Yea… it's been a frikin long time since I've updated… figured I might as well do it now. Oh, btw: The Cleveland Browns suck… just fyi… I was at the game today and wanted to shoot someone… 0-35… greeeeat…

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"What are we going to do?" Sori asked. "The creature just ran away with my partner!"

Legolas shrugged, "We could go after him… I guess."

The two stood there contemplating the amount of effort it would take to rescue the child Dark Elf from the dwarf. "I guess there's nothing else better to do," Legolas finally said.

"Too true." Sori replied and began walking in the direction the dwarf had run off in.

The two walked through the woods in silence, the only noise coming from the two was the swishing of Sori's leather clothing and Legolas' chains clinking together. "This is cheerful." Sori commented.

"Wanna fuck?" Legolas blurted out.

Sori stopped dead in her tracks and stared at the elf, "Excuse me?"

"C'mon. We're both 'warriors' on a mission. These things get stressful. Why not engage in the most effective form of stress management available to us? I mean, for once Katana is not around to bother us," Legolas offered with a cocky smile.

"Shit… you know you're gorgeous. No, Legolas. I'm not getting involved with someone like you," Sori replied.

"Someone like me?"

"Yea, you. You have dwarves following you and people swarming you everywhere. No way I need that public of a sexual partner. I prefer having a reclusive relationship," Sori told him.

"But the dwarf is getting action! Why can't I get it from a nice piece of ass like you?" Legolas complained, grabbing her butt.

Sori turned to him and slammed his body against a tree and pressed a knife to his throat in less than a second. "Hot piece of ass?! Is that all I fucking am to you?!"

Legolas grabbed her arm with the knife in it and pulled it away from his throat. He pushed Sori back, she tripped on a tree root and fell to the ground with Legolas on top of her.

"Oh this is fun," Legolas teased.

"HELP!!!" They heard a far off voice scream. They both recognized the voice as Katana's.

The two simultaneously jumped up and ran towards the screaming elf. They encountered a sight incredibly gruesome to the eyes.

The dwarf was dancing around a fire trying to conjure up the 'sex gods' while Katana lay handcuffed to a tree.

"Legolas, kill the dwarf while I help Katana!" Sori screamed at him, rushing over to help her partner.

"Only if you will have sex with me," Legolas said.

"NOW!" Sori demanded. Legolas jumped and ran to the dwarf.

"The sex gods have answered my call!! They have sent me the beautiful creature of the bed!" He yelled while staring at Legolas.

"Um, no man… I'm Legolas. And I'm about to kill you," Legolas answered. He lunged at the dwarf with every intention of strangling the horrid creature.

Marilyn the dwarf yelped and escaped Legolas' reach, he then turned and ran into the woods.

Legolas watched as the dwarf ran away from him, he figured that it wasn't worth the effort to run after the dwarf, so he let him go. He returned to Sori's side by Katana.

"OMG! He tried to rub this oil into my skin! It was horrible! I wanted to cry! He said that he wanted to eat me! I didn't want to die so I told him that I tasted like fish… and for some reason he left me alone."

Sori and Legolas exchanged a glance and smiled. They loved naïve kids.

Suddenly, a bright light flashed before them. In the midst of the light, they could make out a tall figure. It was Galadriel… she slowly extended her hand and placed it over Legolas' make-up covered eyes.

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Oh no… what IS going to happen to Legolas… I think the next chapter might be the last… ::gasps:: oh no…