Caroline and the Christmas Wishes

Chapter 4

The two and a half weeks before Christmas were busy ones for Caroline and her new assistant, Richard. Anxious to please, Richard showed up promptly at nine o'clock that Friday morning - the only time he would ever do so. Richard soon learned that the office "routine" was anything but. Unlike a real office, people would show up at anytime, unannounced, and interrupt their work. And what a cast of characters - Del, the charming but shallow ex-boyfriend who owned Caroline's greeting card company and was always coming up with crazy schemes for money and publicity, Annie, the slutty next-door neighbor, and Charlie, Del's courier, who had several screws loose. What's worse, from Richard's point of view, was that the interruptions were hardly ever related to business. Invariably, the talk turned to personal business, and Richard was loathe to take part in any type of personal discussion - agreeing to do so only when Caroline offered him an extra two dollars an hour.

Except for one fact, Richard was as bored with his job as a colorist as he was at Macy's. He needed none of his training from the School of Visual Arts to perform his tasks. Though he tried to deny it, Richard was in love with Caroline, was in love with her from the moment that they met. Richard deeply hid his feelings, even (or especially) from himself. But sometimes, he couldn't help himself. When he was sure she wasn't looking, he would just stare at Caroline while she worked, inwardly sighing. Whenever he had an impulse to express his feelings, he reminded himself that Caroline would surely fire him if he did so. She couldn't possibly feel the same way about him, and it would be impossible for them to work together if she knew. It would be too uncomfortable for both of them. And he needed this job, the recent memory of how close he had come to being on the streets still haunted him.

What's more, he wanted this job, despite the boredom and the long hours. Richard made fun of Caroline's constant cheerfulness and need to please, but the truth was, nobody had ever cared about his well-being the way that Caroline did, not even (especially) his family. The fact that Caroline did this with everyone in her life did not negate the fact that she was the closest thing to a true friend that Richard had ever had. He didn't want to go back to a life without her.

So, to avoid any suspicion about his feelings for her, Richard would complain a little too loudly about how his work bored him, about how he was there only for the money. He would poke fun (albeit gently) at her eccentricities and her friends, and would especially enjoy trading insults with Annie. But whenever she needed him, he was there. Whining about it, but there. Working late, working weekends, even reluctantly listening to her personal problems, he was always there.

From Caroline's point of view, she had ambiguous feelings towards her new colorist. Whenever he had the chance, Richard showed off his superior education, and his consistently snotty attitude showed that he thought his job was beneath him. Richard was the complete opposite of Jeannie, her previous colorist. She was much like Caroline – cheerful, optimistic, loving fun and fun to be with. What's more, she loved her job, thought it was ideal, and would have been happy as Caroline's colorist forever if she hadn't gotten married. Richard was dour, pessimistic, and able to throw a wet blanket over any fun there was to be had. Still, Richard was a great colorist, able to do the work in less time than Jeannie, even after Jeannie had been at the job for years. He would work hard (in fact, he was often the one prodding Caroline back to work), and would work long hours and weekends, albeit with loud complaints and for double-time pay. And though Caroline would not admit it to Richard, he had helped her improve her strip. His sharp, sarcastic wit constantly kept Caroline on her toes. And his run-ins with Annie and Salty were the source for many ideas for strips.

Caroline also had to admit, there were times that she had thoughts of him as something more than just an employee. Once, when she was especially tense after several hours of work, Richard surprised her by massaging her shoulders. "His touch was… magical." She shivered when she thought about it. Though he was reluctant (and she had to pay him extra), Richard did lend a sympathetic ear to her personal problems. When she had a personal problem, Caroline found it impossible to concentrate on work, and when Annie wasn't around, she needed someone to listen to her.

Yet Richard was a mystery to Caroline. While Caroline would share every detail of her life (more than he cared to know) with Richard, he never volunteered anything about his feelings, his past, his family, or his friends – if he had any. Caroline only knew of one friend that Richard had, Chris. And how close could their friendship be? They had only known each other for days, and because of work, they hardly spent any time together. Additionally, according to Richard, Chris was a delusional, albeit cheerful and harmless man.

What Caroline suspected was that beneath the dark, cynical, sarcastic exterior was a man of basic goodness, who cared about the people around him. Richard intrigued Caroline, and she was determined to dig beneath his shell to find the good within, however long it took.

Through the busy days (and nights) and weekends, Caroline and Richard had all but forgotten their silly Christmas wishes to Santa. But Kris hadn't…

******

It was the Friday before Christmas. At Macy's, Kris's eyes followed the next approaching child, but his attention was temporarily elsewhere. "Caroline and Richard have had some of their Christmas wishes fulfilled. I'm sure they're satisfied, they got more than they expected… but I'm not. Things are going well between them, but Christmas is fast approaching. The way they hide their feelings, it may be three years before they act upon them. Hmm… I may not be able to mould the human heart, but let's see if I can nudge it to where it's going a little faster…"

"Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas! My, what a pretty little girl. What's your name?"

******

After another long day and evening of drawing and coloring, Caroline and Richard were about to call it a night.

"Well, Richard, I can't think straight anymore, I think it's about time to quit for the night… It's been two weeks, time for your first regular paycheck."

"I get paid…? President Lincoln has freed me…?" Richard cracked.

"Shuddup…" Caroline smirked. As she wrote out the check, she added "I really appreciate all of your hard work. Now this check is only for your double-time work after hours and on weekends, since I advanced you your first regular paycheck, but I've added a little Christmas bonus."

"Thank you, Caroline. Too bad I don't have any time to spend it. I assume you'll want me to work tomorrow."

"I'm sorry, Richard, but yes I do. You know how much work we still have to do. And how do you think I feel? You're the one who thinks 'Christmas is a fraud perpetrated by merchants to extort the public'. I love Christmas…"

"Obviously" Richard interjected, looking at all the decorations in the apartment.

 "…and I haven't been able to do anything Christmas-y since I went to Macy's two weeks ago."

Richard walked to the door and put on his coat. Suddenly, for some reason, Richard overcame his inhibitions and acted upon his normally repressed feelings. He grabbed Caroline's coat, turned around and held it out to her.

"C'mon Caroline, let's go."

"Where…?" asked a puzzled Caroline.

"Rockefeller Center. We're going to sit back and soak up the atmosphere there, with the Christmas tree, all the decorations, and the ice skaters."

"But Richard… you hate that sort of thing. You don't want to go there."

"No, but you do. And I know you, you won't go alone. And for your information, I don't hate it, I just have no use for it… So c'mon."

"Okay, Richard." As she walked over to put on her coat, Caroline smiled a dazzling smile that made Richard inwardly glow. "I did that" he thought.

******

It was a fair but chilly night at Rockefeller Center. Caroline and Richard were seated at street level. The would alternately look down, watching ice skaters in the rink below, and look up to the enormous decorated and brightly lit Christmas tree that towered above them. Caroline was as contented as… well as a kid who had gotten the toy she wanted for Christmas. She snuggled up against Richard, who after a long while, put his arm around her.

Caroline sighed contentedly. "I never noticed before how nice Richard smells. Every so often, he surprises me with how nice he can be."

Richard was calm outwardly, but inwardly, was near panic. "It's hard enough to control my feelings when I'm with Caroline all hours of the day. But now that she's so close, it's – it's – it's almost impossible… Control… control… control…"

"Richard…?"

"What…??!!" answered a startled Richard.

"I'm sorry if I startled you, Richard. I just want to say I appreciate you bringing me here. It reminds me of the way Christmas used to be for me… the decorations, the happy people, snow on the ground making everything seem sparkly and clean, the only thing the relatives asking you is if Santa brought you what you wanted for Christmas."

"I thought you loved Christmas, Caroline."

"I love the Christmas season… but as for Christmas itself… well, every year I go back to Peshtigo, and see all my cousins who are happily married with kids already. My aunts and uncles brag, everybody asks me when am I gonna quit my job and settle down, have some kids. They say it in a nice way, like they're just concerned for my welfare, but it hurts, you know?"

Richard agreed, uttering one word, "family" with a tone of mild disgust.

"So, Richard, you never talk about yourself. Tell me, what are your family holidays like?"

"Now, or when I was a kid?"

"Both."

Richard didn't like talking about himself. But he couldn't see a way to get out of it, without breaking this bond they seemed to be building. And he didn't want to change the mood, Caroline seemed to be enjoying herself for the first time in two weeks.

"Now – I don't see my family during the holidays. Or if I'm lucky, ever." Caroline frowned, saddened when she heard that. "When I was young – well, my family is Jewish, but we aren't very observant Jews. Father was usually away, and mother – mother would celebrate any holiday, Jewish or Christian, but only if it was convenient."

"If it was convenient…?" asked Caroline, puzzled.

"Yeah, it took a long time for me to learn that lesson. One Christmas morning, I woke up, I ran into the living room, and mother said 'I just forgot!'"

Caroline looked at Richard with compassion, finally gaining some insight into her dark assistant. After a few seconds, she made a decision, and got up.

"C'mon, Richard. We're going skating!" Caroline grabbed his hands and tried to pull him up.

"Nooo, Caroline! I can't skate, I'd look like a fool."

"I'll teach you! And so what if you look foolish, nobody knows you here."

"We don't have any skates."

"We can rent them over there" responded Caroline, pointing.

Desperate, Richard tried another feeble excuse. "But who knows whose feet have been in those skates? It could be very unhygienic."

"Richard…! Pleeeeeeeease…!" Caroline pleaded, making doe-y eyes at Richard.

Richard gave up, knowing he couldn't refuse her.

"Oh, alright" he grumbled.

"Goody!" Caroline squealed, and they went to the skate renter's booth.

******

Having grown up in the cold climate state of Wisconsin, Caroline was a competent, if not a great skater. Just getting Richard to stand on his skates for a few seconds without falling was a challenge. Several times, when he lost his balanced, Richard grabbed Caroline and they both fell. When this happened, Richard always shook his head and grumbled, but Caroline just laughed. When Caroline got Richard to successfully stand on his skates, she took both his hands, facing him, and started slowly skating backwards.

"Okay Richard, don't do anything, just glide. Let me pull you."

They went a few feet before Richard lost his balance and fell, pulling Caroline atop him.

"Ohh!" exclaimed Richard, discouraged.

"What's the matter? Are you hurt?"

"Only my dignity."

"Oh, Richard, loosen up. Everybody falls at first. You'll get it eventually, just enjoy yourself, have some fun!"

"Actually, all this contact with Caroline is enjoyable" thought Richard. His attitude changed, Richard stopped worrying about looking foolish and started learning a little from each mistake. Soon, he was skating alongside Caroline, albeit very slowly and wobbly, and still holding her hand. He had a silly grin on his face. "Look, Caroline. I'm actually skating."

"I told you that you could do it, Richard."

They circled the rink slowly, arm in arm. Skating to the Christmas music, the decorations, the brightly lit trees above them – it all gave Caroline a feeling of contentment that she had lost the past few weeks. Happy memories of past Christmases flitted through her brain.

There were no happy past Christmases for Richard to remember. Truth be told, the festive decorations and music didn't do much for him either, he regarded it all as a bunch of commercial hype. Yet, he too was happy. Happy 'cause of his nearness to Caroline, and the joy he knew she was feeling.

"Thanks for forcing me to do this, Caroline."

"You're welcome, Richard."

Richard had the sudden urge to pull Caroline to him, embrace and kiss her – but he resisted. After skating a little more, they left and went back to Caroline's apartment.

******

After reaching her loft, Caroline unlocked her door, turned around and faced Richard.

"Thanks for taking me out, Richard. I really needed that."

"You're welcome."

Caroline looked up and said "Look, we're under the mistletoe."

"So we are" replied Richard.

Caroline closed her eyes and waited expectantly. After a few seconds, she felt Richard give her a quick peck on the cheek and say "See you tomorrow, Caroline."

She opened her eyes in time to see Richard get on the elevator and wave goodbye.

"Damn!"