/\Murto's Version, Timeframe 3/\/\/\
'Hmm, that's strange,' I thought as I looked at my watch. "Isn't it amazing that vodka and Red Bull can make 2 or 3 hours just vanish?'.
I sat up, not quite as drunk or caffinated as before. My muscles had given up in the laundry. Why I thought flying goldfish would be hiding in the laundry completely evades me, but I got up and returned to the living room to see what was happening.
Kitsune and Shinobu were at the table. Kitsune was rather drunk and was trying to get Shinobu in a similar state. Talon's agonising screams could be heard off in the distance with Naru's 'GET BACK HERE' in more or less the same direction. Motoko, Mutsune and Keitaro were nowhere to be seen.
"Here Shinobu, try this." Kitsune said, holding up a bright green bubbling alcohol.
Hang on, bright green bubbling alcohol?
"HEY! That's my drink I invented! I call it "The Hulk"." I complained.
"Hey, it's just beer and blue pepsi," Kitsune grinned devilishly. "Besides, it's gone public".
I looked around to see dozens of glasses laden with the telltale green crusty dregs of my drink. 'Oh well, good secrets are best shared around I suppose' I thought.
"Murto, where's Silver and David? They said they were coming didn't they?" Kitsune asked, mixing up a few more litres of the good stuff.
"Silver is off drinking with Haitani and Shirai apparently and honestly I wouldn't be surprised if David is playing Final Fantasy 7 in his room." I replied, loading the vodka into an intravenous drip.
"Mmm,GoOdGoOdGoOd!VeRyGoOd," Shinobu said, trying to get as much of the green stuff in her gob as possible.
"Maybe giving her alcohol AND large amounts of caffiene at such a young age isn't a good idea?" I suggested to Kitsune.
"MMMMUUUURRRRTTTOOO-KUUUNN!!!!" Shinobu squeeked as she gave me a roundhouse kick before smacking me to the ground, my bones leaving something to be desired as they made a destinctive crunch.
"Dammit Kitsune!! Give me a beer before my nerves start sending my brain those annoying 'Pain' messages!"
"Comin' right up!" she said, chucking me a beer.
"COME BACK HERE YOU PERVERTED, HORNY-GOAT-WEED-INFESTED TIGER!!" Naru yelled as she chased Talon out to the hot springs.
'What the fuck?' I thought, getting up and stumbling over towards the hot springs.
"MURTY, MURTY, MURTYYYYYYY!!!!!" Shinobu said clinging to my leg something chronic, very drunk and very Mountain Dewed.
" 'nobu-chan, can I have my leg back? I'm too drunk, it's hard enough to walk already!" I said, kicking my leg trying to shake her loose. It was all in vane however, 'cuz she wasn't letting go.
I just sighed and continued over to the 'springs with Shinobu hanging on to my leg squealing something about the attack of the rolling-pin people. The scene I saw before me when I got there wasn't very original; Naru was chasing Talon around the hot springs in circles, around and around and around and around and around (I'm sure you get the picture). Motoko and Kanako were goin' at it like jackrabbits in the middle of the 'spring, and Mutsume and Keitaro could be seen climbing tree's with shovels. Being drunk, and also because I had nothing better to do, I started chasing Naru. I don't know why.
Author: Probably because you have a soft spot for nearly all the girls in the series?
"Yeah, I'll drink to that!"
Shinobu, now shaken free was chasing me yelling 'MuRtO-kUn!' and talking really fast. Kitsune wasn't far behind her, holding various bottles yelling 'Hey! What about the drinking competition?'. The chase didn't make sense to anyone, but it was obvious that running around in circles wasn't getting anyone anywhere. Talon force-jumped up to the 2nd story window, Naru cursing and heading for the stairs.
I followed suit, as did Shinobu and Kitsune.
"Come back you cheating bastard!!" Naru yelled, grabbing a deck of playing cards. She threw them one at a time, really quickly, turning her into a machine gun. Each card lodged into the wall Indiana Jones style (you know, with those pygmy dudes with the spears?)
Shinobu was ecstatic, she somehow acquired the ability to run on the ceiling. 'Probably the green stuff' I though, narrowly evading her desperate grasps for 'Murty-kun'.
"Stop right there Shinobu!" Kitsune yelled, as everything went black.
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/\/\/\Back to the Present, again/\/\/\
".and that's all I have to say about that." Murto finished.
"THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING!!" Naru screamed hysterically as she tried to insert the refridgerator in him.
"Hmm, it seems that Shinobu is right. In order for the whole thing to make sense we'll have to hear someone else's story." Keitaro said, looking for the refridgerator cream in the first aid kit.
"Ok, so who's next?" Talon asked, looking around the lounge room.
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Notes: See last chapter. I couldn't be bothered, so just email me. Notice how I have put stuff in brackets occaisionally, but they are just for baka's.
Alrighty then, we have yet another chapter! It'll be another 2 parts after this one for the story to be rounded off, probably of comparible length. I have already decided who's next. Soo; Kanako is Motoko's bitch for a change? Rabid monkey butlers? Honey, noodles, na hana ha? Will Seta's now submarinal van, the disembodied Liddo-kun and Murto's fez EVER be explained?
Coming soon (Between chrissie and new years probably)!!! It Could Only Get Worse - Chapter 6: The Sh-sh-saga Continuesh (Part 2)
Myuu: *Sigh and sweatdrop* You should really stop watching the Simpsons
Murto: I haven't watched it in months.
Myuu: *Mega-sweatdrop* You really haven't been the same since starting Music at uni you know that?
Murto: I'm not crazy, everyone else is just too normal.
Myuu: *Picks up phone and dials* Hello? Is this Baille Henderson?
PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF MY NEW CHAPTERS ARE ANY GOOD!!!