Poet Poe's feelin' dandy,
Sigmund Freud's a-hypnotisin',
Buffalo Bill's so scared o' lies,
Fleecing serfs is Robin's job,
"All hail Caesar" What a slob,
Confucius he just won't stop talkin',
Winston Churchill naked walkin',
Albert Einstein what a loss,
Tie-dye hippie Betsy Ross,
Houdini the king o' crime,
Mean Abe Lincoln wedgie time,
Time to set your clocks 'n' watches,
So screwed up they'll make you nauseous --
This is the Time Squad!
"Stop The Adult Takeover" Is Clearly Requiring Enactment, All Kids To Unify Helping
Chapter 2: T.I.M.E.S.Q.U.A.D. (The Intrepid Musketeers Engage Strenuous Quest: Underagers and D-san)
Subject Identification Number: 10
Subject Identity: Rhea Baugher
Other known Identities: Dynasty San
Nationality: Korean-American
Appearance: Big-boned, 5'10", sixteen years old, long brown hair, brown eyes, tanned skin, tan line on left wrist (courtesy of the watch she wears nearly all the time), wears men's outfits (mostly black and red)
Known likes/interests: DBZ, Marilyn Manson, The Rock, Numbuh 5, Panthro, Gambit, Vegeta, Writing fics, making and answering surveys, eating sushi, being a crazy little crackpot, Drama class
Known dislikes/non-interests: Alice in Chains, Miaka haters, The DCFDTL, the Lunataks, Snarfer, Chiaotzu, Vince McMahon, root beer, English and Lit classes, not getting enough to eat, counseling, wearing skirts
Known strengths/weapons: Pretty smart, doesn't give up, can improvise when necessary, whipping things with her bull whip, doesn't take crap from anyone (At this point Flareon threw out the pile of Miltank poo he had in his paw and said, "Dang.")
Known weaknesses: Shakespeare, chocolate and coffee, Professor X (creeps her out), easily distracted by music (especially Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, and Marilyn Manson), doesn't know when to quit, gets a little crazy with her whip, prone to berserker rages
Any other useful information: Chocolate covered coffee beans make her hyper. Or should we say, mega, ultra, super, poly, and every other big prefix ever existed.
Meanwhile, in the year 1000000 A.D. at the Time Squad Robot Hospital...
Larry: Whee! Look at me everyone, I'm the queen of France!
Sheila: Hasn't changed much, has he?
Buck: Nope. Neither has XJ.
XJ-5: Larry you're an idiot. Larry you're an idiot. Larry you're an idiot. Larry you're an idiot...
Buck: When I get my hands on those chrono-cronies I'll...
Sheila: Buck, this is a hospital. And do you have any idea how corny that sounds?
Buck: Yes.
Sheila slaps her forehead and groans. The door to the ward opens, revealing Otto and a green alien-like creature, Sally the Celebi, dressed in Time Squad uniform.
Otto: Tuddrussel! Sheila! How are the guys?
Buck/Sheila: Not good.
Everyone gazes at the two robots who have begun to fight like children.
Larry: ARGH! Unhand me you scoundrel!
XJ-5: Larry you're an idiot. Larry you're an idiot. Larry you're an idiot. Larry you're an idiot...
Otto: Ouch.
Sally: The Chrono Gang really got us this time, eh Sheila?
Sheila: Got that right.
Otto: The who?
Sally: The Chrono Gang. They fly about all over time making mischief all over the place. Very irritating indeed; no wonder they requested I come and help.
Sheila: A Timetravel Pokemon would come in handy now that our robots are all wiped out by that virus the Chronos inputted.
Buck: And now it's up to you two to help rescue time! With those Chronos running amok, they could halt time completely!
Otto: T-t-two of us? That leaves Sally, and... and...
Sally: Yes. He means you Otto. We'll leave right away.
Before Otto can protest Sally uses her telechronokinetic powers to transport them back to a certain top secret headquarters in the year 2003...
Back in the Team Eeveeon Headquarters everyone is bustling away doing their stuff and minding their own business. Team Eeveeon themselves are busy fiddling about the controls in the main control room... except Umbreon and Espeon.
Jolteon: Where's Umbreon and Espy?
Espeon: *bursting in* Don't call me that!
Flareon: Brought him more books again?
Espeon: Chemistry, Physics, Additional Mathematics, Chinese. Ouch.
Vaporeon: Why the hell would they call a subject Additional if they made it compulsory?
Espeon: Search me.
Just then a light explodes in the room revealing Otto and Sally.
Jolteon: Hey, Sally. Long time, no see. How's the life at Time Squad?
Sally: Fine, I suppose. *looks about* Where's Umbreon?
Espeon: End-of-years.
Sally: Understandable.
Vaporeon: What brings you here from the year 1000000 A.D. anyway? And what's with the Time Squad kiddo?
Gesticulating their arms Otto and Sally tell their story.
Sally: So, now that all our computers in the year 1000000 A.D. have been disabled by the virus, I was thinking...
Flareon: The computer's open to your use, Sally. Vaporeon, go get the Kids Next Door and D-San.
Vaporeon: D-San? Why her?
Flareon: She's given us a place in Backstreet Blowup so Umbreon thought to return her the favour.
As Vaporeon exits the room, Sally inserts a versatile system-upgrading disk into the main computer, logs on to the Time Squad Network, and checks up the mission list...
Otto: So what's the situation, Sally?
Sally: I'm receiving signals indicating interchronological kidnaps all over... and they all seem to lead to the year 999999 A.D. point five....
Everyone else: The year 999999 A.D. point five?!
Sally shrugs.
Later, after some brief introductions, packing up and mussing around with time, the gang was snug as a bug in a rug within the confinements of the Kids Next Door P.I.P.E.P.O.D. (Pipe Interior Penetrating Electric Powered Oscillating Drill).
D-San: You guys brought this thing back? I thought it got thrashed in the turnip frenzy?
Numbuh 1: Not after Sally went back in time and rescued it for us. Mind you, she had to pull off some of them before she entered the time continuum...
Sally: (sharply) I don't want to talk about it.
Gripping the controls, Numbuh 2 skilfully guides the vehicle along the surface of the desolate iron-grey planet until a humongous pipe comes into sight. Brandishing a pair of pneumatic drills the P.I.P.E.P.O.D. cleanly cuts a kid-sized hole in the pipeline.
Numbuh 1: Wow. What the hell did you do with the drills?
Sally: Oh, nothing, I just went to borrow some from a certain dentist we all know too well. Diamond's the strongest rock in the world you know...
Touching down on the cold surface, everyone else but Numbuh 2 steps out, since he volunteered to guard the P.I.P.E.P.O.D.. Everyone climbs into the pipe and slowly crawls along the tunnel, against the strong ventilation gale. Luckily the A.-M.A.G.N.E.T. (All-Material-Attaching Gloves Nailing Every Terrain) supplied by Jolteon came in handy.
Sally: You know, for a gang as sophisticated as the Chrono Gang, they sure are kinda slack when it comes to --
The wind direction suddenly changes, sucking everybody up like a giant vacuum cleaner. Everyone screams as they tumble about like dust particles.
Sally: -- securityyyyyyyyy...!
Later, as our heroes wake up...
Sally: This does not go in my mission log, hear?
Everyone else: Yeah... (cross fingers behind back)
Booming laughter explodes throughout the room.
Sally: Alright, Fred Nobal, this is getting stupid. Very stupid.
Fred Nobal: Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!
Numbuh 2: Who the...
Sally: Fred Nobal, Gran Fatherclock, Hans Second and Deri Teary. Meet the Chrono Gang. Just one snag... no one knows what they look like.
Numbuh 2: How come?
Otto: First, because they never show themselves, and second, because Umbreon's too lazy.
Everyone else: Ah...
Fred Nobal: You'll never beat us this time, Time Squad! We've disabled all your robots, conked out your computer system, and we've kidnapped the most brilliant --
D-San: Yeah, yeah, cut the crap, bring it on!
Fred Nobal: We've got Alfred Nobel, Isaac Newton, Niels Bohr, Albert Einstein, and Og...
Numbuh 3: Og? From Mike Lu and Og? Can I get his autograph?
Numbuh 1: First things first, how do you get out of this cage?
D-San slashes her bullwhip through the metal. Everyone falls out hurtling towards the floor.
Numbuh 4: Nice one. But next time, not so hard...
D-San: Hey, if you can't take the pain, then --
Hatchways open, releasing a whole stream of robots.
Numbuh 5: Deja vu Samurai Jack Episode XVII.
Numbuh 1: Kids Next Door, battle stations!
Fred Nobal: It's too late! We've sent these robots all throughout time to take over time!
Otto: How irritatingly predictable...
As a battle rages with much PG-13 detail that Umbreon is unfortunately too lazy to add in... Otto sprouts two antennae.
Otto: Damn. It happened again.
The battle cries gradually give way to screams as everyone starts to take on fly features.
Sally: We've got to go back to the Stone Age... and fast!
Back at Time Squad HQ...
Sheila: Done it. I've thrown the virus off Larry.
Buck: Good. Something's up with the Stone Age. I'll go with Larry; you stay here and fix XJ.
Sheila: Right.
Back in the Stone Age, the robots are busy attacking homo homo sapiens, who are fighting back with fire -- literally.
*KAPOW*
Sally: ATTACK!
Details are left out, again, as the robots take a serious beating. In the meantime, Buck and Larry enter and help out, and eventually all the robots are vanquished.
Sally: Well, that's it for now.
Larry: Yes, let's go home.
Buck: Right... Ah! A bee!
*SPLAT*
Everyone else: (gazes glaringly) TUDDRUSSEL!!!
Jolteon: We apologise for the crappy episode. Umbreon is still in a trauma from his end-of-year-examinations, and as a result I'm taking over. Thank you for your kind attention, and keep the reviews com --
Before Jolteon can finish the audience launches the catapult of compost which hits Jolteon head on.
Jolteon: You're welcome. *faints*