Author's Notes: LoL! You guys are great! :o) In answer to some questions: I wish I could take credit for the "Very Secret Diaries" series! They're hilarious! But...I can't. I got the idea for this from a book my mom bought me called "Wurst Case Scenario", and of course from Winston and Henry. I'm definitely going to do Tea's duel with Mai, although I don't remember much from it (I was laughing pretty hard when I saw it. I mean, come on; 'Shining Friendship!' Gah!) To avoid any confusion, a 'kaibo' is an outhouse, whereas a Kaiba is a master duelist.



Day Sixteen.....ish



Am so...tired now. Can sunlight make one tired? Can it make a ghost tired?

Am I really a ghost? Really dead? What time is it? What is time, for that matter? Not matter, or energy, or....

TIME IS LIKE ME!

I'm depressed now. Wonderful.



Later:

Yugi had a nice little flashback of when he met Tea. Reminded me of when I saved her; felt much better when remembered my awesome power. (Awesome meaning 'inspiring awe', and not the slang term, thank you very much.)

Got bored with them gaping at each other, so went back to sleep, until I remembered how many stairs there are between us and Peggy's castle. AAAGH! Only the Pyramids are worse, and I've never even climbed on my grandfathers' tombs, so it's not really worse for me, thus making THIS the worst climb I've ever seen!

Will let Yugi do the hiking. Hah! No, no, don't tap into me little one, do it yourself. I SAID STOP!

There. He's climbing now. Feel more in control now, too.



A long climb later:

Kaiba. Is. Here.

How annoying can one man get? Won't let us into the castle. He wants a rematch; I'll give him one. Stupid...moronic....dung-beetle-headed.....man. (Should use powers instead of insults. Good thing said nothing out loud; still look suave to present onlookers.)

Have had a few 'insights' into the life of Kaiba. For one thing, what in all that exists under Ra is he doing playing Duel Monsters? If I were as tall and lurpish as him, I wouldn't waste my time with cards (also assuming if was as tall as him, would be ignorant to dangers of Duel Monsters). I'd go play basketball. He's taller than the backboard! Some people just fall into the wrong career.

Secondly, what is with his coat? Is it a coat? Seems familiar somehow. ...Ah! Hoop skirt, from the 1890's! Yes, or was it called a bustle? Hahahahaha!! He's wearing a half-skirt! Deduction: Kaiba is insecure about his butt.

Awwwww....that's so cute! He's got a locket! Shaped like a card! I bet it's a picture of him having Christmas with his Blue Eyes White Dragons. Am so glad have better life than him, and I live in a necklace.

He's...challenging Yugi. Oh yay!!! Will take over now, as Yugi is thinking of backing down after being called a coward. Honestly, kid, show some self respect. For me. I have to live in this body, too, you know. Think Yugi is selfish.

Am very annoyed with Seto now. Will quote favorite song, as it applies to him:

"One, by one, we're having some fun, at the Kaibo, All day, and all through the night, at the Kaibo!

Two, by two we're rolling in poo, at the Kaibo, All day, and all through the night, at the Kaibo!" There is more, eight more verses in fact, but think the second verse applies most to this situation. Am certain any person who manages to pry journal from my smooth, dead fingers will understand. Hopefully. Have seen so much lack of intelligence lately, I begin to wonder.

Have noticed Kaibo's hair seems to grow and shrink, depending on his confidence/arrogance level. Suppose, if he ever manages to beat me, it will shoot down past his knees. So far: is down past his nose. When Yugi threatened not to duel him, was up between his eyebrows. Deduction: He thinks he can beat me. HE thinks he can beat ME. Must allow only small laugh; otherwise, will look like buffoon. Not that anyone would notice, I guess, as I'm not the one who looks like a bad Elvis impersonator trapped in a broken hula skirt.

Ohhhhh no..........Not again......not a Blue Eyes.....GAH! THREE OF THEM! TOGETHER!

Wish I was not Pharaoh. If I was a normal Joe Shmuck, would be able to curl up in fetal position and whimper like a whipped puppy. Er, kitty...cat. Joey is a puppy. Great, now my eye is twitching.

Ok. Draw a card....unclose my eyes.....YES! YES YES YES! A COTTON BALL! ...Named Kuriboh! Take this, Kaibo!

AHA! Now to shake him up: will tell him my Living Arrow/Mammoth-Graveyard Polymerization combo.

.......Er, don't think he got it. Will repeat it. There. Now, to wait, wait, wait some more....and then attack, beat him, and go rescue Grampa. Mr. Motoh I mean.

Am disgusted now; had smidgen of respect for Kaibo-Kaiba, but now? His eyes got tiny and insane looking, and he DIDN'T PUT BLUE EYES IN DEFENSE MODE! Oh well. Will destroy him now. Yawn.

...Wait! Was listening to Kaiba's insane, sick, twisted mind: and....

He sees dead people.

WHICH MEANS THAT I REALLY AM A GHOST, BECAUSE HE SAW ME!

Also, his inner child beats him up. Or would like to. Think that is very funny; as immortal son of Ra, I have no inner child. Unless you want to count Yugi, which I do not.

But whatever, back to the duel.

What's he doing? Committing suicide? He thought that would stop me in my tracks! Oh, mercy! Does he not realize that, however much I don't want (most) people to have a painful death unless inflicted by me, killing himself would really do me a favor, as then I wouldn't be kept up at night imagining ways to kill him?

So here's what I said: "Don't tempt me!", etc, "Go, Celtic Guardian, attack!"



Yugi STOPPED me.

Kaiba beat me. Beat Yugi.

And Yugi says he's scared of me; so scared, he'll never duel again. Well, okay, LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR! That lying little...ungrateful....soft-spined maggot. If Yugi didn't have such a strangle hold on me right now, I'd be pushing Kaiba off this rooftop!

What do I have to do to be good enough for these morons anyway? Do I really care what they think?

.....Pains me to say it......Care what Yugi thinks.....Or I did, up until today when he tried to turn into a hero and ended up losing all my work. So degrading; I've never, ever, ever been beaten. Ever. Not in battle, not in games, not in war, not in-

Tea is yelling at Kaibo...! She says that while Kaibo won a 'lousy' game, Yugi has friends. Yugi has a heart.

Sniffle, me too...sure, it may not work anymore, being dead, and according to Yugi it's a shriveled black raisin, but it's still there...