Chapter 7
His voice floats through my fog, unable to connect to anything-- it's like my body is filled with cotton balls, and the words bounce and tumble between them. I feel myself grow sleepier, falling further into the warm darkness, and I force myself to focus.
I love you Emily.
Oh. My. God.
The words finally connect and throw themselves at me like a lasso-- pulling me out of the blissful haze. Every syllable, every tone, every change in pitch-- It alerts my memory like a thousand pinpricks. Maybe they've given me medication or something..... Maybe I'm just delusional...
But no..... No..... This is real. Frighteningly real-- and so is he.
I love you Emily-- a whisper from the past.
The door to my room opens and I feel myself mentally jump-- my body tingles like I've been thrown in ice water. He's been caught-- I can feel it coming....
"Lucky?"
I feel the nausea increase ten-fold in my stomach. Hearing his name-- now it's confirmed. I wasn't just hearing things.... I do remember his voice. And now it all seems so obvious-- the feel of his hand, the sound of his whisper-- the feel of his presence. The only thing that's changed is, well, us-- I can sense it-- it radiates off the both of us like an invisible gas. Reunited veterans-- we've each been through our own war-- come out hurt, scarred-- but somehow found our way home......
"You coming?"
I want to throw up. I want to wake up, vomit, and pass out again.....
Elizabeth.
I could really laugh at this whole thing. Hysterical, demented laughs-- insane, delirious laughter-- for a really long time..... Finally I find someone who makes me feel-- actually okay-- and it turns out this way.
When God opens a door, he locks the screen door and sits back and laughs.
Everything in me wants to wake up and meet the man that has stolen my heart, and reminisce with the boy that was my best friend, the soul that has healed and hurt mine.... The heart that belongs to my new best friend.....
God. Why do I have to be evil to be happy?
I can achieve my wildest dreams-- finally get my prince-- if I hurt my best friend. If I hurt my best friend-- I hurt myself and I hurt her.... If I sit back, let them be-- pretend this didn't happen, that I don't feel what I do-- everything I've gained in this sleep-- will work to destroy me.
Alluring options huh?
I could tell myself that he isn't feeling this too. The words come out easy enough-- guess that's from the years of practice of self-pity. God, I really did a number on myself with that whole Nikolas thing-- I mean really, if I can convince myself that I'm in love with someone, it should be able to work the other way right?
Bullshit.
"I'm coming..."
His voice rumbles in my ear like thunder on a rainy morning. It's so warming.... So soothing, but so painful.... I never should have let him tell me. I never should have felt what I felt when his hand touched mine... I never should have sensed what he was feeling-- I should have just shut him out like everyone else-- Saved myself.
'Love can hurt'.... what a cliche phrase..... What about when you love, but didn't get the chance to be in love? Where's the cute phrase for that? Probably wherever the justice is hiding.....
Suddenly I feel a warmth in the pit of my stomach, and the flames crawl up my insides, eating my submissiveness as they go. Why has he done this to me?! Why is this so damn unfair?! How can he come in here when he's with Elizabeth? How can he do this to her? To me? How can trick me into opening my heart for a stranger, only to present himself?!
I feel like I'm on stand in court, screaming for anyone who'll listen, 'It's not my fault! He tricked me! He tricked me and made me fall for him!' But I can't scream loud enough for my own ears.....
I feel the tingling, the cold trembling of my body, and the small cold trickle of a salty tear down the side of my cheek.
His voice floats through my fog, unable to connect to anything-- it's like my body is filled with cotton balls, and the words bounce and tumble between them. I feel myself grow sleepier, falling further into the warm darkness, and I force myself to focus.
I love you Emily.
Oh. My. God.
The words finally connect and throw themselves at me like a lasso-- pulling me out of the blissful haze. Every syllable, every tone, every change in pitch-- It alerts my memory like a thousand pinpricks. Maybe they've given me medication or something..... Maybe I'm just delusional...
But no..... No..... This is real. Frighteningly real-- and so is he.
I love you Emily-- a whisper from the past.
The door to my room opens and I feel myself mentally jump-- my body tingles like I've been thrown in ice water. He's been caught-- I can feel it coming....
"Lucky?"
I feel the nausea increase ten-fold in my stomach. Hearing his name-- now it's confirmed. I wasn't just hearing things.... I do remember his voice. And now it all seems so obvious-- the feel of his hand, the sound of his whisper-- the feel of his presence. The only thing that's changed is, well, us-- I can sense it-- it radiates off the both of us like an invisible gas. Reunited veterans-- we've each been through our own war-- come out hurt, scarred-- but somehow found our way home......
"You coming?"
I want to throw up. I want to wake up, vomit, and pass out again.....
Elizabeth.
I could really laugh at this whole thing. Hysterical, demented laughs-- insane, delirious laughter-- for a really long time..... Finally I find someone who makes me feel-- actually okay-- and it turns out this way.
When God opens a door, he locks the screen door and sits back and laughs.
Everything in me wants to wake up and meet the man that has stolen my heart, and reminisce with the boy that was my best friend, the soul that has healed and hurt mine.... The heart that belongs to my new best friend.....
God. Why do I have to be evil to be happy?
I can achieve my wildest dreams-- finally get my prince-- if I hurt my best friend. If I hurt my best friend-- I hurt myself and I hurt her.... If I sit back, let them be-- pretend this didn't happen, that I don't feel what I do-- everything I've gained in this sleep-- will work to destroy me.
Alluring options huh?
I could tell myself that he isn't feeling this too. The words come out easy enough-- guess that's from the years of practice of self-pity. God, I really did a number on myself with that whole Nikolas thing-- I mean really, if I can convince myself that I'm in love with someone, it should be able to work the other way right?
Bullshit.
"I'm coming..."
His voice rumbles in my ear like thunder on a rainy morning. It's so warming.... So soothing, but so painful.... I never should have let him tell me. I never should have felt what I felt when his hand touched mine... I never should have sensed what he was feeling-- I should have just shut him out like everyone else-- Saved myself.
'Love can hurt'.... what a cliche phrase..... What about when you love, but didn't get the chance to be in love? Where's the cute phrase for that? Probably wherever the justice is hiding.....
Suddenly I feel a warmth in the pit of my stomach, and the flames crawl up my insides, eating my submissiveness as they go. Why has he done this to me?! Why is this so damn unfair?! How can he come in here when he's with Elizabeth? How can he do this to her? To me? How can trick me into opening my heart for a stranger, only to present himself?!
I feel like I'm on stand in court, screaming for anyone who'll listen, 'It's not my fault! He tricked me! He tricked me and made me fall for him!' But I can't scream loud enough for my own ears.....
I feel the tingling, the cold trembling of my body, and the small cold trickle of a salty tear down the side of my cheek.