Title: A Dream Life

Author: Andrea (CarbyLove@aol.com)

Rating: R for smut.

Summary: Previously, Carter came home from his world travels and was annoyed that Abby wouldn't talk to him. Abby finally told him that she wants to bear his spawn. He was surprised. But then they had sex. The next day Abby made breakfast, but they never ate it because they were too busy having sex. In the shower. Even if it made them late for work. In this chapter, Susan shows up. So do Duncan's Donuts. Abby and Carter discuss the meaning of life. Susan and Abby discuss world peace. Things get a little physical. And a tragic event brings the ER together. Or maybe not. Read it and find out.

Author's Note: As always, thanks for the reviews. Catherine, thanks for the interactive editing. So anyway, remember when I said I was splitting Chapter 3 into two parts? Yeah, make that three parts. And this chapter is STILL long. If there seems to be a lack of plot advancement in this one too … um, too bad. Sometimes you just have to do some set-up. So someone asked for more detailed smut. Well, with this being an "R" rating, I wouldn't want to get too graphic. But … I, uh, just might have some NC-17 stuff that I might be willing to share if you e-mail me.

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A Dream Life

Chapter 4: Second Thoughts

We manage to slide into work just in time, after setting at least one record this morning. I think we managed to achieve the new speed dressing record. I'm not sure we ever put on clothes quite that fast. And thanks to my brilliant suggestion about just wearing our scrubs to work, we've arrived with enough time to actually enjoy Carter's welcome back party.

And by welcome back party, I mean that Susan has dropped a giant box of donuts on the table in the lounge. Nevertheless, I'm considerably cheered by the site, seeing as how after our little tryst in the shower, the eggs were cold and the toast was burnt. Jelly donut -- ah, breakfast at last. For the moment, it's just the three of us in here. Susan came running in just moments ago and without a word, plopped the box down in front of Carter and I.

"I hope you appreciate this," Susan says without preamble, after carefully choosing her own donut.

"Of course I do, Susan." Carter says in mock seriousness. "I mean, I'm gone a month and I don't even get a 'hi, how are you?' or a 'welcome back' … but I did get a box of donuts."

"Hi, how are you? Welcome back. And you don't know what I had to do to keep this box of donuts away from the vultures out there. I wanted to make sure that you got first dibs at the good ones, but of course you two have to take your sweet time getting here this morning. Silly me. I thought that since it was your first day back, you might actually get here early."

"Well, we were … busy." Carter tells her.

"More like ' gettin' busy.'" I amend.

"Abby!" Carter sounds a little shocked.

"What?"

"I wouldn't worry about it, Carter. It's not like that's a shocking revelation." Susan informs him. " I mean, just look at you guys now."

Well now, what's that supposed to mean? Just because I'm sitting here on Carter's lap and he's helpfully licking the remnants of jelly donut off my fingers … slowly, deliberately … sucking each digit into his mouth, running one of his own fingers over my lips … it's like she's saying there's something wrong with that. Or maybe she objects to the way I just snagged a chocolate covered donut and have trailed my finger through the icing before presenting it to Carter's waiting mouth. The man likes chocolate, so what? Come to think of it, I like chocolate. Maybe I'll just have to have a little taste myself. His eyes lock on mine as I bring the pastry up to my mouth, nibbling at it ever so slightly, licking at the sweet chocolate frosting. Under me, I feel him shift his weight in the chair, and I respond accordingly, turning my body, so that we are facing each other.

"Mmm, good." Okay, that came out a lot more like a moan than actual words, but whatever.

"Looks good." Now he could be talking about the donut. Then again, his eyes do seem to be rather fixated on my boobs, so maybe he's talking about my suddenly perky nipples that must be obvious through my t-shirt.

"You want a taste?"

"Definitely."

"Oh, you had better be talking about that donut." Susan pipes up from somewhere behind me. Susan. Oh yeah, that's right. She's here too. I crane my neck around to catch of glimpse of her and see that she looks somewhat disgusted. "Yech," she says, dropping what's left of her breakfast back on to the napkin in front of her.

"Something wrong with your donut?" I ask sweetly.

"No, I think I've just lost my appetite after that display."

"What display?" Carter asks, but his words come out slightly slurred. And his eyes, still set on me, seem heavy with lust. I realize belatedly that my face feels flushed and various other parts feel vaguely … uh … damp.

"This amateur-hour porn display. Honestly, I know you've been apart for two whole weeks, but try to get it under control."

"What would you know about amateur porn, anyway, Susan?" I can't help but ask.

"Apparently not as much as you two."

"Abby! You told her about that?"

"Nooo, John, you just did."

"Oh my God, I'm so not hearing this." Susan says, her eyes wide.

"Well, we got that new video camera, and we had to try it out."

"You're joking, right? Gotta be a joke."

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I ask.

"No, not really." She says, heading to the door. "And I'm certainly never watching any kind of 'home videos' at your place ever again."

She pushes through the door closest to the admit desk, and I realize in a matter of moments everyone's gonna start pouring in here. It'll probably be a mad dash, they'll be so excited. But all the pushing and shoving won't be pleasant. I've never seen people who get so worked up over donuts. I figure maybe it would be politic of me to get off Carter's lap and find my own chair because once the WWF donut smack down is over, it'll be meet and greet time for Carter. But as I go to stand up, his arm wraps around me tightly, holding me on his lap, my back to his chest. Aww, I guess he really did miss me. Either that or he wants to use me as camouflage for what's going on in his lap. Of course, keeping me on his lap would only seem to make that situation all the more dangerous. But in this last moment that we have to ourselves, he buries his head in my neck, and I realize, if he doesn't care, I'm not gonna fight it.

"It was nice of Susan to bring me donuts." He says as he nuzzles my neck ever-so-lightly.

"Uh-huh. Of course, she got me a cake."

"You got a cake?"

"Yep, it said 'Welcome back, Abby' and everything."

"I'm jealous."

"You should be. She obviously likes me better."

"Ouch. That hurts."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, the cake originally said 'Welcome back, Carter and Abby' but you didn't come back, so apparently Susan just scraped off the 'Carter and' …"

"Gee, that makes me feel so much better."

I put one hand on his cheek, turning his head toward me so I can give him a little kiss.

"That made me feel better," he informs me.

But before we can let this go any further, the lounge starts filling up with our friends and co-workers, wanting to welcome Carter home … and get a shot at the donuts, of course. So the donut war ensues, Carter receives various handshakes, and then it's back to business as usual. Before Weaver shows up and ruins the party anyway.

In typical fashion, John lucks out and gets a perfectly boring, quiet morning. I got hit with six back-to-back traumas my first day back. Of course, Carter was probably hoping for some excitement. So far he's stitched up a rollerblader, treated a dizzy little old lady, and handed out a prescription to a guy with strep throat. The most excitement we could produce this particular morning is a six-year-old with a possibly broken ankle. But with x-ray backed up due to some technical glitch, he's in a holding pattern. Boredom gets the best of me and decide to restock the drug lock-up just for something to do. If I'd know things were going to be this dismal, I would have suggested that we call in sick. To think I could be at home, right now, with John. Probably naked. Definitely not bored. Okay, best not to think about that. This day is long enough as it is, better not get myself all worked up -- it'll only make the wait for this evening that much more intolerable. The fact that he's just slid up behind me in the drug lock-up is going to go along way toward that whole intolerable wait thing. At first I think he's just trying to slip past me or reach for some drug above my head.

"Need something?" I ask idly while double-checking my list.

"Yeah … you."

"Oh, did you get the ankle film back?" We might have to do a cast. Woo hoo.

"Nope."

"Oh. What do you need me for then?" I turn around to face him, figuring he's going to inform me of an impending trauma or some new patient. Wrong. I see the look in his eyes, and I know it's not my nursing skills that he's interested in. "John …" There's a note of warning, along with hint of disappointment in my voice.

"Wanna go fool around in one of the many, many empty exam rooms?" He asks as his hands find a resting spot on my hips and his head dips down toward mine.

I can't help but laugh. "Well, that was subtle."

"Oh. Sorry. Uh … hey Abby? I need a hand with something in Exam 4. Better?"

"You need a hand, huh? Yeah, I'll bet."

"Well, that'll be a good start."

He pulls me into a nearby exam room and shuts the door firmly, flipping the lock. He twists the blinds closed with a flourish and practically leaps on to the gurney that I've settled on. Immediately we're making out like a couple of teenagers in a movie theater. Except, of course, that we are lying on a gurney, and there's no movie playing to mask the soft sighs and moans. Well now, this is much better than restocking the drug lock-up. Things start to get a little hot and heavy, which is quite enjoyable. My scrub top and t-shirt have disappeared and his hands have found their way under my tank top, kneading the round swells of my breasts, carefully caressing the hard nipples. Between his lips on the pulse point in my neck and his strong hands grasping greedily at my boobs, I'm a pretty much at his mercy. But when he reaches for the waistband of scrubs, pulling open the drawstring tie, I find myself pushing him away.

"John … wait. Are you sure you want to do this here?"

"It's not like it's the first time."

"I know. But that was a long time ago. And things are … different, now."

"Because of this whole baby thing? Let me guess. You don't want our child conceived in the hospital anymore than you wanted it conceived in the kitchen?"

"Well, actually, here in this ER would be oddly appropriate for us. But no, I'd rather not … I mean, if we had to … like if it was the only time we had a chance to be together during the entire window of opportunity and so it was our only chance, that would be a different story. But since we were busy last night, not to mention this morning, creating plenty of chances … And I may not even be ovulating, so we don't even know if there's a 'target' for your 'troops' to aim at."

"Well," he laughs, "Maybe we can just pretend. Because, you know, I've been in this 'perpetually aroused' state since this morning in the lounge."

"You say that like it's my fault."

"It is your fault. You drive me crazy."

"I think you've just become insatiable."

As if to prove my point, he kisses me greedily, laying me back against the gurney once again, covering his body with mine. I can feel his desperation, his need. I can feel the hardness of his erection as our pelvises grind together. I can feel that I'm stuck with damp panties again. But do I really want to do this here, with people walking the halls just outside the door? Oh what the hell? I can only see one way out of it at this point. And what's the worst that could happen? We'll get caught? Susan'll walk in and get an eyeful? We probably wouldn't even notice.

I pull him even closer to me, signaling my willingness. This time, when he reaches for my scrub bottoms, I don't stop him. Not when his hand slips inside them or when he eases them, along with the increasingly damp panties, down my legs. And when his hand travels back up my naked leg and seeks the heat of my core, I find myself arching my back to meet his fingers. Within moments the world has faded away and it's just the two of us. We melt together. He's deep inside in me. For the moment nothing exists but our conjoined bodies and the moans softly escaping our throats. This isn't the slow and gentle love-making of last night … this is much more primal. And the forbidden nature of it only serves to heighten our excitement. We throw ourselves at each other again and again. It isn't long until our moans escalate to a fevered pitch, matching only our thrusts against one another. And then, with a strangled cry escaping his lips and an ecstatic moment of utter silence and stillness from me, it's over.

His lips seek out mine, and he kisses me sweetly. "Thanks. I feel much better now."

I laugh. "Yeah, me too," I tell him. He just grins at me, seeming perfectly content to stare into my eyes until the end of time. "Hey, as much as I'd love to just lie here basking in the afterglow, I'm wearing nothing but a tank top. Maybe I should get dressed."

He laughs as he rolls off the gurney and onto his feet. Since getting dressed for him basically consists of hitching his scrubs back up to their proper position, he helpfully starts retrieving various articles of my clothing. I'm not sure how my scrub top came to be draped over an IV pole, but within minutes I've put myself back together, we've straightened up the room, and I'm slipping out the door, pile of linens in my hands. I take a furtive look down the hall, but the coast seems clear. I dump the sheet in the nearest laundry cart and hurry down the hall trying to look like I've been doing something important that didn't involve having sex in an exam room. I walk up to the admit desk and no one points or stares or makes any lewd comments, so I figure no one suspects anything. A few moments later, Carter sidles up to the desk, all business. Except, of course, that he's whistling under his breath, and he pats my ass as he walks by on the way to check out a 'slip and fall' that's just come in. But again, no one seems to notice anything. Maybe.

"So … Abby," Susan says to me with an amused smile on her face, "Having an interesting morning? Been treating a special patient maybe?" I'm assuming, because of the wink she gives me, that she knows.

"Uh …" is about the best I can manage. No witty rejoinder comes to mind. But she just laughs.

"So, since you've been off 'working up an appetite,' you wanna go get some lunch? Doc's?"

"Well, I don't know …" I throw a look over my shoulder to see what Carter's up to. He seems to still be occupied with that 'slip and fall' -- one of our frequent fliers who will undoubtedly have several different complaints and be in need of a variety of tests. And I am getting hungry, so … I turn back to Susan. "Okay, let me just tell John."

"He's a big boy, Abby. I think he'll be able to figure it out. It's lunchtime, so he might figure that … I don't know, you went to lunch?" She grabs my arm and starts tugging me toward the door. "Come on, we better go now while the coast is clear. No patients, no Weaver."

Carter must notice us heading toward the door and he gives me a questioning look. I point toward Doc Magoo's and give him a little wave. Then I point to him and then back toward the restaurant. He nods, so I assume that he understood the meaning of that pantomime. "Abby?" Susan give me an eye roll from the door way, and I hurry after her, figuring John will join us when he can.

"So," Susan starts almost before I can sit down, "what's the deal with you two?"

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well, you guys have been all over each other like bunny rabbits in heat all morning. I mean first you treat me to that scene in the lounge. And it was really more than I wanted to know about your donut-eating habits." I can't help but giggle at that. And maybe blush, just a little. "And then, when you two weren't off giving each other 'physicals,' you were making googly eyes at each other across the room. I don't think I ever remember seeing you two so lovey-dovey."

"Well, he's been gone for the past two weeks."

She just fixes me with a steady gaze. "Yeah, two weeks Abby. Not two months. Not two years. A two-week dry spell is hardly any big deal. Believe me."

"Yeah, well … we don't usually go two weeks. Hell, we don't usually go two days."

"Really?" She says dryly, "I'm so shocked."

"Shut up." But I'm laughing. The waitress appears to take our order, but as soon as she leaves, Susan starts in again.

"Okay, so you guys are busy getting 'reacquainted.' Fine. But there's still something else, something different with you two. I know they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but really."

I debate with myself about whether or not to tell her. My instinct is to keep this all a big secret. At least for now. But then I realize that this is Susan. If I don't tell her, she'll probably just brow beat me until I do. Maybe it's best to skip the middle step.

"Well, actually, Susan …"

"Yeah?"

"Okay … but you have to promise not to say a word to anyone."

"I can do that."

"Okay. Well. John and I … well, we're … uh … well, kinda … uh" Geez, this is harder than I thought it would be. A lot harder. But she's looking at me expectantly so I better tell her something. Okay, here goes.

"We're trying for a baby."

Well, her head hasn't spun around on her neck and she hasn't fallen over dead, so maybe it's not the most absurd thing she's ever heard. In fact, there's a smile spreading across her face.

"Really?" I nod. The smile is in her eyes now. And she looks at me sweetly, looking almost choked up. "Oh my God, that's so great."

"You really think so?" I find I'm biting my lip, hoping that she really does think this isn't such a bad idea.

"Yeah, of course. Oh, you guys will be so great. And talk about beautiful babies. Not to mention lucky to have parents like you."

I look at her face and see that she's serious. I smile and blush. "I hope so."

"I know so. Abby, you're a natural. And Carter? Well, that man was born to be a father. He's gonna be terrific. A little neurotic maybe, but great nonetheless."

"Yeah. I know." That's the one part in this whole thing that I'm absolutely sure about. Carter's gonna be a fantastic dad.

"So is that what the business in the exam room was all about?"

"Well, sort of. I mean, I think it was really about that whole ' getting reacquainted' thing. But the whole … baby thing is a good excuse. Or maybe just a good aphrodisiac."

"Really?" She raises an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah … apparently telling him that I want a baby is like the biggest turn-on I could have ever come up with."

"Well, that's kinda weird." She pauses and seems to think for a moment. "Although I guess not really. I mean, it must be a pretty heady thing. Trying to create a new life and all."

"Yeah, it's pretty … awesome." I say, for lack of a better description. And maybe that is about the best way to put it. It really is pretty awe-inspiring.

"So how long has this been going on?"

"Huh? Oh … uh, since last night."

"What?" She seems surprised.

"Yeah. I just told him last night when he got home. And we, uh, got right to work."

"I see. So, uh, when did you decide?"

"Oh, I don't know. I guess I've been thinking about it for awhile now. I mean, I know John wants kids. Not that we've ever really talked about it, but I guess I never asked him because I already knew. And he probably never asked me because he knew it was a sensitive subject for me. Or maybe he was afraid of what I would say. Afraid I would tell him that I didn't want kids, ever. There certainly was a time when I felt that way. Well, not that I didn't want it, but that I really shouldn't do it. That I wasn't meant to have children."

"Because of your mom?" I nod. "But you're not bipolar so …" she shrugs and gives me a questioning look.

"No, but I could still pass it on."

"What are the chances, though? Low, right? I mean, it's gotta be a less than ten percent chance, right?"

"Something like that. But leave it me to bring in that long-shot."

"Well, so what? I mean, it wouldn't be a good thing. But you guys could handle it. Carter's not going anywhere. And besides, you know what to look for, you'd see the signs and get help right away. Being the parent instead of the child means you'd be in charge."

"Yeah, unless it was like with Eric and the symptoms didn't show up until later."

"How do you know he didn't show signs as a kid? You were just a kid yourself. Your mom was too sick and your dad was gone. So who would notice? But believe me Abby, if it's your child, you would notice. And it won't be easy. It'll hurt. But you just love them so much … I mean, you just have no idea what having a child will teach you about love. And any amount of pain that you suffer is worth it, just for the privilege of having them in your life. And you know that's true from all your years in OB. If the pain isn't worth it, no woman would voluntarily go through that again."

"Yeah, but this wouldn't be one day of suffering, it would be a whole lifetime. And not just me. John. Our child. I'm still worried that I couldn't handle it."

"But look at Eric, Abby. I mean, I know how much it hurts you that he's sick. But still, you'd rather have a sick brother, than no brother at all, right?"

"Yeah, of course. Still, my childhood was so messed up. I didn't exactly have the best mother role model, so I worry what kind of mother I'll be. Not to mention the fact I'm an alcoholic. Carter's been through rehab himself. Are we really the best people to be raising a child? I mean, just because it's what I want, is it the right thing? I mean, am I being selfish?"

"Well, when you think about it, most of us have children for selfish reasons. It's not usually for some noble cause. But that's the way it's supposed to be. Nature made sure there would be this natural desire to have children so that the species won't die out."

"Species? Susan, we're human beings, not spider monkeys. And don't we have some responsibility to think through the consequences of our actions?"

"Well, of course. But Abby, the fact that you've thought about this so much, just goes to show what a good parent you'll be. Most people just jump in without a moment's thought. You've already considered the things that can go wrong, but you still want to do it. That you would even think about the bigger picture already puts you ahead of a lot of the other people who are out there breeding. Think of all the people we see at work who really should not be parents, but are. Trust me, you and Carter will be great."

"I really do hope so. I'm sure he will be great. I think that's part of the reason that I want to do this, in spite of my fears. Because he really should be a father. Every time I see him with kids at work, I just melt. I mean, he's wonderful with them. He always knows just what to say. He's honest, but gentle and treats them with respect. And his face just lights up when he's around kids. I don't want to be the one to hold him back from experiencing that kind of happiness. The kind he could only experience as a father. And what kid wouldn't want him for a dad? Or course that means they get stuck with me for a mom …"

"Abby. Don't start that. In case you haven't noticed, you're pretty great with kids yourself. You'll be just fine." The waitress returns and puts our food down and we are momentarily busy with preparing our burgers and fries. Until Susan gets back to the subject at hand. "So watching Carter in the ER with kids is what made you want to have his baby?"

"Well, I think that's what got me started thinking about it. But then I started thinking about it more and more. And then there was this whole trip to Guatemala."

"Ah yes, you're initiation in the to wonderful world of midwifery."

"Yeah, you know, it was different from my days in OB somehow. I was happy, I really was. Carter thinks that I was just basking in all the power and glory. And as much as I loved the fact that I was helping these women in a way no one else really could, that wasn't really what was making me so happy. It was this sense of possibility that I never had in OB. Maybe because then, I was watching all these happy mothers with their new babies and thinking that I would never know that happiness. But in Guatemala, suddenly it seemed like maybe I could have a chance at that happiness too, you know?" She nods to show she's listening while she chomps through her burger, so I continue.

"I mean, if these women could do it in spite of all their hardships, why couldn't I? You should see the way some of these women live, Susan. I mean, they've got all these kids and no money. They work their fingers to the bone all day. No heat, no electricity, no running water. Not a whole lot of hope for improving their lives. So you would think that bringing another child into the world wouldn't exactly be cause for celebration. And maybe for some of them it wasn't. But most of them seemed incredibly happy and grateful to have a new baby. Even if it meant one more mouth to feed. Even if it meant that much more work for them. It was still a good thing. And I don't know … I guess, I just started to realize that I wanted a chance to experience that kind of joy in my life. On the plane, coming home without Carter, worried that somehow, something would happen to him while we were apart, I just realized how much I wanted to have a child with him. Be a family. And I didn't want to wait anymore."

"Aww, that's so sweet. I think you made the right decision. Of course, I am going to miss you terribly."

"Miss me?"

"Yeah, when you're home with the baby."

"Oh."

"I mean, I just assumed you'd stay home, at least most of the time. Or are you gonna come back to work?"

"Oh, I … uh, I don't know."

"Well if you do come back, the daycare center is really nice, and then the baby would be close. But maybe you'd rather have a nanny or a baby-sitter. I guess it depends on how much you're working."

"I guess I haven't really thought about it."

"Or maybe you'll get a job in some cushy doctor's office out in the suburbs, stay close to home."

"Home? Suburbs?"

"Oh, are you going to get a house in the city? I mean, the school system isn't really all that great, but there are lots of private schools. "

"A house? Schools?"

"Is there an echo in here? I guess you haven't really has a chance to plan any of this yet , huh?"

"No, I guess not." Plan it? I didn't even realize any of this was stuff I should be thinking about. Maybe I haven't really given this whole thing enough thought. I mean, up until this conversation with Susan, I'd managed to block out and forget about so many of my fears. But suddenly, in spite of her reassurances, and even my own heartfelt explanation about how I came to this decision, I'm feeling a bit unsure. Do I really know what I'm getting myself into?

"Abby? Are you okay?" She asks. She must have caught the look on my face.

Before I can answer, the door opens and Carter appears, giving me a big grin. I try my best to smile back. I guess it's good enough because he doesn't comment. Instead he slides into the booth next me and drapes his arm over my shoulder as he gives me a little kiss on the cheek.

"Hello, ladies. Oh, hamburgers. Yum. I hope you ordered one for me."

"You can have mine. I'm not hungry after all." I say as I push my practically untouched plate towards him.

"What's this? Morning sickness kicking in already? See, I told you, Abby. The virility of the Carter sperm is completely unmatched." As soon as the words are out of his mouth, his face turns red, and he glances at Susan.

She just bursts out laughing. "It's okay, Abby already told me about your little … uh, project."

"You told her?" He asks me.

Susan answers for me. "Well, I insisted on knowing why you two were uh …"

"Humping like jackrabbits all day." I supply, somewhat distractedly.

"That's not what I said, Abby."

"It was something like that." I say with a little wave of my hand to indicate that it doesn't really matter anyway.

"Whatever. Anyway, so Abby really had no choice but to tell me."

"Oh. Jackrabbits?" He gives me an amused look before turning back to Susan. "Well, anyway … good, I'm glad you already know. Otherwise I'd probably be in big trouble, huh Ab?" he gives Susan a wink. I mumble something that must pass for an actual response since they continue chatting with each other.

"And don't worry, Abby's already warned me not to say anything. So you guys are safe from the rumor mill for now."

"Speaking of the rumor mill, Susan … what's this I hear about you and Luka?" Carter asks.

"Me and Luka? I don't know, you tell me. What exactly did you hear?"

"Nothing much. Just that you two have been spending some time together lately. Laughing in the lounge, hanging out here. I think I heard something about a date, last week?"

"Not a date. Coffee. Just coffee."

"Was there pie involved? Maybe hot fudge sundaes? Because then I'm gonna have to go with the whole 'it's a date' thing, right Abby?" He nudges me and I nod in the affirmative. I've heard them, but not really. But I hear exactly what Carter says as he continues. "Oh come on Susan, stop dragging your heels. If you hurry up, maybe our kids can go to school together."

"Kids? Carter, I hate to tell you, but even though in the language that you and Abby share 'coffee and pie' might mean 'sex,' to the rest of the world, it's just a snack. Okay? We had coffee, not sex. So unless you can get pregnant from sharing the same creamer, I won't be having kids anytime soon."

"Coffee and pie? See, I told you it was a date."

"No, it wasn't."

"Sure it was. Abby? Don't you think so? Coffee and pie, that's definitely a date, right?"

"Yeah, sure." For the first time Carter seems to notice how distracted I am.

"Abby, is everything all right?" he asks.

"Oh God, you're not upset that we're talking about Luka and I, are you?"

"What? No. Why would I be? If you and Luka have something going, I think that's great."

"Well, we don't."

"Well, you could." Carter counters.

"John Carter, matchmaker extraordinaire. Thanks for the advice."

"Just trying to be helpful."

Suddenly I can't take it anymore. I can't sit here in the corner of this booth, listening to the two of them argue or whatever the hell they are doing while I'm lost in my suddenly confused thoughts. Inexplicably, I feel trapped. It's almost like I can't really breathe. I just need to get out.

"I gotta go." I say. Carter gives me a puzzled look. "I'm serious, John. Let me out, okay?"

"Abby, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." I tell him. "I just … I have to get back and check on a patient. I forgot to hang a new IV for Mr. Johnson, so I'd better go check on him. You stay here, talk to Susan. Eat that burger." He stands up and lets me out of the booth. I give him a quick kiss on the cheek and head toward the door. I catch the confused look that he and Susan share, but I keep on going. Out the door, without a single look back.