Chapter Four
As Dumbledore's speech drew to a close, he called up Remus to say a few words.
Remus cleared his throat and looked out at the crowd, his gaze stopping at Harry. "From the beginning of my school days," he began, "Sirius and have been best friends. Within our group, Sirius was always the one to cheer us up. He always had a joke to tell or a funny hex he'd invented, or something. After school, we'd drifted apart, but recently met up again three years ago." He stopped and Harry could see he was holding back tears. "I just wanted to say," Remus continued, rather choked up, "Goodbye Sirius. May the Marauders live on."
He stepped down and took his seat. He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes on the corner of his sleeve.
Dumbledore got back up. "Thank you Remus. I'd also like to ask one more person to say a few words, although he doesn't know it. Harry Potter?"
Harry froze for a second. They wanted him to say something? He had no idea what to say. Maybe if they would have said something to him before-he couldn't do this, not now.
Sirius would have wanted you to.
Harry shooed the voice out of his head and looked down. His feet had somehow carried him to the podium.
"Uh-" he began. "I didn't-I didn't know Sirius until three years ago." He swallowed. This was not going to be easy. There were much more people than there were in the DA and they were all older.
"And even then, I have to say I believed the papers. But I got to know his side of the story and everything, and.He not only became something like a father-figure to me, he was also my friend, someone I could always turn to when in need of advice..." Harry swallowed; his voice was beginning to shake.
"I miss him already and no one can take him place. Um, Thanks." Taking a deep breath, he sat back down. Remus gave him a reassuring smile.
"You did good," he whispered.
Harry shrugged. That speech had brought back a lot of memories. Of the first time Harry had met Sirius, of his warnings during the triwizard tournament.
Harry watched the dirt being magically shoveled on top of Sirius' casket in silence. He looked around. Hermione was sobbing into Ron's shoulder, Ginny and her mother were crying into each other's arms, and even Fred and George were a little weepy.
All the teachers and Order members had showed up. Moody and Kingsley were both blinking quite rapidly, Tonks had a few tears running down her cheeks, and McGonagall was sniffling a little bit.
Harry didn't know why he wasn't crying. Sure, he was certainly sad, Sirius was his godfather! But all he could manage was numbness. He really didn't feel anything.
"Come on Harry," Remus said softly at Harry's shoulder. This was hard for Remus; he was now the last real Marauder.
Harry got up from his chair, but didn't move towards the fireplace. He walked toward Sirius' grave.
"My parents are buried here, aren't they?" He whispered. He could see, but Remus nodded.
As if in a trance, he almost floated to the grave. Next to him was one headstone.
"Lily Marie Evans Potter and James Harold Potter. Soul mates, loving friends and parents. RIP"
The emptiness was filled with an immense sadness. Harry wanted to cry, to burst into tears and just be done with it all, but he just meandered over to the fireplace. He took some Floo Powder and went back to Number 12 Grimmauld Place.
Remus flooed in a few minuets later to find Harry running up the stairs. He took his time getting up there.
Hermione, Ron, and Ginny were walking down the hallway towards Harry's room, but Remus shooed them away. He entered himself to find Harry seated on the bed, his knees up to his chest and his face in his arms.
"Harry?" Remus asked cautiously. He approached him slowly incase there was a repeat of the morning.
Harry didn't say anything, but his shoulder's started shaking. Remus sat down next to him, putting an arm around the nearly 16-year-old.
Remus didn't say anything, but he rubbed Harry's shoulders gently. Harry looked up at Remus, his face tear stained.
He buried his head in Remus' shoulder, sobbing his heart out. "It's okay," Remus soothed. "It'll all be alright."
Apart from that, Remus really wasn't sure what to say. He knew what it was like to lose a close friend because of Voldemort; he'd lost enough of them.
A single tear ran down Remus' face too. He wasn't full out crying like Harry; he'd already done enough of that.
After a while, Harry's sobs stopped. He fell limp and Remus noticed he'd fallen asleep. Remus laid him back against the pillow and left the room, letting him sleep.
~*~*~*~*~
"Harry?" A voice asked softly. "Harry, dear, you have to wake up and eat something."
Harry's eyes fluttered open to see Mrs. Weasly standing over him. He sat up against his pillows.
"Ah, you're awake. Harry, come on downstairs."
Harry was momentarily confused. Where was he, and how did he get there? He could remember a cemetery.
And then it all came back, like his memory was on rewind. The relaxed mood he'd acquired from just waking up dissipated. He felt the emptiness that never left him alone. It was his fault Sirius had died. It was his fault his parents died. I was his fault everyone died.
He slumped further down on the bed, and crossed his arms. He looked up at the ceiling, blinking rather rapidly.
"Harry?" Mrs. Weasly questioned.
"I'm not hungry," Harry said to her. He felt sick. Why should he be eating? Sirius never could again. It wasn't fair.
"Nonsense!" Mrs. Weasly cried. "You hardly ate anything yesterday or the day before. You're skin and bones already." Her expression softened. "Harry, dear, I know you're distraught about this, but you've got to let people help you."
Help him? Harry didn't need any help being a ruthless killer, why should he need help with anything else? He didn't, and Harry was going to let everyone know that.
He glared at the witch and a few red sparks shot out of his ears. Damn this temper! He thought. Out loud, he hissed, "I don't need any one's help."
"Harry Potter, you stop that!" Mrs. Weasly scolded. "I know you're hurting, but that's no reason to be difficult!" She had her hands on her hips and was glaring at Harry almost as fiercely as he was glaring at her.
He was being difficult? Harry didn't think so. What could Mrs. Weasly do to him anyway? It wasn't like she could force him to do something he didn't want to. It was his choice to stop eating.
The walls began to crack again and the whole room started to shake. Not just the door, but the whole room.
"Harry, you're going to hurt yourself!" Mrs. Weasly shouted as a book fell off of the dresser. She threw up her hands and stomped away. Harry supposed she went to go get Remus before he knocked down the whole house.
Harry on the other hand, was glad he was being so destructive. The goblet he'd conjured fell to the floor with a clang.
The door flew open with a bang. "Harry, calm down!" Remus yelled. He ran into the room and had Harry by the shoulders.
Right next to him, Remus bellowed. "Harry, you're not the only one that lost someone!"
As Dumbledore's speech drew to a close, he called up Remus to say a few words.
Remus cleared his throat and looked out at the crowd, his gaze stopping at Harry. "From the beginning of my school days," he began, "Sirius and have been best friends. Within our group, Sirius was always the one to cheer us up. He always had a joke to tell or a funny hex he'd invented, or something. After school, we'd drifted apart, but recently met up again three years ago." He stopped and Harry could see he was holding back tears. "I just wanted to say," Remus continued, rather choked up, "Goodbye Sirius. May the Marauders live on."
He stepped down and took his seat. He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes on the corner of his sleeve.
Dumbledore got back up. "Thank you Remus. I'd also like to ask one more person to say a few words, although he doesn't know it. Harry Potter?"
Harry froze for a second. They wanted him to say something? He had no idea what to say. Maybe if they would have said something to him before-he couldn't do this, not now.
Sirius would have wanted you to.
Harry shooed the voice out of his head and looked down. His feet had somehow carried him to the podium.
"Uh-" he began. "I didn't-I didn't know Sirius until three years ago." He swallowed. This was not going to be easy. There were much more people than there were in the DA and they were all older.
"And even then, I have to say I believed the papers. But I got to know his side of the story and everything, and.He not only became something like a father-figure to me, he was also my friend, someone I could always turn to when in need of advice..." Harry swallowed; his voice was beginning to shake.
"I miss him already and no one can take him place. Um, Thanks." Taking a deep breath, he sat back down. Remus gave him a reassuring smile.
"You did good," he whispered.
Harry shrugged. That speech had brought back a lot of memories. Of the first time Harry had met Sirius, of his warnings during the triwizard tournament.
Harry watched the dirt being magically shoveled on top of Sirius' casket in silence. He looked around. Hermione was sobbing into Ron's shoulder, Ginny and her mother were crying into each other's arms, and even Fred and George were a little weepy.
All the teachers and Order members had showed up. Moody and Kingsley were both blinking quite rapidly, Tonks had a few tears running down her cheeks, and McGonagall was sniffling a little bit.
Harry didn't know why he wasn't crying. Sure, he was certainly sad, Sirius was his godfather! But all he could manage was numbness. He really didn't feel anything.
"Come on Harry," Remus said softly at Harry's shoulder. This was hard for Remus; he was now the last real Marauder.
Harry got up from his chair, but didn't move towards the fireplace. He walked toward Sirius' grave.
"My parents are buried here, aren't they?" He whispered. He could see, but Remus nodded.
As if in a trance, he almost floated to the grave. Next to him was one headstone.
"Lily Marie Evans Potter and James Harold Potter. Soul mates, loving friends and parents. RIP"
The emptiness was filled with an immense sadness. Harry wanted to cry, to burst into tears and just be done with it all, but he just meandered over to the fireplace. He took some Floo Powder and went back to Number 12 Grimmauld Place.
Remus flooed in a few minuets later to find Harry running up the stairs. He took his time getting up there.
Hermione, Ron, and Ginny were walking down the hallway towards Harry's room, but Remus shooed them away. He entered himself to find Harry seated on the bed, his knees up to his chest and his face in his arms.
"Harry?" Remus asked cautiously. He approached him slowly incase there was a repeat of the morning.
Harry didn't say anything, but his shoulder's started shaking. Remus sat down next to him, putting an arm around the nearly 16-year-old.
Remus didn't say anything, but he rubbed Harry's shoulders gently. Harry looked up at Remus, his face tear stained.
He buried his head in Remus' shoulder, sobbing his heart out. "It's okay," Remus soothed. "It'll all be alright."
Apart from that, Remus really wasn't sure what to say. He knew what it was like to lose a close friend because of Voldemort; he'd lost enough of them.
A single tear ran down Remus' face too. He wasn't full out crying like Harry; he'd already done enough of that.
After a while, Harry's sobs stopped. He fell limp and Remus noticed he'd fallen asleep. Remus laid him back against the pillow and left the room, letting him sleep.
~*~*~*~*~
"Harry?" A voice asked softly. "Harry, dear, you have to wake up and eat something."
Harry's eyes fluttered open to see Mrs. Weasly standing over him. He sat up against his pillows.
"Ah, you're awake. Harry, come on downstairs."
Harry was momentarily confused. Where was he, and how did he get there? He could remember a cemetery.
And then it all came back, like his memory was on rewind. The relaxed mood he'd acquired from just waking up dissipated. He felt the emptiness that never left him alone. It was his fault Sirius had died. It was his fault his parents died. I was his fault everyone died.
He slumped further down on the bed, and crossed his arms. He looked up at the ceiling, blinking rather rapidly.
"Harry?" Mrs. Weasly questioned.
"I'm not hungry," Harry said to her. He felt sick. Why should he be eating? Sirius never could again. It wasn't fair.
"Nonsense!" Mrs. Weasly cried. "You hardly ate anything yesterday or the day before. You're skin and bones already." Her expression softened. "Harry, dear, I know you're distraught about this, but you've got to let people help you."
Help him? Harry didn't need any help being a ruthless killer, why should he need help with anything else? He didn't, and Harry was going to let everyone know that.
He glared at the witch and a few red sparks shot out of his ears. Damn this temper! He thought. Out loud, he hissed, "I don't need any one's help."
"Harry Potter, you stop that!" Mrs. Weasly scolded. "I know you're hurting, but that's no reason to be difficult!" She had her hands on her hips and was glaring at Harry almost as fiercely as he was glaring at her.
He was being difficult? Harry didn't think so. What could Mrs. Weasly do to him anyway? It wasn't like she could force him to do something he didn't want to. It was his choice to stop eating.
The walls began to crack again and the whole room started to shake. Not just the door, but the whole room.
"Harry, you're going to hurt yourself!" Mrs. Weasly shouted as a book fell off of the dresser. She threw up her hands and stomped away. Harry supposed she went to go get Remus before he knocked down the whole house.
Harry on the other hand, was glad he was being so destructive. The goblet he'd conjured fell to the floor with a clang.
The door flew open with a bang. "Harry, calm down!" Remus yelled. He ran into the room and had Harry by the shoulders.
Right next to him, Remus bellowed. "Harry, you're not the only one that lost someone!"