PART 2: NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK
The entire Argonaut-tribe was gathered on the high cliff from which Zion had been looking down on the city a few hours ago, Now the whole tribe could share this moment. They had been living on the countryside for a long time now, and it felt so strange to see a city again.
There was tension in the air too, ofcourse. Who knew what dangers could still be there, hidding in that seemingly peaceful city, crouching in the shadows, ready to strike.
You could start thinking of a lot of doom-scenario's when you were just standing there in the drizzling rain, looking at those grey buildings. It had been a home to thousands, a home of concrete, glass, steel and barbed wire... a home to the pre-virus-mentality. Stackable people had lived in those large building that seemed to want to pierce the sky.
Had they really been away for this long? It was like they were cavemen, that first lay eyes on a modern city. But they had only been living in the comfort of nature for a few years. What a strange experience it was, to come back home.
Iz was sitting on the edge of the cliff, legs dangling, looking at the city as if that was a new berry, one of which you couldn't tell whether it was poisonous or not.
Jax looked nervous, but so did the others.
"Come on, guys. You're looking like a bunch of people from the Middle-Ages. Let's just climb down and find a place to stay,"Zion said firmly. He was their Fearless Leader and they would follow him. Sometimes it was so much easier to be led... most people were just sheep afterall, not able to really make their own decisions. It wasn't their fault, most people just aren't stimulated enough to think for themselves, to be leaders.
Zion took the lead on the way to the city, and the others followed.
*
If it had been the strangest sensation to look down on the city; actually walking between those high, massive buildings was even more bizarre. Those large shadows closing you in, those deserted ashpalt roads. When you've gotten used to being closed in by nothing but trees, the city might seem like a place to get claustrophobic.
It was scary too. Everything was so silent. Deserted buildings with broken windows, deserted streets with some cars parked right in the middle of them, deserted sidewalks where junk lay scattered. And that eerie silence... The tribe had felt like they had gotten parts in a horrormovie, a reallife horrormovie.
Zion noticed the anxiousness in his group. It sort of got to him too; this overwhelming place, that used to be buzzing with activity, so totally abondoned. A ghostcity. Maybe there was really no living thing left here.
Zion got over it. Come on, you're not seriously gonna let this scare you, right? What's to be scared about anyway, it's just an empty city, full of junk, death has chased every creature away, except for the rats, maybe.
Death. It was an almost inaudible whisper in the streets. The wind carried the rotten, sickening flavour of it, the buildings had soaked up the emotions of dying people like spunges, and they were trying to tell you something. Secrets. About death still reigning in this city.
God, Zion thought, don't get so carried away. There is no more virus, it's exstinct. Now, come on, get over it.
"Okay,"Zion said, "guess it's time to find a place to stay.
It wouldn't be hard to find a place to stay at all. They didn't have to walk the streets, in which the air was thick with silence, for long. They walked past a hospital, and Raja came up with the idea of staying there. Plenty of beds, maybe medication if necessary...
Zion was hesitant at first. All the people that died there... He could just imagine walking through the empty corridors of the hospital one night, hearing their cries of pain, their struggle to breathe, their -there are no such things as ghosts, Fearless Leader!
Right. There were no such things as ghosts, and he was the Argonauts Fearless Leader. He didn't know why he got so worked up about this. Raja was right, a hospital was a good place to stay. At least for the winter. When spring brought the green and the warm wind back to the land, Zion would be more than happy to trade the cold, hard city for pleasant nature again, with its wild, precious fragrance and gentle curves.
He wasn't the only one.
Zion looked up at the high, greyish white building, that used to be a home to the sick and the weak. Now it was home to whispers of a horrible past -don't get dramatic, Zion thought, it is now home to the Argonaut-tribe.
"Well then. Guess we've found our place to stay,"Zion said. The other tribemembers looked a bit anxious, it was clear they had been thinking the same as Zion. Nevertheless they followed, they would need some sort of home afterall, and the hospital was a good place to stay.
They entered the great hall of the hospital, painted in dirty white and sickly green. Why were hospitals never painted in nice, happy colours? Colours that would cheer the patients up, so they might heal faster or something? Another great question of life, and one that probably would never be answered now.
On the first floor there were a lot of rooms for revalidation-therapy, there was something that looked like a gym, a barbershop even, a lab, offices for some doctors that had undoubtly been important when this hospital was still used, rooms for echoscopy and stuff like that. Very interesting, but not of much use.
On the second floor they found rooms with beds, and operationrooms.
"Oh sweet!"Iz said as she rushed into an intensive care-room, in which there was only one bed. She threw her backpack in a corner and fell down on the bed. "My own room,"she said.
She stretched her hand out to Zion, who was standing in the dooropening. "Oh Fearless Leader. Cough, cough. How nice of you to visit me while I'm sick. I'll never forget it,"she said, making her voice sound hoarse and weak.
Zion rolled his eyes and walked on.
*
Hospitals weren't as bad as they seemed. Plenty of beds and a lot of space, that was for sure. The hospital had remained relatively untouched, it had become somewhat of a portal to Hell to most kids, after seeing their parents die in it. Besides, there wasn't much food to be find there. Something the Argonauts also discovered.
"Well, no problem. We still got some good old naturefood. We'll try to find some tomorrow,"Kera said.
With those words, the Argonauts put a stop to their worries, at least for today. They had found a new home.
*
"Hey, Raja. Whatchu doing?"
Raja looked up from the book she had been reading and saw Iz standing in the doorway of the small office.
"Oh, just reading. This must've been the office of some important doctors. There are a lot of interesting books here. About medication, and surgery, and stuff like that. Man, once you've read all these books, you're almost a doctor yourself,"Raja said with a smile.
"Nayaya,"Aaron said, who was playing on the floor.
"So you wanna become a doctor, then?"Iz asked.
"Well, I can never become a real one, ofcourse. But if I study this long along, who knows, maybe I might be able to help people. These books tell you something about stitching wounds, staunching a bloodflow, applying bandages. And this hospital still has supplies. If I learn how to do all those things, I might be able to help people. I would like that,"Raja said.
"Man, school's finally over for good, and you're still trying to learn something,"Iz said.
"I liked school actually,"Raja said innocently. "Especially mathematics."
"What were you, the teacher's pet?! Mathematics, yuk. If there was one thing I hated about school, it was math. The people at school tried to force it upon me, the narrowminded fiends!"
"Well... it was a schoolsubject,"Raja said, the innocent look never leaving her face.
"No, no, no, you shouldn't look at it like that. The way I looked at it: math is a religion."
"A religion?"
"Yeah, you have to believe in it. I mean, who can say that's it's really true, that when you put 1 and 1 together you get another number, a whole different thing? And why should 'a' and 'b' become 'c' all of the sudden? Does that make sense? Only if you believe in it, and that's why math is a religion. And Pythagoras is like the highpriest or something."
"Well, I... never looked at it like that,"Raja said, a bit confused.
"So I told my math-teacher that I was a math-atheist, and that he shouldn't force his religion on to me, and that if he would, I would complain about it to the government. Well, needless to say my teacher didn't listen and neither did the government. I hated school. Glad it's over. Well, I'll be on my way again. Sorry for bothering you,"Iz said.
Raja looked at Iz amazed. The words had came flowing out of the blackhaired girl's mouth like a waterfall. "Eh, it's okay. What were you doing anyway?"Raja asked, just out of interest.
"Is it any of your business? Just checking out the hospital, is all,"Iz said and she left again.
Raja shrugged her shoulders, gave her babyboy a smile and got back to her studies.
*
Jax was sitting on the edge of his hospitalbed. Exactly one hour ago Zion had declared this hospital their new home, and Jax had picked this intensive care-room for himself, with only one bed in it. The lovely sickly green curtains were still shut, and it was dark in the room.
The door was shut and the room was captured in some sort of bubble of silence. Nothing penetrated. Jax sat there, alone on his bed, not moving. He didn't like the small room. But why did he choose it then?
He had to open that door, part the curtains, open the windows, find a bigger room, or else he just might suffocate here. He didn't like small spaces. But then why didn't he get up to open the door?
Jax didn't move. He didn't like being here. Not in this room, not in this hospital, not in the city. This place of concrete, with its lack of oxygen and walls that closed you in forced the breath out of his lungs, paralyzed him and made dizzy spots dance in front of his eyes.
Open the door, step outside, his subconscious told him. But he couldn't. This whole city closed him in, there would be nowhere where he could breathe properly. It would take a few more months before they would return to nature, just a few more months... but in situations like this you could only think in terms of eternity.
Jax couldn't tell the whole tribe to go back into nature, and he didn't want to be alone either. His carer, their fearless leader had made a decision, and he had no other choice but to obey, and hope those months would pass quickly.
*
Iz wandered around the hospital. She was bored (she was a girl that liked a bit of action, this Iz, and she got bored easily) and desperately needed something to do. When she got bored, she could act a bit weird or let her imagination carry her away to make something interesting of a situation.
She already made discovery-journey's over four floors of this big hospital. She now entered the next floor (she had to take the stairs, the elevators didn't work ofcourse) and she saw a very interesting blue sign that said 'Psychiatric Ward.'
It looked more interesting that all the other blue signs beneath it, pointing into different directions, so she decided to go check out the Psych-ward. Hehe, then she would know what that looked like too.
Iz pushed open a few doors and there she was: Psycho-Hall.
She walked around and spotted a recreationroom with a tv (that wouldn't work ofcourse, what a shame), a livingroom without tv, a diningroom, lots of rooms for the patients. Most of them looking pretty normal, decorated and stuff.
And -oh cool, an isolationchamber. Iz looked through the small window in the heavy door and saw a small, empty space. There was a heavy lock on the door. Huh, cool.
Her next discovery was the small office of the nurses, and after that another small room that was nearly empty except for a bed with straps attached to it. Hey, that's one of those beds to which they tie the psycho's.
Iz entered the room and let herself fall on the bed. "Gggh. Mind you, I am Napoleon! The most powerful man that ever lived. Oh, I came in a rocketcar,"Iz said in a weird voice, playing crazy. She had always loved acting in the sanctuary and silence of her own room before the Virus.
Iz jumped up and down with her tongue out of her mouth and made it look like she was auditioning for a part in 'The Exorcist.'
"Ahhh, stay away from me,"she said through giggles. "I have devilish powers beyond your understanding!!"
"Hm, Iz? What are you doing?"
Iz startled when she heard the voice and looked up to see Randy standing in the dooropening.
"Hm, eh... nothing,"Iz said quickly.
"Riiiight. Come on, it's time for dinner,"Randy said. "I had to walk up all those stairs to find you,"he added, a little bit annoyed.
"Wouldn't want to miss the first dinner in our new home,"Iz said cheerily and followed Randy to the first floor.
*
Iz walked into the 'diningroom', which was really the hospital's cafetaria. "I like it here,"she said as she seated herself at a table, next to the fearless leader.
Randy sat next to Justine ofcourse, and shot her a sweet smile. If anyone else would do that, Justine would simply roll her eyes in disgust, but in Randy's case she responded with a smile herself.
Raja walked in, holding her babyboy Aaron. She moved with a grace that didn't quite seem to fit her, the short young mother in her pretty careless clothes. A very normal person. And still there was something special about it, so thought Dart at least. Oh wait, he couldn't think that.
Dart shook his head, as to get rid of his strange admiration for this young girl, who was so obviously a weakling. A complete contrast with himself ofcourse, the cold warrior who was in complete control of himself.
Kita appeared, in full glory. Heads turned. She had been determined to make an appearance on this first dinner. She had changed her black jeans for a long flowing skirt in a tropical blue colour, and instead of her sporty footwear she now wore those elegant sandels she adored. Attention was drawn to her eyes, smoked with eyeliner and surrounded with small crystals.
Scott looked at her in complete admiration, worshipping her as if she was a goddess, not even knowing the look of his face was that of a starving dog that saw a nice, juicy steak.
Kita walked past him, not even noticing him. Instead, she asked: "Where is Jax?"
"Who cares, the little twat will come down when he's hungry. Now, is it time for dinner?"Trojan asked.
"Yeah, I'm hungry. Jax has been called for dinner, if he doesn't wanna come down, that's too bad for him,"Iz said.
Zion was hesistant, but the others all looked hungry, so Kera just served the dinner she made, of the last of the supplies. Kera was a fantastic cook, and she had really done her best. She was a bit superstitious, and she believed the first meal that was served in a new home, had to be an exceptionally good meal.
The whole tribe enjoyed the food Kera had made so much, they pretty much forgot about Jax.
*
The whole group -save Jax- was sitting in the cafetaria, laughing, talking and enjoying the meal Kera made. They didn't worry about the fact that the food they were now consuming was the last they had, those were tomorrow's worries, Zion had told them.
"Hey Dart, can I have your samurai-sword?"Iz asked the blonde warrior.
"It's not a samurai-sword, it's a 15th century English handcrafted broadsword. What do you want it for?"Dart asked coldly.
"Why, to pare my fruit with ofcourse! Here, these apples. And these strawberries. And the raspberries. I'm used to paring raspberries. with a samurai-sword. Oh, and this Mars-bar; I always slice those, until I have only caramel left,"Iz said.
"Mars-bar? Where did you find that?"Raja asked.
"Behind the counter. There's a lot of candy there. Oh, and I will also need the samurai-sword to slice this salt. Maybe you should do that, coz that's such hard work. Afterwards you're beat. But then you do know what real salt tastes like! And that's important too,"Iz stated.
Dart mumbled "idiotic woman" underneath his breath, and Iz showed him a grin, before turning to Randy and Justine. "Does he know what real salt tastes like?"she asked, pointing to Randy. "No? Well, then you gotta buy a samurai-sword, and some salt for his birthday. Okay? I mean, I don't wanna interfer with your relationship, but I think it'll do good."
Justine and Randy exchanged funny glances.
Dinner was closed off with some candy behind the counter as dessert. There was so much sugar in all of it, that it couldn't really go bad, although some of it tasted a bit old.
Zion wondered where Jax had been all night. He didn't even come down for dinner, even though it had been a long, exhausting day, the kid had to be starving. So why hadn't Jax come down to get something to eat? Maybe he just wanted to be alone.
Zion was a bit dubious. In the case of Jax wanting to be alone, he had better not disturb the boy, because it was always hard to tell how he would react. Zion shrugged his shoulders a little uneasy and left some food on the table, so that Jax could eat if he came down, feeling hungry.
Raja carried a sleepy Aaron of the ground. He didn't eat much of the meal, but he didn't need to. Raja let him drink. Even though the child was a year and a half, his mother still nursed him; mothermilk was nutricious and gave a child immunity against diseases, which they needed in this world.
After Aaron had enough milk, Raja carried the little boy, who was hardly awake, to bed. Once again, Dart watched her. His eyes were cold as always, but inside he could feel something different than the bitter cold, just for a second. No icewater in his veins for a fraction of time; how weird.
This girl that dressed herself in peace and love, this Raja, she fascinated him limitlessly. The air of serenity that surrounded her, made her shimmer despite of her simple, messed-up appearance. He would never admit it; goes without saying. A warrior is without emotions, emotions will merely destroy him.
Then why did he have this strange experience when thinking about or looking at this girl, that seemed to be as perfect as an angel? Innocent, sweet, caring, cheery, a young mother. A vision of weakness, really. Then it had to be true about opposites attracting. Like a magnet, he felt drawn to this girl...
Stop it! Don't think about it, he told himself. Don't let a simple weakling mess up your head, make you lose your selfcontrol-
"Hey, Dartmeister! Penny for your thoughts?"
Dart was sort of startled by Iz's loud voice, although he didn't let her know it. For sure, that foolish girl would annoy him to death and remind him every day if she had this knowledge.
Dart shook his head and left the cafeteria, not responding when Raja gave him a shiny, happy "goodnight", with a voice covered in honey.
He didn't know what happened to him all of the sudden, but he would just have to forget about that girl.
*
Jax felt like a prisoner in the dark, silent, claustophobic room. At times he could heard Iz's loud, cheery laughter coming from downstairs. They were enjoying their meal there... all happy, together, celebrating they had found a new home. Jax wondered if anyone had even noticed he wasn't there.
Well, duh, ofcourse, not, he told himself. Do you think when they call you for dinner and you don't appear at the dinnertable, they would want to come and check on you? Talk about being self-centered, they're hungry and they wanna eat. They already called you for dinner... it's your fault you can't go downstairs.
Jax was getting hungry. He hadn't eaten all day. But somehow, the thought of going downstairs, to the cafeteria, scared him so much that his knees started to shake. That small cafeteria, he would be there locked in by loud walls, surrounded and closed in by their laughter and talking that bounced from the walls and seemed ten times louder to him than to anyone.
At the same time... why did everything feel so distant? He felt like he was about to lose consciousness, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. He wondered what he could do to make that scary feeling, that his body disconnected his mind, go away.
Why was everything so weird for him? Why was this world such a cold and alienating place for him? It puzzled him and scared him to know limit. Did the others ever feel like this?
Probably not, they aren't the weirdo's here, Jax thought.
What reason did he really have to feel so miserable? They found a new home, nothing went wrong, downstairs they were having a celebrationmeal... What reason? What reason to just pathetically lay in your room and ruin the atmosphere.
Jax thought about this. He knew he was selfish. He was always being selfish, ruining it for other people.
Sitting here on the edge of his bed, wondering why his friendly fellow- tribemembers didn't come to check on him right away, wondering why he wasn't the first thing that came to their mind, when all they wanted to do was have some fun... Bloody self-centered and childish, really, Jax told himself.
On one side he wanted someone to check up on him. He wanted someone here, but didn't know how to call someone, make it so that a person was drawn to his room. So all he could do was think why they didn't come, while they didn't even know something was wrong. 'God, how pathetic am I?'Jax thought.
He suddenly realised it fully. He was pathetic. And what good had he ever done for this tribe, that took him in despite of him being the psycho, the reason why all the other tribes didn't want him.
Jax could remember that perfectly. Zion and he had travelled around and all the tribes had refused them, saying Jax was a weirdo and that he belonged in a mental asylum. Zion had some really good qualities, he could've just joined one of those tribes and leave Jax behind. Instead, he sticked with him, travelling through the wilderness looking for a tribe that would accept the both of them. Zion had to suffer because of him.
Guess that's always the case, Jax thought.
Why did he always feel so weird like this? Why did he have to act this weird? He couldn't help it... but it was horrible and unfair, and it caused everyone trouble. Really, this tribe was better of rid of him, he realised that a long time ago.
'So pathetic. Thinking they care about you, while all you've done is causing them trouble, hurting them, and you've probably also annoyed them to death with all your weird moods. But hey, it's not their fault, you know that. They've tried. They took you in, gave you clothes and food. All in vain, and they found out who you really are. You can't possibly blame them for hating you,'a small voice said to Jax.
Jax knew that voice. It was always with him, inside his head, going everywhere he went. The voice never had anything nice to say. Just cruel words. Words that stong, that bite, that paralyze. But also, the voice always told to the truth.
"Zion cares. He said we'd be like brothers,"Jax protested weakly, out loud.
'Zion has had enough of you, you retard. Yeah, he tried, sacrificed himself and his own needs for you a million times, couldn't join any tribe before he had found one that would also accept you, and still you're bugging him. Still you won't leave him alone, with all your small, stupid, insignificant problems. Poor Zion, really. Having to put up with you.'
Jax nodded, knowing that the voice always told the truth. And he had to accept it. Who was he to bother all the others? Was he an important person? On the contrary! No, he was no-one, no-one, just an insignificant little person, just pathetic, sitting in his room, rocking back and forth, wondering why none of his fellow-tribemembers come to check up on him and God he's so PATHETIC!!
The voice again. Back in his head. It was always there, munching on his brains, throwing a dark veil over his mind.
'Would you just finish yourself off already? Do everyone else a huge favour. Every other person as weak as you would've already killed himself off ages ago, to make the world a better place!'
Jax covered his ears, as if that could make the voice stop. He felt how his eyes went wet, and his sight went blurry.
'What? You're... you're gonna cry now?! Oh, that's REALLY the bloody limit! Aw, look at that, he's crying... Weakling. You know, you make people puke. Disgusting.'
Jax winced. Why couldn't he think as empty as he felt?
'Because you know I'm right,'the voice said. 'And hey, someone has to remind you. Has to make sure you're doing the right thing. But come on, I'm not all bad. Hey, you know what, I bet I can even help you. Take you to a nice place..."
"Go away,"Jax whispered in a hoarse voice.
'I just wanna help. Nothing to be scared of, remember, we're doing the world a favour here. So that if you die, people at least have SOMETHING good to remember you by.'
"Go away,"Jax said, a little louder.
'Just wanna help.'
"I don't want your help, go away!"Jax said out loud.
'Oh, but yes you do want me help. Hospital here. Lots of nice, sharp objects. Undoubtly still around. Do you remember what it felt like last time? You do, don't you. A sharp blade, watching the bleeding, in brute vermillion parts. There can be beauty in that. And for a while, pain on the outside killed the pain on the inside. Though this time, I don't think pain alone will be good enough. It'll just take a little more courage and then... game over, and everyone that stays behind will be happy. Very much including Trojan, coz it's really working on his nerves, you following him around the entire time. He hates you the most.'
That was the final blow. Jax got of his bed and left the room, dazed and confused. He didn't even know where to go, didn't know the way, but he knew what he had to find. Now. It was getting too his mind so much, he thought that in a second he would be gone completely. Tiny red sharp things were feeding on his brain, sending sharp pain and thoughts that were too chaotic for words through it.
He entered a room, didn't even know which one. As if in trance, he pulled open drawers violently, until he found what he looked for. Something sharp. He held up the blade, watched it shimmer in the moonlight that fell through the window... Pretty. And death could also be beautiful, so the voice told him.
"Jax? What are you doing?"
Jax was startled by the loud voice. That was Zion. Suddenly he was thrown back into reality. He quickly put the scalpel away. Zion couldn't see it. Even though the leader would undoubtly be happy to be rid of him, it wouldn't be a pretty sight to non-weirdo's, the voices had told Jax that.
"What were you doing?" Zion repeated his question.
Jax turned to his carer. Luckily it was dark, so Zion couldn't have possibly seen anything. The chaotic thoughts and the nasty voice stayed in Jax's mind, but when someone was around, it was bearable... to a certain limit. For Zion he controlled himself.
"Nothing,"Jax said.
Zion nodded, a little uneasy. "Why weren't you at dinner?"he asked.
"Not hungry. Nauseous and stuff. Maybe I'm sick,"Jax said.
"Really?" Zion looked concerned.
'Great, now you're also making him feel like he has the responsibility to worry about you,'the voice said with a sigh. Jax heard it. He had heard everything. And he knew all of it was true, and far beyond enough.
He just had to wait for his chance.
*
Zion walked past Jax's bedroom. The door to the room was wide open, as well as the window's, and the curtains were pulled off. Jax was laying in bed like a London Museum-mummy.
"Are ya really okay?"Zion asked one more time to make sure. He didn't know why, but he started to get this strange feeling about Jax. That feeling you can get in your stomach when you're riding a rollercauster or looking at a really nasty wound.
"Yeah. Just trying to sleep,"Jax said coldly.
"Okay. G'night then,"Zion said and he walked on.
Jax was really trying to sleep, but he didn't have much luck. He wished they would just leave this city and return to nature. But those were just selfish thoughts and were supposed to be ignored.
*
It must've been coincidence, that Dart had chosen the room next to Raja's as his own. He could hear her breathing through the thin wall that seperated them.
It was cold here. The winter was coming with its icey breath, and the hospital had no heating. The sheets were thin, as hospitalsheets usually are. The members of the Argonaut-tribe were freezing in their beds. For some reason it seemed colder here than on the countryside.
Dart was a warrior and wasn't affected by such simple torments as the weather, although he wasn't able to fall asleep either. So that's why he was still awake when the door to his room opened and a slender, small silhouet appeared in the dooropening.
The girl was clearly only half-awake; if not, she wouldn't have even thought of trying this. Raja was holding her baby, shivering and shaking in the cold air and she looked sleepy and innocent.
She crawled in bed next to him. "It's cold,"she said in a childish voice and rolled up like a kittykat, right next to him, her babyboy sleeping in the hole of her arms.
Dart was amazed, but didn't make any protests. He looked at the miraculous creature next to him, at the ocean of blonde hair that was, for a change, not tied up. He reached out with his hand to touch that hair... but then came to his senses again.
He ignored the warmth next to him, rolled onto his other side and fell asleep.
The entire Argonaut-tribe was gathered on the high cliff from which Zion had been looking down on the city a few hours ago, Now the whole tribe could share this moment. They had been living on the countryside for a long time now, and it felt so strange to see a city again.
There was tension in the air too, ofcourse. Who knew what dangers could still be there, hidding in that seemingly peaceful city, crouching in the shadows, ready to strike.
You could start thinking of a lot of doom-scenario's when you were just standing there in the drizzling rain, looking at those grey buildings. It had been a home to thousands, a home of concrete, glass, steel and barbed wire... a home to the pre-virus-mentality. Stackable people had lived in those large building that seemed to want to pierce the sky.
Had they really been away for this long? It was like they were cavemen, that first lay eyes on a modern city. But they had only been living in the comfort of nature for a few years. What a strange experience it was, to come back home.
Iz was sitting on the edge of the cliff, legs dangling, looking at the city as if that was a new berry, one of which you couldn't tell whether it was poisonous or not.
Jax looked nervous, but so did the others.
"Come on, guys. You're looking like a bunch of people from the Middle-Ages. Let's just climb down and find a place to stay,"Zion said firmly. He was their Fearless Leader and they would follow him. Sometimes it was so much easier to be led... most people were just sheep afterall, not able to really make their own decisions. It wasn't their fault, most people just aren't stimulated enough to think for themselves, to be leaders.
Zion took the lead on the way to the city, and the others followed.
*
If it had been the strangest sensation to look down on the city; actually walking between those high, massive buildings was even more bizarre. Those large shadows closing you in, those deserted ashpalt roads. When you've gotten used to being closed in by nothing but trees, the city might seem like a place to get claustrophobic.
It was scary too. Everything was so silent. Deserted buildings with broken windows, deserted streets with some cars parked right in the middle of them, deserted sidewalks where junk lay scattered. And that eerie silence... The tribe had felt like they had gotten parts in a horrormovie, a reallife horrormovie.
Zion noticed the anxiousness in his group. It sort of got to him too; this overwhelming place, that used to be buzzing with activity, so totally abondoned. A ghostcity. Maybe there was really no living thing left here.
Zion got over it. Come on, you're not seriously gonna let this scare you, right? What's to be scared about anyway, it's just an empty city, full of junk, death has chased every creature away, except for the rats, maybe.
Death. It was an almost inaudible whisper in the streets. The wind carried the rotten, sickening flavour of it, the buildings had soaked up the emotions of dying people like spunges, and they were trying to tell you something. Secrets. About death still reigning in this city.
God, Zion thought, don't get so carried away. There is no more virus, it's exstinct. Now, come on, get over it.
"Okay,"Zion said, "guess it's time to find a place to stay.
It wouldn't be hard to find a place to stay at all. They didn't have to walk the streets, in which the air was thick with silence, for long. They walked past a hospital, and Raja came up with the idea of staying there. Plenty of beds, maybe medication if necessary...
Zion was hesitant at first. All the people that died there... He could just imagine walking through the empty corridors of the hospital one night, hearing their cries of pain, their struggle to breathe, their -there are no such things as ghosts, Fearless Leader!
Right. There were no such things as ghosts, and he was the Argonauts Fearless Leader. He didn't know why he got so worked up about this. Raja was right, a hospital was a good place to stay. At least for the winter. When spring brought the green and the warm wind back to the land, Zion would be more than happy to trade the cold, hard city for pleasant nature again, with its wild, precious fragrance and gentle curves.
He wasn't the only one.
Zion looked up at the high, greyish white building, that used to be a home to the sick and the weak. Now it was home to whispers of a horrible past -don't get dramatic, Zion thought, it is now home to the Argonaut-tribe.
"Well then. Guess we've found our place to stay,"Zion said. The other tribemembers looked a bit anxious, it was clear they had been thinking the same as Zion. Nevertheless they followed, they would need some sort of home afterall, and the hospital was a good place to stay.
They entered the great hall of the hospital, painted in dirty white and sickly green. Why were hospitals never painted in nice, happy colours? Colours that would cheer the patients up, so they might heal faster or something? Another great question of life, and one that probably would never be answered now.
On the first floor there were a lot of rooms for revalidation-therapy, there was something that looked like a gym, a barbershop even, a lab, offices for some doctors that had undoubtly been important when this hospital was still used, rooms for echoscopy and stuff like that. Very interesting, but not of much use.
On the second floor they found rooms with beds, and operationrooms.
"Oh sweet!"Iz said as she rushed into an intensive care-room, in which there was only one bed. She threw her backpack in a corner and fell down on the bed. "My own room,"she said.
She stretched her hand out to Zion, who was standing in the dooropening. "Oh Fearless Leader. Cough, cough. How nice of you to visit me while I'm sick. I'll never forget it,"she said, making her voice sound hoarse and weak.
Zion rolled his eyes and walked on.
*
Hospitals weren't as bad as they seemed. Plenty of beds and a lot of space, that was for sure. The hospital had remained relatively untouched, it had become somewhat of a portal to Hell to most kids, after seeing their parents die in it. Besides, there wasn't much food to be find there. Something the Argonauts also discovered.
"Well, no problem. We still got some good old naturefood. We'll try to find some tomorrow,"Kera said.
With those words, the Argonauts put a stop to their worries, at least for today. They had found a new home.
*
"Hey, Raja. Whatchu doing?"
Raja looked up from the book she had been reading and saw Iz standing in the doorway of the small office.
"Oh, just reading. This must've been the office of some important doctors. There are a lot of interesting books here. About medication, and surgery, and stuff like that. Man, once you've read all these books, you're almost a doctor yourself,"Raja said with a smile.
"Nayaya,"Aaron said, who was playing on the floor.
"So you wanna become a doctor, then?"Iz asked.
"Well, I can never become a real one, ofcourse. But if I study this long along, who knows, maybe I might be able to help people. These books tell you something about stitching wounds, staunching a bloodflow, applying bandages. And this hospital still has supplies. If I learn how to do all those things, I might be able to help people. I would like that,"Raja said.
"Man, school's finally over for good, and you're still trying to learn something,"Iz said.
"I liked school actually,"Raja said innocently. "Especially mathematics."
"What were you, the teacher's pet?! Mathematics, yuk. If there was one thing I hated about school, it was math. The people at school tried to force it upon me, the narrowminded fiends!"
"Well... it was a schoolsubject,"Raja said, the innocent look never leaving her face.
"No, no, no, you shouldn't look at it like that. The way I looked at it: math is a religion."
"A religion?"
"Yeah, you have to believe in it. I mean, who can say that's it's really true, that when you put 1 and 1 together you get another number, a whole different thing? And why should 'a' and 'b' become 'c' all of the sudden? Does that make sense? Only if you believe in it, and that's why math is a religion. And Pythagoras is like the highpriest or something."
"Well, I... never looked at it like that,"Raja said, a bit confused.
"So I told my math-teacher that I was a math-atheist, and that he shouldn't force his religion on to me, and that if he would, I would complain about it to the government. Well, needless to say my teacher didn't listen and neither did the government. I hated school. Glad it's over. Well, I'll be on my way again. Sorry for bothering you,"Iz said.
Raja looked at Iz amazed. The words had came flowing out of the blackhaired girl's mouth like a waterfall. "Eh, it's okay. What were you doing anyway?"Raja asked, just out of interest.
"Is it any of your business? Just checking out the hospital, is all,"Iz said and she left again.
Raja shrugged her shoulders, gave her babyboy a smile and got back to her studies.
*
Jax was sitting on the edge of his hospitalbed. Exactly one hour ago Zion had declared this hospital their new home, and Jax had picked this intensive care-room for himself, with only one bed in it. The lovely sickly green curtains were still shut, and it was dark in the room.
The door was shut and the room was captured in some sort of bubble of silence. Nothing penetrated. Jax sat there, alone on his bed, not moving. He didn't like the small room. But why did he choose it then?
He had to open that door, part the curtains, open the windows, find a bigger room, or else he just might suffocate here. He didn't like small spaces. But then why didn't he get up to open the door?
Jax didn't move. He didn't like being here. Not in this room, not in this hospital, not in the city. This place of concrete, with its lack of oxygen and walls that closed you in forced the breath out of his lungs, paralyzed him and made dizzy spots dance in front of his eyes.
Open the door, step outside, his subconscious told him. But he couldn't. This whole city closed him in, there would be nowhere where he could breathe properly. It would take a few more months before they would return to nature, just a few more months... but in situations like this you could only think in terms of eternity.
Jax couldn't tell the whole tribe to go back into nature, and he didn't want to be alone either. His carer, their fearless leader had made a decision, and he had no other choice but to obey, and hope those months would pass quickly.
*
Iz wandered around the hospital. She was bored (she was a girl that liked a bit of action, this Iz, and she got bored easily) and desperately needed something to do. When she got bored, she could act a bit weird or let her imagination carry her away to make something interesting of a situation.
She already made discovery-journey's over four floors of this big hospital. She now entered the next floor (she had to take the stairs, the elevators didn't work ofcourse) and she saw a very interesting blue sign that said 'Psychiatric Ward.'
It looked more interesting that all the other blue signs beneath it, pointing into different directions, so she decided to go check out the Psych-ward. Hehe, then she would know what that looked like too.
Iz pushed open a few doors and there she was: Psycho-Hall.
She walked around and spotted a recreationroom with a tv (that wouldn't work ofcourse, what a shame), a livingroom without tv, a diningroom, lots of rooms for the patients. Most of them looking pretty normal, decorated and stuff.
And -oh cool, an isolationchamber. Iz looked through the small window in the heavy door and saw a small, empty space. There was a heavy lock on the door. Huh, cool.
Her next discovery was the small office of the nurses, and after that another small room that was nearly empty except for a bed with straps attached to it. Hey, that's one of those beds to which they tie the psycho's.
Iz entered the room and let herself fall on the bed. "Gggh. Mind you, I am Napoleon! The most powerful man that ever lived. Oh, I came in a rocketcar,"Iz said in a weird voice, playing crazy. She had always loved acting in the sanctuary and silence of her own room before the Virus.
Iz jumped up and down with her tongue out of her mouth and made it look like she was auditioning for a part in 'The Exorcist.'
"Ahhh, stay away from me,"she said through giggles. "I have devilish powers beyond your understanding!!"
"Hm, Iz? What are you doing?"
Iz startled when she heard the voice and looked up to see Randy standing in the dooropening.
"Hm, eh... nothing,"Iz said quickly.
"Riiiight. Come on, it's time for dinner,"Randy said. "I had to walk up all those stairs to find you,"he added, a little bit annoyed.
"Wouldn't want to miss the first dinner in our new home,"Iz said cheerily and followed Randy to the first floor.
*
Iz walked into the 'diningroom', which was really the hospital's cafetaria. "I like it here,"she said as she seated herself at a table, next to the fearless leader.
Randy sat next to Justine ofcourse, and shot her a sweet smile. If anyone else would do that, Justine would simply roll her eyes in disgust, but in Randy's case she responded with a smile herself.
Raja walked in, holding her babyboy Aaron. She moved with a grace that didn't quite seem to fit her, the short young mother in her pretty careless clothes. A very normal person. And still there was something special about it, so thought Dart at least. Oh wait, he couldn't think that.
Dart shook his head, as to get rid of his strange admiration for this young girl, who was so obviously a weakling. A complete contrast with himself ofcourse, the cold warrior who was in complete control of himself.
Kita appeared, in full glory. Heads turned. She had been determined to make an appearance on this first dinner. She had changed her black jeans for a long flowing skirt in a tropical blue colour, and instead of her sporty footwear she now wore those elegant sandels she adored. Attention was drawn to her eyes, smoked with eyeliner and surrounded with small crystals.
Scott looked at her in complete admiration, worshipping her as if she was a goddess, not even knowing the look of his face was that of a starving dog that saw a nice, juicy steak.
Kita walked past him, not even noticing him. Instead, she asked: "Where is Jax?"
"Who cares, the little twat will come down when he's hungry. Now, is it time for dinner?"Trojan asked.
"Yeah, I'm hungry. Jax has been called for dinner, if he doesn't wanna come down, that's too bad for him,"Iz said.
Zion was hesistant, but the others all looked hungry, so Kera just served the dinner she made, of the last of the supplies. Kera was a fantastic cook, and she had really done her best. She was a bit superstitious, and she believed the first meal that was served in a new home, had to be an exceptionally good meal.
The whole tribe enjoyed the food Kera had made so much, they pretty much forgot about Jax.
*
The whole group -save Jax- was sitting in the cafetaria, laughing, talking and enjoying the meal Kera made. They didn't worry about the fact that the food they were now consuming was the last they had, those were tomorrow's worries, Zion had told them.
"Hey Dart, can I have your samurai-sword?"Iz asked the blonde warrior.
"It's not a samurai-sword, it's a 15th century English handcrafted broadsword. What do you want it for?"Dart asked coldly.
"Why, to pare my fruit with ofcourse! Here, these apples. And these strawberries. And the raspberries. I'm used to paring raspberries. with a samurai-sword. Oh, and this Mars-bar; I always slice those, until I have only caramel left,"Iz said.
"Mars-bar? Where did you find that?"Raja asked.
"Behind the counter. There's a lot of candy there. Oh, and I will also need the samurai-sword to slice this salt. Maybe you should do that, coz that's such hard work. Afterwards you're beat. But then you do know what real salt tastes like! And that's important too,"Iz stated.
Dart mumbled "idiotic woman" underneath his breath, and Iz showed him a grin, before turning to Randy and Justine. "Does he know what real salt tastes like?"she asked, pointing to Randy. "No? Well, then you gotta buy a samurai-sword, and some salt for his birthday. Okay? I mean, I don't wanna interfer with your relationship, but I think it'll do good."
Justine and Randy exchanged funny glances.
Dinner was closed off with some candy behind the counter as dessert. There was so much sugar in all of it, that it couldn't really go bad, although some of it tasted a bit old.
Zion wondered where Jax had been all night. He didn't even come down for dinner, even though it had been a long, exhausting day, the kid had to be starving. So why hadn't Jax come down to get something to eat? Maybe he just wanted to be alone.
Zion was a bit dubious. In the case of Jax wanting to be alone, he had better not disturb the boy, because it was always hard to tell how he would react. Zion shrugged his shoulders a little uneasy and left some food on the table, so that Jax could eat if he came down, feeling hungry.
Raja carried a sleepy Aaron of the ground. He didn't eat much of the meal, but he didn't need to. Raja let him drink. Even though the child was a year and a half, his mother still nursed him; mothermilk was nutricious and gave a child immunity against diseases, which they needed in this world.
After Aaron had enough milk, Raja carried the little boy, who was hardly awake, to bed. Once again, Dart watched her. His eyes were cold as always, but inside he could feel something different than the bitter cold, just for a second. No icewater in his veins for a fraction of time; how weird.
This girl that dressed herself in peace and love, this Raja, she fascinated him limitlessly. The air of serenity that surrounded her, made her shimmer despite of her simple, messed-up appearance. He would never admit it; goes without saying. A warrior is without emotions, emotions will merely destroy him.
Then why did he have this strange experience when thinking about or looking at this girl, that seemed to be as perfect as an angel? Innocent, sweet, caring, cheery, a young mother. A vision of weakness, really. Then it had to be true about opposites attracting. Like a magnet, he felt drawn to this girl...
Stop it! Don't think about it, he told himself. Don't let a simple weakling mess up your head, make you lose your selfcontrol-
"Hey, Dartmeister! Penny for your thoughts?"
Dart was sort of startled by Iz's loud voice, although he didn't let her know it. For sure, that foolish girl would annoy him to death and remind him every day if she had this knowledge.
Dart shook his head and left the cafeteria, not responding when Raja gave him a shiny, happy "goodnight", with a voice covered in honey.
He didn't know what happened to him all of the sudden, but he would just have to forget about that girl.
*
Jax felt like a prisoner in the dark, silent, claustophobic room. At times he could heard Iz's loud, cheery laughter coming from downstairs. They were enjoying their meal there... all happy, together, celebrating they had found a new home. Jax wondered if anyone had even noticed he wasn't there.
Well, duh, ofcourse, not, he told himself. Do you think when they call you for dinner and you don't appear at the dinnertable, they would want to come and check on you? Talk about being self-centered, they're hungry and they wanna eat. They already called you for dinner... it's your fault you can't go downstairs.
Jax was getting hungry. He hadn't eaten all day. But somehow, the thought of going downstairs, to the cafeteria, scared him so much that his knees started to shake. That small cafeteria, he would be there locked in by loud walls, surrounded and closed in by their laughter and talking that bounced from the walls and seemed ten times louder to him than to anyone.
At the same time... why did everything feel so distant? He felt like he was about to lose consciousness, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. He wondered what he could do to make that scary feeling, that his body disconnected his mind, go away.
Why was everything so weird for him? Why was this world such a cold and alienating place for him? It puzzled him and scared him to know limit. Did the others ever feel like this?
Probably not, they aren't the weirdo's here, Jax thought.
What reason did he really have to feel so miserable? They found a new home, nothing went wrong, downstairs they were having a celebrationmeal... What reason? What reason to just pathetically lay in your room and ruin the atmosphere.
Jax thought about this. He knew he was selfish. He was always being selfish, ruining it for other people.
Sitting here on the edge of his bed, wondering why his friendly fellow- tribemembers didn't come to check on him right away, wondering why he wasn't the first thing that came to their mind, when all they wanted to do was have some fun... Bloody self-centered and childish, really, Jax told himself.
On one side he wanted someone to check up on him. He wanted someone here, but didn't know how to call someone, make it so that a person was drawn to his room. So all he could do was think why they didn't come, while they didn't even know something was wrong. 'God, how pathetic am I?'Jax thought.
He suddenly realised it fully. He was pathetic. And what good had he ever done for this tribe, that took him in despite of him being the psycho, the reason why all the other tribes didn't want him.
Jax could remember that perfectly. Zion and he had travelled around and all the tribes had refused them, saying Jax was a weirdo and that he belonged in a mental asylum. Zion had some really good qualities, he could've just joined one of those tribes and leave Jax behind. Instead, he sticked with him, travelling through the wilderness looking for a tribe that would accept the both of them. Zion had to suffer because of him.
Guess that's always the case, Jax thought.
Why did he always feel so weird like this? Why did he have to act this weird? He couldn't help it... but it was horrible and unfair, and it caused everyone trouble. Really, this tribe was better of rid of him, he realised that a long time ago.
'So pathetic. Thinking they care about you, while all you've done is causing them trouble, hurting them, and you've probably also annoyed them to death with all your weird moods. But hey, it's not their fault, you know that. They've tried. They took you in, gave you clothes and food. All in vain, and they found out who you really are. You can't possibly blame them for hating you,'a small voice said to Jax.
Jax knew that voice. It was always with him, inside his head, going everywhere he went. The voice never had anything nice to say. Just cruel words. Words that stong, that bite, that paralyze. But also, the voice always told to the truth.
"Zion cares. He said we'd be like brothers,"Jax protested weakly, out loud.
'Zion has had enough of you, you retard. Yeah, he tried, sacrificed himself and his own needs for you a million times, couldn't join any tribe before he had found one that would also accept you, and still you're bugging him. Still you won't leave him alone, with all your small, stupid, insignificant problems. Poor Zion, really. Having to put up with you.'
Jax nodded, knowing that the voice always told the truth. And he had to accept it. Who was he to bother all the others? Was he an important person? On the contrary! No, he was no-one, no-one, just an insignificant little person, just pathetic, sitting in his room, rocking back and forth, wondering why none of his fellow-tribemembers come to check up on him and God he's so PATHETIC!!
The voice again. Back in his head. It was always there, munching on his brains, throwing a dark veil over his mind.
'Would you just finish yourself off already? Do everyone else a huge favour. Every other person as weak as you would've already killed himself off ages ago, to make the world a better place!'
Jax covered his ears, as if that could make the voice stop. He felt how his eyes went wet, and his sight went blurry.
'What? You're... you're gonna cry now?! Oh, that's REALLY the bloody limit! Aw, look at that, he's crying... Weakling. You know, you make people puke. Disgusting.'
Jax winced. Why couldn't he think as empty as he felt?
'Because you know I'm right,'the voice said. 'And hey, someone has to remind you. Has to make sure you're doing the right thing. But come on, I'm not all bad. Hey, you know what, I bet I can even help you. Take you to a nice place..."
"Go away,"Jax whispered in a hoarse voice.
'I just wanna help. Nothing to be scared of, remember, we're doing the world a favour here. So that if you die, people at least have SOMETHING good to remember you by.'
"Go away,"Jax said, a little louder.
'Just wanna help.'
"I don't want your help, go away!"Jax said out loud.
'Oh, but yes you do want me help. Hospital here. Lots of nice, sharp objects. Undoubtly still around. Do you remember what it felt like last time? You do, don't you. A sharp blade, watching the bleeding, in brute vermillion parts. There can be beauty in that. And for a while, pain on the outside killed the pain on the inside. Though this time, I don't think pain alone will be good enough. It'll just take a little more courage and then... game over, and everyone that stays behind will be happy. Very much including Trojan, coz it's really working on his nerves, you following him around the entire time. He hates you the most.'
That was the final blow. Jax got of his bed and left the room, dazed and confused. He didn't even know where to go, didn't know the way, but he knew what he had to find. Now. It was getting too his mind so much, he thought that in a second he would be gone completely. Tiny red sharp things were feeding on his brain, sending sharp pain and thoughts that were too chaotic for words through it.
He entered a room, didn't even know which one. As if in trance, he pulled open drawers violently, until he found what he looked for. Something sharp. He held up the blade, watched it shimmer in the moonlight that fell through the window... Pretty. And death could also be beautiful, so the voice told him.
"Jax? What are you doing?"
Jax was startled by the loud voice. That was Zion. Suddenly he was thrown back into reality. He quickly put the scalpel away. Zion couldn't see it. Even though the leader would undoubtly be happy to be rid of him, it wouldn't be a pretty sight to non-weirdo's, the voices had told Jax that.
"What were you doing?" Zion repeated his question.
Jax turned to his carer. Luckily it was dark, so Zion couldn't have possibly seen anything. The chaotic thoughts and the nasty voice stayed in Jax's mind, but when someone was around, it was bearable... to a certain limit. For Zion he controlled himself.
"Nothing,"Jax said.
Zion nodded, a little uneasy. "Why weren't you at dinner?"he asked.
"Not hungry. Nauseous and stuff. Maybe I'm sick,"Jax said.
"Really?" Zion looked concerned.
'Great, now you're also making him feel like he has the responsibility to worry about you,'the voice said with a sigh. Jax heard it. He had heard everything. And he knew all of it was true, and far beyond enough.
He just had to wait for his chance.
*
Zion walked past Jax's bedroom. The door to the room was wide open, as well as the window's, and the curtains were pulled off. Jax was laying in bed like a London Museum-mummy.
"Are ya really okay?"Zion asked one more time to make sure. He didn't know why, but he started to get this strange feeling about Jax. That feeling you can get in your stomach when you're riding a rollercauster or looking at a really nasty wound.
"Yeah. Just trying to sleep,"Jax said coldly.
"Okay. G'night then,"Zion said and he walked on.
Jax was really trying to sleep, but he didn't have much luck. He wished they would just leave this city and return to nature. But those were just selfish thoughts and were supposed to be ignored.
*
It must've been coincidence, that Dart had chosen the room next to Raja's as his own. He could hear her breathing through the thin wall that seperated them.
It was cold here. The winter was coming with its icey breath, and the hospital had no heating. The sheets were thin, as hospitalsheets usually are. The members of the Argonaut-tribe were freezing in their beds. For some reason it seemed colder here than on the countryside.
Dart was a warrior and wasn't affected by such simple torments as the weather, although he wasn't able to fall asleep either. So that's why he was still awake when the door to his room opened and a slender, small silhouet appeared in the dooropening.
The girl was clearly only half-awake; if not, she wouldn't have even thought of trying this. Raja was holding her baby, shivering and shaking in the cold air and she looked sleepy and innocent.
She crawled in bed next to him. "It's cold,"she said in a childish voice and rolled up like a kittykat, right next to him, her babyboy sleeping in the hole of her arms.
Dart was amazed, but didn't make any protests. He looked at the miraculous creature next to him, at the ocean of blonde hair that was, for a change, not tied up. He reached out with his hand to touch that hair... but then came to his senses again.
He ignored the warmth next to him, rolled onto his other side and fell asleep.