*BZZZT*
Umbreon: We apologise for the lack of detail in this advertisement -- believe me, the real thing is funnier than it sounds.
Espeon: Hey, boss *heave*, do I take these to Jolteon's cell too?
Umbreon: That's right, Espeon.
Flareon: What's she taking to Jolteon anyway?
Umbreon: Oh, just some Type Double-H torture devices to punish him for putting the wrong rating.
Vaporeon: Type Double-H torture devices? What are Type Double-H torture devices?
Umbreon: Holiday homework. Enough said.
Flareon: And we now return you to your original programme.
*BZZZT*
Narrator: Ed, Edd and Eddy. Next.
Eddy: Right here on Operation S.T.A.T.I.C.-R.E.A.K.T.U.H.!
"Stop The Adult Takeover" Is Clearly Requiring Enactment, All Kids To Unify Helping
Chapter 4: E.D.E.D.D.A.N.D.E.D.D.I. (Ensnared Delectables Emergency Does Damage And Needlessly, Everyone Disputes Destructively Instantaneously)
Subject Identification Number: 16
Subject Identity: Numbuh 12
Other known Identities: Numbuh 291, Diddy Kong
Nationality: Ukranian-Irish-English
Appearance: Tall buildup, long brown hair, sports colourful striped hoodie, blue jeans, black visor, black sunglasses and sword (age unknown)
Known likes/interests: Codename: Kids Next Door, Goosebumps books, videogames, and playing with Numbuh 11 (her cat Socks)
Known dislikes/non-interests: The Delightful Children From Down The Lane, Lizzie, fractions, fish, wearing skirts/dresses
Known strengths/weapons: Night-vision sunglasses, O.P.T.I.C.U.R.L. (Outside, Practical Timepiece, Inside, Concealed Ultrasonic Radar Locator), energy sword
Known weaknesses: When she uses her sword she drains her own energy.
Any other useful information: Her cat, Numbuh 11, has a communicator collar known as the C.D.-W.O.M. (Communicator Designed Wearers Only Moggies) and together they are a formidable force. Numbuh 12 also has a crush on Numbuh 1.
In the Kids Next Door Treehouse, our favourite five heroes are preparing for another mission...
Numbuh 1: Our satellite system has detected a storage compartment of Grade 'A' jawbreakers in the suburbian community not far away from here -- about 1.5 hours S.K.Y.C.L.A.W. flying time.
Numbuh 2: Grade 'A' jawbreakers?!
Numbuh 5: Ya mean those that come in sizes bigger than ya head?
Numbuh 1: My point exactly. Unfortunately it appears that this storage compartment is in the control of a trio of male teenagers only known to the locals as... Ed, Edd and Eddy.
Lightning flashes in the background as Numbuh 3 acts scared.
Numbuh 1: These teenagers have countlessly attempted to trick the local kids out of their hard-earned savings to purchase Grade 'A' jawbreakers -- though most of the scam attempts were completely unsuccessful. Still, they continue to be a menace to the local kids and must be stopped. Our mission is to locate these Grade 'A' jawbreakers and procure them for the Kids Next Door. *walks over to the door* As this mission has quite a high danger rating, and since this mission is under the bidding of Team Eeveeon, I'd like you to meet the Kids Next Door operatives who will be joining us for this mission. Girls and boys, please welcome Numbuhs 11 and 12.
Numbuh 1 opens the door to reveal a brunette girl and a cat beside her.
Numbuh 4: Our 11th operative is a CAT?!
Numbuh 2: Hey, relax, our 6th operative is a skunk.
Numbuh 3: I thought Jessie was Numbuh 6.
Numbuh 5: She switched to Numbuh 897. She's merely known as Numbuh 6, but ya get the idea.
Numbuh 3: What idea?
Numbuh 5: Ah, just forget Numbuh 5 said anything...
90 minutes later, our seven operatives hover in the S.K.Y.C.L.A.W. over the suburbian community where Ed, Edd and Eddy live, but with no sign of the three target teenagers. With Numbuh 2 left behind to guard the S.K.Y.C.L.A.W., the other six slide down the yellow claw Numbuh 2 lowered into a tree, right where the cul-de-sac is and where the kids are having a heated discussion.
Numbuh 1: Er, pardon us, fellow kids, but do you know where to find, er... Ed, Edd and Eddy? *lightning flash*
Rolf: We have not seen the Ed boys since yesterday evening, funny bald boy wearing big black glasses.
Numbuh 1: What did he call me?
Kevin: *shoves Rolf away into a trash can pile* What he's trying to say, we ain't seen those dorks at all.
Numbuh 1: Oh. What do we do now?
Numbuh 12: I can settle this...
Pressing a button on her watch, the watch face suddenly opens up like a hatch, and up comes a gadget that resembles a set of miniature binoculars.
Numbuh 12: Do you guys have any pictures of the three Eds?
After rummaging about in their pockets, Numbuh 1 manages to produce a grubby picture he printed out from the Kids Next Door HQ Information Archives.
Numbuh 12: Good enough.
Holding the picture in front of the O.P.T.I.C.U.R.L.'s lens, Numbuh 12 waits as the infra-red rays scan in the image. After a while, it spins around, and suddenly stops, firing a red laser in the south-eastern direction.
Numbuh 12: Right. Our targets can be found in that direction.
Numbuh 1: Alright Kids Next Door, let's report back to the S.K.Y.C.L.A.W. *notices Numbuh 4 is not following* I said, LET'S REPORT BACK TO THE S.K.Y.C.L.A.W. ALREADY!
Jimmy: Argh! Sarah! Help!
Sarah: Get your hands off him, you blonde!
Numbuh 4: OW! Stop hitting me, damnit! Your boyfriend's got a -OW!- Type "R" torture device!
Sarah: You still get off him! And he is not my boyfriend!
Much, much later...
Numbuh 4: OW! What?! I only said "Women"... OW!
Numbuh 11: They've been doing that to him since the past hour or so...?
Numbuh 1: Don't ask.
Numbuh 12: *under her breath* Casanova...
Numbuh 2: Er... Numbuh 1? I think we've reached our... destination?
The agents stopped behind a trailer to hear screeching sounds. Apprehensively they peeked over the top of the trailer to find three girls performing unmentionable acts with the three Eds... nothing in the restricted range, of course, but naturally our pre-teen operatives do nothing to hide their disgust. After some time of dry heaving...
Numbuh 1: Alright team, this is what we do. Numbuhs 2, 3, 11 and 12, follow me into the trailer to find those jawbreakers. Numbuhs 4 and 5, try to create a diversion...
With that, the four Kids and the one Kat disappear inside the trailer, thanks to some lock-picking with Numbuh 2's emergency hairpin.
As the teenage torture continues, the three Eds writhe in apparent agony, much to the delight of their Kanker counterparts. Suddenly, a glowing mass rolls past...
Eddy: Hey! A glowing jawbreaker!
Edd: A glowing jawbreaker? Since when were carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, artificial colouring and flavouring known as bioluminescent?
Eddy: Who cares Double-D! After that jawbreaker!
Spurred on by the mention of the confectionery that they practically worship, the three Eds suddenly break free from the grasp of the Kanker sisters and chase the glowing orb in their infamous respective postures, with the Kanker sisters following closely behind. After fifteen minutes of cat-and-mouse, the glowing "jawbreaker" suddenly trips over a rock, bounces off several trailers like in a pinball machine, and SPLATZ the Kanker sisters right in their faces.
Edd: SPLATZ?
Eddy: What's going on?!
As if the answer his question, the glowing object bursts open abruptly...
As Numbuh 4 and Numbuh 5 watch a glistening yellow in the distance, their fellow operatives emerge from the trailer, each carrying a paper bag of the jawbreakers.
Numbuh 1: Alright team, let's head back to the S.K.Y.C.L.A.W. and double quick.
Numbuh 4: Numbuh 5? If those are the jawbreakers, what was that thing you threw at those teenagers?
Numbuh 5: Ah, just some yellow muck Numbuh 5 found near a window in the trailer... *picks up the container that held the stuff* Over-radiated mashed potatoes? What the heck would anyone do with over-radiated mashed --
Before Numbuh 5 could finish her sentence the three Eds raced past her, screaming their heads off. Following them were what looked like a bunch of kiss-shapes fired from the lips of Lee, who had somehow -- along with her other two sisters -- grown to skyscraper size.
Numbuh 3: That's what you do with over-radiated mashed potatoes?
Numbuh 1: RUN!
Following the orders of their leader, the seven operatives dash across the trailer park, in full view of the mutant Kankers.
Lee: Hey! The jawbreakers!
Eddy suddenly screeches to a halt and turns back, catching a glimpse of the seven agents running away with their booty.
Eddy: You're right!
Lee/Eddy: Get them!
Having found their new targets, the six teenagers lunge towards the Kids Next Door operatives, and for a moment nothing can be seen as a free-for-all ensues.
Lee: Those jawbreakers are ours!
Eddy: Oh no you don't! We spent a week and a half at your place, now you pay your half of the contract!
Marie: That was a week and a half?
May: Gee, time sure flies when you're having fun!
Lee: STOP!
The six teenagers stop in mid-fight to discover that their targets have escaped and were trying to head out of the park. Standing up in their full height, the three Kanker sisters give chase, with the Eds trying to keep up to regain their precious candy. Meanwhile, as our seven Numbuhs run...
Numbuh 4: ARGH! I'm hit!
Numbuh 3: Numbuh 4!
Numbuh 4: Numbuh 3... Go on without me...
Numbuh 3: No, I mean look at your hoodie!
Numbuh 4: Huh?... Ewwww, lipstick!
Numbuh 12: Alright! It's action time!
Brandishing her energy sword, Numbuh 12 turns around to face the attacking females. Numbuh 11 does the same, and together they leap towards the Kankers, Samurai Jack style.
Numbuh 1: Holy cow.
In a pincer motion, Numbuhs 11 and 12 slash the Kankers faces repeatedly, while dodging their flailing upper limbs. After that, they leap back onto the ground, leaving the Kankers with new scars and biker chick haircuts.
Numbuh 11: Man, I hate acne on my claws. Numbuh 12?
Numbuh 12 tries to reply, but she is lying on the ground, apparently completely exhausted.
Numbuh 1: Numbuh 12! Are you okay?
Noticing the sword has a piece of paper attached to it, Numbuh 1 picks up the sword and reads it.
Numbuh 1: "Oxymoron Energy Sword, the energy sword that lasts as long as you do, energy swords with the power of an ox"?!
Ox: MOOOO!
Numbuh 2: Fire in the hole!
Numbuhs 1 and 12 look up to see another barrage of killer kisses heading straight for them. Numbuh 11, seeing his mistress and a fellow operative in danger, forcefully push them away from the range of the bizarre ballistics while managing to dodge them as well. The two English operatives, from the force of Numbuh 11's push, roll down the sloping path.
Numbuh 1: Numbuh 12? Are you okay?
Numbuh 12 groans, opens her eyes groggily and finds Numbuh 1 lying on top of her, causing her to blush a tasteful shade of crimson.
Numbuh 12: My... hero.
Numbuh 11: Saving your mistress? It's all in a days work for Kats Next Door! That, and not getting any gratitude for it...
Numbuh 5: *suddenly* Numbuh 2, are you hungry?
Numbuh 2: Peckish.
Numbuh 5: Good enough.
Numbuh 5 flings a familiar packet of mashed potatoes to Numbuh 2, who devours it quite quickly.
Numbuh 2: Hmm. Needs salt.
He mumbles two milliseconds before he starts to experience some very unnatural changes. Numbuh 1 manages to look up from Numbuh 12's tight embraces and drops his shades in utter shock.
Kanker sisters: [long beeps of censorship here]
Everyone gasped as Numbuh 2 was turned into his teenage self half the size of the Petronas Towers.
Lee: Woohoo! Babe magnet!
Numbuh 2: Take that, teenage scum!
Numbuh 2 yells as he whips out a S.C.A.M.P.P. of matching size, which luckily for himself he always carries it around for such an emergency. After several blasts of photon phlazers, the Kanker sisters seem to get the message and run for their lives instead.
Numbuh 2: What's the matter, are ya CHICKEN?!
As if to answer his call, a glowing chicken suddenly appears from his armpit and turns the Kanker trailer into a bar of soap.
Numbuh 1: Right. Now let's get back to the S.K.Y.C.L.A.W.... Numbuh 12?
Numbuh 12: Oh, Numbuh 1... I'm still completely exhausted... Will you... carry me?
Numbuh 12 never gets her answer, as the teenage Numbuh 2 picks them up as he has done with his other teammates, gently chucks them inside the S.K.Y.C.L.A.W., heaves them up, and starts walking towards the treehouse while muttering something about the need to find an antidote, leaving behind the trailer park, the three Kanker sisters hovering over the three Eds, and the frantic screams of "I'M A MINOR, STOOOOOOOP!!!"
Umbreon: And that *yawns* ends the third part of Operation STATIC-REAKTUH.
Vaporeon: For a chapter that took you over twenty days to draft, that was pretty fast.
Umbreon: I had a card expansion to complete. Now I'll have to struggle with some revision... don't forget to review, folks. Gracias.
Jolteon suddenly bursts in, holding a stack of homework, apparently suffering from serious lack of sleep.
Umbreon: Now I hope you learnt something, Jolteon. *picks up the stack of paper* You did all this? Including electrolysis, static electrons and radioactivity?
Jolteon: What? Did I do something wrong?
Flareon: I'll say, Umbreon hasn't even covered those yet!
Espeon: I'll get the medic.
Espeon teleports away to the infirmary as Jolteon starts foaming violently at the mouth.