Pairing: Oliver Wood/Harry Potter
Rating: R (I think it's PG-13, but just to be safe I'm saying R.)
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the world and the characters, I just came up with the plot. I make no profit from these writings.
Author's Note: I apologize for the long wait. The story is now done.
vacuity
Oliver tries not to talk when he's with Harry. He knows there are things to say and things that have to take place but with only a week left of school, he's not ready to say good-bye. Not to Harry, anyway.
He has the conversations in his head, instead.
"Harry," he says to the mirror, "I'm in love with you, and I don't want to leave you."
And his mirror snickers and Oliver bangs his forehead against it.
"Harry, I'm leaving in a week and I know I'm going to miss you a lot, I just don't think you're going to miss me..."
His mirror is silent so Oliver continues, "We don't see each other much now that Quidditch is over and when we do, it's brief because you're so scared and so I kiss you and try to make you feel better but nothing I do is good enough and I still think you don't want me."
He looks at the mirror, he looks himself in the eye and he whispers, "You tried and you don't feel the way I do."
He hurts because he has Harry and still it's not enough. Harry has to want him too but he doesn't and Oliver's heart is breaking and Harry doesn't even notice.
"Oliver?" Oliver looks up from his books. It's one in the morning and he's in the common room looking at leaflets trying to find a purpose for life after Hogwarts.
Harry is standing at the common room entrance. Oliver hasn't seen him since Harry was admitted to the hospital the night before. Oliver smiles, and motions Harry to sit beside him. Harry takes a hesitant step forward, keeping an eye out for anyone who may be around. This hurts Oliver, who has grown tired of hiding.
"I thought you'd visit this morning."
Oliver goes back to his leaflets, "I didn't think you wanted me to."
"You didn't think I wanted to see you? Why would you think something like that?"
"I don't know, why did you look to see if the common room was empty before you sat down?"
Harry reddens from embarrassment but Oliver doesn't see because Oliver's eyes are trained on the papers in front of him.
"I... I don't mean to... force of habit, I suppose. I'm not, well, people know we're friends. It wouldn't be that odd if you visited me."
It's silent and Oliver feels Harry's eyes on the leaflets, he suddenly wants to hide them. He doesn't want Harry to bring up what they mean but he doesn't want to fight with Harry about their relationship, either.
"Have you... you know, decided." He looks pointedly at the leaflets and Oliver feels his stomach drop.
"Puddlemere looks like a good Quidditch program. I wouldn't be playing right away but I do want to continue with Quidditch."
"Yeah, me too." Oliver hears the strain in Harry's voice, "are you excited?"
"About graduation? Not really."
"Why not?" Harry asks automatically and Oliver wonders how he could possibly not know why.
"Because I'll miss everything. I'll miss you, Harry."
Harry turns away, "Oh."
Oliver looks down at his feet, "I knew it would end, it was inevitable. Sometimes it feels like it never even started." Oliver sounds bitter, even though he tried his best not too.
Harry closes his eyes, "I never knew what you wanted from me."
"I know that," Oliver says and he slouches into his seat. He's frustrated and he wishes Harry had never come down to see him. He wishes they could just skip the argument that will no doubt ensue.
"I like you, Oliver. I know that now. It's just different for me... everyone watches me. People are always after me. You don't know what it's like." Harry is getting frustrated too.
"I know I don't know what it's like. I tried not to push you; this is just how I feel. It shouldn't matter now anyway, I'm leaving and we won't see each other anymore."
"This isn't how you want it to end, is it?"
Oliver gives Harry a disbelieving stare, "Is this how you wanted it to end?"
Harry smiles softly, "I never thought it would."
"What did you think was going to happen after I graduated? You live in Surrey with your aunt and uncle. I don't even live in the same country."
Harry sighs, "I know that. I just never thought about it."
It's silent and Oliver starts to wonder if Harry will miss him. He feels silly asking, but he has to know: "Harry, will you miss me?"
Harry blushes, "Yes. A lot."
Oliver puts his arm around Harry's shoulders and kisses his cheek. They sit in silence for a while. This will probably be the last time they will be together like this, and they both want to enjoy it.
"I want to tell you something, Oliver."
"OK."
"I want to tell you what really happened the other night..." Harry starts to tell Oliver about going to Hagrid's hut and Buckbeak's execution. He tells him about Sirius pulling Ron under the whomping willow and how he and Hermione followed. He tells him Sirius's story. He tells him everything that happened that night because he feels he needs to. Harry wants to show Oliver that he thinks Oliver is trustworthy enough to know Harry's secrets.
Oliver doesn't say anything for a moment after Harry had finished speaking, finally he said, "You're very brave, Harry."
Oliver pulls Harry close to him and they sit and stare out the windows to the night sky outside.
"I don't want you to go, Oliver."
"I don't want to go either, Harry."
epilogue: sixth year
Two bodies stumble into a broom closet after dark. One has black hair, the other blonde. They're holding each other tightly as their lips lock once more.
The brown hair boy moans as he pulls away, "Stop."
The other boy pants as he pulls away, "Why?"
"I can't do this."
The blonde boy bangs his fist against the wall, "What's wrong this time, Harry?"
Harry looks away from the boy, "Nothing's wrong, I just can't."
"Fuck!" He hits the wall again; "It's the same fucking thing every time. If you're so fucking repulsed by me why the fuck are we even together?"
Harry shrugs and the other boy storms out of the closet, slamming the door behind him. Harry slides down the wall and sits with his knees up against his chest. He feels like crying because he really wanted it to work this time. It just never feels right, he always thinks about Oliver. He always wants Oliver.
THE END