AN: Here's where we start to get into the real
Ari/Angel stuff... but not what you think. I get more
into it later on... but i hope u enjoy this. review
and i'll post another chapter. dont review, i'll post
a chapter like two months later when i remember this
story. --emily
CHAPTER TEN: BIRTHDAY BITCH
I woke up the next morning a little confused as to where I was at first, but then after a moment remembered that I'd crashed at Angel's the night before, after patrol. I sat up in his bed, still in my clothes from yesterday, only my boots were on the ground next to the bed. I sat up, and felt my hair for a minute. Ugh. Bed head Ari. I pulled my hair out of its ponytail, and then remembered that he had no mirrors. I combed through it with my fingers to make it look okay, and then looked around for Angel. The bedroom door was open, as it had been last night, and I looked out of it, too lazy to get up and walk around to find him. I didn't hear any water running, so I was pretty sure he wasn't in the shower.
"Angel?" I called out to him. I don't see why I should have done that, because I could've just left and not said anything. I'm good at that. Leaving quietly. He was there, though, so even if I had, I couldn't have avoided him to tell him the, I say this in an utmost sarcastic tone, good news about what day it was. He came into the bedroom, in black pants and a wife beater, hair a little messier than usual. Had I woken him up?
"I didn't know you were up." He said to me, still sort of quiet as usual. He was sort of smiling, though. I'd only seen him smile, maybe two times max., but this half-smile was kind of cuter.
"Just woke up now."
"Do you need to get to school?"
"No school on Saturday," I explained. I looked around. No clocks. How does the man live with no clocks and no mirrors? "What time is it?" He glanced at his watch.
"About nine thirty."
"Oh." We were silent for a minute then, and he sat down in a chair on the wall opposite the bed.
"What are you doing today?"
"Avoiding the foster fam,"
"So nothing different?" He joked.
"More than usual."
"Why?" He knew it was time to get serious. Which he was good at.
"They'll try to do some stupid family gathering birthday shit. Foster families always do."
"Birthday?" Shit. I'd let it slip.
"Yeah. Mine."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"It seemed irrelevant." This was true.
"Well, irrelevant or not..." He got up, and went to his dresser. He opened a drawer, and pulled out a present. Dammit, how'd he know?
"How'd you know about this?"
"That's my secret." He handed me the package. I tried to give it back. I hate displays of sentimentality, and presents fall into that category.
"I don't need anything. Material possessions corrupt us all."
"You say everything corrupts us. I think you'll want this." He shoved the package back into my hands, and sat on the edge of the bed. Now curiosity got the better of me. I opened up the brown paper. What I saw lying in my hands I could hardly believe. I could barely speak I was so shocked.
"Angel, how did you- where did you get this?" I turned the book over in my hands, feeling its old cover, opening it, admiring the binding, the first edition print, everything about it. The book I had wanted for so many years was in my hands. Mine to keep. It was very overwhelming.
"Another one of my secrets. Do you like it?"
"It's-It's perfect. How did you know..."
"I just did." I tore my eyes away from the book for one minute to look at him. I smiled (setting my record for how many times I smiled in a month) and meant it.
"This is awesome. Thank you."
"You're welcome." He knew I loved it, and he'd gotten it. That was so... sweet of him. Nobody'd ever done anything like- back to the book now. I opened up the book, looking at the beautiful pages of over a hundred years old. The first edition of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn was mine. Twain and Orwell were my favorite authors ever. How did he know that?
"This...really, it's great. You didn't have to do this."
"You wanted it."
"How did you know that?"
"Actually, I guessed. I didn't expect this big of a reaction..."
"This is one of my favorite books, Angel."
"I'm glad you like it."
"I love it. I am never letting this thing out of my sight." He smiled, but then changed the subject.
"So, what are your plans for today besides avoiding your foster family at all costs?"
"I have a date." A look passed across his face. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was. Whatever it was, I didn't like it. I finished my sentence.
"With some vampires and a graveyard." If he could breathe, I bet he'd sigh a huge sigh of relief. That was what the expression on his face said, anyway.
"You shouldn't work on your birthday."
"I didn't know I was allowed to take the night off." I swung my legs over the side of the bed and put on my boots.
"It's unhealthy for someone to not take a night off. Everyone needs a vacation, even the chosen one."
"Okay, now that I've got my excuse down, I am fully prepared to slack. Wanna hang?" He probably had some vampire thing to do or something, in which case I'd go and sit in Central Park or try to brace family night with the Thomases. Which would suck.
"Sure." Hallelujah, praise the savior from family "fun".
"Cool. I'll come over later and bring some videos or something." I finished tying my boots, and I stood up, holding my book in my hands. So did he. Only without the book.
"So I'll see you later tonight, then," He clarified.
"Yeah. And, thanks again for this. It really is perfect." I meant it. This was really the best thing I could have gotten from anyone.
"You're welcome."
I went out the door and waved goodbye, leaving him there to do whatever the hell it is vamps do during the day. Sleep or whatever.
~*~
I climbed back into my room through my window, trying not to make noise. I had taken off my boots for this purpose, and put them down gently on the floor once I was inside. I put the book inside my night stand gently, so as not to damage it, and so that if YoucancallmeMary came in to clean or something she wouldn't question where I'd gotten it. They probably think I'm a vandal or something. Or that I belong to a cult. I showered and changed into some jeans and a shirt that said: "people like you are the reason people like me need therapy" and went into the main room. Might as well get it over with. I'd see them today anyway. They'd make sure of it. Sure as hell, they were all sitting at the table, enjoying their Saturday brunch or whatever.
"Good morning birthday girl," YoucancallmeJeff said.
"Happy birthday Avarielle," You YoucancallmeMary greeted. I hate it when people use my whole name. Too damn long, and too damn pretty. It makes me sound like a weak, pretty princess or something. Which I am definitely not.
"Avarielle, you should see what Mommy and Daddy got you. They decided that you were-"
"Avarielle, can Mary and I speak with you for a minute?" YoucancallmeJeff intervened. It was fine. He could've let the midget say it. I was too much to handle and they think I'd be better off elsewhere, so they called social services some time ago and found me somewhere else to live where they think I'll be happier.
After the foster 'rents confirmed everything I had predetermined, I acted reticent and unfazed. I'd done this millions of times. Driven the host family nuts until they need special medications, therapy, and kick me out.
"When do I leave?"
"Tomorrow afternoon," YoucancallmeMary said. They told me that I was supposed to go live with some woman named Laura in this penthouse nearer to the Business District, which would mean I'd have to go to Rockford High. Whoopdeedoo. Now I'll be living in JAP central in an apartment that could probably house fifty people comfortably but only two people will live in. Oops, wait, forgot the maids.
"Kay. I'll pack and then I'm going over to my friend's house later tonight," This was true, in a way. Angel was the closest thing I'd ever had to a friend. Shouldn't have used that word though.
"You made a friend? Good for you!" Oh boy.
"What's her name?" YoucancallmeJeff asked. Oh boy. He'd asked for it. Couldn't resist.
"His name is Angel. He's not in school." Man, I hit 'em where it hurts. They were worried. Don't know why.
"Is he your boooyyfriend?" Alexa sneered. Shit, when'd she get in here?
"No, Alexa. He's my friend who's a guy. Get lost. Preferably in Times Square." I really was on fire today.
"Mommy!" She screamed.
"Avarielle, that's quite enough."
"Hey, I'm not your daughter. Now I'm not even your foster child. I can say whatever the hell I want to your bitch of a daughter," Okay, maybe that was over the top. "I'll be packing and then I'll be off." I continued, and went to my room, leaving them all there, stunned.
~*~
After I'd finished packing, I went to the video store and picked up some movies. I wanted to see what Angel was like when he laughed. Or if I could even make him laugh. Well, not me, but Adam Sandler, Jim Carrey, and Cartman. (I got Billy Madison, Grosse Pointe Blank, and a South Park video)
I don't think that there's a person in the world who won't laugh at "Hi, I'm Martin Blank. I'm not married, I don't have kids, and I'd blow your head off if somebody paid me enough" or "that silly penguin's back again." I went over to Angel's. When I was walking over there, I contemplated telling him the semi good news. Which I did.
"So, I was thinking, even if I don't get a fire escape, I should be okay, because it's a penthouse, so I can probably get up onto the roof, and walk across it to wherever the fire escape is."
"So, you don't mind leaving the Thomases?"
"Hell no. I actually seized the opportunity to call Alexa a bitch and told her to get lost in Times Square. You shoulda seen the looks on their faces,"
"It's better than what I did to some families."
"That's true."
"Want to start the movies?"
"Sure."
We watched South Park and we were at the end of Grosse Pointe when I suddenly found myself doing something I'd never done before. I had seen this movie four times, so I was sure it wasn't the movie. It was me. Something about me. I didn't get it, and I couldn't stop. I was crying. Softly, though. And not too hard. But, none the less, I was crying. I tried to stop. I turned away from Angel for a minute and wiped the tears away, but they kept flowing. Angel looked at me. I'll bet you he knew what was happening.
"You okay, Ari?"
"Yeah, fine." Lie. Lie. Lie. He knew it, too. He turned me to face him, and saw a tear. He looked at me, confused. I was confused, too. Why couldn't I stop?
"What's wrong?" He seemed really concerned, which surprised me.
"I don't know...I can't stop." He did something something I didn't expect, then. He pulled me close to him and held me, letting me cry on his shoulder. Why was he doing this? Was this some sort of friend thing? I'd only seen this happen on TV and in the movies and stuff when a girl got dumped and then the other guy in the love triangle would hold her and tell her it was okay. This wasn't like that, though. It was so different. He held me, though. Just held me, let me get out whatever the hell I was getting out.
"I've never cried before. Not even when I hurt my ankle." I told him, tears still flowing.
"Everyone's got to cry sometime."
"Why? I didn't do anything. Nobody did anything to me. What's going on?"
"Shh." I closed my eyes, and the tears slowed. He never let me go. It was comforting, in a way. Nobody had ever held me like this. I mean, maybe when I was a baby, but that doesn't count because I can't remember it.
"Slayers aren't supposed to cry," I said.
"It's okay to cry."
"You don't."
I pulled away. My tears had stopped. We looked at each other then, and I saw something in his eyes. It might've been pain. Or sadness. Or the pain and sadness of my straightforward veracity. I didn't know. I didn't know why what happened next happened, either.
He kissed me. Just kissed me, and I kissed him back. We sat there, I don't know how long, just kissing each other passionately, but softly, until we finally pulled away from each other.
"Why did you do that?" I asked him. I wasn't mad, just confused.
"I don't know." He told me, sort of guiltily. I looked away from him, trying to move on by watching the movie. It was over. The credits, too. Great.
"The movie's over." Ari states the obvious once again.
"Yeah."
We sat there awkwardly for a long time, not moving. Him especially, because he didn't have to breathe and he didn't have ADD.
"Okay, why did that happen?" I couldn't help it.
"Look, Ari, it happened. But let's just pretend it didn't all right?"
"What?" I was confused again. What the hell was he saying?
"That happened, okay, but it can never happen again. I'm a vampire, you're a slayer. We can't let feelings get in the way of that." He was right, but I hated him for it.
"So, you're saying we shouldn't be around each other anymore?"
"If that's what it takes."
"Well, isn't this ironic?" I was getting pissed. "I finally make a friend and then it gets all fucked up because he kisses me."
"Ari-"
"No. I- I should have staked you when I first met you. But do you know why I didn't? Because there was something about you that I sensed. I didn't know what it was and I still don't know. All I do know is that every time I look at you I see something I don't see in anyone else. Do you know what that is? Nothing. And in everyone else there's something there, even in vampires, some things good and some things bad, but with you there was nothing and that scared me and it interested me. So I let you live, and I let myself come to this. I let you let me come to this." I stopped. I felt like I couldn't say any more. But I did. "Now I think I finally know what this nothing is. It's love, Angel." Shit. I'd really messed it up now.
"Ari. You can't love me."
"Then why do I?"
"It's not love, it's an illusion. Get out of here. Go home."
"You mean my psychotic broken foster home that doesn't even want me? Sure. It's a hell of a lot better than here." I just got up and left, then.
But now I understood more and less about me and Angel. The more: I loved him, but he didn't love me. The less: why. Why did he kiss me and save my life and help me and follow me around and give me the one thing I wanted most in the world and not love me? I didn't get it, and now I didn't even want to. All I wanted was to get out and to be alone.
CHAPTER TEN: BIRTHDAY BITCH
I woke up the next morning a little confused as to where I was at first, but then after a moment remembered that I'd crashed at Angel's the night before, after patrol. I sat up in his bed, still in my clothes from yesterday, only my boots were on the ground next to the bed. I sat up, and felt my hair for a minute. Ugh. Bed head Ari. I pulled my hair out of its ponytail, and then remembered that he had no mirrors. I combed through it with my fingers to make it look okay, and then looked around for Angel. The bedroom door was open, as it had been last night, and I looked out of it, too lazy to get up and walk around to find him. I didn't hear any water running, so I was pretty sure he wasn't in the shower.
"Angel?" I called out to him. I don't see why I should have done that, because I could've just left and not said anything. I'm good at that. Leaving quietly. He was there, though, so even if I had, I couldn't have avoided him to tell him the, I say this in an utmost sarcastic tone, good news about what day it was. He came into the bedroom, in black pants and a wife beater, hair a little messier than usual. Had I woken him up?
"I didn't know you were up." He said to me, still sort of quiet as usual. He was sort of smiling, though. I'd only seen him smile, maybe two times max., but this half-smile was kind of cuter.
"Just woke up now."
"Do you need to get to school?"
"No school on Saturday," I explained. I looked around. No clocks. How does the man live with no clocks and no mirrors? "What time is it?" He glanced at his watch.
"About nine thirty."
"Oh." We were silent for a minute then, and he sat down in a chair on the wall opposite the bed.
"What are you doing today?"
"Avoiding the foster fam,"
"So nothing different?" He joked.
"More than usual."
"Why?" He knew it was time to get serious. Which he was good at.
"They'll try to do some stupid family gathering birthday shit. Foster families always do."
"Birthday?" Shit. I'd let it slip.
"Yeah. Mine."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"It seemed irrelevant." This was true.
"Well, irrelevant or not..." He got up, and went to his dresser. He opened a drawer, and pulled out a present. Dammit, how'd he know?
"How'd you know about this?"
"That's my secret." He handed me the package. I tried to give it back. I hate displays of sentimentality, and presents fall into that category.
"I don't need anything. Material possessions corrupt us all."
"You say everything corrupts us. I think you'll want this." He shoved the package back into my hands, and sat on the edge of the bed. Now curiosity got the better of me. I opened up the brown paper. What I saw lying in my hands I could hardly believe. I could barely speak I was so shocked.
"Angel, how did you- where did you get this?" I turned the book over in my hands, feeling its old cover, opening it, admiring the binding, the first edition print, everything about it. The book I had wanted for so many years was in my hands. Mine to keep. It was very overwhelming.
"Another one of my secrets. Do you like it?"
"It's-It's perfect. How did you know..."
"I just did." I tore my eyes away from the book for one minute to look at him. I smiled (setting my record for how many times I smiled in a month) and meant it.
"This is awesome. Thank you."
"You're welcome." He knew I loved it, and he'd gotten it. That was so... sweet of him. Nobody'd ever done anything like- back to the book now. I opened up the book, looking at the beautiful pages of over a hundred years old. The first edition of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn was mine. Twain and Orwell were my favorite authors ever. How did he know that?
"This...really, it's great. You didn't have to do this."
"You wanted it."
"How did you know that?"
"Actually, I guessed. I didn't expect this big of a reaction..."
"This is one of my favorite books, Angel."
"I'm glad you like it."
"I love it. I am never letting this thing out of my sight." He smiled, but then changed the subject.
"So, what are your plans for today besides avoiding your foster family at all costs?"
"I have a date." A look passed across his face. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was. Whatever it was, I didn't like it. I finished my sentence.
"With some vampires and a graveyard." If he could breathe, I bet he'd sigh a huge sigh of relief. That was what the expression on his face said, anyway.
"You shouldn't work on your birthday."
"I didn't know I was allowed to take the night off." I swung my legs over the side of the bed and put on my boots.
"It's unhealthy for someone to not take a night off. Everyone needs a vacation, even the chosen one."
"Okay, now that I've got my excuse down, I am fully prepared to slack. Wanna hang?" He probably had some vampire thing to do or something, in which case I'd go and sit in Central Park or try to brace family night with the Thomases. Which would suck.
"Sure." Hallelujah, praise the savior from family "fun".
"Cool. I'll come over later and bring some videos or something." I finished tying my boots, and I stood up, holding my book in my hands. So did he. Only without the book.
"So I'll see you later tonight, then," He clarified.
"Yeah. And, thanks again for this. It really is perfect." I meant it. This was really the best thing I could have gotten from anyone.
"You're welcome."
I went out the door and waved goodbye, leaving him there to do whatever the hell it is vamps do during the day. Sleep or whatever.
~*~
I climbed back into my room through my window, trying not to make noise. I had taken off my boots for this purpose, and put them down gently on the floor once I was inside. I put the book inside my night stand gently, so as not to damage it, and so that if YoucancallmeMary came in to clean or something she wouldn't question where I'd gotten it. They probably think I'm a vandal or something. Or that I belong to a cult. I showered and changed into some jeans and a shirt that said: "people like you are the reason people like me need therapy" and went into the main room. Might as well get it over with. I'd see them today anyway. They'd make sure of it. Sure as hell, they were all sitting at the table, enjoying their Saturday brunch or whatever.
"Good morning birthday girl," YoucancallmeJeff said.
"Happy birthday Avarielle," You YoucancallmeMary greeted. I hate it when people use my whole name. Too damn long, and too damn pretty. It makes me sound like a weak, pretty princess or something. Which I am definitely not.
"Avarielle, you should see what Mommy and Daddy got you. They decided that you were-"
"Avarielle, can Mary and I speak with you for a minute?" YoucancallmeJeff intervened. It was fine. He could've let the midget say it. I was too much to handle and they think I'd be better off elsewhere, so they called social services some time ago and found me somewhere else to live where they think I'll be happier.
After the foster 'rents confirmed everything I had predetermined, I acted reticent and unfazed. I'd done this millions of times. Driven the host family nuts until they need special medications, therapy, and kick me out.
"When do I leave?"
"Tomorrow afternoon," YoucancallmeMary said. They told me that I was supposed to go live with some woman named Laura in this penthouse nearer to the Business District, which would mean I'd have to go to Rockford High. Whoopdeedoo. Now I'll be living in JAP central in an apartment that could probably house fifty people comfortably but only two people will live in. Oops, wait, forgot the maids.
"Kay. I'll pack and then I'm going over to my friend's house later tonight," This was true, in a way. Angel was the closest thing I'd ever had to a friend. Shouldn't have used that word though.
"You made a friend? Good for you!" Oh boy.
"What's her name?" YoucancallmeJeff asked. Oh boy. He'd asked for it. Couldn't resist.
"His name is Angel. He's not in school." Man, I hit 'em where it hurts. They were worried. Don't know why.
"Is he your boooyyfriend?" Alexa sneered. Shit, when'd she get in here?
"No, Alexa. He's my friend who's a guy. Get lost. Preferably in Times Square." I really was on fire today.
"Mommy!" She screamed.
"Avarielle, that's quite enough."
"Hey, I'm not your daughter. Now I'm not even your foster child. I can say whatever the hell I want to your bitch of a daughter," Okay, maybe that was over the top. "I'll be packing and then I'll be off." I continued, and went to my room, leaving them all there, stunned.
~*~
After I'd finished packing, I went to the video store and picked up some movies. I wanted to see what Angel was like when he laughed. Or if I could even make him laugh. Well, not me, but Adam Sandler, Jim Carrey, and Cartman. (I got Billy Madison, Grosse Pointe Blank, and a South Park video)
I don't think that there's a person in the world who won't laugh at "Hi, I'm Martin Blank. I'm not married, I don't have kids, and I'd blow your head off if somebody paid me enough" or "that silly penguin's back again." I went over to Angel's. When I was walking over there, I contemplated telling him the semi good news. Which I did.
"So, I was thinking, even if I don't get a fire escape, I should be okay, because it's a penthouse, so I can probably get up onto the roof, and walk across it to wherever the fire escape is."
"So, you don't mind leaving the Thomases?"
"Hell no. I actually seized the opportunity to call Alexa a bitch and told her to get lost in Times Square. You shoulda seen the looks on their faces,"
"It's better than what I did to some families."
"That's true."
"Want to start the movies?"
"Sure."
We watched South Park and we were at the end of Grosse Pointe when I suddenly found myself doing something I'd never done before. I had seen this movie four times, so I was sure it wasn't the movie. It was me. Something about me. I didn't get it, and I couldn't stop. I was crying. Softly, though. And not too hard. But, none the less, I was crying. I tried to stop. I turned away from Angel for a minute and wiped the tears away, but they kept flowing. Angel looked at me. I'll bet you he knew what was happening.
"You okay, Ari?"
"Yeah, fine." Lie. Lie. Lie. He knew it, too. He turned me to face him, and saw a tear. He looked at me, confused. I was confused, too. Why couldn't I stop?
"What's wrong?" He seemed really concerned, which surprised me.
"I don't know...I can't stop." He did something something I didn't expect, then. He pulled me close to him and held me, letting me cry on his shoulder. Why was he doing this? Was this some sort of friend thing? I'd only seen this happen on TV and in the movies and stuff when a girl got dumped and then the other guy in the love triangle would hold her and tell her it was okay. This wasn't like that, though. It was so different. He held me, though. Just held me, let me get out whatever the hell I was getting out.
"I've never cried before. Not even when I hurt my ankle." I told him, tears still flowing.
"Everyone's got to cry sometime."
"Why? I didn't do anything. Nobody did anything to me. What's going on?"
"Shh." I closed my eyes, and the tears slowed. He never let me go. It was comforting, in a way. Nobody had ever held me like this. I mean, maybe when I was a baby, but that doesn't count because I can't remember it.
"Slayers aren't supposed to cry," I said.
"It's okay to cry."
"You don't."
I pulled away. My tears had stopped. We looked at each other then, and I saw something in his eyes. It might've been pain. Or sadness. Or the pain and sadness of my straightforward veracity. I didn't know. I didn't know why what happened next happened, either.
He kissed me. Just kissed me, and I kissed him back. We sat there, I don't know how long, just kissing each other passionately, but softly, until we finally pulled away from each other.
"Why did you do that?" I asked him. I wasn't mad, just confused.
"I don't know." He told me, sort of guiltily. I looked away from him, trying to move on by watching the movie. It was over. The credits, too. Great.
"The movie's over." Ari states the obvious once again.
"Yeah."
We sat there awkwardly for a long time, not moving. Him especially, because he didn't have to breathe and he didn't have ADD.
"Okay, why did that happen?" I couldn't help it.
"Look, Ari, it happened. But let's just pretend it didn't all right?"
"What?" I was confused again. What the hell was he saying?
"That happened, okay, but it can never happen again. I'm a vampire, you're a slayer. We can't let feelings get in the way of that." He was right, but I hated him for it.
"So, you're saying we shouldn't be around each other anymore?"
"If that's what it takes."
"Well, isn't this ironic?" I was getting pissed. "I finally make a friend and then it gets all fucked up because he kisses me."
"Ari-"
"No. I- I should have staked you when I first met you. But do you know why I didn't? Because there was something about you that I sensed. I didn't know what it was and I still don't know. All I do know is that every time I look at you I see something I don't see in anyone else. Do you know what that is? Nothing. And in everyone else there's something there, even in vampires, some things good and some things bad, but with you there was nothing and that scared me and it interested me. So I let you live, and I let myself come to this. I let you let me come to this." I stopped. I felt like I couldn't say any more. But I did. "Now I think I finally know what this nothing is. It's love, Angel." Shit. I'd really messed it up now.
"Ari. You can't love me."
"Then why do I?"
"It's not love, it's an illusion. Get out of here. Go home."
"You mean my psychotic broken foster home that doesn't even want me? Sure. It's a hell of a lot better than here." I just got up and left, then.
But now I understood more and less about me and Angel. The more: I loved him, but he didn't love me. The less: why. Why did he kiss me and save my life and help me and follow me around and give me the one thing I wanted most in the world and not love me? I didn't get it, and now I didn't even want to. All I wanted was to get out and to be alone.