Okay, so a few questions-like I said, this story is a bit of a flashback. This takes place back around the time of the Lucky-fire/Faison thing and all the events that took place that spring.
And don't worry- I'm sure Jason will visit.

I really love responses-Really! Feel free to leave one!
Chapter 5

I wonder if I could. I wonder if I just calmed, and let go of everything, if I could die. I watched my mom do it-- it didn't look that hard.

Wow. So I'm suicidal too. I guess I never realized that before.....

You learn something new everyday.

I should stop thinking that way. I can just imagine what people would say if I told them that..... Probably something along the lines of 'You can't! You have too much too live for!'. Always so dramatic. And I'd probably have to reply, 'Yeah? Like what?' Which of course sounds even more ridiculous...... That's okay. Seems like everything coming out of my mouth these days sounds asinine.

I wonder when I started doing it..... Started talking but not saying anything. I remember when I gave up back at the mansion. I was just too tired of fighting so I started saying whatever I thought people wanted to hear. Jason-- there's a supreme example for ya. He tells me that my nephew and godson isn't *really* his, but is, and I simply nod and smile and say "you're right Jason, whatever you say Jason". Oh yeah, the fire is gone. Take life and absorb it like a big, messy sponge-- but don't do anything with it! Don't process it, or enjoy it, or even *live* it.........

Maybe that's why sleeping is so nice-- easier to be sponge-like.

There's someone in my room........ I wait but they aren't saying anything. It actually grows quite unnerving-- Who do I know that would just sit peacefully with me? Jason I suppose..... But no. That's not it. It just doesn't feel the same.

A few more minutes pass, and the presence is driving me crazy. Who would sit so humbly with me in a stark hospital room? I feel like the lead character in a horror movie-- I have an unbearable desire to pull the mask off and see the face of the perpetrator...... almost enough to make me wake up.

But not enough. I still can't rouse myself.

I wonder if this kind person knows how they are frustrating me....... It's really quite funny if you think about it. Someone's docility makes me want to scream out in a crazed madness, but all they can see is my calm, cool and unconscious body.

Maybe it's my prince in shining armor.

The thought makes me giddy-- but not in a happy, schoolgirl-type of way-- more in a delirious way........ I had long given up on fairy tale endings. I knew when I went to sleep that I wouldn't wake up in the arms of my savior, simply because there is none. No one is coming to save me-- Nope. No white horses and magical kingdoms for Emily. It just doesn't exist. It doesn't happen, and you can only float through so much life on dreams......

So who is he?

There's movement. Still no talking, but enough sound to reassure me that I haven't lost my hearing next. I actually can tell what people are doing in the room now. I guess I really have been out for a long time. But for example, right now, I can tell that Mr. X is getting up from his stool beside my bed........ but not leaving. Not yet.

I actually start to feel something begin to boil deep in me, and the thought finally dislodges itself and rises and breaks at the surface. Don't leave. It's a panic I haven't had the pleasure of feeling for a long time....... probably before I fell asleep. It's been a while since I've wanted to tell someone to stay. Frankly, I've simply felt better by myself....... but he...... Being with him is like being myself-- but better.

Don't leave.

And like he heard me-- He sits.

I feel strange. It's like my whole body is tingling, coming out of novocaine. I'm starting to be able to feel things...... emotionally. It's too weird. It's like trying to warm a frozen limb suddenly-- something that's been so numb for so long. It kinda feels, well, wrong.

And what's more strange-- I'm starting to feel what he is.

Dogs can smell fear can't they? Right now, it's like I can smell his...... He feels the need to leave-- but he doesn't want to leave me. He wants to stay forever, but leave right now. I could laugh with the irony. I wonder if he knows that's how I feel everyday.......

Again he stands up to leave, but still, and much to my chagrin, he still makes no sound. I'm beginning to lose the idea that I will ever get a clue who this mystery man is, when I feel something.

I actually and literally FEEL something.

If it weren't for the machines regulating my every function, I'd be sure my heart has stopped beating in my chest.

So delicate-- a light butterfly kiss on the back of my right hand.