Chapter 8
"So what do I have to do? Never been hypnotised before," said Spike.
"Clear your mind and concentrate on me," Lorne replied.
"Is this the bit where you produce a watch and chain and swing it back and forth in front of my face?" asked Spike.
Lorne smiled at him, shaking his head, he held up both hands.
"Just watch my fingers, I will count down from ten, by the time I get to one, you will be in a relaxing semi conscious sleep, but you will still be able to hear my voice," said Lorne.
"That's not gonna work, don't think our boy here learned to count," said Angel smugly.
"Angel, you have to be quiet otherwise you'll have to leave the room," said Lorne, slightly irritated.
Angel stared at Lorne; slightly open-mouthed silence at the idea he could be ordered from his own 'living quarters'
"Seems to have done the trick, now can we get on with it?" smirked Spike.
Lorne held up his hands again, looking at Spike intently, Fred watched the proceedings from the far side of the room; she chewed her bottom lip nervously.
"Ten..Nine..Eight..Seven." Lorne said
"I don't think it's working," said Spike.
"Shhhh! Six..Five..Four..Three," Lorne continued counting.
Spike let out a little yawn, his eyes were feeling heavy.
"Two.One," finished Lorne.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Lorne continued to look at Spike for a moment, he waved his hand in front of Spike's face, although his eyes were still open, he was unresponsive.
"He's under," said Lorne.
"How can you tell?" asked Wesley.
"Pleeease! I have done this before thank you," said Lorne.
"Well I for one would be happier if we knew for sure," said Angel.
Fred glanced at Angel in annoyance.
"Why must you always think the worst of him?" she asked.
"Force of habit, I'm afraid," shrugged Angel apologetically.
"Ok, before we really get to work, ask him something, and make it something that he might normally lie about," suggested Lorne.
"That leaves a lot of scope, but let me try," said Angel sardonically.
"Be nice," said Fred warningly.
"Okay, Spike what is your greatest realization, in your eyes?" asked Angel.
There was silence for a moment.
"Being thought worthy enough to bear the name champion," answered Spike.
"Yep, he's under alright, his normal response would be the future hope of one day giving me a really good ass kicking," smiled Angel.
"Well if that's wish number two, who says he hasn't lost the chance of it yet?" asked Wesley.
Gunn grinned at Wesley.
"Whose side are you on man?" asked Gunn.
"The side of right of course," replied Wesley, a wide smile on his face.
"What kinda things are you gonna ask him?" asked Fred.
"Some of them may be upsetting to him, they have to be deeply personal questions so that we can get to the root of his problem," said Lorne.
"And dig it out?" asked Angel
"Exactly, now lets see what we can discover about you blondie, for the record, tell us your name," asked Lorne, turning his attention back to Spike.
Spike's head turned from side to side restlessly in his seat, as if some inner struggle was taking place within him.
"Spike, no William..Spike!" he almost yelled.
"What is it, what's happening to him?" asked Fred in alarm.
"It's his demon and his soul, they are fighting against one another, this may be like carrying on a conversation with a person suffering from multiple personality disorder, didn't take that into account," sighed Lorne.
"What does that mean?" asked Angel.
"Multiple personalities, people with the condition, often hear voices in their heads, that's what's happening to Spike in a way, except his inner voices are real, not imagined," explained Lorne.
"How is that going to affect things?" asked Gunn.
"Not a lot, except for the fact, that you may get two different answers to each question," said Lorne.
"And to think I cancelled my hair appointment to watch this sideshow," grumbled Angel.
Lorne frowned at Angel and continued.
"Why do you think you were brought back and where were you for those missing days after you died?" asked Lorne.
"I was stuck in between worlds with William, guess the powers that be didn't know where to send me on account of the other," said Spike.
"The other?" asked Angel.
"William," answered Spike
"Spike, William, whatever, let's cut to the chase, why are you incorporeal?" asked Lorne.
"Because William the great poofter wants us to be, mummy's boy is afraid," answered Spike.
"What are you afraid of?" asked Lorne.
There was a pause before Spike answered. His voice was softer, more cultured than before.
"I don't want to go to hell, but I have done so many bad things, William is a bad man, maybe I, er we deserve to burn," sobbed Spike.
Tears started to fall down his face. Fred looked at him, her heart breaking at the sight, her hands curled into fists at the frustration at the feeling of helplessness that swamped her. Even if she could go to him, Fred knew her arms would just pass right through him. Spike's expression suddenly changed to one of anger.
"That's right cry like a little girl, all you're good for William, hell wouldn't want you anyway on the account of your halo," said Spike.
Angel watched Spike's continued inner struggle continue, his usual indifferent expression that he reserved for Spike, was replaced with a mild look of pity, for his one time companion. Spike started thrashing about wildly in his chair, cursing and shouting.
"Lorne, isn't there anything you can do to stop this?" asked Angel.
"He has to come to terms with himself, purify his inner self if there's any chance that this will achieve something, you have to remember Angel, he has had his soul a less time than you. He's still trying to come to terms with it all. Spike/William listen to me, why are you in spirit form, you're a phantom aren't you?" asked Lorne.
"No, not spirit, but not flesh either," said Spike.
"Then what is it?" asked Lorne.
"We're scared we are nothing, and so choose to remain as nothing, so that we don't have to find out if it's really true," said Spike.
"That's so sad," said Fred, her eyes filling with tears.
"Do you think he speaks for both his personas when he says that?" asked Wesley.
Lorne smiled.
"Looks like they finally agree on something, which is all for the good, Spike, why are you afraid you're nothing?" asked Lorne.
"Love..they never love Spike or William always leave him in the end, because he's not worth it, better to stay nothing and feel nothing, I was dragged from somewhere warm and safe, and given no choice in the matter, because the being who took my body wanted to better himself," said Spike.
"I'm right here Spike, I'm not going anywhere, I think you're worth something, you are a good man you just have to believe it," said Fred firmly, angry with the people from Spike's past, who had reduced him to this.
"Well now you are making some progress, what can you do to reverse his problem?" asked Gunn.
"While his subconscious is laid open to us like a book, I have to try plant suggestions in his head to reverse the damage," explained Lorne.
Angel shook his head.
"Spike always was one for the ladies, he was Drusilla's lap dog for over a century before turning his attentions to Buffy," said Angel.
"And that really get to you, doesn't it?" asked Fred.
"No," lied Angel.
Fred ignored Angel's quiet reply. Spike started tearing at his hair, his teeth bared as he morphed into his game face.
"Hate you! Hate you! Hate you!" yelled Spike.
"Who does he hate?" asked Gunn.
"At a guess, I'd say himself, I know how he feels, I feel it everyday," said Angel quietly.
"Do what ever it takes Lorne to bring him back to this reality," said Fred.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Is it always like that?" asked Wesley, looking at Angel.
Angel frowned.
"Is it always like what?"
"The inner struggle, between the demon and the soul?" asked Wesley.
"Always.. the good and the evil constantly doing battle against one another, it's all part of the plan of redemption, only through true suffering can I or should I say Spike and I, have any chance of being saved, guess they wanted captain peroxide a little early and that's why hell came a knocking for him," said Angel.
"I think that was probably more to do with his connection to the pendant than anything," Wesley replied.
"So what's the plan, after he becomes corporeal again, destroy the amulet?" asked Gunn.
"Yes, it should be safe to do so, we just have to take it to the nearest cemetery and destroy it and all should be well," said Wesley.
"Well that should go down well with the senior partners, destroying Wolfram and Hart property, but I guess it has to be done," sighed Angel.
All heads turned towards Spike, he was thrashing about in his chair again, groaning and arguing unintelligibly with himself. Fred went to him and knelt down by the side of his chair, itching to touch him, to somehow let him know, that he wasn't alone. She let out a little cry as Spike started to fade in and out of existence, like before.
"Lorne, do something, please," said Fred desperately.
Lorne looked at Fred.
"I don't know what to do, mind suggestion takes a while, I think we may only have minutes," said Lorne.
"What do you mean by minutes?" asked Angel.
"I can feel it, our boy here, is riding the big roller coaster to hell, and he's almost reached the end," said Lorne.
"No, I am not giving up on him!" cried Fred.
Gunn came up behind Fred, putting his arms around her, but she shook them off angrily.
"Spike, fight this! Damn you, I haven't come all this way just to lose you now, you saved me last night, you didn't have to, you took your one chance to be real again and gave it up for me," said Fred.
"Can't, hell wants me," mumbled Spike.
Tears were falling down Fred's face.
"But I want you more..you have to try Spike, I love you.." She begged.
Fred looked unseeing at the shocked faces around the room, she was past caring what the others thought of her.
"Lorne, wake him up, he may have more chance of beating this, if his defences are not so down," suggested Wesley.
Lorne counted up from one to ten quickly, snapping his finger at the end. Spike shuddered, his eyes seeing them all once more. His fading in and out had ceased; he turned to look at Fred.
"What happened? I had the strangest dream," said Spike.
"What did you see?" asked Lorne.
"I saw myself, him and the other one, the man and the demon, it wasn't pretty, then we had this big bust up, I tried to kick his ass, but he just kept laughing at me," said Spike, covering his face with his hands.
"Can't imagine it was, I know the true face of your demon Spike, you don't have to hide from me, I have seen Angel's," Fred told him.
"How?" asked Spike, lifting his head to look at her.
"It was in Pylea, I became my true demon visage, believe me Spike, Fred is definitely one of those rare people who likes, or even loves a person for what they are on the inside," said Angel.
"You'll have to tell me all about this Pylea, I keep hearing about sometime, that's if I have a sometime, did it work?" asked Spike looking at Lorne.
"I don't know, someone touch him," said Lorne looking at Fred.
Fred got up from her kneeling position, she put out a hand, slowly to touch him, her hand stayed and her fingers curled up.
"What is it love?" asked Spike.
"I'm scared," she admitted.
"Don't be," Spike encouraged.
"That's funny, coming from the man who is afraid to be a real boy," said Angel.
"What do you mean?" asked Spike.
"Never mind," mumbled Angel.
Fred took a deep breath and thrust her hand forward, almost expecting to encounter, the same coldness as before, she let out a little gasp. Fred looked up into Spike's face.
"I can feel you! You feel like cold rice pudding, but I can feel you! His molecules are reforming," she said excitedly.
TBC
"So what do I have to do? Never been hypnotised before," said Spike.
"Clear your mind and concentrate on me," Lorne replied.
"Is this the bit where you produce a watch and chain and swing it back and forth in front of my face?" asked Spike.
Lorne smiled at him, shaking his head, he held up both hands.
"Just watch my fingers, I will count down from ten, by the time I get to one, you will be in a relaxing semi conscious sleep, but you will still be able to hear my voice," said Lorne.
"That's not gonna work, don't think our boy here learned to count," said Angel smugly.
"Angel, you have to be quiet otherwise you'll have to leave the room," said Lorne, slightly irritated.
Angel stared at Lorne; slightly open-mouthed silence at the idea he could be ordered from his own 'living quarters'
"Seems to have done the trick, now can we get on with it?" smirked Spike.
Lorne held up his hands again, looking at Spike intently, Fred watched the proceedings from the far side of the room; she chewed her bottom lip nervously.
"Ten..Nine..Eight..Seven." Lorne said
"I don't think it's working," said Spike.
"Shhhh! Six..Five..Four..Three," Lorne continued counting.
Spike let out a little yawn, his eyes were feeling heavy.
"Two.One," finished Lorne.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Lorne continued to look at Spike for a moment, he waved his hand in front of Spike's face, although his eyes were still open, he was unresponsive.
"He's under," said Lorne.
"How can you tell?" asked Wesley.
"Pleeease! I have done this before thank you," said Lorne.
"Well I for one would be happier if we knew for sure," said Angel.
Fred glanced at Angel in annoyance.
"Why must you always think the worst of him?" she asked.
"Force of habit, I'm afraid," shrugged Angel apologetically.
"Ok, before we really get to work, ask him something, and make it something that he might normally lie about," suggested Lorne.
"That leaves a lot of scope, but let me try," said Angel sardonically.
"Be nice," said Fred warningly.
"Okay, Spike what is your greatest realization, in your eyes?" asked Angel.
There was silence for a moment.
"Being thought worthy enough to bear the name champion," answered Spike.
"Yep, he's under alright, his normal response would be the future hope of one day giving me a really good ass kicking," smiled Angel.
"Well if that's wish number two, who says he hasn't lost the chance of it yet?" asked Wesley.
Gunn grinned at Wesley.
"Whose side are you on man?" asked Gunn.
"The side of right of course," replied Wesley, a wide smile on his face.
"What kinda things are you gonna ask him?" asked Fred.
"Some of them may be upsetting to him, they have to be deeply personal questions so that we can get to the root of his problem," said Lorne.
"And dig it out?" asked Angel
"Exactly, now lets see what we can discover about you blondie, for the record, tell us your name," asked Lorne, turning his attention back to Spike.
Spike's head turned from side to side restlessly in his seat, as if some inner struggle was taking place within him.
"Spike, no William..Spike!" he almost yelled.
"What is it, what's happening to him?" asked Fred in alarm.
"It's his demon and his soul, they are fighting against one another, this may be like carrying on a conversation with a person suffering from multiple personality disorder, didn't take that into account," sighed Lorne.
"What does that mean?" asked Angel.
"Multiple personalities, people with the condition, often hear voices in their heads, that's what's happening to Spike in a way, except his inner voices are real, not imagined," explained Lorne.
"How is that going to affect things?" asked Gunn.
"Not a lot, except for the fact, that you may get two different answers to each question," said Lorne.
"And to think I cancelled my hair appointment to watch this sideshow," grumbled Angel.
Lorne frowned at Angel and continued.
"Why do you think you were brought back and where were you for those missing days after you died?" asked Lorne.
"I was stuck in between worlds with William, guess the powers that be didn't know where to send me on account of the other," said Spike.
"The other?" asked Angel.
"William," answered Spike
"Spike, William, whatever, let's cut to the chase, why are you incorporeal?" asked Lorne.
"Because William the great poofter wants us to be, mummy's boy is afraid," answered Spike.
"What are you afraid of?" asked Lorne.
There was a pause before Spike answered. His voice was softer, more cultured than before.
"I don't want to go to hell, but I have done so many bad things, William is a bad man, maybe I, er we deserve to burn," sobbed Spike.
Tears started to fall down his face. Fred looked at him, her heart breaking at the sight, her hands curled into fists at the frustration at the feeling of helplessness that swamped her. Even if she could go to him, Fred knew her arms would just pass right through him. Spike's expression suddenly changed to one of anger.
"That's right cry like a little girl, all you're good for William, hell wouldn't want you anyway on the account of your halo," said Spike.
Angel watched Spike's continued inner struggle continue, his usual indifferent expression that he reserved for Spike, was replaced with a mild look of pity, for his one time companion. Spike started thrashing about wildly in his chair, cursing and shouting.
"Lorne, isn't there anything you can do to stop this?" asked Angel.
"He has to come to terms with himself, purify his inner self if there's any chance that this will achieve something, you have to remember Angel, he has had his soul a less time than you. He's still trying to come to terms with it all. Spike/William listen to me, why are you in spirit form, you're a phantom aren't you?" asked Lorne.
"No, not spirit, but not flesh either," said Spike.
"Then what is it?" asked Lorne.
"We're scared we are nothing, and so choose to remain as nothing, so that we don't have to find out if it's really true," said Spike.
"That's so sad," said Fred, her eyes filling with tears.
"Do you think he speaks for both his personas when he says that?" asked Wesley.
Lorne smiled.
"Looks like they finally agree on something, which is all for the good, Spike, why are you afraid you're nothing?" asked Lorne.
"Love..they never love Spike or William always leave him in the end, because he's not worth it, better to stay nothing and feel nothing, I was dragged from somewhere warm and safe, and given no choice in the matter, because the being who took my body wanted to better himself," said Spike.
"I'm right here Spike, I'm not going anywhere, I think you're worth something, you are a good man you just have to believe it," said Fred firmly, angry with the people from Spike's past, who had reduced him to this.
"Well now you are making some progress, what can you do to reverse his problem?" asked Gunn.
"While his subconscious is laid open to us like a book, I have to try plant suggestions in his head to reverse the damage," explained Lorne.
Angel shook his head.
"Spike always was one for the ladies, he was Drusilla's lap dog for over a century before turning his attentions to Buffy," said Angel.
"And that really get to you, doesn't it?" asked Fred.
"No," lied Angel.
Fred ignored Angel's quiet reply. Spike started tearing at his hair, his teeth bared as he morphed into his game face.
"Hate you! Hate you! Hate you!" yelled Spike.
"Who does he hate?" asked Gunn.
"At a guess, I'd say himself, I know how he feels, I feel it everyday," said Angel quietly.
"Do what ever it takes Lorne to bring him back to this reality," said Fred.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Is it always like that?" asked Wesley, looking at Angel.
Angel frowned.
"Is it always like what?"
"The inner struggle, between the demon and the soul?" asked Wesley.
"Always.. the good and the evil constantly doing battle against one another, it's all part of the plan of redemption, only through true suffering can I or should I say Spike and I, have any chance of being saved, guess they wanted captain peroxide a little early and that's why hell came a knocking for him," said Angel.
"I think that was probably more to do with his connection to the pendant than anything," Wesley replied.
"So what's the plan, after he becomes corporeal again, destroy the amulet?" asked Gunn.
"Yes, it should be safe to do so, we just have to take it to the nearest cemetery and destroy it and all should be well," said Wesley.
"Well that should go down well with the senior partners, destroying Wolfram and Hart property, but I guess it has to be done," sighed Angel.
All heads turned towards Spike, he was thrashing about in his chair again, groaning and arguing unintelligibly with himself. Fred went to him and knelt down by the side of his chair, itching to touch him, to somehow let him know, that he wasn't alone. She let out a little cry as Spike started to fade in and out of existence, like before.
"Lorne, do something, please," said Fred desperately.
Lorne looked at Fred.
"I don't know what to do, mind suggestion takes a while, I think we may only have minutes," said Lorne.
"What do you mean by minutes?" asked Angel.
"I can feel it, our boy here, is riding the big roller coaster to hell, and he's almost reached the end," said Lorne.
"No, I am not giving up on him!" cried Fred.
Gunn came up behind Fred, putting his arms around her, but she shook them off angrily.
"Spike, fight this! Damn you, I haven't come all this way just to lose you now, you saved me last night, you didn't have to, you took your one chance to be real again and gave it up for me," said Fred.
"Can't, hell wants me," mumbled Spike.
Tears were falling down Fred's face.
"But I want you more..you have to try Spike, I love you.." She begged.
Fred looked unseeing at the shocked faces around the room, she was past caring what the others thought of her.
"Lorne, wake him up, he may have more chance of beating this, if his defences are not so down," suggested Wesley.
Lorne counted up from one to ten quickly, snapping his finger at the end. Spike shuddered, his eyes seeing them all once more. His fading in and out had ceased; he turned to look at Fred.
"What happened? I had the strangest dream," said Spike.
"What did you see?" asked Lorne.
"I saw myself, him and the other one, the man and the demon, it wasn't pretty, then we had this big bust up, I tried to kick his ass, but he just kept laughing at me," said Spike, covering his face with his hands.
"Can't imagine it was, I know the true face of your demon Spike, you don't have to hide from me, I have seen Angel's," Fred told him.
"How?" asked Spike, lifting his head to look at her.
"It was in Pylea, I became my true demon visage, believe me Spike, Fred is definitely one of those rare people who likes, or even loves a person for what they are on the inside," said Angel.
"You'll have to tell me all about this Pylea, I keep hearing about sometime, that's if I have a sometime, did it work?" asked Spike looking at Lorne.
"I don't know, someone touch him," said Lorne looking at Fred.
Fred got up from her kneeling position, she put out a hand, slowly to touch him, her hand stayed and her fingers curled up.
"What is it love?" asked Spike.
"I'm scared," she admitted.
"Don't be," Spike encouraged.
"That's funny, coming from the man who is afraid to be a real boy," said Angel.
"What do you mean?" asked Spike.
"Never mind," mumbled Angel.
Fred took a deep breath and thrust her hand forward, almost expecting to encounter, the same coldness as before, she let out a little gasp. Fred looked up into Spike's face.
"I can feel you! You feel like cold rice pudding, but I can feel you! His molecules are reforming," she said excitedly.
TBC