Note: See Part 1 for all pertinent info and the disclaimer.



Part 7

Thursday, November 20, 2003
Angel Square Diner

Natalie sat across from Marcie at a booth in the back of the diner. "You know, everyone's been trying to keep me busy all week long. Trying to keep me too preoccupied to really think about things."

Marcie picked at her food, "I know how that goes."

"Monday was my one month anniversary. And today -- it's been one month since Cristian was murdered."

"You seem to be doing better."

Natalie looked thoughtful for a moment. "Can I trust you? I mean, you're not going to let any of our conversation slip out during one of your buddy sessions with Jen, are you?"

Marcie looked at her. A frowned crossed her features, "I would never tell anyone anything you don't want me too. I'm good at keeping secrets. And I'd never betray your confidence. You and I -- well, we're sort of friends -- right?"

She smiled a little, "Yeah, I guess we are."

"I won't tell Jen. Besides, I know that she wouldn't understand."

Natalie nodded and began playing with her napkin. She spoke softly, "Last week, after the memorial service…I kind of had a little bit of a breakdown. I just -- I lost it." She watched as Marcie's eyes widened with concern. She continued, "I don't even know how long I cried. I do know that I cried myself to sleep and that my mom had my Uncle Bo carry me up the stairs to my old room. Anyway, she told me the next morning that it had been a good thing. That in letting go of everything that I'd been holding in now I can really begin to cope with losing Cristian and heal."

Marcie smiled, "I think your mom's right. It is good that you got that out of your system. And hopefully now it will be easier to sort out your emotions."

"I hope so. I don't know." Natalie stopped fiddling with the napkin and sat back, "In a way, my head does feel clearer. My heart, everything inside, still hurts like hell though."

"You know, it's been two months since Al died and it still hurts me too. Al and I weren't even together as long as you and Cristian were." Marcie stared at the food left on her plate, "He was my first love. Sometimes I think that he'll be my only love. And I wonder if he'd want me to move on. To be with someone else."

"I can't even begin to consider or comprehend being with someone who's not Cristian. I know that he'd want me to be happy. But if the day ever comes that I fall in love again, with someone else, I think that he'd want me to embrace it. Just hold on and never let go."

"After everything you two went through to be together and all the time you spent apart? I don't doubt it. He wouldn't want you to go through that kind of pain again," Marcie said, shaking her head.

"Al wouldn't want that for you either."

Marcie smiled, "I know. Before he died, he started up this memory book for me. Me and Mrs. Medina found it when we were cleaning out his dorm room. He had it all planned out too. Our life together -- milestones. Places for a wedding picture and for one of our first child -- a girl. Named after me." Marcie sighed wistfully. "It's so hard to believe that that'll never happen now."

"Yeah," Natalie said, sounding morose as she resumed playing with the napkin, tearing off tiny strips.

"Are you sure? I don't mean to pry, but there could be a chance --"

Natalie looked at her, "I'm sure. No miracle baby or anything. It's okay though. In a way, I'm relieved. I know that I could raise a child by myself if I had to -- I was barely out of diapers when I had to take care of Rex when he was a baby. But having to raise a child without Cristian -- his child that, knowing my luck, would probably be the spitting image of him -- I don't know how I'd be able to handle that. Looking into that child's eyes and seeing him, knowing that he or she will never know what a wonderful man their father was. They would never know him. I'm not sure I could do that."

"Oh, Natalie, I'm so sorry."

She furrowed her brow in confusion, "What for?"

"You know, for thinking you were the bad guy, well, girl, last year. Helping Jen trick everyone into thinking that she was having Cristian's baby."

"Marcie, it's okay. You've already apologized for that and I've forgiven you. You didn't know what was really going on." Her words became bitter, "All you had were the lies that Jen fed you."

"But if I'd known that Cristian didn't love Jen as much as she loved him --"

"Jen didn't love Cristian," Natalie snapped. "She never loved him. If she had -- ever -- even just the tiniest bit -- she never would have tormented him the way she did." A few tears rolled down her cheeks, "She wouldn't have gone out and gotten pregnant by Al -- on purpose -- so that she could rope him into a shotgun wedding and trap him in what would have been a loveless sham of a marriage. She wouldn't have lied to him about the baby. But she did, even after she miscarried and after Cristian broke up with her, she still let him believe, she continued to tell him that they had lost a baby. And she denied Al the opportunity to openly celebrate the fact that he was going to be a father and then to mourn the death of his unborn child. Don't defend her or any of actions. Not to me, Marcie. And don't you dare say that anything she did was in the name of love because it wasn't. Everything she did was in the name of spite and hate and revenge." Natalie wiped her tears away and took a deep breath. Calmer, "She never loved him. And I don't believe that she deserves your friendship."

"Jen needs me," Marcie said quietly. "Everyone needs at least one friend, right? And I appeal to the good in her," Natalie snorted and Marcie gave her a look before continuing, "and there's a lot of good in her, it's just buried inside. Real deep. I know you don't get why I'm friends with Jen, especially after the way that she treated me last winter, but she has been there for me. Besides, she was the first real friend I made here in Llanview. The only one for while, actually. And…I think that I'm the only real friend she has right now."

"Well I tried and I got burned. I tried being nice to her and she just spit in my face so I gave up. I don't even bother. But I refuse to let her walk all over me; I can dish it as well as I can take it. And if she insists on goading me then so be it. She'll get hers."

"This is about what happened the other week at Ultra Violet, isn't it?"

"She had no right to say what she did."

"Well, I don't know for sure what she said but if it's gotten you this upset it couldn't have been good."

They were both quiet for a few moments.

Natalie groaned, "God, I am trying so hard to get through this -- all these feelings."

"Maybe we should change the subject?" Marcie suggested.

"Please."

"Do you think that the Music Box Killer is still in town?"

"I hope not."

"Yeah, me too. It's just so scary, you know?"

"Huh."

Marcie looked at her, "What?"

"There's some sicko out there killing women. It's just -- it is scary and it's horrible and I hope that the killer's caught soon -- but mostly so that John McBain will leave town. And I just realized how selfish and petty that is of me."

Marcie chuckled, "Ah. Michael's brother the FBI agent. I don't really know him but if they're anything alike, I can understand you wanting him to be anywhere you're not."

"What's up with you and Michael anyway? I've seen you two together quite a lot recently."

It was Marcie's turn to groan. "I saved his life. Big mistake on my part. It's like he feels beholden to me. And the guy just can't take no for an answer. If anything the guy is persistent -- I'll give him that. But he's pretty much a jerk. He has his moments when he seems like a decent human being. If he would just give me space, you know? Room to breathe. But he just smothers me."

"Must run in the family."

"You think so?"

Natalie nodded, "His brother seems to have one hell of a guilt complex. And he won't stop trying to make things better. He doesn't get that he can't. He did what he did. No matter how sorry he is -- it won't change anything. And it'd be so much easier for me to deal with things if he'd just back off and I've asked him to do so. I mean, he is making an effort to stay away from me but he's still around and we keep running into each other."

"You think he's looking for forgiveness?"

"I honestly don't know what he wants. But if it is forgiveness that he's after, well, it's going to be a long time coming. So what about Michael? He just wants to pay you back?"

"That and he claims to like me. I joined him for dinner one night and the guy thinks that we have some instant love connection. And it gets worse. The other week he actually blurted out that he loves me. And he keeps showing up everywhere I go. The police station, the university, Ultra Violet. At least you've been able to keep his brother at bay."

"Yeah, well, his brother's not hot for me like Michael is for you," Natalie teased, smiling. "I guess that's something to be grateful for."

"You so sure about that?" Marcie teased back.

"Don't go there, Marcie. Do not go there."

"What?" Marcie said innocently. "You said it yourself. You don't know what he wants. He could want you."

Natalie's jaw dropped. "Then he's just going to have to do without."

Marcie giggled.

She balled up what remained of her napkin and threw it at Marcie, "That's not funny."

Marcie ducked out of the way, "Yes it is."

"Is not."

"Is too."