Second-hand Emotion   

Chapter 1: Unsanitary Measures

Disclaimer: Yes I forgot this on my first chapter but didn't feel like going back and adding it. Obviously I don't own the show or any characters in it.

Song Featured:

Too far Gone – The All-American Rejects

Now we're too far gone,
Hope is such a waste
Every breath you take you give
me the burdens bitter taste

It's been a week, and Seth's locked himself in his room. He's trying something new where the ending does not include him melting at Summer's feet. So he's held himself captive. It stifles the urges. Really, what does he have to complain about? He's no longer friendless, he's never broken any major body part, he's healthy, in decent shape. Seth's had money all his life; he's not on the streets begging for change. And yet, none of it seems enough… until he makes it.

One day Summer will be a passing memory. A high school crush, something he will be able to smile upon memory, while he's sailing the world.

He thinks these thoughts over and over again, trying to make them fit into his existence now. Seth's trying to block out Summer's quips, always at the expense of him. They dig through his skin burrowing themselves inside of him until they become a piece of him.

His resolution still stands from last week. Faded at the edges but it gives him confidence. He won't be her knight and shining armor if she doesn't want him there. And she's obviously made it clear that she does not.

The confidence feels foreign to him, obviously it would. He isn't sure how it came in the first place, but doesn't feel compelled to figure it out. He's worried it might suddenly go away. And now he's worried about his sanity since he's just given personification to emotions.  

Leaning against his headboard, the remote finally drops from his hand. Seth's been holed up for too long he decides after he settling for the opening hour of the Golden Girls marathon. He has a soft spot for Rose Nylund; although it's not something he wants known.

He clicks the television off anxious (mostly from the cause of boredom) to try his new found assurance. Trying to flag down Ryan is another story. Seth decides Ryan's probably off trying out his new tentative-whatever-they-call-it relationship with Marissa. It's basically the one where both of them deny their feelings until they screw themselves over. Or each other… it's either one.    

Realization hits him when he sees that it's one o'clock in the afternoon. Ryan's at work. He shoves off the bed and rummages through his haphazard closet. After a few minutes of frantic digging, his right hand finally grips the edge of his skateboard and cups his mouth as he yawns. Standing up, Seth decides to skate down to the pier wanting fresh air after a week of stale air conditioning.

*

All week long Summer's been out. Out of her house, out of Marissa's house- where she spends more time than her own, and out of her usual party scene. Wanting new excitement, she's explored other clubs, other people. Marissa's been AWOL, probably periodically sneaking out to visit Ryan. Summer sometimes wishes she could let herself go through frail emotions like Marissa. Having something to believe in- even when doubt clouds the perception- feeling safe, loved even. But then she remembers the pain involved and vows to stay emotionless.

She's now in the bathroom staring at her reflection while applying eye shadow. Next comes the mascara; as she brushes it on, she's narrowing her choices for lunch. Summer's in a rare mood, feeling the need to be alone so she doesn't bother leaving a message on Marissa's voice mail.

She finally tosses the mascara wand aside and efficiently strides to the front door, throwing misplaced items into her purse as she passes them.

*

Her feet take her to a little restaurant on the side of the boardwalk. She quickly steps in, scanning the menu as she waits in line. After placing her order, Summer turns around to take in the place, looking for a seat, preferably one by a window.

Finally settling into an empty booth, she finds the occupant of the one in front of her is none other then Seth Cohen. His back is to her, a benefit; she thinks idly hearing her number called and anticipates him turning around with some lame line. Her hand flips through an old Cosmo as she eats. Finishing her meal twenty minutes later, she realizes he hasn't even snuck glances nonetheless come up to talk to her. He's seriously taking his time.

She quickly shakes her head, both physically and mentally, ridding herself of thoughts. She decides to leave, obviously, since she's finished her meal. Walking by, Summer feels composed, or at least pretends to be. Hearing no sudden movements behind her she stands in shock. Her hand rests on the door a moment too long to pass as a quick exit. 

Muttering obscenities all the way she detours on her way out back to Seth's booth.

"Are you blind?" She's sounding almost agitated.

Seth finally raises his head, taking her in, silently. "Well, the fact that I'm staring at you, Summer, and know who you are, I take it my sight's pretty well intact."

Summer stands, perplexed. "Well, I mean, I passed you and you didn't even stammer out a hello. That means that you must be blind or in a grave condition." 

Seth snorts, his mouth curving into a half-smile. "Excuse me, o great one. I'm sorry I didn't have the chance to worship the ground you walk on." His response comes out biting but the look on his face contradicts the tone.

Summer feels the heat rising from her lower body, a feeling she's long forgotten ever since that fateful day she had to read her poem in front of the class. "Well I was just saying," she snaps. "It's just… different." Various fragments of her give way as the dawning realization makes its way in. He doesn't like her anymore; he would no longer follow her around, pleading for attention.

She's never let on about her feelings about his infatuation with her, dismissing it as she had any other petty admirer. Though Seth Cohen is was definitely a contrast from her other admirers. She somehow knew he wasn't the type of guy to forget she ever existed the next night. She also has a feeling it would take monstrous drawbacks to sway his attention… and she finally crossed that line. Summer bends down whispering, "Follow me."

*

She leads the way to the women's bathroom, knowing it would shake him. Luckily the lavatory is surprisingly empty. Seth stands, feet apart, hands stuffed in his front pockets as he waits for her to turn around. Summer takes her time, slowly turning the lock sideways until she hears the click. 

Summer runs her fingers slowly down his arm, trying for a reaction.

His eyes merely grow wide, but without flinching, he enfolds his hand over hers and gently removes it from his arm.

Her eyebrows rise in half disbelief, half amusement. He finally grows a backbone, at least part of one. She lets a thin smile flit through her lips. "I'm impressed."

His eyes open in mock disbelief. "Imagine my surprise when I realize I don't care."

Seth's shaking inside, but hiding it well. He's trying not to think, therefore he won't feel. He won't feel her fingertips slowly sliding down the path of his arm. He's not aware that her eyes are staring straight at him with no signs of her retreating and leaving him stranded in the middle of the room.

If he had been allowed to be something other than numb… these facts would kill him.

"Well," she starts out smiling brightly, "aren't we just a tad bit cocky?"

Seth's beginning to falter. There's only so much time you can spend with Summer before wanting to … kiss her. And he's definitely feeling the effects. However, he quickly masks his concern and retorts, "You should know, you've possessed it all your life," while trying to find a way out without actually having to barrel through her.

Summer's feeling a little more than frustrated. Doubt is starting to weave itself into her convictions and she's still standing here, growing a little more insecure. It's been more than five minutes in this f*cking conversation with him and she hasn't had the chance to turn him down once.

Surprisingly, she stops him from leaving, resting her palms on his chest. "Nuh-uh-uh," she breathes her voice soft, a tone he's never heard from her.

She slowly wraps each arm around his shoulders, letting them loosely intertwine behind his back. Summer closes the distance between them taking even steps until her body is pressed against his. She can hear the short intake of his breaths when she starts to run her fingers through his disobedient, short curls.

Their eyes meet, his eyes are flickering with doubt whereas hers are starting to regain the dauntless look she's always possessed around him, at least before today.

Seth leans in, falling into her it seems. There is no rejection this time. Her eyes close when she feels his mouth on hers and she is trapped, unable to resist. The awful elevator music present in the bathroom fades in and out, neither one of them seems to be complaining. Their hands grip tightly onto each other's as he pushes her back against the bathroom door.

Her usual disgust with public places is displaced at the back of her mind when she feels his tongue seeking contact with her own. Summer's mouth automatically opens but this time, not to a stranger…