A/N - I wasn't going to continue but this won't go away. Thank You! to the
awesome people that reviewed, I really wasn't expecting any. Luke isn't
exactly well liked or a main focus of the show, ya know. Just thought I'd
try to give him a voice and a new friend and see how he and Seth might get
along now. More Seth next chapter.
Atonement - 2
Luke unlocked the truck door and opened it for Anna. He caught her looking doubtfully from the pavement up to the seat and suddenly realized how tiny she was. "Uh, do you - I can, maybe, well, help you?" He closed his eyes and silently mourned the loss of his formerly confident ways with women. Apparently his dad's outing was going to affect even this aspect of his life.
He had once been arrogantly sure of pretty much everything. The world was his. Events and women and guys had an order and a place and a set reaction in his mind. Now, it was like his identity, or his brain or soul - whatever new age thing you wanted to call it- had been stripped away and replaced with a blank one. He had to relearn how to talk to and think about kids that he would simply dismiss or attack before. He was constantly on guard against saying the wrong thing or doing something that could be interpreted as harassment. After being on the other side of the coin, he knew he could never make things right with everyone he'd messed with, but he would at least try his hardest not to be the jerk people expected. Not that anyone was talking to him. And this new identity was currently worried about what to say to or do with this girl that wouldn't scare her off. He wondered if he even had a chance with her. If she was friends with Cohen and his crew God only knew what kinds of crap they'd told her about him. Things that all were, unfortunately, true. But, she had agreed to a ride and didn't seem freaked out at meeting him. He'd go with that.
"Um. Are you ok?"
She was looking up at him with those huge eyes and he was struck by what a beautiful face she had. Not to mention the rest of her. How had he not noticed her at school before? "Yeah. Yeah, sorry, I spaced off for a second."
He lips curved into a small smile. "Well, that much I figured out. Where were you?"
Luke gazed at her for a moment. Not telling her that. But don't lie either. "Why don't we get you into the truck. At this rate it'll be midnight before you get home."
"All right. How um, do we do this?"
Luke looked from her to the truck seat. "Well, you know, I've never really done this before. Marissa's pretty tall, so...Ok, hang onto my arm, can you get your leg up there, no, uh, sorry."
"Yes. That's not going to work. Mini-skirt plus truck equals just say no." Anna was amused by Luke's flushed face.
"Ok, the only way to do this then, is-" He easily picked her up and put her in the seat. "- Like that." He shut her door and got in on his side. "Mission accomplished."
"Thanks. And just because you changed the subject back there doesn't mean you're off the hook. What were you spacing about? You were gone a long time." She watched him expectantly.
"You want the truth?" Luke looked over at her as she nodded. "I'm a little nervous, actually. Everything's just so different."
"Why are you nervous?" Her voice was soft.
He started the truck and pulled out. "You're the first person that hasn't acted like I'm public enemy number one, other than Ryan and Marissa, since all that happened. I'm not sure how to act, and I can only imagine what you've heard about me."
"Well, I have to admit I haven't gotten any glowing reviews about you. But the fact that you're worried about it says a lot. You and Seth seemed to be getting along. And he - ooh, um-"
"He hates me. I know."
She laid her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry. Sometimes my mouth takes off before my brain."
He smiled sadly. "It's ok. He should hate me. I've done some seriously harsh things to him. I was trying to, I don't know, just have a normal conversation with him for once tonight. Start over, maybe, if he'd let me. And Anna, you're going to have to tell me where you live."
She watched him drive for a moment, thinking hard. "You know, I'm famished. Would you be interested in dinner before you take me home?"
Luke's eyes widened in surprise and he kept them on the road ahead. "Hell yeah. That would be great."
*****
They were seated in a back booth at a little out of the way restaurant Luke knew about. "It's not much to look at, but the food is amazing."
Anna nodded. "These types of places always have the best food. And a relaxed atmosphere." She looked around. "It's nice."
Luke leaned in and propped his chin on his hand. "So, tell me about you. You said you're from Pittsburgh? How long have you lived here?"
"Just a few months, really. Five?" She shrugged. "My dad moved us here to start a new branch of his business."
"Five months? I don't remember ever seeing you around."
"Well, that's because I was only here for a few weeks, until Cotillion, then I spent the rest of the summer on a sailing trip."
"Really? You like to sail, huh. Where did you go?" Luke was intrigued.
"Tahiti. It was incredible. I highly recommend traveling there, even if you don't sail."
He leaned back and shook his head. "Wow. You sailed to Tahiti. Makes my summer seem all kinds of lame."
"And what did you do this summer?"
"Nothing. A whole lot of partying, I guess. We have a boat and a bunch of us would go out, water ski and mess around. And I was in a summer baseball league. Didn't really go anywhere, though."
"That doesn't sound like a bad summer."
Luke wanted to know more about this girl. Very few people were interested in hanging with him these days, and it was cool to be having some normal conversation for a change. "So sailing is one of those "unconventional interests" you mentioned? What else?"
Anna cocked her head to one side. "Why are we only talking about me?"
Luke laughed and looked down. "I'm pretty boring. My story might as well be on the front page of the newspaper. Everyone in 3 counties knows."
"Luke, no. That's your father's story. You as a person are not defined by what your parents or the people around you do."
He thought about it for a minute. "That's generally true. But in this case I am being defined by my dad being gay." Seeing her argument brewing, he raised a hand to stop her. "I'm not talking about the obvious way. It's more how I'm being treated now that's defining me. Or redefining me."
She gave him a sympathetic look. "It must be awful for you. People are so narrow-minded here."
He shook his head. "You really don't know much about me, do you?" She shrugged and he went on. "All the narrow minded people giving me a hard time? I was them until this happened. I was in general quite the asshole to anyone that I thought didn't fit into the Newport mold. So every comment or threat or remark someone throws at me is way familiar because I've said every one of them. And trust me, it's a real eye-opener. I don't want to be that guy anymore, but it's like I'm starting over and nobody gave me the instruction book. Every thing is different, and I second-guess everything I do or say." He looked down at his plate. "God, that sounded like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I'm really not. I deserve everything I get and why am I telling all this to someone I just met?" He looked to the ceiling and wanted to kick himself. "Hell, I'm sorry, Anna. I'm making a great first impression, aren't I?" He looked up to see how badly it went over. Oddly enough, she was watching him thoughtfully.
"First. Technically, your father is not defining you. Your development into an open-minded person is from the reaction to your dad's situation."
Luke gave in. "Ok. You won that one." This girl was definitely not an airhead even if she was blonde. Wait. Were blonde jokes acceptable?
She licked an index finger and drew a "1" in the air. "Second. You don't deserve everything you're getting, because, once again, this is your father's deal, not yours. Unless you believe the abuse is some sort of Karmic justice for your previous behavior. Which I, personally, don't."
"Look, you have to expect this stuff to happen, especially in a small town like this where everybody is in everybody else's business. It just does and I knew that. I'm sure, though, that all the crap I'm getting wouldn't be half as bad if I'd a been a nicer guy before all hell broke loose. Kids that normally wouldn't get involved? Well they are now because it's a way to get some kind of revenge on me. So, in that sense, I deserve it. That's not really karma biting me in the ass."
Anna gave that some thought. "I'm giving you a point because it was well argued. Not because I think you're right."
Luke grinned. "I like this scoring system."
"I thought you might. So third. The reason you're telling me all this is because I don't know you and don't have any preconceived ideas about you. I only know what I'm seeing now, and what I've heard. Vision is dominant over auditory expression."
Luke was confused. "Anna, not to be the stereotypical "dumb jock", but huh?"
"Seeing is believing. It's easier to disregard what you've heard than what you've seen with your own eyes." He nodded in agreement. " It's easier for you to talk to me because we just met and you feel I'd be more receptive than someone who knew you before."
He stared at her. "Uh. Yeah. I didn't know I felt that but it makes sense. Are you sure you're only a junior? And that will be my only argument because I give up. If I had a white flag I'd be waving it."
Anna shook her head. "It's only 2 to 1 and we're not done yet. Fourth. You seem to have taken a hard look at yourself, and are making the effort to change what you don't like. You feel bad about things that you've done, and even tried to make amends with Seth. That makes a good first impression. For me, anyway." She sat back in the booth. "Ok, we're done now."
"As long as I didn't screw this up by talking too much, I don't care what the score was. I won." Luke gave her a shy smile. He wondered if she was maybe out of his league and 'that' was something that had never crossed his mind before concerning women. The fact that Seth hadn't warned her away from him felt pretty good in itself. This evening was turning out so much better than the misery of the last several days.
"You didn't screw anything up. Relax." She smiled, then went serious. "Look, you really need to let your past go. It's clouding your attempts to be a better person. You can't always worry how someone's going to react to you because you were once an ass."
He snorted. "Even if it was just last week?"
"Even if. You can't change anything you did back then, and if you really want to turn this around, the best thing you can do is just go about your business and be the better man you want to be. People will see it after a while. Just understand that some of them might always hold a grudge against you."
"Oh I know that. Not everyone's like Cohen. Not that I think he's forgiven me or over it. That won't happen anytime soon, if ever. He was just, so decent to me when I was pretty low. He didn't have to be." Luke still couldn't believe he'd instantly invited him to stay at their house.
"He has a huge heart, that one. Seth is one of a kind."
Luke nodded and then picked up the check. "Are you ready to go, then?"
"Sure. If you are."
Luke was standing by the booth. He hesitated and sat back down. Might as well take a chance. "Look, do you want to head somewhere else? I really need a break from home, and I'm having -" He gestured between them. "well, this has been good."
Anna answered back with a soft smile." What did you have in mind?"
"I was thinking we could head to the beach, maybe. I like to go there at night sometimes." Wait. She might think he was trying to be romantic and wanted to jump her. "Or down to the pier. Whatever you want."
"The beach sounds good. It's so peaceful there at night."
Luke let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. "Cool. Let me pay the check and - "
"I believe I asked you to dinner? I'll buy. Give me the check." Anna held out a hand for it.
So she was feisty and independent as well as smart. And hot. Luke shook his head. "Oh come on. We're not going to have this argument, are we? Just let me pay. You had to listen to me whine about my life. Paying will help make up for that."
Anna stood up and put a hand on her hip. "You weren't whining. We had a discussion."
She tried to stare him down, but he wasn't giving in. A guy had to have some pride. And he had very little to be proud of right now. He grinned at her and shook his head.
She rolled her eyes and tried not to be swayed by his blue ones. Didn't work. "All right. If you insist. But next time, I'M buying."
Did she just say "next time"? "Yeah, ok, Anna." Except not. He would be paying tonight and any other time too. This night just kept getting better and better. He'd have to make sure he thanked Cohen tomorrow. Hell, if Seth were a girl, he'd send him flowers or something. What did you send guys? A six-pack? Dumb. Cohen liked comic books. Maybe something like that. Anna would know what he liked.
****
Atonement - 2
Luke unlocked the truck door and opened it for Anna. He caught her looking doubtfully from the pavement up to the seat and suddenly realized how tiny she was. "Uh, do you - I can, maybe, well, help you?" He closed his eyes and silently mourned the loss of his formerly confident ways with women. Apparently his dad's outing was going to affect even this aspect of his life.
He had once been arrogantly sure of pretty much everything. The world was his. Events and women and guys had an order and a place and a set reaction in his mind. Now, it was like his identity, or his brain or soul - whatever new age thing you wanted to call it- had been stripped away and replaced with a blank one. He had to relearn how to talk to and think about kids that he would simply dismiss or attack before. He was constantly on guard against saying the wrong thing or doing something that could be interpreted as harassment. After being on the other side of the coin, he knew he could never make things right with everyone he'd messed with, but he would at least try his hardest not to be the jerk people expected. Not that anyone was talking to him. And this new identity was currently worried about what to say to or do with this girl that wouldn't scare her off. He wondered if he even had a chance with her. If she was friends with Cohen and his crew God only knew what kinds of crap they'd told her about him. Things that all were, unfortunately, true. But, she had agreed to a ride and didn't seem freaked out at meeting him. He'd go with that.
"Um. Are you ok?"
She was looking up at him with those huge eyes and he was struck by what a beautiful face she had. Not to mention the rest of her. How had he not noticed her at school before? "Yeah. Yeah, sorry, I spaced off for a second."
He lips curved into a small smile. "Well, that much I figured out. Where were you?"
Luke gazed at her for a moment. Not telling her that. But don't lie either. "Why don't we get you into the truck. At this rate it'll be midnight before you get home."
"All right. How um, do we do this?"
Luke looked from her to the truck seat. "Well, you know, I've never really done this before. Marissa's pretty tall, so...Ok, hang onto my arm, can you get your leg up there, no, uh, sorry."
"Yes. That's not going to work. Mini-skirt plus truck equals just say no." Anna was amused by Luke's flushed face.
"Ok, the only way to do this then, is-" He easily picked her up and put her in the seat. "- Like that." He shut her door and got in on his side. "Mission accomplished."
"Thanks. And just because you changed the subject back there doesn't mean you're off the hook. What were you spacing about? You were gone a long time." She watched him expectantly.
"You want the truth?" Luke looked over at her as she nodded. "I'm a little nervous, actually. Everything's just so different."
"Why are you nervous?" Her voice was soft.
He started the truck and pulled out. "You're the first person that hasn't acted like I'm public enemy number one, other than Ryan and Marissa, since all that happened. I'm not sure how to act, and I can only imagine what you've heard about me."
"Well, I have to admit I haven't gotten any glowing reviews about you. But the fact that you're worried about it says a lot. You and Seth seemed to be getting along. And he - ooh, um-"
"He hates me. I know."
She laid her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry. Sometimes my mouth takes off before my brain."
He smiled sadly. "It's ok. He should hate me. I've done some seriously harsh things to him. I was trying to, I don't know, just have a normal conversation with him for once tonight. Start over, maybe, if he'd let me. And Anna, you're going to have to tell me where you live."
She watched him drive for a moment, thinking hard. "You know, I'm famished. Would you be interested in dinner before you take me home?"
Luke's eyes widened in surprise and he kept them on the road ahead. "Hell yeah. That would be great."
*****
They were seated in a back booth at a little out of the way restaurant Luke knew about. "It's not much to look at, but the food is amazing."
Anna nodded. "These types of places always have the best food. And a relaxed atmosphere." She looked around. "It's nice."
Luke leaned in and propped his chin on his hand. "So, tell me about you. You said you're from Pittsburgh? How long have you lived here?"
"Just a few months, really. Five?" She shrugged. "My dad moved us here to start a new branch of his business."
"Five months? I don't remember ever seeing you around."
"Well, that's because I was only here for a few weeks, until Cotillion, then I spent the rest of the summer on a sailing trip."
"Really? You like to sail, huh. Where did you go?" Luke was intrigued.
"Tahiti. It was incredible. I highly recommend traveling there, even if you don't sail."
He leaned back and shook his head. "Wow. You sailed to Tahiti. Makes my summer seem all kinds of lame."
"And what did you do this summer?"
"Nothing. A whole lot of partying, I guess. We have a boat and a bunch of us would go out, water ski and mess around. And I was in a summer baseball league. Didn't really go anywhere, though."
"That doesn't sound like a bad summer."
Luke wanted to know more about this girl. Very few people were interested in hanging with him these days, and it was cool to be having some normal conversation for a change. "So sailing is one of those "unconventional interests" you mentioned? What else?"
Anna cocked her head to one side. "Why are we only talking about me?"
Luke laughed and looked down. "I'm pretty boring. My story might as well be on the front page of the newspaper. Everyone in 3 counties knows."
"Luke, no. That's your father's story. You as a person are not defined by what your parents or the people around you do."
He thought about it for a minute. "That's generally true. But in this case I am being defined by my dad being gay." Seeing her argument brewing, he raised a hand to stop her. "I'm not talking about the obvious way. It's more how I'm being treated now that's defining me. Or redefining me."
She gave him a sympathetic look. "It must be awful for you. People are so narrow-minded here."
He shook his head. "You really don't know much about me, do you?" She shrugged and he went on. "All the narrow minded people giving me a hard time? I was them until this happened. I was in general quite the asshole to anyone that I thought didn't fit into the Newport mold. So every comment or threat or remark someone throws at me is way familiar because I've said every one of them. And trust me, it's a real eye-opener. I don't want to be that guy anymore, but it's like I'm starting over and nobody gave me the instruction book. Every thing is different, and I second-guess everything I do or say." He looked down at his plate. "God, that sounded like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I'm really not. I deserve everything I get and why am I telling all this to someone I just met?" He looked to the ceiling and wanted to kick himself. "Hell, I'm sorry, Anna. I'm making a great first impression, aren't I?" He looked up to see how badly it went over. Oddly enough, she was watching him thoughtfully.
"First. Technically, your father is not defining you. Your development into an open-minded person is from the reaction to your dad's situation."
Luke gave in. "Ok. You won that one." This girl was definitely not an airhead even if she was blonde. Wait. Were blonde jokes acceptable?
She licked an index finger and drew a "1" in the air. "Second. You don't deserve everything you're getting, because, once again, this is your father's deal, not yours. Unless you believe the abuse is some sort of Karmic justice for your previous behavior. Which I, personally, don't."
"Look, you have to expect this stuff to happen, especially in a small town like this where everybody is in everybody else's business. It just does and I knew that. I'm sure, though, that all the crap I'm getting wouldn't be half as bad if I'd a been a nicer guy before all hell broke loose. Kids that normally wouldn't get involved? Well they are now because it's a way to get some kind of revenge on me. So, in that sense, I deserve it. That's not really karma biting me in the ass."
Anna gave that some thought. "I'm giving you a point because it was well argued. Not because I think you're right."
Luke grinned. "I like this scoring system."
"I thought you might. So third. The reason you're telling me all this is because I don't know you and don't have any preconceived ideas about you. I only know what I'm seeing now, and what I've heard. Vision is dominant over auditory expression."
Luke was confused. "Anna, not to be the stereotypical "dumb jock", but huh?"
"Seeing is believing. It's easier to disregard what you've heard than what you've seen with your own eyes." He nodded in agreement. " It's easier for you to talk to me because we just met and you feel I'd be more receptive than someone who knew you before."
He stared at her. "Uh. Yeah. I didn't know I felt that but it makes sense. Are you sure you're only a junior? And that will be my only argument because I give up. If I had a white flag I'd be waving it."
Anna shook her head. "It's only 2 to 1 and we're not done yet. Fourth. You seem to have taken a hard look at yourself, and are making the effort to change what you don't like. You feel bad about things that you've done, and even tried to make amends with Seth. That makes a good first impression. For me, anyway." She sat back in the booth. "Ok, we're done now."
"As long as I didn't screw this up by talking too much, I don't care what the score was. I won." Luke gave her a shy smile. He wondered if she was maybe out of his league and 'that' was something that had never crossed his mind before concerning women. The fact that Seth hadn't warned her away from him felt pretty good in itself. This evening was turning out so much better than the misery of the last several days.
"You didn't screw anything up. Relax." She smiled, then went serious. "Look, you really need to let your past go. It's clouding your attempts to be a better person. You can't always worry how someone's going to react to you because you were once an ass."
He snorted. "Even if it was just last week?"
"Even if. You can't change anything you did back then, and if you really want to turn this around, the best thing you can do is just go about your business and be the better man you want to be. People will see it after a while. Just understand that some of them might always hold a grudge against you."
"Oh I know that. Not everyone's like Cohen. Not that I think he's forgiven me or over it. That won't happen anytime soon, if ever. He was just, so decent to me when I was pretty low. He didn't have to be." Luke still couldn't believe he'd instantly invited him to stay at their house.
"He has a huge heart, that one. Seth is one of a kind."
Luke nodded and then picked up the check. "Are you ready to go, then?"
"Sure. If you are."
Luke was standing by the booth. He hesitated and sat back down. Might as well take a chance. "Look, do you want to head somewhere else? I really need a break from home, and I'm having -" He gestured between them. "well, this has been good."
Anna answered back with a soft smile." What did you have in mind?"
"I was thinking we could head to the beach, maybe. I like to go there at night sometimes." Wait. She might think he was trying to be romantic and wanted to jump her. "Or down to the pier. Whatever you want."
"The beach sounds good. It's so peaceful there at night."
Luke let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. "Cool. Let me pay the check and - "
"I believe I asked you to dinner? I'll buy. Give me the check." Anna held out a hand for it.
So she was feisty and independent as well as smart. And hot. Luke shook his head. "Oh come on. We're not going to have this argument, are we? Just let me pay. You had to listen to me whine about my life. Paying will help make up for that."
Anna stood up and put a hand on her hip. "You weren't whining. We had a discussion."
She tried to stare him down, but he wasn't giving in. A guy had to have some pride. And he had very little to be proud of right now. He grinned at her and shook his head.
She rolled her eyes and tried not to be swayed by his blue ones. Didn't work. "All right. If you insist. But next time, I'M buying."
Did she just say "next time"? "Yeah, ok, Anna." Except not. He would be paying tonight and any other time too. This night just kept getting better and better. He'd have to make sure he thanked Cohen tomorrow. Hell, if Seth were a girl, he'd send him flowers or something. What did you send guys? A six-pack? Dumb. Cohen liked comic books. Maybe something like that. Anna would know what he liked.
****