Chapter 24: Dinner and All Camp
When the staff went into the dining hall, Gryffin realized why Artemis was not there. Posters covered the walls boasting a picture of the girl under the word 'missing.' They were reminiscent of those posters one saw when somebody was looking for a lost dog.
Pixie and Bumlets raised their hands to silence the hall.
"Thank you. I'm Pixie."
"And I'm Bumlets."
"And we're your hopper councilors," they chorused, striking a ridiculous pose. Pixie's bells jingled.
"As you may have noticed," Bumlets said, "Our dear little Artemis-chan is missing."
"The girls of Laurel Oaks in Theater In the Woods are going to put on a play to help us find Arty," Pixie told them. "The skit will be broken up throughout dinner, so on with the show!"
The few girls who stood off to the side came forward as Pixie and Bumlets took their seats.
"Hey, look what I found," Shot the camper said, holding something blue.
"What is that?" Finley, another camper, asked. Shot shrugged.
"I know what that is!" Katie the Weasel exclaimed as her jaw dropped and her eyes widened. She took the blue garment from Shot and turned it right side up. Snickers ran through the dining hall from those who knew what she was holding. Snitch turned bright red.
"Oh my gosh!" Finley yelled mockingly. "Those are Snitch's swim trunks!"
The rest of the room burst into laughter. Snitch blushed red right up to his ears and quickly excused himself to the restroom.
"I bet it was Snitch that kidnapped Artemis," Katie said, incredibly serious. The others agreed and walked back to their seats.
"End Part One!" Pixie said. "Everybody eat!"
Gryffin, still smiling, started serving her table. Sky and Skittery were both sitting with her tonight, as Blink was filling an obligation to eat with Mush.
"'Scuse me a minute," Skittery said, pushing himself up from the table and heading off toward the bathrooms.
Skittery scratched the back of his head, yawning, as he opened the door to the boy's bathroom, and promptly stopped dead in his tracks.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOIN'?" he yelled.
"Shhhhhh!" Snitch admonished as he finished ripping a piece of duct tape. Skittery paid no attention to his friend, though. His eyes were locked on Artemis, who was bound and gagged with the over-used silver stuff and sitting on the floor.
"Ain't dere no rule 'bout no sex in da bathroom?" Skitts asked, only slightly quieter. Artemis pushed the gag out of her mouth.
"No, Skittery, that's no sex in the champagne room."
"What!?" Both boys looked at her.
"Never mind," she said, shaking her head. "Skittery, it is DEFINITELY nothing like that. Snitch is just helping me be kidnapped. It is all part of the Laurel Oaks skit."
"Oh. I was concerned for a minute dere. You know, it's bad enough wit one Newsie inta all dat bondage crap..."
Artemis blinked exaggeratedly.
"Yeah, jus' don' ask. Yah don' really want ta know," Snitch advised.
Back in the dining hall, the Laurel Oaks campers had added Storm, Tinkerbell, Pixie and Vash *shudder* to their list of the accused. They had made up some god-awful story about why Vash may have had Snitch's shorts when he kidnapped Artemis. Gryffin did not hear most of it though. She was too busy trying not to think of Vash having anything to do with Snitch's pants at all.
Skittery returned to his seat next to Sky, and Snitch came back from the bathroom too, only he was not blushing at all anymore. In fact, he looked quite calm and very relaxed. That was odd for him. The storm that had been threatening all day unleashed itself outside. The little lake that had formed around the base of the tree in the games field rose quickly. The thunder and lightening crashed during the downpour. The rain was hard and heavy, but it did not seem like it would last long.
In the middle of dinner, Kristan stood up suddenly. She picked up the bowl of pudding that was sitting in the middle of her table and promptly turned it upside down on top of Christine's head. The vanilla gunk ran all down her hair and face. Instead of yelling, Christine started to lick bits of the gook off of her fingers and her face.
"Not bad."
Nike got drug into the next part of the skit. The girls said that she kidnapped Artemis because she was jealous that the small girl had a boyfriend and Nike did not. The girls were told about the no dating rule at camp, and how the staff would never break the rule, but because of the events of the week, they were convinced that Artemis was going out with Boots. Yes, that's right folks, Boots. And Nike was jealous of them. Yep. Hey, that's the way that the campers think.
When the girls brought this revelation to light, David actually openly laughed. Nike sent him a scathing look that was worthy of Spot Conlon.
"You're all wrong," another little camper said. "I know who the real culprit is. Let's look at our evidence."
She dumped the things out on the table. They included Snitch's swim trunks, a brush from the barn, Pixie's bells, a picture of Boots with writing to Artemis on the back, a Buzz Poet's CD, and an empty roll of duct tape. (go figure)
"The person who kidnapped Artemis is none other than..." she waited, looking around at her fellow campers. "Drum roll?" she suggested as if this were the most obvious thing in the world. "Luna!"
The barn staff member looked up, completely confused, and was drug to the front of the hall. Just then, Artemis came scooting out of the bathroom. She was sitting on the ground, bound with her arms behind her back and her legs together in front of her.
Pixie went over and unbound the little lifeguard.
"Luna, why would you kidnap your tent-mate Artemis?" Pixie asked. Luna sort of shrugged and looked at Pixie as if she were insane.
"I can tell you that one," Katie said. "Artemis borrowed Pixie's bell belt and made too much noise in the tent when Arty danced to her headphones with Nike's Buzz Poet's CD. Everyone knows how much barn staff value their sleep. They don't like to be woken up for anything."
"Yeah," the littlest camper broke in. "The horse brush proved that it was someone from the barn, and the empty duct tape roll is from the barn always playing with the stuff and they wrapped my Artemis in it." The girl put her arms around Arty's waist and squeezed. The picture was adorable.
"Earlier in the day," Finley said, "Boots had given his picture to Luna for Artemis, because Artemis is his girlfriend and he wanted her to have it. Luna was also mad because Boots had taken time out of his work at the barn to write on the picture."
"Then what about Snitch's shorts?" someone asked.
"Those," Arty said, taking the swim trunks, "would be mine. I had them because I was putting them in the wash with my towels and bathing suits."
"So there you have it folks," Bumlets said as the rest of the staff and campers sat back down. "The case of the mysterious missing Artemis is solved thanks to the awesome sluths of Laurel Oaks."
They clapped and cheered, and dinner was over shortly. It was still raining hard outside, and the campers milled about in the dining hall while the staff finished cleaning up.
"Hey guys," Nike whispered, "I got an idea. Who wants to soak Happy?"
Gryffin and the barn staff members who were standing next to the leader of Orchard smirked and grinned evilly.
"That's what I thought. Go down in the puddle and I'll bring her down."
Nike slipped off and started talking to Happy while Gryffin and the others went outside and promptly started playing in the puddle. It was nearly four feet deep, and they could swim in it if they had tried.
Nike appeared a moment later, still chatting hospitably with the camp director by her side. They stood and watched the staff members play in the puddle. Without warning, Cinders appeared on the other side of Happy. Nike and Cinders swept Happy up into a basket between their arms and carried her out into the middle of the pool, ceremoniously dropping her into the water. The campers and staff that had accumulated around the water's edge clapped. Gryffin had the biggest smirk on her face. That, was one of the best memories she would have all summer.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Later that night, the rain had stopped and the seats were dry enough so that they could have All Camp at the Amp. The boys did the part of their production that was supposed to be on last night first. They had somehow wrestled Nike half-way into the dress before she went on stage. Catcalls and whoops erupted from the staff members as she started to sing Medda's parts. It was amazing how Nike's eyes could glare at them while her lips still smiled and she pranced around the stage like Medda might have done.
Trail's End was up next. Gryffin and Sky went to sit on either side of the stage to coach the girls where they got lost. Gryffin knew that the skit had been an awesome idea at the time, but now it somehow did not seem quite appropriate. She was terrified of getting in trouble for having the girls say what they were going to say... but as long as the girls did not know the meanings of their words, it would be alright. The campers filled the stage, each of them impersonating a different staff member.
"Welcome to Celebrity Juke Box, by the Camp Redwing Staff. Today, we have two teams on our show. Team one, please introduce yourselves," the announcer said.
"Hi, I'm Artemis, and I look cute in my teeny bikini!"
"Hey, I'm Harmony. Has anyone seen Eeyore?"
"Check the guard's room," the camper who would be Gryffin said.
"NO!" the Nike camper yelled. "WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T GO IN THERE!"
Gryffin and Sky both hid their faces from the audience, not meeting anyone's gaze, terrified of bursting into uncontrollable fits of laughter. The staff in the audience laughed loudly. Gryffin hoped that Happy would find it funny.
"Hi, I'm Cheetah, and I'm going to go run eleven miles!"**
"I'm Gryffin. Has anyone seen Kid Blink?"
"Thank you Team One! Now Team Two, please introduce yourselves!"
"Hey, I'm Nike. Jem, you'd better fix that CRACK in the Pool!"
Gryffin could hear Nike's voice laughing over all the rest. At least someone was going to like her after all was said and done.
"I'm Willow, now quit distracting me. I'm trying to write!"
"I'm Storm. Where's Luna? I need more duct tape."
"Thank you Team Two! The first question is... what song have Gryffin and Artemis been singing all week?"
"Ooh! Ooh! I know!" The Gryffin camper jumped up and down with her hand in the air.
"Yes? Gryffin?"
"We have been singing Carryin' da Bannah!"
"No, that is not quite the title we're looking for. Team Two, with the chance to steal."
"They've been singing Carrying the Banner," Willow-camper said without looking up from her notebook.
"Dat's what I said! Can' nobody heah me?"
"I'm sorry, Gryffin, but all answers must be submitted in English, not New Yorkian."
The Gryffin-camper sulked.
"Hey!" Artemis called across the set. "Hey, Gryffin, Nike... do you want to buy a Newsie?"
"Is he hot?" Nike asked.
"Can he sing and dance?" Storm asked, though she had not really been asked for her input.
"Is it Blink?" Gryffin-camper asked.
"Of course he's hot and he can sing and dance," Artemis-camper said, waving them off. "And Gryff-child, I would never think of selling you anyone else."
Gryffin was completely red in the face now. She was almost regretting the skit. The girls asked a few more nonsense questions, then burst into a very well choreographed version of Mama Says from Footloose. When they were finished, the Orchard staff gave them a standing ovation.
Laurel Oaks performed their song, and soon the Newsies were up again to play out the end of their skit. The Finale was awesome, especially with the amount of dancing that the boys had to do. They looked wonderful on stage. Gryffin began thinking of the fact that they were leaving tomorrow after the campers. She was definitely going to miss the boys' presence in camp, let alone missing Blink and Race for their friendships. When the Newsies took their bows, the girls clapped, squealed, and rushed the stage like a bunch of obsessed fan girls. They were turning into staff already.
Ten minutes later, when everybody was back in their respective seats, Christy was called to the stage.
"Gryffin," Eeyore said, as she took a seat on the other girl's lap. "We just had an idea."
Gryffin looked worriedly from the insane smirk on Eeyore's face to the ear to ear grin on Race's and the matching smirk on Spot's. She was frankly afraid to ask.
"What?"
"Come on, we have to change some things."
Kitch*Nsynk called themselves from the audience and held an impromptu meeting behind the Amp while the rest of the units put on their skits. Gryffin had held her hopes too high. She had expected a fairly normal, run of the mill, Broadway-style production number. Heh... she had forgotten the fact that it was being performed by Kitch*Nsynk.
After Christy performed it was Sunny Banks turn. They sang some silly song from a cartoon show, and then the Orchard girls had their chance. Orchard sang some Spice Girls song, but that was the best part of the show. Trail's End's skit was by far the best, between the jokes and the choreography. Gryffin was proud of her girls.
"Last, but not least... well... you know that's just a saying," Spark-yo mumbled as she introduced them, "Is the insane group of Kitch*Nsynk... none of which actually work in the kitchen."
A single figure stood in the middle of the stage. Medda's pink dress was pulled tight around the body. The head was down, a big feathery fan in front of the face. The music started. The rest of Kitch*Nsynk watched, outside of the audience's line of vision for the moment.
On the first line of words, Spot jerked his head up above the fan. The crowd laughed instantly. And they had not even moved yet.
"There was a time,
I don't know when,
I didn't have,
Much time for men
But this is now,
And that was then,
I'm learning."
Spot folded the fan and tossed it aside. He ran his hands down his sides seductively. Gryffin could hear Maddie and Cassie screaming their heads off. By the sounds of it, there were several other campers who shared their opinion.
"A girl alone,
All on her own,
Must try to have,
A heart of stone,
So I try not,
To make it known,
My yearning."
The rest of the Newsies involved in Kitch*Nsynk filtered onstage. They were dressed in random assortments of clothing, much of which had been raided from the costume boxes moments before. Blink and Bumlets looked very good in their dresses. Jack was the only one wearing any pants. Specs and Snitch had on two office suits, sufficiently mismatched between them, though Specs had declined dancing in the skit. He was going to run the CD player instead. Snitch wore a black tutu over his shorts. Skittery wore a pink one. Racetrack wore a tattered ren-fair dress that had belonged to Fairy Magic at one point in time. Mush wore a very tight eighties style mini skirt, and a super short shirt that looked as if it had been taken out of the camper's extra box.
"I try to show,
I have no need,
I really do,
I don't succeed."
The 'men,' aka, the regular Kitch*Nsynk members, came onto the stage, ogling the boys. They had been dressed in most of what the Newsies had taken off.
"So let's bring on the men,
This time, the boys did the patented Brittney Spears 'oh baby baby' dance move
And let the fun begin
The boys shimmy on fun
A little touch of sin
Boys use one finger to just barely touch the Kitch*Nsynk members
Why wait another minute
Newsies roll their heads and back away from the girls.
Step this way
Boys cross stage and beckon girls on seductively.
It's time for us to play
They say we may not pass this way again
So let's waste no more time
Bring on the men."
The Newsies grabbed their dance partners; Blink and Gryffin, Christine and Mush, Kristan and Jack, Artemis and Snitch, Willow and Bumlets, Phoenix and Skittery, Luthien and Racetrack. Spot was making sure he was the center of attention with Brooke and Eeyore both hanging on him.
"I always knew
I always said
That Silk and lace
In black and red
Will drive a man
Right off his head
It's easy."
Spot fluttered his eyelashes. It was very noticeable now that someone, probably Eeyore, had helped him to apply makeup. Purple shadow that faded into pink completely covered the space between his eyes and his eyebrows. Silver glitter was mixed into the shadow, and lines of it graced the boy's already high cheekbones and flicked through his eyebrows and hair.
"So many men,
So little time,
I want them all,
Is that a crime?
" No" the Kitch*Nsynk girls yelled, ogling Spot again. The rest of the Newsies stood next to him
I don't know why
They say that I'm too easy
Spot hiked up his skirt. The girls in the audience screamed even louder. Some of the staff had stopped looking dumbfounded and had started to laugh instead.
"They make me laugh,
They make me cry,
They make me sick,
So God knows why,"
"So let's bring on the men,
And let the fun begin
A little touch of sin
Why wait another minute
Step this way
It's time for us to play
They say we may not pass this way again
So let's waste no more time
Bring on the men." (chorus)
"They break your heart
One little camper broke out from the front row at a sprint. She jumped onto the stage and latched her arms onto Spot's middle. "SPOT! I WANT YOU TO MARRY ME SPOT! IT WILL BE SO CUTE: SPOT AND SHOT! AND THEN WE'LL HAVE KIDS, AND ALL THE LITTLE SPOTS AND LITTLE SHOTS AND" Shot had started to pull Spot's dress off of him. He looked appaled and quickly backed away, more surprised that anyone would try to do something to the leader of Brooklyn that he did not want done to him. He also had amazing self control. He didn't even start to hit her away from him. Shot's cries of undying devotion switched to cries of anger. "HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! GET OFF OF ME! LET ME GO!" Several staff members from Christy had come to pry the young child out of the middle of the skit. Specs turned the CD back on and Spot picked up the lines again.
Steal your soul
Take you apart
And yet they somehow make you whole
So what's their game?
I suppose a rose by any other name
The perfume and
The pricks the same."
(dance break)
"I like to have a man for breakfast each day.
I'm very social and I like it that way.
Blink and Mush both stepped to the front on those lines. They gave the crowd seductive looks, and Mush winked at the campers. The boys grabbed Gryffin and Christine by the ties that they had on their necks and pulled them back toward the back rooms.
By late midmorning I need something to much,
So I ask over two men for lunch.
Snitch took center. Phoenix and Artemis linked their arms though his and he walked off to the back of the Amp, swinging his hips seductively.
And then I'm mad about my afternoon teas
They're quite informal, I just do to please.
Those triple sandwiches are my favorite ones.
Jack, Willow and Kristan lined up, Willow facing Jack and Jack and Kristan facing each other. Kristan was by far being the most seductive of the three as they sort of scuttled offstage.
I'm also very, partial to buns.
Racetrack sashayed over to where Luthien was standing, wound up his arm, and landed a hard smack on her ass-penfish. She slid her arm around his waist and escorted him offstage like any proper, male escort would do.
My healthy appetite gets strongest at night,
Spot took center stage now. The rest of the boys-being-girls had backed off to the sides.
My edam dinners are my men friends' delight.
When I invite the fellows over to dine,
They all come early,
In bed by nine."
The rest of the girls picked Spot up so that he was lying sideways across them and marched him off stage. The rest of the cast filed back on and sang the last chorus.
"So let's bring on the men,
And let the fun begin
A little touch of sin
Why wait another minute
Step this way
It's time for us to play
They say we may not pass this way again
So let's waste no more time
Bring on the men."
The cast of random people froze, their legs and arms all entwined around each other, to a riot of laughter and applause. They linked arms, and Artemis said her piece.
"This has been yet another production, of Kitch*Nsynk."
"Featuring the beautiful singing talents, of Jania Conlon-Higgins," Specs said from the CD player. Spot glared at the besepecled boy.
"Okay, the awards..." Spark-Yo said, as Kitch*Nsynk sat down. They gave out the awards for Laurel Oaks, Sunny Banks, and Christy, which went without comment. "Trail's End... You get the 'Could Sky and Gryffin turn any redder' award. Kitch*Nsynk... you get the "You're allowed to do that at Girl Scout camp!?!' award. And we have a very special award tonight. It is for Gryffin. It is the 'Are you insane? Just how much do you value your job? And could you possibly push the limits any further?' Award."
Gryffin blushed again, still clad in what were mostly Kid Blink's clothes, and accepted her award with a bow.
"Thank you, and goodnight!"
End Twenty-Four
** Cheetah did not work at camp that summer, but she was very memorable for running eleven miles every day, and twenty two on the weekends.
A/N: Yay! Going to break 200 reviews this time! (probably) *does happy dance* Luv you all soooooooooooooooooo much! Yeah, this chapter is really long, and that's why it took so long to get out. Almost done... just a few more chapters. Luv ya and please review!
Shoutouts!
Artemis: I love using multiple exclamation marks!!!!!!!!! And since when have any Redwing staff members been sane?
Shot: Yay Shot! You get a cookie, because I think you're the only other person in the world who does not like Super Wal-Marts. Sam's clubs though... those are a different story. Those rock! I hope you like yourself!
Yank: Good luck with those hit men... did I mention that you can buy a Mafia!Race from Funkiechick and B? He could do the job for you. Then again, if you have Race, you really don't need to kill Mrs. Damon. EVIL WAL-MARTS!! GAH!!! THEY SHOULD CARRY NEWSIES! Stupid freickg alvnsd vvoihe vndfs.
Chipper: Yeah, I'm trying to keep it close to real life... though there really is no such thing as normal in my life... ever. Oh, and don't tell Yank, but I like Spot in the pink dress too. ^_^ Don't worry... we'll get some more of that before the story is through!
Storm: Yeah, hunny... you're probably really glad that I left you out of this chapter. I really, really doubt that anyone wants to be involved for what is coming. ^_^ Enjoy!
Kristan: I love you too. Maybe after this, you will love me even more. *snicker* Enjoy yourself! Yay for you writing Kristan's story! *I don't really have time to write it* Luv ya lots!
Cassie: Oh yes, only Spot can look sexy in a pink dress. Only Spot. I don't remember getting to go to Wal-Mart with PB... but okay if you say so. *shrug* That's okay with me.
Maddie: Eldivice is the evil, hand clapping grace. "Bless our friends, Bless our food, come oh god and sit with us..." that thing. I like hot boys singing Newsies. They rock! Oh, by the way, don't eat sticks around Speedy, and you won't have problems with him.
Merry: I don't think that anyone would be insane enough to come and spend their summers at Redwing if they are of the opposite sex. They would have to be insane. I'm glad that I met your quota. Hope this one does the same!
Christine: Hm.... couldn't get you in a dress if we tried.... maybe we'll have to add that as material sometime soon. ^_^ I know you wanted Race... but he's gay. I'm sorry! You have your frigging shirtless Mush, what more do you want?! You want pudding.... hehehehe
Brownie: Don't get caught up in the duct tape! It might eat you, just like the camp applesauce! (don't ask... I don't even know anymore) Sugar is a good thing, it keeps the world turning. Luv ya hon!