Note: In case anyone was confused, Kylah IS an actual person, though it is quite hard to believe so. Her website adress is actually www.kylah.net, where you can find out more about her and see some of her art, which is amazing. Though it hasn't really been updated in a while.
PART TWO
Back in the creepy white room, the parents have arrived to console their young ones. The six girls have no one to comfort them.
Kylah looks at the potted tree in the room. From her eyes, we can tell she's hallucinating.
KYLAH(teary): Kelsey?
(Kelsey is her 12-year-old sister whom she loves dearly. I do as well, but in a creepier way.)
Kylah begins HUGGING the potted tree.
TINA: Ah, fuckles, what are we gonna do for the night? We have no money left!
CLEAR: Hey, I have an idea! I have a big empty house and I'm kinda lonely!
They look at her strangely.
JACKIE: Uh, didn't Rachel just attempt to beat you to death with a bat?
CLEAR: I'm forgiving.
TINA: Hey, I've been meaning to ask you. Are you eighteen, and the whole living alone thing happened recently, or were you just legally imancipated?
CLEAR: Oh, I'm an orphan owned by New Line Cinema.
TINA: But how did you get the money for the house?
CLEAR: Prostitution.
Tina nods.
CLEAR: Anyway, you can stay with me as long as you like!
RACHEL: No way! I'll sleep on the streets of Mount Aberham! Maybe I'll meet some nice drug dealers!
She storms out of the airport. Not one second later, she comes running back screaming.
RACHEL: There were opossums out there!
CUT TO: EXT. MOUNT ABERHAM STREETS - THE BROWNING'S CAR
Alex, Clear, and Tina ride in the back whilst the other four are huddled together on top of the car. Jackie is ready to fall off.
CUT TO: INT. THE BROWNING'S CAR
BARBARA: So, uh... Tina, how old did you say you were?
TINA (nervously): Uh... seventeen?
Beat - The parents are suspicious
TINA: ... And a half?
CUT TO: EXT. CLEAR'S HOUSE - DRIVEWAY
CLEAR: Thank you for the ride.
She gets out, followed by Tina. Jackie, Rachel, Bree, and Kylah jump awkwardly off the roof.
RACHEL: That was fun!
JACKIE: We got rained on.
RACHEL: But I met some whicked cool bees!
Pan out - Rachel is holding a nasty looking BEEHIVE.
JACKIE: Put that down!
RACHEL: They chose me!
CUT TO: INT. CLEAR'S HOUSE - KITCHEN
Clear puts down her backpack on the counter.
CLEAR: You can sleed wherever you want.
BREE: I call the fridge!
KYLAH: I get the couch!
TINA: I'll take the recliner!
JACKIE: I'll sleep on the counter!
Clear looks at Rachel, a glint of pitty in her eyes.
CLEAR: I don't wanna make you sleep on the floor.
RACHEL: I'm fine--
CLEAR: No, I'll sleep on the floor. You can have my bed!
RACHEL: I would prefer--
CLEAR (Getting Angry): I insist--you're going to sleep in my bed, or I'll shove my foot in your ass!
Close on Rachel - she is absoloutly terrified.
CUT TO: INT. CLEAR'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
Rachel is lying underneeth the covers. Clear is tucking her in. She pulls the last corner down and tucks it so tightly that Rachel appears to be suffocating.
CLEAR: Too tight?
RACHEL: Uh... uh...
CLEAR: Here.
She unticks her slightly.
CLEAR: Better?
RACHEL: Yeah.
CLEAR: Sweet dreams, Rachel. Nighty-night.
She leans over and kisses Rachel on the forehead.
RACHEL (Surprisingly calm): Clear? Do you have a bucket?
CLEAR: Yeah, sure (Pulls out bucket from beneath the bed) How about that? I keep buckets under my bed!
RACHEL: Thanks.
Clear leaves.
Rachel begins VOMITTING VIOLENTLY into the bucket.
CUT TO: INT. CLEAR'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Rachel tiptoes down the stairs, heading for the fridge.
CLEAR: Hey.
Jump! Haha, got you there! Clear is sitting on the counter, cradling a carton of Ben And Jerry's in her arms.
RACHEL: Oh. I didn't know you were here.
CLEAR: Well I am. Every now and then when I'm feeling low I like a little midnight snack.
RACHEL: I guess so. It's been a crazy night.
CLEAR: No doubt. Help yourself. I'm going lite tonight.
Clear goes to the oven, puts on a mit, and pulls out a CHRISTMAS HAM. She picks at it with a fork and puts some in her mouth. She chews thuroughly for a moment.
CLEAR: Hmm... needs more glaze.
She coats more glaze on the nearly varnished ham. Rachel, greatly disturbed, opens the fridge. Inside, she sees jars of preserves. She reads the labels on them. We briefly see the labels of four jars: "Grandma's beats," "Grandma's jam," "Grandma's cranberry's," "Grandma."
Rachel shrugs and takes the jam.
CLEAR: So, it's just the two of us...
She inches closer to Rachel on the counter.
RACHEL (Worried): The others will hear me if I scream!
CLEAR: Oh, Rachel, you're so tense, can I massage your shoulders?
Rachel yelps and spray's Clear's eyes with Fabreeze. Clear jumps back.
CLEAR: CHRIST IN A CRACKER! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She continutes to stumble around the kitchen with her hands over her eyes. Rachel quickly exits, then comes right back to snatch the jar of jam. She leaves again. Clear hits her head on the hot oven door and falls to the floor.
CLEAR: MOTHER OF GOD!
CUT TO: INT. CLEAR'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Middle-of-road alt. rock band, Bree's/Jackie's style, music that Kylah/Rachel probably cannot stand, plays in background. The gang eats cereal. Rachel has a book in front of her: 'SELF DEFENSE FOR DUMMIES.' Clear is not present.
JACKIE: This place is weird.
TINA: It's giving me the creeps.
JACKIE: It smells like pee.
TINA: I woke up next to a racoon.
JACKIE: And I'm beginning to think Clear's pets aren't the ONLY ones who use her litter box.
KYLAH: Oh, sorry.
RACHEL: Try being in my shoes last night--the little beaver dyke totally came onto me!
BREE: Didja return the favour? (Makes obscene licking motion teasingly at Rachel.)
RACHEL: Eugh--no!
KYLAH: Just tell her you're not ready for a relationship. She'll understand.
RACHEL(sighs): Kylah, when I need advice about a good Seinfeld episode, or how to get the resin out of my bong, I'll call you. But I'm not about to take psychological advice from someone who cannot spell psychological, or advice... or bong.
Enter Clear
CLEAR: Geeooood morning, earthlings!
Beat
CLEAR: I mean, uh, girls.
Tina clears her throat
CLEAR: Women.
Jackie brings her hand forward, motioning a point.
CLEAR: Uh, hippies.
Kylah raises her eyebrows as if saying 'what about me?'
CLEAR: Warlocks... how's everyone doing?
No one says anything. Rachel hides her face by her book.
RACHEL(to self): If I can't see her, she can't see me!
CLEAR: I'm up for a day of mourning followed by a relaxing evening at the movies. Who wants to come with?
They think.
JACKIE: Uh, Clear, we were kinda planning on doing our own things these next 39 days. You know, shop, drink coffee like yuppies, make fun of people, mourn, cheat death...
CLEAR: What was that last one?
JACKIE: Mourn.
CLEAR: Well... if you must...
CUT TO: INT. CLEAR'S HOUSE - FOYER - DAY
The five authors are putting on their shoes. Rachel walks away from the foyer.
RACHEL: I gotta go to the bathroom.
She makes her way to the bathroom through Clear's kitchen. Clear stops her halfway.
CLEAR: Rachel, I, uh... wanna talk about last night.
RACHEL: Please don't come within a 10 foot radius of me.
CLEAR: Look, I was delerious, and tired, and... uh... it won't happen again, mmkay?
RACHEL: Uh...
She looks at Clear, who is making such an incredibly pathetic face that she cannot refuse.
RACHEL: Sure.
Clear squeals like a girl in the 60s at a Beatles concert.
CLEAR: Yay! I know we're just gonna be the best of friends!
Rachel isn't very comforted by this...
RACHEL: Oh... kay...
MONTAGE: RACHEL AND CLEAR
BG MUSIC: THE ODD COUPLE THEME
(You know, the one that goes 'Ba-dap-ba-dap-ba-daaaaah, Bup-pa-dah Bup-pa-dahhhh dahhhhh.')
-Rachel is brushing her teeth. Clear takes a HUGE ASS toothbrush to do hers and spits a HUGE wad of spit into the sink. She leaves. Rachel frantically washes her hands.
-Everyone is digging into pieces of cake in the kitchen. Rachel looks content. She then looks at Clear, who licks her fingers and then, skipping washing her hands, picks up a whole bunch of cookies (each one individually) and dishes them out. Everyone, mainly Rachel, is revolted.
-Clear reads Rachel to sleep with an Arthur book.
-Clear, Rachel, and Kylah are lined up in the garage, painting. Kylah paints a chibbi version of Rachel. Clear paints an Andy Warhol-style portrait of Kylah. Rachel paints a picture of Clear with a knife in the side of her head.
-Clear chases Rachel down the hall with a feather, a giggly look on her face. Rachel has a slightly more terrified look.
-Rachel beats Clear with a hammer.
END MONTAGE
INT. CLEAR'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Clear is wearing the black dress she wears to the service. Jackie emerges from the bathroom wearing a black outfit. Most of the others soon follows from other places wearing black clothes.
CLEAR(Shouts up the stairs): Bree! The memorial service is in half an hour! Hurry up!
Bree comes out wearing colourful rainbow clothes.
BREE: You were outa black clothes so I took somethingh more my style.
CLEAR: What are you doing in my gay pride parade clothes?
PART TWO
Back in the creepy white room, the parents have arrived to console their young ones. The six girls have no one to comfort them.
Kylah looks at the potted tree in the room. From her eyes, we can tell she's hallucinating.
KYLAH(teary): Kelsey?
(Kelsey is her 12-year-old sister whom she loves dearly. I do as well, but in a creepier way.)
Kylah begins HUGGING the potted tree.
TINA: Ah, fuckles, what are we gonna do for the night? We have no money left!
CLEAR: Hey, I have an idea! I have a big empty house and I'm kinda lonely!
They look at her strangely.
JACKIE: Uh, didn't Rachel just attempt to beat you to death with a bat?
CLEAR: I'm forgiving.
TINA: Hey, I've been meaning to ask you. Are you eighteen, and the whole living alone thing happened recently, or were you just legally imancipated?
CLEAR: Oh, I'm an orphan owned by New Line Cinema.
TINA: But how did you get the money for the house?
CLEAR: Prostitution.
Tina nods.
CLEAR: Anyway, you can stay with me as long as you like!
RACHEL: No way! I'll sleep on the streets of Mount Aberham! Maybe I'll meet some nice drug dealers!
She storms out of the airport. Not one second later, she comes running back screaming.
RACHEL: There were opossums out there!
CUT TO: EXT. MOUNT ABERHAM STREETS - THE BROWNING'S CAR
Alex, Clear, and Tina ride in the back whilst the other four are huddled together on top of the car. Jackie is ready to fall off.
CUT TO: INT. THE BROWNING'S CAR
BARBARA: So, uh... Tina, how old did you say you were?
TINA (nervously): Uh... seventeen?
Beat - The parents are suspicious
TINA: ... And a half?
CUT TO: EXT. CLEAR'S HOUSE - DRIVEWAY
CLEAR: Thank you for the ride.
She gets out, followed by Tina. Jackie, Rachel, Bree, and Kylah jump awkwardly off the roof.
RACHEL: That was fun!
JACKIE: We got rained on.
RACHEL: But I met some whicked cool bees!
Pan out - Rachel is holding a nasty looking BEEHIVE.
JACKIE: Put that down!
RACHEL: They chose me!
CUT TO: INT. CLEAR'S HOUSE - KITCHEN
Clear puts down her backpack on the counter.
CLEAR: You can sleed wherever you want.
BREE: I call the fridge!
KYLAH: I get the couch!
TINA: I'll take the recliner!
JACKIE: I'll sleep on the counter!
Clear looks at Rachel, a glint of pitty in her eyes.
CLEAR: I don't wanna make you sleep on the floor.
RACHEL: I'm fine--
CLEAR: No, I'll sleep on the floor. You can have my bed!
RACHEL: I would prefer--
CLEAR (Getting Angry): I insist--you're going to sleep in my bed, or I'll shove my foot in your ass!
Close on Rachel - she is absoloutly terrified.
CUT TO: INT. CLEAR'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
Rachel is lying underneeth the covers. Clear is tucking her in. She pulls the last corner down and tucks it so tightly that Rachel appears to be suffocating.
CLEAR: Too tight?
RACHEL: Uh... uh...
CLEAR: Here.
She unticks her slightly.
CLEAR: Better?
RACHEL: Yeah.
CLEAR: Sweet dreams, Rachel. Nighty-night.
She leans over and kisses Rachel on the forehead.
RACHEL (Surprisingly calm): Clear? Do you have a bucket?
CLEAR: Yeah, sure (Pulls out bucket from beneath the bed) How about that? I keep buckets under my bed!
RACHEL: Thanks.
Clear leaves.
Rachel begins VOMITTING VIOLENTLY into the bucket.
CUT TO: INT. CLEAR'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Rachel tiptoes down the stairs, heading for the fridge.
CLEAR: Hey.
Jump! Haha, got you there! Clear is sitting on the counter, cradling a carton of Ben And Jerry's in her arms.
RACHEL: Oh. I didn't know you were here.
CLEAR: Well I am. Every now and then when I'm feeling low I like a little midnight snack.
RACHEL: I guess so. It's been a crazy night.
CLEAR: No doubt. Help yourself. I'm going lite tonight.
Clear goes to the oven, puts on a mit, and pulls out a CHRISTMAS HAM. She picks at it with a fork and puts some in her mouth. She chews thuroughly for a moment.
CLEAR: Hmm... needs more glaze.
She coats more glaze on the nearly varnished ham. Rachel, greatly disturbed, opens the fridge. Inside, she sees jars of preserves. She reads the labels on them. We briefly see the labels of four jars: "Grandma's beats," "Grandma's jam," "Grandma's cranberry's," "Grandma."
Rachel shrugs and takes the jam.
CLEAR: So, it's just the two of us...
She inches closer to Rachel on the counter.
RACHEL (Worried): The others will hear me if I scream!
CLEAR: Oh, Rachel, you're so tense, can I massage your shoulders?
Rachel yelps and spray's Clear's eyes with Fabreeze. Clear jumps back.
CLEAR: CHRIST IN A CRACKER! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She continutes to stumble around the kitchen with her hands over her eyes. Rachel quickly exits, then comes right back to snatch the jar of jam. She leaves again. Clear hits her head on the hot oven door and falls to the floor.
CLEAR: MOTHER OF GOD!
CUT TO: INT. CLEAR'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Middle-of-road alt. rock band, Bree's/Jackie's style, music that Kylah/Rachel probably cannot stand, plays in background. The gang eats cereal. Rachel has a book in front of her: 'SELF DEFENSE FOR DUMMIES.' Clear is not present.
JACKIE: This place is weird.
TINA: It's giving me the creeps.
JACKIE: It smells like pee.
TINA: I woke up next to a racoon.
JACKIE: And I'm beginning to think Clear's pets aren't the ONLY ones who use her litter box.
KYLAH: Oh, sorry.
RACHEL: Try being in my shoes last night--the little beaver dyke totally came onto me!
BREE: Didja return the favour? (Makes obscene licking motion teasingly at Rachel.)
RACHEL: Eugh--no!
KYLAH: Just tell her you're not ready for a relationship. She'll understand.
RACHEL(sighs): Kylah, when I need advice about a good Seinfeld episode, or how to get the resin out of my bong, I'll call you. But I'm not about to take psychological advice from someone who cannot spell psychological, or advice... or bong.
Enter Clear
CLEAR: Geeooood morning, earthlings!
Beat
CLEAR: I mean, uh, girls.
Tina clears her throat
CLEAR: Women.
Jackie brings her hand forward, motioning a point.
CLEAR: Uh, hippies.
Kylah raises her eyebrows as if saying 'what about me?'
CLEAR: Warlocks... how's everyone doing?
No one says anything. Rachel hides her face by her book.
RACHEL(to self): If I can't see her, she can't see me!
CLEAR: I'm up for a day of mourning followed by a relaxing evening at the movies. Who wants to come with?
They think.
JACKIE: Uh, Clear, we were kinda planning on doing our own things these next 39 days. You know, shop, drink coffee like yuppies, make fun of people, mourn, cheat death...
CLEAR: What was that last one?
JACKIE: Mourn.
CLEAR: Well... if you must...
CUT TO: INT. CLEAR'S HOUSE - FOYER - DAY
The five authors are putting on their shoes. Rachel walks away from the foyer.
RACHEL: I gotta go to the bathroom.
She makes her way to the bathroom through Clear's kitchen. Clear stops her halfway.
CLEAR: Rachel, I, uh... wanna talk about last night.
RACHEL: Please don't come within a 10 foot radius of me.
CLEAR: Look, I was delerious, and tired, and... uh... it won't happen again, mmkay?
RACHEL: Uh...
She looks at Clear, who is making such an incredibly pathetic face that she cannot refuse.
RACHEL: Sure.
Clear squeals like a girl in the 60s at a Beatles concert.
CLEAR: Yay! I know we're just gonna be the best of friends!
Rachel isn't very comforted by this...
RACHEL: Oh... kay...
MONTAGE: RACHEL AND CLEAR
BG MUSIC: THE ODD COUPLE THEME
(You know, the one that goes 'Ba-dap-ba-dap-ba-daaaaah, Bup-pa-dah Bup-pa-dahhhh dahhhhh.')
-Rachel is brushing her teeth. Clear takes a HUGE ASS toothbrush to do hers and spits a HUGE wad of spit into the sink. She leaves. Rachel frantically washes her hands.
-Everyone is digging into pieces of cake in the kitchen. Rachel looks content. She then looks at Clear, who licks her fingers and then, skipping washing her hands, picks up a whole bunch of cookies (each one individually) and dishes them out. Everyone, mainly Rachel, is revolted.
-Clear reads Rachel to sleep with an Arthur book.
-Clear, Rachel, and Kylah are lined up in the garage, painting. Kylah paints a chibbi version of Rachel. Clear paints an Andy Warhol-style portrait of Kylah. Rachel paints a picture of Clear with a knife in the side of her head.
-Clear chases Rachel down the hall with a feather, a giggly look on her face. Rachel has a slightly more terrified look.
-Rachel beats Clear with a hammer.
END MONTAGE
INT. CLEAR'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Clear is wearing the black dress she wears to the service. Jackie emerges from the bathroom wearing a black outfit. Most of the others soon follows from other places wearing black clothes.
CLEAR(Shouts up the stairs): Bree! The memorial service is in half an hour! Hurry up!
Bree comes out wearing colourful rainbow clothes.
BREE: You were outa black clothes so I took somethingh more my style.
CLEAR: What are you doing in my gay pride parade clothes?