Note: Much of this scene comes from the "Tabula Rasa" transcript. The spell that didn't occur in the episode is in Akkadian, and translates, "Bones, bones, rise up!" Also, the Russian swearwords that Giles uses in this chapter and the next one are bad. Really bad. Don't use them on anyone who actually speaks Russian. (Or be prepared for a lengthy hospital stay if you do...)

Part Six

One night after all the others had left, Anya turned to Rupert with a determined expression. "It's been over a week since we woke up, and we're no further along than we were to begin with."

"That's not true at all," Rupert objected. "We have learned a great deal about the supernatural."

"That's just stuff for Buffy," Anya said with a nasty edge to her voice. "I'm tired of doing research for Buffy when it isn't helping us at all. Not everything is about the Slayer, you know." Rupert started to protest, but Anya overrode him with an artificial brightness. "So I've decided to stop doing things your way, and just use my powers as a magic shop owner. I don't see why we need the others anyway." She grabbed a book from the shelf and brought it over to him with a smile. "This is the book for us."

Rupert took the book curiously. It wasn't one that they had opened before. "Does it focus on mind control, or, or memory loss?"

"Not exactly," she admitted, without a hint of self-consciousness. "I just, um... my intuition tells me this is the book. And I figure being a magic shop owner and a natural at the supernatural, I should trust my intuition."

Didn't she understand how dangerous it could be to play with magic willy-nilly? He might not know what the exact consequences were, but he was entirely sure that they were dire. Still, some instinct told him that lecturing Anya would do more harm than good. Instead, he caressed her face and gentled his voice. "Y-yes, fine, but as you recall, I too am a magic shop owner."

Anya once again proved that the tactful approach was not always the best one to take with her as she gave him a bright smile and said, "True. But, as I mentioned before, my intuition says that you're not so much the magic guy and more of a paperwork type." Rupert started to object, but Anya didn't give him an opportunity to do so. She opened the book, apparently at random, and said, "Okay, here we go."

Rupert was alarmed by Anya's reckless attitude, and started to object. "But you don't even know—"

Anya's chanting cut him off. "Bara bara himble gemination." To Rupert's surprise, a white bunny suddenly appeared on the table. He was even more surprised when his fiancée shrieked in terror and grabbed hold of him. Before he could say anything, however, Anya repeated the spell... and this time five bunnies popped up out of the ether.

"Anya," Rupert said carefully, "did you have any particular reason for repeating that same spell?"

"Of course," she answered nervously. "It's clear that I simply didn't pronounce the words correctly. Let me try again. "BA-ra BA-ra him-BLE gem-in-A-tion!"

Anya was correct; pronunciation did matter. Now, rather than six rabbits, there were at least sixty of them. They were on the counter, on the floor, on the shelves, and, worst of all, the blasted rodents were crawling all over his books on the table. Rupert counted to ten, slowly, and then suggested, "Perhaps we should try another book."

"No," Anya insisted resolutely. "This book made the little fluffers, and this book's gonna send 'em back. I've got it this time, okay." Anya studied her book and mumbled, "Himble abri, abri voyon."

He was grateful when only one bunny appeared this time, so he contented himself with a simple, "Yes, dear." He soon wondered whether he shouldn't have used stronger language, however, for Anya began saying the same spell over and over again, using different intonations and pitch each time. Within minutes, the store was overflowing with rabbits, and Anya was standing on the table, clearly on the edge of panic. When her latest spell created a green cloud that hovered near the ceiling, he felt compelled to speak up again. "Clearly that is not a helpful book, darling. Come down, and we will go about fixing this in a sensible fashion!"

Instead of admiring his restraint, Anya was outraged. "Sensible! You think it's sensible for me to go down into that pit of cotton-top hell, and let them hippity-hop all over my vulnerable flesh?"

Rupert had had enough. "Fine, then just stay up there and keep making bunnies!"

"You think that's all I can do," she asked angrily. "Well, I'll show you! Try this one on for size, smarty-pants! "Esemtu esemtu tebi!"

Anya did show him. She showed him that she was capable of creating a skeleton and bringing it to life. Any hopes that Rupert may have had that the skeleton intended to sing and dance were soon shattered when the creature made a dive for his neck. "Christ," he yelped as he rolled over the table to get away from the animated bones. He ran into the back room to grab a sword, and the creature followed him. Soon they both had weapons in their hands and were clanging them together. Rupert had to yell in order to be heard over all the chaos. "Get a different book! Put that book down, do you hear?" He ducked to avoid a particularly vicious sword thrust, and then turned back towards Anya. Speaking as emphatically as he could, Rupert slowly said, "Not ... that... book!"

Anya finally listened to him, but remained stubbornly convinced that she alone could fix matters. She grabbed another book, opened it at random, and screamed aloud the first spell she found. A giant creature, a cross between a hyena and a rhinoceros, suddenly appeared in the middle of the store. Rupert ran from his opponent, grabbed Anya's hand, and dived behind the counter. The terrifying creature apparently began eating the skeletal creature and the bunnies, for they could hear the crack of bones and the squeals of small rodents. Within minutes the crunching stopped, and a horrible growling sound wafted through the store. Rupert peeked over the counter, and saw that the creature was sniffing for them; it would only be a matter of time before they were found. He started frantically looking through books, to try and undo Anya's last disastrous spell. Without even looking at her, he snarled "Look what you've done, you lunatic woman!"

"Don't blame me," she whispered heatedly. "You snobby, snotty, thinks he's so great kind of jerk... and I feel compelled to take some vengeance on you."

To Rupert's shock, his fiancée hit him over the head with her book as soon as she finished speaking. It hurt, and made him say more than he normally would have. "Ow! God, no wonder I'm leaving you!"

Anya was dumbfounded. "What?!?"

Rupert was too angry to feel his customary shame with regard to Anya, or to remember why he hadn't originally told her about his discovery. "Our first night, when we woke up, I found a one-way ticket to London, and out of this engagement! Like a fool, I thought that my other self was making a mistake, and that I should try to work this out for him. Now, I wish I had taken that bloody trip!"

"Of all the nerve!" Anya was clearly upset, and Rupert began to feel badly again. Before he could apologize, however, she snatched off her ring and threw it at him. He tried to catch it, but her throw was poor and it bounced onto the floor. Before he could stop it, the ring rolled in front of the counter and headed towards the creature that Anya had summoned earlier. Looking near tears, Anya cried out, "Now look at what you've done! That thing is gonna eat my ring."

Although some small part of him insisted that he was not responsible for Anya's actions, Rupert felt terribly guilty. Hoping to rectify matters for her, he began searching his book in earnest. It wasn't long before he found what he believed to be the correct spell. Keeping his voice low, so that the hyena-monster wouldn't hear him, Rupert whispered, "Fatas... venga... mata... waray!"

A blinding blue light flashed above them, and the growling noises abruptly stopped. He peeked out of the counter, and discovered that all the uninvited creatures—both supernatural and rodent—were gone. He grinned and let out a happy sigh. "Oh... that's better."

Anya rushed out from behind the counter, almost knocking him over. She picked up her ring and began examining it anxiously. "Oh, thank goodness," she breathed as she put it back on.

Rupert came out from behind the counter, and tried to think of something to say. All he could think of was a simple apology. "I'm so sorry, dear."

"No. Rupie, I'm sorry," she gushed. "You were right. That was the wrong book."

He might not love her, but it was moments such as these that brought home how completely this woman deserved to be loved. Confused, he stuttered out, "Oh... um... Yes, it was. But I'm, I'm still sorry."

"Don't leave me," she begged shamelessly.

"Oh, Anya," he breathed. "Please don't ask that of me. I don't know why we were together originally, and I don't know why I was leaving, but I really can't make any decisions right now, when everything is so up in the air."

"We're together because you love me," Anya said hotly. "And—"

"No, I don't," Rupert interrupted her.

Anya looked at him with tears in her eyes. "But, but you must! You have to! You asked me to marry you and you gave me this beautiful ring and—"

"Anya, I'm sure the other me loved you very much." He gave her a rather wet grin. "How could he not? You're beautiful, charming, intelligent, and loyal. But... you're just not the woman for me."

Rupert had been worried about hurting her feelings, but she looked more angry than hurt. And still determined to misunderstand him. "But the ring! You gave me a ring!"

"No, I didn't," he said gently. Her eyes got wide, and he hastened to explain. "A man who was molded and shaped by experiences that I can't remember gave a ring to a woman who was likewise changed by experiences that she now can't remember. Perhaps they weren't perfect together, but they made compromises for each other and learned to find a place in each other's lives." He lifted her chin, and forced her to look him in the eyes. "But Anya, that man isn't me, and that woman isn't you. And I don't think we fit together the way we should."

Tears began flowing down Anya's face, and she started to remove her ring once more. He grabbed her hand and stopped her. "No, keep it. Please." Crying in earnest now, Anya nodded and then fled the room. Rupert plopped down heavily in a chair and began beating his head against the table. He was the single biggest bastard on the face of the planet.

He had barely gotten started thinking of despicable names for himself when Willow burst into the store. "I've got it! I've really got it this time!"

Reluctantly, Rupert forced himself to face the redhead. "Got what," he asked wearily.

"The spell! I figured out which spell was used, and I know how to break it," she declared excitedly. "It's the tabula rasa spell, definitely!"

Rupert was confused. "But I thought we'd already ruled that out. There should be a crystal involved in that spell, and--"

"And I've found it," she squeaked happily. "I was going through stuff, and I found a small pouch. I don't know how I missed it earlier. There was a crystal in the pouch, and it was black!"

A black crystal... "Call the others," Rupert said decisively. We're getting our memories back. Tonight."

~*~*~

It took almost half an hour for everyone to gather together. Anya was the last one to arrive, preferring to stay in the back room until Rupert went to fetch her. Her eyes were red and her face was blotchy, but she still gave him a wobbly smile when he called her name. Rupert decided that there wasn't a word in the English language vile enough to describe him, and began to hunt for Russian explicatives. A soochnei seen, that was him.

When they came out, Xander immediately spoke up. "Are you okay, Anya? What's the matter?"

"Rupie dumped me," she sniffled. Rupert cringed at the hard glares that the others directed at him, and started to feel a little less guilty. "He said that we can't get married just because he doesn't love me," she said with a broken sob.

Xander immediately leapt forward and took the weeping woman in his arms. While hugging her, he looked over Anya's shoulder and gave her ex-fiancée a baleful look. "It's alright, Ahn," he said comfortingly. "You probably deserve better than him anyway."

"Yeah," Buffy said kindly, "you'll find somebody. I just know it."

"You don't have to gloat, Buffy," Anya said nastily. When Buffy gave her a blank look, the spurned woman got even angrier. "I know that you're hoping to scoop him up for yourself. I've seen the way you look at him! And—"

"Now, Anya," Rupert hastily interrupted. "You're imagining things. Buffy had nothing more to do with my decision to call off our engagement than anyone else here. So I don't believe that we should be discussing this in front of them." Seeing that Xander looked like he wanted to interject something, Rupert rushed on. "But perhaps we should, um, get back to the matter at hand. To, erm, regaining our mem- memories?" He turned to the redhead in desperation and asked, "Willow?"

"I checked the spell one more time," the bubbly girl said, "and I'm certain this is the one we want." She held up a darkened crystal, and placed it in the center of the table. "All we have to do is smash this crystal, and everything should be honky-dory!"

"So," Dawn asked, "who wants to do the honors?"

Buffy grabbed a large, heavy statue. "Why don't we all take hold of this, and smash the crystal together?"

Since nobody had any objections to this plan, everyone grouped around the edge of the table, huddling close together. Buffy counted, "One, two, THREE," and brought the statue down hard. A green light flashed through the store for a brief moment. And then everyone in the store was suddenly smashed apart, just as the crystal had been. But in this case, memories crashed down upon them, instead of large statues.

Rupert, no Giles' eyes opened wide. He felt dizzy, so he shook his head, hoping to clear it. The thoughts that came rushing into his head sickened him.

He thought that he had saturated himself with guilt over the last week or so, but he now discovered that he hadn't even come close. His rampant hormones had RUINED two valuable friendships. Not only was he incapable of looking anyone in the eye, he wasn't sure if he could even keep from throwing up.

And then, Xander thoughtfully took away his need to worry about anything at all. The young man screamed, "You sonofabitch!" and clocked him across the jaw. Giles' last thought was that unconsciousness had never seemed so appealing before.