Crunchy White Rain
By Secera Crystalfire
Disclaimer: They're not mine.
Part 2: White Lies and Black Ice
The residence of Reiji Takatori was being renovated. Yes, in the middle of winter.
Under normal circumstances this would not have been a problem. The circumstances on December 12, however, were not normal. The annual Takatori Christmas Party was approaching.
Reiji Takatori innocently pulled Crawford aside after a meeting. He then proceeded to innocently make a request while innocently reminding his number one assassin of an innocent-seeming occurrence several years back…
"I hope this new residence meets your expectations."
A somewhat younger Oracle smiled. "Yes, the money you gave us to buy the place is much appreciated."
"Maybe sometime I'll stop by and take a look for myself." Reiji suggested.
"Feel free to come by anytime. You bought the place for us, it's yours to do with as you please. We don't mind."
And so, the annual Takatori Christmas Party was relocated to the Schwarz residence.
After that, Bradley decided to be more careful about white lies. Even if it was just to secure his job all those years ago.
Lying is a bad, bad thing.
"It's yours to do with as you please? We don't mind?! Why the hell would you even think about saying that?!" Schuldich, apparently, felt that it was necessary to make Crawford feel as guilty as possible about the incident. Even though we all know that Brad never feels guilty. Schu's the guilty one.
"Like I said, I was-"
"You're so stupid! Yes, Bradley, you!"
Crawford clamped a hand over Schu's mouth to stop him from yelling. He didn't want Nagi and Farfarello to know just yet.
Do you know what this means?! The German's thoughts rang through the Oracle's mind. And then, Move your hand or I'll bite it.
Crawford pulled his hand back with amazing speed. "Yes," he responded, "I know what this means. Takatori clearly stated that he expects this place to be suitable for a party of all the important members of the government. Meaning a lot of cleaning and a lot of decorating. I know."
"Hell, Bradley! That's gonna take forever!"
"What's going to take forever?" Nagi poked his head around a corner.
Crawford would have buried his head in his hands and wept had he been alone. Well, maybe not quite. But after the snowball incident with Nagi he was a bit wary of the kid. Those powers were fearsome.
Nagi's wide eyes narrowed dangerously as Schu explained the incident to him, but he didn't say anything. Instead, the telekinetic sighed and walked away grumbling. Brad, senses heightened by the threat of a potentially dangerous situation, heard something about "cleaning the mess in my room" and "stupid Oracle should've foreseen this." He (Brad) growled dangerously, but the kid was already gone.
"He's probably going to tell Farf, then you'll really be sorry!"
"…Schuldich?"
"Yes, Bradley?" responded the overly-sweet nasal voice.
"Shut up."
Farf, it would seem, was in one of his better moods when Nagi came to tell him the news (who would've guessed that Schu was right?). Instead of seeking bloody vengeance, the Irishman smiled. Just that: smiled.
Nagi didn't want to ask what he had planned.
Schuldich spent the next day trying to develop a method of squeezing what would normally fit in three closets into his one closet. He had collected an amazing amount of random clothes and other possessions over the years, and it was all spread out across his bedroom floor in what was to him a very organized manner. Everything is easily accessible when it's laid out on the floor, right? Too bad for Schu, Crawford didn't agree.
Crawford also didn't have a million and one possessions to cram into a single closet. Much to our beloved German's dismay, he made a point of pointing this out.
Multiple times.
Until Schu threatened to give him the headache of the century. After that, fearless leader decided to spend his free time somewhere else, faaaaaaar away from the irritated telepath.
Approximately noon the next day Crawford decided that it was time to put up the Christmas lights. Nagi was still in school, so it was up to the remaining three assassins to climb up onto the roof and position the strings of lights.
You'd think that being assassins would mean that the members of Schwarz would have no problem getting onto a rooftop. You'd think. But no.
In the end, Brad sent Farf to um…'adopt' a ladder from the neighbors' garage. Meanwhile, Schu was silently sulking. Well, silent to anyone who walked by. But not silent to Brad. The Oracle was getting every detail of the telepath's discomfort and irritation.
It's so cold out here, Bradley. Admit it. You're cold. Why is it so freezing? Don't answer that. What's taking Farf so long? I want to get done with this so we can go back inside where it's warm. Why can't you just let the kid do this? Are you afraid, Bradley?
"Don't call me that," an irritated voice snapped. "And no, I am not afraid."
At that moment they both spotted Farfarello trudging back across the snowy lawn dragging a ladder. In his other hand was a kitten.
Crawford sighed. "What're you doing with the cat?"
"I'm keeping it." One golden eye stared defiantly at the Oracle and then softened. "What should I name her?"
"Get rid of it." Crawford demanded, taking the ladder and placing it against the wall.
"What a strange name," Schuldich murmured.
"That's not a name. I mean it, get rid of it!" Crawford grated.
"No." Farf stated adamantly. "I won't get rid of Get rid of it. She's staying here." Ignoring Bradley's look of confused anger, Farfarello set 'Get rid of it' on his shoulder and climbed the ladder onto the roof. With a vexed look on his face, Crawford followed.
Schuldich tossed the strings of multicolored lights up to the precariously balanced assassins on the roof. They hit Farf in the back of his head. Get rid of it meowed.
A half hour later, three freezing assassins were still outside in the snow. Crawford was methodically hooking the lights to the roof while chanting Takatori shi-ne, Takatori shi-ne, Takatori shi-ne… in his head. Then he realized how the words related him to one member of Weiss, and quickly stopped.
Schu smirked despite the cold. Bradley's thoughts were always so amusing…
And then, Bradley was suddenly hit by a vision. Cold, snow, total whiteness, ice. He halted and looked around. Schu was untangling a cluster of lights and Farf was absentmindedly petting his new kitten. Everything appeared to be safe and normal. Crawford relaxed and moved forward to continue placing lights.
Bad choice.
The Oracle stepped right onto a sheet of ice covered by the snow. His feet flew out from under him and, arms swinging in wild circles, Crawford fell and began sliding swiftly down the slanted roof.
By some miracle, Crawford managed to stop himself from falling off the edge of the roof. Ignoring the sound of German laughter in his head, Brad paused a minute to catch his breath before cautiously regaining his feet.
Before he could stand up, Brad felt something cold and wet on the side of his face. And it wasn't snow. Something cold and wet was nudging his face. He slowly turned his head toward the offending cold wetness.
It had fur and whiskers.
"Farfarello, get your damn cat away from me!"
"She likes you."
Crawford reached out to grab the cat. Big mistake. First, she bit him. Second, he lost his balance and slid over the edge of the roof, cat still attached to his hand. Third, everything went white.
When Crawford came to, he was in his own room. That was good. He was wearing the same clothes, and that was also good except for the fact that they were wet from the snow. There was orange hair directly to his left. That was not good.
He jumped up to a sitting position.
"Eee, Bradley, you're awake finally." Schu was sitting cross-legged on the floor by Crawford's bed. Farfarello was sitting across from him and was holding several playing cards in his hand.
"Do you have an ace?" Farfarello asked solemnly.
"No, go fish," Schu replied. There was a pause. Then, "You have an eight. Hand it over."
"That's cheating," Crawford pointed out.
"There isn't a single sentence in the rules saying that I can't use telepathy!" Schuldich declared, taking Farf's eight.
Crawford decided not to get involved. Leaving the two to battle in his room, he walked out to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. At the same time, Nagi walked in the door. "Who fell off the roof?" he asked with a grin.
"Nobody fell off the roof." Crawford lied without thought.
"Then what's that indentation in the snow that's shaped like an American in an cream-colored Armani suit?"
"Schu was making snow angels."
Huh? What about me and angels?
Nagi just laughed and walked down the hall towards his room.
Crawford called after him. "Nagi? I need you to finish putting the lights up."
And watch out for Get rid of it, Schu warned. She's in a strange mood. I think Bradley's hand poisoned her.
"Get rid of it?"
Farf's cat.
AN: Adore it, despise it? Either way, I want to hear what you think! That means reviewing! Arigatou!