Chapter Five
"Harry, you're not the only one that lost someone!"
The effect of this statement shocked Harry to calmness. He blinked and his magic stopped. Harry just stared at Remus. He knew this all along, of course, but it never really hit home until now. He wasn't sure what to say to this, so he just kept quiet.
"Come downstairs." It was not a suggestion, but an order.
Harry considered this for a moment. Why should he eat when Sirius couldn't? In fact, Harry wasn't even hungry. He was feeling rather ill, and thought a nice nap sounded good.
"I'm not hungry," Harry replied.
Remus sighed and Harry knew he was right. Refusing to eat on Sirius' behalf was irrational, selfish, and stupid. He wasn't the only one who missed Sirius. Remus probably felt the same, even worse, than Harry did.
Remus definitely felt worse. Sirius had been his best friend and they had known each other since they were children. Harry had only known him three years.
Harry couldn't believe a few seconds ago he'd been so selfish. He was disgusted with himself.
"Harry, I am not giving you a choice. Downstairs, now." Remus said calmly. Harry noticed for the first time how weary he looked. Losing a friend and having to yell at Harry were taking a toll on his well being.
Sighing a bit, Harry got up off of the bed slowly. A dull ache had formed at the back of his head, but it was nothing he couldn't handle.
He followed Remus down the stairs to the basement kitchen. The occupants of the house were seated at the table, chatting happily and eating Mrs. Weasly's delicious cooking.
Remus sat down and pointed to the seat between himself and Hermione. Harry took the hint and the chair. He carefully avoided the eyes of the people around him.
"Oh, Harry, we were worried!" Hermione cried, gesturing to herself, Ron and Ginny. "Are you alright then?"
"I'm fine," Harry muttered. He wondered how long he could sit there before Remus actually made him eat something.
"Are you sure?" Hermione asked, giving him a concerned look.
"Yes!" Harry snapped. Why couldn't people mind their own business? He looked up to see Hermione looking down and blinking rapidly.
He turned on the other side to see Remus looking at him curiously. "You know," Remus began, his eyes twinkling a little, "I dragged you down here to eat something, not to tell off your friends and retreat into your shell."
Harry glared at Remus as he piled food on his plate. "Eat every bit of it. You're looking rather pale as it is."
Picking up a fork, Harry felt particularly vengeful towards Remus. He was not pale, and even if he was, it wasn't due to not eating.
He pushed the food around on his plate and ended up eating half of it. As soon as Remus started talking to other members of the Order, he escaped back up to his-no, Sirius'-room.
He collapsed onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. He didn't even bother to look up when someone knocked at his door and Ginny entered the room.
"Harry?" she asked softly, going up to him. "Harry, I'm not going to ask you if you're alright, I already know the answer to that."
Harry sat up, not really wanting to see her, but at the same time needing to talk to someone.
"I want to talk to you as a friend, not as you're best friends younger sister," Ginny continued. She sat down on the end of the bed. "You know you can talk to me, right?"
Harry thought about this for a moment. He'd never really regarded Ginny as a real friend before, and he thought it was time enough to start. "Yeah," he muttered, taking a sudden interest in the bedspread.
"You've been so distant lately, what's on your mind?" Ginny asked, looking at him.
He avoided her eyes. He would've loved to say nothing and left it at that, but some part of him was willing to talk to her. So instead what came out was, "Everyone who's died so far died because of me."
Ginny became stern. "Harry, you've got to stop being such a selfish prat." Harry looked up sharply at this. How was this being selfish?
She went on. "Just because You-know-who is after you, doesn't mean he kills everyone because of you. And don't look at me like that"-Harry had thrown her a skeptical look- "it's true. Sirius is dead because he was fighting the war, not because of you."
When she finally finished this rant, she looked back at Harry, slightly red in the face.
Harry could feel his temper rising again, as it had so often as of late. "You don't-what do you-you can't-you've never" he spluttered, goggling at her.
Ginny however, simply sat back with a smug look. "There, see. You know it's true."
And she was right; Harry knew she was. But that was the sort of thing he would never admit to anyone, ever.
When Ginny saw the look on his face, she softened considerably. "Look, I know you're down because of this, but you have to let him go," she said gently. "Sirius would have wanted you to move on."
"I'll never know what Sirius would have wanted, now will I?" Harry said under his breath.
But Ginny didn't hear and hopped off of the bed. She headed for the door. "Come on, Hermione, Ron and I are all playing exploding snap. Why don't you join us?"
Reluctantly, Harry got up and followed her to the room. Maybe she was right. Maybe Sirius would have wanted him to get on with life. Of course he would. He couldn't live cooped up in a bedroom for the rest of his life after all!
"Harry, you're not the only one that lost someone!"
The effect of this statement shocked Harry to calmness. He blinked and his magic stopped. Harry just stared at Remus. He knew this all along, of course, but it never really hit home until now. He wasn't sure what to say to this, so he just kept quiet.
"Come downstairs." It was not a suggestion, but an order.
Harry considered this for a moment. Why should he eat when Sirius couldn't? In fact, Harry wasn't even hungry. He was feeling rather ill, and thought a nice nap sounded good.
"I'm not hungry," Harry replied.
Remus sighed and Harry knew he was right. Refusing to eat on Sirius' behalf was irrational, selfish, and stupid. He wasn't the only one who missed Sirius. Remus probably felt the same, even worse, than Harry did.
Remus definitely felt worse. Sirius had been his best friend and they had known each other since they were children. Harry had only known him three years.
Harry couldn't believe a few seconds ago he'd been so selfish. He was disgusted with himself.
"Harry, I am not giving you a choice. Downstairs, now." Remus said calmly. Harry noticed for the first time how weary he looked. Losing a friend and having to yell at Harry were taking a toll on his well being.
Sighing a bit, Harry got up off of the bed slowly. A dull ache had formed at the back of his head, but it was nothing he couldn't handle.
He followed Remus down the stairs to the basement kitchen. The occupants of the house were seated at the table, chatting happily and eating Mrs. Weasly's delicious cooking.
Remus sat down and pointed to the seat between himself and Hermione. Harry took the hint and the chair. He carefully avoided the eyes of the people around him.
"Oh, Harry, we were worried!" Hermione cried, gesturing to herself, Ron and Ginny. "Are you alright then?"
"I'm fine," Harry muttered. He wondered how long he could sit there before Remus actually made him eat something.
"Are you sure?" Hermione asked, giving him a concerned look.
"Yes!" Harry snapped. Why couldn't people mind their own business? He looked up to see Hermione looking down and blinking rapidly.
He turned on the other side to see Remus looking at him curiously. "You know," Remus began, his eyes twinkling a little, "I dragged you down here to eat something, not to tell off your friends and retreat into your shell."
Harry glared at Remus as he piled food on his plate. "Eat every bit of it. You're looking rather pale as it is."
Picking up a fork, Harry felt particularly vengeful towards Remus. He was not pale, and even if he was, it wasn't due to not eating.
He pushed the food around on his plate and ended up eating half of it. As soon as Remus started talking to other members of the Order, he escaped back up to his-no, Sirius'-room.
He collapsed onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. He didn't even bother to look up when someone knocked at his door and Ginny entered the room.
"Harry?" she asked softly, going up to him. "Harry, I'm not going to ask you if you're alright, I already know the answer to that."
Harry sat up, not really wanting to see her, but at the same time needing to talk to someone.
"I want to talk to you as a friend, not as you're best friends younger sister," Ginny continued. She sat down on the end of the bed. "You know you can talk to me, right?"
Harry thought about this for a moment. He'd never really regarded Ginny as a real friend before, and he thought it was time enough to start. "Yeah," he muttered, taking a sudden interest in the bedspread.
"You've been so distant lately, what's on your mind?" Ginny asked, looking at him.
He avoided her eyes. He would've loved to say nothing and left it at that, but some part of him was willing to talk to her. So instead what came out was, "Everyone who's died so far died because of me."
Ginny became stern. "Harry, you've got to stop being such a selfish prat." Harry looked up sharply at this. How was this being selfish?
She went on. "Just because You-know-who is after you, doesn't mean he kills everyone because of you. And don't look at me like that"-Harry had thrown her a skeptical look- "it's true. Sirius is dead because he was fighting the war, not because of you."
When she finally finished this rant, she looked back at Harry, slightly red in the face.
Harry could feel his temper rising again, as it had so often as of late. "You don't-what do you-you can't-you've never" he spluttered, goggling at her.
Ginny however, simply sat back with a smug look. "There, see. You know it's true."
And she was right; Harry knew she was. But that was the sort of thing he would never admit to anyone, ever.
When Ginny saw the look on his face, she softened considerably. "Look, I know you're down because of this, but you have to let him go," she said gently. "Sirius would have wanted you to move on."
"I'll never know what Sirius would have wanted, now will I?" Harry said under his breath.
But Ginny didn't hear and hopped off of the bed. She headed for the door. "Come on, Hermione, Ron and I are all playing exploding snap. Why don't you join us?"
Reluctantly, Harry got up and followed her to the room. Maybe she was right. Maybe Sirius would have wanted him to get on with life. Of course he would. He couldn't live cooped up in a bedroom for the rest of his life after all!