"Christmas in the Class"
(Daria and Jane are walking down the hall to their next class, English)
Daria: It's times like this when I don't mind school as much. Anything to get away from tacky decorations at home.
Jane: It can't be that bad.
Daria: One of the roof's Santa Clauses is neon pink.
Jane: Ok, I guess it *can* be that bad.
(They enter the room, then stop in shock as the other students enter around them. The English room is covered in bright strings of lights in all sizes and all colors of the rainbow. An overly-large manger scene stands out in the back and, oddly enough, contains a reindeer. Every corner has an animated talking Santa. The room, obviously, is the epitome of tackiness.)
Daria: Good grief, it's an epidemic…
Jane: It looks like Santa threw-up in here.
(O'Neill enters the room, wearing a Santa hat.)
O'Neill: Seasons Greetings, class!
(All students who are standing, including Daria and Jane now take their seats.)
O'Neill: Now I know you've all probably noticed the decorations; I just want to help you all get into the Christmas spirit. (turns to Daria and Jane in surprise) Well! It seems you to have already *gotten* into the spirit!
(The girls look at each other in confusion.)
Jane: Huh?
O'Neill: Why, you're wearing red and green, the Christmas colors!
(The girls look at each other again, their eyes wide with sudden realization.)
Both: Ah!!
(Jane quickly takes off her top red shirt and Daria removes her green jacket. Brittany, who is sitting close to Daria, frowns.)
Brittany: (points at Daria's orange shirt) But now you're wearing orange and black! Those are Halloween colors!
(Daria grumbles something about how she just can't win and puts her jacket back on.)
O'Neill: Now, since we're getting so close to Christmas, I thought we'd take some time to learn the background of some popular Christmas carols. (He picks up some notes from his desk and searches through them, finally stopping at one in particular.) Ah, I know! We'll do 'Deck the Halls' first. Now, this song mentions the word 'yuletide'. Does anybody know what a yule is?
(Nobody raises their hand.)
O'Neill: Hmm… well, a yule is defined as 'the feast of the nativity of Jesus Christ'. Can anybody guess what could be considered 'gay apparel'?
Kevin: Isn't that, like, stuff with rainbows on it and stuff?
O'Neill: Um…
(The class discussion continues as Daria turns to Jane.)
Daria: This is a pointless waste of time. I already knew all this. Shouldn't school be for learning?
Jane: That *is* some people's opinion. I'm just glad we're getting an easy day, but if he makes us sing, I'm walking out.
O'Neill: …and when we say 'heedless of the wind and weather', we mean that the weather doesn't bother us! Now that we've gone over all the lyrics… (he takes out an acoustic guitar that was hidden behind his deck).. it's time to sing!
(Many students groan, a few who enjoy that sort of thing grin, and Jane bangs her head on her desk. Mr. O'Neill starts strumming the guitar and singing while most of the class joins in half-heartedly.)
O'Neill: (singing badly) Deck the Halls with boughs of holly!
Daria: (to Jane) Well?
Jane: (stops banging her head on the desk and looks up) C'mon Daria; I can't leave.
Daria: Do it. Seriously. I'll cover for you.
Jane: (skeptically) You sure, amiga?
Daria: Really. Just go… quickly.
(Jane looks like she's still unsure, but decides to trust Daria. She quickly gets up and goes out the door. Mr. O'Neill stops in the middle of the song, looking concerned.)
O'Neill: Jane?
Daria: Now you've done it. Christmas time is hard enough for her, and you have to go and remind her of her long lost sister, Holly.
O'Neill: Oh dear! I should go after h…
Daria: No, let me. She needs a friend. You understand, right? (She gets up and heads for the door.)
O'Neill: I just feel so terrible!
Daria: Well, at least you didn't pick 'Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer'.
O'Neill: (gasps) You mean…
Daria: Yes. May she rest in peace.