(AN: Yup, 'nother update. I decided to make this chapter, and maybe the rest of the chapters, a songfic. I don't own this song, "Find Your Way Back", by Michelle Branch.
[ ] = song lyrics
Italicized stuff is in italics in the story.)
Royal Blunders
Chapter Nine: How To Be Heartless
It was almost noon before Amelia had woken up. Being very wise and thankfully, generous, Lady Adara had convinced the palace staff to allow the princess time to sleep in and regain her health.
But until Amelia knew the whole story of what had happened the previous night, she had no idea why once second, she remembered sitting down with Lady Adara and everyone, and the next moment, waking up still dressed in her evening gown. Instantly, by the feeling she got from her lightheaded swaying, she knew that what happened would obviously be a memory that was most unpleasant.
She had to blink several times in order to see her bedroom clearly. When her vision had come back and the feathery light feeling had begun to recede, she felt something fragile in her closed hand. A flower. She blinked again, her thoughts fuzzy. Where did I get a flower….? She had to think backwards…
Oh, that's right, she thought. The garden. Zelgadis-san. For the first time that morning, she suddenly felt eager to get up and going, so immediately, she flew across the room to her closet to begin searching for the first thing she could consider wearing. That's it, she thought happily. Zelgadis-san! He can explain to me what happened. She seized the lavender traveling dress she'd worn in the garden and began dressing.
~*~*~*~
Zelgadis had chosen his traveling apparel. Maybe this was another step towards becoming the Oh-So-Heartless chimera again, who knew. Even he didn't. All he knew was that things were going back to the way they were, and that meant on his own again.
He hadn't yet planned how to leave. He'd decided in such a fearful rush that nothing had come out neatly. He was going to look for his cure and get back to business, of course, and Lina and Gourry could stay here with Amelia….
He exhaled. He wouldn't think of Amelia just now. Every time he did, he seemed to have to catch his breath in some way. He would explain to her what had happened. He would tell her about getting back to his cure. He would leave. That was that. He had to leave before he was back to who he had begun changing into. What had he been thinking? Dancing close to her….letting her snuggle up to him.…what was that? Someone he couldn't be just yet.
Human.
And then he struggled a bit, fidgeting with his knuckles as he walked. Should he walk away so rashly? Was it just the whirlwind of thoughts that had blown him away, surrounding him like a torrent?
What did he really want?
Humanity. And so it must be, he decided underneath his breath.
[ I used to get away with so much. ]
Then abruptly, as he turned the corner, something small and fast hurtled towards him like a blur of black and violet, hitting his stomach and tumbling backwards onto the floor with a groan. Luckily, being made of stone, that didn't have much effect on him, and he simply stared at the heap on the floor for a second before he realized it was a very anxious and very hurried Amelia.
"Amelia, what are you doing?" he asked, slightly exasperated, dangling his arm for her to grasp, which she did, pulling herself upwards and gasping with delight at who it turned out to be.
[ Now I can't get away. ]
"Looking for you, Zelgadis-san!" She steadied herself, remnants of the hangover still making her feel lightheaded, dusted herself off, and gave him a bright smile. "I was wondering if I could ask you to explain something to me."
Zelgadis looked down at her with the most scornful look he could muster, which came out better than it had been lately. Things were already going back to how they were. "Alright.…because I had something to tell you as well."
[ I even thought that it was simple....]
[.…To say the things I wanted to say. ]
"Really, Zelgadis-san?" The eager with which she spoke seemed to strike at him, leaving him feeling pained. How she reacted might influence how he left.
He wanted to get his point across, but not leave her so upset that he wouldn't think about anything else, because how she felt did matter, in a small way, he reminded himself. Being the Heartless Chimera may involve being cold at times, but he'd still told himself that he was friends with them, and that was how it was going to stay.
[ And you told me everything I wanted to hear. ]
[ And you sold me…. now I don't know how I should feel. ]
A few minutes later, they were situated at a small table in the entrance hall, Amelia looking cheerful, Zelgadis, awkward but determined. He forgot to be cold when he looked at how cheery she was, and he was sure that it would be even harder to tell her he was leaving.
Then, he had to explain what happened last night.…he almost blushed profusely at the thought, but caught himself at the last second. There was to be no more of that. He stared down the eager look in her sapphire eyes with difficulty. Why was being heartless so hard? Was it just facing someone with so much heart of her own, enough to rival his own? He cleared his throat, perhaps louder than he should have. "First of all, I'm sure you want to know what happened last night."
[ I should know me. ]
[ And baby, you would think I knew better. ]
Amelia nodded, her hair bobbing up and down, unbrushed and unheeded in her haste. The look she had prevented Zelgadis from beginning quickly and easily. "Well….obviously, you must have felt lightheaded and sick this morning."
She nodded again. "Not so much sick as lightheaded, but you're right, Zelgadis-san."
He shook his head in agreement. "Right. Well....I know you won't be pleased to hear this, but you drank two glasses of wine. And I'm guessing you never have before, because you were drunk after that." He adjusted his position stiffly as Amelia gasped sharply.
"Really?! Oh…why didn't one of you stop me? I shouldn't have tried.…" She collapsed on her arms, sighing dramatically. "Well…I suppose that if it's done, it's done. Was I very terrible, Zelgadis-san?"
[ I'm finding my way back to you. ]
[ And everything I used to be. ]
He let a little chuckle escape him for the time being….a very small one, however. "No, you weren't terrible....you did try to braid my hair after you did the tablecloth....but, anyway, Lady Adara asked me to take you up to your room and you—" Here was where he reached a standstill.…how to say it without blushing. Was it impossible? "Well, you were very disoriented, so you had some trouble putting a sentence together correctly.…oh, and you kissed me, so you were definitely out of it." Yep. Impossible. The words came out rapidly, like cannonfire, shot out one after another. The familiar red tinge appeared on his cheeks for just a second, with how hard he was trying to stop it, it dissipated after a moment or two of embarrassment.
[ And waiting is all that I can do. ]
[ Until you find your way back to me. ]
Amelia drew in a sharp intake of breath, fiddling with her thumbs as Zelgadis had done so many times before. "Well....I'm.…I'm sorry about th-that, Zelgadis-san…..but….."
The memory came rushing back to her when she remembered last night, after Zelgadis had explained it…..muttering random phrases, yes.…being carried up to her bedroom.…sitting on the bed, swaying, really…..kissing Zelgadis….!! So she had. She'd wanted to for quite a while, and being loosened up had obviously helped.
She gasped and covered her face so Zelgadis would not see it as red as a tomato. Zelgadis only blinked. What was she doing? That didn't matter, he reminded himself. "Well, Amelia, either way, I wanted to tell you I have to go."
[ What if I said what I was thinking? ]
[ What if that says too much? ]
Immediately, the scarlet colors drained from Amelia's face, going from tomato-red to sheet-pale. "What? But, Zelgadis-san…..aren't you at least going to talk to me about—well, you know." She gave him a startled, pleading look. "You're….not going to leave now, with the training, and we were getting along so well—and I at least thought we could talk—" she stammered.
"I haven't been focused, Amelia. I have to get back to finding my cure. I liked being here….with you, but I can't ignore it for that long." Words still came out rapidly, but he was confident now, and said it stiffly so she couldn't suspect any regrets. That was part of being heartless. No regrets.
[ When everybody's got a reason ]
[ I feel like giving up. ]
"Ignore what, exactly?" Amelia's tone was different; it was oddly sharp. Zelgadis remained steadfast. There was no room for changing his mind now.
"What I need to do, and what I need to do is find my cure. I want to be human."
"You are human, Zelgadis-san!" Amelia had stood up, her white knuckles clutching the edge of the table, shaking slightly. "Don't you understand? You are human! You think and feel just like me or Lina-san or anyone!"
[ And you told me everything I wanted to hear. ]
[And you sold me…..now I don't know how I should feel. ]
That was when Zelgadis stood up too. He wasn't going to stay for a speech about how he looked cool, not again. He wasn't going to let anything stop him this time, and he was getting irritated with being intercepted. "Amelia, I can stay and pretend that I'm a normal—person. But I'm not going to lie to myself, and I'm not going to wait and see what happens when I pretend. Let me go."
His voice had become as harsh as Amelia's, and his face was hardened with anger—how could she make believe he was anything but a freak? He wasn't human. He stalked over to the door, not looking back, until she called out to him, her voice sounding choked and angry.
[ I should know me. ]
[ And baby, you would think that I knew better. ]
"How you look doesn't change how you feel, Zelgadis-san!" He turned around and found that she was right in his face, blinking back tears. Surprising him, she gripped his shoulders and clenched her teeth. "Tell me what you feel, at least, Zelgadis-san. Why don't you tell me how you feel about me?"
"I don't feel anything!" he shoved her hands off, but she stood in the same spot, her hands balled into weakly held fists. She didn't bother holding the tears back anymore; they were rolling down her cheeks.
"What did you feel last night? You must have felt something when I kissed you! Humans feel things like that! Zelgadis-san, what did you feel? You must have felt a human emotion! What did you feel??"
[ I'm finding my way back to you. ]
[ And everything I used to be. ]
"NOTHING!" He turned from her sharply and stalked through the doors, slamming them behind him. He wasn't just angry now; he was furious at the act she kept putting on.
It was true, he had felt something last nothing, but it was just some stupid thing. Hormones, perhaps. The thought was almost sickening, considering that he was supposed to be a dark and mysterious soul. Now, he was just confused.
[ And waiting is all I can do. ]
[ Until you find your way back to me. ]
He looked down the dirt road to the horizon. The sun was just coming up. Lina and Gourry should be coming down for breakfast now, he thought. They'll know soon.
[ Until you find your way back to me. ]
[ Until you find your way back to me. ]
He looked down at the dusty road. It was firmly packed, and no footsteps crossed it. It had definitely been a while since they'd all been on the road. Now, it was just him. Just Zelgadis.
[ I used to get away with so much. ]
Alone.
[ I'm finding my way back to you. ]
[ And everything I used to be. ]
Again.
[ And waiting is all that I can do. ]
[ Until you find your way back to me. ]
He began heading out onto the road. He didn't know where he was going, really, but he knew there were quite a few temples around this area that had to have some material he could look for. That was what he could do for now.
That was that.
[ I used to get away with so much. ]
( Wow, RB has gotten somewhat angsty, ne? Don't worry folks, it's not going to lose its blundering humor! We'll save that for Lina and Gourry, shall we? ^.^ A couple things I'd like to mention: I chose the song because I think it could be from either Amelia's point, talking about what you're thinking, and waiting for the other person to come back. *shrug* Imagine what you want.
This chapter was pretty long, huh? Also, there's bold and Italic stuff because Shira taught me how to use HTML saving ^^; Thanks, Shira!
So, was this in character? I hope it was! I'm not very good at angsty Amelia…..once again, feedback in appreciated. Stay tuned! I have some updates on my bio page, too! Till the next chapter! ~*~Tams~*~ )