INT. AIRPORT WAITING ROOM - NIGHT
Sitting on the padded chair in the waiting room were two girls, reading magazines and crunching down SpongeToffee Surprise. BREE is the smaller one, full of freckles, auburn hair not quite past her shoulders, with distinctive turtle earrings, loud-colored T-shirt, and annoyingly loud Michelle Branch bursting through her headphones.
To the left, KYLAH has smaller build, good two-inches shorter than her companion, yet a year older. They both appear to have the same personality, at least from their taste in fashion. This sports purple hand-painted pants and a black T that reads "Where in time is Carmen Sandiego?"
KYLAH: I've got to hand it to you. You sure picked a great vacation spot!
BREE: Thanks, Kylah! Who would have thought that I would have enough money to travel to New York AND Paris? After all, I have no job, my siblings are in university and my parents don't exactly spoil me rotten!
KYLAH: I don't know, Bree. Must have been God's way of setting it up so little explanation was required for the set-up to this poor-plotted story.
BREE: Religion is great. Jesus is born, I get presents. Jesus dies, I get chocolate.
KYLAH: Hmm. Never thought of it that way!
BREE: You must have been too busy wondering why I didn't bring any other friends on this trip. It's been bugging me!
ENTER ALEX'S FRENCH CLASS AND THE UNFORGETABLE MR. MURNEAU!
MR. MURNEAU: Les etudients! Attender s'il vous plait!
CUT TO: BREE+KYLAH'S POV - ALEX AND TOD
BREE: Holy shit! Devon Sawa's on this flight!
KYLAH: (suspicious) With Chad Donella? In the same obnoxious grey shirt? I hate to alarm you, but it looks like we've wandered into the world of Final Destination!
BREE: No shit! There's Amanda Detmer and Kristen Cloke! Omigod--it's Seann Scott! Seann! Over here, Seann!
Billy/Seann continues to walk around and not even glance at them.
BREE: (trying again) Billy!
Sure enough, the boy turns around. Unfortunately, Bree can't think of anything to say. He looks at them strangely and turns back around.
KYLAH: (reasonable--for once) Let's recap. We're in a movie, the actors... aren't actors, we're about to be forced onto a plane that's going to explode, and my diskman batteries are dead. What could have caused this?
BEAT - they think.
BREE: Maybe it was my homemade pixie sticks. I kind of don't remember much after eating them.
KYLAH: I always told you never to mix pixie sticks with Kool-Aid crystals! I told you! You've toyed with God! You've sent us to an early grave!
She begins choking Bree.
VOICE: (o.s.) Excuse me?
They turn to the voice. Reveal TINA, a tall young woman, mid-twenties. Her hair is dark blue and black. Her chocolate brown eyes are framed by funky glasses.
TINA: You looked as freaked out as I am. You must not be in the movie.
BREE (stands up): You too? You know we're living in a movie? Please don't tell me you mixed Pixie Sticks and Kool-Aid crystals!
TINA: (sheepish) I was curious.
BREE: Well, we'll be here for awhile. I'm Bree.
TINA: Tina.
BREE: Hmmmm. This is a long shot, but I'm really sick of writing, so I'll make it fast--are you LC277?
TINA: Yup. I guess if your name is Bree, you must be ScribbleDibble.
BREE: How'd you figure that out so fast?
TINA: I've seen pics on your site.
BREE: Finally, someone goes there!
TINA: Cool ass! I'm finally meeting ScribbleDibble!
BREE: Nice to meet you, but if we're gonna use nicknames, call me Curtis. This goes for anyone who comes into contact with me as well.
TINA: Why?
BREE: (whining oh-so-annoyingly) Because ScribbleDibble is too long a name! It makes my tongue hurt. Plus, the author is forced to press the SHIFT button twice which isn't exactly easy to remember to do when not preceeded by a space. Oh, and did I mention that I'm making a vain attempt to put Dharke in good spirits because she has the potential to be a serial killer?
TINA: Something always hinted to it, yes. (Beat, she looks over Bree's shoulder.)Who's that? ('that' meaning Kylah.)
BREE: That's Kylah. She's an author friend of mine.
TINA: From ff.net?
BREE: No, from the one-horse town where I live.
Kylah looks up, suddenly choking on tears.
KYLAH: Fanfiction.net broke my heart! Now my only material friend is this jar of jet-puffed marshmallow cream!
Uncomfortable Beat.
TINA: You know what I've always wanted to do?
BREE AND KYLAH: What?
Beat - close in on Tina's diabolically mischevious grin.
CUT TO - INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT
Tod and Alex leave the stalls. The three girls' feet dangle awkwardly below a stall door. The guys don't notice.
Alex and Tod, for reasons unknown, TAKE OFF THIER SHIRTS.
TOD: Dude, you have a tattoo!
ALEX: Dude, you too!
TOD: Really? What does it say?
ALEX: 'Sweet!' What does mine say?
TOD: 'Dead Man!' What about mine?
ALEX: 'Sweet!' What about mine!
TOD: 'Deeeeaaaad Maaaaan.' What does mine say?
ALEX: 'Sah-weeeet!' What about my tattoo!
TOD: 'Dead-fuckin-man!'
ALEX: Sweet!
TOD: Dead man!
P.A.: (v.o.) Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to commense pre-boarding Volée Air Flight 180 to Paris!
CUT TO: INT. AIRPORT - NIGHT
KYLAH: Well that was a waste, now all we know is that Alex and Tod have crappy tattoos.
No one pays attention.
Enter RACHEL, chestnut shoulder-length hair, about the same height as Bree. She has a backpack on her shoulders and is weilding a board with a nail in it. Her shirt says "Dharke - Yes, THAT Dharke. What are you looking at?" She speaks with a Brittish accent. Obnoxiously loud Eminem comes from her headphones.
RACHEL: Where's Clear Rivers?
Beat... they point somewhere.
RACHEL: Heh heh... I am so diabolically evil!
They think... then they realize...
TINA: You're Dharke, aren't you?
Rachel is suddenly suspicious.
RACHEL: Uh... yeah... and?
TINA: Well, let's not make this long and draggy so that a certain someone doesn't have to type out pages beyond pages of this crappy story. I'm Tina, but you know me as 277.
RACHEL: Really? 277? From fanfiction? You really use the nickname I gave you? Uh, I mean, it's really you? (Beat) Who are these two clowns?
TINA: THe midget is Kylah...
KYLAH: Hey!!
TINA: And the one with the mole is Curtis.
BREE: That's Bree to Hawk over here. And it's just a birthmark with hair.
EVERYONE: Ewwwwww...
Beat, Rachel gets an idea... She reaches her finger out, pointing at Bree's face...
RACHEL: Moley moley moley moley moley!
BREE (Whacks Rachel's hand away): Stop that! Do you know how often I get that?
KYLAH: Hey, we've got to work together if we want to rub elbows with these great characters.
RACHEL: Great characters? Alex laughs like Butthead from 'Beavis and Butthead' and has a fat nose! Tod has a really obnoxious haircut and sweater! Clear's teeth need their own area code! Billy's jaw is so incredibly mis-shaped it isn't funny!
BREE (mutters): Take it back...
RACHEL (cont'd): Carter and Terry--er, well, they're the 'beautiful people,' but that doesn't mean I can't hate the rest!
TINA: Whatever, Rachel, that doesn't mean we can't have a good time! Right, Sparky?
They all looked to Tina's left to see JACKIE, or Sparky, height-wise somewhere between Kylah and Rachel. Chin-length wavy dark blonde hair, with small freckles on her nose.
BREE: Sparky? Is it really you?
JACKIE: Yep! Call me Jackie.
They shake hands.
RACHEL: Oh, great. I hope we don't get followed by the 'others.'
JACKIE: You mean that crappy movie with Nicole Kidman?
RACHEL: No, uh, I mean the ones that never review or update, like SoraKamia, or Raven612. Let this be a huge hint to them.
JACKIE: If they show up, just ignore 'em. They can find happiness in the duty-free shop.
TINA: How are WE gonna find happiness, going on an exploding plane?
RACHEL: What am I, the answer man?
JACKIE: Whatever. Let's just go and keep the plot rolling!
CUT TO: INT. PLANE - ECONOMY CLASS CABIN
The high school class is excited, chattering, whilst the five authoresses sit boredly. KYLAH fiddles with a rubix cube. RACHEL blows spit-balls at various obnoxious characters. JACKIE, TINA, and BREE are people-watching.
Approaching their bank of seats are three good-looking guys, CHAD, BRENDAN, and DEVON--er, TOD, GEORGE, and ALEX, walking like idiots around the aisle. Alex spies Bree's cheek, holds his own hand as if fighting to point at her...
ALEX: MOOOOOOOLE! BLOODY MOLE! WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT THE MOLE BUT THERE'S A GIANT MOLE WINKING ME THERE IN THE FACE!
BREE is obviously FUMING. She winds back her fist...
TINA: Don't do it...
Bree WHACKS Alex in the face, resulting in an aisle brawl. She and Alex roll on the ground for a few suggestive moments until they are removed from the aircraft, with Billy and Ms. Lewton shoved out as well. Tod follows.
The remaining four look around, worried.
JACKIE: What do we do now?
TINA: Rachel, you'll have to take charge here.
RACHEL: Got it! (Beat, she prepares.) Okay... (suddenly loud) THIS PLANE'S GONNA EXPLODE!
CARTER and TERRY BOLT UP
CARTER: Shut up, uh... whatever your last name is.
RACHEL (whispering): Thompson.
CARTER: Haha! Thompson! Choo-choo!
TERRY (ignoring Carter): You're so not funny.
CARTER: Thompson! Thompson! Choo-choo!
TERRY: Ahem, Carter, I believe you're supposed to beat up on any character who has an independant thought...
CARTER (glances momentarily at Rachel) Don't be stupid, Ter, I'm not gonna hit a girl!
TERRY: You hit me yesterday.
CARTER (nervous chuckle) (patronizing kiddie voice): She doesn't know what she's saying! She's so sweepy!
RACHEL: Come on, Horton! This plane is going to explode! We're all gonna die and our faves are gonna melt off! Doesn't that irk you?
CARTER: Not particularily comming from you, I don't even know you!
RACHEL: Ugh... fine. My name is Rachel Caris Thompson--
CARTER: Choo choo!
RACHEL: I'm sixteen, I'm from England, I'm five foot five, this scar under my eye is from running into a shopping trolley, I consider myself laid back, and I'm just starting driving lessons. Good enough?
CARTER: Yup! (Begins pummeling Rachel)
They fight and are kicked off the plane. Terry, Tina, Jackie, and Kylah follow. Clear gets up and leaves.
INT. AIRPORT - WAITING ROOM
Ms. Lewton and Tod question Alex.
MS. LEWTON: Alex, tell me what happened.
ALEX: I... I saw it. And I don't know, it was so brown and hairy... I just had to poke it. It was so 3D and it just happened automatically!
CARTER: We get thrown off the plane and blow, what, half a day in Paris all because Browning has to quote Austin Powers?
CUT TO: Back of waiting room. Clear and the girls are sitting on the benches.
CLEAR: You guys aren't in this class--who the hell are you?
RACHEL: I'm your worst nightmare, Shivers, so I'd advise you to shut your hole.
CLEAR: What? How dare you talk to me like that? I'm a passive starving artist who never gets payed attention to! And it's Rivers, not Shivers!
RACHEL: I've had it up to here with you!
Rachel maddingly produces an alluminum bat from her backpack.
BREE: Where'dya get that?
RACHEL: Wal-Mart.
Rachel STRIKES Clear in the back of the head and she falls to the floor... she isn't done. She continues to hit Clear.
Meanwhile, Alex and Carter get into a brawl and the plane blows up. What? Skimpy on the details? Well you've seen the movie! Use your imagination!
All the while, Rachel is STILL BEATING CLEAR.
RACHEL: WHY WON'T YOU DIE, DAMMIT?!
BREE: She isn't even bleeding! Something must be wrong!
KYLAH: Uh, the plane just blew up. It's not her turn to die!
JACKIE (disgusted): And you two call yourselves obsessed.
CUT TO: INT. AIRPORT - THAT CREEPY WHITE ROOM
MS. LEWTON: Were there any survivors?
ALEX: STOP ASKING ME THAT!! Rachel is the one who had the premonition!!
They all look at Rachel, then back at Alex.
BILLY: I'm not gonna hate a woman! That's sexist, dude!
ALEX: But you hate Terry!
Beat - Billy's thinking of an explanation.
BILLY: Terry's rich and the head cheerleader. Lots of people are gonna hate her.
ALEX: So why me? Why not suspect... Tod?
They look at Tod, who is making that bleak puppy-dog-in-a-microwave face me makes as he grieves over George.
MS. LEWTON: His brother just died! We can't suspect him! He's been through terrible hardships!
TOD: Really? I can get away with anything? (beat) I'll be right back!
He leaves.
Bree cannot stand the silence any longer.
BREE: This one time, at band camp, there was this kid named Stuart, and we were on a nature hike, a-and they said no one would get hurt but Stuart got hurt and he had to be sent home!
BILLY: This all sounds familiar...
BREE: And this one time, at nand camp, I stuck a tuba in my--
TINA: ENOUGH!
RACHEL: SAY NO MORE!
JACKIE: YOU SICK FUCK!
Tod enters once again, with a, armfull of t-shirts, watches, sunglasses, and other items one would buy at an airport kiosk.
TOD: Check it out! I stole all this shit! And no one said anything 'cause they feel sorry for me!
No one says anything.
MS. LEWTON: So, are there any survivors?
ALEX: SHUT UP! ASK HAWKIE OVER THERE!
TOD: Alex, what will it take for you to just take the blame?
ALEX: Uh... one of those I Love New York T-Shits
TOD: Done.
Tod tosses Alex a t-shirt.
Beat
ALEX: You're looking at me as if I caused this.
Sitting on the padded chair in the waiting room were two girls, reading magazines and crunching down SpongeToffee Surprise. BREE is the smaller one, full of freckles, auburn hair not quite past her shoulders, with distinctive turtle earrings, loud-colored T-shirt, and annoyingly loud Michelle Branch bursting through her headphones.
To the left, KYLAH has smaller build, good two-inches shorter than her companion, yet a year older. They both appear to have the same personality, at least from their taste in fashion. This sports purple hand-painted pants and a black T that reads "Where in time is Carmen Sandiego?"
KYLAH: I've got to hand it to you. You sure picked a great vacation spot!
BREE: Thanks, Kylah! Who would have thought that I would have enough money to travel to New York AND Paris? After all, I have no job, my siblings are in university and my parents don't exactly spoil me rotten!
KYLAH: I don't know, Bree. Must have been God's way of setting it up so little explanation was required for the set-up to this poor-plotted story.
BREE: Religion is great. Jesus is born, I get presents. Jesus dies, I get chocolate.
KYLAH: Hmm. Never thought of it that way!
BREE: You must have been too busy wondering why I didn't bring any other friends on this trip. It's been bugging me!
ENTER ALEX'S FRENCH CLASS AND THE UNFORGETABLE MR. MURNEAU!
MR. MURNEAU: Les etudients! Attender s'il vous plait!
CUT TO: BREE+KYLAH'S POV - ALEX AND TOD
BREE: Holy shit! Devon Sawa's on this flight!
KYLAH: (suspicious) With Chad Donella? In the same obnoxious grey shirt? I hate to alarm you, but it looks like we've wandered into the world of Final Destination!
BREE: No shit! There's Amanda Detmer and Kristen Cloke! Omigod--it's Seann Scott! Seann! Over here, Seann!
Billy/Seann continues to walk around and not even glance at them.
BREE: (trying again) Billy!
Sure enough, the boy turns around. Unfortunately, Bree can't think of anything to say. He looks at them strangely and turns back around.
KYLAH: (reasonable--for once) Let's recap. We're in a movie, the actors... aren't actors, we're about to be forced onto a plane that's going to explode, and my diskman batteries are dead. What could have caused this?
BEAT - they think.
BREE: Maybe it was my homemade pixie sticks. I kind of don't remember much after eating them.
KYLAH: I always told you never to mix pixie sticks with Kool-Aid crystals! I told you! You've toyed with God! You've sent us to an early grave!
She begins choking Bree.
VOICE: (o.s.) Excuse me?
They turn to the voice. Reveal TINA, a tall young woman, mid-twenties. Her hair is dark blue and black. Her chocolate brown eyes are framed by funky glasses.
TINA: You looked as freaked out as I am. You must not be in the movie.
BREE (stands up): You too? You know we're living in a movie? Please don't tell me you mixed Pixie Sticks and Kool-Aid crystals!
TINA: (sheepish) I was curious.
BREE: Well, we'll be here for awhile. I'm Bree.
TINA: Tina.
BREE: Hmmmm. This is a long shot, but I'm really sick of writing, so I'll make it fast--are you LC277?
TINA: Yup. I guess if your name is Bree, you must be ScribbleDibble.
BREE: How'd you figure that out so fast?
TINA: I've seen pics on your site.
BREE: Finally, someone goes there!
TINA: Cool ass! I'm finally meeting ScribbleDibble!
BREE: Nice to meet you, but if we're gonna use nicknames, call me Curtis. This goes for anyone who comes into contact with me as well.
TINA: Why?
BREE: (whining oh-so-annoyingly) Because ScribbleDibble is too long a name! It makes my tongue hurt. Plus, the author is forced to press the SHIFT button twice which isn't exactly easy to remember to do when not preceeded by a space. Oh, and did I mention that I'm making a vain attempt to put Dharke in good spirits because she has the potential to be a serial killer?
TINA: Something always hinted to it, yes. (Beat, she looks over Bree's shoulder.)Who's that? ('that' meaning Kylah.)
BREE: That's Kylah. She's an author friend of mine.
TINA: From ff.net?
BREE: No, from the one-horse town where I live.
Kylah looks up, suddenly choking on tears.
KYLAH: Fanfiction.net broke my heart! Now my only material friend is this jar of jet-puffed marshmallow cream!
Uncomfortable Beat.
TINA: You know what I've always wanted to do?
BREE AND KYLAH: What?
Beat - close in on Tina's diabolically mischevious grin.
CUT TO - INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT
Tod and Alex leave the stalls. The three girls' feet dangle awkwardly below a stall door. The guys don't notice.
Alex and Tod, for reasons unknown, TAKE OFF THIER SHIRTS.
TOD: Dude, you have a tattoo!
ALEX: Dude, you too!
TOD: Really? What does it say?
ALEX: 'Sweet!' What does mine say?
TOD: 'Dead Man!' What about mine?
ALEX: 'Sweet!' What about mine!
TOD: 'Deeeeaaaad Maaaaan.' What does mine say?
ALEX: 'Sah-weeeet!' What about my tattoo!
TOD: 'Dead-fuckin-man!'
ALEX: Sweet!
TOD: Dead man!
P.A.: (v.o.) Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to commense pre-boarding Volée Air Flight 180 to Paris!
CUT TO: INT. AIRPORT - NIGHT
KYLAH: Well that was a waste, now all we know is that Alex and Tod have crappy tattoos.
No one pays attention.
Enter RACHEL, chestnut shoulder-length hair, about the same height as Bree. She has a backpack on her shoulders and is weilding a board with a nail in it. Her shirt says "Dharke - Yes, THAT Dharke. What are you looking at?" She speaks with a Brittish accent. Obnoxiously loud Eminem comes from her headphones.
RACHEL: Where's Clear Rivers?
Beat... they point somewhere.
RACHEL: Heh heh... I am so diabolically evil!
They think... then they realize...
TINA: You're Dharke, aren't you?
Rachel is suddenly suspicious.
RACHEL: Uh... yeah... and?
TINA: Well, let's not make this long and draggy so that a certain someone doesn't have to type out pages beyond pages of this crappy story. I'm Tina, but you know me as 277.
RACHEL: Really? 277? From fanfiction? You really use the nickname I gave you? Uh, I mean, it's really you? (Beat) Who are these two clowns?
TINA: THe midget is Kylah...
KYLAH: Hey!!
TINA: And the one with the mole is Curtis.
BREE: That's Bree to Hawk over here. And it's just a birthmark with hair.
EVERYONE: Ewwwwww...
Beat, Rachel gets an idea... She reaches her finger out, pointing at Bree's face...
RACHEL: Moley moley moley moley moley!
BREE (Whacks Rachel's hand away): Stop that! Do you know how often I get that?
KYLAH: Hey, we've got to work together if we want to rub elbows with these great characters.
RACHEL: Great characters? Alex laughs like Butthead from 'Beavis and Butthead' and has a fat nose! Tod has a really obnoxious haircut and sweater! Clear's teeth need their own area code! Billy's jaw is so incredibly mis-shaped it isn't funny!
BREE (mutters): Take it back...
RACHEL (cont'd): Carter and Terry--er, well, they're the 'beautiful people,' but that doesn't mean I can't hate the rest!
TINA: Whatever, Rachel, that doesn't mean we can't have a good time! Right, Sparky?
They all looked to Tina's left to see JACKIE, or Sparky, height-wise somewhere between Kylah and Rachel. Chin-length wavy dark blonde hair, with small freckles on her nose.
BREE: Sparky? Is it really you?
JACKIE: Yep! Call me Jackie.
They shake hands.
RACHEL: Oh, great. I hope we don't get followed by the 'others.'
JACKIE: You mean that crappy movie with Nicole Kidman?
RACHEL: No, uh, I mean the ones that never review or update, like SoraKamia, or Raven612. Let this be a huge hint to them.
JACKIE: If they show up, just ignore 'em. They can find happiness in the duty-free shop.
TINA: How are WE gonna find happiness, going on an exploding plane?
RACHEL: What am I, the answer man?
JACKIE: Whatever. Let's just go and keep the plot rolling!
CUT TO: INT. PLANE - ECONOMY CLASS CABIN
The high school class is excited, chattering, whilst the five authoresses sit boredly. KYLAH fiddles with a rubix cube. RACHEL blows spit-balls at various obnoxious characters. JACKIE, TINA, and BREE are people-watching.
Approaching their bank of seats are three good-looking guys, CHAD, BRENDAN, and DEVON--er, TOD, GEORGE, and ALEX, walking like idiots around the aisle. Alex spies Bree's cheek, holds his own hand as if fighting to point at her...
ALEX: MOOOOOOOLE! BLOODY MOLE! WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT THE MOLE BUT THERE'S A GIANT MOLE WINKING ME THERE IN THE FACE!
BREE is obviously FUMING. She winds back her fist...
TINA: Don't do it...
Bree WHACKS Alex in the face, resulting in an aisle brawl. She and Alex roll on the ground for a few suggestive moments until they are removed from the aircraft, with Billy and Ms. Lewton shoved out as well. Tod follows.
The remaining four look around, worried.
JACKIE: What do we do now?
TINA: Rachel, you'll have to take charge here.
RACHEL: Got it! (Beat, she prepares.) Okay... (suddenly loud) THIS PLANE'S GONNA EXPLODE!
CARTER and TERRY BOLT UP
CARTER: Shut up, uh... whatever your last name is.
RACHEL (whispering): Thompson.
CARTER: Haha! Thompson! Choo-choo!
TERRY (ignoring Carter): You're so not funny.
CARTER: Thompson! Thompson! Choo-choo!
TERRY: Ahem, Carter, I believe you're supposed to beat up on any character who has an independant thought...
CARTER (glances momentarily at Rachel) Don't be stupid, Ter, I'm not gonna hit a girl!
TERRY: You hit me yesterday.
CARTER (nervous chuckle) (patronizing kiddie voice): She doesn't know what she's saying! She's so sweepy!
RACHEL: Come on, Horton! This plane is going to explode! We're all gonna die and our faves are gonna melt off! Doesn't that irk you?
CARTER: Not particularily comming from you, I don't even know you!
RACHEL: Ugh... fine. My name is Rachel Caris Thompson--
CARTER: Choo choo!
RACHEL: I'm sixteen, I'm from England, I'm five foot five, this scar under my eye is from running into a shopping trolley, I consider myself laid back, and I'm just starting driving lessons. Good enough?
CARTER: Yup! (Begins pummeling Rachel)
They fight and are kicked off the plane. Terry, Tina, Jackie, and Kylah follow. Clear gets up and leaves.
INT. AIRPORT - WAITING ROOM
Ms. Lewton and Tod question Alex.
MS. LEWTON: Alex, tell me what happened.
ALEX: I... I saw it. And I don't know, it was so brown and hairy... I just had to poke it. It was so 3D and it just happened automatically!
CARTER: We get thrown off the plane and blow, what, half a day in Paris all because Browning has to quote Austin Powers?
CUT TO: Back of waiting room. Clear and the girls are sitting on the benches.
CLEAR: You guys aren't in this class--who the hell are you?
RACHEL: I'm your worst nightmare, Shivers, so I'd advise you to shut your hole.
CLEAR: What? How dare you talk to me like that? I'm a passive starving artist who never gets payed attention to! And it's Rivers, not Shivers!
RACHEL: I've had it up to here with you!
Rachel maddingly produces an alluminum bat from her backpack.
BREE: Where'dya get that?
RACHEL: Wal-Mart.
Rachel STRIKES Clear in the back of the head and she falls to the floor... she isn't done. She continues to hit Clear.
Meanwhile, Alex and Carter get into a brawl and the plane blows up. What? Skimpy on the details? Well you've seen the movie! Use your imagination!
All the while, Rachel is STILL BEATING CLEAR.
RACHEL: WHY WON'T YOU DIE, DAMMIT?!
BREE: She isn't even bleeding! Something must be wrong!
KYLAH: Uh, the plane just blew up. It's not her turn to die!
JACKIE (disgusted): And you two call yourselves obsessed.
CUT TO: INT. AIRPORT - THAT CREEPY WHITE ROOM
MS. LEWTON: Were there any survivors?
ALEX: STOP ASKING ME THAT!! Rachel is the one who had the premonition!!
They all look at Rachel, then back at Alex.
BILLY: I'm not gonna hate a woman! That's sexist, dude!
ALEX: But you hate Terry!
Beat - Billy's thinking of an explanation.
BILLY: Terry's rich and the head cheerleader. Lots of people are gonna hate her.
ALEX: So why me? Why not suspect... Tod?
They look at Tod, who is making that bleak puppy-dog-in-a-microwave face me makes as he grieves over George.
MS. LEWTON: His brother just died! We can't suspect him! He's been through terrible hardships!
TOD: Really? I can get away with anything? (beat) I'll be right back!
He leaves.
Bree cannot stand the silence any longer.
BREE: This one time, at band camp, there was this kid named Stuart, and we were on a nature hike, a-and they said no one would get hurt but Stuart got hurt and he had to be sent home!
BILLY: This all sounds familiar...
BREE: And this one time, at nand camp, I stuck a tuba in my--
TINA: ENOUGH!
RACHEL: SAY NO MORE!
JACKIE: YOU SICK FUCK!
Tod enters once again, with a, armfull of t-shirts, watches, sunglasses, and other items one would buy at an airport kiosk.
TOD: Check it out! I stole all this shit! And no one said anything 'cause they feel sorry for me!
No one says anything.
MS. LEWTON: So, are there any survivors?
ALEX: SHUT UP! ASK HAWKIE OVER THERE!
TOD: Alex, what will it take for you to just take the blame?
ALEX: Uh... one of those I Love New York T-Shits
TOD: Done.
Tod tosses Alex a t-shirt.
Beat
ALEX: You're looking at me as if I caused this.